May 11th, 2013

These Are Not The Jokes You Are Looking For…


321 Comments

  1. 1
    • 19
      Bernard Manning says:

      That was about as funny as a burning orphanage!

      Like

      • 27
        Gonk says:

        Apologies. Dull

        Like

        • 37
          efrem zimbalist jr says:

          THE IMMACULATELY KEPT HEDGE IN THE BACKGROUND IS MORE INTERESTING THAN GIDDY S ATTEMPT AT HUMBLE LEVITY ….

          THE REAL KICKER IS HE DID NOT REALISE HE HAD MADE A HALF HEARTED AND BAD JOCULAR ATTEMPT UNTIL THIRTY SECONDS AFTER HE SAID IT AND THE REPORTER GAVE HIM A CLUE .

          I HOPE YOU ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE MOUTH IN THE SERIOUS MEETINGS GEORGIE OTHERWISE IT IS ALL TOO CLEAR WHY WE ARE IN THE CURRENT DOO DOO .

          Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            George, ha ha ha ha haa, spliting my sides here, FUCKING NOT!

            Should said something like “The UK Government had their tasers ready to fight for this”, or something.

            Like

          • Maria Eagle MP says:

            I like a nicely trimmed bush

            Like

      • 78
        Bernard was a legend says:

        Like

        • 215
          selfharm. says:

          .
          .
          self.harm precedes the greatest act of creation.
          childbirth.
          worldwars
          911=2=the all knowing person at peace.
          .
          muslims are into self harm.

          Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            George is as funny as being bummed by a BBC children’s TV presenter.

            Like

        • 244
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          Anyone seen Frankie Boyle on The Kaiser Report yet from yesterday? Well you have now. Frankie at his best, as usual,

          Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            The first half of The Keiser Report was good too, where Max declares his Scottish ancestry, and gets very excited at the end, when he says if the Scots go Indie, they eventually will be able to come to London and buy Buckingham Palace, and some football clubs, when oil reaches $500 a barrel,

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Max Kaiser = fraud.

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Kaiser = Genius through the plastic capitalistic fog.

            Like

  2. 2
    Daft Vader says:

    When Labour were in power all we got was Loony Tunes. That’s all folks!

    Like

  3. 3
    osborne watch says:

    How much is this joke costing us?

    Like

  4. 6
    labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

    I get the impression that the backlash (on the TV at least) against UKIP and what it stands for has started in ernest.
    They now realize that direct attacks on either Farage, UKIP or its supporters is counter productive, so they are attacking from a different angle.

    Last week it was kicked off by the decrepit old champagne socialist with an hour long spectacle about the old lie “Global warming’ masquerading as news, this old trope has now been picked up and run with (again) in a new push across the networks, while at the same time reporting that cameron is surrounding himself with climate change sceptics. What this seems to do is attack UKIP while at the same time boost the liblabcon position.

    Second front opening up is the conservatives are not that bad, by the reporting of not the double-dip in positive terms added to which the Bbbc, through the agency of that other decrepit old champagne socialist (I got the) humphrys, who is saying how the economy is not doing too badly after all. The effect of which is to, hopefully, calm the nerves of some of those jittery rouge voters out there and sned them back to the fold.

    Expect more on positive reports on cameron – and by extension the left – fighting both the EU and immigration.

    Like

    • 17
      yawn... says:

      ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

      Like

    • 24
      As It Is says:

      UKIP have joined the bear pit and are about to have thick chunks ripped out of them. Are they ready?

      Like

      • 57
        Vote conservative for uncontrolled immigration says:

        I think its UKIP who are ripping up the LibLabCon…

        Like

        • 207
          I Remember You Hoo says:

          +1

          The more the LabLibCon and their poodles try, the more they fail, because all of them do not understand why people are breaking free from the lying class.

          Like

          • Village Idiot says:

            They can attack UKIP all they like,but it will not change the message….
            The message being,”leave the EU and run our own affairs as an independent United Kingdom”..It’s not about individuals!!

            Like

    • 30

      Ernest is going to be really pissed off when he realises that.

      Like

    • 33
      Vote Conservative for uncontrolled immigration says:

      The big secret that LibLabCon don’t want you to know about.
      How easy it is for us to leave…….

      Shushhhssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhsshhhhhhhh

      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/eureferendum/10050582/EU-referendum-The-solution-to-this-EU-mess-lies-in-Article-50.html

      Like

      • 53
        Chay says:

        The BBC and Guardian may have finally realised they’re losing the argument.
        Labelling everyone who questions Labour’s appalling open- door policy on immigration as a racist has proved to be counter-productive.
        Constant attacks on the Tories economic policies,stating we’re in a triple dip recession when we haven’t even approached a double dip, has proved to be counter productive.
        And the lies about global warming have finally been realised for what they are.
        The British public have woken up- they don’t want to be swamped by immigrants and told they can’t discuss the issue.They don’t want Britain to be bankrupted by tax and spend economic policies and they don’t want to fork out for crap wind farms that spoil the countryside.

        Like

        • 208
          I Remember You Hoo says:

          Shhh, don’t say that, you’ll upset lying Dave and his bosom buddy, EU Nicky.

          Like

      • 229
        I can remember when the Telegraph used to be serious newspaper - now it's no better than a comic says:

        And still the lies and deception continue.

        The only people talking about leaving Europe are the likes of US tourists on their way home. UKIP are talking about leaving the EU, that most monstrous of CRIMINAL organisations which supplanted the Mafia and aims to reduce all its member nations to poverty in order that its bosses can lord it over us in luxury.

        http://bit.ly/18TlsIF

        Like

    • 61
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Why would the media destroy what it has created?

      Like

      • 104
        labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

        I think it (the broadcasters) has been thrown by the UKIP vote, they are so much part of their own conversation that they really don’t hear or believe that either ordinary folk or ‘right wing nut jobs’ can say or know anything that is prescient or interesting that they have genuinely been wrong footed.

        So now they are adopting kind of knee jerk, off the cuff program to restabilise the mother (auntie/big brother) ship.

        Reading some of Alan’s posts and the comments on Biased BBC since writing this I am even more convinced that this push is on as the front on the EU has also already begun.

        Like

        • 109
          Anonymous says:

          It is like those sad people that abruptly change the subject of the conversation when it enters dubious territory. Some people just cannot accept that reality differs from their imagination. They must revert to type immediately to stabilize their beliefs. If this does not work blind panic sets in, and they will throw out some extreme statements. Watch out for diversionary attacks on innocent individuals.

          Like

  5. 8
    Luke Skyscrapper says:

    The farce is with us

    Like

  6. 10
    Brown out & pay me damages. Respect my legal rights. says:

    Better than Dennis Skinners efforts.

    Like

  7. 11
    Gordon Brown says:

    George, I am your father.

    Like

  8. 12
    Jar Jar Binks says:

    Do dat mean me gets de chance to come back an’ be a disguised West Indian stereotype? Mon, me hopin’ Diane Abbott don’ get her knickers in a knot!

    Like

  9. 14
    Vote Tory, get heir to Blair says:

    Don’t give up your part-time job.

    Like

  10. 16
    grand moff tarkin says:

    So, this makes us the equivalent of tunisia in the 1970s then.
    Is that the best this govt can do ?…

    Like

  11. 21
    Master Soda says:

    Spending leads to borrowing. Borrowing leads to debt. Boom leads to bust. Debt leads to the dark side. Much to learn you have young George.

    Like

  12. 22
    Tanya Hyde says:

    George Osborne is the greatest!

    Like

  13. 23
    Bazinga! says:

    Gordon Brown appears pissed off

    Like

  14. 25
    Gordon Brown says:

    I know a good joke, but I can’t remember my own name, which is the punch line.

    Like

  15. 29

    Does anyone have a translation of what Ed Miliband’s speech means?

    Like

    • 32
      A Cunning Linguist says:

      Yes, but only for a fee.

      Like

    • 36

      You’ll need a translator in Marxist/English. They’re difficult to find because Marxism is a dead language spoken by only a few Union Bosses and a small rump of Guardianistas

      Like

      • 63

        If only they were as (comparatively) sensible as Marx, grumpyoldmanuk! He was not a complete idiot, of course, he was logically coherent although many most of his theories were found to be faulty when put into practice.

        What they did was to read his thoughts in a literal way, much as Mormons and Plymouth Brethren read the book of Genesis.

        Worse still, whilst they could see quite clearly the ghastly results, they refused to believe that their hero could be wrong. It is not good practice in human affairs to fail to recognise where mistakes occur.

        Like

    • 41
      Engineer says:

      Well, I’m no expert at polispeak, but roughly translated it says;

      Rhubarb, rhubarb

      Blah, blah,

      One Nation,

      Blah, rhubarb.

      Blah.

      Like

    • 64
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Ed Miliband’s speech is code for tax and spend like never before.

      Like

    • 231
      The Wrong Miliband says:

      I have no idea.

      Like

  16. 34
    efrem zimbalist jr says:

    GEORGE OSBORNE PAY ATTENTION

    A GEORGE BURNS YOU’ RE NOT ….

    HELL… YOU’ RE NOT EVEN A GEORGE FORMBY !!!

    Like

    • 38

      He’s from oop north and has a cheeky grin – what more do you want?

      Like

      • 43
        Engineer says:

        He’s not from oop north. ‘Eed ‘ave learnt ter speak proper laike, if ‘ee were.

        Like

        • 56

          You don’t really speak like that and thee/thou everyone, surely? :-)

          Like

          • Engineer says:

            ‘Thee’ and ‘thou’ are not so frequently heard as they once were, true enough; but there is still a distinct difference in accent between Westminster and north Cheshire. Mr Osborne’s dulcet tones are distinctly closer to Westminster than the natives of north Cheshire, though, to be fair, a fair percentage of Tatton’s residents do speak a more received version of English than wot us plebs do.

            Like

          • I have only heard estuarine emitting from George’s mouth in recent years. That expensive education and he has had to tone down his accent! They are also taught to enunciate from the chest rather than from the mouth but he has reversed that as well. It gives a much higher register than the deep sonorous tones of a proper Eton School accent.

            Like

        • 65
          (I don't need no doctor) says:

          Engineer, you are no John Mann.

          Like

  17. 39
    Truth said says:

    Now we know who really is a joke it is Osbourne not UKIP.

    Like

    • 219
      selfharm. says:

      the genius of the koka is to look a koka.
      .
      the english love a good joke.

      Like

    • 298
      efrem zimbalist jr says:

      OZZIE OSBORNE SAYS :

      ANY CONNECTION ACTUAL OR IMPLIED BETWEEN MY ROCK GOD PERSONA AND THIS EXCUSE FOR A COMEDIAN WHO CURRENTLY HEADS UP THE UK TREASURY IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND ANY ATTEMPTS TO NEGATE THIS WILL BE MET WITH A COMMUNICATION FROM MY LEGAL TEAM.

      ( AND I LL SEND SHARON ROUND — THE BOOT —- SORRY —TO– REPEAT TO— BOOT )

      Like

  18. 40
    Should Have Had a Flutter says:

    The 8-1 outsiders just beat the favourites in the FA Cup final, playing on a level playing field. Anyone know what UKIP’s odds are at the next election?

    Like

  19. 48
    reports from the rear says:

    a new coffee bar opened in liverpool for the under-12’s

    its called TARBUCKS

    Like

  20. 52

    @Guido

    Keep away from that Selkie.

    She is only after your body. They don’t realise we have minds as well.

    Like

  21. 54
    Saffron says:

    Just took the time to read through Millipedes speech to the Progress Conference,reading that absolute meaningless crap brought me close to throwing up.
    The man is a cretin,in all of his one nation b-ll-cks ramblings anyone who takes a realistic view will be able to see the man is clueless.
    He wanders around in the speech with his many idea’s but where are the answers.
    For instance,we will provide jobs and apprenticeships for the unemployed,pray tell me Millipede from where?.
    Banking
    Service
    Manufacturing
    Public Service.
    I would suggest that these jobs he waffles on about would be in public service paid for by private sector taxpayers.
    The old adage of Liebour always run out of spending other peoples money is as true now as it has always been under a Liebour government.

    Like

    • 60
      Eh says:

      If Milliband can’t even get his own nose sorted, how is he going to sort the problems his party created?

      Like

      • 99
        Saffron says:

        To 59.
        His nose is not the problem,the nose is cosmetic the brain is not and he can’t get another it’s with you for life and it does deteriorate.
        Seems to be it’s on a faster track relative to him.

        Like

      • 254
        Ed's hooter says:

        The Co-Op is to blame. It started in Rochdale.

        Like

    • 62
      Vote conservative for uncontrolled immigration says:

      As utterly sh1t as Millitwat is and as much as I hate him and wouldnt piss in his mouth if he asked me to..

      I still think he’s better than CaMoron.

      Why ?

      At lease Ed believes his own bull sh1t…

      CaMoron believes in nothing, he has no ideology, he just lies.

      Like

      • 70
        Margaret Thatcher RIP says:

        No no no

        Like

      • 72
        A native of Androidia says:

        Muсh аѕ І dеѕріѕе bоth Саmеrbаnd аnd Mіlіоn, frоm уоur рrеmіѕеѕ І’d drаw thе орроѕіtе соnсluѕіоn. Реорlе whо bеlіеνе hаνе gіνеn uѕ Іѕlаm, thе Sраnіѕh Іnquіѕіtіоn, Sоνіеt соmmunіѕm, Νаzіѕm …

        Like

      • 105
        Saffron says:

        To 61
        You think that that communist asshole is better than Cammoron.
        Your title says it all,uncontrolled immigration happened under the Cons watch,think again the country and it’s dog knows that it happened under Bliars/Gordooms watch and we are now paying heavily for their crap.
        Might I suggest that have you ever heard of a lobotomy.

        Like

    • 69

      I have analysed it mathematically.

      It reduces to 0=0. i.e., Tautologous.

      No new information is thereby derived.

      Like

  22. 73
    Richard Timney says:

    Tonight I’m watching Star Whores: The Empire Licks Crack.

    Like

  23. 74
    Labour says:

    Jar Jar Binks was Thatcher’s fault.

    Like

  24. 80
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    Like

    • 212
      Do you get it yet? says:

      Don’t worry too much Nick, Dave’s Fauxservative party still wuve you.

      In Lincolnshire the Fauxservative party have gone into coalition with 3 Lib-Dem’s, rather than form a coalition with the second biggest party in the county council UKIP, who have 17 elected members.

      Like

  25. 81
    Proof that Osborne's plan is Trash says:

    Like

  26. 85
    Yoda says:

    Being funny not good at is George Osborne.

    Like

    • 98
      The real Yoda says:

      Grammar standards slipping, they are.

      Good at being funny George Osborne is not. Yes, hmmm?

      Like

      • 102
        Darth Vader says:

        I find your lack of hygiene disturbing.

        Like

      • 125
        Hugh-Seamus, stereotypical "Stage Irishman," says:

        “Grammar standards slipping, they are.”

        Eh bejesus, ’tis like a mick yer soundin’, boyo! And ’tis a wee swig o’ me Bushmills ye’ll be wanting next, I bet! Now g’wan with ye, ye little bat-eared leprechaun ye, or ye’ll face a drubbin’ from me trusty shillelagh, ye will!

        Like

  27. 87
    Keeping the British end up says:

    Excellent. Osborne is winning for Britain, delivering jobs and high value Hollywood productions.

    Sterling stuff!

    Like

  28. 88
    Jawa says:

    Ootini!

    Like

  29. 89
    A Spokesmen for Ed Miliband said: says:

    Românii sunt binevenite pentru a pretinde beneficii

    Like

  30. 91
    Luke Skyscrapper says:

    Osborne announces a new austerity Star Wars move, The Return Of Jed Clampett.

    Like

    • 137
      Jed Clampett, a poor mountaineer, says:

      That will barely keep my family fed; I might have to go out shooting at some food.
      Maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll wind up like one of these folks, and up through the ground will come bubbling crude– oil, that is. Black gold, Texas tea:

      If it does, I’m loading up the truck and moving to Beverly– Hills, that is. Swimming pools, movie stars. I’m not going to be hanging around with these bumpkins much longer– wheeeee dawgies, they’re dumb-ass rubes!

      Like

  31. 97
    Mrs T says:

    No No No

    Osborne is more like Rimmer from Red Dwarf.

    and Milliand just is a red dwarf, intellectually.

    Like

  32. 107
    Ed's speech: Translated says:

    I believe in One Nation,

    (

    
    _  _ ____ ___ ____    _  _ _  _ _ ___     _  _ ____ ___    _  _ ____ 
    |  | |  |  |  |___    |  | |_/  | |__]    |\ | |  |  |     |  | [__  
     \/  |__|  |  |___    |__| | \_ | |       | \| |__|  |     |__| ___] 
    
    

    )

    blah rhubarb, One Nation.

    Thank you.

    Like

  33. 118

    Final score

    Schrödinger’s cat 1 – Socialists and Trolls 0

    Good night and God bless you all

    Like

    • 123

      I don’t do God. Rather like your hero, troll.

      Like

      • 130
        The neo nuts looney toons says:

        Errrr. Expats ( none uk tax payer ) 1
        Troll 0

        Like

        • 213
          Do you get it yet? says:

          Jesus are you THAT stupid? Tax is theft, did you not get the memo? Let me help you shit for brains,

          “Tax is a “pecuniary burden laid upon individuals or property owners to support the government […] a payment exacted by legislative authority.” A tax “is not a voluntary payment or donation, but an enforced contribution, exacted pursuant to legislative authority” and is “any contribution imposed by government […] whether under the name of toll, tribute, tallage, gabel, impost, duty, custom, excise, subsidy, aid, supply, or other name” – Black’s law dictionary.

          Like

  34. 122
    Saffron says:

    Millipede the marxist sprog of Ralph will try and pursue this discredited dogma as told by his backer red mc cluskey.
    One day they will smell the coffee and realise that the dream is gone and with it eventually the Liebour party and it’s horrible exsistence.
    Communism had in terms of time a short life and good riddance to it and so say all of us in Russia were we are now living better.

    Like

    • 155
      Point of Information says:

      Let us hope that the nu-communist attempt known as the EU vanishes even sooner.

      Like

  35. 129
    The neo nuts looney toons says:

    This has wank stain lydon cosby written all over it

    Major parts of the first 3 ( parts 4 5 and 6 ) were made in the UK .

    Sheperton, Elstree etc

    Like

  36. 131
    The neo nuts looney toons says:

    The next few star war releases will be shit then

    Menance — awful

    Like

  37. 132
    The neo nuts looney toons says:

    Poor guido

    The tax avoiders net is tightening

    Ha ha

    Comin to get ya paddy boy….

    Like

  38. 135
    HMS Britannia says:

    Bill Cash on the key vote that effectively calls for Mr Cameron’s pledge to have an in/out referendum on Europe in 2017 to be put into law.

    “David Cameron would be cheered to the rafters not just in the Conservative Party but by millions of people around the country if he held an EU referendum before 2015. I am certain that if he did so it would deliver victory at the next general election.”

    The very fact that Dave will not do so tells you all you need to know on whose sailing this ship.

    Like

    • 143
      The neo nuts looney toons says:

      You are mentally ill

      First it isnt going to happen

      And if it did cock boy would campaign to stay in

      ….and the stay in vote would win

      …what a eu loonyou are hms

      Like

      • 216
        Do you get it yet? says:

        A referendum under Cameron is a complete waste of time and money.

        He has already stated that if any vote were to be for leaving the EU, he would ignore it.

        Like

    • 147
      Mark Longhurst Labour Party card carrier says:

      The sky newsreader tonight Mark Longhurst reckons no one is interested in Europe except tory MPs.

      He takes an anti Tory stance every weekend in the graveyard shift.

      Like

    • 292
      Educating the ignorant says:

      That should be “who’s sailing this ship”, not “whose sailing”.

      Like

  39. 136
    Where's Gordon? says:

    Like

    • 138
      Has gordon shaved off? says:

      “My garden”.

      Have they separated?

      Like

      • 146
        The neo nuts looney toons says:

        You must be under 25

        ALL women use -my -.. They just do

        You might laern this one day

        Like

        • 183
          Bloke #3727261 says:

          This is indeed true.

          Like

        • 287
          JH3983924239 says:

          Unless they are talking about something that belongs to the bloke.

          Then they use ‘Our’.

          Like

          • efrem zimbalist jr says:

            instead of planting bee seeds why don t you grow something
            useful sarah ??

            like a rack of prime young veal chops .

            you remember the ones you refused to eat at a silvio berlusconi dinner that you attended with mcmanse as pm .

            you refused on the basis you thought the little darling veal calves had been abbatoired at too young an age .

            so ok to chomp on mature beef for the sunday roast but not veal terminated at 12 months …..go figure .

            Like

    • 154
      Enemy Combatant says:

      Surely attracting things into the proximity of the Cursed One will only lead to trouble?

      Like

  40. 142

    So the lesson we take away from today’s discussions is that most people here do not want other people telling them what to do.

    Reduce taxes and keep out of our lives, unless really necessary. Not difficult, is it?

    Like

    • 148
      The neo nuts looney toons says:

      Errrrrrrrrrrrr. What has this got to do with you expat

      You are out of uk lives…so feck off

      Like

    • 150
      Anonymous says:

      “keep out of our lives” said Schrödinger’s cat.

      I think you want to be unobserved, otherwise you are forced to occupy one state.

      Like

      • 164
        The neo nuts looney toons says:

        Mr151

        Like

        • 165
          The neo nuts looney toons says:

          S cat isnt livin in the uk

          Thats a fact

          He is one of those expat fucks

          Like

          • who has noose 4u. says:

            the f.act is an act.

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Neo: I hate to have to explain, but look up “Schrödinger’s cat”. It was a experiment on taking to absurd limits a theory, based on observation.

            As an ex-expat myself I ask you not to knock them, they come back to this country with fresh eyes, and see the indoctrinated subdued people in the squalor of their own making. It is time the people saw that the propaganda and lack of justice here is being used for the material gain of a few.

            Like

    • 161
      Point of Information says:

      This bruhaha with taxes is wholly down to teh EU and the drawing up of tax rules.

      In summary: They passed the law allowing corporations to register in one state, only pay tax in that state, but operate freely in all.

      Tax arbitrage obviously followed, leaving multi-billion turn overs in the UK being taxed at virtually 0% in places like !reland and Luxembourg.

      Exit the EU, that tax revenue will return here.

      This is the strongest and yet not strongly emphasized fiscal / economic argument for Brexit.

      Like

      • 166

        f8ck off 8illy Kebab

        Like

        • 171
          Point of Information says:

          Ignoring the EU sponsored troll ^

          Pathetic: To think that this is best those filthy child abusers across the channel can come up with. ** Shakes head in disbelief **

          Like

      • 169
        Point of Information says:

        Oh, and we are paying GBP 50m / day in order to lose several billion in tax / year for this.

        A major part of why the treasury is not recovering, compounded by the recent Labour spending splurge and failure of Osborne to shrink government expenditure.

        Like

  41. 145
    The News says:

    Leader of the opposition Owen Jones has ruled out a referendum.

    Like

  42. 151
    The neo nuts looney toons says:

    I see jim davidon.

    Was popular in the fucklands

    Errrr. Didnt the thach witch dispatch him at our expense to sheepville

    Like

    • 152
      The neo nuts looney toons says:

      …to partake in his activities

      Like

      • 204
        or even says:

        You don’t ‘partake in’ – you ‘participate in’. Partake does not mean take part.

        Not to worry….it’s only English. Won’t matter ac damn when everyone is speaking Urdu.

        Like

    • 157
      The News of the MET says:

      Seems to me that the plod have taken over the sex scandal sensational without any evidence from the News of the world.

      Like

  43. 160
    The neo nuts looney toons says:

    Ukip coucillors are like the gays

    They have little or no representatives in the uk

    But they are all over the tv radio and nedia

    Like

    • 185
      Bloke #3727261 says:

      Under British law, what is the name of the role you think would represent a councillor?

      Can it be that you do not know what the fuck you are whining about?

      Like

  44. 170

    I am to be bed – sleep doesth beckon
    Good night and God bless
    Tomorrow I will return

    Like

    • 173
      The neo nuts looney toons says:

      Return….to the uk…..those of us who actual live here have the rigth to comment on issues that affect the uk….you dont

      Like

      • 174
        The neo nuts looney toons says:

        Right

        Like

        • 178

          I don not care nor concern about your woes.
          Mine is a life that I lead, and you may only enter why I permit.
          I am to bed, and do not permit until the morn.

          Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Nothing to see here NONE of your business

            Like

          • @Anonymong

            This time I am in agreement with you.

            I had switched my computer off by 11:46 and at 12:01 I was out of it and in the land of nod. The entries of those times are thus not by me.

            The attempts to emulate my written style are comical and it is the first time I have seen my trolling fan club pay heed to punctuation, unfortunately with predictably disastrous consequences. You should never place a comma before the word and!

            Like

      • 228
        Moron Watch says:

        Every time you comment you make the non-resident Guido a bit richer.

        Like

  45. 175
    dandruff eyes says:

    Like

  46. 177
    The neo nuts looney toons says:

    Jim davidon and thefucklands…and guido has no thread

    The blogg of tittle tat….not. !!!

    Like

  47. 179
    The neo nuts looney toons says:

    A Falklands police spokesman said: “The Falkland Islands government have been made aware of allegations made against Jim Davidson.

    …The spokesperson then went back to milking his sheep……and the uk tax payer

    Like

  48. 180
    Labour celebrates suicide says:

    Like

    • 181
      Point of Information says:

      Well, if they couldn’t spin bedroom tax to get her, Andy Burnham would have tried his hardest with the NHS.

      Perchance, was she found in the woods with some asprin and a small cut on her wrist ?

      Like

    • 184
      Anonymous says:

      Errrrrrrr not celebrating

      But YOU caused it !!!

      Like

    • 188
      Bloke #3727261 says:

      You are a fat cΰnt Watson.

      Like

    • 196
      Will No-One Rid Us Of This Corpulent Beast? says:

      He MUST know how tasteless it is, for him especially, to be sending this Tweet out– but of course, it will now be a talking point for all the Hard-Leftie types out there that Tories Kill Grannies, this, on the heels of the (specious) reports that suicide is increasing in recent years. This, from a man who probably would have punched his own grandmother squarely in the mouth if she ever said she voted Tory. But of course, if anyone has to take one for the team on the “How dare you crassly exploit this woman’s death for your political advantage?”-front, you’d figure it’d be old Tommy Boy. Like he cares about whether people think he’s a smug little (well, maybe not “LITTLE”…) opportunistic shit.

      Like

      • 211
        fucked up fatson says:

        How about the two imports sentenced to 6 years apiece last week for killing an old lady to get the contents of her handbag.

        Does he blame liebores policy of unlimited im migration for her death?

        Like

    • 199
      Silver Lining says:

      Cheer up Tom, that will be a freed up council house for a family of eight labour voting third worlders with 67 postal votes come 2015.

      Like

    • 230
      Anonymous says:

      Lefties trying to make politics out of a suicide. Twisted cvnts. There’s nothing that links her suicide with the reduced bedroom subsidy.

      Like

    • 240
      Labour trawl the depths says:

      Very sad…BUT you cannot categorically claim that having lost £20 per week would have caused this…it was probably the last straw but undoubtedly there will have been other underlying issues that caused this lady to take her own life.

      To make political capital out of this sad event is despicable

      Like

    • 289
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      I don’t do tweeting but could someone tweet Watson and ask him how HMRC collects the bedroom tax. I bet the fat twat won’t reply

      Like

  49. 191
    Anonymous says:

    111 call it

    Nhs direct was working perfectly fine

    But typical nut fucks had to change it….just for change sake

    Like

  50. 194
    Hi. I'm Barry Scott says:

    Yes, loads of jobs.

    Just unfortunate that none of them will be for indigenous British, all for imported cheap foreign labour and that Lucas Films have been given massive tax breaks to film here.

    Plus, I imagine Gideon’s mates have secured many of the lucrative UK contracts for this film.

    Foxtrot Oscar Gideon.

    Like

  51. 195
    Dreaming 'Dave' says:

    I’m sleeping peacefully, – knowing my future is safe in the €USSR with Anjalar and Herr Comrade Pumpy

    Like

  52. 197
    Hmmm says:

    So the UK government negotiates on behalf of the film industry now?

    Here’s a radical idea: if rent-seeking public sector parasites didn’t tax the fuck out of everything, maybe folks would make films in the UK without requiring backroom deals with career bureaucrats.

    Oh and FYI Gideon, the economic benefit of the Star Wars films is … the Stars Wars films. Everything else is redistributive. The cost of production is not a benefit.

    Like

  53. 200
    albacore says:

    Out-takes of the Chancellor having a laugh
    Is that all they’ve got left to con the riff-raff?
    A wicked sense of humour and winning grin
    Yeah, right – that’ll fix the deep plight that we’re in

    Like

    • 201
      Not Owen Jones, peoples poet to the stars says:

      A shift in perception nationwide is afoot,
      Scraping the barrel with outtakes shows confusion to boot,
      The broadcasters know not, which way to turn next,
      As the public have tuned out of their propaganda text.

      Like

      • 234
        albacore says:

        Maybe it’s more than just perception that’s changed
        And dumb acceptance of being rearranged
        Beyond recognition by forced enriching
        Is one dead duck that fed-up folks are ditching

        Like

  54. 205
    Jimmy says:

    Attack of the Clowns

    Like

  55. 224
    Labour exploit suicide. says:

    I suppose it was only a matter of time that Labour would find a Mrs Tickle.

    Like

  56. 225
    Leftist Calls proper thinking people racists. says:

    Young lefty paper reviewer on Sky says anyone who objects or even questions the existence of all black state schools is a racist.

    Well Mr Lefty, closing down an argument by shouting racist is fascist and all one race schools are the racist thing.

    Like

    • 227
      Pawn Sandwich says:

      Used to be called apartheid. The separation of the races. It seems the left think its ok.

      Like

      • 282
        Realist says:

        It was only a matter of time. And separate development is probably the best and safest way forward.

        Like

  57. 232
    Bill Cash says:

    Please don’t underestimate the backbench revolt against Prime Minister david Cameron against the EU>

    30 and growing.

    Like

    • 239
      You couldn't make it up !!! says:

      According to to-day’s Sunday Times allegedly an aide to Cameron(some say even Cameron himself) overheard Tom Baldwin speaking on mobile to Miliband early in January saying “THIS will deliver a big punch !” and assumed from putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 that they were talking about Miliband announcing that Labour would hold an in/out referendum if they were elected in 2015 and thus the “Cameroons” in a panic got “Dave” to rush forward his announcement on offering a referendum without thinking it through. Baldwin has since denied the conversation. No doubt Baldwin was actually discussing how much “Red Bull” to order for the Labour Party New Year Party but it’s indicative of the amateurish advisors that Cameron has around him…certainly an “Eton Mess” and no mistake. Meanwhile Miliband and Labour are quietly chuckling to themselves. Miliband can allow the Tories to disintegrate and then in the run up to the election in 2015 offer a referendum

      Like

      • 241
        FUCK the LibLabCon says:

        … the result of which he would then ignore – just like Cameron.

        Like

        • 245
          Nigel Farage says:

          Come on now,Bill,don’t be modest,this backbench revolt will finish off Cameron.

          “Tory ministers are being advised to abstain in a Commons vote on the failure to introduce laws guaranteeing a referendum on the UK’s EU membership, a Downing Street source has confirmed.

          It is thought about 100 backbench MPs could oppose government policy.”

          Like

          • Ed Milliband says:

            I Agree!

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Cameron is like a lost lamb with all this EU gobshite talk, he doesn’t know which way he is facing. We are in the EU and there is no way we can possibly afford to leave it now. Anyone who thinks different is deluded and needs locking up in a padded room.

            Show some proper judged leadership on this Cameron, you total absolute clown.

            Like

          • FUCK the LibLabCon says:

            There is no way that we can afford NOT to leave the EU, Mr Troll.

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            And when Scotland leaves, what then? That will be a good wedge gone out of the coffers in the treasury also.

            Like

          • Village Idiot says:

            “The Barnet Formula”

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Produced by and approved by SE English, you Village Idiot plonker. You don’t get it do you? GO INDIE SCOTLAND, don’t be masochistic anymore, supporting the English torys to whip you constantly, I say,

            Be strong, be self-determined, be independent. Fuck the SE Torys fucking you up constantly.

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            George One, the Hanovarian English Royal puppet with George two the fat fuck suddenly appearing on the field of battle, when all is said and done, with his French and German Rhineland mercenaries well paid, CANOES!

            What do say Ollie Reed, who once pissed on the Austrian flag, after tearing it off one of their pub walls, when he was acting in Hannibal Brooks, in the Alps, BC Canada, just up river from old very old Vancouver, when it was mere just a spit on our World map,

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            CANOES = the cee word, when I attempt to be polite.

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            My daughter scuba dives in Oz appearing in here somewhere – with scarey huge turtles and sharks, she sends me photos now and again, and I thought I was mad, never thought I would produce kittens, worrying…

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            She surfs too, as I taught her, so it my fault to introduce her to the sea, born in Mayday Hospital, Croydon, it is obviously my fault, taught her to swim like a fish by the time she was three – last time we went surfing together in West Wales, she shamed me, and the local lads were sniffing her butt like nobodies business, until I got the shitty stick out and told them to keep away.

            As I said somewhere, she is in Oz at the moment, and has no plans to come back, since they simply love her there – has sponsors lining up to sign her Oz Green Card,

            Christ, 22 she is, saving up for the Qantas ticket as we speak for the wedding, invariably.

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Her middle name should have been Loana, not Louise,

            Yes lad, the one that captures her eye, you will do OK.

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            ok ok, taught her mother to give her middle name Louise, since it sounded like Loana.
            .
            .
            Down below tide I dive,
            to find abouts.
            Another life lived us all,
            not us trouts.

            Oxygen supplied tanked,
            into our lungs,
            Looking at life dolphined,
            full of mongs.

            Like

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Speak to Oz mates like Marnie, Penelope Anii ‘nJon on facelessbook to check up and send me reports how she is doing there, and they all said everywhere she goes, they just simply love her – song for my Siân, an don’t worry love, I an full still her for you, don’t doubt it at all, after all the bullcrap – song for you my Siân bach,

            Like

      • 250
        Oh FFS! says:

        Sunday Times still shilling for Liebour. Murd0ch destroyed that paper. Tom Baldwin is ex-Times and I suspect has fed this tripe into them.

        Like

  58. 236
    Owen Jones"The Cheekie Chappie" says:

    No-one messes with the Sisko.

    Like

  59. 246
    No moss at the cliff-face says:

    Source in Operation Yewtree says officer will leave ‘no stone unturned’

    Like

  60. 247
    Andy Burnham says:

    One suicide makes a thousand anecdotes.

    Like

  61. 251
    Number Crunching says:

    A single death is a tragedy, 20,000+ is just an NHS statistic.

    Like

  62. 256
    Gove Bomb says:

    Gove drops a bombshell.

    Cleggmeister is being manipulated by Oakeshott. What everyone knows but only Gove has said it openly.

    Like

    • 261
      Bill Cash says:

      How about this then ?

      Gove confirms he’ll abstain on EU ref amendment to Queens Speech. But more importantly says if referendum held now, he’d vote to quit EU.

      Get in there Michael !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Like

      • 263
        Gove the thinking man's politician says:

        err that’s not new news Bill. Gove has always maintained the same views on the EU.

        Impressive interview by him though.

        Like

      • 301
        Blowing Whistles says:

        C Booker has today (Sunday) rightly pointed out the ‘trick’ that some e.g Lawson have employed to get themselves ‘coverage’ for shouting that they would leave the EU ‘if there were a vote’ – but Lawson is playing the dirty ‘dupe em’ card ‘cos he is assured prominence but to only attempt to get dissenting tories back into their fold.

        btw I notice that Peter Hichens has written a telling piece today about the ‘busted world of quackery / snake oil salesmen’ i.e. that book called ‘Cracked’ which I gave a little mention of last monday [6th May – bastard Blairs 60th birthday!!] …

        … which reminds me – Let’s look at the Cherie / Tony charitable foundations and a $1 million dollar bung (Charitable Aid) from the US government to the pair of grubbing legal shysters. The Charity Commission in the UK IS infested with commie placemen (13 years to get them placed there) of the Common Purpose kind … I’m not going to mention the dirty placemen at every Land Registry office in the UK for the moment though but it includes the the legal shysters hiding in the Scottish version of the Land Registries. Oh and what of that story in the Sunday Post – Communism / Plod interrogation / Argyll and Bute Council < They know a lot about The Sterling Park Bully boy outfit and the bent Bailiffs in Scotland too.

        Sue Reid did a good piece on saturday (the ughmm Mail) save for telling a porky pie implying that Bill Bache is to be trusted (I wouldn't trust Hemming MP as far as I could throw him also) – he's a two-faced bastard and his barrister Daughter Abigail ain't no better.

        Justice for Daniel Morgans family – not if the retired from the neck up Stanley Burnton has anything to do with it.

        Like

    • 267
      Another of Life's Losers who votes UKIP says:

      Westminster politicians do not matter. It’s about time the HoC wonks realise that power has shifted to life’s losers, clowns and fruitcakes. We will vote UKIP again and again and again. We are the future.

      Like

      • 270
        Another of Life's Losers who votes UKIP says:

        There isn’t sp mistake. As the Ceniza twins said, “think”.

        Like

  63. 257
    Tom Watson says:

    Lady driver swerves to avoid pothole in road. Young mother and child are killed as a result of government pothole tax.

    Like

  64. 258
  65. 259
    Tom Watson says:

    Lady dr1ver swerves to avoid pothole in road. Young mother and child are killed as a result of government pothole tax.

    Like

  66. 264
    Mrs Botrill is Labour's Mr Tickell says:

    Bollocks Balls on Sky milking a suicide to every last drop.

    Like

    • 274
      Fog says:

      How sickening and sad that Mrs Botrill made the ultimate entitlement claim and denial of responsibility for her own action.

      Like

  67. 265
    David Cameron says:

    Chillax

    Like

  68. 269
    Castlewarts says:

    No doubt the Millennium Falcon will warp drive through the special tax wormholes offered by the UK to rich multinationals.

    Like

  69. 271
  70. 272
    Conservative Comedy Central says:

    Speaking of unfunny Tories. Who the f_ck at Conservative Central Office Media Relations Unit let that weird haired twat Michael Fabricant out? What a f_cking disgrace of performance not only not funny but disturbingly weird.

    Like

    • 277
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      He’s a right strange one, he is. He reminds me of,

      Like

  71. 273
    Anonymous says:

    What an extraordinary lack of self-awareness this imbecile has. Did he not learn from the Olympics reception how detested he is?

    Like

  72. 276
    Barbara Hewson's Sunday Prayer says:

    Suffer little children..
    and your abusers will come unto me.

    Like

  73. 279
    Questioner says:

    So, who is the ‘Tory’ MP who took the accuser along to the police station to make the complaint against Nigel Evans? One of the Europhile group possibly?

    Like

  74. 284
    Well this makes me laugh says:

    Charles, who led tributes when Savile died, aged 84, in October 2011, had sent him cigars and gold cufflinks on his 80th birthday.

    A note with the gifts read: “Nobody will ever know what you have done for this country, Jimmy. This is to go some way in thanking you for that.”

    Like

    • 286
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      Anyone that does things for charity now has a question mark to them – what are they repenting?

      Like

  75. 294
    Lord Sasserides says:

    I spoke to Boy George at the commemoration of the statue of the late, great President Reagan Oct. 2011 in Grosvenor Sq.

    He told me that Guido Fawkes is a c*unt as is the UKIP. However, the Labour party has many fine attributes. At this point he snorted about one gram of cocaine and I decided to depart.

    Like

  76. 300
    Disgusted of Neasden says:

    Presumably royalties on the new movie will be paid in a galaxy far, far away, before taxation.

    Like

  77. 302
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Hitchens – writes about the book “Cracked” indeed … but aren’t there others out there who know from experience how cracked the states ‘at arms length’ fool / tools are …?

    Like

  78. 303
    Blowing Whistles says:

    The Sunday Post in Scotland – exposes poor plodding / Communism and Argyll & Bute Council [they did’nt like some schoolgirls pics of school meals last year ah di dums!!!] and dont Argyll & Bute have a lot of FORM?

    Like

  79. 304
    Blowing Whistles says:

    So the retired from the neck up Stanley Burnton is going to try and give Daniel Morgans family some justice … methinks not if ye read the retired bit!?

    Like

  80. 305
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Cherie Blair Aid – from across the pond to the tune of $million bucks!!!

    Oh please …?

    Like

  81. 307
    Anonymous says:

    Like

  82. 319
    Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

    ? Siân – O-O

    Like

  83. 320
    Ed failed again says:

    This is how to deal with bankers!

    Like

  84. 321
    micro jobs says:

    Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this really is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

    Like


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS




AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,646 other followers