July 26th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest (Cock and Bull Edition)


182 Comments

  1. 1
    John Ward (Medway) says:

    “Stop crowing, Boris: that’s my job!”

    Like

  2. 2
    drmegalomaniac says:

    It’s a giant blue cock, so obviously I call him Dave.

    Like

  3. 3
    John Ward (Medway) says:

    Boris: “Even the cockerel is Conservative blue on my patch!”

    Like

  4. 4
    Selohesra says:

    Blue cock poses by statue

    Like

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Spiiffing,so now i have humped that.Who wants some Boris ?

    Like

  6. 6
    Boaz says:

    It’s called Hahn Cock

    Like

  7. 7
    Andrew Efiong says:

    “I can’t control my cock”

    Like

  8. 8
    Antipo-dean says:

    How else did you think my hair got this colour?

    Like

  9. 9
    thedukeofhunslet says:

    “There is absolutely NO truth that there are subliminal messages embedded in everything I do and say”

    Like

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Massive blue cock

    Like

  11. 11
    Chris Bryant says:

    I like a big cock !

    Like

  12. 12
    Palab Gauche says:

    After learning of Anthony Weiner and Chris Bryant, Boris Johnson decides to pose for a photo with his big cock.

    Like

  13. 13
    Mrs Entity says:

    Look at the size of my genetically engineered Tory Blue Cock! Says Boris to bewildered passers by in London today. It was later revealed that after asking a number of ladies (some of an advanced age) to look at his Big Blue Cock that Boris was taken away to be assessed by medical practitioners who were worried he’d finally cracked & stopped taking his medication.

    Like

  14. 14
    Bill Sikes' Dog says:

    I know what you’re thinking , but it’s not mine .

    Like

  15. 15
    Johnny Onionman says:

    Allez les Bleus!

    Like

    • 33
      Zinadine Zidane says:

      “What did you say?” *thump*”

      Like

      • 124
        Izzy says:

        Boris : What do you think of my cock?
        .
        .
        Embarrassed lady in white: ——For God’s sake stop crowing and by the way Boris

        what did the left nut say to the right nut?

        don´t talk to the man in the middle, he´s a dick.

        Like

  16. 16
    Labour Party Group Comedy Workshop says:

    Give us a few days we need to work Linton Crosby into our caption.

    Like

  17. 17
    M. Ollond says:

    Zees fooking ros bifs

    Like

  18. 18
    chicken licking says:

    The Sky is falling !

    But is it the Socialists, the LibDems or just one of Boris’ conquests coming to his end.

    Like

  19. 19
    Rickytshirt says:

    Oh look, Kensington Fried Chicken!

    Like

  20. 20
    chickpea57 says:

    “Another Boris cock-up!”

    Like

  21. 21
    nellnewman says:

    The strutting french cock Lorded over by Nelson. How appropriate!

    Like

  22. 22
    No more Weiner jokes says:

    ‘What a totally bizarre thing to put in such a prestigious position,’ says big blue chicken as he catches sight of London mayor.

    Like

  23. 23
    Coq Sportive says:

    Has it crossed your mind that somebody might be taking the piss Boris?.

    Like

  24. 23
    PJH says:

    Massive Blue Cock found in Trafalgar Square.

    In other news, someone’s put a bird on a plinth.

    Like

  25. 25
    iPadpatriot says:

    The deranged promotes the free-ranged

    Like

  26. 26

    ‘Boris, you’re a super Bullshitter. But I can shit over you!’

    Like

  27. 27
    Rickytshirt says:

    In honour of Mr Livingstone I’m calling him Ken. Chic-Ken.

    Like

  28. 28
    Claire Perry says:

    Boris appears to be linking to an enormous cock. I am, frankly, appalled.

    Like

  29. 29
    Gez says:

    Boris unveils new multi-million pound transport system for Londoners.

    Like

  30. 30
    SP4 BS says:

    “I know that this photo opportunity is a great big trap, and a painfully obvious opportunity for caption competitions, but what the hell, I can get away with anything. Hoorah”

    Like

  31. 31
    Gez says:

    Boris denies getting laid after boozy night out with Gove.

    Like

  32. 32
    iPadpatriot says:

    Boris demands a coup

    Like

  33. 34
    Claire Perry MP says:

    Have it uploaded to my website a.s.a.p. Fawkes!

    Like

  34. 35
    shudder says:

    Like

  35. 36
  36. 37
    Breaking News says:

    Former BBC broadcaster Stuart Hall’s 15-month sentence for a series of indecent assaults is doubled by the Court of Appeal

    Like

  37. 38
    Claire Perry says:

    Guido is at it again! Now he’s hosting a site with pictures of big cocks!

    BAN HIM! BAN HIM! TURN OFF THE INTERNET! WHERE IS THE OFF BUTTON KEPT?

    Like

  38. 40
    TOO FAR says:

    Have you seen my big Cock

    Like

  39. 42
    Peter Grimes says:

    I wouldn’t, would you?

    Like

  40. 44
    Coq Sportive says:

    Boris unveils London’s new runway, Bluebird is ready for take-off.

    Like

  41. 45
    Bill Quango MP-x says:

    Boris: is it..her? .It is? ..Its the vicar of Dibley?

    Like

  42. 46
    shudder says:

    Gweedo changa da pictcha.

    Like

  43. 48
    Wotcher Cock says:

    “If it was up to me I’d have put my cock in her – or any woman prepared to breed with me.”

    Like

  44. 49
    illogical says:

    Is Boris training to be a proctologist?
    This new photo and the last seem to suggest his index finger is as important as his cock.
    Maybe he just has his bi-cycles.

    Like

  45. 51
    EC1 PhD says:

    Madame Hollande, your husband’s coq est magnifique

    Like

  46. 52
    vogue says:

    Where do you get white triangular raincoats?

    Like

  47. 54
    bergen says:

    Boris says , “My wife told me to take my cock elsewhere so I did.”

    Like

  48. 55
    Sir Wiiliam W says:

    Le coq sportif.

    Like

  49. 57
    Spandex Yfronts says:

    Don’t think much of the new Boris bike..I mean where’s the fucking wheels for start?

    Like

  50. 58
    Anonymous says:

    “I’ll show you. Mine cock is slightly bigger”

    Like

  51. 59
    Wayne Rooney says:

    Have the wings sent round to my place, I’ve despatched the chauffeur in the Bentley.

    Like

  52. 61
    Maggot Malone says:

    fuck me, but this man’s an idiot…

    Like

  53. 62
    a non says:

    Stupid cow photobombs a cock and bull story.

    To save the day Boris puts his finger in the dyke.

    Like

  54. 62
    Palab Gauche II says:

    “Chicken or pork?”

    Like

  55. 64
    Anonymous says:

    So whats the latest on Claire Perry, has the judge donned his black cap yet ??

    Like

  56. 65
    Luke says:

    She gripped it so tight, I ended up with a massive blue cock.

    Like

  57. 66
    Ed Balls says:

    Too Blue too big

    Like

  58. 68
    Caption Guy says:

    Cock-a-girl-or-two

    Like

  59. 71
    Lady DingDong says:

    Did my big blue cock scare you?

    Like

  60. 72
    Sir Wiiliam W says:

    As the Bullingdon Club demanded the return of their mascot, Boris tried to blame an innocent bystander.

    Like

  61. 73
    Bill Quango MP-x says:

    When i asked for a photo of me with a Boris bike, I didn’t mean Petronella Wyatt.

    Like

  62. 75
    Chukkie Ummuna says:

    The black one is bigger.

    Like

  63. 76
    Cameron hates the UK & Loves the EU says:

    So I pulled the trigger, wam bam, ra ra, and 9 months later this came out

    Like

  64. 77
    Sir Wiiliam W says:

    OR

    Those pesky students from the Agricultural College had struck AGAIN.

    Like

  65. 79
    Ed Miliblunder says:

    We thoud have a Judthe lead Inquiry into thith cock.

    Like

  66. 80
    Rickytshirt says:

    This is, in fact, not the first time this lady standing here to my left has seen a cock of similarly gargantuan proportions.

    Like

  67. 81
    Bill Quango MP-x says:

    Photographer: Where did you get the blue cock from Boris?

    Boris: ermm..er…well with this hot weather..err…Boxer shorts in the icebox.

    Like

  68. 82
    Polly Toynbee's Butt Plug says:

    Dickhead responsible for cock-up.

    Like

  69. 83
    Boris says:

    9 out of 10 female journalists prefer Blue Cock

    Like

  70. 85
    Bill Quango MP-x says:

    “Len McClucksky”

    Like

  71. 86
    The BBC says:

    All of our male journalists do too!

    Like

  72. 87
    Boris says:

    Now watch Guido’s readers produce 500 juvenile knob jokes!

    Like

  73. 88
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Boris, when you said big pecker ..

    Like

  74. 89
    just yoking says:

    Jerks son frontieres.

    An International quandary. What or who came first?.

    Boris and his cock, nudges up against the chick and her eggs.

    Obviously a win-win, Darwin situation

    Like

  75. 92
    Sir William Wade says:

    Kings of the Dungheap.

    Like

  76. 93
    BBC 24 Hr rolling bollocks says:

    Cockzilla the biggest threat to London since the GLC?
    Boris suggests shooting it to government scientist.

    Like

  77. 94
    poet's day (almost) says:

    … the queue for the fourth plinth gets even more desperate…

    Like

  78. 95
    foghorn leghorn says:

    Whoa! Back-up boy.

    I is just guarding these chickens.

    Like

  79. 96
    Anonymous says:

    “Did you hear what she just said to me? She said she’d like to have my babies!”

    Like

  80. 97
    Owen(rentboy)Jones says:

    I hate blue cocks, I never swallow!

    Like

  81. 98

    Boris: “Next, week. this woman (points) will be exposing her giant purple beaver”

    Like

  82. 99
    johnnyards says:

    Look, even she’s going to tell Guido Fawkes that she’s saw my cock now.

    Like

  83. 100
    Cyril "Barmy" Fotheringay-Phipps says:

    Boris fails to give correct V-sign to Clare Short.

    Like

  84. 102
    Bazinga! says:

    Boris is asked to point to where he put his cock last night.

    Like

  85. 104
    Richard Timney says:

    Oh God! Someone’s hacked pornhub. All I’m getting is this pic and photos of Claire Perry.

    Like

  86. 105
    Diana Abbott says:

    I’ve never seen a chicken that hasn’t been fried before.

    Like

  87. 106
    Boris says:

    We need a new London airport. Even birds have no where to land.

    Like

  88. 107
    Charles Moore says:

    Like

  89. 108
    Eric Joyce says:

    Even Handycock would not shag that.

    Like

  90. 109
    Margaret Beckett says:

    I laughed so much I did a fanny-fart

    Like

  91. 111

    Woman laughs as Boris’s Giant Blue Rooster (Twinkle) is finally lashed onto a concrete plinth to prevent drunks pulling it off.

    Like

  92. 112
    Richard Head says:

    Go home, face arrest, or get your photo taken with a ridiculous blue cock.

    Like

  93. 113
    Lard John Presclott says:

    My secretary said mine was poultry!

    Like

  94. 114
    ITS BLEAK IN SUNDERLAND WITH 3 LABOUR MPS AND NO FOOD BANKS says:

    My thats a big cock

    Like

  95. 116
    Ed Chap says:

    I thought she wanted a tory blue cock, not a 4-storey blue cockerel!!

    Like

  96. 117
    Chubby Chaser says:

    Can a lady politician please send me a picture of her big arse?

    Like

  97. 119
    David Davis says:

    Le Coq au White Van Man

    Like

  98. 120
    Anonymous says:

    She said “How do you like my huge cock?” and I replied “Crickey woman, that’s my line usually”.

    Like

  99. 121
    retype says:

    Pull my finger!

    Like

  100. 122
    Curly says:

    The cock with three tits.

    Like

  101. 125
    bergen says:

    Now Stephanie Flanders prefers a red one.

    Like

  102. 127
    Grabbit and Scarper says:

    I said we wanted a blue copper wheel

    Like

  103. 128
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Cherie said she’d like to see one enormous Tory cock up so blame her for it.

    Like

  104. 129
    rogertil says:

    Will a Trafalgar Square cock fit in a round hole ?

    Like

  105. 130
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Two Tory cocks

    Like

  106. 131
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Boris! Here? Now?

    Like

  107. 132
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Its pays to advertise

    Like

  108. 133
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    “Its big, its blue and it available for your Ladies”

    Like

  109. 134
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Mayor promises that everyone can now enjoy his cock not just an Metropolitan elite

    Like

  110. 135

    Blame her – it’s not my fault that this is the only acceptable entry out of thousands in the “Cock on a Plinth” competition.

    Like

  111. 136
    Izzy says:

    Blue chicken says “Its nice up here. You get to see all sorts of complete idiots passing by. Talking of which———“

    Like

  112. 137
    Observer says:

    Mr Johnson: “I envisage this coming in to land at Boris Island airport.”

    Like

  113. 138
    DSquad says:

    My kind of strumpet. Been round a bit. Had a cockatoo……..

    Like

  114. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Some day my plinth will come…and today’s the day!

    Like

  115. 142
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Well from the original photo sent out with the WordPress notification of a new post email I was going to go with:

    ‘what an oeuf!’ (Even though I happen to be a fan).

    It doesn’t really work with this updated photo though. I assume that that is Clare Short… so ‘and then Clare said “I’m not sitting on that (predictable from above) massive blue cock”‘.

    Like

  116. 143
    sheen says:

    So I quickly inserted my finger right into the blighters rectum, but it made no difference, we all got covered in the ghastly ghastly stuff.

    Like

  117. 144
    Lizzie says:

    She asked where she could find the biggest cock in London!

    She said it looks just like me!

    Like

  118. 145
    Mehdi Hasan is a racist says:

    Boris “I’m only giving the female electorate want. Now even the ugly ones can view my cock.”

    Like

  119. 147
    Boris says:

    Okay you’ve scraped the sniff test…4 fingers in a kit kat but only these two in you.

    Like

  120. 148
    Ah! Monika says:

    At least the cock has a comb.

    Like

  121. 150
    SARAH BROWN full time carer says:

    Boris Johnson asks Dawn French to pull his finger

    Like

  122. 151
    Mike E says:

    “There…There….Seems to be some kind of Gargantuan Mis-understanding going on here…When people ask for a Giant Blue Cock most Londoners mean me?”

    Like

  123. 153

    Ha! ha!


    12 Schrödinger’s cat says:
    July 26, 2013 at 8:56 am

    I shall be conducting my usual ministries upon the shores of the Adriatic today. Knew you not that I must be about my Father’s business?

    Consequently, I shall not be around for the Caption Contest.

    Having consulted Madame Matilda at the end of the pier, with her crystal ball and gingham scarf, I should like to record my entry now without having had benefit of sight of the anxiously-awaited-by-all picture.

    My entry is: Cockwaffle!

    Like

  124. 154
    Cockalegover says:

    Ghanaian fraudster Fools British council.

    [Ekow Eshun – Chair of Fourth Plinth Commissioning Group]

    Like

  125. 155
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Under the Conservatives everyone in London has a big cock now…and the statues not bad either

    Like

  126. 156
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Be honest madam, have you seen one that size before?

    Like

  127. 157
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    At any time the size of my brain is in inverse proportion to the size of my statue

    Like

  128. 159
    Anonymous says:

    ” Anybody got a tissue?”

    Like

  129. 160
    Spel-it-rite says:

    A powder-blue cockerel called Hector
    Accused Boris of being a vector,
    But Boris poo-pooed:
    ‘To point is so rude,
    But not when you would disrespect her.’

    Like

  130. 161
    Judge says:

    In conclusion, a pretty weak set of jokes( including my own under a different moniker), lots too many cock gags. Btw, by far the funniest comment I’ve seen today was by fishy mong, no.63 on Dave in Portugal.

    Like

  131. 162
    leighman says:

    You should see what it does when you stroke it!

    Like

  132. 163
    leighman says:

    So you see – I have no trouble keeping my pecker up after taking those blue pills

    Like

  133. 164
    leighman says:

    It goes purple when it’s angry!

    Like

  134. 165
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    ‘… And that more or less tells you the tease this woman is! ‘

    Like

  135. 166
    Ministry of Magick says:

    The model I had was black and blue

    Like

  136. 168
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    “My name is Boris and I’m a cockaoholic”

    Like

  137. 169
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    “Has anyone else a child with them they would like me to autograph?”

    Like

  138. 170
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    “I was going to bring the whole family today but the square isn’t big enough”

    Like

  139. 171
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    “Welcome to my new London Airport where passengers will be whisked away from the very centre of town on the backs of giant flying chickens!

    Like

  140. 172
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    “Well someones done a whiff waff …..was it you?”

    Like

  141. 173
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    “Claire Perry was due to be with me today but someone told her I was uncovering my big cock and she cried off for some reason”

    Like

  142. 174
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    In a Terry Thomas voice “Well, cock a Doodle Do Madam ……fancy a quick one afterwards….I know this spiffing little wine bar “

    Like

  143. 175
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Sadly for Boris Claire Perry’s new porn filter excluded all mention of his new Cock on the interwebthingy ……

    Like

  144. 176
    Aparat says:

    “Oh, crikey o’mally! I, err…how do I put this? Oh, fiddlesticks! I…I think I remember choking it, with my good mukka, Michael, and it looks like it might have, err, turned a bit blue…but it’s a mighty blue, don’t you think? And at least it won’t fall off, unlike my good mate, Michael, who….well, let’s not get into that…[mumble, mumble, mumble].”

    Like

  145. 177
    Paul clayton says:

    Yes we told the artist that she had free range!

    Like

  146. 178
    Lexander says:

    I remember we used to call it “finger pie” and you could take a sniff at it for days.

    Like

  147. 179
    geordieboy says:

    Chicken shit makes a change from pigeon shit but thank Boris it can’t fly.

    Like

  148. 180
    Ed Chap says:

    Just for once, its her cock up and not mine…

    Like

  149. 181
    Ministry of Magick says:

    Cock eyed maid

    Like

  150. 182
    jackie says:

    “You bring the Blue Bols and I’ll supply the cock, oldgirl!”

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

What We Learned From the Referendum | FT
Scottish Crisis Moves South | Nick Wood
English Democrats Accidentally Celebrate Yes Victory | Pink News
Union In Its Current Form is Dead | Janan Ganesh
Labour Could Be Split in Two | Sun
Ashcroft Poll: Why Scotland Voted No | Buzzfeed
Boris: Change Barnett Formula | Sun
Cameron is Back | Dan Hodges
What Happens Now | James Kirkup
Cairo of the North | Quentin Letts
Labour are the Biggest Losers | Phil Collins


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