April 1st, 2013

Happy April Fools

Guido’s exclusive that Alex Belardinelli, henchman to Ed Balls, is to be replaced by Damian McBride, was always destined to remain exclusive.

Some people have no sense of humour:

Others revealingly project their own Machiavellian ways:

Not today…


  1. 1
    The LibLabCon says:

    The electorate are all fools – every day of the year.

  2. 3
    Kebab Time says:
  3. 4
    Jimmy says:

    The April Fools thing only really works if you’re not doing it every other day.

    • 5
      Anonymous says:

      says the expert on such matters

    • 10
      CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

      Projecting there somewhat Jimmy.

      Jimmy: wrong about everything, all the time.

      • 15
        marxism for dummies says:

        “QUOTE OF THE DAY.

        Ed West poses a fundamental question…

        “..how do the not-very-intelligent survive in an information-based free-market economy? Until the Left deals with that in an honest, non-PC way, they’ll continue to fail the vulnerable.”

        The Left, “Government of the thick, by the thick, for the thick.”

        • 45
          Jimmy says:

          As far as I can tell, most of them seem to blog for the Torygraph.

          • marxism for dummies says:

            You mean the ones who don’t believe in a magic money tree, fast vanishing ‘climate change’, or big government meddling in every aspect of our lives?

          • marxism for dummies says:

            Oh, add to that state control of the media, North Korea gangbang style.

          • Never Mind The Bellocs says:

            You cannot hope to bribe or twist
            Thank God, the British journalist.
            But seeing what the man will do unbribed
            There’s no occasion to.

          • light says:

            in the world of power leftrightis a strange concept. thrust is futher dawn.
            the silken dove that is white can be above in the heart.
            tri the silken dove products all over for the heart is the centre

    • 23
      Jimmy the Dhimmi says:

      It’s A Fool’s Day every day you post a comment.

    • 37
      Fox Views says:

      You’re a nasty piece of work, aren’t you?

    • 161
      Bullers says:

      I thought he had threatened to run nude if he lost his bet, he lost his bet from memory, still he might as well run if he can, there will come a time when he may not even able to jog, I have reached that stage and its not funny

  4. 7
    Albert Allbright says:

    when i lived in welwyn, grant shapps was the new tory mp there. he was small then. he’s still small today

    • 17
      Grant Scraps says:

      I may be small, but I’ve got a big house with an insufficient number of bedrooms.

      • 21
        grant shapps says:

        I am very rich but I make my boys share a room because I don’t care about them. I’d rather have the money.

  5. 9

    Yep – I fell for that April fools…..

    Nice one though. Very entertaining ;-)

  6. 12
    John Wellington Wells says:

    The problem is distinguishing the treasonable Mr F’s foolish fare from the rest.

  7. 13
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    And there was I, thinking it could be Belardinelli trying to pull such a lame joke by asking Guido to run the story on April Fools’ Day, just so Alex could show he has a sense of humour and have a bit of fun with his guv, and Guido in turn could jab his own favourite Damian the Leper a bit, too. (All in sport, of course…). And it still might be– Alex WOULD say what he did in that Tweet, wouldn’t he?

  8. 14
    David Cameron says:

    I’ll cut the deficit, not the NHS

    April Fools!

    • 27
      Andrew Efiong says:

      Deficit down, NHS spending up.

      Cameron’s kept his word so far although personally I wish he’d slash NHS spending. Far too much money is wasted on shirking nurses and paying telephone number salaries to GPs and surgeons.

      • 36
        .Ian Duncan Smhithe says:

        Well said I wish Id thought of that before my stupid welfare reforms.

      • 269
        Anonymous says:

        We never seem to hear any sense spoken by NHS representatives, they wheel out the usual mouthy GP(on six figure salaries) who says the end is nigh, and we never hear the truth. If the latest re organisation is so bad why did they all agree to do it ?

    • 38
      CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

      I wonder when the NHS will have it’s Berlin wall moment?

    • 43
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Don’t mention The Berlinguer Report then davey boy – wouldn’t want the British Public finding out that you are suborned under EU diktats now would we? Or that your hot air about an in out vote of the EU is just that “HOT AIR”?

      • 81
        oh my, the footwork! says:

        Camoron knows 2015 is his date of departure, so he doesn’t given a crap about the people, can’t wait for Liebour to take over, and eddy throws his balls into the air and where they land finds a note saying sorry accidently cut the money tree down.

  9. 19
    very funny says:

    ho ho ho

  10. 22
    Carole Singer says:

    Over 28,000 have signed the Change.Org petition calling for IBS to put his money where his mouth is….people are signing at over 900 per hour!

    • 24 says:

      So IDS claims that he can live on £53 a week. This is the same person who charged the taxpayer £19.00 for his breakfast!

      We need to invent a new word ‘hypocrisy’ does not begin to do justice to this turd of an individual

    • 25
      Jim the fish says:

      IDS, you’re a fucking liar….

      But, hey, we already knew that, didn’t we?

    • 28
      MadDogMcGahey says:

      In 2010 Duncan Smith was due to appear in a gimmicky TV series called Tower Block of Commons where MP’s were supposed to share the lifestyle of people on benefits. He pulled out after one day of filming due to his wife’s health problems.

      He should have carried on with the filming as planned. It would have been interesting to see how he coped with the stress of family illness whilst living on a run-down council estate. It would have been interesting to see if he could afford the fares to visit his wife in hospital, if she was in hospital, without going without food.

      People who live on benefits do not have the option of calling a halt to the filming to go and look after their loved ones in comfortable surroundings. They have no escape. They have to cope. I do not want to malign his wife, but I understand that he then took 6 months off work to care for her. How many working people would be able to do that?

      The man is a sham. From his fake CV, his so-called Christian beliefs, his crocodile tears in Glasgow to this most recent farcical comment – deliberate, vicious, deceit

      • 39
        MadDogMcGahey says:

        Duncan Smith was replaced by Nadine Dorries, who was caught cheating (the old fifty quid note down the bra trick).

        I rest my case.

      • 70
      • 130
        CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

        What with the extra disability benefit and the charities that pay for everything I expect he would have a problem

        The main problem in the UK is to how to afford to live when so much is removed from your pay via taxes.

      • 211
        To the knownothings says:

        Ian Duncan Smith had to withdraw because his wife was discovered to have breast cancer and went for operation – that’s why he withdrew .

      • 279
        Jimmy says:

        smells like gordon brownstuff. think this is one of mine

      • 285
        Anonymous says:

        You are really stupid to personalise the reforms like this ! do you really think IDS suddenly said “Dave, lets review benefits as 2 billion a year is fecking rediculous ?” It cant go on, the tax payer is sick to the back teeth of some people freeloading all their lives, as a career choice. Labour will continue with it, and ukip certainly will so stop whingeing !

    • 29
      Pawn Sandwich says:

      You can easily live on £53 a week. Just buy a pocket of potatoes, 5kg value bag of rice and a couple of loaves of bread. You still have £40 left over. Job done!!!

      Oh and the laxatives you need will come free as you do not pay prescription charges.

      • 40
        MadDogMcGahey says:

        Heat, leccy, water, bedroom tax?

        • 50
          Pawn Sandwich says:

          All paid for by the taxpayer.

          If you have made a conscious choice to live a life on benefits then dont complain about what you are given on the backs of the labours of others.

          • Anonymous says:

            There was a man on R 4 last night who has been here 20 years,he had to have his daughter interpret for him. He lives in a 5 bedroomed house with his wife and 9 children and he gets £45,000 a year in benefits.(he would need to earn £60,000 a year to make that amount) When the reporter asked him why he had so many children, the answer (via the daughter) was that God chose how many kids you have, not him ! I heard this with my own ears and you do hear it a lot. What is wrong with this country ?

        • 74
          Anonymous says:

          Piss off down the food bank, you fucking freeloader.

        • 76
          right up the shirkers! says:

          Yeah, most of which I pay out of my fucking wages after working for it.

      • 41
        CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

        and you’ll get the house for free too.

        The real question is why would you work when you can get the equivalent of 26K after tax salary for being a feckless shirker?

      • 44
        OnBenefits says:

        Yeah we love raw potatoes.

        • 53
          Pawn Sandwich says:

          Get a job then. become one of the “workers”.

          • Diane Flabbott says:

            Get a job? How fucking dare you? Employers aren’t too keen on my skag habit, booze and fags, breeding offspring with various spunk recepticles and staying in bed till 4pm whilst social workers do everything for me. You disgust me etc etc. Racist err…

        • 83
          Anonymous says:

          Chew on my tough titty, bitch.

    • 33
      Ed Miliabnd says:

      Labour’s election pledge will be free tattoos and piercings for those on benefits. In fact it will be our only policy if elected.

      • 75
        Len of unite says:

        I’ve cleared this one

        • 92
          Rumpledforeskin says:

          It would be possible to live on 52 quid a week but would be tricky.
          20 quid would go on electricity straight away leaving 32.
          laundry costs 10 quid so that leaves 22
          a chicken is 5 quid and maybe lasts 2 days 3 at a push.
          so say 2 chickens or equivalent leaves 12 quid
          some dairy products, vegetables, tins of chickpeas and the like would easily account for that.
          then minimum 5 quid for a PAYG phone card
          but what happens if something needs repairing and there is not any element of personal liability insurance to payoff the scum plod who break a finger nail chasing the crackhead who tried to rob what little we have left.

    • 273
      Anonymous says:

      Stupid feckers ! you cant force him to live on £53 a week, i wonder about the IQ of some people in this country.

  11. 26
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Guido’s flushed them out again.

    Bellenddelli is on the run!

  12. 30
    BBC News says:

    We are pulling out all the stops today with our left wing bluster. We at the BBC align ourselves with the 53 pound benefit claimants, as we scrounge from the license fee payer.
    Our auto-cue news readers are on 100k minimum per year, so we know what it’s like to struggle.
    Just waiting now for tomorrow’s Guardian headlines so that we can have our next news.

    • 46
      CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

      BBC seemed to “miss” reporting this a few days ago…


      • 48
        OnBenefits says:

        Again complete bollocks

        • 54
          Another useless british twat says:

          There isnt any sickness benefits tests just the threat and of course your benefits stop whilst they are doing this (its performed by a private company, more profit for their mates.)Total con unless you are LGTG brown skined and an immigrant.
          I know this comment wont get through because its true I know.

          • A waste of time says:

            I second that, its true, they are bastards,welfare its a farce and Duncan Smith needs castrating.

          • Anonymous says:

            What about the 900,000 who signed off sick when they heard they would be assessed by somebody different to their friendly GP! that says it all !

        • 77
          CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

          Why? It tallies exactly with someone I know who works as part of the system.

      • 57
        Jimmy says:

        That’s because Corinne Stockheath made it up.

        What’s depressing is not that Shapps invented this story, let’s face it he has form for fraud, or even that the torygraph slavishly repeats CCHQ bumf without checking it, but that there are people so utterly thick that they can (let’s call it) read that almost a million people suddenly decided to drop their claims in order to avoid a medical and it doesn’t strike them as remotely implausible.

      • 59
        Andrew Efiong says:

        Aha! 900,000 scroungers have been flushed out by IDS in one go.


    • 49
      Lord Fondlebum of Mandelshon says:

      Well done BBC, another ground breaking series on the way, you set of total left wing bum bandits.

  13. 34
    2 Short Planksinelli says:

    I have the kind of qualities Fat Ed appreciates.

    • 89
      Pesce d'Aprile says:

      Don’t be too hard on signor Belardinelli. He’s a Socialist, so lacks of a sense of humour, and is too earnest and deadly serious to see what’s really in front of him anyway. And he’s probably walking round with a paper fish pinned to his back as we speak.

  14. 56
    Unite Against Marxism says:

    So glad we’ve seen off the evil Marxist Miliband from the North East.

  15. 61
    The Last King of Scotland says:

    I knew it was just a matter of time before we brought you colonial bastards to justice now who laughing.

    I said I would conquer you and I have we will soon outnumber you and put you in chains you useless bastards.

  16. 67
    • 82
      Pawn Sandwich says:

      Doing your bit for “the cause”?

    • 84
      oh my, the footwork! says:

      I’d sign a petition if it was for halving ALL MPs pay and taking away their pension rights, after all we all get a pension as most of us have paid in.

      • 148
        CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

        All in the extortion-funded/public sector should be losing final salary pensions.

  17. 85
    Rumpledforeskin says:

    This cowboy is riding through the desert and he comes across a red indian with his ear to the ground.
    “What are you doing down there ?”
    “Stagecoach past 3 hours ago”
    ” Hey that’s clever how do you know that ?”
    “because it ran over my fucking neck”

  18. 87
    JH392842934123 says:

    Looks like the rebuttal squad are out in force again. I wonder if they post from a central office or are allowed to do so from home?

    By the way, if people don’t want to live on £53 a week (we all know they get far more than that, what with free accommodation, council tax and whatnot – the rest of us have to pay that out of already taxed income) then they can maybe, you know, go and get a job.

    • 90
      Jimmy says:

      Actually it’s a hollowed out volcano.

      “go and get a job.”

      Clearly no point in trying to argue with someone this well informed.

      • 93
        Jimmy the Dhimmi says:

        Said the font of all knowledge.

      • 102
        nellnewman says:

        “go and get a job” ??!!!

        What heresy is this?

        Labour has created the welfare benefit class so that they can be perpetually voted into power by lazy people who want to be parasites and live off the taxpaying working classes that labour has abandoned, without ever lifting a finger themselves!!

        As I understand it the average welfare payment to gordon’s underclass is £26k a year and under current austerity measures they are going to take a dip of £900pa. I suspect many of us would welcome an earned income of more than £20k pa given that most of us manage on less!!

      • 146
        CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

        Jimmy do you practise to get to that level of stupid or are you a natural?

  19. 88
    Fuck it says:

    Liebore wheel out the same old same old about benefits. We get the “pensions are the biggest slice of the benefits bill”

    Except of course to actually get a pension from the state you have to have worked for decades and paid in, with most other benefits you don’t need to have ever lifted a finger to do a days work.

    Only Liebore scum would mix pensions for the hard working with benefits for the bone idle scum.

  20. 91
    Anonymous says:

    Someone has updated George Smith’s wiki……………..



    complete bellend

    How wonderful.

    • 96
      OnBenefits says:

      Always accurate, Wikipedia.

    • 110
      OnBenefits says:

      He started out at the age of 21 with six years of taxpayer-funded military service, during which he acted as bag-carrier to a Major-General.

      Then in 1981, aged 27, he left the Army and signed on the dole for several months.

      He then began a period of ordinary work based upon the skills he had gained at the taxpayer’s expense, and worked in sales for arms dealer GEC-Marconi.

      He then moved on to a property firm, where he was made redundant after six months, and then sold gun-related magazines for Jane’s Information Group.

      After 11 years of this all-too brief career he succeeded in once again boarding the publicly-funded gravy train in 1992.

      In the intervening 20 years he has been paid by the taxpayer every year more money than most taxpayers earn. He has topped it up, along the way, to more than six figures for a few years here and there by being more pompous than the other pigs.

      In 2001 he helped his unemployed wife to have a suckle, arranging for you to pay her £15,000 to be his diary secretary.

      These days he is given the grand total of £134,565 a year from the taxpayer.

      He lives for free in a £2million Tudor farmhouse on his father-in-law’s ancestral estate in Buckinghamshire.

      He has three acres of land, a tennis court, swimming pool and some orchards, which is not bad for a life in the pay of the state.

      ‘Who is this scumbag?’ you might cry. ‘Tell us his name, let the authorities know his address, let’s get this guzzler out of the cushy life and show him what life is like for the rest of us,earning £7 an hour with a rise once every eight years and a pension consisting entirely of penny sweets if you’re lucky.’

      His name is Iain Duncan Smith, and his address is the Palace of Westminster, LondonSW1A 0AA

  21. 97
    nellnewman says:


    Expecting liebour to have a sense of humour is like expecting this kim jong un chap to have charisma!

    • 100
      The Left says:

      We’re having a good laugh at IDS’s stupidity, Nell.

      • 103
        nellnewman says:

        Alas , he who laughs last…………….

        And it won’t be labour as they are on the wrong side of this argument .

        Why else do you think militwit senior has fled to New York. He doesn’t want to be around to witness the metaphorical bloodshed when militwit ‘hollande worshipper’ junior comes to grief.

        • 104
          The Left says:

          Oh yes you’re expecting the next government to be a Tory/Ukip coalition.

          • nellnewman says:

            Actually what I expect might happen is that militwit, by default, will get into no 10 in 2015 with bullyballs, the deadweight around his neck, as chancellor.

            Like francoise hollande they will be proved to be ‘emporers with no clothes’.

            Their flash popularity in electoral polls will instantly plummet like a lead weighted plumb-line . And after 4/5 years of failed liebour government, yet again!! ,labour will finally be cast into the abyss, as indeed will hollande, militwit’s hero, next time around.

            the socialist troughing eu and doomed euro will be in its death throes and obama the gordonbrown of american economics, will be hobbling towards the end of his term in an economically trashed america and the republicans will have sorted out their mess and have a decent candidate ready for better days.

            socialism/marxism, like it or not, is slowly dying around the world. It’s killed enough people over the decades – time for it to end!

          • CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

            Marxism has even destroyed the states monetary monopolies.

            Bitcoins and successors will enable comparative advantage without having the state extort a cut.

            The crisis in “capitalism” is really a crisis in state currency monopolies caused by income taxation.

    • 252
      King Kong I says:

      I love you too, Nell.

  22. 101
    Jimmy's Sponger of the Week says:

    Obviously, the people who take handouts they don’t deserve should be the first to take a cut.

    So let’s start by talking about someone who lives off the state and has little experience of the world of work you and I know.

    He is 58 years old and has suckled upon the publicly-funded teat for most of his life.

    He’s signed on the dole. He’s had four children and received child benefit for all of them. He has put them each through private school, too.

    His wife hasn’t worked since they married, except for 15 months in which he got her a job paid by the taxpayer.

    He and his colleagues eat and drink food you subsidise in a palace you pay for, he is driven around in a car you own, and when he is too old to ‘work’ any more you will pay for him to have a better pension than you, too.

    He started out at the age of 21 with six years of taxpayer-funded military service, during which he acted as bag-carrier to a Major-General.

    Then in 1981, aged 27, he left the Army and signed on the dole for several months.

    He then began a period of ordinary work based upon the skills he had gained at the taxpayer’s expense, and worked in sales for arms dealer GEC-Marconi.

    He then moved on to a property firm, where he was made redundant after six months, and then sold gun-related magazines for Jane’s Information Group.

    After 11 years of this all-too brief career he succeeded in once again boarding the publicly-funded gravy train in 1992.

    In the intervening 20 years he has been paid by the taxpayer every year more money than most taxpayers earn. He has topped it up, along the way, to more than six figures for a few years here and there by being more pompous than the other pigs.

    In 2001 he helped his unemployed wife to have a suckle, arranging for you to pay her £15,000 to be his diary secretary.

    These days he is given the grand total of £134,565 a year from the taxpayer.

    He lives for free in a £2million Tudor farmhouse on his father-in-law’s ancestral estate in Buckinghamshire.

    He has three acres of land, a tennis court, swimming pool and some orchards, which is not bad for a life in the pay of the state.


  23. 105
    garymguk says:

    I have come to the point where I HATE these Tory politicians. They are scum who treat people like plebs. They have no money, yet they can reduce the highest earners tax from 50 to 45%. They can give 1p off the price of a pint! These people are evil, greedy scum. And we sit around while Cameron and Clegg treat us like shit. I believe in democracy but for the first time in my life (and I lived under Thatcher) I would support revolution in this Country.

    We have a Tory/LibDem government taking from the poor and giving to rich. And when anyone objects, they are called scroungers, skivers or plebs

    • 106
      ihatethefuckinglotofthem says:

      Fair point. IDS is, after all, a career moocher. He mooches a home from his rich wife, and he mooches a cushy job from his rich friends. I doubt he knows what £53 even buys because he just gets other people to pay for everything he thinks he is entitled to have

    • 138
      CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

      The worst form of greed is selling your vote to rob your fellow citizens!

      It’s you that are greedy. Want more money? Do something fucking useful.

    • 235
      Matilda says:

      Furthermore, it appears to have escaped your notice that throughout the Blair/Brown years the highest rate of tax was 40%.

      Idiot Brown only raised that to 50% a matters of days before he was finally ejected from office in order to lay a bear trap for Cameron.

      Would you perhaps be so much happier if the Chancellor further reduced the top rate to match that of the Great Financial Imbecile?

      Do you actually understand what this contribution is about?

    • 286
      Anonymous says:

      Gary, why are you posting stupid comments ? shouldnt you be out finding a job ?

  24. 107
    Anonymous says:

    So Shapps boasts that the taxpayer isn’t funding his lifestyle.

    Er…isn’t the taxpayer paying his wages?

    And I take it he doesn’t claim expenses..

  25. 112
    Vinnie Garstrokes says:

    It wasn’t a very successful April Fool – I just shrugged and assumed it was exactly the sort of thing that these Hunts would get up to.

  26. 114
    Anonymous says:
    • 118
      nellnewman says:

      How much of every £1 I give will go to some labour CEO with a fancy HQ and even fancier car?

      No Thanks!

    • 120
      RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

      I’d rather donate to someone who isn’t a self-obsessed publicity seeker, thanks.

      • 149
        jimmy savile did loads for charideeeee says:

        Perhaps Balls- up and his missus Cooper could donate the thousands they fleeced out of the taxpayer throughflipping their homes in the MP expenses scam…

      • 219
        knowledgable. says:

        red is being trashed. oxygenated blood is red. it rushes to where it is needed most in the physical bodi. given that it knows makes it..
        but then in the night.time of the god who stated our purpose should we expect more truth than 1 in four?

    • 244
      Labour is off it's Ed says:

      To Ed Bollox: I WOULD GLADLY SPONSOR you if you went on hunger strike for 6 months – and ask fat bastard Twatson to join you, and Iwill up my sponsorship.

  27. 115
    You know you want to says:

    Sign the petition:

    Ian Duncan Smith to live on £53 a week.


    • 117
      intertango says:

      Now at 66,132 Make your intentions for the slimy liar to do it

    • 119
      nellnewman says:

      Of course you could live off £53 per week if you were a decent human being who didn’t do drugs and drink, grew some of your own fruit and veg, shopped on the market and cooked everything from scratch .

      But liebor’s lazy lot want drugs, vodka, pizzas and any and every other form of junk food delivered to the door!!

      This is the culture that gordon, bullyballs and the militwit brothers fostered in their last stint of government!!

      • 127
        Rumpledforeskin says:

        as I have previously explained you can live off an acre but it is very hard work. the amount of arable land in the UK to the population is 2:1 so there are twice as many people here as the land can support on a very generous look. rather than the 30million acres which one person could live off per acre I am guessing that the number of good workable land in acres is 14million.

        • 139
          Rumpledforeskin says:

          so, best guess is in order to achieve a self sustaining, renewable population, the number of occupants of the UK needs to be 14 million

          • CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

            Or we could just trade with the world for food. That after all is sustainable.

          • light says:

            ppl partli eat as they see the dark as dark rather than just the time of day. a naval nation knows telescope. why fear the dark when the stars are beautiful at night time.

        • 256
          John from Hull says:

          14 million acres, you say. Well, that’s something that we can build on.

      • 131
        Great British Public says:

        We could all live off that if all the incidentals such as rent, Council Tax and other ‘top ups’ were mad available to us.

        It’s just that, thankfully, the vast majority of us haven’t been conditioned to believe that the State and its Taxpayers owe us a living.

        • 136
          CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

          Fags are 7 quid. that’s only one pack a day!?!

          How can a work-shirker live on that?

          • rumpledforeskin says:

            share the nicotine, when you have a drag whip down your partner’s pants fix your lips firmly against their arsehole and blow. see secondhand nicotine is absorbed and you feel less like a ciggy.
            this is known as “blowing smoke up my arse”

      • 216
        To the knownothings says:

        Milk £1
        Bread £1.30
        Eggs £1
        Bacon £1.60
        Pork £2.60 Lidl (nice and lean fillets)
        chicken £4.00 ” (very tasty)
        Pasta .60
        apples (9) £1
        Oranges (8) £1.50
        Greens n potatoes £2.00
        Salad n toms £2.00
        Mince £2.20
        Beans,soup,tinned stuff £4.00
        Flour, spread, butter £2.50
        Sugar .90
        Tea bags £1.00

        I bought all these things last week, but there again I don’t buy fags, sky, drugs, takeaways etc.

    • 121
      John Doe says:

      £53 wouldn’t even meet the cost of a haircut for Oberfuhrer Duncan-Smith.

      This loathsome hypocrite of a man is simply implementing the most basic tenet of the English Tory Party (that’s ‘Nazi’ to you and me) which is to persecute the plebs to the greatest limit possible. The ultimate goal is to strip them of any social assistance at all, in the hope that they are driven to such extremities that they have no option but to top themselves.

      The Tories, judgemental and blinkered, bigoted and self-serving as they are, are not so stupid that they haven’t managed to draw the logical conclusion from even the most superficial attempt at social analysis, and that is: that there is a considerable section of society that realistically can only be categorised as ‘unemployable’, however reluctant one might be to recognise this obvious truth, and for whatever reasons. It is this section of society, not worthy of being classed as ‘vulnerable’, that the more unscrupulous of our politicians always target for demonisation when they are attempting to divert attention from their ministerial inadequacies.

      Duncan-Smith is particularly despicable in that he has the gall to call himself a Christian. How can a man consider himself a Christian when he is directly responsible for so many suicides in this country, and will doubtless bring about many more over the next two years?

    • 123
      P l e b says:

      Will Cameron have the guts to sack him?

      • 129
        nellnewman says:

        Well I hope not!!

        IDS has been absolutely right over welfare benefits all along .

        900,000 people claiming disability decided NOT to undergo tests under IDS’s rules and to go and seek work because they knew they would be outed as frauds!

        I could have have claimed Disability Living Allowance for looking after Young Nells who has been left seriously physically disabled by labour’s failed NHS. I don’t!

        Family are responsible for their own . The principle of looking after your own is so important!!

    • 132
      Angry as hell says:

      I think you need to get over to the Telegraph quick, even they need your help defending this ..
      2728 comments… not a lot in defence..

    • 137
      Benny Fitz-Clements says:

      IDS said he could, if he had to. As he has a job and doesn’t have to live on
      £ 53 per week he clearly won’t be doing so.

  28. 116
    nellnewman says:

    Had my Uncle here to lunch today . He’s nearly 90 . His Dad fought in WW1 and he fought in WW2 . After the war he became an apprentice and eventually a foreman in Perkins Engines.

    He’s voted labour nearly all his life .

    We talked today about politics. He said he voted labour because mp’s, in his day were working class like him, flat caps , who understood hard work, self sufficiency and decency.

    Nowadays he says there are more flashy millionaires amongst labour mps than amongst the tories .

    His biggest complaint is that there are no longer any labour mps who have worked at any job other than being an mp and he doesn’t regard that as a job!!

    He thinks mps nowadays are there to milk the system for themselves and sod we decent folk.

    This is the problem . No working class person believes labour is the party for them. Corrupt , troughing, liebour knows it. That’s why they’ve tried to create the welfare state to vote for them instead. Question is will they succeed in the long term?!

    • 124
      Red Ed's non-predator union bosses says:

      We’re working flat out to ensure that Red Ed and dick Ed get elected in order that they can commence ‘pre-distribution’ on an epic scale.

      • 151
        nellnewman says:

        pre-distribution to what ?

        It won’t be to the masses will it?

        It will be pre-distribution to militwit’s and his pals own personal banks accounts!!

    • 128
      Michael Foot says:

      So, your uncle is a socialist then who supported Old Labour…as opposed to supporting New Labour now!

      • 135
        nellnewman says:

        No – he supported labour because he thought they supported the working classes.

        He didn’t understand that actually in foot, wilson and callaghan , supported marxism and the slavery of the people to make them, the labour elite rich at the expense of his hard work.

        He now understands that bliar, brown, mandy and the militwits are gettig rich at the expense of anyone who works and it makes him angry!

        labour now, amongst the working classes, are a dirty word!!

    • 171
      Jimmy says:

      “he fought in WW2″

      Nice to see you don’t hold it against him

  29. 122
    Anonymous says:

    Jones was aged 5¾ when Maggie left office.

    • 125
      Joss Taskin says:

      Isn’t that now his mental age, 5¾ ?

    • 134
      CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

      I remember the smell of Marxism, 3 day week and piles of rubbish.

      Thank God for Thatcher (PBUH). Eternal damnation for the neoEugenicists who created entitlement addiction.

      • 144
        Lefty twat says:



        If only it had happened under the evil Tories, eh comrades! Then we could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on about it.

        Let’s face it, it’s a fucking gold mine for anyone critical of Labour. The best we can do is the ‘milk snatcher’ shit, even though Labour had previously cancelled milk for older children. But we don’t talk about that.

        We’re lucky in a way that the Tories are too busy running the country to grind this stuff in our faces.

        • 191
          CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

          Jimmy’l be along to claim the winter of discontent never happened.

          He still denies there were 1200 Staffs NHS “patients” killed.

        • 222
          Jack says:

          And what about Sunny Jim and Denis Healey having to go to the IMF begging to be bailed out ?

          They have short memories or no memories at all

      • 145
        nellnewman says:

        I think the smell of rubbish piling up on the streets was one of the things – but don’t forget how the marxists also prevented us from burying our dead and cut our energy supplies so that we were were cold, couldn’t light our homes and couldn’t cook food.

        They really enjoyed that exercise of power just as the mad kim jong un does in n.korea!!

        • 152
          Che says:

          I feel quite sorry for the kid.
          Indoctrinated by faux socialist teacher parents at such an early age without the brains or guts to experience life or make his own choices.

          • Stan the man says:

            As a genuine member of the ‘working class ‘,who didn’t have the benefit of middle class parents or an Oxbridge education,I’m fed up with the likes of Owen Jones falsely claiming to represent people like me.

          • Matilda says:

            Stan, please don’t make a list of all the others – you know, Toynbee, Ali Baba, all at the BBC, Graudian, Mirror etc – I don’t have the bandwidth to cope with that. Thanks.

      • 173
        Jimmy says:

        “3 day week”

        You people really are going to have to get your talking points straight.

        • 192
          CarryHole is a silly Hunt says:

          Another thing that you can deny happening!

          So Staffs NHS is wonderful
          No one’s dodgily claiming disability.
          Winter of Discontent was a holiday.

          At least you’re consistent. Nothing you say is truthful.

          • Jimmy says:

            Who’s denying it?

          • Anonymous says:

            Hehe, Jimmy is in a constant state of denial. The cretin would have us all living in a dreary Ken Loach movie about commie collectives in some sweaty shithole.

          • Matilda says:

            Did Jimmy actually have to live through that 3 day week mayhem or was he still in nappies – or even not a twinkle in his daddy’s eye?

        • 196
          Anonymous says:

          Perhaps a good talking point would be why we always seem to be in deep poo after every fucking Labour government we’ve ever had.

    • 186
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Jones, you really are an arsewipe of the highest order. You have no idea of hardship, none whatsoever. Go away, go on, piss off.

    • 232
      Margaret Thatcher says:

      To be fair to that mongy little poofter, I HAVE cast a long shadow for all this time. Even though I am now just a silly addled old woman, my name still crops up all the time in political conversation, even in twenty-whatever-year-this-is.

      • 246
        Nick Robinson says:

        Margaret, you are nothing to the political giant that is David Miliband.

        His impact on British politics will be felt down the ages, his towering achievements hinted at (but never identified, that might be a short conversation) over drinks at North London dinner parties for decades to come.

        Apart from the bit regarding extraordinary rendition and torture of British citizens. We don’t talk about that.

  30. 126
    general58 says:

    In 2010 Channel 4 aired a series called Tower Block of Commons, where 4 MP’s were asked to spend eight days and nights with four families who are unemployed and thus on benefits. IDS lasted less than twenty four hours as his wife was diagnosed with cancer. He would have obviously known that she would have been in for consultations and tests, so it begs the question as to why he went on the programme at all. Leaving his wife aside, it could have been nothing more than a publicity stunt in the run up to the general election.
    IDS, and all his tory mates live a lifestyle fully funded by the taxpayer and therefore has no conception of poverty or the need to go without. He said he could live on £53 a week because he knows damn well he will never have to. In reality he wouldn’t last a pico second and I suggest that all tories live on £53 a week until the next general election with their expenses backed up by receipts only with no allowances payable.
    Don’t forget we are all in this together

  31. 141
    Blowing Whistles says:

    So a fat female plod sues for £50 grand for tripping up – and she’s encouraged to do so by the legal ambulance chasers.

    While 100′s of soldiers lose life and limb and get sweet FA.

    The pigs sign up for the job while soliders sign up for the job also. I wonder what the soldiers and their families think about these fucking stinking plods who do feck all all day but whinge on about themselves being on the ‘front line’ out on the streets of Britain?


    • 150
      nellnewman says:

      Well your language is a little ripe. But your sentiment is correct . Unfortunately this is the culture that labour encouraged during 13 years of government and still encourages today .

      It is called labour’s ‘ something for nothing’ policy. Or ‘how to get rich quick’

      • 153
        Blowing Whistles says:

        It is beyond time that the politicised by labour marxist police federation was banned / outlawed / disbanded. Plebgate / a twitter federation cop ‘Nicholas Manning’ throwing political dirty contrary to the law etc…

      • 155
        Blowing Whistles says:

        btw Nell do excuse my use of colloquial English – there ain’t a judge in the fucking land who has not used similar.

        • 198
          Anonymous says:

          But that is the real malady. The Judges. In a real world they would actually do their job and put a stop to this type of stupidity immediately.

          The whole legal system is however set up for fees. They do not care about justice.

          I tried to protect our lives, at short notice, and was insulted and ridiculed by a Judge. Less than 4 months later a death occurred because of his actions. He protected a negligent group of tax funded people who have been proven to ignore their duty. The judges intention was to make the biggest deal out of the situation he could, or silence me. To protect my life I was forced to be silent, and then threatened.

          Do not blame the Police, she would not have done it without help from the corrupt legal system. Those that helped her are those that become judges.

          • A P Herbert says:

            When a country has a ‘Ministry of Justice’ you can be sure that there will never be justice for the little guys.

    • 163
      JH38479823498234 says:

      Having seen the WPC in question, she would not be much use apart from getting her to sit on a criminal until help arrived.

    • 181
      Ed Miliabnd says:

      Plod has also tripped up in Downing Street. Let’s hope the truth comes out, Mitchell wins, and plod gets his just desserts.

  32. 157
    nellnewman says:

    I remember the winter of discontent .We couldn’t bury my grandma . Rubbish was piled up outside our house and rats were rampant.

    There was no electricity and we were dependent on candles for light . There was no heat – we wrapped ourselves up in blankets to keep warm and Mum made flat bread type stuff , as and when we could get power , to feed us.

    Oh yes labour was really rubbish at looking after the working classes and still is!!

    • 162
      jobs for the boys says:

      Socialists keep everyone dependent on the state.

      • 165
        nellnewman says:

        Yep! gordon understood that . Make people dependent on the state,at the expense of decent hardworking folks, and win elections!!

        Of course he didn’t do that . But he came close and militwit hopes next time he will succeed!

    • 206
      Resident of 96.99% white Merseyside says:

      I just about remember 1948 too.

  33. 164
    nellnewman says:

    Can’t help feeling there’s a real marie antoinette labour moment going on here .

    chuckuumumna , bliar, militwit, mandy and bullyballs in their millionaire labour mansions saying to the rest of us – ‘ eat cake’ !!

    • 174
      Champagne Socialists says:

      Don’t 4get Polly, Wedgy Benn, Gorgon, Harperson, Jowell, Dodgy Hodge and Cameron

      • 180
        Emily Thornberry says:

        And Me and my mate Tristram wots his name and all the Millionaires that we made up to Lords for services rendered.

    • 233
      Maria Antonia von Habsburg, "Queen Marie Antoinette" of France says:

      “Let ‘em eat cake!”

      I never actually said it, though. It was said, supposedly, by the queen under Louis XIV, Maria Teresa von Habsburg of Spain, “Queen Marie-Therese” of France (not to be confused with my mother, Maria Theresia of Austria). But you know how it is– after the Revolution, people started getting all their Louies and Maries messed up, and somehow it got attributed to me, even though the book the quote was published in was printed in 1769, Louis XVI was not even King yet and I wasn’t even married to him, being only fourteen at the time. But then again, people couldn’t Google at the time to look up this sort of shit.

      • 241
        E. Balls - Headmaster - Lefty Thickies' Academy says:

        Sorry, history was all in the past and no longer exists. That is all, You may go.

    • 257
      q says:

      why you rather stupidly continue to think that bliar and balls and byrne and mandy are left wing is anyone’s gues – because nobody else does – they are all rght wing nutjobs, henchmen and dribblers for the elites

  34. 169
    Asking TooToo Milibana says:

    By the way What is wrong with someone being a Fascist? AFAIK it is perfectly legal just as it is to be a socialist, communist, Liberal or gayer

  35. 172
    "It's just lads" says:

    This is how Emily Fatbelly dealt with the McBride smear campaign. She tries to minimise a planned campaign against the spouses of Tory MPs as being “just lads”. Pathetic cretin.

  36. 178
    fitz fitz says:

    Mandy’s 8 milllion ?

    • 230
      Crooked libel lawyers says:

      Any mention of Mandelson and his riches is forbidden

      We will be putting out a super gapping censoring injunction to prove our guilt

  37. 188
    Sense of humour failure says:

  38. 190
    BREAKING NEWS!!! says:

    TONY BLAIR HAS DIED!!! Sources say he suffered a stroke at his holiday home in Monaco.

    From the BBC News website:

    Reports coming in that the former prime minister, Tony Blair, has died of a stroke in Monaco.

    • 200
      Vinnie Garstrokes says:

      That’s not remotely amusing – you’ll have got people’s hopes up and they’ll be disappointed.

      • 204
        Resident of 96.99% white Merseyside says:

        So, we’ve got a state funeral to look forward to?

      • 205
        BREAKING NEWS!!! says:

        Yes, I do apologise for that. It was very cruel of me to get people’s hopes up like that.

        • 225
          Gleeful Reaper says:

          You did, and it was! My boss Satan was a bit flustered by it too as he hasn’t got Blair’s room ready for him yet.

    • 228
      Chilcot says:

      Does that mean I can shred my report then?

      • 242
        Catty Comment (Ms) says:

        It would be of tremendous assistance to us all if you actually set about starting to write it.

        • 253
          On time and to budget says:

          Can you just post all the evidence you have collected on the internet and call it quits .

          Have any members of your committee died yet ?

  39. 203
    Dead Pan says:

    Accepting that the Yanks have a strange sense of humour. Did anyone and I mean anyone find that precocious sprog pretending to be Barry Obama remotely funny?

  40. 207
    Keith Southall says:

    Well Guido you may get your favorite Guiness spiller back…god help England or should i say englistan

  41. 213
    EU Watch says:

    Cyprus Parliament President Says “No Future” Under Troika, Calls For “Iceland” Solution


    A graph is worth a thousand words…

    • 227
      Jack says:

      Iceland solution = “freezing” deposits indefinitely…

      Is that what depositors want?

      Or do the Cypriots simply want to renege?!

  42. 224
    Labour Voting Scum says:

    So its ok for Labour to lie and smear but when the shoe is on the other foot. They don’t like it!

    • 249
      Leftard says:

      Yes but we lie, smear, obfuscate, manipulate and destroy for the right reasons.

      • 258
        albacore says:

        Lord, even with all the information technology
        P C stays the prevailing popular theology
        What silly sod reckoned you couldn’t fool folks all the time?
        April fools all the year round – it’s just so daft, it’s sublime

  43. 226
    Jack says:

    Mandy’s £8 million…

    New scandal brewing Guido?

  44. 247
    Lost in Clacton says:

    A Cyprus free from the shackles of the EU will be a free Cyprus and a prosperous Cyprus .

    • 248
      Sheep first women and children second says:

      We have simply got to keep these eastern Mediterraneans in their place .

      If we do not the consequences will simply be to horrendous to contemplate.

      People in the West who have paid ridiculously high prices for houses they only bought to turn a quick buck will lose thousands as will people who spend their time looking at Bank statements showing silly figures indicating monopoly style money .

      A lot of people will find themselves driving around in uninsured cars when the insurance companies fail but that is no reason to clobber the poor old taxpayer the majority of whom would be quite happy to keep their car at home for a couple of days whilst they find a new insurer safe in the knowledge that they will have lower taxes in the future

  45. 255
    q says:

    iain duncan smith – if it looks like a fascist, smells like a fascist, acts like a fascist, talks like a fascist – it must be a tory mp

  46. 266
    Weygand says:

    Miliband could see there was no place for a left winger in Di Canio’s system.

    Apparently no truth in rumour that a political opponents have started a new movement known as Centre Forward.

Seen Elsewhere

Cocaine Conservatives | Standard
Jezza Browne Responds to LibDem Haters | LibDem Voice
Why Britain Needs to Leave the EU | Douglas Carswell
Literally No One is Watching London Live | MediaGuido
Who Tells Ed When He’s Wrong? | Speccie
Hands Off Our Cojones, Mr Clegg | Laura Perrins
London Live Averaging Just 2,400 Viewers | Forbes
Ed’s Constitutional Failure | ConHome
UKIP Poster Girl’s Naked Photos | Sun
Miliband’s Radical Old Labour Agenda | Fraser Nelson
Meet Team Miliband | Dan Hodges

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Nick Clegg says:

Do you want lies with that?

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