July 31st, 2013

Welcome to the New Statesman’s Britain

The New Statesman are having lots of fun spoofing this morning’s Sun front page, but they appear to have forgotten to do a mock up of their own cover. Guido decided to draw on the magazine’s chequered history and current editorial output to produce this:

Guido’s would probably look quite similar to the Sun’s.

Maybe without the red hand of Ulster…


  1. 1
    Denis Cooper says:

    Ah, “eugenics”, the left’s dirty little secret.


    • 17
      Hitler, the Socialist says:

      No secret. I practised it on a huge scale.


    • 20
      C.O.Jones says:

      They were all on the eugenics bandwagon in the 1920’s/30’s.


      • 25
        The NHS says:

        We still are. We just don’t like to call it that any more.


        • 60
          Col. Nut says:

          The NHS is the final solution.


          • Village Idiot says:

            ..I think you will find that UKIP ,the ideology,is the immediate final solution,but we have to continue to witness the discredited EU in action unable to do little about it..( I know,democracy blah blah)


    • 41
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      You must admit though, a passive tolerance of the practice, i.e., letting certain people self-select out of the gene pool (e.g., Darwin Award winners) does have appeal; Arthur Hugh Clough said, in the poem The Latest Decalogue, a sentiment we can all find congenial: “Thou shalt not kill, but needst not strive officiously to keep alive.”


      • 53
        Lady Britain says:

        when he wrote that it was at a time when medical intervention outcomes were very mixed .. now it would be unacceptable to adopt such an axim.


  2. 2
    Ed Balls says:

    Where is the SS uniform?


    • 51
      Evil Yvette. Bowlheaded muppet. says:

      Its in the toy cupboard, between my riding crop and your Lego set of Führerhauptquartiere: Wolf’s Lair.


  3. 3
    Bluto says:

    Never met a decent left winger yet.

    Vile scum the lot of them.


    • 4
      Simon B says:

      Agreed. They all think there’s such a thing as the “greater good” and “collective responsibility.” To hell with that, I AM an island and I do just fine looking out for number one, thank you very much. The Left always talk about caring for the poor, and their beloved “disadvantaged” like they’re Christian or something, yet they’re pretty much all atheists. Mind you, Jesus has a lot to answer for as he was probably the first commie. Kicking the money lenders out of the Temples? Please. Reminds me of an unwashed “occupy” bleeding heart loser.


      • 6
        P l e b says:

        You’re an island, are you?

        Ever use a road to get to a shop?


        • 73
          Simon B says:

          Of course I use a road, that’s what my taxes are for. Mind you, the government will soon be handing over more control of the roads to private companies, which means more job creation and better efficiency that only the private sector can provide.


      • 7
        Anonymous Coward says:

        From your posts today you my friend are the unacceptable face of the right, and thats coming from a rightie.

        Shame on you.


        • 14
          The Internet says:

          He’s a communist working for Milliband. Don’t feed the troll.


          • Simon B says:

            I spit on Miliband and anything to do with left-wing politics. Don’t libel me again. Just because I have the b a l l s to say it like it is and espouse proper libertarianism and you don’t doesn’t make me a commie, matey.


          • The Internet says:

            What makes you a communist is the leftie trolling.

            Why waste your time working for a millionaire loser like Milibiscuit? Why not get a job on a farm for the summer? Oh, I know, all those jobs went to the Poles, Romanians and Ukrainian ‘Agricultural Students’.


        • 18
          Simon B says:

          Spoken like a true envious lefty, too afraid to see the truth. Just goes to show how deeply communism has infected our society. When my fellow right-wingers (if you’re telling the truth) start talking about compassion and treating workers well, that’s all the proof you need that Britain is still infected with their evil, disgusting disease. Grow a pair and look out for number one only. Then maybe you can call yourself a “right winger”.


          • Anonymous Coward says:

            I assume you are also single.


          • Lord Northcliffe of Bendover says:

            He’s known as “Simple” to his friend


          • Anonymous says:

            You have never managed anyone. Hardly have control over yourself.

            Who wants to label themselves! It is madness. The reason for labelling others is to place the insecure person apart from those they hate.

            Only those that can not ever be anyone in their own right, wish to become part of a crowd.


          • Maqboul says:

            Simon B’s a clumsy spoof rightie.


          • Cardinal Biggles says:

            Simon B, you are Marcus Brigstocke, I can tell with that rapier like wit. Your feeble attempt at irony to show how evil capitalism is, is the give away.


          • Norman says:

            Norman is an island, entire unto himself.


          • Spel-it-rite says:

            ‘Looking out for number one’? If that was so, why would you even bother to pontificate here?


      • 90
        Bluto says:

        Pish. This has nothing to do with how they see themselves. We all know what that is. And it has nothing to do with how they see the right – or stereotype it.

        This is about me stereotyping the left from my experience of many decades encountering and engaging them, based on empirical evidence.

        They might think themselves decent and clever but I know different.


  4. 5
    Pen Gwyn says:

    Mr Fawkes doesn’t like free speech when it comes from the left.


    • 11
      Reason says:

      Neither do I. I don’t like anything that comes from the left. I do see why lefties are entitled to peddle their authoritrian twaddle, but that is not the same thing as liking them or it.


      • 23
        Simon B says:

        All lefties should be imprisoned for crimes against Britain. We must give them no quarter no more. Look what they’ve done to our green and pleasant land. All of their beloved “disabled”, poor, unemployed and immigrants should be sent to camps or workhouses so they can contribute and actually be useful once again.

        The Victorians had it right in the way they ran society, treated their workers and dealt with social undesirables.


        • 42
          Reason says:

          They should certainly be tried and, on conviction, imprisoned for their crimes. But not for what they merely say- for what they have actually done. There is enough evidence against the Labour front bench to put most of them in the slammer for a variety of crimes including complicity in murder, theft, subverting of the constitution and malfeasance in public office. Others would include treason, but Blair repealed that particular legislation in an attempt to obtain impunity.

          ‘The Victorians’ were such a diverse set of folk, good and bad, and their era involved so many different trends and experiences I assume you know nothing of history or you would not make such a fatuous generalisation. I do not blame you – blame our country’s pathetic education system for your ignorance. Just left school recently did you?


    • 13
      C.O.Jones says:

      Are you one of those people who wants freedom of speech for themselves but when others say something that you disagree with you will find cause to relate it to a hate crime or twisted form of racism/pc bollocks?


    • 31
      read the 'about' info says:

      “This blog is private property, not a public commons, readers are guests. Guido is a believer in freedom of speech and suggests you exercise it by starting your own blog.”


    • 59
      Roger the Cabinboy says:

      Speech is never “free” from the left. It is always paid for by Union subscriptions.


    • 62
      Maqboul says:

      The left does not do free speech. That would imply they have minds of their own, which of course cannot be allowed when the doctrine is cast in stone.


  5. 8
    The swivel eyed loons won't like this says:

    “Doreen Lawrence set to join House of Lords as Labour peer”


  6. 9
    Anonymous says:

    “Guido’s would probably look quite similar to the Sun’s”. Steps back in amazement! #spawnofmurdoch


  7. 10
    Polly Toynbee says:

    I love this story.


    • 52
      Roger the Cabinboy says:

      Polly! I’m thirsty. Put the kettle on. And none of that Tuscan crap. Get off your shiny, bubble butt and make me a cup of tea.


      • 70
        Stella Artoise says:


        Press the button.

        ABUSE. ABUSE. SEXIST ABUSE. Your privileges are withdrawn.


  8. 15
    Shithead O'Connor says:

    So why don’t we start Fracking in Surrey where the ponderously useless Lord Howell –father -in-Law to the ponderously gormless shit George Osborne lives..Eh!!

    Plainly the back-hander accepting old fool has never ever visited any parts between The Humber and Hadrian’s Wall.

    Any part that is desolate you old drip is because the Shrieking Harridan Thatcher milked it dry last century and put thousands on their uppers so that jobs went overseas and her banker friends loaded themselves to the gunnels with Gin & Whores.!!

    How dare he even stand up and say such a thing.??

    Surrey–especially Woking –is riddled with sons of the desert and questionable eastern Europeans. Why not start fracking there you silly old rancid rectal swab??

    Is it any wonder Tories have feck all seats north of Birmingham??

    Any one who votes for any of the 3 “Major Parties” is plainly puddled, and anyone who votes Tory is a closet racist still stained with the curse of Empire-Building—and we all know how that went??

    May a thousand flesh-eating molluscs infest the old bastards nethers.

    I want to hear his year-long screams as he dies slowly far beyond the reach of any pain-killers.

    For Verily, He and his kinfolk are the shytes of the last century who unbelievably are still alive today.

    Racists, blinkered, upper class chinless wonders eternally seeking to find ways to deprive their fellow man.

    I piss in their soup.


  9. 16
    Pope Tom Robinson says:

    Sing if you’re glad to be gay!


  10. 19
    Penfold says:

    The Staggers seems to have deliberately ignored the fact that the Micra is built at Nissan’s plant in Sunderland. Opened by Maggie in Sept 1986.
    And that Nissan insisted on single union representation.

    Dear me, their fact checking is weak…….


  11. 27
    Polly Toynbee says:

    I should write for the New statesman, then it would lose £1 million a week like the Guardian.


  12. 29
    The McCanns next? says:


    • 34
      Duncan says:

      Unlike Diane Abbott who needs two seats because she is so fat.


      • 55
        Roger the Cabinboy says:

        Dip the eye-rolling bitch in hot latex and use her as a bouncy castle.


      • 57
        Who the F*ck made her shadow health minister? says:

        Two re-enforced seats, probably bolted onto concrete blocks, with a 3-metre ‘health and safety’ cordon around it in case she falls off and squashes someone.


      • 71
        Stella Artoise says:


        Press the button.

        ABUSE. ABUSE. FATIST ABUSE. Your privileges are withdrawn.


    • 36
      Sandra in Accounts says:

      Gobsmacked. Really?


    • 39
      Paniagua v5 says:

      Is it the seat right next to the chief police officer who tried to fit her up?


    • 65
      Raving Loon says:

      Is it government policy to hand out Lordships to mothers of murder victims?


      • 86
        Ancient seafarer says:

        Er, the Labour Party do not form the present government…


      • 89

        Only if they are left wingers and people of colour. Everyone else can go hang. Many of us could probably think of more deserving people than Doreen ‘You’re All Racist’ Lawrence. Maybe she is getting the honour for the damage that her campaign did to the law on being tried twice for the same crime? That law change really is the bent policeman’s friend. Actually, although I more often than not disagree with him, Peter Tatchell is more deserving of a knighthood than that full time victimhood poker player Doreen Lawrence.


    • 66
      Point of Information 2 says:

      So it looks like crime does pay.


    • 72
      Fishy says:

      She was one of Fatbott’s bag carriers on a trip to observe the widely derided Venezuelan elections.

      Funny thing is that Owen Jones went too, but there’s nothing from him in this puff piece. Perhaps he didn’t have time to write anything – too busy with his crayons and colouring books.



    • 87
      Spel-it-rite says:

      We are now to be governed by ‘victims’? Or, rather, by the more ‘deserving’ relatives of ‘victims’? What is it called when you are ruled by sufferers? Painocracy?


      • 91
        Bluto says:

        Yes, all the victims relatives become instant experts and government advisers. Given the effects of bereavement and trauma on objectivity probably not the wisest approach to take. Time was when the law was upheld dispassionately. Not any more. It is all about emotion and feelings.


  13. 32
    Anonymous says:

    These are all illuminating.

    Not one ship or boat.
    Not one mine or quarry.
    Not one river or port.
    Not one footpath or track.

    Not one piece of wild moorland.

    This is the Britain of TV addicts.

    This is not the Britain I live in.


  14. 35
    Andy Burnham says:

    What!! no picture of a malnourished octogenarian up to their armpits in shite in an NHS bed Guido?


  15. 37
    Speedster says:

    Why without the Ulster flag Guido?


  16. 44
    Mrs Doyle says:

    Thank feck we got rid of Abu Qatada I hear he was 1st choice!


  17. 56
    Dirty Digger says:

    “Guido’s would probably look quite similar to the Sun’s.”

    It had better.


  18. 74
    Well I am not a genetically fucked up magician. A magical sad case. says:

    Abracadabra. I am genetic mong!


  19. 76
    Andrew Efiong says:

    The New Statesmen’s Britain would fit in a broom cupboard given their paltry circulation numbers.

    What is it, 25,000 copies a month? I bet Guido gets more readers each day before lunch!


  20. 77
    Displaced Brummie says:

    Ah. Eugenics Central! Nice people, the Fabians…


  21. 78
    A Scabby old bag in Edinburgh feeding leeches says:

    Nazism and eugenics is unacceptable unless you plan to gas a dodgy magician. Then that is ok!


  22. 79
    Anonymous says:


    Am I doing it right?


  23. 81
    A genetically fucked up parasite on C4 and his crap trix. says:

    Can we not engineer blue smurfs instead of socialists?


  24. 92
    Augusto Pinochet says:

    not actually that funny. they also spoofed the guardian’s


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