June 17th, 2013

Craig Told Put Family Before Cameron

Craig Oliver, the Prime Minister’s embattled Director of Communications, has been told by his friends to put his family before his job, lest his marriage go the way of other Downing Street denizens. Craig is married to the BBC News presenter Joanna Gosling, with whom he has three children. The unrelenting 24/7 pressure of his Downing Street job spinning for the PM is, Craig himself admits, “a lot of stress”…

Ironically David Cameron pledged in opposition “to make the UK the most family-friendly country in Europe” yet has seen the marriages of his former press secretary Gabby Bertin as well as that of his “gatekeeper” Kate Fall break up. Kate is the chillaxing PM’s hardworking deputy chief of staff. It looks like Osborne will need to find money in the budget to hire more staff to lighten the workload if Downing Street is to really be a family-friendly workplace.


59 Comments

  1. 1
    Rufus says:

    “It looks like Osborne will need to find money in the budget to hire more staff to lighten the workload if Downing Street is to really be a family-friendly workplace”

    Bull shit. They do nothing that is of any use as far as I can see.

    • 8
      help the bro. says:

      .
      .
      employ the extreme job hunter.

    • 29
      help the bro....find the rectum. says:

      .
      .
      in the new movie.
      $49m income per annum is not enough.
      as it is less that one a week,
      .
      .
      a big job once a week is enough.
      in a world where money is “dunno what i should do with it”…the answer is the rectum.
      the rectum rectifies. It is the great big unifier. so …….
      .
      .
      .
      all41
      14all.
      .
      .all you need is love.
      .5 is loyal. all the knowledge is in the dung. heyho so deep.
      antz.
      aunti
      anti
      iz
      zi

    • 41
      Geoffrey Brooking says:

      He’s probably spotted Boris plotting…. http://www.theblueguerilla.co.uk :)

    • 43
      Sir William Waad says:

      If all you have to offer is snake oil, you have to work damned hard selling it. Seriously, Craig old bean, ditch it and get an honest job, one that might allow your children to respect you. How can you face them?

      “Daddy, what did you do today?”

      “i said a lot of things I didn’t believe. I doubt if anybody else believed them, either.”

      “Why, daddy?”

      • 52
        Helpful suggestion says:

        If he’s expected to sell the idea of British support for Syrian terrorists to a deeply sceptical public,I strongly suggest he makes his excuses and finds another job ASAP.
        Campbell never recovered from the lies he told over Iraq.

  2. 2
    Kebab Time says:

    “if Downing Street is to really be a family-friendly workplace.”

    Could Guido inquire if the number of Nokia related incidents have fallen or risen since may 2010?

    • 27

      from the F.O.I office.

      In the period 1997-2006 Nokia related injuries; including facial, cranial,chest area and anal insertion increased from 0 to 1,998 recorded at the Treasury with some 149 taking place at no 10, Downing Street.

      From 2007-2010 Nokia related injuries, permanent scarring or fatalities rose some 2000%.
      Records were not accurately kept due to dedicated {NRA} H&S officer being injured by a flying Nokia 3320 and associated phone charger in 2009.

      From mid May 2010 Nokia related accidents {NRAs} fell by 100%.

      Thank you for your inquiry.

      With regard to your supplementary question, Downing street has no record of photocopier, swivel chair, filing cabinets, pen holder, VDU terminal or stapler related accidents.

      However across all stationary areas the spending of all government departments on stationary items rose 2500%.

      This is some 300% over and above usual Labour government spending increases in department budgets.

      FOI office.

      • 44
        Dave says:

        Yes, no stress here. We’re all chillaxed.

        We do have a few sunburn and deckchair related incidents, some of the latter occurring while we rearranged the deckchairs and the band played.

        • 53
          And the band played on says:

          As long as you go down with your ship (SS Tory party), that’ll be fine.

        • 54
          Paper round says:

          But what about the stationEry areas? Anyone got a spare pin I might borrow?

    • 30

      Nokia is likely to announce a profit warning to investors within the next few weeks, the Royal Bank of Canada has suggested, after worse than expected sales in Q2 2013, with operating margin for the smart devices division tipped to be around -3%.

      According to the bank’s numbers, Nokia is estimated to sell 2m less than previous estimates, mostly in the Central London area – while regular phone sales will drop. The claimed reason for the shortfall is one we’ve heard many times before: cheap Android phones eating into the politically airborne segment.

      It’s not been a good few years for Nokia. Earlier this week, it was suggested that even in the company’s own home territory, Finland, Samsung was now outselling Nokia phones as they fly better.

      • 32
        The BBC consumes an awful lot of cocaine, abuses children, and causes serious mental illness says:

        Some of Nokia technology, like QT, is cool and useful.

        Their actual products are shit or too expensive for the price bracket.

        Samsung cannot be beat on bang per buck if you know your hardware.

        • 46
          Nokia spokestxtr says:

          The main problem has been the fall in replacement Nokias ordered by 10 and 11 Downing Street. Also competition has increased owing to surgeons on Ebay selling Nokias retrieved from A&E patients at Westminster hospital

  3. 3

    It’s all stretch,innit!

    • 13
      Nick Cleggover - The Unthinking Man's Bonker says:

      If you can’t take the heat then stay out of the kitchen.
      I’m all right Jack as all I do is obstruct government and make silly promises and claims.

  4. 4
    Gordon Brown says:

    What a pussy.

  5. 5
    Wyle Cop says:

    8.30 this evening, BBC R4:
    “Predistribution.
    “Predistribution is Labour’s new policy buzzword, used by leader Ed Miliband in a keynote speech. The US thinker who coined the phrase tells Edward Stourton what it means.”

    So, a half-hour PPB on behalf of the Labour Party. WTF?? It’s the party’s job to explain its policies, not the fucking BBC.

    • 15
      Left Wing Activist says:

      Millibandwagon is the new word for Labour.
      Management speak is not good for us as we have never understood business or management.

    • 22
      nellnewman says:

      predistribution – gosh that sounds really catchy doesn’t it?

      It has about the same appe@l as predators and producers and we know where that ended up!!

    • 45
      Sir William Waad says:

      Predistribution is no for allometric for interpracticality or symbialectics.

      See how easy this is?

      • 55
        D. Acerspades says:

        Predistribution is what happens to the cards when my mates come round for a few hands of poker.

  6. 6
    Gary Bloke says:

    Not to mention the love split between Dave and many Conservative voters.

    • 10
      broderick crawford says:

      Yes but Dave IS trying to make Britain a family friendly place …..
      …. it s just that he subscribes to the view that PUBS are the best place for family friendliness,
      .
      So much so that he thinks leaving your children in one after a liquid Sunday lunch — and hoping they will make it their new home — is his version of the policy .

      • 18
        Dragnet says:

        ?

        “The facts mam, just give me the facts”

        • 49
          Detective Sergeant Friday says:

          This story is true– only this time, we’re not going to change the names, because nobody’s innocent in any of this.

      • 20
        CAMRA says:

        Please get up to date. Thousands of pubs are closing each month.
        Finding a really good pub with fine beer at decent prices and decent company is very difficult.
        Oh, and please Broderick, DO grow up.

        • 23
          nellnewman says:

          Our local has turned into a tesco’s. Is that dave’s idea of making Britain a family friendly place?

          • The BBC consumes an awful lot of cocaine, abuses children, and causes serious mental illness says:

            No, destroying marriage by allowing pillow biters to wed is Dave’s idea of family friendly.

            Dave lies.

  7. 7

    The six stages of cotton production are:
    Cultivating and harvesting
    Preparatory processes
    Spinning
    Weaving
    Finishing
    Marketing

    Last century there used to be over a million people employed.

    Now it’s just three bods in Downing Street. Times is hard.

    • 12
      The labour Party says:

      We said that Spinning Jenny would put thousands out of work.
      And we was right!

      Smash the stuff!
      Smash the stuff

    • 19
      Tachybaptus says:

      Bloody little cultivation in Downing Street.

      • 24
        Met Police - Operation Fungus says:

        Oh I don’t know as they must be on something.
        We will have to investigate.

  8. 9
    Dan Hodges says:

    Is it possible that Owen Jones is the product of an experiment designed to create the most awful human being and get it retweeted?

  9. 11
    Ed Balls says:

    Ed Bored

  10. 16
    nellnewman says:

    My heart bleeds for the poor overpaid underworked no10 downing street spinners.

    Yes lets find more taxpayers money to pay them more and employ more of them to lighten the workload!!!

    +++++Laugh+++++

    • 56
      D. Acerspades says:

      I doubt if many on here would be able to continuously promote the ‘gay marriage is good for you’ meme and keep a straight face at the same time.

      If Cameron stopped spewing out ridiculous policies and ineffectual sound bites, there would be a lot less to spin.

  11. 17
    BBC scum says:

    Who would want to be married to BBC scum?

    • 26
      nellnewman says:

      I see 1 in 3 of the journalists covering the G8 in N.Ireland are BBC journalists – approximately 50 of them – taking up the best hotels with the best views at premium rates and eating in the best restaurants to be found in the area complete with champagne and fine wines of course, all being paid for by us the taxpayer!!

    • 28
      BBC Big Brother says:

      Working for the bbc is a job for life totally subsidized by the public – what could be more cosy for loony hypocritical left wingers to reside there?
      Just leave your ethics and morals behind as you enter.

  12. 25
    Gaye Mann (Mrs) says:

    Aye, it can’t be easy spinning for #10 when no-one believes a word of what ‘call me Dave’ Dave says.

    Anyone fancy what he’s getting?

  13. 31
    nellnewman says:

    http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/theatre-dance/news/premier-performance-gordon-browns-fall-from-power-inspires-new-play-8657628.html

    Ho Hum – a new play about gordon brown due to be performed at the Edinburgh Festival shows gordon as vicious mad and indecisiive and the worst failure of a prime minister in 200 years. It’s getting close to the truth then.

    • 37
      The BBC consumes an awful lot of cocaine, abuses children, and causes serious mental illness says:

      He certainly makes Dave look ‘good’.

      Brown should have been put in a secure location away from sharp objects long ago.

      Unfortunately some got the wrong idea, which is why he is now UN Special Envoy for ‘Edukayshun’.

  14. 34
    John Tandy says:

    Easy take it from the UK OAP’s but he will be sorry in 2015 believe me….

  15. 35
    Traitor Dave says:

    What’s the problem. Marriage soon won’t exist anymore. I’m destroying the whole purpose and meaning of it.

    Conservatives do not now support traditional families. We’re the politically correct government dontcha know.

  16. 36
    Anonymous says:

    It is possible that more staff is not the answer. Rather, it may be that you have to get ministers, and senior staff, to stop fretting about every little blip in the news, to decide in good time exactly what they want, to stick to those decisions, and to implement them calmly.

    • 39
      The BBC consumes an awful lot of cocaine, abuses children, and causes serious mental illness says:

      If they did that, then some may realize that their position is kind of redundant and then decide not to pay them anymore.

      One of the benefits of Labour is the creation of the ‘credible’ non-job.

      This is part of the de-industrialization process. Replace productive capital and Labour with low-consumption non-occupations which still give the illusion of productivity.

  17. 38
    Larry The Cat says:

    “Bloody little cultivation in Downing Street.”

    I have tried. I have been planting mice in the rose garden for 4 years and none of them has sprouted yet

  18. 40
    A nincumpoop says:

    I don’t want people in Downing Street with either a life or a family.

    They’re not there for ever – just a few years. Work. Work. Work.

    They can sort themselves out afterwards.

    • 50
      WILLYBUM VAGUE says:

      We only want shirt lifters and rug munchers , promiscuous ones of course

  19. 42
    WILLYBUM VAGUE says:

    GCHQ certainly did not spy on the twitter accounts of British citizens !
    Breaking news! GCHQ spied on communications of delegates at the G20 meeting in London 4 years ago
    If they had the nod to spy on foreign leaders , then Joe publics twitter accounts are “bread and butter”

    Browns miniscule amount of credibility has just been dumped on from a great height

  20. 48
    Boris says:

    Crikey! Can’t find my bally briefing papers for all these Father’s Day cards. Whoops!

  21. 51
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    If you put yourself forward to work for me and tax me at over 50% of what I get then I expect you to put my interests above your own at all times.

    If you can’t do this the only honorable thing to do is resign.


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A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”



Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.


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