August 13th, 2013

Cruel Indy Lampoon Bryant’s Day With Spoof Diary

In 2006 the Guardian ran the following apology:

On September 25 – 28 2006 Guardian Unlimited published four articles entitled “Chris Bryant’s Manchester Diary”. They were spoof diaries and were meant to be lighthearted and humorous. We had believed that the content and line at the end of the articles, “Chris Bryant was speaking to Ros Taylor”, were sufficient indicators. However, Chris Bryant has informed us that some people took them seriously, which we regret. Mr Bryant himself had no involvement at all in writing the diaries and we accept that the content of the diaries was not an accurate reflection of his views. We apologise to Mr Bryant.

You would have though some the Indy would not repeat the same mistake, yet today’s spoof Chris Bryant diary makes for comic reading:

8.05am Stuck in the box/radio studio just off the hallway at 4 Millbank doing Today with Evan Davies (with whom I was at university). He’s quite rufty tufty… 

9.30am Arrive at the Local Government Association, text in hand, to deliver what I hope is a cogent, reflective argument about how we can make immigration work better for everyone.

It all seems to go fine. 

11.15am Back in my office. My inbox is inundated with emails from people agreeing with me…

“Rufty tufty” has to be the best euphemism Guido has heard in a while.


  1. 1
  2. 2
    This guy knows the score says:


    • 62
      Anon. says:

      Oh dear. A foulmouthed, incoherent narcissist who would be shunned down his local pub.


      • 63
        Bilda Berger says:

        Don’t talk about Mr Bryant like that, please.


        • 69
          The name is Cock, Handycock says:

          Another example of an uninformed, over egotistical politician opening his mouth about something that he has not properly briefed himself and about which he does not have the ability to properly brief himself, and I should know. Boaz.


  3. 3
    Vote UKIP get Hard Labour says:

    The original Bryant is funnier.


  4. 4
    nellnewman says:

    Is that it then ? chrisbryants excuse for his carcrash yesterday is that the speech was a spoof written by the graudian without his knowledge.


  5. 5
    This guy knows the score says:

    nell, do you have some congenital defect that makes you refer to everyone with their full name squashed together? Are you unable to type Chris Bryant? Do you have to put chrisbryant, davidcameron and cheeseandtomatopizza?


  6. 6
    Bryant is thick as mince says:

    Nothing more boring than a pair of Gaybos having a bytch. Bryant is a pretentious arsehole! He has choked on his own c*ck he is now forced to talk out of his arse.


    • 56
      Nigel Evans, Crispin Blunt, Michael Portillo, Derek Laud, Lord Boothby, Ted Heath, Peter Lilley says:

      No woofters in our party!


  7. 9
    Anthony Weiner says:

    Leave off Chris, he’s a man after my own heart.


  8. 11
    What University? says:

    ” Evan
    Davies (with whom I was at
    university). “???

    University for going for a jog up your arsehole with my tricky dicky?

    I bet you can park a bus up Bryant’s arseh*le! Sideways!


    • 18
      Just Saying. says:

      The thought than anyone; even an old age pensioner calling Evan Davies (the sniggering schoolboy), “ruffty tuffty” is hilarious.
      Reffty tuffty was an old adage given to people who were not only rough but tough.
      Evan will never fit that role in looks or deeds (except in the safe confines of the BBC studio).


    • 35
      Mornington Crescent says:

      PPE at St. John’s Oxford followed by the Kennedy School of Government, Harvard, apparently (for Davis).


  9. 12
    samuel poops says:

    remember pete & duds’ scruffy old gits on a park bench diary sketch

    got up this morning

    went to the lavatory

    got back into bed again

    story of my life really


  10. 13
    I wish I didn't know says:

    Evan Davis has a “prince albert” ring.


  11. 14
    LalaLabour says:

    Is Ed Bawbags on Sabbatical?


  12. 15
    Daily Mail reader says:

    I have complained to Cameron about this numerous times and he is too lazy even to reply to my last two letters. What does he do all day? Probably chillaxing instead of attending to his duties. He should APOLOGISE and RESIGN.


  13. 16
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Slightly Off Topic i know but i can’t resist:

    Kevin Rudd,Julia Gillard,Dame Edna,Rolf Harris your boys took a hell of a beating.

    Three nil, Three nil…


    • 21
      TWATson the fixer (demoted) says:

      Don’t worry I am here to protect them from the nasty Conservatives here down under. Can’t save the cricket team though.


      • 57
        Yeah, right... says:

        When troubles come they not as single spies but as battalions. (or very important politicians, huge of arse and ego, in this case)


  14. 17
    The Rumour Mill says:

    Guido, is it true that Miliband has resigned?


  15. 19
    LalaLabour says:

    Yes. David works for some Charity!


    • 22
      The BBC causes serious mental illness says:

      And is now shagging some elderly ex-first lady as well.

      In other news – Burnham telling Ed to up his game or resign ?

      In Ed’s defense, he has killed less people than Burnham.


      • 28
        nellnewman says:

        And burnham has killed less people than bliar – but they’re all still labour though.


        • 30
          The BBC causes serious mental illness says:

          That point must be raised if the Blairites attempt a putsch.

          Methinks the Labour core would oppose that more than the right.

          Just for the record: Chilcot ?


      • 59
        Yeah, right... says:

        How bad must things have got for Ed when he is being told to up his game by Andy Burnham?


    • 25
      Oops I said it again. says:

      Save the Dodo Fund


  16. 31
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:


    EHHHH ??


  17. 33
    Tesco Human Capital Dept. says:

    Well at least we will no longer need to look overseas for shelf-stackers.

    Not until we have re-deployed the entire shadow cabinet anyway.


    • 39
      Point of Information 4 says:

      Only those with Eastern European backgrounds would get jobs in that field.

      Ed may be Ok, but the others will be on job seekers until they find less an employer which is prepared to employ locals.


  18. 34
    Crispy Brown Pants says:

    The Labour Party is pants! Watson cannot run a mile let alone run an election campaign. Chukus yer Suit is next for a good fisting up the chuffy. Ed Balls will be applying to the little chef before the year is out. Ed is a goner! What a bunch of useless stunts!


  19. 38
    Ed has them puzzled says:


  20. 40
    Ah! Monika reformed says:

    Ruffty Tuffty and hundreds more


  21. 44
    Vote UKIP get Tory Toffs and heir to Blair says:

    Chris Bryant is himself a spoof character played by Alan Partridge played by Steve Coogan played by Rory Bremner.


  22. 46
    Crissy's Briefs are taking the piss. says:

    Tesco only employ fat chinese people with triple chins.

    Sainsbury are employing one eyed japs with Cycloplegia.


  23. 60

    Spoofy woofy surely?


  24. 64
    Jimmy says:

    I see what you did there.


  25. 65
    Chris Bryant says:

    I have made a balls up as my underpants showed earlier.


  26. 68
    John Bull says:

    I didn’t realise it was a spoof until the bit about costal erosion forcing Romanian gypsies to claim benefits in Rotherham.


  27. 70
    National (Y) Fronts rule says:

    The man’s a total arse – which is maybe why he loves himself so much?

    As for his media strategy, it’s ALWAYS been pants!


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