April 30th, 2013

Gordon’s Miner Catastrophe

Scottish Coal has gone into provisional liquidation, with 600 people losing their jobs. Asset strippers have moved in, mines are being sold off and the business is winding up. What went wrong?

The doom-mongering Prime Mentalist was all smiles and full of good cheer as he visited Scottish Coal at St. Ninians in Fife last May:

“The Company and all those who work on the site should be very proud of what they are doing. I am sure that the project will be a big success and become a significant asset for our local area.”

Everything he touches…


  1. 1
    Arthur Scargill says:

    Up the miners!


    • 3
      Frank Carson says:

      Why did Michael Jackson go to Wales?

      He heard there were lots of miners there.

      Why did Jonathan King go to the seaside?

      He heard he could get some buoys.


      • 29
        Chris Bryant says:

        Why did Peter Mandleson go to Marrakech?

        Because it’s a lovely town famed for its fine cuisine and rich cultural history.


      • 31
        Gordon Brown Stuff says:

        Guido, isn’t it time you stopped picking on me?

        I saved the whole planet from fiscal meltdown if you recall.

        Even though, in truth….I was only really any good at being a Number Two.


        • 35
          Clapham Junction says:

          No, actually, you were not even very good at that; in fact you were totally useless.


          • MightAsWellVoteGreen says:

            So I buy the company.

            Leave it just as it is, just pay no corporation taxes.
            Or any taxes!

            And I make a profit.


        • 37
          Mitch says:

          Are those 3 guys in front strategically placed to take the bullets?


        • 44
          The Famous Toxic Taffy says:

          POWER TO THE NUM, and feck UDM, the splitters…


          • The Famous Toxic Taffy says:

            When I get in high sun, my hair get more blonde, and my eyes change into a strange aquamarine green-blue colour – had to beat the ladies off with a shitty stick most times, with choice of an easy shag. But hey ho! the travails of a right good looking fella. My daughter has the same problem in Oz at the moment, beating the lads off her backside constantly, sniffing her arse. That’s life I tell her – Jimmy Saviles are everywhere I tell her, so wotchit, I tell her.

            By she is fecking well streetwise, always has been, and I didn’t have to instruct her, it came naturally to her….

            Dowry is required, male Ozzies…


          • The Famous Toxic Taffy says:

            Monty on splitters,

            FECKING SPLITTERS!!!


          • The Famous Toxic Taffy says:

            mmm 69 mmmm… What were we talking about again, spooning?


        • 52
          Will.socialists.ever.stop.being.hypocrites says:

          Ten days before they went bust:

          “I would like to pay tribute to the contribution you and your company make to the prosperity of Britain,” Mr Brown told Lehman bankers in London’s Canary Wharf . “During its 150 year history, Lehman Brothers has always been an innovator, financing new ideas and inventions before many others even began to realize their potential.”



        • 91
          They hate her because she won says:

          You spent the country into more debt than it has ever been in peacetime.
          You sold all our gold reserves for a fifth of their current value.
          You transferred responsibility for monitoring th banks to the FSA and then told them to leave the banks to get on with it. You brought about the banking crisis.
          You were the most incompetent, useless Chancellor we have ever had.
          When you took over as PM you realised that Bliar had bailed out and left you to carry the can. Instead of being responsible and trying to deal with the mess you had created, you decided to spend even more money. You threw it at core labour ‘benefit’ votors and wasted billions trying to win the election, leaving us in a worse bloody mess than you might have done.
          If we lived in your wonderful Socialist state you would have been put up against a wall and shot.


        • 97
          number 2 says:

          .Number 1 is PM…………….. PeterM. the lead.
          .Number 3 ….. viral TB……..dissing Ease….does anything 4 munee.
          1 has guts. 1 has balls.
          the action is never where the drama is.


    • 26
      genghiz the kahn says:

      Mining Village People.


    • 58
      Cap'n Bob says:

      Still Raith Rovers fans will be pleased with what he has achieved in Fife.


  2. 2
    Chuka says:

    Miners are trash. They don’t wear £1000 bespoke suits like I do.


  3. 4
    Ed Balls says:

    First ?


    • 49
      RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

      Thirteenth actually.


      • 62
        The Famous Toxic Taffy says:

        Balls is two, isn’t it, ladies, a couple of plums with a banana in the middle of the fruit bowl, in front of you ladies, the eternal triangle, ladies?

        oh ding dong, I say! Oh Lucy, you are sooo naughty.


        • 82
          The Famous Toxic Taffy says:

          Can I sleep with you tonight Julie? Honest, we will not get up to anything, we will just hug, honest, super honest….

          get the durex wellingtons out from the wallet!


  4. 5

    Ayeeee! Thur’ll be trrrabble at the coal face!


    • 78
      Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

      Is trrrabble an uncouth group of troublemakers with speech defects?


  5. 6
    Moby Dick says:

    at least scargill more a safety helmet


  6. 7
    Moussa Koussa Mark 8 says:

    errrrrr No more sky TV for prisoners

    …errrrrrrr so they have had Sky TV for the past 3 years then !!!!!!!


    • 10
      Do one, dickstain says:

      No, I think you’ll find it was Labour who turned prisons into holiday camps with free internet, DVDs, video games and TVs.


      • 23
        Selohesra says:

        Isn’t it better that prisoners stay in cells wanking themselves silly to internet porn than they are out and about threatening the guards?


        • 34
          Do one, dickstain says:

          23 hours a day solitary in a cell with the photos of their victims on the wall. I’m not naive enough to think they’ll feel remorse, but three basic meals, no interaction in order to learn new crime tricks, no TV/DVD/videos games/books/pool tables/gym/radio/internet and 23 hours a day solitary confinement with nothing but the photos of their victims to look at, all of that combined will make their time inside a gruelling ordeal and maybe, just maybe, that relentless combination will make some of them realise what they are and what they’ve done. At present, prisons are a fucking summer camp.


          • The Famous Toxic Taffy says:

            Porridge is all I have to say, since Oz doesn’t accept us sheep shaggers and stealers anymore, even for a loaf of bread stole from the village bakery…


      • 65
        Old Lag says:

        You think that is profligate? You should see the sports facilities. Some of the gyms and swimming pools in prisons would cause riots if the law-abiding locals on the other side of the walls could see what the inmates get for free.


  7. 8
    CCHQ Press Officer says:

    Prime Minister David Cameron slams Jay-Z and Kanye West for using the word ‘n***a’


    • 77
      Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

      Quite right. Such language is reserved for private functions of the Bullingdon.


  8. 9
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “Everything he touches…”
    How long can this go on?


  9. 11
    The selective memory of the Left says:

    Once again, that witch Thatcher’s legacy shows how she decimated communi….
    *exploding noise*


  10. 12
    Middle class leftie cunt darling of the BBC says:

    I blame Fachur!


  11. 13
    Anon...........but Voting UKIP.ORG says:

    Where are the Photo’s of McMental shaking hands with CMDDD ?

    that should give CMDDD a few more nitemares to add to his worst

    nitemare come this Saturday once all of the results are in………

    How long before the “Vote of No Confidence” by anyone in CMDDD

    & his rejects is being shouted by everyone ???


  12. 14
    PitPony says:

    I blame that donkey Miliband and his Anti-Coal Climate Change Act


  13. 16
    william says:

    Mike Gatting,front left?


    • 55

      President of Raith Rovers’ Taverners perhaps?


    • 74
      Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

      Now that is ridiculous. Would Mike Gatting ever keep still without food in his hand. This is the man who produced the only known joke by Graham Gooch after being bowled by the Shane Warne ‘ball of the century’. As Gooch said ‘if it had been a cheese sandwich it would never have got past him’.


  14. 18
    Moussa Koussa Mark 8 says:

    It’s just pitiful Guido

    600 men have lost their jobs , and to deflect blame, you come up with this sh*ite.

    600 lost jobs because of Dave and Gidders economic policies , and I doubt very much if a single man at that pit consider a visit from Gordo as the cause.

    Another 600 voters who will not be making a cross against Dave’s mob


    • 21
      Pollytwaddle says:

      “600 lost jobs because of Dave and Gidders economic policies”


      Don’t you mean “the mine was uneconomic”?


      • 80
        An honest Tory says:

        Actually the mines are not uneconomic. Hargreaves will take over some and reopen them. The problem was that Scottish Coal directors couldn’t run a piss up in a brewery.


    • 24
      The left spout shit. says:

      If you used your fucking brain you’d know that thanks to the EU, the BBC and lefty mongs coal is going out of fashion as it’s causes ‘climate change’, sorry DANGEROUS climate change.


    • 28
      Sarah says:

      So the left wing believe that Coal mining is “good”, yet burning coal is “bad”?

      Please explain the paradox here for me.

      Or do you think we should just mine coal at the taxpayers expense & have a separate public sector entity to bury it again?

      And if you want to blame anyone for this blame Ed Miliband & his 2008 Climate Change Act – it was Labour that forced this disgraceful bill through.


      • 39
        Franklin Roosevelt says:

        “[D]o you think we should just mine coal at the taxpayers’ expense and have a separate public sector entity to bury it again?”

        Hey, that’s the kind of boondoggle shit I ran that worked for me in the WPA back in the 1930’s, why the hell not? “It started in America,” as a certain gentleman might say…


    • 33
      Steve Miliband says:

      Cockenzie Power Station closed recently. It was coal fired. It’s in Scotland. Could they be connected?


      • 40
        Round and round and round..... says:

        I think you’ll find it has been connected to the little windfarm in the neighbouring field.


    • 38
      Kokksukker says:

      “It’s just pitiful Guido

      600 men have lost their jobs , and to deflect blame, you come up with this sh*ite.”

      What more would you expect from a sweaty old queen and his podgy bumchum? These people are obviously trash.


  15. 19
    Diane Abbott says:

    Hackney North and Stoke Newington MP Diane Abbott welcomed the decision by power company E.ON to postpone the building of a coal-fired power station in Kingsnorth in Kent.

    I agree that we need to be focusing on new, clean, energy technologies not coal.



    • 41
      Round and round and round..... says:

      All the hot air this woman spouts should be more than enough to keep Hackney going until Christmas.


      • 71
        Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

        Indeed. And connect Eric Pickles rear end to a methane burner and Bradford will aslo be taken care of.


  16. 20
    any old crap says:

    Nice to know that the LibLabCon and EU green laws are destroying industries and I wonder how many industries Brown has destroyed with his high taxes and so called help to the working man/woman/cross dresser/homosexual/lesbian/whatever the piss take / whatever this weeks trend is, green and mass immigration has been very helpful to this craphole country, you can see it on our roads, full of potholes, trees falling down, how green is my country, too fkin green.


  17. 22
    Anonymous says:

    All together now, YMCA…


  18. 25
    Fatty says:

    It was fatchur’s fault.


  19. 27
    Ed Says says:

    Oooo er. I welcome this news as it shows that the anti-coal policies we enacted, and extra taxes we levied in government to end climate warming dioxide change are working. Oooo er. But then I don’t welcome this news because some miners are losing their jobs. Oooo er, well, er, you just don’t understand, do you?


  20. 32
    Ed Balls says:

    I hate being interrupted from my daydream in the bank queue by a berk in a cheap suit trying to make me use a machine instead of a cashier.


  21. 42

    Оld Brоwn Соаl wаѕ а mеrry оld ѕоul,
    Аnd а mеrry оld ѕоul wаѕ hе.
    Hе саllеd fоr hіѕ Bеаrd іn thе mіddlе оf thе nіght,
    Аnd hе саllеd fоr hіѕ fіddlеrѕ thrее.
    Nоw еvеry fіddlеr hаd а vеry fіnе fіddlе,
    Аnd а vеry fіnе fіddlе hаd hе.
    Fіddlе-dіddlе-dее, dіddlе-dее, ѕаіd thе fіddlеrѕ,
    Thrее mеrry mеn аrе wе,
    Thеrе’ѕ nоnе ѕо fаіr thаt саn соmpаrе,
    Wіth thе bоyѕ оf Kіrkсаldее.

    Hоw’ѕ yоur fаthеr?
    Hоw’ѕ yоur mоthеr?
    Hоw’ѕ yоur ѕіѕtеr?
    Whеn’ѕ thе lаѕt tіmе?
    Whеn’ѕ thе nеxt tіmе?
    Hоw’ѕ yоur аrѕеhоlе?
    Ооmpаh Ооmpаh ѕtісk іt up yоur jumpа

    Оld Brоwn Соаl wаѕ а mеrry оld ѕоul. . .
    Аnd hе саllеd fоr hіѕ tаіlоrѕ thrее,
    Nоw еvеry tаіlоr hаd а vеry fіnе prісk,
    Аnd а vеry fіnе prісk hаd hе.
    Ѕtісk іt іn аnd оut, іn аnd оut, ѕаіd thе tаіlоrѕ,
    Fіddlе-dіddlе-dее, dіddlе-dее, ѕаіd thе fіddlеrѕ,
    Mеrry, mеrry mеn аrе wе, еtс . . .

    Jugglеrѕ thrее – twо vеry fіnе Bаllѕ.
    Thrоw Еd Bаllѕ іn thе аіr, ѕаіd thе jugglеrѕ.

    Butсhеrѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе сhоppеr.
    Put іt оn thе blосk, сhоp іt оff, ѕаіd thе butсhеrѕ.

    Bаrmаіdѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе саndlе.
    Puѕh іt оut, puѕh іt оut, ѕаіd thе bаrmаіdѕ.

    Сyсlіѕtѕ thrее – twо vеry fіnе pеdаlѕ.
    Rоund аnd rоund, rоund аnd rоund, ѕаіd thе сyсlіѕtѕ.

    Flutіѕtѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе flutе.
    Rооt dіddly-ооt, dіddly-ооt, ѕаіd thе flutіѕtѕ.

    Pаіntеrѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе bruѕh.
    Ѕlаp іt up аnd dоwn, up аnd dоwn, ѕаіd thе pаіntеrѕ.

    Hоrѕеmеn thrее – а vеry fіnе ѕаddlе.
    Rіdе іt up аnd dоwn, up аnd dоwn, ѕаіd thе hоrѕеmеn.

    Саrpеntеrѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе hаmmеr.
    Bаng аwаy, bаng аwаy, bаng аwаy, ѕаіd thе саrpеntеrѕ.

    Ѕurgеоnѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе ѕсаlpеl.
    Сut іt rоund thе knоb, mаkе іt thrоb, ѕаіd thе ѕurgеоnѕ.

    Fіѕhеrmеn thrее – а vеry fіnе rоd.
    Mіnе іѕ twо fееt lоng, twо fееt lоng, ѕаіd thе fіѕhеrmеn.

    Huntѕmеn thrее – а vеry fіnе hоrn.
    Wаkе up іn thе mоrn wіth а hоrn, ѕаіd thе huntѕmеn.

    Соаlmеn thrее – а vеry fіnе ѕасk.
    Wаnt іt іn thе frоnt оr thе bасk, ѕаіd thе соаlmеn.

    Drummеrѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе drum.
    Thump іt rіght up tо thе ѕtump, ѕаіd thе drummеrѕ.

    Аxеmеn thrее – а vеry fіnе аxе.
    Сhоp іt rіght bасk tо thе ѕtump, ѕаіd thе аxеmеn.

    Ѕlаppеrѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе саt.
    Соmе аnd pеt my puѕѕy, ѕаіd thе ѕlаppеrѕ.

    Pоѕtаl Vоtеrѕ thrее – а vеry fіnе bоx
    Puѕh іt іn thе bоx, ѕаіd thе Pоѕtаlѕ


  22. 45
    Moussa Koussa Mark 8 says:

    Bye Bye Times…..LOL


  23. 47
    Moussa Koussa Mark 8 says:

    Hang on Rupert Mongdoch provides SKY TV to prisons, at great cost to Tax Payer, yet Rupert Mongdoch’s papers are whining about prisoners having Sky TV. You couldn’t make it up


  24. 54
    Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

    So unlike our dear Michael Ancram, who preferred going fly fishing as a guest of Scottish Coal.


  25. 56
    Will.socialists.ever.stop.being.hypocrites says:

    While the green energy policies put forth by Ed Milliband (and continued by the other members of the Liblabcon party) are damaging what is left of our coal industry, it is worth noting that Germany is opening MORE coal-fired power stations.


    Meanwhile China has increased its Co2 emissions in the last year by more than our TOTAL emissions for that year.

    Why are we British always the ones who have to have pay the most for the world’s problems (real or imaginary)?


    • 60
      An honest Tory says:

      What on earth are you blathering about? Minibland has no power. In the last 3 years the current government has supported new opencast mines at Tower in Wales and Mainhill in Scotland (and planning permission has been given for at least one in Durham). The UK is expanding its surface mining (even if the Mainhill one was run by Scottish Coal and involves some very smelly shenanigans by Lord Home – the landowner and son of Alec).


  26. 57
    Charlie on BBC expenses says:

    It was all Fatchur’s fault. *snort* snort* oink oink!


  27. 59
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Now here is an opportunity for the labour shadow cabinet to put their money where their mouth is. Balls, Miliband, Ummuna, Kahn, et al, get your own money out and fund the scottish pits.
    Let’s see you invest your own money, and let’s see your one nation in action.


    • 64
      An honest Tory says:

      Absolutely no need. Hargreaves Services have just raised £42m for buying new opencast sites, are in partnership with the Scottish government to restore old sites and are salivating at the asset stripping opportunity. The viable pits will soon be back up and running.


      • 69
        (I don't need no doctor) says:

        You mean Salmond will have something to do with it. Zut alors.


        • 76
          An honest Tory says:

          Not really. Hargreaves have other possible purchases in both Wales and Durham and will just walk away if Salmond tries to interfere.


  28. 63
    young Shep says:

    William Wallace Windfarm betrays the Scots again.


  29. 72
    pissed off says:

    still going on about brown??FFS you must be running scared


  30. 81
    young Shep says:

    They forgot to raise the flag of St. Andrew (just missed an entry in posed photographs of all time).


  31. 83
    Brown out & pay me damages. says:

    Smearing scum!


  32. 84
    GB says:

    Must have been bigots.



  33. 87
    Rob Roy says:

    Give us our independence and we will sort the problem out .

    You English will not have to worry your tiny little heads about it at all.

    Scottish solutions for Scottish problems.


    • 93
      Phil says:

      Give England the chance to vote for Scottish Independence as well and I guarantee you’ll get it together with a long list of Scottish labour MP’s currently infesting the House of commons’.


  34. 88
    GordonBrownismental says:

    Ur just jealous Guido. I sold Britain’s gold and bought a job lot of psych med. I share with anyone who’s nice to me. NUUUUUUUURSE, why am in the straitjacket again?


  35. 90
    Miss Direction says:

    Go & fuck yourself up the arse. Brown.


  36. 92
    They hate her because she won says:

    Thatcherite policies still closing mines!


  37. 95
    Harold Wilson says:

    By eck, he’s got a long way to go before he shuts as many mines as me. ‘Ecky thump.


  38. 96
    Ivor Ramsbottom says:

    Will he give a pre-election endorsement for Milibland. Fingers crossed


  39. 98
    Tosspot says:

    It is likely that history will remember Brown for what he is and what he has been to the Nation, likewise Blair…


  40. 99
    Chucker frequents mens saunas says:

    The business constituent parts and physical assets will be sold for c6 times what was paid for them. Good to know someone still profits from coal.

    Gordon Brown – the inverted Midas touch continues – everything he encounters turns to diarrhoea…..


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