July 17th, 2013

No Nipples Please, We’re Her Majesty’s Telegraph

Guido was not the only one to perk up when he noticed the subtle difference between the front pages of the Telegraph’s print and iPad editions. As part of the new “digital first” strategy, it seems someone is employed to Photoshop nipples out of the print edition. Guido likes to keep you abreast of the bigger stories of the day.


  1. 1
    DtP says:

    Nice clunge! Or, if you’re in company – lovely decolletage, whey hey!


    • 2
      Chapel Hat Pegs says:

      She does not have a chest for radio.


    • 7
      Sir Jimmy Savile says:

      She’s too old for me.


    • 27
      joekano76 says:

      No idea who she is, but what a lovely pair of fun bags.


    • 30
      Lord Sir Domly Dom says:

      What is wrong with the world? news outlets show dead, slaughtered victims of the worst sort of violence all the time. But a nipple? AGGHHHHHHH!

      What sort of conditioning is it that allows the most hatefilled violence to be acceptable to look at, but nipples, or God forbid, nudity, is a complete no go area?

      Hendrix was right. When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. Until then we glorify war, hatred and violence, whilst condemning peace, love and sex.

      The world is totally fucking insane.


      • 40
        Lord Stansted says:

        Hendrix, like all 60’s people, was either an idiot or a con-man. The youth of the time wanted free love – all they’ve got is free porn.


      • 45
        Meanwhile Elsewhere says:

        Talking of insane, I see the world class trougher and man of many dubious contacts, Alan Duncan, has had his snout firmly re-attatched to the trough as International Development Minister.

        What opportunity from corrupt third world dictators await.

        Large rations all round!


  2. 3
    BBC 'Producer' says:

    Why is it always pictures of wimmin, what about a six pack in a posing pouch covered in oil


  3. 4
    Noticed her before says:

    Shame she wears carpets when shes reading the news, would be like banging your grandma.


  4. 5
    john@loggerheads says:

    She’s very very tasty!


  5. 8
    Average Joseph says:

    Never seen an ipad. Are they any good and worth paying three times as much than an android thing?


  6. 9
    S.B.S. says:

    Maybe no nipps on the front but on page 15 there is a real Hunt, (Cameron)


  7. 10
    dai laughing says:

    you are clearly safer on front page tits than you are on parliamentary re-shuffles

    stress relief?


  8. 11
    sir boffton toffton mp - what? says:

    where’s the microphone – what?


  9. 14
    The wife of a multimillionaire says:


    • 53
      Fucking Gordon brought this medieival backward religious shit here says:

      Another few years and the Browns will only have to travel as a far a Bradford to fight for a girls right to have an education.


    • 57
      Bazinga! says:

      Fuck off back to your sham marriage Mrs Brown.


  10. 15
    Ah! Monika says:

    And only yesterday I was bemoaning the lack of nipples during the hot weather.

    Shame. Huff Post would do no such thing.


  11. 16
    Probably says:

    Do they swing to the left?


  12. 17
    Handbags at dawn says:


    • 19
      Owen Jones says:

      Never having worked for a living my mum gave me a computer to keep my hands occupied.


    • 35
      Lord Sir Domly Dom says:

      Owen Jones, self identifying as the hero of the “vulnerable”….

      Unless the “vulnerable” are being left to rot to death in foetid pools of their own excrement and urine and denied pain relief, inside labour’s death camp hospitals… Then they can fuck off and die, because otherwise it reveals a very painful truth of the left.

      They hate the poor and would rather see them dead, than improve themselves and better their lives through self-reliance.


      • 85
        Red Ed says:

        Where was Unite when all this was gong on? Oh yes, vandalising the grave of the whistle-blower’s mother.


      • 87
        ...As A Hatter says:

        It a little cooler today, so it is unlikely to be the heat. Best to find a dark room.


    • 42
      Non Sequitur ? says:


      Vote UKIP.


  13. 18
    nipplebook says:


  14. 22

    Striving continually to perfect my poster campaign…




    Labour: An NHS to die for





    • 28
      Ah! Monika says:

      No woner patients are having to stay on trolleys. Danny Boyle buggered hundreds of beds.


      • 44
        the pointing finger of fate says:

        I’m not sure everybody knows what “NHS” means and I’m not sure that you understand rules of “a” and “an”


        • 54
          This could be more punchy says:



          Labour: Dead Wrong On National Health




          • But it’s not the dead who are wrong, It is Labour.


          • This could be more punchy says:

            You can read it several ways – I know you are being a little ironic.

            If on a poster in 4 foot high red letters, black background maybe with a spotlight on a pool of blood, scalpel, and wreath of red roses in bottom right corner, the impact would be fairly direct.

            Most would read the following:

            Labour are Dead Wrong. Key message.

            Dead in national health is wrong. ie. National Health Service is there to prevent deaths. Real message on NHS, and really why we pay for it.

            Munge the two together in the subconscious and you will have slightly less receptive ears to Labour’s propaganda.

            To your point, in the area of public health the dead are wrong. As an abstraction, publicly funded health is there to prevent deaths, so those who die on it through natural causes or otherwise should be considered its key failing.

            Now how serious those failings are is a different issue.

            Natural deaths less so as that is in the hands of god. (Death by enforced dehydration is not a ‘natural’ death)

            The poster idea above goes to the heart of unnecessary deaths, which by any yardstick are really not acceptable, particularly for public health policies implemented through a national health service.


          • As you know, my intention is to irretrievably link Labour with death.

            Because, in so many ways, they are just that.


        • 56

          EN – H – S! It’s not bleeding difficult, is it?

          Expire, Hit the bricks and Succumb


        • 65

          An hotel
          An honour
          An historic event
          An hour
          An horrific way of speaking
          An heir to the throne


  15. 23
    Centre Parting says:

    Not more weapons of mass destruction on BBC radio.


  16. 26
    Ah! Monika says:

    School meal kills 22 in India
    At least 22 children have died and dozens more are ill after eating a tainted free school meal in India’s eastern state of Bihar.

    AND.. they want to force ALL kids to eat ‘em here. Packed lunches are bad for your health.

    If one mum doesn’t wash her hands, one gets it.
    If a dinner-lady doesn’t wash her hands, the whole school gets it !!


  17. 31
    Labour is a criminal party says:

    I’ve noticed in the past that whenever embarrassing facts about the last Labour government are mentioned at PMQs, the women Labour MPs always shriek like loons. I think it’s safe to say they’ll be shrieking this afternoon when the NHS is mentioned. Labour avoid responsibility for their crimes and one of the ways they avoid it is to try and drown out Cameron with a chorus of bellowing and shrieking, predominantly from female Labour MPs who are also all repulsively fat.


  18. 34
    Labour is a criminal party says:

    If you thought bbc bias couldn’t get any worse, I caught a minute of last night’s Eastenders where a character was ranting about her benefits being cut because she did a couple hours work and said “Sticking up for working families my arse!” The beeb, doing Labour’s propaganda as per usual.


    • 41
      BBC 24 Hr rolling bollocks says:

      For decades the BBC have used their drama shows as a vehicle for lefty propaganda.
      ‘Casualty’ in the 80’s was fucking notorious for it.


      • 55
        Paniagua v5 says:

        Although they did make a MASSIVE mistake last night when they showed Tamwar in the cafe during daylight hours EATING during Ramadan.

        I expect heads rolled for that.


      • 60
        Lord Stansted says:

        Indeed. I loved it when Tom Archer worried about global warming. That was several years ago before they had to re-brand to climate change.


    • 51
      Bazinga! says:

      Not just Gaybenders but Dr Poo as well. must really fuck the BBC off that their most popular show features three middle aged white men.


      • 82
        JH3434435435 says:

        IIRC Top Gear is responsible for 20% of the BBC’s global profit, when you include syndication.

        That must really, really, really piss them off. Why can’t people like the Guardian instead?


    • 63
      Fishy says:

      Which is exactly why the ‘secret’ meeting of experts on climate change comprised of the BBC’s heads of drama, kiddies programmes, comedy etc., etc., etc.

      It wasn’t about understanding climate change, it was about finding ways of disseminating their chosen messages through their programming.



  19. 39
    Slightly Sleazy Comment says:

    I prefer the one on the right …


  20. 43
    Andrew Efiong says:


    Talk about delivering cold, hard news.


  21. 48
    Tachybaptus says:

    See nipples and die.


  22. 49
    Bazinga! says:

    Anyone else read Toenail’s latest blog post re the NHS? If proof were ever needed he sucks the cock of Nu Labour, this is it.

    I’ve put it below

    Jeremy Hunt is trying to re-write the script on the NHS.

    When he became health secretary he knew that the combination of unpopular reforms to the health service – which Ed Miliband has dubbed David Cameron’s poll tax – and an unprecedented squeeze on NHS funding would allow Labour to run their traditional campaign “you can’t trust the Tories with the NHS”.

    Given David Cameron’s use of his “love” of the NHS to burnish his “caring, compassionate Conservatism” this posed a real threat to the Tories’ ability to win the next election.

    So, Hunt decided to present himself as the champion of the patient challenging the institutional failures of the NHS.

    After playing the Mid Staffs inquiry straight he decided to use yesterday’s Keogh report to blame Labour for covering up the NHS’s failings and for putting ministers’ reputations before patient care. His political aim is to demonstrate that the health service needs more than love – it needs a cure that Labour cannot be trusted to administer.

    The Tories fear they can never win the battle for the voters’ hearts on the NHS, but they can blunt Labour’s attacks. They are learning from the first piece of advice any hired political consultant will offer – “define your opponent before they can define themselves”.

    On borrowing, welfare and now the NHS the Conservatives are trying to tell the electorate what Labour stands for before Ed Miliband gets round to doing it.

    PS: The constant denials that Lynton Crosby did not lobby or advise on health policy ignore one thing the Conservatives admit he did do. He advised the Tories to “scrape the barnacles off the boat” ie discard any plans that would cause unnecessary and distracting political rows – like those on minimum alcohol pricing and, er, plain cigarette packaging.


    • 64
      BBC muddying the waters on behalf of the c*nts they like says:

      The reason Hunt is forced to remind people when and under which party most of this shit happened is because the fucking BBC don’t.


    • 66
      The BBC causes serious mental illness says:

      That BBC article fails for me as it fails the credibility test.

      If there was no substance to what is now being learned about what happened at the NHS under Labour then the stories would not be appearing in the media, and folk would not be having their parents graves desecrated by Labour activists and be chased out of their home towns for blowing the whistle.

      The key credibility failure for all these party political assertions that this is just standard spat is that on an issue of this enormity, it does not make sense. The down side risks are too great – and if the truth was that there is no fire for all this smoke then the party playing those games would be toast.

      The problem is that many have seen the flames.

      The Tories are not playing party politics completely here – maybe a little – but overwhelmingly they are not.

      They are leading the coalition in a barnacle cleaning exercise, stripping these particularly nasty growths off the hull of public service, but have a lot further to go.

      The issue of organized killing by the state of UK citizens through the NHS under Labour should be referred to the ICC so that international prosecutors can start proceedings against all involved on both the political and civil service side of the UK government who were involved in this.

      Labour cannot be trusted with the NHS, or for that matter anything to do with public service generally.

      Due to the nature of this crime, the UK government cannot be trusted to deal with this in the rightful interests of both justice and the ongoing safety of the civilian population of the UK.


  23. 58
    Paniagua v5 says:

    I was asked once if I was a tit man or an arse man.

    My reply was ‘depends upon which way they are facing’


  24. 61
    the pointing finger of fate says:

    this photo wants colour correction


  25. 72
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Storm in a C cup.


  26. 73
    Nick Robinson says:

    Another great win for Labour


  27. 74
    Jimmy says:

    I think this is more a 5live/talksport demo don’t you?


  28. 77
    Officious Bystander says:

    The colour has changed too (of the dress, not the nipple)


  29. 80
    Rich Rostrom says:

    Also the framing is different.

    The digital (right) image is cropped closer in at the top (no space above head), right (arm is not seen), bottom (stomach is not seen), and left (less of arm is seen – note intersection of shoulder line with edge). Are these in fact the same original image?


  30. 81
    Abdulla'h says:

    It makes a change from the fully veiled look …


  31. 86

    No nipples what a shame


  32. 89
    Anonymous says:

    A pointed remark about two goods points.


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