May 15th, 2013

Private Eye Lift Dodgy Story

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(Click here to enlarge)

Well done to Private Eye for reading a story in the unpopular parts of the blogosphere, not bothering to check it, running it and subsequently discovering it was a poorly researched, lazy hatchet job with no basis in reality.

So not only second hand news, but second hand news that was wrong.

Are they even trying any more? 


  1. 1
    Owen Jones's arsehole says:

    Why do people keep interrupting when I speak?


    • 4
      JH23479238423493 says:

      It’s hard to hear you now that you are bigger than a clown’s pocket. A faint hoarse whisper is all you can manage these days, no wonder people talk over you.


  2. 2
    Private Eye says:



  3. 3
    The Sheikh Of Arabeee says:

    Private Eye is fucking shite these days.


    • 5
      Hmmmmm says:

      That’s cuz Hisloppy is a BBC boy now……


      • 13
        Down with Dave says:

        Isn’t he just? He’s become a real BBC luvvie and a Tory basher.


        • 23
          Where is David Cameron's spine says:

          He’s always been one. Only now is it becoming clear as people start to see the wood through the trees.


    • 7
      Snodgrass says:

      I subscribe to Eye but am reconsidering. All it seems to do is bash the Tories and UKIP when it’s the Left who buggered this country.

      All the more surprising as it’s run by a bunch of public schoolboys. Perhaps they are suffering the same guilt trip as the Grauniad staff.


      • 15
        Perhaps it's me says:

        I find the Eye uninteresting nowadays. I used to subscribe, but…


        • 72
          Mrs Trellis of North Wales says:

          I’m thinking of getting a subscription so that I can cancel it in disgust


      • 26
        Mitch says:

        I buy it out of habit now, sometimes I hardly read it. It hasn’t had a decent story for 10+ years.

        Hislop isn’t interested. And Cook’s widow (the owner) doesn’t understand what the magazine should be doing.


        • 45
          Hugh Who says:

          I’m never ever mentioned in it now!


        • 76

          I still like the eye and still subscribe.
          But it has become a little bit ‘yesterday’.

          Give another year’s subscription I think.

          The recent parody of Tony Blair as the millionaire, crooked, dodgy golf ball detector seller, that he says showed clear traces of WMD in Iraq, is worth the entry fee on its own.


      • 99
        Emmanuel Strobes says:

        It has always exposed corupt businesses and of course used to have left wing Paul Foot as a contributor, but in recent years seems to have adopted a mindless anti-all-business stance a la Dave Spart (it has good cartoons though).


      • 115
        Anus says:

        why would you subscribe to that shytepile?

        Hislop is just a smug twat these days


        • 120
          Dirty des says:

          Just as well we can’t subscribe and pay for greedo.

          Anyone want to buy a nearly full archive of eyes?


    • 21
      Lord Stansted says:

      All the best Private Eye reporters are here.


      • 78
        Plumb loco says:

        Quite so. I used to read it, but did not bother renewing my sub when it expired in 2003.


  4. 6
    Boring says:

    Is thre anything more tedious than Labour droning on about the millionaires…


  5. 8
    Mindboggler says:

    Fair play to them for publishing the letter.

    Not sure why Guido is so against them. They cartoons are great, the investigation is solid and there’s plenty of original content.


  6. 9
    #demented says:


  7. 10
    Tiny Tim says:

    Remember when Guido claimed Jeremy Clarkson had donated to hacked off? That was a load of bollocks too wasn’t it?


  8. 12
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “Are they even trying any more?”

    Well, it would seem that, to Guido, they’re VERY trying (*boom tish!*). Apparently they’re trying HIS patience something fierce.


    • 135
      Observer says:

      “Trying any more”? Private Eye have been failing to check stories since it started more than fifty years ago. It has made a virtue of the fact and as a result has given us many colourful libel cases and corrections. Does Guido not know that?


  9. 14
    White Van Man says:

    Do they have a page 3 tit section?


  10. 17
    Owin Jones says:

    Latest YouGov has UKIP on a 10 point lead.

    Get in there Nigel you beauty !!!


    • 19
      Bazinga! says:

      How can Labour only get 34% of the vote yet still end up with a 50 seat majority in the Commons, yet the Tories would have to get over 40% to get a 1 seat majority.


      • 31
        Gerry Mandering says:

        ‘Cos it’s fixed. The consituencies are different sizes.


        • 88
          Ed Moribund says:

          Its because of pre-re-distribution.
          We redistribute labour supporters into tiny sized constituencies to ensure progressive policies remain at the core of Britain.

          Its a friggin’ miracle we didn’t win in 2010. We used to only need a few Midlands counties to go red and we were in power.
          Then the SNP turned up and shat all over our entrenched thicko vote. So we bought in postal vote rigging balloting.
          But McDoom alienated the entire nation and cost us power.

          But, thanks to UKIP, I can win the vote next term, even if none of you, or anyone else, actually votes for me.


      • 83
        If it sounds like a bumboy and looks like a bumboy .... says:

        Shit happens – get over it.


      • 91
        Plumb loco says:

        Because those treacherous Libdumb snakes in the grass reneged on one of the main points in the Coalition Agreement to support and pass legislation changing the constituency boundaries to more equitable sizes. This was because Clegg and the rest got the ‘ump after having lost their precious AV referendum. Throwing toys out of their prams is Libdum par for the course behaviour.

        It is quite amazing that people up and down the country STILL vote for them. Somebody needs to finance a nationwide leafletting programme detailing just how treacherous these traitors to the UK are.


  11. 18
    Bazinga! says:

    I’m so glad I have been listening to BBC Radio 5 today. Now this whole Oxford R&pe thing has been cleared up.

    So basically a bunch of slaggy white trash derailed some good well behaved Mu$l1m men who loved their prophet and have never done anything wrong. This evil white trash used sex to divert them from the righteous path 1$lam teaches.

    Thank god for the BBC.

    By the way on Radio 5 right now Richard Bacon is giving alan Johnson a massive blow job live on air.


    • 43
      Bazinga! says:

      Needless to say Bacon failed to ask Johnson about the NHS murders or his links to private companies providing services to the NHS.

      Even one of the BBC business reporters stated that Bacon should ask Johnson about this, but Bacon did his classic verbal blow job on one of his beloved Labour politicians.

      Compare that to how Bacon almost spat at Jeffrey Archer when he interviewed his the other week.


      • 50
        sounds familiar says:

        Would that be the same privately-educated Richard Bacon who was caught snorting coke whilst employed a BBC children’s TV presenter?


      • 94
        Plumb loco says:

        Lovely article in my paper a few days ago. In America, some muzzie would be terrywrists had been caught and were on trial. Before passing sentence the judge asked if one of them had anything he like to say. He proceeded to berate the judge calling him all sort of names and quoting passages of the Koran at him stating that as an infidel his fate would be hellfire for eternity. The judge just sat and let him rant on and when he stopped talking, merely said “That it?” – and sent him down for 10 years without possibility of parole.

        Lovely stuff. Wish we had more like him in our wimpy corrupt judiciary.


  12. 20
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Dan Hodges on The silence of The Eds.


    • 53
      and pigs might fly says:

      Has Labour repaid the millions it owes the Co-op bank yet?


      • 65
        The Labour Party says:

        We’re sorry, must be some misunderstanding here– were we supposed to pay it back?


        • 98
          Plumb loco says:

          Did Gordy ever get a proper reprimand (and police charges – ha fucking ha) for that secret slush fund he had been running?


  13. 22
    Private Eye says:

    Exclusive: Guidogram going out shortly.


  14. 25
    Liam Byrne - Co-op Bank CEO says:

    There is no money left


    • 30
      Where is David Cameron's spine says:

      And they thought Cyprus was bust.

      How many are going to lose big on the Co-Op ? Could be the end of socialist funerals and non-Asian corner shops as we know it if they haven’t structured themselves properly.


      • 34
        Mitch says:

        Woman’s Hour this morning saying it’s legal to take dead people to the cemetery in your own car. That’d save a few quid..


        • 39
          Where is David Cameron's spine says:

          That would suggest that my ironic thesis above may actually have some basis in fact.

          Did they mention anything about DIY cremations as well ?


      • 37
        Spine Watch says:

        City of Westminster Police have issued an urgent alert to the public to be on the look out for a missing spine.

        It is believed to be easy to see, approximately 3 feet long and colored yellow. It may answer to the name of David, is attracted to the EU flag, but urge some caution as it is somewhat deceitful.

        The Conservative party are very keen for it’s safe return as their leader needs it.

        Please contact Constable Mason on the usual hotline if spotted.


    • 32
      David Camoron says:

      No money left? That’s funny, I just wrote a cheque for £53million, as I do every day, and posted it to President van Rompuy in Brussels. And I sent a few hundred million quid to Africa, so they can buy German windfarms.


      • 64
        J.M. Barosso (El Dictator-EU) says:

        And we, with other EU slaves money, have blown it all on the Mali project, yes £420 meeelllion.
        Thankyou slaves of the EUSSR, forward to the future!


    • 40
      Ed Balls says:

      We owe you £3.9m don’t forget.

      Just don’t ask for it back straight away or ever


  15. 28
    Diane Abbotapotumus says:

    I am having a masculinity crisis #growingabeard


    • 33
      Where is David Cameron's spine says:

      Is this her way of saying that she needs a shag ?


    • 57
      Gonk III says:

      Is that straightened ironed hair I see or a German helmet ?


    • 90
      Snodgrass says:

      Beeb: To tackle this “masculinity crisis” she will call for a strengthened role for fathers in family life, with father-friendly parenting classes, meaningful parental leave for men and more conversations between fathers and sons about manhood.

      The trouble is, dear Fatbott, that so many men in your neck of the woods do take parental leave, permanently, leaving gun-totin’ ho-hatin’ rappers as the main influence on their unfortunate male progeny.


    • 100
      Eddie the Beagle says:

      She puts the hippo into hypocrite.


  16. 29
    One Term Dave says:

    Is it safe to come back to the UK yet?


  17. 35
    GnosticBrian says:

    The examples referred to by the TPA are nearly all from 2013 and only one from an earlier date, November 2012. Private Eye has been highlighting corporate avoidance for more than a decade. Where were the TPA when the Mapely deal was disected in Private Eye. And, in Richard Brooks, Private Eye has someone who has first hand experience in dealing with major corporate avoidance; who does the TPA have?


    • 69
      Club Of Rome says:

      Where was Private Eye on the Awabik Grooming Gangs story? Or the under-the-radar mass immigration? Or benefit fraud? Or massive NHS death rates censored by NHS management? Or the aging BBC pedophiles?


      • 93
        Ian Dishslop says:

        Looking out of the other eye.


      • 104
        Private Eye says pay more tax so the government can waste it on even more useless shite says:

        Private Eye has no position on anything that the establishment view as politically correct.

        Private Eye does have a very strong anti-bias, on anything the establishment view as controversial, or politically incorrect.


  18. 36
    Diane Abbott and Chuka Umunna says:

    It’s demented trash.


  19. 41
    Field Marshall Abu Qatada says:

    Owen Jones brought pressure cooker into Guy News Room to make food – not bombs, says Mehdi H.


  20. 47
    Bazinga! says:

    So since 2002 the oil companies have been screwing the motorist. So Caroline Flint wanks on about the failure of this government to investigate…so Flint you fucking lefty dog who was in power for most of the time this rip off was going on?


    • 56
      it all happened on their watch says:

      A bit like Labour’s failure to deal with NHS deaths.
      The phone-hacking scandal.
      And sex-grooming gangs.


      • 107
        Plumb loco says:

        You forgot the police/publisher/pervs antics.


      • 108
        Government Watch says:

        The real scandal is that 80% of the cost of diesel and petrol is TAX. Why is nobody demanding action to cut THAT monsterous outrage against the poor, in this country?


  21. 49
    Biggles says:

    At least they have the common decency to print the complaint letter and admit their mistake.

    Private Eye produces the kind of investigative journalism that Guido can only dream of – all too often he is concerned with the private tittle-tattle of SPADs and other bloggers rather than the important matters which continuee to undermine this government and its predecessor.

    Also they bash whoever’s in power, not just the Tories.


    • 73
      Club Of Rome says:

      Private Eye just waits for tip-offs and then filters them so as to avoid upsetting the BBC and ending Hislop’s time in the sun.


      • 121
        Dirty des says:

        Must imagine the BBC barbs each week. Ditto sky/ni. Isn’t greed-doh in bed with the wrinkled dingo now?


  22. 51
    England my England says:


    • 58
      i want my country back says:

      Are these the immigrants Labour trawled the world for?


      • 61
        Helpful Suggestion says:

        Please do not use the term trawl as to trawl without knowing what you are doing can catch all the bottom feeders… Oh wait…

        Carry on.


        • 86
          Diversity Fail says:

          A lot of the immigrants who Labour trawled for, the foreign governments were quite eager to see the back of.

          It is a bit like what is going to happen when the borders open with Bulgaria / Romania next year. Whilst the folk that is yet to come will clutter the underground with accordion players, old women with missing teeth and child pick-pockets, the ones Labour picked up may start a civil war among themselves and blow up innocent people, like they did in London back in 2005.

          There is nothing to celebrate in becoming a third world dustbin for the quasi literate.

          There is a lot of work here for social services types, if they can be bothered.

          There is no benefit to the UK moral, economic, spiritual, cultural, political or any other way from Labour’s immigration policy.

          There are many negatives for all concerned.

          The ethnics who believe they are above the locals though had better get in line as history should be teaching them that the UK did invent the concentration camp, and Europe has a track record on ghettoizing undesirable sections of the population in preparation for extermination.

          They have seen the carrot. The stick is now coming.


          • Mr. Mackay says:

            This lot will need plenty of ‘stick’ I’ve done 4 tours of the shit holes in the last 10 years and have now been ‘retired’ thanks to Dave only being able to cut defense spending whilst being ‘relaxed’ about printing money for the rest of the ponzi bean fest. Be assured I’ve kept in contact with all the lads we’re not stupid and we know how to make things happen if you piss us off. We’ve been trained by the best and we fought some of the worst scum on earth. You won’t even know its done it till its done, but we really can make problems ‘disappear’ if we need to. Coming back full time to the UK just makes it clear that we’re on our own, so be it.


      • 95
        Snodgrass says:

        Well it’s diverse, and certainly vibrant. What more do you want?


        • 110
          Plumb loco says:

          Free Urdu lessons?


        • 114
          Government Watch says:

          A lot less of my nose being ‘rubbed in it’ by 7th century, violent, sexually predatory, child grooming, female genital mutilating, homophobic throwbacks ?


    • 60
      Point of Information says:

      Which Islamic borough of London was this in. Looks like a part of England familiar once upon a time…


      • 63
        Helpful Suggestion says:

        In order to be understood by a wider part of the populous, may I suggest the use of the word innit liberally inserted into the above question.


        • 66
          Point of Information says:

          I do apologize.

          I guess it could be considered discriminatory and border line racist to not include ‘innit’ hence making published text inaccessible to the enriched sections of society who have been wholly educated under nu Labour.

          Is there any diversity courses available which can help in correcting this, for example a GCSE in ‘innit’ : English for the nu Ghetto ?


      • 126
        Living in 97.1% white Merseyside says:

        It’s the Edgware Road innit?


  23. 62
    Photo Op for Dave when he gets back says:

    Someone should line up a photo op for Dave at the Stoke Mandeville spinal injuries clinic for when he gets back. That could help him reconnect with the people.


    • 123
      Sir Bummy Savlon says:

      I can arrange this for Dave just get his people to contact me via a Ouija board.


  24. 67
    Andrew says:

    Give it a rest Guido. Your out of Hislop’s league.


  25. 68
    Moral Maze says:

    Is it racist to report an Asian pimp trying to sell you an underage girl to the police ?


    • 89
      Socialist Workers Party says:

      Yes. You will be sent for diversity training.


    • 122
      Elm B & B says:

      Wouldn’t be surprised if the nonces in the sh1tty british establishment are some of their best customers.


  26. 71
    Lefties make me spew says:

    Lefties won’t say anything to condemn the muzee child grooming gang. But if just one muslim prisoner gets served pork, you can bet the leftie brigade will be up in arms about it. Child r*pe? So what? Serve a muslim bacon? Now THAT’S a serious crime!


  27. 84
    Owen Jones"The Cheekie Chappie" says:

    So the British Soap Awards are coming up.

    “And the award for the most pa*dophiles goes to…”


    • 87
      Shitty drum beat ending says:


      Doof doof doof! Doof doof, doof doof doof!


    • 102
      Down Shep says:

      But it will be interesting to see how they work out the character exit strategy. Suggestions:
      Coronation Street: Roy’s Rolls cafe accidentally makes mushroom soup with Deathcaps.
      Eastenders: It’s the BBC, so who? never heard of him, all references will be expunged.
      What will the trophy look like :-)


  28. 92
    Are We There Yet? says:

    Just sounds like more girls arguing over nothing all publications make errors. Suspect more to it than meets the eye maybe Guido had hopes of a slot in the mag that went bad when he took the NI shilling? Who knows, who really cares? If you don’t like Private Eye don’t buy it. Less tittle and more tattle please.


  29. 116
    mraemiller says:

    Surely you know by now that Private Eye’s odour morribundi is to print stories that aren’t factually correct and then moan they got sued.

    They’ve been recycling bits of other newspapers and fleet street gossip in place of satirical material, jokes or actual content for years

    There’s some good stuff in it but there’s always been “a lot of tut” (c) Alan Sugar


    • 131
      efrem zimbalist jr says:


      a lot of TAT !!!

      frankly old boy .


  30. 118
    Flatcap Army says:

    reading this week’s edition, it is becoming increasingly clear that Lord Gnome is taking dictation straight from the statist idiots over at the Tax Justice Network and are taking Richard Brooks at face value.


  31. 125
    Augusto Pinochet says:

    guido fawkes is a poor man’s private eye


    • 132
      efrem zimbalist jr says:

      ….. and you presumably have those two fellow latins from your pampas neighbour the mother of democracies generals galtieri and viola to endorse that remark do you General Pinoshit?


  32. 130
    efrem zimbalist jr says:





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