July 1st, 2013

Naff “Global Race” Here To Stay
It Will Be Tory Party Conference Theme

It took the Prime Minister less than ten seconds to get the buzz words “global race” into his press conference at the end of the EU summit this week. Every Tory popping up on TV over the weekend dropped it into conversation and you can expect to hear it a lot more. As Guido revealed in yesterday’s Sun column, the naff phrase will be the theme of this year’s Conservative Party Conference. Ministers have been asked to come up with policies to be unveiled in Manchester that reflect this focus grouped message. While this is easy for the likes of Business and the Foreign Office, more domestic departments have been left baffled.

So what Global Race is the UK winning?

We are doing pretty well in the “Biggest Deficit in Europe” Category: We are in third there, just behind Greece and Ireland.

In the “Slowest Growth Rate in the G20″, the UK is also nearly in the lead, just behind Japan and Italy.

We are winning gold in the “Slowest growth in the English-speaking world” category!

Image via @GeneralBoles

68 Comments

  1. 1
    C.O.Jones says:

    Would that fall into this category.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weasel_word

    Like

    • 15
      Bread & Circuseseseses'es says:

      Open insult to Cameron…

      Fuck off you spinmeister twat

      Like

      • 17
        Arse fuck for freedom says:

        More like a “Global Race to the BOTTOM” (geddit?)

        Like

        • 28
          JadedJean says:

          What you have to take into account when you hear these inane comments from the liblabcon mouth pieces is that their very policies of importing immigrants from mainly third world countries is that we are importing a dysgenic and economic time bomb that will continue to drag the UK down the conomic league tables. Average IQ values from which the migrants are coming from are way below average European IQ values. It is also well known from research that lower intelligence is STRONGLY correlated to higher TFR’s (higher rates of breeding). It’s all to do with the relationship between intelligence and the will to withstand instant gratification btw (an analogy is that more intelligent people are less inclined to get into debt for example). It’s a behavioural thing. GDP is strongly correlated to average population IQ.

          I’m afraid this will all end in tears for the nation state.

          Like

          • Gideon says:

            that all sounds a bit Bell Curve…

            this country is fucked, i’ll give you that though.

            Like

          • JadedJean says:

            Yes, it is all about Hernnstein and Murray’s famous book called “The Bell Curve”…and look at how those two renowned scientists were treated after its publication by the foaming-at-the-mouth neo-lib (i.e. libertarians) just for publishing science fact.

            Look up the US’s ETS organisation’s video on his very subject. The US will go the same way as the UK.

            Like

          • Living in 97.2% white Merseyside says:

            And yet surveys always show that pupils of Indian and Chinese origin out perform other groups in education.

            Like

          • Gideon says:

            Jean the bell curve is a crock and you are pushing racist shite.

            do one

            Like

      • 66
        Budgie says:

        So is Cameron the village global racist?

        Like

    • 38
      Parker says:

      What does Naff mean? I know what the Nafi is but no idea about Naff.

      I’ve heard it mentioned several times and assume it is either very good or very bad so it would be nice to clear that one up.

      Thanks

      Like

      • 45
        World wide Words says:

        Something that’s naff in Britain (and also in Australia) is inferior and lacks taste or style.
        Many attempts have been made to explain the origin, which are made more difficult by there being not only an adjective but also a verb, which usually appears as the impolite instruction to naff off!, an obvious euphemism for fuck off!

        The adjective featured in a famous BBC radio comedy series of the 1960s, Round the Horne, written by Barry Took and Marty Feldman. A regular sketch featured a couple of gay men named Julian and Sandy, who frequently used naff as a term of abuse: “I couldn’t be doing with a garden like this… I mean all them horrible little naff gnomes.” Round the Horne certainly brought the word into the wider British vocabulary. It became famous later when Princess Anne was reported to have told photographers to naff off when they snapped her coming off her horse and taking a ducking at the Badminton Horse Trials (though a reporter who was there told me some years ago during a radio broadcast that this was a euphemism by journalists reporting the incident and that Anne actually used the F-word.)

        http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-naf1.htm

        Like

      • 50
        The definition of naff says:

        Mumford and sons

        Like

  2. 2
    Frank Carson says:

    In an automotive first, a backwards car is due to be unveiled at the 2013 Frankfurt Motor Show.

    The Islamborghini.

    Like

    • 11
      Anti-Libertarian says:

      Do you relaise that you and your “jokes” are just showing you up for the useful idiot that you are?

      Don’t hate the immigrants. Send them home. But don’t hate them.

      Save your hate for those who encourgaged them to come here. And breed. In order to deliberately fragment and ghettoise the nation.

      Like

  3. 3
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    I’m sure there is money to be made bumming other men

    Like

    • 18
      Anthony Blanche says:

      There always has been my dear!
      Juicy Dave is really too hot! And as for Willy Hague well what can one say? The way he tortures vowels gives one a hint of the delights to be had from his mouth! I’d marry him tomorrow the naughty boy.

      Like

      • 33
        US Supreme Court says:

        “I’d marry him tomorrow the naughty boy.”
        And now, in certain states you can, and the Feds won’t mind anymore, Ducky, not after we’ve struck down the Defense of Marriage Act.
        Tell that Dave character to get with it and get that whole gay marriage deal passed, so you can, too!

        Like

      • 59
        Big Bad Boris says:

        Not sure that Dave is that hot – and the tubby cvnt bears no resemblance to the picture above.

        Like

  4. 4
    Frank Carson says:

    I thought prison conditions in Britain were too cushy, but I’ve just been reading an article about Guantanamo Bay.

    The inmates there get all the bacon butties they can eat and booze they can drink. Some of them even get sports days, when they’re taken overseas to go ‘water boarding’. Lucky bastards.

    Like

  5. 5
    Frank Carson says:

    It’s really funny when you meet someone who has the same name as a famous fictional character who did the same work as them, like a real Postman Pat or a real Bob the Builder.

    Well by living in Rochdale, I’ve met plenty of paedophiles called M*hammed.

    Like

  6. 6
    Frank Carson says:

    It’s really funny when you meet someone who has the same name as a famous fictional character who did the same work as them, like a real Postman Pat or a real Bob the Builder.

    Well by living in Rochdale, I’ve met plenty of *aedophiles called M*hammed.

    Like

  7. 7
    Anti-Libertarian says:

    Global race my fecking a*rse!

    This is just coded speil for high finance and corporations to profit from labour arbitrage, playing off wages in the West against cheap labour in Asia. As Marie Le Pen stated about this con trick…”It is the law of the jungle”.

    Like

  8. 8
    Ed Balls says:

    Running over a pensioner was an existential experience.

    Like

  9. 9
    BREAKING NEWS says:

    BBC says it paid £25m in severance payments to 150 senior managers in the three years to December 2012

    Like

  10. 12
    misself himself says:

    its the ARMS RACE stoopid – part of boris’s london paralytics

    Like

  11. 13
    F.Nietzsche says:

    Man is something to be surpassed, no that doesn’t mean ignoring the traffic regs Mr Balls

    Like

  12. 14
    Gawd Help Us says:

    Will this be the global race to the bottom they’re turning the country into?

    Like

    • 19
      Cwispy Bwyant, Dan Kwczchzchzcjhjchjxhzczhzski and a load of other brown-hatters says:

      Race to the bottom?

      Mmmmmmmmm….

      Like

  13. 20
    Xi Jinping says:

    Surely its Grobal?

    Like

  14. 21
    Matilda says:

    Is this global race the one featuring:
    …. white v black v yellow etc?
    …. or rich v poor?
    …. or left v right?
    …. or east v west?
    …. or north v south?

    We need a few more details before submitting an entry form.

    Like

  15. 22
    gramma says:

    Maybe not quite Chariots of Fire Guido but at least give Dave and Co the kudos for attempting the Reliant Robin of Smouldering Ashes.

    Wev’e all seen a lot of robbin in government these last few weeks

    Like

  16. 23
    Grope Lane says:

    Global race to have the highest paid MPs?

    Like

  17. 27
    Anthony Blanche says:

    Dog days my dears and they all know it. You can rage and have your online fantasy but power and wealth is moving away from ‘Britain’ your elite know it and will do what they’ve always done and follow the money. Your middle class will be the ones to lose most and be forever embittered. Your ‘working class’ will only notice once their free money does not turn up. Still there you have moved up the in the race for most gay sex in a single legislature! My recent visit as a guest of one of you MPs left even me shocked at being propositioned by a tipsy young man in one of the bars! What delight you British can be.

    Like

  18. 29
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron would have been at Eton when it was used for the filming of Chariots of Fire – is that a real picture or just an expert piece of photoshopping?

    Like

  19. 30
    Steve Miliband says:

    Are the BBC back from Glastonbury yet?

    Like

    • 34
      cotedebeaune says:

      Dont’ be daft, they get 2 days off in lieu to recover.

      Where’s Twatson this morning by the way…over to I Spy an MP???

      Like

    • 36
      BBC red bottom says:

      Not yet dude.
      There’s so many of us here we have got our own conference tent. We’re doing the autumn schedules.

      Like

    • 46
      Anonymous says:

      There’s only room on the bus for Tom Watson.

      Like

  20. 37
    Dave the Eaten Faggot says:

    We’re in the front runners in the Gay Marriage Global Race.

    Like

    • 41
      Francois Hollande says:

      But for long, eh? When I realised just ‘ow unpopular zis gay marriage idea was, I leapt at the chance.
      If I drop just two more poll points i shall be less popular than Gillard.

      Like

  21. 39
    Moshe says:

    It’s an homage to the hebe’s.

    Like

  22. 40
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Ecclesiastes 9:11, “I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”

    “The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet.” — Damon Runyon, “More Than Somewhat”

    Damon Runyon, the original 9-11 truther?

    Like

  23. 43
    Egg Miliband says:

    I pledge to make this nation a world leader at egg and spoon.

    Like

  24. 44
    Living in 97.2% white Merseyside says:

    Where are we in the benefits race?

    Like

  25. 47
    Insurance Scam more like. says:

    Smethwick blaze caused by Chinese lantern ‘could burn for days’

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/10151959/Smethwick-blaze-caused-by-Chinese-lantern-could-burn-for-days.html

    Like

  26. 49
    No such thing as society says:

    Unfortunately the race his entered into is the egg and spoon race for retards.

    Like

  27. 51
    HenryV says:

    That Frenchie Le Pen woman has more balls than Call Me Dave. Socialism, red or blue, is dead the people have seen it for what it is a self-serving philosophically empty creed. Lie to the little people while we make money; do as we say not as we do. If you look at the true political movers in the West, the new wave, they are all right wing. We need a leader who puts Britain first. We can work with our European neighbours and the US without having to be subordinate. Good fences mean good neighbours. Better to advance in one direction than try to placate all.

    Like

  28. 53
    b-b-p says:

    BROKEN BRITISH POLITICS – CAMERONS BS IS EVEN ENOUGH FOR TORIES.
    David Cameron’s fury as top Tories plot UKIP pact which could make leader Nigel Farage a minister
    The rogue Westminster summit met on 24th June to discuss how the two parties might form a coalition government .The House of Commons meeting with Mr Farage’s party on June 24 was organised by Tory think tank the Bow Group, whose president is former Tory PM Sir John Major, and Conservative Grassroots, representing local parties.

    http://brokenbritishpolitics.simplesite.com

    Like

  29. 55
    A swivel-eyed loon says:

    A race to eliminate Swan’s incandescent masterpiece?

    Like

  30. 56
    Andrew Efiong says:

    From the perspective of international business I can see how the UK needs to be more competitive. But the average voter doesn’t grasp the concept, even if it affects their wages and living standards.

    If anything it’s going to scare people worrying their losing out to the Chinese.

    Like

    • 68
      Anonymous says:

      How the fuck are we supposed to compete with the Chinese and Indians when THEY don’t have:

      • Elf ‘n’ safety
      • Unions
      • Social care
      • Minimum wages
      • Benefits

      Like

  31. 57
    Anonymous says:

    There has been a global race on for a few years.

    Imagine a rabid dog chasing a group of people. Everyone is screaming and trying to out run the dog.

    The intelligent ones save themselves and just hold themselves in front of the flailing crowd so that they are clearly protected by the back markers.

    As each back marker is savaged by the dog the clever ones just move up one place expending just enough to hold their position.

    Finally the dog has enough to work with, and the leaders can relax further.

    The race is not to win, it is a global race not to lose.

    As long as everyone prints money and cooks the books equally the race is on. A little deception, or a false statistic, will just maintain our position in the crowd. Keeping the deception going the longest, and elbowing out a few competitors with targeted attacks on their economy, just maintains the slight advantage we need.

    There is no end to this race it just gets slower. But is it something that a real leader highlights?

    Like

  32. 58
    A nincumpoop says:

    “The BBC paid out £25m in severance payments to senior BBC managers in the three years to December 2012, according to a National Audit Office report.

    “The BBC said the savings it had made during that time from senior manager redundancies exceeded the cost of severance payments.

    “The BBC’s director general Tony Hall said: “These payments were from another era and we are putting a stop to them”.”

    Putting a stop to saving money. What’s the BBC coming to?

    Like

  33. 60
    millionaire authoritarian Kinnochio says:

    when will the Tories choose a Conservative to lead them?

    Like

  34. 61
    Anonymous says:

    Perhaps we lead the world in letting primitive jurisdictions, including the American Lack of Justice System, extradite our nationals whenever they happen to feel like it.

    Must make the Home Office proud.

    Like

  35. 62
    Entrepreneur says:

    I don’t know

    Like

  36. 63
    Diomalco says:

    Wish politicos would spare us the infantilism

    Like

  37. 64

    It’s noble to go global! Global lobbying and global orientation mentality. Have a Globalcoke and a Globalburger now on sale in the Global village market place!

    Like

  38. 65
    Anonymous says:

    The GLOBAL RACE is what ? – population growth, laying tarmac at the fastest pace, building houses in a record time – just so we can say we do it faster than another country – nice phrase

    Like


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Ralph Miliband on the English…

“The Englishman is a rabid nationalist. They are perhaps the most nationalist people in the world.”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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