June 24th, 2013

Bald Boris: Mayor of London Losing Locks

As Guido’s Sun column revealed yesterday, the mop-topped Mayor of London is going bald. Brand Boris is reliant on his giant blond bouffant, yet his appearance on last week’s Question Time revealed a growing bald patch at the back and a deliberate effort to comb his locks forward. It was all a bit Donald Trump:

The age old rule in British politics is that bald men in the television age do not beat rivals with a full head of hair. Think Tony Blair versus William Hague, Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Howard, nor can we forget Maggie versus Kinnock, in every election the slap-head loses. Could Boris be a modern day version of Samson? Better get shift that leadership campaign up a gear…

 


115 Comments

  1. 1
    That's what happens when you father lots of kids says:

    Like

  2. 2
    Liar.Politicians says:

    Must be from all that licking he gets from Cameron.

    Like

    • 17
      Sir William Waad says:

      Too many collisions with too many bedheads?

      Like

    • 90
      Kendo Nagaski says:

      That’s because he get’s a cut called a “cornetto” from his barber.
      Seriously, no one noticed the comb over kid was going bald?

      Like

  3. 3
    Ah! Monika reformed says:

    He should get a Wayne Rooney Quick

    Like

  4. 4
    Liz Hurley says:

    He needs to have a word with Shane Warne.

    Like

    • 35
      Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

      Next you’ll be telling me he’s pulled an uber hotty bit of milf…

      Like

  5. 5
    ground breaking journalism says:

    hold the pulitzer guys

    Like

    • 20
      Owen Jones says:

      My prose is dubious but:

      ‘Better get shift that leadership campaign up a gear…’

      Did some of Boris’ hair get stuck in the keyboard, or is the hair-balled phrasing a very permed irony ?

      Like

  6. 6
    Steve Miliband says:

    Rub sardine oil into the scalp

    Like

  7. 7
    La Belle Francoise says:

    Hair today – gone tomorrow. When is the next election due?

    Like

  8. 8
    Tom says:

    Who cares?

    Like

  9. 9
    Righteous Pratt says:

    He should get the full tonsure and go after the religious vote.

    Like

    • 12
      Ah! Monika reformed says:

      Have you been inside a church lately?

      Like

    • 15
      Ah! Monika reformed says:

      He’s got a halo though, so maybe.

      Like

      • 29
        Melvin Bragg says:

        There’s only one true saint on the South Bank.

        Like

      • 36
        Point of Information says:

        From that: Boris:

        i) Orange Juice applied twice a day. Juice from an Orange, not Kia-Ora.
        – Results within two weeks.

        ii) Ground red pepper: Apply similar way to Orange Juice. Meant to stimulate blood flow. Blood flow is good for hair growth.

        iii) Vitamin E Supplements.

        vi) Ch!nese Herbs: As yet unknown which, but a trip to Leicester Square pharmacist may be worth while. The Ch!nese approach should cleanse the liver and promote blood flow.

        Like

        • 45
          Point of Information says:

          Red Pepper would mean Paprika.

          If anyone wants to give Boris a Cayenne makeover though, please ensure you have video camera and appropriate Yakety Sax to dub onto the ensuing footage.

          Also: Boris: Sunny D is not Orange Juice.

          Like

        • 78
          Joss Taskin says:

          Are you bald?

          Like

        • 104
          Bojo's mum says:

          But he’s only got an ingrowing toenail….

          Like

  10. 11

    I really had thought he was the hair apparent.

    Like

  11. 13
    Ed Balls says:

    The reason I blink so much is I have an ingrowing eyelash coming out of my bottom.

    Like

    • 95
      plants do maths. says:

      .
      .
      no matter how much one blinks the reality remains the same.
      better to just bandage the eyes and watch delicious movies.

      Like

  12. 16
    • 28
      i don't n eed no doctor says:

      Will he bugger Berger?

      Like

      • 99
        Borris says:

        Steady on — there’s a few back doors I would consider, but I’m not going follow chukkalugs rear entry route.

        Like

    • 37
      Luciana Borgia says:

      The spotty four-eyed scouse git should never have called me big nose.

      Like

    • 111
      JH349324890234023 says:

      Hint to the lad – next time you meet Berger, make sure you are a ‘rising star’ (a very relative term) in the Labour party.

      That conk will be bobbing in and out of your pubes in no time.

      Like

  13. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Sow the patch with an appropriate seed mix, sprinkling half the seeds in one direction and the rest in the other. Lightly rake over the seed and protect it against birds with netting

    Like

  14. 19
    Sir Wiiliam Waad says:

    If Miliwatt has really taken against oily, fishy creatures, it’s a poor look-out for Keith Vaz.

    Like

    • 33
      Peter Hain says:

      Don’t forget me.

      Like

      • 72
        Anonymous says:

        I see you more as a supermarket fish stick, orange on the outside and fake all through.

        Like

    • 97
      plants do maths. says:

      .
      .
      if there is a worthwhile issue then it is the judges who look reasonable.
      The Rt. Hon. Sir John Chilcot, GCB, PC is a Privy Counsellor and former civil servant.
      .
      neither he is right or honourable.
      Sir means head. So he sat on our head and was given the benefit of the doubt.
      .
      .
      The issue is Privy Counsellors. They cannot be trusted. But then if so, no one in public life can be trusted.

      Like

  15. 21
    David Cameron's Hairy Hoover says:

    Haaaaaaaiiiiiirrrrrrrrryyyyy, Hoooooooooooovvvvverrrrrrrrrr,
    Hairy Hoover, Hairy Hoover, Hairy Hoover,
    Gonna get ya mother fucker with that fibrous suck.

    Haaaaaaaiiiiiirrrrrrrrryyyyy, Hoooooooooooovvvvverrrrrrrrrr….

    Like

  16. 22
    a non says:

    If having hair was a pre, wouldn’t Hairy Coal be lord and master of the universe?

    Like

  17. 24
    Living in 97.2% white Merseyside says:

    Here we go again! Boris, Boris, Boris – please change the record.

    Pretty please.

    Like

  18. 25
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Guido has become petty. If that is what writing for the sun does for you then pack it in.

    Like

    • 41
      Guido's unpaid intern says:

      Mr Guido is on a booze cruise to speak to those governing Britain

      I am just holding the fort

      Like

    • 109
      Old Blind Pugh says:

      Does you mean pack in writing for the Sun or give up his blog, Geedo probably has his base in Murdoch Towers, Wapping, eagerly awaiting his next assignment from the dirty digger.

      Like

  19. 27
    Penfold says:

    He can always borrow Michael Fabricant’s syrup…..

    Like

  20. 34
    Historian says:

    Boris should remeber what the great Senator Taft said when another Senator patted his bald patch

    It is as smoothe as your wife’s ass..

    Like

    • 49
      Benny Hill says:

      I liked that line so much, I even used it with Little Jacky Wright.
      (To be fair, no-one ever accused me of being original.)

      Like

  21. 39
    Coot Watch says:

    What about Dave’s bald patch?

    Like

  22. 40
    BBC Political Pundit, not Nick Robinson says:

    If Boris has been applying orange juice to his scalp to unsuccessfully treat his condition, could this explain why he has been so pithy of late ?

    Like

  23. 42
    Sir Winston Churchill says:

    A Bald pate never did me any harm.

    Like

    • 50
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

      But you were running against Attlee another slaphead.

      Like

  24. 46
    Boris' hairdresser says:

    Boris keeps singing this in my shop

    Like

  25. 47
    Bald Eagle says:

    There is Pied, there is Bald and then there is Boris.

    Like

  26. 51
    Owen"Austerity" Jones says:

    FTSE 100 6032.57
    Down
    -83.60 -1.37%

    This is indeed “Black Monday”

    Good job that The Peoples Assembly offloaded their shareholdings last week.

    Vive La Revolution.

    Like

    • 53
      Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

      I’d have thought you lefties would welcome the end of the yield based valuation stock market and the new central banker run stock hovering (based on monopoly money production).

      Like

      • 58
        Economist says:

        If this is the start of ‘Bond-apocalypse’ then even the lefties shouldn’t be too keen on that.

        They need to fund themselves somehow, and the tax payer simply doesn’t have enough cash, as Labour proved 1997-2010.

        Like

    • 57
      Nigel Farage says:

      Fancy another magnum of Bollinger champagne Owen,you closet champagne socialist you.

      Go on,you know you want to .

      Like

    • 59
      Tanganyika Groundnut Scheme sponsored by Attlee Government that Miliband forgot to mention..... says:

      Reacting to the mixed messages coming out of Labour Leadership on the economy I imagine….Miliband says that there will be more austerity and cuts in public spending if Labour are elected whilst Balls tells us that if elected as Chancellor he will “Spend ” Spend ! Spend ! and “Borrow ! Borrow ! Borrow !”…now I know WHICH Ed I would believe to be telling the truth

      Like

    • 60
      Lord Swervin' Mervin, retired King says:

      Trust Bennie Bernabke to make the markets collapse

      For only the third time

      Such a consistent fellow

      Like

      • 69
        Economist says:

        Gordon didn’t lie when he said it was the end of Boom and Bust.

        We have now entered the new economic cycle of: Stick and Bust.

        Like

      • 84
        Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

        He already destroyed yields…

        It’s like cutting off the wings off a plane to reduce drag…

        Like

    • 62
      Brillo from Monte Carlo says:

      It all started in China

      Like

  27. 61
    Bed time for Bonzo says:

    …..ageing man starts to go bald…….so glad I didn’t pay the 60p for that exclusive!

    Like

  28. 63
    Anonymo says:

    Boris is going to turn into the next Donald Trump with the comb-over if he’s losing hair like that.

    Like

    • 71
      Dave should resign now says:

      He may yet come to understand why Trump objected to the windmills plonked at the end of the golf course.

      The extra breeze they cause can not only affect your putting, but is also a devil for your wig.

      Boris may now see the wisdom of conventional and nuclear energy, and how bad windmills can be for your hair.

      Like

  29. 64
    Ben says:

    Bad heir day

    Like

  30. 66

    Borrers could change to Friar Tuck …or something similar!!

    Like

  31. 67
    Jacob says:

    My brother Esau is an hairy man, but I am a smoooooooth man.

    Like

  32. 70
    A reporter on the Snowden story says:

    Where am I? Why is everyone speaking Portuguese or something?

    Like

  33. 73
    BoJo's 'No Ammonia' Leadership Campaign says:

    Vote Boris, because he’s worth it.

    Like

  34. 74
    Owen Jones (Guest Moderator) says:

    Stop deportation of Trenton Oldfield. http://www.change.org/en-

    GB/petitions/theresa-may-home-office-stop-the-deportation-of-trenton-oldfield …

    Like

  35. 76

    He looks like The Saint. If the Saint hadn’t a haircut in a couple of months.

    And he has a red Halo.
    Very apt.

    Like

  36. 81
    Potential UKIPer. says:

    UKIP WTF?

    Come on Guido, get this guy booted out of UKIP:

    Cllr Brian Silvester has ‘defected’ to UKIP:

    http://ukipnw.co.uk/2013/06/cheshire-east-councillor-defects-to-ukip/

    Actually, he was booted from the Tories in Nov 2012 following a conviction for fire bsafety breaches in a property he owns:

    http://www.crewechronicle.co.uk/crewe-news/local-crewe-news/2012/11/21/disgraced-cheshire-east-councillor-brian-silvester-resigns-from-conservative-group-96135-32271780/

    WHT are UKIP playing at here?

    Get Nige to comment.

    Like

  37. 89
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    What a coincidence… we find out that Leveson did in fact know that 80% of phone and computer hacking was not done by tabloid journalists, and the Guardian puts out another Stephen Lawrence story. They must be really worried that Hacked Off is haemorrhaging the last little bit of credibility it’s got.

    Like

  38. 92
    Ding Dong says:

    “Better get shift that leadership campaign up a gear…”. Nice grammar.

    Like

  39. 98
    Just A Thought says:

    Donald Trump…

    Now you come to think, Boris has a look of Donald (the combover) Trump. Once it has been combed forward and stuck down with tape or glue perhaps he might leave his hair alone??

    Like

  40. 101
    A Human Being says:

    Who cares? Boris is a busted flush. He’s been on the way down ever since the Olympics.

    Like

  41. 106
    Anonymous says:

    HE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE MATT LUCAS!!!

    Like

  42. 112
    Mop Top Tot spotter says:

    … but in compensation we hear that there are limitless mop top tots toddling around England and even a few in Scotland …

    Like

  43. 114
    Baldy says:

    FFS. If you’re going bald, you’re going bald!. What’s the fucking problem?.

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

Does Europe Really Want Britain to Quit? | Nick Wood
Immigration Nation | Hopi Sen
Tories Choose Anti-Israel Candidate in Rochester | JC
Osborne’s Daycare Obsession is a Time Bomb | Kathy Gyngell
BBC Marr Pinko Trying to Ban the Queen | Speccie
Eric Hobsbawm: Companion of Dishonour | Standpoint
Guido Party Gossip | Iain Dale
Russell Brand Comes Out as 9/11 Truther | Guardian
Health Revolution is Underway | Fraser Nelson
UKIP Gets Professional | Red Box
Kelly Tolhurst Wins Rochester Open Primary | BBC


VOTER-RECALL
Find out more about PLMR


Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS




AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,544 other followers