May 17th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest (Push the Button Edition)


121 Comments

  1. 1
    Timmytour says:

    Pull for fun

  2. 2
    S P 4 B S says:

    OK. I don’t know who that is.

    I’d hoped for Nigel Farrage tossing off a cable. caber.

  3. 3
    WelshRacer says:

    She needs to be pressed harder on this.

  4. 4
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Pull for Action, surely.

  5. 5
    Ding Dong says:

    Accra Calling

  6. 6
    Tuscan Tony says:

    If Guido ever transgendered himself I fear the result would be something like this.

  7. 7
    Polly Toynbee says:

    Urgh she is horribly white

  8. 8
    Tom Wotsan says:

    Fuck it, no prize so nowt in it for me

    c ya

  9. 9
    WelshRacer says:

    To be honest, I think she would prefer a knob.

  10. 10
    Handycock says:

    Is that the cover for my gloryhole?

    Boaz.

  11. 11
    Two Jags one shag and a fag says:

    well before I push for action could she at least fart and give me a clue.

  12. 12
    Call me Dave says:

    Bloody cheek of them normos thinking they can have a civil partnership.

  13. 13
    Invitation to Tender says:

    The sticker for the back of the HS2 inaugural train?

  14. 14
    Bi Curious (No seriously what the fuck is this about?) says:

    Is it a picture of Owen Jones ‘dirty tuppence’?

  15. 16
    Raunchy Mag say says:

    are you stealing our photos.

    We say: Which button and press with what?

  16. 17
    Boris Stepney says:

    The opening of the West London Dyslexia Free School.

  17. 18
    Antipo-dean says:

    Go on, push me. Push me hard. Push me if you dare.

  18. 19
    Who run's the country again? says:

    This is the button we intend to put on every MP’s head

    • 49
      Educated (sic) under Labour says:

      Somebody who dont kno how to u’se apo’strophe’s?

  19. 20
    Ryan says:

    and that m’lord is the defense case for Nigel Evans

  20. 21
    Becks says:

    Misprint of new tube button ‘Push 1 for Acton’ published.

  21. 22
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    .
    .

      _
     (_) 
    {___}
     | |___________________________________________
     | |`-._`-._         ;|    |:         _.-'_.-'|
     | |`-._`-._`-._     ;|    |:     _.-'_.-'_.-'|
     | |    `-._`-._`-._ ;|    |: _.-'_.-'_.-'    |
     | | _ _ _ _`-._`-._`;|    |:`_.-'_.-' _ _ _ _|
     | |------------------      ------------------|
     | |                                          |
     | |__________________      __________________|
     | |- - - - -_.--_.--;|    |:--._--._- - - - -|
     | |     _.-'_.-'_.-';|    |:`-._`-._`-._     |
     | | _.-'_.-'_.-'    ;|    |:    `-._`-._`-._ |
     | |'_.-'_.-'        ;|    |:        `-._`-._`|
     | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     | |
     | |
     | | UUUUUUU    UUUUUUU KKKKKKK    KKKKKK IIIIIIIII PPPPPPPPPPPPPPP   
     | | U₤₤₤₤₤U    U₤₤₤₤₤U K₤₤₤₤₤K    K₤₤₤₤K I₤₤₤₤₤₤₤I P₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤P  
     | | U₤₤₤₤₤U    U₤₤₤₤₤U K₤₤₤₤₤K    K₤₤₤₤K I₤₤₤₤₤₤₤I P₤₤₤₤₤PPPPPP₤₤₤₤P 
     | | UU₤₤₤₤U    U₤₤₤₤UU K₤₤₤₤₤K   K₤₤₤₤₤K II₤₤₤₤₤II PP₤₤₤₤P     P₤₤₤₤P
     | |  U₤₤₤₤U    U₤₤₤₤U  KK₤₤₤₤K  K₤₤₤₤KKK   I₤₤₤I     P₤₤₤P     P₤₤₤₤P
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     | |  U₤₤₤₤D    D₤₤₤₤U    K₤₤₤₤K₤₤₤₤K       I₤₤₤I     P₤₤₤PPPPPP₤₤₤₤P 
     | |  U₤₤₤₤D    D₤₤₤₤U    K₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤K        I₤₤₤I     P₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤PP  
     | |  U₤₤₤₤D    D₤₤₤₤U    K₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤K        I₤₤₤I     P₤₤₤PPPPPPPP    
     | |  U₤₤₤₤D    D₤₤₤₤U    K₤₤₤₤K₤₤₤₤K       I₤₤₤I     P₤₤₤P            
     | |  U₤₤₤₤D    D₤₤₤₤U    K₤₤₤K K₤₤₤₤K      I₤₤₤I     P₤₤₤P            
     | |  U₤₤₤₤₤U  U₤₤₤₤₤U  KK₤₤₤₤K  K₤₤₤₤KKK   I₤₤₤I     P₤₤₤P            
     | |  U₤₤₤₤₤₤UU₤₤₤₤₤₤U  K₤₤₤₤₤K   K₤₤₤₤₤K II₤₤₤₤₤II PP₤₤₤₤₤PP          
     | |   UU₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤₤UU   K₤₤₤₤₤K    K₤₤₤₤K I₤₤₤₤₤₤₤I P₤₤₤₤₤₤₤P          
     | |     UU₤₤₤₤₤₤UU     K₤₤₤₤₤K    K₤₤₤₤K I₤₤₤₤₤₤₤I P₤₤₤₤₤₤₤P          
     | |       UUUUUU       KKKKKKK    KKKKKK IIIIIIIII PPPPPPPPP     
     |₤₤
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    • 76
      Jim says:

      LOCK UP NIGEL FARAGE IN A JOCK PUB NOW PLEASE

    • 78
      Anonymous says:

      8b d8 dP”Yb 88b 88 dP””b8
      88b d88 dP Yb 88Yb88 dP `”
      88YbdP88 Yb dP 88 Y88 Yb “88
      88 YY 88 YbodP 88 Y8 YboodP

  22. 23
    scottishcalvin says:

    In an attempt to remain young looking, party officials ordered up large-size prints rather that put reading glasses on

  23. 24
    disco anon says:

    Sing along…………..” You can ring my Beh….eh…ell, ring my bell, do do,do do, You can ring my beh…eh…ell, ring my bell”.

  24. 25
    Eleanor Jackson says:

    Let’s ban everything on earth just in case they offend muslims.

    • 30
      Diane Abbott says:

      Racist!

    • 31
      Diane Abbotapotumus says:

      Agreed

    • 38
      Your typical tolerant muzzie says:

      Why is you working in council? Working in council is man’s job. You offend me! You be going to kitchen! You wash and cook and clean! You not leave house without burqa and with man’s permission! Do this now!

      • 95
        Anonymous says:

        …and clean up mess those pre-teen white whores have made in guest room. We have party tonight for many friends, so do ironing.

  25. 26
    Roscoe Rules says:

    I must say the babes have certainly gone downhill since I last accidently hit the red button and got stuck on the Babewatch channel for at least half an hour till my wife walked in.

  26. 27
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Is that anything like “Push, push inna bush…”?
    But the way things are today, she’s probably gone Brazilian…

  27. 29
    Nick Clegg says:

    WHY IS THE BUTTON NOT YELLOW?

    YOU’LL PAY

  28. 33

    The public message for the EU referendum is delivered for approval.

    Dave: “Someone’s cocked this up. Press for inaction I said!
    Inaction!”

    • 37
      Lord Leveson says:

      It says the right thing ‘[The] Press for Action’

      See you in court

  29. 34
    Gaylord says:

    That’s the size of Liam Fox’s imaginary nuclear button.
    He keeps it in a secret place, inside the foreskin of his ‘travelling companion’.

    • 61
      The Talented Mr Werritty says:

      I’ll have you know, Dr Fox likes the “cut” of my jib, so to speak.
      Try again, fool.

  30. 35
  31. 36
    Anonymous says:

    On so may levels this campaign is just wrong:

    Machinery: A large red button always means stop action.
    Autistic: Pushing an Autistic person does generally create an action
    Gender: Why are so many females used in promoting a largely male problem.
    Spectrum: Why is the opposite end of the autistic spectrum not considered a problem. Take every trait of autism and think of the opposite extreme, and look around you for some candidates.

    • 48
      True boring facts (with addded logic) says:

      For a while, in Communist China, red traffic lights meant ‘go’, because ‘red’ signified ‘moving forwards, progress’.

      From this, I deduce that the young lady in the photo is (a) Chinese and (b) a communist.

      • 55
        Anonymous says:

        You are talking about the promotion executive brought in to make a campaign at enormous cost.

        All the others involved just ran along as all good UK charities do. They were swept forward in the hunt for money. Did anyone actually try this campaign out with the supposed beneficiaries. They would have told them to push the delete button.

    • 71
      S P 4 B S says:

      I call it “Diana-ism”.

      Its all about saying you understand other people. all the sodding time.
      But not being able to understand anything else.

      “I hear what you are saying”

      • 77
        Anonymous says:

        You mean people that believe they can represent the interests of a community without ever meeting them, and are desperate to talk constantly, and gather in small rooms with hundreds of people.

        I call them MPs.

  32. 39
    Bi Curious (No seriously what the fuck is this about?) says:

    Ok we have a red button with ‘push for action’ written on it and one of the birds from Cagney&Lacey holding a pamphlet.
    I’m still fucked if I know what it’s about.

    • 45
      Anonymous says:

      See 38: 50 MPs started this campaign to harass autistic children. Just imagine the school play ground.

      • 56
        Stephen Fry says:

        Autism isn’t that one of those illnesses that’s increased in proportion to the amount of shrinks paid to diagnose it?
        fnar fnar

        • 72
          S P 4 B S says:

          Maybe. but one might note that “Mr. Logic” from viz, was a real person with undiagnosed aspergers. In the old days it was perfectly acceptable to not talk to people if you didn’t want to.

  33. 41
    The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button says:

  34. 43
    WelshRacer says:

    Caroline Nokes MP

    Blue Peter fans will get this:

    Push for Action & “Go with Nokes”

  35. 44
  36. 46
    davo says:

    I’ve examined this picture for half an hour and I have to conclude that there is absolutely no funny caption in there. And believe me, I can think laterally.

    • 50
      Stephen Fry says:

      It is a photo of what used to be the world biggest ‘Smartie’, thenl I came along. Fnar fnar.

    • 51
      davo says:

      Apart from, possibly:

      1) “Oh Godddd, I’ve just cum”.

      2) “Hi, I’m Ed Winchester”.

      3) “Today I have been mainly eating lentils”.

    • 65
      Wyle Cop says:

      …and Caroline can think horizontally.

  37. 47
    sugarbabes v673.78c says:

    degenerative dyslexia has fucked mutya good and proper.

  38. 57
    Harry Krishna says:

    The only thing to do if you want to see if it is triplets or quads!!

  39. 59
    Wyle Cop says:

    PS: the pic doesn’t need a caption; it speaks for itself.
    PPS: I would, though.

  40. 63
    111 Hotline says:

    Guido best get back from the 3 bottle lunch, this caption competition is shite.

    Send stories

  41. 64
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    I know politicians are as thick as pigshit but who in their right mind would stand next to this!

  42. 66
    Pervy Sam says:

    Tits or arse, love.

  43. 70
    Weybridgeman says:

    I was expecting Lacey to appear, not Hodge!

  44. 74
    Jim says:

    ACTION NOW SLUT.

  45. 75
    S.B.S. says:

    Oh, Hello, Ding, Dong, I am going to ring your bell.

  46. 80
    geordieboy says:

    Latest gimmic for the maternity wards for those thinking of a caesarean.

  47. 80
    Mary Hinge says:

    Following her divorce, is she standing outside a new dating sign waiting to join?

  48. 82
    Dave the Rave has lost the plot says:

    This must be a Tory horse

    As Rebekah would say

    A Kingdom for my horse….

  49. 83

    Chris Huhne gets support for his condition from unlikely quarters, upon his release.

  50. 84
    The Noble Lord Blaby says:

    Push off (say the electorate)

  51. 86
    Gaye Mann (Mrs) says:

    …and ‘call me Dave’ Dave specifically asked for this to be disconnected.

  52. 87
    Village Idiot says:

    I’ve got a big ‘un….(use your imagination)

  53. 89
    Ryan says:

    has anyone noticed the anagram

    Push for action = Chats Poof Ruin

  54. 90
    elaineland says:

    Taxi’s here for UKIP !!

  55. 91
    Rick says:

    UNITE funded boffins have come up with a new enhancement for the long awaited upgrade of Ed Milliband to version 1.01. Intended as a solution to Ed Milliband v1.00′s complete lack of any policy whatsoever on absolutely anything, it’s designers are hoping the code can be adapted to rectify other design flaws discovered since its inception.

    Future upgrades are rumoured to include an oratory skills patch and a ‘page 1 rewrite’ of its personality code. This would give it a more human-like personality, although after about 30 seconds, it is likely that most people would be able to discern that they were not communicating with a normal person. Planned improvements to Ed’s logical processes have been shelved due to pressure placed upon the programmers by the Labour Party as it was stated that the improved version did not correlate with Labour Party ideals and socialist philosophy.

    • 97
      Auto.Exec.Bat. says:

      Poor old Ed wouldn’t pass the Turing Test that’s for sure. He really is Dave’s best asset for the GE2015

  56. 92
    Lord Renhardon says:

    I keep clicking my mouse on her tits but nothing seems to happen!!

  57. 93
    Disgusted of Neasden says:

    I wonder how many autistic people spent the rest of the day pushing it and getting no action?

    Or maybe that’s a metaphor for the whole political establishment?

  58. 94
    Good Lord Fondleboys in the county of pants says:

    Wrong sort of action for me love.

  59. 96
    Mike Handlecock while watching says:

    Got anything younger?

  60. 99
    Ukip will annex the Jocks says:

    No really, I love it too fast too deep. But…… no flat lining (call 111 haha), depositing (what gold?), double dipping (sustainable growth?), flip flopping ( but we all do it, ok I’ll pay it back), whipping (whey hey, there’ll be a welcome in the hillside). Is this tax deductable?

  61. 100
    Will E Likka says:

    What weight does it normally fight at?

  62. 101
    Gaston says:

    Push to switch on the overhead camera?

  63. 102
    wight tory says:

    “Shame its not a Brown button, that one would save the world….”

  64. 103
    femmy nist says:

    twiddle my clitoris and win a top prize!!

  65. 104
    Richard Head says:

    AHH NO!!! Quick! Unpush it again!

  66. 105
    robbie says:

    “or you could just buy me a drink”.

  67. 107
    The wizz says:

    Should said button be embedded into DCM’s forehead, so we can all punch it to see what heppens?

  68. 108
  69. 109
    John Tandy says:

    Push for pergatory….

  70. 111
    I have OCD - I was born that way says:

    It’s the far away look in the eyes that tells you the lights are on but nobody is at home. “What do you want for tea Timmy, how about spaghetti hoops on toast, your favourite, yes? Might as well talk to the wall here….”

  71. 116
    Penfold says:

    Your request cannot be actioned as we are experiencing high demand levels, your request is important to us and we ask that you try again later, please note that requests for action are charged at our standard rate of £1,000 a go, whether successful or not.
    Thank you for requesting action and we are sorry that we could not assist, but please keep trying, it is important to our revenue stream that you and others request action often.

  72. 117
    What exactly is it that conservaties are conserving? says:

    If pressing this button instantly repatriated every immigrant, would you press it?

    Well would ya, punk?

  73. 119
    Caroline Pokes says:

    I’ve had more action than Silly BerCow on one of her Magaluf benders

  74. 120
    Anonymous says:

    Push for action pull-out


Seen Elsewhere

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A Dozen Reasons to Be Cheerful | John McTernan
Political Bloggers Are Equal Opportunities Attackers | ConHome
Michael Gove Should Resign | Conservative Women
Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV
Dave Stung by Jellyfish | Sun


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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)


Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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