July 17th, 2013

Dave Ducks Pre-Summer Deckchair Reorganisation

Despite it being widely reported last week and over the weekend, Downing Street sources now say there will not be a reshuffle before the summer break. The idea of creating a new batch of disgruntled ex-ministers and letting them stew over a long hot summer did seem a little odd, yet their new claim that “it was never going to happen” should be taken with a lot of salt; especially given the imminent were being openly discussed by Tory staffers as late as last night at the PM’s media drinks party. That faint sound you can hear is Claire Perry gently sobbing…


  1. 1
    SaltPetre says:

    Surely Claire Perry is content with representing the needs of her constituents. A role she is surely happy and proud to do? Higher office may distract her from that valuable and rewarding work.

  2. 2
    The Right Honourable George Osborne Mp says:

    I think we’ve got a very clear message, a loud and clear message that Britain cannot let up in dealing with its debts, dealing with its problems, cannot let up in making sure that Britain can pay its way in the world.

  3. 3
    Hope Powell, celebrity lezza says:

    I know a winner when I see one. I’m backing Britain’s greatest and gayest PM, David Cameron.

  4. 4
    Police Balls says:

  5. 5
    Greedo "murdoch bum boy" Fawkes says:

    So, in essence, I have been spouting bollocks for weeks.

  6. 6
    mark carney says:

    fuck off knob jockey.

  7. 7
    So why don't you fuck off then? says:

  8. 8
    plastic paddy, kosher cocksucker to be sure, to be sure says:

    as they say in the Ould Sod, I’ve taking out of my fanny, again.

  9. 9
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Exactly. Story chasers like Guido invent a story and then when it turns out to be a complete load of bollocks they say the decision has been ‘ducked’. Cheap journalism.

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Music to many ears.

  11. 11
    M102 says:

    Does anyone still have those bottle costumes?

  12. 12
    5 year old says:

    Dear Prime Minister,

    Can you please re-shuffle our PPE teacher during our summer break.
    Thank you


  13. 13
    5 year old says:

    PS We haven’t done question mark’s yet.

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    But what about all those she’d told in strict confidence and who had then passed it on in strict confidence?

  15. 15
    water watch says:

  16. 16
    Big Len says:

    You Tories ought to be more grateful.

    If it wasn’t for me you would be up against his brother!!

  17. 17
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Bad news for Labour and its mouthpiece over at the BBC – unemployment falls.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    thanks chuckie.was wondering why the kettle was taking so long to fill.

  19. 19
    Populace says:

    At last an MP tells the truth.

  20. 20
    Graham Gooch's Jockstrap says:

    Is Tom Watson behind the leak?

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Anyone know if I am still married?

    They have just repealed the laws of 1892 that validates my marriage as if it was occurred in the UK.

    In the new laws it seems to be expressed only for future actions. As in a marriage occurring from now on.


  22. 22
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Or punctuation, it seems.

  23. 23
    Winning for Britain says:

    Osborne in winning for Britain

  24. 24
    Ah! Monika says:

    Benefits claimants down by 57,000.

  25. 25
    Cuppa Tea? says:

    Tony Blair and Labour might have some explaining to do but I do think you’re exaggerating a tad.

  26. 26
  27. 27
    Fishy says:

    I don’t know about 600, Dave ought to reduce the number of MPs to 400.

    The fuckers have obviously got nothing to do.

  28. 28
    F'UGLY says:

  29. 29
    Audiologist. says:

    Sounds like you do need help. Speak clearly.

  30. 30
    Audiologist. says:


  31. 31
    Fishy says:

    This week is all about Burnham.

    Why would Dave spoil all the fun by having a reshuffle?

  32. 32
    Malala says:

    Is it alright if I go to school Mr Choudary?

  33. 33
    Engineer says:

    I have often wondered what happened to the Channel tunneling machine.

  34. 34
  35. 35
    Guido says:

    Today’s caption contest.

  36. 36
    Ah! Monika says:


  37. 37
    Watershed says:


  38. 38
    UKIP voter says:

    Good, no reshuffle until Sept. Don’t want to lose our greatest assets to soon.

  39. 39
    wilkinson's sword says:

    faced with a scientifically and culturally advanced civilization Islamics huddle in a corner and go on and on and on and on about old stuff that they read

  40. 40
    V1le Labour trashed my Country says:

    Only if you are named Belsen Burnham.

  41. 41
    Average Mull@h says:

    You know the rules!

    No music.

    No singing.

    No dancing.

    No education.

    No boyfriends.

    No showing your face.

    No showing your body.

    No clitoris.

    No disobedience to your owners ( males ).

  42. 42
    RetardEd Militwat, fish faced fukwit, hopless Union puppet, but Justin still thinks he'll be PM says:

    Tho vat we can get our thubby wittle handth on de wains of power again and thplath it all up ve f√cking wallth again!!

    Pith away your future – Vote Labour.

  43. 43
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    What is the point of Diane Abbot?

    Is she merely here to annoy us? Or to provide shade to as many people as possible on sunny days, perhaps?

    What have we done to deserve her?

  44. 44
    God says:

    I did her for shits and giggles that’s all.

  45. 45
    wilkinson's sword says:

    let us not be critical of the water main, first we must discover why the water main felt that it should burst.

  46. 46
    Labour Tony says:

    I hope that all will be repaired by 2 pm, as I plan to have my afternoon shit in the Chicken Cottage, then again, why worry, I never flush

  47. 47
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    The impending royal arrival will (conveniently for Labour) remove Burnham from the news.

    If she can keep her legs crossed for just a few more days….

  48. 48
    wilkinson's sword says:

    it is like anything else, if you force too much into it then it will eventually burst

  49. 49
    The Establishment of treacherous c*nts says:

    Do you mean britain a province of the unelected and unremovable, openly fascist EU dictatorship?

    Or Britain, a sovereign country ruled by a sovereign government, solely for the benefit of it’s people?

  50. 50
    wilkinson's sword says:

    suicide rate of people jumping off bridges drops

  51. 51
    wilkinson's sword says:

    support for hanging falls by 6 feet

  52. 52
    Pliny the Welder says:

    I wouldn’t care what she looks like, if it wasn’t for her pathetic and naked political ambition, which towers over her political ability of 0.

    And it’s NOT because she’s a woman or that she’s black – it’s because she spouts defeatist, leftist wank as if it would free the whole world, rather than what it has done in those areas that have adopted it – to enslave it’s entire population beyond anything her ancestors had to endure, awful as THAT was.

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Which sadist sent in this abott “up hooter” shot?

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Believe me it could have been a great deal worse.

  55. 55
    Fag Ash Farage and his magic Garage... TOOT, TOOT! says:

    Look into my eyes…. not around the eyes, into my eyes…. and your under.

    The whole world can be healed by the UK leaving the EU, and I am the new Messiah.

    Vote UKIP.

    And….. your back in the room.

    Cigarette? Off shore educational trust fund advice?

  56. 56
    Vote UKIP says:

    Forget about your marriage. Dave has destroyed the meaning of it.

  57. 57
    Labour voter says:

    Good, no reshuffle until Sept. Don’t want to lose our greatest assets to soon.

  58. 58
    Labour Ministry of Truth says:

    Freedom is slavery.

  59. 59

    Not if I can get some posters up in certain key constituencies where there have been problems:



    Burnham presided over KILLING in the NHS



  60. 60
    P l e b says:

    Cameron has been thinking about a reshuffle for many months now, and can’t get away from the conclusion that the obvious solution is to reshuffle himself.

  61. 61
    wilkinson's sword says:

    oh really ?
    but divorced anyway so no point going there.

  62. 62
    I think we need a recount - using real numbers says:

    What everyone?
    North Korea (They think the world is the dream of a madman on a unicorn hatstand)
    Russia (yeah – right!)
    South Africa.
    New Zealand

    So lets see, that’s about 4/5ths of the worlds population. Now talk to the EDUCATED muslim world, and you’ll find a very mixed reaction, particularly about the UK – but more importantly JamSandwich, WTF are YOU doing here, you piece of iinconsequential pig sh1t?

    Even Muslims who are rightly critical of where Labour led us 2001< think you are an irrelevance.

  63. 63
    6 year old says:

    No., but we have been through the story book about the happy family marriage with two daddies and the lucky little baby boys they’ve adopted.

    The picture with them all in bed together was great, with the daddies kissing each other.

  64. 64
    wilkinson's sword says:

    this photo needs some colour correction

  65. 65
    Dave the Gay Marriage Champion says:

    Only if you make a fist of it.

  66. 66
    Borris says:

    Hava Nigella! Boom! Boom!

  67. 67
    caring NHS midwife says:

    for fuck’s sake PUSH

  68. 68
    RetardEd Militwat, fish faced fukwit, hopless Union puppet, but Justin still thinks he'll be PM says:

    What?! Am I going thomewhere?

    (Unions, UKIP, you joke, jerk)

  69. 69
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    I don’t get your logic that the UK leaving the EU will help Europe very much seeing as the UK pays charity at a rate of £5 million a day to it. But evidently you and the other Liblabcons feel that Europeans are far more deserving of our money than our British children, sick and old people.

  70. 70
    East India Company Wallah says:

    Ramadan makes you touchy then!

  71. 71
    BBC 'Producer' says:

    *claps hands*

  72. 72
    Mornington Crescent says:

    I doubt if the great unwashed trash have noticed, Chucky.

  73. 73
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Oh and you can add another 50 million to that 5 million.

  74. 74
    Jess T Fort says:

    Is that Andy “Mengele” Burnham-After-Gassingham?

  75. 75
    Jesus is real says:

    The thing is.
    why there is despondency is because there are no frontiers to conquer. Of course there is SPACE but I can’t afford to go there and I would most likely die in the attempt.
    But.. for the Africans and the Islamics UK represents unexplored territory. Our culture is a foreign country, full of excitement and promise.

  76. 76
    Raving Loon says:

    And Muslim countries are free and wonderful I suppose?

  77. 77
    BBC Science and Enviornment says:

    Nasutoceratops Abottus: ‘Big-nose, horn-face’ dinosaur described.

  78. 78
    Why not go up to Gareth Thomas and say that to his face, you homphobic twat says:

    Now I know your not a real 6 year old, you little tease!!
    A real 6 year old has a higher IQ than that.

  79. 79
    screwtape013 says:

    In the event that Guido’s beloved Tories have a live handgrenade ready to be lobbed in PMQs, why smother that in the news with a mere reshuffle.

  80. 80
    East India Company Wallah says:

    And the family lived happily ever after looking forward each year to romping off to the tory conference in a nearby islamic city

  81. 81
    Ah! Monika says:

    (conveniently for Labour)

    Kate chooses Labour over Caesarian

  82. 82
    Pliny the Welder says:

    If it was a Tory council, Chukkup would be saying that it was the Tories fault, and the burst main was shooting too far and too fast

  83. 83
    Fact says:

    Not so sure about the whole world, but the upside is we get to run our country again for the benefit of British citizens and not the trash of the world, who want to come here and sponge a new life.

  84. 84
  85. 85
    Dave's FavBedtime story for Little Boys says:

    And one daddy got to be a SPAD to Dave, and the other became a BBC producer, so they had to employ Tarquin to console the sprogs while they were at “work”, and they all lived happily ever after.

  86. 86
    Jesus is real says:

    is just god pissing about for a few million years

  87. 87
    Labour is a criminal party says:

    Chuka is on Daily Politics now defending Labour on the NHS. I wish I could reach through the TV and choke the c-unt to death.

  88. 88
    Labour is a criminal party says:

    I’ve noticed in the past that whenever embarrassing facts about the last Labour government are mentioned at PMQs, the women Labour MPs always scream and shriek like loons. I think it’s safe to say they’ll be in overdrive this afternoon when the NHS is mentioned. Labour avoid responsibility for their atrocities and one of the ways they avoid it is to try and drown out Cameron with a chorus of demented bellowing and shrieking, predominantly from female Labour MPs who are also all repulsively overweight.

  89. 89
    Hot body says:

    IT is a cunning Labour plot to wash away all the trash in that constituency!

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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