June 21st, 2013

42 Tory Taliban Alternative Queen’s Speech Bills in Full

1. Face Coverings (Prohibition) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to prohibit the wearing of certain face coverings; and for connected purposes.

2. National Service Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to provide a system of national service for young persons; and for connected purposes.

3. European Communities Act 1972 (Repeal) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to repeal the European Communities Act 1972 and related legislation; and for connected purposes.

4. Young Offenders (Parental Responsibility) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to make provision for the parents of young offenders to be legally responsible for their actions.

5. Foreign National Offenders (Exclusion from the United Kingdom) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to make provision to exclude from the United Kingdom foreign nationals found guilty of a criminal offence committed in the United Kingdom.

6. Asylum Seekers (Return to Nearest Safe Country) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to facilitate the transfer of asylum seekers to the safe country nearest their country of origin.

7. Prisoners (Completion of Custodial Sentences) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to require prisoners to serve in prison the full custodial sentence handed down by the court.

8. Fishing Grounds and Territorial Waters (Repatriation) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to make provision for the Government to designate certain fishing grounds and territorial waters as sovereign territory of the United Kingdom outside the control of the Common Fisheries Policy.

9. School Governing Bodies (Adverse Weather Conditions) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to require school governing bodies and headteachers to make provision to keep schools open in adverse weather conditions.

10. Capital Punishment Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to allow for capital punishment for certain offences.

11. Government Departments (Amalgamation of Scotland Office, Wales Office and Northern Ireland Office) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to make provision for the amalgamation of the Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland Offices.

12. Residential Roads (Adoption by Local Highways Authority) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to require the handover of residential roads built by developers to local highways authorities within certain time periods; and for connected purposes.

13. Equality and Diversity (Reform) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to prohibit the use of affirmative and positive action in recruitment and appointment processes; to amend the Equality Act 2010 to remove the special provision for political parties in relation to the selection of candidates; and for connected purposes.

14. Sentencing Escalator Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to provide that a criminal reconvicted for an offence on a second or further occasion receives a longer sentence than for the first such offence.

15. Leasehold Reform (Amendment) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to amend the Leasehold Reform, Housing and Urban Development Act 1993 in relation to the permitted signatories of notices; and for connected purposes. 8 Monday 24 June 2013

16. BBC Licence Fee (Civil Debt) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to make provision to decriminalise the non-payment of the BBC licence fee.

17. Smoking (Private Members’ Clubs) Mr Philip Hollobone
Bill to make provision to allow smoking in a separate ventilated room in a private members’ club if a majority of the members of the club so decide.

18. Margaret Thatcher Day Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision that the annual Bank Holiday Monday in late August be known as Margaret Thatcher Day.

19. Department of Energy and Climate Change (Abolition) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for the abolition of the Department of Energy and Climate Change and for its functions to be absorbed into the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills.

20. Married Couples (Tax Allowance) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for a tax allowance for married couples.

21. Foreign Aid Ring-Fencing (Abolition) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for foreign aid and development not to be linked to a specific percentage of Gross National Income, but to be set yearly, by Parliament, in relation to need.

22. Charitable Status for Religious Institutions Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for a presumption that religious institutions meet the public benefit test for charitable status.

23. Same Sex Marriage (Referendum) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for a referendum on whether same sex marriage should be allowed.

24. Wind Farm Subsidies (Abolition) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for the cessation of subsidies for the development of wind farms. Withdrawal from the European Convention of Human Rights and Removal of

25. Alleged Terrorists Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for an application to the Council of Europe to withdraw from the European Convention of Human Rights and to deport alleged terrorists subject to approval by the British courts.

26. Romanian and Bulgarian Accession (Labour Restriction) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for restrictions on the residence in the UK of Bulgarian and Romanian nationals to continue.

27. BBC Privatisation Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for the privatisation of the British Broadcasting Corporation by providing shares in the Corporation to all licence fee payers.

28. Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (Abolition) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for the abolition of the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister, and its responsibilities to be allocated to other Departments of State.

29. Prime Minister (Replacement) Mr Peter Bone
Bill to make provision for the appointment of a Prime Minister in the event that a Prime Minister is temporarily or permanently incapacitated.

30. United Kingdom (Withdrawal from the European Union) Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to make provision for the Government to give notice under Article 50 of the Treaty on the Functioning of the European Union; and for connected purposes.

31. Asylum (Time Limit) Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to require that asylum claims in the United Kingdom be lodged within three months of the claimant’s arrival in the United Kingdom; and that persons who have already entered the United Kingdom and wish to make an asylum claim must do so within three months of the passing of this Act.

32. Benefit Entitlement (Restriction) Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to make provision to restrict the entitlement of non-UK Citizens from the European Union and the European Economic Area to taxpayer-funded benefits.

33. Illegal Immigrants (Criminal Sanctions) Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to make provision for criminal sanctions against those who have entered the UK illegally or who have remained in the UK without legal authority.

34. Sexual Impropriety in Employment Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to require that claims by employees alleging sexual impropriety be limited to cases where the alleged misconduct is contrary to the criminal law and has been reported to the police.

35. Collection of Nationality Data Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to require the collection and publication of information relating to the nationality of those in receipt of benefits and of those to whom national insurance numbers are issued.

36. Foreign Nationals (Access to Public Services) Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to restrict access by foreign nationals to United Kingdom public services for which no charge is made.

37. House of Lords (Maximum Membership) Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to provide for a maximum limit on the number of Peers entitled to vote in the House of Lords, and to provide for a moratorium on new appointments.

38. Control of Offshore Wind Turbines Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to restrict the height, number, location and subsidies of wind turbines situated offshore within 20 miles of the coast.

39. Employment Opportunities Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to introduce more freedom, flexibility and opportunity for those seeking employment in the public and private sectors; and for connected purposes.

40. EU Membership (Audit of Costs and Benefits) Mr Peter Bone, on behalf of Mr Christopher Chope
Bill to require an independent audit of the benefits and costs of UK membership of the European Union.

And two more 10 Minute Rule Bills: one from Philip Hollobone on removing planning regulation provisions in respect of Gypsies and travellers and one from Peter Bone on modern day slavery.

All pretty sound perhaps except banning the burka. The Tory Taliban has spoken…


  1. 1
    QA says:

    The last thing service men need is to be looking after conscripts.


  2. 2
    PlatoSays says:

    This Bill was brought to you by the comments section of the Daily Telegraph.


    • 14
      Normal Shafted Tax Payer says:

      I agree with most of those points. It’s a shame that they will never get put into action.


      • 63
        National Socialist says:

        With reference to your comment #18

        Why do you think we get our (almost) daily dose of propaganda about those evil national socialists on television and radio and the rest of the MSM in the West.

        Note whose purpose it serves and that it is backed by the LibLabCon troika. Even UKIP have to keep promulgating their racial equalitarian credentials.

        That’s the very nature of libertarianism (liberal democracy) and all of it’s equalitarian legislation implemented over the last 40-50 years (think race equality, gender equality, sexual orientation equality etc, etc.). Are all people really all the same.

        National Socialism is verboten in these multikulti lands.


      • 92
        golli says:

        Especially the ban the buxrkah bit. The buxrkha is a political statement being made by the same ideologists behind the Woolwich bush butchers, time to weed them all out.


    • 31
      Anonymous says:

      As opposed the Guardian ?


  3. 3
    The Honourable Black Mamba for darkest Africa says:

    This will make Davick Cameregg choke on his caviar


  4. 4
    seebag says:

    What’s wrong with banning the burka?


    • 9
      jmf says:

      Banning the Burka, ok. But Miss Diane Fatbutt should be made to wear the Burka.


      • 12
        i don't n eed no doctor says:

        With no openings.


      • 70
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

        All ugly women should be made to wear a full length burka with veil and good looking women should be allowed to walk around naked if they so choose ;-)


    • 10
      Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994 says:

      The cops already have the powers to make people remove face coverings.
      The problem may be that their line managers are too politically wary of using these powers on Moslems.



    • 59
      Julia Middleton says:

      People should be able to wear whatever they want, short of wandering around start bollock naked like that beardy rambler.

      The problem is some rather dim-witted women have been brainwashed by a 5th-Century cult into wandering about with big bin liners on. That is the problem, laws on clothing will not help.


    • 62
      Morgan's Organ says:

      Yes Guido whats wrong with that. Have you already forgotten the Selfridges raid? Whats next?


  5. 5
    jmf says:

    looks good to me


  6. 6
    Anonymous says:

    No surprise here. In Kettering Phillip Hollobone is known as Jonesie after the character in Dads Army, because he could only make corporal in the Territorial Army and because he is so ineffective and panicky that everyone expects him to shout ‘Don’t panic’ – and that’s ignoring his views on foreigners…..


  7. 7
    Where's Gordon? says:


    • 20
      Wilbur Smith says:

      They should all be put in gaol.


    • 103
      Brownbadger says:

      Yes, as long as Gordon Brown is her cell mate. Serve the bastard right.

      By the way, where the hell is that bastard……..certainly not earning his MP’s salary.


  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    At last!


  9. 11
    Lukewarm says:

    This article wasn’t worth the time it took to write it. #yournotbeenfunny


  10. 16
    On Your Bike says:


  11. 17
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Swearing George and his unfeasibly tight trousers.


  12. 22
    Lord Sir Domly Dom says:

    I fully support all of these bills. If this was the tory manifesto for 2015 And we had a tory leadership willing to actually do this, I would return to voting tory.


    • 79
      Steve. says:

      Me too. But, manifesto promises are for the most part empty promises. If this was presented as a Tory manifesto, written in law, the Tories would win the biggest landslide in history come 2015. Sadly we are all aware that it’s just pie in the sky, wishfull thinking.


  13. 27
    Jeff Osborne says:

    What about sending Gordon Brown to prison?


  14. 28
    In the Amy now like it or not says:

    All very good says Guido , is that right ? So you would have been happy doing National service in your younger days would you Guido ?


  15. 30
    Real world says:

    Get rid of the gov, put Hollobone, Bone and Chope in as an triumvirate.


  16. 35
    Mrs Bone says:

    I am content


  17. 41
    Point of Information says:

    And instead of the above we got gay marriage and a pile of useless, ugly and damned expensive windmills.

    Thanks Dave, you total c’unt.


  18. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Provision for arbitrary arrest and deportation, I see. Planning for a police state?


    • 48
      Point of Information says:

      Arbitrary arrest is already there.

      Deportation is as well, if a European Arrest Warrant filed in another country.

      Deporting illegals and those who have outstayed their welcome is the bit which is missing and crucially would be most useful to the country.


  19. 43
    Edmund says:

    Blood and Bone


  20. 46
    Moussa Koussa Mark 13 says:

    Sounds like a suicide list.

    Thatcher Day….good luck with that one


    • 75
      Lord Sir Domly Dom says:

      No, electing labour and cameron’s lefty version of the tories has been suicide. National suicide.


  21. 47
    LibLabCon Traitors says:

    Now now, we can’t have patriotic, common sense popular policies like this.


  22. 49
    The PrangWizard of England says:

    I can support all these with the exception of capital punishment, which I have always opposed, and that relating to a form of national service, just can’t see it working out.
    I would like to add however, that we must have a parliament for England, needless to say comprising only MPs from English constituencies. We also need to re-incorporate Monmouthshire into England, where it stood until 1974 I think until acquired by Wales in a parliamentary ‘plot’ cooked up by Welsh MPs.
    The BBC, in its privatisation should be divided up between the nations, particularly for England, which unlike the others has no broadcaster which identifies with it directly and as a unity.


    • 89
      Matilda says:

      The MPs for English constituencies should also only be real live proper English ones who can trace their ancestry back at least 5 generations. None of the Johnny-cum-latelys.


      • 93
        stoicfnord says:

        Aka: NO BROWN PEOPLE.

        Racist fuck


      • 96
        Vote LD for (as yet undisclosed) expenses claims says:

        It’s no good as they now all have it in them to be only greedy rather than help build Britain, it’s already built thank you very much Matilda.


    • 104
      Brownbadger says:

      Not only did they steal Monmouthshire but they renamed it Gwent!

      Just what are the Welsh for?


  23. 53
    Moussa Koussa Mark 13 says:

    The Bone List more like

    To Peter The Boner Bone.

    43. Stop employing your wife on £50,000 pa, at tax payers’ expense. 50K to open your post. Thieving C*unt


    • 56
      Mr Bone says:

      Mrs Bone is very demanding

      Please be tolerant

      We are all doing it…

      At least it is onshore…


  24. 55
    Colonel Bogie says:

    Thank you, I’ll have the lot.


  25. 57
    Moussa Koussa Mark 13 says:

    What a cheeky C8unt

    20. Married Couples (Tax Allowance) Mr Peter Bone
    Bill to make provision for a tax allowance for married couples.

    Isnt giving your wife 50K of public money each year not enough


  26. 58
    Anonymous says:

    42 – The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything


  27. 60
    Archie Norman of ITV says:

    Privatise the BBC

    Quite right

    If all you window lickers subscribe, I will make a reverse takeover for the BBC and hand back the billions to you that have been robbed

    PS They have some properties that will fetch billions…..


  28. 64
    Moussa Koussa Mark 13 says:

    44… Peter Bone to pay back the maximum allowance of £4,800 a year he claims for food


  29. 66
    Got a badger for a head says:

    Please god no Thatcher day. Then we’ll have to have a Blair day.


    • 74
      Anonymous says:

      Good idea badgerhead; a day when everybody would have a smile on their face & tell lies.
      The only problem would be how to stop the politicons doing it all year.


  30. 67
    Brian Williams says:

    I don’t see why there shouldn’t be a burqa ban. The concept of keeping a woman covered so as not to turn the nearest man into a rapist is repugnant and disgusting.

    It’s the ultimate symbol of male dominance, repression, and ownership. Imagine what would happen if we had a white Christian husband insisting that his wife keep her face and body covered all the time. Where are the feminist protests here? To say it’s “their choice” is like saying if you brainwash a girl into becoming a masochist, it’s all right to beat her.

    Winston Churchill: “The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property – either as a child, a wife, or a concubine – must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men.”


  31. 69
    Moussa Koussa Mark 13 says:

    45…..Reduce minimum wage to 87p per hour…that is the rate Peter Bone used to pay 17-year-old trainees at his company Palm Travel (West )


  32. 71
    Moussa Koussa Mark 13 says:

    46. Bill to prevent Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson from naming everything after himself


  33. 72
    Grumpy Voter says:

    Brilliant – makes a perfect outline for a 40 episode comedy series on the lines of Yes Minister. Come on BBC – make the most of it.


    • 82
      Sir Humphrey Appleby says:

      While it would seem so, Minister, there are as many questions remaining unanswered as are being addressed, and we would not want the Government to suffer the indignity of a paving-of-the-road-to-hell scenario, now, would we, sir? The Law of Unintended Consequences is, alas, one that Parliament, try as they may, cannot repeal.

      These are of course, political questions, and ones which the electorate have reposed their confidence in you and your party to deal with, and the decision to be taken must be yours– I can but advise, Minister. I live to serve.


  34. 73

    If only! instead Dave has brought us gay marriage.


  35. 77
    Pavlovs Dog says:

    I like the comparison of this Tory manifesto and the Taliban. Guido puts his true views in the headline, then feeds a bunch of meat to his hungry readers. Gobble, munch, chew….

    Guido, you have gone from revolutionary to zoo-keeper in less than three years. Ah well, keeps you off the streets.


  36. 80
    Lagwolf says:

    National service one is bit fascistic.


    • 84
      Moussa Koussa Mark 13 says:

      I think you will find that most of them are the ramblings of a fantasist

      * Asylum Seekers (Return to Nearest Safe Country)

      Of course the nearest country will happily open their doors to accomodate Bonkers Bone Bluster

      Bone is a plank !!!!


  37. 85
    Jimmy says:

    43 Poland (Invasion of)
    44 First Born (Slaughter Of)
    45 Philip Holobone (Men in White Coats, Removal By)


    • 95
      Vote LD for (as yet undisclosed) expenses claims says:

      46 BBC to forever support an incarnation of Labour. (already law)


  38. 91
    Unsuprised says:

    Why is it that people can only accept the weakest elements of law. There has been a right to deport criminals for years but it is rarey used. Enforce the laws we have and rank the above Eurpean directives and much of the above would not be wanted.


  39. 94
    Vote LD for (as yet undisclosed) expenses claims says:

    They are particularly enamoured by the Burkha in Sheen – it’s like blind date, plus you never know if you’re going to get a man or woman. Really do we view women in such a base way as they do in Saudi. Ferengi.


  40. 97
    Dr Evil says:

    These all seem very sensible. They should all be enacted by parliament immediately.


  41. 99
    Ban it Danno says:


    Turkey is a secular state, largely inhabited by moslems, and it has banned the burka.

    Banning the burka is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. It oppresses women, even if they are too stupid to realise it, and it has no place in a civilised country.


  42. 100
    ifyoucanseemeishouldbeabletoseeyou says:

    guido writes: ‘All pretty sound perhaps except banning the burka.’

    this must be a writing error. it should say: ‘all pretty sound ESPECIALLY banning the burka.’


  43. 101
    Fact Hunt says:

    Apart from a couple of pisstakes the most sensible political manifesto in the history of this country.


  44. 108
    Tax Payers Alliance says:

    I thought all the swivel-eyed loons were in UKIP. Clearly not from this list.


  45. 110
    microdave says:

    “1. Face Coverings (Prohibition) Mr Philip Hollobone
    Bill to prohibit the wearing of certain face coverings”

    This might not be such a good idea – look what Canada has just introduced:



  46. 111
    Ron Todd says:

    House of lords membership should as soon as practical be limited to those who get elected. (Yes that would mean more politicians)

    The head of state should also be elected (No that would not mean we would get Cherie Blair or John Prescott)_
    The licence fee should be abolished.
    Conscription only if we have a war of national survival.
    I would like something to limit financial rewards of the people at the top of the public sector or at least a robust way of linking pay to performance.

    Otherwise a pretty good list.


  47. 113
    Ron Todd says:

    I would add only those who have worked outside the public sector for two years can stand as MPs or be employed as teachers in state funded schools.


  48. 117
    Ric says:

    15. Leasehold Reform (Amendment) Mr Philip Hollobone
    Bill to amend the Leasehold Reform, Housing and Urban Development Act 1993 in relation to the permitted signatories of notices; and for connected purposes. 8 Monday 24 June 2013.
    Could some one explain the significance of this for me,especially any political aspects.

    Many thanks


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