May 15th, 2013

Parliament’s Literary Secrets

The Men in Tights’ favourite method for blocking the release of awkward information about MPs is citing the Data Protection Act over and over again. Regardless of the fact that the Commons library is funded by the taxpayer, Guido has been told Parliament will not publish the names of books loaned by individual MPs over the last few months. Apparently letting the public know what MPs are doing with their money is a breach of those Honourable Members’ privacy.

Sadly, that means Guido cannot reveal the name of the curious MP who rented – and has not returned – rent boy scandal MP Mark Oaten’s “Screwing Up”, or the fact-finding digger who took out – and kept – Tim Tate’s “Child Pornography: an Investigation”. We will never know the names of the three MPs who are struggling to finish Janan Ganesh’s Osborne biography, they haven’t returned “The Austerity Chancellor” after several months’ hard work. Nor, of course, the would-be red-faced rookies who needed the low down on “How Parliament Works”, and thought it best to keep on to their copy, just in case.  As for the name of the MP who felt the need to lift “The Jew is Not My Enemy”? Guess we’ll never know if the recommendation was on the orders of Nick Clegg…


  1. 1
    Fact not Fiction says:

    Last time I didn’t return a library book it cost me a fortune. why are MPs treated differently?

  2. 2
    Moussa Koussa Mark 8 says:

    Oxfordshire County Council…..shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  3. 3
    The govemiester says:

    Thankfully nobody will ever find out who took out all the Mr Men books.


  4. 4
    A Libertarian says:

    I do not think that peoples’ reading habits are the public’s business.

    The theft of public property, however, is another matter.

  5. 5
    Coca Cola It's the real thing. says:

  6. 6
    roderick spode 7th earl of SIDCUP says:

    so it joins the still secret list of appeasers keen to help out hitler in the second world cup!

    quite right too

  7. 7
    Another libertarian says:

    We ain’t talking people, we are asking what do MPs read at work.

    Wanna fight?

  8. 8
    the common people of britain says:

    is it the vibrator setting that attracts?

  9. 9
    the common people of britain says:

    they are illiterate

  10. 10
    E Z CUM E Z GO says:

    This Kindle what you use on your many holidays, is it your own or is it one provided by the taxpayer?

  11. 11
    Diane Abbotapotumus says:

    @jbclayman Oh I forgot to mention the taxpayer funded iPad 64Gb 3G that I also use for reading 50 shades #MOIST

  12. 12
    Diane Abbotapotumus says:

    Why should I have to answer to a taxpayer when I didn’t pay any last year?

  13. 13
    The backbench MP on a London sponsored mission says:

  14. 14
    Canary Wharf Rat says:

    I bet “Atlas Shrugged” is gathering plenty of dust in there…

  15. 15
    As Abbott would say..#DEMENTED says:

    So how is Joe Sproggs from the Sheffield pipe bending company better off with a contract going to the Jacques of Paris pipe bending company Chuka?

  16. 16
    M102 says:


  17. 17
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m reading the Mr Men. It’s very prudent.

  18. 18
    SAS SNOTTYYYYY!!!!!! says:

    They were your client voters, you inbred.

  19. 19
    Lord Stansted says:

    He’s not comfortable with the street-speak. I doubt if his constituents can understand him.

  20. 20
    Owen Jones says:

    If David Cameron is listening , Is it too late to hold the referendum before Saturday’s Eurovision song contest?

  21. 21
    A primary school teacher says:

    Looking at the pictures doesn’t count as reading.

  22. 22
    Lord Stansted says:

    or atlas shagged.

  23. 23
    Ted Heaths Spidery Fingers says:


  24. 24
    Dan Hodges says:

    Speaker HAS selected the Baron EU amdt (b) to Queen’s Speech. Labour amdt (g) voted on at 7pm. EU amdt will be at 7.15pm, result 7.30pm.

  25. 25
    Ted Heaths Spidery Fingers says:

    My word that chuka chappy’s got a big clock!

  26. 26
    Ted Heaths Spidery Fingers says:

    # fat black parasite

  27. 27
  28. 28
    Leftie education consultant says:

    Yes it does. And there’s no such thing as spelling mistakes.

  29. 29
    the common people of britain says:

    jacques’ ‘is frere -bro

  30. 30
    retardEd Miliband's Parasite Party (for shirkers, not workers) says:

    Mass immigration is wonderful and vital for a glorious rich diverse multicultural Britain, which of course benefits everyone.

    Celebrate it, comrades! Celebrate it!

  31. 31
    Anonymong says:

    @ChukaUmunna We already have beneficial agreements. It is called the British Commonwealth. Common Wealth. See? FFS.

  32. 32
    A fascist bastard says:

    I think it ought to be simple to discover who pinched the books. Make a list of all of these useless bastards who can actually read (it can’t be many) and then e-mail them all to say that the book is overdue and unless returned they will be named in the next Mail on Sunday.

  33. 33
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Why the fuck should we believe anything he says or writes or twats?

  34. 34
    Razzle Beast says:

    Who keeps checking out MILF Monthly ?

  35. 35
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    And now for speakers of the Queen’s English?

  36. 36
    Lord eat lard of Ull says:

    Ay oop

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Actually, that’s probably not true. The EU puts up a tariff barrier to a great many items from outside the EU, partly to protect certain industries and products made inside the EU in specific member countries from competition.

    If EU tariff barriers can only be removed by QMV, and more than a handful of countries feel threatened by any particular external trading partner, then the tariff will stay in place and Britain cannot bypass that unilaterally.

    It is also part of the reason for our less than harmonious relationship with the old Commonwealth countries – Heath turned his back on them for the sake of European integration and trade, something which has never been forgotton.

  38. 38
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    I bet it’s not Handycock. Boaz.

  39. 39
    Bazinga! says:

    I want to know how many books on food Fartbot took out, also how many female MP’s booked out 50 Shades I wonder?

  40. 40
    the common people of britain says:

    this is wonderful 20 yrs out of date stuff

    UK & europe don’t have a valuable negotiating position – they’re just trying not to lose votes from domestic vested interests that they are currently bribing with money they’re stealing from us

    that hurts both the UK lower paid (less likely have jobs) and people in the emerging economies less agri-export jobs

  41. 41
    Point of Information says:

    Correction for the dis-honorable Mong for Streatham:

    The EU can negotiate trade deals with emerging market nations.

    The UK cannot whilst in the EU system.

    The UK will get what the EU deems, through the community method, the UK deserves and be happy with it.

    An independent UK would be able to undercut the EU and get much more favorable trade deals which would work out better for both trading partners.

    Next ?

  42. 42
    the common people of britain says:

    QMV – quim massaging vot?

  43. 43

    Mr Clever – Gove
    Mr Wrong – Balls
    Little Miss Perfect – Cooper
    Mr Greedy – Pickles
    Mr Grumble – Cable
    Mr Small – Laws
    Little Miss Scary – Eagles
    Little Miss Bossy – Harman

    Mr Jelly – Clegg
    Mr Dizzy – Cameron
    Mr Nobody – Miliband

    Mr Uppity – Gordon

    Mr Mong – Gordon Brow

  44. 44
    the common people of britain says:

    quite right sir – but the cost is to the phoney farming spongers’ handouts – none of our 4(?) main parties will face that

  45. 45
    islamic beast says:

    Most muzzies would would kick the crap out of those peados

  46. 46
    Point of Information says:

    Not to mention the tariff issue some mentioned above and the premium of tax which is used to fund the unwanted non-sovereign supra-national parasitic entity we call the EU.

    Within the EU the closest the UK can get to direct negotiated trade deals is to use EBay and buy from Ch!na.

  47. 47
    Mike Handoncock says:

    Im reading child porn

  48. 48
    The BBC causes serious mental illness says:

    Well, more people read that MoS than the Grauniad.

    We couldn’t cover this story as books are a dangerous concept for our listeners and viewers. It would confuse them.

  49. 49
    the common people of britain says:

    yes indeed – if the uk government was serious about EU fraud it could return nearly all the money destined for ‘farm’ subs to the tax-payer using the subsidiarity argument

    we would then give due regard in our food-buying to a few helpful suggestions on the net from the 2 person MinAg

  50. 50
    The BBC causes serious mental illness says:

    But their local communities turned a blind eye to what was going on for years, and those in these communities with authority did nothing about it.

    This does not exhonerate the Police, but is significant.

    There is a parallel with Savile.

    However, it is significant that these offenders were targeting children from ethnic groups outside of their own.

    That is the definition of racism.

  51. 51
    Gay Marriage Dave with a windmill up his arse says:

    The Eagle sisters ?

  52. 52

    The Crash : How one man saved the world from financial ruin.
    By Gordon Brown.

    Never been removed from library.
    Never even taken out of shrinkwrap.

  53. 53
    Anonymong says:

    A book?

    When 50 Shades was released I’ve heard that Amazon developed the Kindle Vibrate.

  54. 54
    err says:

    I cannot remember the details but it went something like this.
    EU imports sugar from African country.
    EU exports biscuits to African country.
    EU forbids import of biscuits from African country

  55. 55
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    Books borrowed from the Parliamentary Library and not returned:
    Diary of a Madman (Ed Balls)
    The Outsider (Nadine Dorries)
    One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch (Chris Huhne.)

  56. 56
    Chuka Umunna Fan Club says:

    I have returned Hartt and Wilkins’ book on the History of 15th and 16th Century Italian Art, as it unaccountably fails to mention the significant contribution of Chuka Umunna to the development of Italian visual art in the 15th, 16th and 17th Centuries. I found it a very limited book in this respect.

  57. 57
    Plumb loco says:

    It takes a lot of “Courage” to even go in the same room as that book!

  58. 58
    Plumb loco says:

    They were all very disappointed to find out it was actually the Dulux paint colour chart.

  59. 59
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I certainly am. Boaz.

  60. 60

    Parliament will not publish the names of books loaned borrowed by individual MPs…

    This is a quality blog. The standards should be kept high.

  61. 61
    Portfolio says:

    ” The Big Bang ” can mean many things….

  62. 62
    Portfolio says:

    Is this the Big Societies roll model for children..

  63. 63
    Andrew says:

    The public libraries, such of them as are left, are funded by the local taxpayer, but they won’t tell you who borrowed what either. Not even elected councillors. And quite right too.

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