June 24th, 2013

Bald Boris: Mayor of London Losing Locks

As Guido’s Sun column revealed yesterday, the mop-topped Mayor of London is going bald. Brand Boris is reliant on his giant blond bouffant, yet his appearance on last week’s Question Time revealed a growing bald patch at the back and a deliberate effort to comb his locks forward. It was all a bit Donald Trump:

The age old rule in British politics is that bald men in the television age do not beat rivals with a full head of hair. Think Tony Blair versus William Hague, Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Howard, nor can we forget Maggie versus Kinnock, in every election the slap-head loses. Could Boris be a modern day version of Samson? Better get shift that leadership campaign up a gear…



  1. 1
    That's what happens when you father lots of kids says:


  2. 2
    Liar.Politicians says:

    Must be from all that licking he gets from Cameron.


    • 17
      Sir William Waad says:

      Too many collisions with too many bedheads?


    • 90
      Kendo Nagaski says:

      That’s because he get’s a cut called a “cornetto” from his barber.
      Seriously, no one noticed the comb over kid was going bald?


  3. 3
    Ah! Monika reformed says:

    He should get a Wayne Rooney Quick


  4. 4
    Liz Hurley says:

    He needs to have a word with Shane Warne.


    • 35
      Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

      Next you’ll be telling me he’s pulled an uber hotty bit of milf…


  5. 5
    ground breaking journalism says:

    hold the pulitzer guys


    • 20
      Owen Jones says:

      My prose is dubious but:

      ‘Better get shift that leadership campaign up a gear…’

      Did some of Boris’ hair get stuck in the keyboard, or is the hair-balled phrasing a very permed irony ?


  6. 6
    Steve Miliband says:

    Rub sardine oil into the scalp


  7. 7
    La Belle Francoise says:

    Hair today – gone tomorrow. When is the next election due?


  8. 8
    Tom says:

    Who cares?


  9. 9
    Righteous Pratt says:

    He should get the full tonsure and go after the religious vote.


    • 12
      Ah! Monika reformed says:

      Have you been inside a church lately?


    • 15
      Ah! Monika reformed says:

      He’s got a halo though, so maybe.


      • 29
        Melvin Bragg says:

        There’s only one true saint on the South Bank.


      • 36
        Point of Information says:

        From that: Boris:

        i) Orange Juice applied twice a day. Juice from an Orange, not Kia-Ora.
        – Results within two weeks.

        ii) Ground red pepper: Apply similar way to Orange Juice. Meant to stimulate blood flow. Blood flow is good for hair growth.

        iii) Vitamin E Supplements.

        vi) Ch!nese Herbs: As yet unknown which, but a trip to Leicester Square pharmacist may be worth while. The Ch!nese approach should cleanse the liver and promote blood flow.


        • 45
          Point of Information says:

          Red Pepper would mean Paprika.

          If anyone wants to give Boris a Cayenne makeover though, please ensure you have video camera and appropriate Yakety Sax to dub onto the ensuing footage.

          Also: Boris: Sunny D is not Orange Juice.


        • 78
          Joss Taskin says:

          Are you bald?


        • 104
          Bojo's mum says:

          But he’s only got an ingrowing toenail….


  10. 11

    I really had thought he was the hair apparent.


  11. 13
    Ed Balls says:

    The reason I blink so much is I have an ingrowing eyelash coming out of my bottom.


    • 95
      plants do maths. says:

      no matter how much one blinks the reality remains the same.
      better to just bandage the eyes and watch delicious movies.


  12. 16
    • 28
      i don't n eed no doctor says:

      Will he bugger Berger?


      • 99
        Borris says:

        Steady on — there’s a few back doors I would consider, but I’m not going follow chukkalugs rear entry route.


    • 37
      Luciana Borgia says:

      The spotty four-eyed scouse git should never have called me big nose.


    • 111
      JH349324890234023 says:

      Hint to the lad – next time you meet Berger, make sure you are a ‘rising star’ (a very relative term) in the Labour party.

      That conk will be bobbing in and out of your pubes in no time.


  13. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Sow the patch with an appropriate seed mix, sprinkling half the seeds in one direction and the rest in the other. Lightly rake over the seed and protect it against birds with netting


  14. 19
    Sir Wiiliam Waad says:

    If Miliwatt has really taken against oily, fishy creatures, it’s a poor look-out for Keith Vaz.


    • 33
      Peter Hain says:

      Don’t forget me.


      • 72
        Anonymous says:

        I see you more as a supermarket fish stick, orange on the outside and fake all through.


    • 97
      plants do maths. says:

      if there is a worthwhile issue then it is the judges who look reasonable.
      The Rt. Hon. Sir John Chilcot, GCB, PC is a Privy Counsellor and former civil servant.
      neither he is right or honourable.
      Sir means head. So he sat on our head and was given the benefit of the doubt.
      The issue is Privy Counsellors. They cannot be trusted. But then if so, no one in public life can be trusted.


  15. 21
    David Cameron's Hairy Hoover says:

    Haaaaaaaiiiiiirrrrrrrrryyyyy, Hoooooooooooovvvvverrrrrrrrrr,
    Hairy Hoover, Hairy Hoover, Hairy Hoover,
    Gonna get ya mother fucker with that fibrous suck.

    Haaaaaaaiiiiiirrrrrrrrryyyyy, Hoooooooooooovvvvverrrrrrrrrr….


  16. 22
    a non says:

    If having hair was a pre, wouldn’t Hairy Coal be lord and master of the universe?


  17. 24
    Living in 97.2% white Merseyside says:

    Here we go again! Boris, Boris, Boris – please change the record.

    Pretty please.


  18. 25
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Guido has become petty. If that is what writing for the sun does for you then pack it in.


    • 41
      Guido's unpaid intern says:

      Mr Guido is on a booze cruise to speak to those governing Britain

      I am just holding the fort


    • 109
      Old Blind Pugh says:

      Does you mean pack in writing for the Sun or give up his blog, Geedo probably has his base in Murdoch Towers, Wapping, eagerly awaiting his next assignment from the dirty digger.


  19. 27
    Penfold says:

    He can always borrow Michael Fabricant’s syrup…..


  20. 34
    Historian says:

    Boris should remeber what the great Senator Taft said when another Senator patted his bald patch

    It is as smoothe as your wife’s ass..


    • 49
      Benny Hill says:

      I liked that line so much, I even used it with Little Jacky Wright.
      (To be fair, no-one ever accused me of being original.)


  21. 39
    Coot Watch says:

    What about Dave’s bald patch?


  22. 40
    BBC Political Pundit, not Nick Robinson says:

    If Boris has been applying orange juice to his scalp to unsuccessfully treat his condition, could this explain why he has been so pithy of late ?


  23. 42
    Sir Winston Churchill says:

    A Bald pate never did me any harm.


    • 50
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

      But you were running against Attlee another slaphead.


  24. 46
    Boris' hairdresser says:

    Boris keeps singing this in my shop


  25. 47
    Bald Eagle says:

    There is Pied, there is Bald and then there is Boris.


  26. 51
    Owen"Austerity" Jones says:

    FTSE 100 6032.57
    -83.60 -1.37%

    This is indeed “Black Monday”

    Good job that The Peoples Assembly offloaded their shareholdings last week.

    Vive La Revolution.


    • 53
      Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

      I’d have thought you lefties would welcome the end of the yield based valuation stock market and the new central banker run stock hovering (based on monopoly money production).


      • 58
        Economist says:

        If this is the start of ‘Bond-apocalypse’ then even the lefties shouldn’t be too keen on that.

        They need to fund themselves somehow, and the tax payer simply doesn’t have enough cash, as Labour proved 1997-2010.


    • 57
      Nigel Farage says:

      Fancy another magnum of Bollinger champagne Owen,you closet champagne socialist you.

      Go on,you know you want to .


    • 59
      Tanganyika Groundnut Scheme sponsored by Attlee Government that Miliband forgot to mention..... says:

      Reacting to the mixed messages coming out of Labour Leadership on the economy I imagine….Miliband says that there will be more austerity and cuts in public spending if Labour are elected whilst Balls tells us that if elected as Chancellor he will “Spend ” Spend ! Spend ! and “Borrow ! Borrow ! Borrow !”…now I know WHICH Ed I would believe to be telling the truth


    • 60
      Lord Swervin' Mervin, retired King says:

      Trust Bennie Bernabke to make the markets collapse

      For only the third time

      Such a consistent fellow


      • 69
        Economist says:

        Gordon didn’t lie when he said it was the end of Boom and Bust.

        We have now entered the new economic cycle of: Stick and Bust.


      • 84
        Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

        He already destroyed yields…

        It’s like cutting off the wings off a plane to reduce drag…


    • 62
      Brillo from Monte Carlo says:

      It all started in China


  27. 61
    Bed time for Bonzo says:

    …..ageing man starts to go bald…….so glad I didn’t pay the 60p for that exclusive!


  28. 63
    Anonymo says:

    Boris is going to turn into the next Donald Trump with the comb-over if he’s losing hair like that.


    • 71
      Dave should resign now says:

      He may yet come to understand why Trump objected to the windmills plonked at the end of the golf course.

      The extra breeze they cause can not only affect your putting, but is also a devil for your wig.

      Boris may now see the wisdom of conventional and nuclear energy, and how bad windmills can be for your hair.


  29. 64
    Ben says:

    Bad heir day


  30. 66

    Borrers could change to Friar Tuck …or something similar!!


  31. 67
    Jacob says:

    My brother Esau is an hairy man, but I am a smoooooooth man.


  32. 70
    A reporter on the Snowden story says:

    Where am I? Why is everyone speaking Portuguese or something?


  33. 73
    BoJo's 'No Ammonia' Leadership Campaign says:

    Vote Boris, because he’s worth it.


  34. 74
    Owen Jones (Guest Moderator) says:

    Stop deportation of Trenton Oldfield. http://www.change.org/en-

    GB/petitions/theresa-may-home-office-stop-the-deportation-of-trenton-oldfield …


  35. 76

    He looks like The Saint. If the Saint hadn’t a haircut in a couple of months.

    And he has a red Halo.
    Very apt.


  36. 81
    Potential UKIPer. says:


    Come on Guido, get this guy booted out of UKIP:

    Cllr Brian Silvester has ‘defected’ to UKIP:


    Actually, he was booted from the Tories in Nov 2012 following a conviction for fire bsafety breaches in a property he owns:


    WHT are UKIP playing at here?

    Get Nige to comment.


  37. 89
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    What a coincidence… we find out that Leveson did in fact know that 80% of phone and computer hacking was not done by tabloid journalists, and the Guardian puts out another Stephen Lawrence story. They must be really worried that Hacked Off is haemorrhaging the last little bit of credibility it’s got.


  38. 92
    Ding Dong says:

    “Better get shift that leadership campaign up a gear…”. Nice grammar.


  39. 98
    Just A Thought says:

    Donald Trump…

    Now you come to think, Boris has a look of Donald (the combover) Trump. Once it has been combed forward and stuck down with tape or glue perhaps he might leave his hair alone??


  40. 101
    A Human Being says:

    Who cares? Boris is a busted flush. He’s been on the way down ever since the Olympics.


  41. 106
    Anonymous says:



  42. 112
    Mop Top Tot spotter says:

    … but in compensation we hear that there are limitless mop top tots toddling around England and even a few in Scotland …


  43. 114
    Baldy says:

    FFS. If you’re going bald, you’re going bald!. What’s the fucking problem?.


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