July 19th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest (Trip to the Pub Edition)


  1. 1
    Richard Head says:

    Metropolitan Police to investigate fraudulent child benefit claimant.

  2. 2
    Fact Hunt says:

    ‘How long will it take for me to lose this one’.

  3. 3
    Gotcha says:

    “You know what happened last time they left me holding this…”

  4. 4
    Bill Quango MP-X says:

    I don’t care if you are the foreign secretary. Put your sun hat on you will get sunburn.

  5. 5
    Martin Day says:

    “I think that Owen Jones will enjoy playing with this,while us macho men drink real ale”

  6. 6
    Dominic H says:

    Look at little plastic Boris, all about to melt!

  7. 7
    IanM says:

    Coalition party leaders seen out for a summer stroll

  8. 8
    fitaloon says:

    So that’s Lynton Crosby….

  9. 9
    Eileen Critchley says:

    He can’t even throw his toys out of his pram properly.

  10. 10
    Steve Miliband says:

    The PM responds to cries for younger, more female cabinet

  11. 11
    John Bercow says:

    ‘My daughter’s very quiet, well have to go the more often!’

  12. 12
    Bazinga! says:

    Cameron prepares for his next job in 2015….as a house husband

  13. 13
    John Bercow says:


  14. 14
    UKIP voter says:

    i’m not utting you down for Eton, the Bullingdon or White’s

  15. 15
    John Bercow says:

    … have to go the pub…

  16. 16
    Scott Lithgow says:

    Now Nick I am going away on holiday but I will be back and you can always ring if you get stuck…

  17. 17
    genghiz the kahn says:

    met release photos of plebgate suspects.

  18. 18
    Bazinga! says:

    Cameron to Andy Burnham “here’s one you didn’t manage to kill”

  19. 19
    elginjon says:

    Well this should keep Maria Miller out of trouble over the summer recess!

  20. 20
    Fabians are evil says:

    Oh dear a helpless babe! dear Ed has lost his union strings

  21. 21
    The Fallen Angel says:

    At least I know this one CAN’T be Boris’….

  22. 22
    Stress Doctor says:

    sleeping alright, John?

  23. 23

    I don’t know why you are not allowed to join Muirfield.

  24. 24
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Left holding the baby.

  25. 25
    Elksy says:

    After leaving their daughter in a pub Samantha Cameron gives Dave something to practice with

  26. 26
    Old Blind Pugh says:

    Ah ain’t that sweet, Dave playing with his dollies

  27. 27
    couldn't make it up says:

    get fed up of those libdems, keep leaving their girlfriend’s toys here

  28. 28
    Jon Izzard says:

    Oh, you were born yesterday? Presumably that makes you a big fan of the Eds then?

  29. 29
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “Which reminds me, any news on the Kate front? Do we have the congratulatory message ready? How am I supposed to feel about the sprog, anyway?”

  30. 30
    Andrew Efiong says:

    “Nick Clegg never tidied up after he played with his toys”

  31. 31
    Ruprecht says:

    There’s nothing more embarrassing to the middle classes than offspring with a diffability, there isn’t anything those folks won’t do to rid themselvses of what they erroneously perceive to be a stigma on their genetic bloodlines, nomesayin?

  32. 32
    Julian says:

    Where’s Jimmy Savile when you need him?

  33. 33
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”Government for Dummies”

  34. 34
    Vote Winning Dave says:

    I kiss it where?

  35. 35
    Mike Handycock says:

    Give us a chance princess, you never know.

  36. 36
    Odd one Out says:

    Spot the plastic one.

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Yes, I know I’m not your mummy but she’s busy running the country these days.

  38. 38
    Bill Quango MP-X says:

    Dave’s plan to get around the spare room subsidy rejected by DWP.

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    “They let me have this one in case I leave it behind in a pub”

  40. 40

    ‘Now, you’ve done a global pee!’

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Crying baby receives wrong dummy.

  42. 42
    gump says:

    1. Babys arm

    Slang for a huge penis. Sometimes used in conjunction with various fruit to add to the size implied, most commonly apple or plum. Ex 1- His penis was so big it looked like a babys arm holding a plum (or apple).

    That guys penis was so big it looked like a Babys arm holding an apple.

  43. 43
    Sit Petra says:

    Plastic fantastic!.

  44. 44
    Dave says:

    I’m sure my fellow toryites who also understand the homosocial nature of boys schools and male only environments also appreciate the necessity of the public mask of a normal hetero family man. It’s unfortunate for my public image that Sam and I were inflicted with a differently abled child, but uh somehow, thanks to the tamestream media and the exclusion of disabled people from politics and law and presstitutism, we were able to pass off the death of our diiferently abled son as a natural occurrance, yeah that put me in Rupert’s pocket, but hey, I’m not here for Jesus!

  45. 45
    Call me Dave says:

    Damn it, I specifically asked that Verne Troyer be my new SpAd. Does nobody listen to me anymore?

  46. 46

    “This won’t feed 6 for Sunday lunch”

  47. 47
    Sit Petra says:

    Put me down, your not my daddy!.

  48. 48
    PitPony says:

    Recall having a real one of these once…Just can’t remember where I put it

  49. 49
    Senior Civil Servant says:

    If he were Nick Clegg, I’d drop him..

  50. 50
    Kendo Nagaski says:

    David just about to burst into tears after results of tests reveal that the ‘child’ cannot be his as it is not a cabbage patch kid.

  51. 51


    Fucking bark!

  52. 52

    I don’t know why you can’t get your own moniker.

  53. 53

    Just wait to ensure it is not black.

  54. 54
    Frankie says:

  55. 55
    Langdaler says:

    “Calm down dear!”

  56. 56
    Jabba Le Chat says:

    The real one’s back in the pub…

  57. 57
    Qui Bono says:

    “Sam was er…busy, so I shagged a blow-up doll, they assured me this could not happen”

  58. 58
    Alan Alan Alan says:

    Or fat c-u-n-t holds toy baby.

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Flashman prectices not throwing the dolly out of the pram

  60. 60
    horsetraders says:

    in the spirit of the equality agenda, Dave agreed to go first on breast feeding duty.

  61. 61
    Dave is a liar and hates the UK says:

    Dave steals royal baby….

  62. 62
    Dave C says:

    Oh what a cute baby. I’m a scrounger with an easy lifestyle but you’ll get all the blame

  63. 63
    Dave is a liar and hates the UK says:

    Fake plastic child seen with buggy in Westminster..

  64. 64
    John says:

    Dave weighs up a potential replacement for the Culture Secretary…

  65. 65
    Dave says:

    I’m not sure if my agenda is clear here, it should be clear from the policies I push – but, as a homosocial schooled person, I am pro-homo rights and anti-disabilty rights.

    It was a tremendous embarrassment to my ‘wife’ and myself to have a child who is differently abled, since we go to such great pains to present as a middle class hetero couple since we see that as our voting appeal, and I’m sure those of you in the ‘club’ understand that ‘marriages’ such as ours are arranged.

    I also want to make it clear that this is a matter I very much relate to with the opposition party who also had the same ‘blight’ of a differently abled child visited upon them, whilst both parties understand the need to push homosexual rights, the last thing we need or want is one of these ‘tards’ in our own families, it doesn’t suit our PR strategy.

  66. 66

    Signs of desperation in Operation Yewtree

  67. 67
    Ho Hum says:

    David Cameron, the best Pram Minister this country has ever had.

  68. 68
    Jeremy Zeid says:

    Right. .. That’s Anna Soubry’s replacement. Now for Maria Miller.

    From Jeremy Zeid (Harrow)

    Sent from Samsung Mobile

  69. 69

    They have both shit themselves.

  70. 70
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron turns up at prison gates with a gift for Stuart Hall

  71. 71
    Maurice Minor says:

    Don’t forget to take it home when you’re pissed… Like last time!

  72. 72
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Oh Maria…you have shit yourself again

  73. 73
    NHS Statistics says:

    From the cradle to the grave

  74. 74
    Gaye Mann (Mrs) says:

    “Eurgh get rid, it’s horribly white! I specified a photo op with pickaninny chilluns!”

  75. 75
    scottishcalvin says:

    Please someone tell me it’s not another one of Boris’ ?

  76. 76
    No agenda says:

    “Why the hell did I ever agree in to letting you be Deputy PM?”

  77. 77
    Phil Q says:

    “mmm .. right size – pink colour scheme, so it’s girl – wonder if Samantha will notice it’s not Nancy ….”

  78. 78
    Crazed Loon says:

    Politician’s attempt to snatch candy from a baby goes horribly wrong.

  79. 79
    G'day cobbers, it's Lynton Crosby says:

    “Fuck me dead Dave, the knob jockie’s Royal baby has let us down big time. It’s a pig’s arse for a photo op, but it’s all we could do at short notice!”

  80. 80
    Aaron D Highside says:

    There’s something not quite genuine about you, Daddy.

  81. 81
    Chillaxing Dave says:

    Mama! Dada!

    “WTF, you still can’t get gay marriage friendly dolls!”

  82. 82
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Oh bugger. First I leave one in the saloon bar and now I’ve brought the wrong one back!

  83. 83
    Anonymous says:

    Baby spits out dummy.

  84. 84
    Anonymous says:

    Crosby’s Ash Steals Young.

  85. 85
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    ‘Ask me about Crosby again and I’ll rip your fucking arms off. I did not have lobbying relations with that man.’

  86. 86
    Sit petra says:


  87. 87
    verticalwater says:

    NHS……. Now where’s the fucking bath water?

  88. 88
    retype says:

    You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Now let me make myself clear… no, no… now let’s be very clear about this… no, Now let me make myself absolutely clear about this… yes, better…Life in plastic, it’s fantastic, You can brush my hair, tum te dum de dum, you talkin’ to me? etc etc

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    ” I just love a Shambaby”

  90. 90
    A poor little rich posh boy says:

    This replacement really seems over qualified

  91. 91
    broderick crawford says:

    you shot my fox

    i was going to say

    thank god it s plastic .. i can lose this one with impunity .

  92. 92
    Schrodinaling says:

    Schrodingalong do?

  93. 93
    makem says:

    I think you’ll find that cameron has killed more disabled people though – ask the DWP

  94. 94
    bubbles says:

    Cameron: Sam are you sure its mine, looks a bit plastic to me, Sam: yes it is

  95. 95
  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    Yet another one buggered.

  97. 97
    Chillaxing Dave says:

    [squeeze] I wuv you, we’ll be friends for ever!

    “Listen to that Crosby, you fucktard! I said your poll results about my personal rating were a crock of shit!”

  98. 98
    Aparat says:

    “It’s backbencher role-play time.”

  99. 99

    Oi ! Dave you fuckwit , the real one is still in the pub !

  100. 100
    Stop Press says:

    Bercow Abducted

  101. 101
    Paul Clayton says:

    Ffion will kill me letting you go out without your baseball cap!

  102. 102
    Cast-Iron Guarantee says:

    This little PR stunt should win over all those dim women voters. And I hope the subliminal message gets through — women may be seen but not heard

  103. 103
    Fisher-Price says:

    Politician not trusted until results of latest CRB check come through….

  104. 104
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Voice from off camera “Stewrth Dave …..missed opportunity mate ……why is this doll not black or at least coffee colored?”

  105. 105
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    Doll: “fuck off Dave. I am a UKIP supporter”

  106. 106
    Mars Attacks says:

    Fuck! This isn’t the one I took to the pub!

  107. 107
    Aparat says:

    “It’s my turn to push you around – Mrs. Bone needs a rest.”

    “I promised Sam I wouldn’t lose this one.”

  108. 108
    Baron Skinner says:

    “I know he wants minors to join the Government: well now he has got one.”

  109. 109
    Aparat says:

    “Wham, Bam, Thank-you Sam, Leaves Cam with Pram.”

  110. 110
    Heidi the Blow-Up Doll says:

    I should never have slept with a man whose face is made of Botox.

  111. 111
    Aparat says:

    A bit better, but no more humourous:

    “‘Wham, Bam, Thank-you Sam’, Leaves Cam Carrying the Pram.”

  112. 112
    Aparat says:

    Still not funny:

    “‘Wham, Bam, Thank-you, Sam’ Leaves Cam with Pram and Baby.”

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

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