July 19th, 2013

Blair and Mandy Lay It on Thick For Chuka

The hand of Blair is on Chuka’s shoulder in George Parker’s feature for tomorrow’s FT Weekend magazine. “A close ally of the former Prime Minister” gives him a glowing reference, with Mandy also piling on the praise. Still no escaping that awkward Wikipedia-editing business though:

“So inevitable, indeed, that a Wikipedia entry apparently originating from the wannabe MP’s campaign team – but not written by him, he insists – helpfully drew attention to the “British Obama” way back in 2007, in case anyone might have missed them. When news of this Wiki-doctoring emerged this year, David Cameron taunted Umunna, the MP for Streatham, in the House of Commons: “Can we change our Wikipedia entry? Yes we can.” Umunna, 34, claims to hate the parallels – the construct of “lazy journalists”, he once said – and glowered at Cameron, disgust written across his face. He would not have seen it, but some of those laughing loudest were behind him on the Labour benches.”

Ouch. At least he is very, very sorry about calling Londoners trash:

“Of course it was a stupid thing to say. I wasn’t even a candidate at that point but I’m really sorry and regret what I said. I’ve never pretended to be a saint and to have never said stupid things in the past.”

Other gems include a young Chuka’s voice appearing on the theme tune to Mr Bean when he was a chorister at his local Cathedral and a special mention for a certain parody twitter account. And, for the avoidance of doubt, his name rhymes with cooker…


101 Comments

  1. 1
    jmf says:

    The love child of D fatbutt and T blair

    • 5
      Scottish Chav says:

      AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!
      Mind Bleach please!

      • 46
        tn01 says:

        New Labour still rubbing diversity info the indigenes noses.

        • 55
          Tony Blair, Millionaire says:

          Hey guys, it’s moi, Tone!

          Far be it for me to conduct some unpaid lobbying or even move against Millie Tant but…..well…..

          Just don’t Chukka out the baby with the bathwater.

          • By the time Obama is thrown out of office as the most toxic Anti-American and fiscally irresponsible President in their history, Chuka will be distancing himself once again

          • He's the most despicable koont says:

            Hi Tone, can you tell me why you pop out of the woodwork cockroach style, so often? Is it to bathe in the derision in which you are held? Jeeze, pop them clogs soon.

          • Delores DelSyn says:

            He’s a creepy puffed-up narcissist. Has wrong ‘un written all over him.

            Still, not the worst of not-new-Labour.

            (But fucking close!)

          • Tony Blair, Millionaire says:

            I’m really disappointed by these responses….after all, I’m just a regular kinda guy, just trying to make ends meet….and do my bit for….world peace

          • 600,000 dead Iraqis says:

            Please go away Tony

  2. 2
    Chuka Umunna says:

    A4202 London – A4202 Park Lane in Mayfair blocked northbound between the A4 Hyde Park Corner junction and the A40 Cumberland Gate junction, because of a police incident.

    • 16
      broderick crawford says:

      the police have “incidents ” ?!!

      I thought they just had the power of collective synoptic recall … and then only when reading from their notebooks in court .

      • 37
        Living in 97.333% white Merseyside says:

        Isn’t that where all the Roma are camping out?

        Poor Londistan!

  3. 3
    jmf says:

    The Marie Miller of the labour party

  4. 4
    Psychologist says:

    You are obsessed with him because you perceive him to be a threat.

    • 6
      Scottish Chav says:

      indeed … to the entire country!

    • 9
      Pop will eat itself says:

      Pen1s Envy

    • 13
      I'd rather prefer an alternative to more socialism says:

      Wrong, I laugh at Chuka because I percieve him to be an hypocritical, bullshitting twat. What’s more, I’d wager most percieve him that way too.

    • 20
      broderick crawford says:

      i am a threat because i perceive myself to be a psychologist .

    • 69
      Diddley says:

      No, I suspect he just likes pointing at dickheads. Fukka makes it easy though….

      • 85
        Hallo there says:

        Well his name rhymes with ‘cooker’. Round these parts that would be ‘keewwka’ (to rhyme more with kookaburra).

  5. 7
    Pontiuos Pilot says:

    so there I was trying to recover from a nasty time with with sciatica , resting in the garden, enjoying the sun and the warm when suddenly, out of the skies come several low flying jets who continue in the sky above me for two more hours – one about 100 ft above the house roof – are we being invaded or what? who gives these bastards the ability to do this? oh I know the unaccountable DoH – bastards

    • 27
      Salmondnet says:

      Do you live in Lincolnshire? If so it is probably just your personal fly past from the Red Arrows. They are working their way round everyone in the country, but people keep breeding so it’s a long job. Try not to be so ungracious.

    • 51
      nellnewman says:

      It’s against the law for any of them to fly lower than 500ft.

      You should complain !

  6. 8
    Chuka Mike Hammer says:

    Streatham: I’ll never go there anymore… well, that’s what it says in the song and that’s what I tell myself every time I wander along its trashy sidewalks, but I always go there some more. Savile Row – to the man who writes the encyclopedia, it’s an avenue in London extending from Vigo Street to the junction of Maddox and Conduit at Hanover Square. When I go there, I don’t see anything but a land of pawnshops and flophouses, peopled by trash and missionaries and God bless the latter.

    • 11
      Peter York (style guru) says:

      Today’s discerning dapper gentleman procures his attire from JD on Streatham High Road.

  7. 10
    The Lizzud Returns says:

    How do you make “Umuna” rhyme with “cooker”?

    • 14
      Paniagua v5 says:

      Fucker Umunna?

    • 23
      broderick crawford says:

      are we talking ladies of the night here as in hooker ?

    • 28
      pot black says:

      Looker U-munter?
      At least I know it rhymes with munt.

    • 44
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      “Chuka” (as in “chooka,” I suppose you mean?) only rhymes with “cooker,” in non-rhotic dialects.
      West Country? They don’t count. They talk funny. They pronounce their trailing “R’s” the way most Yanks do. And apparently the way the Guido’s don’t.
      Would you call what most English do “Arrhotica”?

      • 59
        Sir William Waad says:

        It’s more of a retroflex R in West Country dialects.

        • 65
          gumbo says:

          I am assured Diane Abbot rolls her Rs but then it is difficult to tell under all the puppy fat.

  8. 12
    Scamp The Excitable Dog says:

    It’s like watching a 13 year old X-Factor wannabe getting groomed on Facebook by a pair of lecherous frantically masturbating Savile’s.

    I know Chuck will be checking this thread out, so let me just tell him.
    You got caught doing something that will never allow you to become leader of your party with an ounce of integrity, let alone become our first Black PM.
    Hope you think those few little words were worth it you beyond arrogant banker.

    • 15
      Psychologist says:

      The unwarranted vehemence of your words can be interpreted as a defence mechanism. It is indicative of your deep-seated fear and insecurity.

      • 17
        Another Psychologist says:

        Finish him.

        That will be £1500 + VAT

      • 19
        Owen Jones says:

        its that what the dreams about huge black willies is about? … or is that something else?

      • 32
        Harry S. Barackonsonson Esq says:

        It’s all just about “words” here really isn’t it?
        I’m not sure anyone even really cares about words anymore?
        I personally think Chukka would make s splendid President, sorry, did I say President? I meant Prime Minister.
        He’s certainly a smart and well dressed fellow and by all accounts, as big a hit with the ladies as he is with the more reptilian members of his won party.

    • 97
      Wtf am I says:

      We had a disasterous Brown pm.

  9. 22
    Lord Stansted says:

    Don’t know about now, but their Saturday magazine was rubbish when I used to subscribed to the FT – one of the reasons I ditched the paper.

  10. 24
    ruth-less says:

    If only he was Jooish or Caffolick. Then he would be a four aces contender.
    Dumb, Beige, Socialist and having a religious pedigree that compliments the other 3 failings completely.

  11. 26
    Ron Barras says:

    He’s so slippery and dishonest.

    He’ll go far in politics.

  12. 30
    jesus is real says:

    is it just me reckons that he ( like Obama) is a CIA creation ?

  13. 31
    meow says:

    just try asking someone in burnley how they pronounce “cooker”.

  14. 35
    Chukka cant says:

    That photo earlier with him looking at steel ….. He justs looks vacant, playing a role but no clue whatsoever

  15. 36
    Labour can fuck off & get their own ideas says:

    People have had enough of Labour’s style over substance politics. It is akin to wrapping shite up in a bow. Time for Pro EU Tony & Mandelscum to stop lobbying Labour to line their own pockets. B.liarism kills! Time for Labour to purge themselves of the evil, self-serving B.liarites. Once & for all!

    • 39
      Living in 97.333% white Merseyside says:

      I enjoyed life when that nice Mr Blair was in power.

      So did everyone else.

      Forgotten the Boom Years (1997-2007) already?

  16. 38
    bergen says:

    For such a short career, he’s already accumulated enough baggage to keep critics busy. The last thing he needs now is Tone and Mandy praising him. He’s going nowhere.

    • 71
      Ippikin says:

      He never was!
      We, the plebs are just a little too perceptive these days to fall for his pretentious ego-smothered bullshit.

  17. 41
    ITS BLEAK IN SUNDERLAND WITH 3 LABOUR MPS AND NO FOOD BANKS says:

    Chukks was in Sunderland last night as the guest speaker of the Sunderland CLP dinner so he is clearly putting himself about no doubt glad handing for the future,giving his distaste for the Chav he will have his work cut as this is Chavland personfied and as far as Wikipedia is concerned these numpties probably think its an STD.

    • 50
      Living in 97.333% white Merseyside says:

      I doubt he was impressed with the shops in Fawcett Street.

      “What were these vacant buildings?” – “They used to be famous department stores”.

      • 67
        ITS BLEAK IN SUNDERLAND WITH 3 LABOUR MPS AND NO FOOD BANKS says:

        Yeah a bit like Chukka ….vacant

  18. 42
    meanwhile says:

    A former BBC news editor has been handed a community service order after admitting downloading and distributing indecent images of children.

    Another one, seems like its expected of them.

  19. 45
    only arsk'd says:

    is this labourlist?

  20. 47
    jesus is real says:

    I just say these things so that I can help somebody, save you some time, time I spent, you can have it it is free it is gratis.
    So I read the book Zen in the art of motorcycle maintainence and the guy is saying
    ” the teacher said look I do not expend any energy.”
    “feel my biceps”
    And I felt his biceps and it was true there was no tension in his muscles
    ” How can this be? the teacher is so advanced that without exerting any energy he is able to draw the 100lb bow effortlessly”
    It is because he is using his back muscles you fuckwit.

    • 54
      jesus is real says:

      of course when the idiot metal clad troops sunk the Mary Rose, ” Oh look there is the king” “Dohh” then there were proper Englishmen with the innate ability to be archers

  21. 48
    Chucky (Obama) Ummuna says:

    More from the Chucky Newsroom (’cause I’ve still got fuck-all to do);

    * There’s going to be a tea party on Clapham Common tomorrow. I’ll be there for my photo-op, with doggie (and Ron Davies)
    * There’s still a little water problem on St. Reatham Hill
    * New Wiki page entry says Will Smith, on local school visit, looked trashy compared to handsome local MP Chukka Ummuna
    * I’m hot

    • 49
      HMRC says:

      Oops, you said Tea Party.

      Now we’re going to have to investigate you thoroughly, just like our US counterparts do when that phraseology has been used.

      Are there any tax evasion matters you would like to confess to before we even start, Mr Umunna? It’ll go easier for you in the long run if you come clean.

      • 87
        Hallo there says:

        Long time since I was in London. Do the chimps still have their daily tea party at the zoo?

  22. 52
    FairBobby says:

    I wasn’t a racist until I saw Ummuna, or whatever his name is. Now I’m committed.

    • 72
      Ippikin says:

      For years I thought the Queen classic ‘Fat bottomed girls’ was in fact ‘Black bottomed girls’ and always wondered who Freddie based the song on.
      Any ideas?

      • 88
        Hallo there says:

        The maid in the Tom and Jerry cartoons who is always bashing Tom with her broom?

  23. 53

    What? Harrisonooker?

  24. 56
    Bazinga! says:

    Anyone else she NHS murderer Alan johnson complaining about the Zimmerman case on This week last night?

    As usual because a jury didn’t come up with the verdict the left like Johnson called is a travesty and couldn’t understand how he could be found not guilty.

    Of course not alan, in between killing thousands of people in the NHS and fucking up the economy you clearly have no idea of democracy do you?

    WE can all argue the rights and wrongs of Zimmerman challenging Martin, we can all argue the rights and wrongs f the stand your ground law, but the BOTTOM LINE was the jury had to make a decision based on the evidence put before them and I for one saw nothing that would have allowed anyone to consider a verdict of guilt beyond reasonable doubt, unless Johnson like all lefty mongs assumes any black person killed is always an innocent victim regardless?

    The link below basically outlines why a not guilty verdict was the only one. Alan Johnson is a fucking twat and should stick to killing people in the NHS, something he, Burnham and Labour are expert at.

    http://edition.cnn.com/2013/07/14/us/zimmerman-why-this-verdict

    • 62
      Gordon "Mandeba" Brown says:

      The knob contended that Zimmerman “attacked” Martin and killed him.

      That’s not what the evidence tended to show.

  25. 58
    nellnewman says:

    Hmmm why are bliar and mandy lobbying for chuckusyamoney?

    It couldn’t be because he’s terribly wealthy and will make it worth their while could it?

    This pair do absolutely nothing, do they? out of the goodness of their heart or for worthwhile charitable ends – mind I suppose they’d claim lining their own pockets is a worthwhile charitable end.

  26. 60
    Labour Tvrd. says:

    So Tony & Mandy understand that you can’t polish a tvrd but u can roll it glitter. This is what they are attempting to do here. I take it phoney Tony & Mandelson don’t give much hope to Ed Militant winning the next election!

  27. 61

    Well that is fine and dandy top Global lobbyist Tone and his old sidekick Mandy doing a spot of high powered lobbying for Chuka. Hope he can pay their bill. Nothing is for nothing.

  28. 64
    nellnewman says:

    Odd thing isn’t it about labour? They sold themselves as the party of the people – the only party who had compassion and would look after everyone.

    Then they got into power and decided to wage war on Iraq sending our soldiers to a war front without proper equipment and killing them in large numbers and killed thousands of Iraqi’s.

    They then killed off industry by introducing welfare benefits so generous people didn’t want to work

    And then to make sure their destruction was complete they reduced the NHS to a killing machine with less compassion for the sick and elderly than is found in a russian gulag!

  29. 68
    Chooka Oopa says:

    Is it cos I is black?

  30. 75
    Ippikin says:

    That boated of from West Brummich had fallen strangely quiet. Anyone know what he is up to?

  31. 77
    The Belmarsh Tooth Fairy says:

    Its quite hard speaking with my front teeth staved in and a black dick wedged into the space.

    • 83
      Tory Boy says:

      Please post the assailant’s name and inmate number, I must mail him some cigarettes and sweets.

  32. 78

    How much do we pay him

  33. 79
    Penfold says:

    He’s totally screwed with B-Liar and Mandy giving him plaudits.

  34. 80
    Nu NuLiebor Vomit Inducing Faces says:

    But as soon as I see that face I want to Chuk up not Chook up.

  35. 81
    Tory Boy says:

    saw Chucker in Boujis last year sitting next another man in vip lounge with hands on each other’s thighs all smiles. No wonder Mandy and Tone like him, he carries the torch for the gay cabal at the heart of new Labour. There is also a rumour he got done for importuning at a certain London station public convenience so another thing he has in common with Bliar. Obviously I’m not a lefty but this lad just comes across as smug and mouthy, not particularly intellectual. Worst of all he is shamelessly on the make and very pleased with himself – reminds me a bit of actor Ben Stiller – the ego eclipses the talent.

  36. 84
    Swiss Tony says:

    Its rather like making love to a beautiful man…

  37. 89
    Magic 8 Ball says:

    The Tories FEAR Andy Burnham and Chuka Umunna.

    Fact.

    Why continue to prove it with your feeble smears?

  38. 92
    Chris Bryant says:

    I fear a Blair/Mandleson spit roast coming on for Ummuna. Bight that pillow bitch!

  39. 93
    vetusta ecclesia says:

    Chuka’s socialist credentials are not all they seem – his grandfather was a celebrated judge, Sir Helenus Milmo.


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Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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