August 19th, 2013

Guy News: Public Have Their Say on Ed Miliband


150 Comments

  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    let the electorate decide.

  2. 2
    Len McCluskey says:

    WE will decide.

  3. 3
    IDS advisor says:

    Better than Donkers Smith

  4. 4
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Labour are unable to admit they’ve picked a prize plonker and even better, they seem incapable of removing him.

    Ed Miliband is a genuine electoral asset for those of us worried about Labour’s ambitions of waste, high tax and bossy government.

  5. 5
    Len McCluskey correction says:

    We have decided.

    Go to NYC like DM, GB, or TB if you’ve got problems.

  6. 6
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Caroline Lucas arrested in anti-fracking demo.

    The Green party want the poor to pay higher gas and electricity bills.

  7. 7
    Michael Foots Donkey Jacket says:

    As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

  8. 8
    Living in 97.223% white Merseyside says:

    I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt for a while but let’s face it he doesn’t compare with that nice Mr Blair.

  9. 9
    James Bond says:

    Guido, what chance Ed Miliband is a plant by the secret services to ensure the government stays in power for a long time?

  10. 10
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Caroline Lucas has been arrested at Balcombe. What time is the next flight to Jordan?

  11. 11
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Another prat who would have thrown water on the fire when the first camp-fires were started in prehistoric times, just in case anyone got burned. Better to freeze to death. The greens are truly a party for the Neanderthal mind.

  12. 12
    Owen Jones says:

    Over three million tories now living aboard.
    They don’t bovver voting.

    We can bovver voting.

  13. 13
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Ed Miliband, what a joke.

  14. 14
    Clutter says:

    Communist ?

  15. 15
    Ung, gar, ung, gar, ung, gar, ung, gar.....and repeat for 18 mins says:

    How very unEDifying!

  16. 16
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Three million Labour postal votes all from a few hundred addresses.

  17. 17
    Firm But Fair says:

    Another criminal MP? If she can’t respect the law, she should not be allowed to pass legislation.

  18. 18
    Mongwatch says:

  19. 19
    Noel Gallagher says:

    Wot…like some sort of Mancunian candidate?

  20. 20
    Game Over says:

    The time is up when even Radio 5’s York Hall programme is asking whether Ed Moribund is any good.

  21. 21
    Anonn says:

    Ed was never intended to be a long-term leader; he was always a placeman to enable the unions mark time and stave off reform.

  22. 22
    Green Achievements says:

    What are her green achievements in Brighton?

    Less carbon used? by

    Less car journeys
    improved house insulation
    renewables
    grow your own
    recycling etc

    some positive change; well head national trend.
    An example!!!!!!!!!!!! doubt it.

  23. 23
    Eco-totty Watch says:

    That’s funny, I’ve been told she has a firm pair and fair hair!

  24. 24
    FFS - Does it speak 25 languages? says:

    Another absolute waste of money (spoiler: I am involved in this sort of tech and its shite)

    http://www.standard.co.uk/news/techandgadgets/say-hello-to-shanice-brent-councils-12000-hologram-greeter-8773655.html

  25. 25
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    I think he’s great labour leader, the more he stays on as leader the better i will do.
    And the good thing is, labour cant see it, just like Brown, they will support him right up to the second he fails to win a majority. Then it’s another five years on the opposition benches .It’s the Gordon Brown syndrome all over again.

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    Obviously.

    That’s why you can’t stop obsessing about him.

    ha ha ha

  27. 27
    Our EU membership fee: 20 billion reasons to vote UKIP says:

    Have you ever tried voting if you live abroad?

    I have. In short, we would have had to return to the UK because the postal vote forms could only be sent to a UK address. And then, only within one week of the election. (This was in 2001 – maybe it’s been changed since.)

    How smart is that? Very carbon friendly, too – flying thousands of miles just to cast a vote, and then fly thousands of miles back again.

    So we didn’t.

  28. 28
    Tom Watson is a fat prick says:

    And yet still the useless Tories can’t win. Just who is the real mong?

  29. 29
    The voting public says:

    Us?

  30. 30
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Exactly! He’s so amusing, a premium pillock designed for our entertainment.

  31. 31
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    If Ed Miliband were a plant he would be a red hot choker.

  32. 32
    The good ship lollipop says:

    living aboard?

  33. 33
    Mornington Crescent says:

    The problem, of course, is not just Militwit. The whole Shadow Cabinet is useless.

    Look at ‘em: Balls, Burnham, Flint, Cooper, Ummunnnaaa, those two dyke sisters and that common tr0llop called Rachel, etc etc – all fucking useless. Even the other Militwit – useless. None of them could run a whelk stall and proved as much until 2010.

    Trouble is, if Dave gets another term I’m seriously worried that bugg3ry will become compulsory and Stephen Fry could be DPM.

  34. 34
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    “Most energy experts agree fracking won’t lead to lower fuel bills in UK ”

    Only because the Liblabcons plan to keep on massively subsidising inefficient wind turbines and solar power.

  35. 35
    Mornington Crescent says:

    It’s more like the Michael Foot syndrome.

  36. 36
    Our EU membership fee: 20 billion reasons to vote UKIP says:

    That’s a major insult to Neanderthals – and there are still a few of them around; just pop down to Aldi.

    Interestingly, Lucas is MP for Brighton and (correct me if I’m wrong) they’ve got the local council, too. And do you know what these eco warrior geniuses have done to boost locally-grown food? They’ve introduced a tax on council allotments, so local pensioners find it cheaper to get food that’s been shipped in from Argentina that to grow the stuff themselves.

    The Greens. Rocket scientists they aren’t.

  37. 37
    Chukka Yamunnyaway says:

    Ed is really in touch with the people and will lead us to glorious victory nest time!

  38. 38
    Madasafish says:

    Ed Miliband?

    Best description of him is:
    The giver that keeps on giving..

    To Labour’s opponents.

    Reminds me of Neil Kinnock but without Neil’s charm, enthusiasm, and personality.

  39. 39
    Vote Liblabcon - get Barroso, Rompuy and Merkel says:

    Balderdash. Fracking has cut energy bills in the US and there on no reason why they would not do so here. The only thing that will keep energy bills high from fracking is having to police all the nutters like Caroline Lucas.

  40. 40
    Our EU membership fee: 20 billion reasons to vote UKIP says:

    I’ve always thought that smoking on a motorbike would be fairly dodgy thing to do; apart from the ash blowing in your face, you’ve got the petrol tank right between your legs.

  41. 41
    Tarbrush says:

    Dream on, Bongo-bongo.

  42. 42
    Our EU membership fee: 20 billion reasons to vote UKIP says:

    Don’t forget:

    Tax on council allotments.

    Yeah. Smart.

  43. 43
    Unite Marketing Team says:

    Remember – An Ed is for Life, Not Just for Winterval.

  44. 44
    Caroline Lucas says:

    Frack you!

  45. 45
    Back to the wall says:

    DPM = Double Penetration Minister??? :(

  46. 46
    Don't Vote Labour says:

    Is Ed preparing the way for the return of Tony Blair ?

  47. 47
    Ed Miliband says:

    Yarp.

  48. 48
    Owen's Remedial Geography teacher says:

    Umm, you’re abraod, Owen. That’s where Barcelona is.

    I presume you will not be voting at the next election.

  49. 49
    Racist Bob says:

    Well with Dave’s mass immigration policy running at over half a million a year coming in (more than New/Labour) it’s not surprising things have to change.

  50. 50
    Don't Vote Labour says:

    So is Labour going hard left, or the BBC ?

  51. 51
    Resigned says:

    I moved abroad so I wouldn’t have to live with you c*nts or the neo-fascist bunch of red-rosette wearing lickspittle donkeys that you vote in time and time again. Go back to vote? Why the hell would I? Just glad I escaped…

    PS: in fairness to Liebour Camoron et al have proven almost as bad a the one-eyed mentalist and his crew of halfwits. I’d vote UKIP except that this might make it more difficult for me to live freely in Europe (which is all much, much nicer than Shitain thank you very much).

  52. 52
    Racist Bob says:

    Watermelon.

  53. 53
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    EGGY !! OI
    EGGY !! OI !!
    EGGY, EGGY EGGY !! ! OUT ! OUT ! OUT !!!

  54. 54
    Ex-Ex-pat says:

    I lived abroad for 155 years. Dodn’t vote cos it wasn’t worth the cost to the taxpayer and the time to me of arranging it.

    Didn’t have an election where one vote would have made a difference, so please don’t blame Bliar, Capt. Poo and Butch on me.

    155 is probably a typo.

  55. 55
    George says:

    Well said.

  56. 56
    Don't Vote Labour says:

    Reminds me of John Smith, after he died.

  57. 57
    Decompiler says:

    Cheaper efficiency measures = Green tariff = 30% extra on your leky bill.

  58. 58
    A Builder says:

    Damp Proof Membrane

  59. 59
    Caroline Lucas MP says:

    LOOK AT ME !!!!

  60. 60
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Kinnock had a better haircut and a less annoying voice.

    And that’s saying something!

  61. 61
    Radio 4 6.30 pm comedian making a rare assay on the left says:

    So that would be … Neil Kinnock

  62. 62
    David Minibanana says:

    Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings….


  63. 63
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Dunno, but a lot of people might consider him the voice crying out in a wilderness.
    Sorta like the “laugh” of an hyena, for my money.

  64. 64
    Owen Jones says:

    I should be leader of the Labour party.

  65. 65
    Al Campbell, murderer says:

    That’s right Labour. If you do not pre-emptively remove Ed I fear you may have only 45 minutes before he destroys the party with a weapon of mass discrediting.

  66. 66
    Radio 4 6.30 pm comedian says:

    Dave’s personal masseur

  67. 67
    Boys parents says:

    See, we tories can also indoctrinate our children with prepared questions

  68. 68
    BREAKING WIND says:

    News coming in…

    Police officers today have had to remove by force all protesters at the fracking protest site in West Sussex due to a massive methane gas leak!

    Protester were lead away shouting “we told you so” as police officers struggled to remove them with three police officers passing out in the process. But just this hour after further investigation it was revealed that too much to tofu chicken had been eaten the night before.

  69. 69
    Owen's mum says:

    Just remember to wear your scarf!

  70. 70
    BBC says:

    We will 24/7 for the next week

  71. 71
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Actually, the Eye had a feature the other week on B&H Council’s record since the Greens took over: a total fuck-up.

    The binmen going on strike and the rubbish piling up in the streets (sound familiar?) was only part of it.

  72. 72
    Ed Miliband says:

    Hullo! I am Ed Miliband!

    [falls over, breaks ankle]

  73. 73
    The BBC says:

    If Ed is the underdog in the next election, I think it would be quite right for us redress the balance and make sure all of our news output is in his favour.

  74. 74
    Ed Miliband says:

    I like veggie food, especially Has Bean salad.

  75. 75
    Ed Miliband says:

    Yarp.

  76. 76
    Andy says:

    Vote Cameron get Liberal what mugs you Tories are.

  77. 77
    Chuka Umunna says:

    I am the heir to Milliband

  78. 78
    the people says:

    Touched with your support for Ed.
    Mind you Ed is touched too.

  79. 79
    Owen Jokes says:

    Tell me about it.

  80. 80
    Andy says:

    Is it the greens who put wind turbines all over the UK ?

  81. 81
    Ithankyou says:

    There was a lot of cannabis smoke too.

    A spokesman for the Police said “..like… wow…”

  82. 82
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    You just hate everybody, Critical Ali.
    Admit it. You’ll feel better after you do.

  83. 83
    M102 says:

    @23 the only firm pair she has is in a fruitbowl at home.

  84. 84
    Ac ronym says:

    Daves Private Mangina

  85. 85
    Al Campbell, murderer says:

    You’re right ** sobs ** I was never hugged as a child, and then married into the sociopathic cult of humanism ** sobs **

    ** Sly look despite tears to camera **

    But that doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy it.

  86. 86
    Gooey Blob says:

    Publicly, Ed has the backing of his MPs. Privately, I suspect many of them realise the next election is already lost. When it arrives the scale of that defeat will probably surprise a few of them.

    Of course, if the Tories were to inexplicably ditch Cameron and bring back IDS for a laugh, Ed might be in with a sporting chance of winning 270+ seats and perhaps being the largest party in 2015.

  87. 87
    Don't Vote Labour says:

    She looks like a terrorist.

    Rendition to El Salvador, for some off the books interrogation sessions with their specially trained canine division.

  88. 88
    Mystic Mog says:

    Why do you always remind me of my neighbour’s cat?

  89. 89
    Hang The Bostards says:

    Just look at the “talent” (read SHITE) waiting to take over from Ed…

    (1) Two-faced Chukka

    (2) Blow it all Balls

    (3) Mass Murderer Burnham

    (4) Wee “lying bastard” Dougie the fact destroyer

    What a bunch of utter utter tools !

  90. 90
    Bilda Berger says:

    Last I heard, the Green council had let rubbish pile up in the streets due to an “industrial” dispute wiv de binpersons. Mishandled from top to bottom, and making the locals extremely annoyed — not a few of them emptying their binbags on the town hall steps.

    Very eco-friendly, that.

  91. 91
    Diane Abbotapotumus says:

    And don’t forget the elephant in the room, MEEEEEEEEEE

  92. 92
    Diane Abbott says:

    Mmm, mmm! Ah sho nuff loves me some watermelon, yas’m!

  93. 93
    Owen Jones' Mum says:

    You evil evil man!

    And to think my Owen looked up to you, on many occasions.

  94. 94
    Bilda Berger says:

    Whereas Brown was Japanese knotweed.

  95. 95
    Owen Jones' Dad says:

    …and a full opened bin liner up your arse son, you don’t wanna be catching anything in Barcelona.

  96. 96
    Harridan Harmanhater says:

    Come up and see me sometime…

  97. 97
    genghiz the kahn says:

    The public trying to torpedo Ed’s latest relaunch – perhaps it is time to change the people…at the top of The Labour Party.

    Ed has had almost as many relaunches as Gordon Brown, and all of them have been as successful as a lead balloon. Goodbye Ed.

  98. 98
    Owen Jones says:

    It’s called “bukkake,” Mum.
    (Jizz for your information.)

  99. 99
    Roscoe Arbuckle says:

    “Ed has had almost as many relaunches as Gordon Brown…”

    What a waste of all those perfectly good champagne bottles!

  100. 100
    Cameron hates the Tory party says:

    “David really isn’t much of a Conservative, he told me if he were an American politician, he would be an Obama Democrat.” Helena Bonham-Carter.

  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Yes look at you. Arrested. With luck they will lose the prison key.

  102. 102

    Nearly 40 churches across Egypt were looted and set ablaze, while 23 others were severely damaged in attacks over the last several days

    http://tinyurl.com/lgoup7d

  103. 103
    what a plonker. says:

    Please keep that plonker Red Ed Miliband as leader of the Unite Labour party,
    He just keeps on giving.

  104. 104
    Labour are rubbish says:

    The party will tear itself apart. Too many idiots trying to steer the party in too many different directions and Labour have the cheek to blame it on their Leader. If Labour were a decent party they would be galloping ahead in the polls without having to break into a sweat. They are fucking useless. Like donkeys with three legs!

  105. 105
    Fish says:

    Testing

  106. 106
    Universal Hiss says:

    Double penis munching.

    Oh God. Did I really type that?

  107. 107
    FFS says:

    No. The sad fact is that Ed is exactly the leader that Labour have always wanted. When they get too bored and frustrated at being out of power they will eventually elect someone more credible to be leader, at least on the surface.

  108. 108
    FFS says:

    By Jove she’s right! If we simply increase efficiency to 100% we won’t need energy at all! Now why hasn’t anybody anywhere in the world ever thought of that before? Must be some sort of conspiracy on the part of big oil….

  109. 109
    Word of Warning says:

    No need to take notice of opprobrium as defined by people who phone Radio-5.

    Egg should have been more worried if the jobless no-hope dopes supported him.

  110. 110
    Orson Cart says:

    One man has seen the future for years.

  111. 111
    P l e b says:

    Caroline Lucas. A politician with principles. Con, Labour, Lib, eat your hearts out.

  112. 112
    192.168.0.1 says:

    HA the only mp who cares about people rather than profit and they arrest her. Says a lot really

  113. 113
    broderick crawford says:

    CHILD BENEFIT ABOLISHER ONE-ISSUE PARTY SAYS

    Children a massive scam dreamt up by shops

    Or one of these
    CHILDREN are an elaborate scam created by retailers and costing an average of £150,000.
    Researchers found that the money spent on raising a child to the age of 18 represented the poorest value per pound of any product in the market place.

    They also discovered that the modern idea of children was invented in 1962 at a meeting of the British Retail Consortium.

    Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The BRC meeting paved the way for 50 years of television adverts suggesting that children are not completely fucking ghastly.

    “The cute toddlers in disposal nappy adverts are animatronic dummies while the cheeky scamps in washing powder adverts have been hypnotised using magnets.”

    Professor Brubaker said the £150,000 cost made gas and electricity prices seem like an act of charity and called for the immediate withdrawal of child benefit insisting it was like giving people cigarette vouchers.

    He added: “Like all parents, I look at my children and think ‘I could have had a boat’.”

    Father of three, Martin Bishop, said: “It looked nice in the hospital so we brought it home. It’s now 14 and my house remains a hellish vortex of noise and faeces.”

    A spokesman for the British Retail Consortium said: “You’re clearly very angry. You should go to the shops.”

  114. 114
    192.168.0.1 says:

    A little side-note to all you Kippers out there – this is REAL conviction politics.

    (Being endlessly photographed gurning, drinking pints and smoking fags isn’t.)

  115. 115
    Rufus Stone says:

    Labour wouldn’t replace Brown, the worse leader & PM of all time. They’re unlikely to dump Red Millibland.

  116. 116
    nellnewman says:

    Poor militwit. he stabbed his brother in the back to grasp, with the help of the unions who thought he’d make a great puppet. He thought he’d grasped a solid gold goblet and it turned out to be the poisoned chalice multiplied by 40000000 and then some.

    And to boot he did not have the personal skills or personality to drag labour out of the mire they had dug themselves into with the d e a t h of D r D a v i d K e l l y, the I r a q W a r and their abysmal economic incompetence.

    You have to feel sorry for such a pitiful bunch.

  117. 117
    nellnewman says:

    What did they arrest her for?

  118. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Helena, such a genius she cant even dress normally, always looks like an unmade bed !

  119. 119
    Anonymous says:

    Er, IDS isnt leader of the Labour party you moron !

  120. 120
    Jethro says:

    105 …yes: reminds one of the 1960’s wisecrack about the chap who fitted so many fuel-saving devices to his car, that he had to drain the petrol tank every couple of hundred miles…

  121. 121
    Jethro says:

    Up Plymouth way, they d’ shout ‘Oggy, oggy, oggy: oi, oi, oi’ Oggy bein’ a kind of English Pasty (you knaw: mashed spud an’ a bit of gristle – plenty of white pepper, too, t’ mak’ ee think there’s mait in et – an’ all in a han’ful of greasy-flaky pastry…). Further up in Devon, I’ve ‘eard, they do actually put the crimp cross the top, ‘sted of along the edge! I tell ee: England’s full o’ such outlandish ways.

  122. 122
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    Except the the 13 years of pillaging the country might actually be sticking in the memory of many voters and the leader won’t make a blind bit of difference to them.

  123. 123
    Jethro says:

    116 why?

  124. 124
    Kipper No4 says:

    ‘Cough cough’ excuse me sir, five quick points for your attention.

    1. EU.
    2. Mass immigration now higher under this Tory government YoY than Labour.
    3. Obsession with Knob jockey marriage.
    4. I pwomise I’ll give you a weferendum honest I will, but only if you vote for me.
    5. I pwomise we’ll get the deficit down to balance by 2015 honest.

    Now fuck off.

  125. 125
    David Cameron, PM - a private moment says:

    Dear Labour Party,

    Please understand that leading a political party in times of turmoil is an arduous and challenging task, and not for the faint of heart or the weak of resolve.
    I know we have fundamental political differences, and that during public debates, language and tempers can become both heated and even intemperate, but I believe we appreciate the common bond we all have to serving the public good to try and create a better Britain.

    I truly believe that Ed Miliband is a gifted, eloquent and principled leader of your party who will lead you to become better than even your most illustrious moments in history have afforded thus far ( stop f&cking laughing Ian, the tapes running, and I’m trying to keep a straight face, you c&nt!!)

    It is with sincere (no, pi55 off you b4stards, stop trying to make me corpse!) feelings of fraternal bonds we share (Line!) that I beg you not to lose heart in your lion hearted leader, who is your best and finest hope of securing a lasting place in the history tales of this great nation.

  126. 126
    Kipper No4 says:

    “cares about people”

    What drugs are you on?
    If you don’t wanna get arrested then don’t breach the peace, hence it was a PR stunt. Anyone with a brain cell could see that.

  127. 127
    Parasite says:

    David Cameron is a communitarian Third Way Big Society Fascist puppet of the neoliberal corporation-controlled police state.

  128. 128
    Parasite says:

    Racist.

  129. 129
    Parasite says:

    Breaching the peace. The trump card beloved of coppers looking for an excuse to suppress protest and make people’s lives miserable that are not ‘on message’

  130. 130
    MacGuffin says:

    Michael Foot without the intellect or doddery charm, with double the unelectability.

  131. 131
    david millitand says:

    a man ought to know his limitations. i guess the yolk’s on ed. wanting to be a leader doesn’t make you one.

  132. 132
    Major Plonquer says:

    This is Ed turning up the Volume? Maybe he should try the Brightness?

  133. 133
    Major Plonquer says:

    “CHILDREN are an elaborate scam created by retailers and costing an average of £150,000.”
    Cut it out then.

  134. 134
    William says:

    Only another four years, Owen, and then you’ll be old enough!

  135. 135
    William says:

    …and footwork.

  136. 136
    William says:

    The only thing she’s capable of passing is wind.

  137. 137
    Clown (Ex Swivel-Eyed Loon) says:

    “Yarp”

    Sums him up perfectly.

  138. 138
    Greenwank says:

    As firm supporters of direct action, we applaud the dumping of rubbish on our steps.

  139. 139
    Arrange my flowers says:

    Rumour has it he was a pansy.

  140. 140
    Balls Up and No Money Bryne et al et al says:

    And don’t forget to keep us in shadow power.

  141. 141
    Working class artist - you know who I am right! says:

    But not as good as my bed.

  142. 142
    Turkmenistan President says:

    We are much better at torture, and would welcome Lucas as a guest in our torture chamber.

  143. 143
    Master of the Green Agenda says:

    Lucas and the Greens only whinge about the problem, but never give any solutions. Normal for loony lefties.

  144. 144
    Left Wing Ecoomist - An Oxymoron says:

    Gordon’s economic legacy still reigns in the public and parts of the private sector.
    “Revenues fall then raise prices”.

  145. 145
    Meandering Streams. says:

    DPM is obviously in the Westminster HRM selection guidelines as Disasterous Performance Material.
    You only have to look at Clegg and Presscot to see they are obeying these guidelines.
    Interesting you should mention Fry. For the first time ever I have had a DM comment withdrawn after complaints. Strangely it was all factual and far less virulent than some concerning this mans’ secret meeting with Cameron. But obviously I hit a real nerve with his luvvie pals.
    Must remember to use it again.

  146. 146
    Casual Observer says:

    Nest time? Obviously feathering your nest has taken over from feeding at the trough.

  147. 147
    Just Asking says:

    Money all gone Baldermart Bryne

  148. 148
    BBC - UK Disinformation Service says:

    We cannot substantiate this news so will not report it.
    But we do deal in rumours that meet our left wing agenda.

  149. 149
    Oliver Cromwell's Mum says:

    Drop pants mateys

  150. 150
    broderick crawford says:

    DEEP THROAT SAYS :

    Gordon Brown will today begin a cull of his personal and political enemies after being given the go-ahead by the Crown Prosecution Service.

    With Labour now effectively immune from criminal charges, Brown plans to spend the summer wiping out all those who have crossed him since childhood.

    Whitehall sources said the decision not to bring charges in the cash for honours inquiry, despite the piles of invoices, receipts and signed confessions, means Brown can begin working through his 200-page ‘bastards list’.

    One senior Brown ally said: “Obviously we can’t go around killing people if there’s any risk of prosecution. We checked that with Putin.

    “There’s nothing quite like immunity. It’s better than chocolate-covered sex. I personally handed the CPS a note which read, ‘thanks for my peerage in exchange for the £50,000 donation, I love my new office’ and they chucked it in the bin.”

    The source added: “If I was Peter Mandelson, I’d be disguising myself as an old woman and heading for the airport.”

    Meanwhile Labour Party chairwoman Harriet Harman is to launch a massive discount peerage sale, starting this weekend.

    All life peerages are being slashed from £20,000 to £7500, not including robes, stationery and junior ministerial positions.

    Labour is also offering to abandon key policies with prices starting at £250,000 for a u-turn on planning regulations, right up to £2.5 million for an immediate, full-scale withdrawal from Afghanistan and Iraq.


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88% of New Labour MPs Are Union Bods | Mark Wallace
Massively Popular Porn Site is Infecting Users | Techno Guido
Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
Introducing the New CapX | CapX
Burnham’s Newsnight Debacle Dissected | Dan Hodges
How I Survived Dry January | Nigel Farage


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Dan Hodges on Labour unity

“We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about how Miliband has united Labour. But he has not united Labour. He has pacified Labour. He has placed it into a medically induced coma following the trauma of the party’s 2010 defeat.”


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