June 26th, 2013

Colonel Bob Saved From Wife’s Fury

Good news:

SpeakOutBobStewart2webOn 25 Jun 2013, at 18:50, “STEWART, Bob” <bob.stewart.mp@parliament.uk> wrote:

I am extremely grateful to all colleagues who assisted in the re-capture of my ‘Absent without Leave’ Mont Blanc pen.  The fugitive was recaptured by an honourable and gallant lady who personally took him in custody and thereafter returned it, in close arrest, to my person.  In recognition of her actions I have recommended Sub Lieutenant Penny Mordaunt RNR for my first ever Parliamentary Mention in Despatches.  Thanks to her thoughtful and immediate actions I do not have to own up to my Home Station Commander that I was negligent – thus avoiding serious restrictions of privileges.

Thanks Colleagues.  All is well and I live to write another day.

Bob Stewart  

Guido reckons the publicity that this site gave the great matter of state would surely be worthy of a prize too? Nigel Evans also wondered something in the middle of the night, CC’ing all MPs:

From: EVANS, Nigel 
Sent: 26 June 2013 00:21
Cc: All


Bob… U r now in charge of me…. I rest my case


Sent from my iPhone

No, Guido cannot work out what he is on about either…


  1. 1
    Lord Stansted says:

    Why can’t he just write simple English without this military crap. He’s not in the Army now.

  2. 2
    The office of Sarah and Gordon Brown says:

    Mr Rudd will lead the country for a second time, with months to go until a general election, after winning the Labor Party ballot by 57 votes to 45.
    The ousted Ms Gillard, had pledged to leave politics if she lost the vote.

    Well..we all say that. but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

  3. 3
    Mr Bone says:

    Mrs Bone is happy about that

  4. 4
    Steve Miliband says:

    Saved from a LIB – lecture in bed

  5. 5
    The Boss says:

    Where did ‘Penny Mordaunt’ find it,under a pillow,the blankets or even a bed
    or had the Mont Blanc pen wandered further afield.

  6. 6
  7. 7
    Curioser and curioser says:


    Did Plod find it in Nigel’s office?

  8. 8
    Gyno's don't work weekends says:

    Apparently it had dropped into a crack.

  9. 9
    Tony Abbott says:

    makes him look like a total cock doesn’t it

    almost as much as when i wore budgie smugglers

  10. 10
    Dan Hodges says:

    All these people should be obliged to join

    The National Union of Willy Wavers

    The ranks are filling up…

  11. 11
    Politicians are scum says:

    Nigel evans found it in his boyfriends crack

  12. 12
    A dedicated follower of fashion says:

  13. 13
    Reuters Cramp says:

    Is there any truth to the rumour that Nigel Farage has recently said in private, that if UKIP keeps improving their popularity ratings, culminating in him becoming Prime Minister, he intends to appoint Jimmy Carr as his Treasury Minister. Not only does he say they speak with one voice on taxation and off shore avoidance schemes, Jimmy will also work for nothing out of the public purse, as he has arranged to be sponsored by Vodafone, Google, Amazon and Starbucks for the duration of his portfolio?

  14. 14
    Typical Rupert says:

    Nothing worse than losing your Mont Blanc pen.

  15. 15
    Ah! Monika reformed says:

    Mine never leaves home.
    Broad minded, broad nib, black ink.

  16. 16
    The voice of reason says:


  17. 17
    Paxman gets well paid out of other peoples tax man. says:

    Avoiding paying tax on six figure sums or hoovering up six figure sums of tax in the form of wages working at the BBC.
    Which is more immoral?

  18. 18
    Dr Evil says:

    Still under the influence perhaps?

  19. 19
  20. 20
    Every other c'unt at the BBC who is avoiding tax legally says:


  21. 21
    The office of Sarah and Gordon Brown says:

    I wonder what idiot was at the Treasury for 10 years when all of these ridiculous tax avoidance schemes were sanctioned.

    I bet it was the same moron who sacked tax collectors as being a ‘waste of money’ and then sold off the actual Whitehall Treasury buildings in a lunatic PFI scheme to an off shore, tax efficient, brass plate vehicle .

    I bet whoever it was is embarrassed about it all now.

  22. 22
    Drum says:

    It’s called a sense of humour. Try it sometime.

  23. 23
    Reuters Cramp says:

    Breaking news – bar has been lowered by UKIP supporters for openness and honesty, but only for Wing Commander Farage.

  24. 24
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    Nobody at the BBC does any work. They’re employees, not workers. Sorry if this seems like splitting hairs, but seeing BBC people described as ‘workers’ grates.

  25. 25
    Owen Jones(Leader Of The Opposition) says:

    Scotland Yard is embroiled in a new corruption crisis after it emerged that senior officers allegedly knew for years that criminal private investigators had compromised its highly sensitive witness protection programme – and allegedly did nothing about it.

    Days after the Metropolitan Police was rocked by incendiary claims that officers took part in a smear campaign against the family of the murdered black teenager Stephen Lawrence, The Independent can disclose that private investigators (PIs) were employed by organised crime gangs to try to intimidate witnesses who had agreed to give evidence in high-profile trials.

    Scotland Yard uncovered the shocking intelligence up to 15 years ago but, incredibly, did next to nothing to stop the private detectives, who also worked for the News Of The World. A registered police informant codenamed “Michael Green”, who spent years undercover working with a corrupt firm of PIs, warned his handlers at the Met that his colleagues were trying to locate “supergrasses” under police protection and “actively worked on them to withdraw their damaging allegations”.

    But, for reasons yet to become clear, the Met failed to charge or even arrest the investigators for intimidating key witnesses. One of the supergrasses who was approached while under police protection later withdrew all of his original testimony, resulting in the collapse of a major criminal trial.

    The news comes days after a former Met officer, Peter Francis, claimed he was asked find “dirt” and spy on Stephen Lawrence’s relatives in a bid to undermine the campaign to bring his killers to justice. Details of Scotland Yard’s witness-protection programme being compromised were included in a Serious Organised Crime Agency (Soca) report which was suppressed by the agency but leaked to The Independent.

  26. 26

    C’mon Guido!

    It does not take much to solve.

    The pen is mightier than the [pork] sword.

  27. 27
    La Belle Francoise says:

    Fair cop guv?

    Nope, no such thing.

  28. 28
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I hope you are not intimating that I should belong to this club. Boaz.

  29. 29
    Village Idiot says:

    …Dip it in some jeyes fluid,just in case!!!

  30. 30
    John Bellingham says:

    Penny Morduant is the type of person who could make MPs straighten up.

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Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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