March 26th, 2013

Handy-cock Hit at Hearing – Full Sleaze Investigation Launched

It only took them two hours, but Guido hears that Portsmouth City Council misconduct hearing from self-confessed teen fondler Mike Hancock have decided to launch a full investigation into the MPs alleged harassment of a mentally ill constituent. As Guido reported yesterday, this could have by-election triggering consequences.  Developing…

UPDATE:


122 Comments

  1. 1
    Handycock says:

    FML Boaz

    • 3
      V1le, vicious Labour ruined my Country says:

      All the LimpDumbs should be investigated for strange habits.

    • 11
      Vince Cable says:

      Mike Hancock? I’ve checked my diary and I’ve never heard of him and we’ve never had any complaints about him. EVER

      • 17
        Nick Clegg says:

        My lawyers are preparing a statement for me to issue on Sunday evening. In the meantime I am sure you will agree that as the matter is now sub justice I can say no more, not that I can remember anything anyway.

        • 45
          Nick says:

          I never know about it, no one told me about it, and I never read it on any news paper.

      • 22
        Nick Clegg says:

        Mijn advocaten bereiden een verklaring voor mij uit te geven op zondagavond. In de tussentijd ben ik ervan overtuigd dat u het ermee eens dat als de zaak is nu onder de rechter kan ik niet meer zeggen, niet dat ik kan er toch niets herinneren

    • 37
      fruitcake says:

      was it the freemasons day off Mike?

    • 105
      David Fuller says:

      Michael is currently unavailable for comment as he is too busy with his other bit on the side at my brothel in Fareham.

      If that Mr Crick wants to come around later he will have to pay a £20 fee but refreshments are included.

      Entry is however on the house for my old chum Peter Henley and any of my comrades at the Portsmouth News.

      • 119
        Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

        They are appointing an independent Lawyer to carry out the investigation because all the senior officers are members of the Craft. make sure he is a member too please Grand Master. Boaz.

  2. 2
    Chris Hunhe says:

    I am learning to parachute in prison.

    • 20
      Anonymous says:

      Without a rip cord hopefully!

      • 29
        One can always hope says:

        Witout a fucking parachute would be more reassuring.

        • 94
          (S)hit and (don't) miss says:

          Bubba said he was going to make Chris feel right at home after lights out – Bubba was going to be Mark Oatham, and Chris was going to be the glass coffee table.

          SWEET!

    • 111
      No more wrong uns please says:

      Thought you’d be expert at the high jump by now Chris.

  3. 4
    colour n. says:

    what could come into play is definition of mental illn.

  4. 5
    Barack Omaha, chief trendy lefty says:

    We’re all immigrants. All people everywhere are immigrants – because one day hundreds of years ago somebody cam there. So there is no such thing as a society. Because it makes no difference if you’re part of a small group who came 150 years ago who then became Americans or if you’re one of 10 million illegal immigrants from Mexico determined not to assimilate. Strangely enough hit13r had the same feelings – society is all about bloodlines not culture – guess he was right about that one thing.

    Yes – some people moving to the US a century ago, forming a settled society where everyone assimilated and paid their own way is exactly the same as 3 millions unemployed bulgarians moving to UK to get free healthcare, housing, education.

    Trust me, it’s nothing to do with me wanting to break up traditional society and cultures where people are self-reliant and patriotic. No, no, I wouldn’t do that. I did see new labour did it to rub your noses in it, but me, I’m a nice guy.

    • 13
      Running Bear says:

      “We’re all immigrants.”

      I’m not

      • 23
        The Indian Child namer says:

        Why are you interested in your name Two Dogs Fucking?

        • 36
          Grandma taking a crap says:

          Can you explain my name too?

          • I wanted to be Pope but failed the oral says:

            I’m afraid you are, Walks Unsteadily From The Bar. Most likely during the ice age from Asia. No humans or apes, on current data, developed anywhere in the Americas. Just dangerous things like snakes, bears, scorpions and the Los Angeles Police department.

    • 25
      T May says:

      Yankee Go Home

      • 46
        Dopey Dave Cameron says:

        That’s right Theresa, send any Americans home, but we need more bulgarians.

  5. 6
    Bubba in Cell Block 3 says:

    Me and Cletus wanna tag-team Handy with our new boy, Chris. Yeeehaw!

    • 10
      Anonymous says:

      Bubba to Handy…

      “Please give me a chance, you never know my princess xxx”

  6. 7
    Wanda Ringhands says:

    Now why can’t I get a groper for an MP eh?

  7. 9
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    Might new LODGINGS be required, Jahbulon?

  8. 12
    Chris Huhne says:

    Prison isn’t so bad, just the other day a friendly chap offered to give me a teabag

    • 19
      ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:

      Sorry to disappoint: I’m in a nice cushy hotel Open Prison.

      • 32

        Where’s Norman Stanley these days? Is he still posting, or has been released ?

        • 81
          Curly wonders says:

          More to the point, how come somebody who perverted the course of justice – a felony which can carry a life sentence – lied to everybody for 10 years right up to the day before his trial, and cost the taxpayers hundreds of thousands of pounds in court time etc, manages to get out if jail in just 7 days. Surely something cannot be right about all this.

      • 35
        Chris Huhne says:

        I’ve been taught a new song by my new mates.

        A finger o’ Fudge is just enough .

      • 56
        damned impertinent questions says:

        Chris Huhne moved to open prison after seven days in Wandsworth jail …..following complaints from fellow inmates he was lowering the tone of the joint?

      • 61
        (I don't need no doctor) says:

        Can Huhne tell the difference between his cushy prison and the HOC?

        • 72
          A Lag says:

          There is a better class of nonce hanging out in the gym and you don’t have to fill out any expenses forms to get drunk

        • 77
          Mike Spilligan says:

          The drinks will be more expensive in prison

  9. 14
    Guido Fawkes & Owen Jones Coalition says:

    Good to hear Owen Jones on Sky: The government is using austerity to carry out their “Pet Projects” they’d never otherwise get away with.

    • 21
      Owin Jokes says:

      You’re a nasty piece of work, aren’t you ?

    • 42
      Edith Milliband says:

      Pet Projects…is that a Handycock reference?

    • 78
      Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

      Absolutely correct. They’re going much further in dismantling the Welfare State than Thatcher ever dared.

      • 82
        Curly says:

        … but she did not have to contend with 50 million immigrants taking up all the resources and had other matters on her mind – like putting the likes of Scargill back in his (taxpayer subsidised) box.

        • 96
          I like Miners, not Minors - I'm not a priest! says:

          Scargill in a box – hmm, that would bring out a warm smile on a cold day.

          Bet the BBC would do a lovely hagiographic eulogy on the traitor – not just to this country, but to his own members.

  10. 18
    All the fun of a lynching without the mess says:

    Innocent until proven guilty.

    Nothing to hide, nothing to fear.

    Trusty sword of truth.

    Day in court.

    Never apologize, never explain.

    Right not to self incriminate.

    Burden of proof.

    Test the evidence.

    Spare the family the embarrassment.

    Put all this behind me.

    Turn over a new leaf.

    He who is without sin.

    Hang the bastard.

  11. 26
    Ann Job says:

    Can’t see what the fuss is all about, all he did was offer to give the girl a necklace

  12. 27
    Owen Jones says:

    I am a hero.

  13. 28
    What Eddie Mair did not say. says:

    “You are a nasty piece of work aren’t you?”

  14. 31
    The Grand master, The Grand Lodge, Great Queen Street says:

    All the best Handy. So mote it be. Jahbulon.

  15. 38
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Just had a dump that reminded me of Comic Relief

    A massive effort just for some little brown shit

  16. 40
    Joey Barton says:

    Clearly this was just an example of text autocorrect going wrong. What he intended to text was

    “I want to jizz on your jugs xxx”

  17. 41
    Casual Observer says:

    Could be good opportunity for UKIP if by-election results.

    At 2010 GE, Handycock had a 12.6% majority over Cons (33.25%), and UKIP got 2.12%

    Labour were 13.67%

    If by-election is called will be interesting to see what effect the postal votes have.

    Safe to assume that possible by-election would be after May, and full investigation will not take 3 years ?

    • 48
      Will says:

      I reckon if a by election. nigel should stand. You would win it by a nautical mile. They will vote you in down their.

      It would be another lib dem wipe out.

      Think of the photo opportunities UKIP defending our sea borders

      • 60
        Casual Observer says:

        Not sure Nigel would – he has got bigger fish to fry in the euro elections.

        Will be good to see who they do get: Diane James was super strong and perhaps should not be ruled out, but anyone comparable to her would be awesome.

        • 118
          Pompey Voter says:

          We would welcome Diane James here in Portsmouth South. She did a great job at Eastleigh – the only candidate who actually looked and sounded the part. UKIP’s time has come – and Portsmouth is the right place to prove it.

      • 86
        Curly wonders says:

        They need to ban all postal voting prior to any election. The Limpdems on the council have far too many advantages in this field.

        Can an amendment to voting law be put through using the Statutory Order procedure to make an amendment to an existing Act?

        • 98
          Magaluf Engerlander says:

          UKRAP defending our sea borders – would that be against the invasion of truth regarding the off shore “Education Trust” of Nige “man of the people” Farage?

    • 100
      Enriched Eric of Enfield representing Postal Votes R `Us says:

      Any postal unused ballots will be collected usefully by The Enrichment, no doubt.

  18. 43
    PervyPatrol says:

    Yep we’ve got a live one here!!… orf with his cock!

  19. 47
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Went to the local brothel and the madam had all the girls lie on the table with their legs wide open. I thought “Great, a finger buffet”.

    • 55
      Sir Les Patterson says:

      Dave, always go to a brothel with a name that sounds like a restaurant so that when Sam finds the receipt (needed for the expenses) and asks you if you “had a nice mouthful at the Golden Orchid?” you can reply in all honesty that you did.

    • 73
      As Col.San*ders says:

      its Finger Lic*king Good then…..!!!! (but steady on the salt)

      • 99
        Mark Oatham's credit card receipt says:

        And avoid the “Champagne and Caviar” special. Trust me on this.

    • 115
      David Fuller says:

      Only £20 a time @ my brothel in Fareham Dave.

      Don’t grass me to the local council though.

      Have as many finger buffets as you like as long as you leave Handycock alone.

      Its a good form of treatment for Handy in a way as its helps deal with all the stress too.

      If its not Guido its the Guerilla and if its not the Express its Crick.

      Why can’t they let Handy have an easy ride like The News and Peter Henley always do?

      Boaz

  20. 49
    Will says:

    what is it with pervy liberals cant keep their trousers up. Gawd they are as bad as boris

  21. 50
    Bob Crow says:

    Guido,let’s agree that action by the two biggest UK unions, representing jointly 2.5m+ workers, is A Good Thing. And part as friends*.

    • 67
      Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

      Don’t you mean 2.5m employees? There’s a difference between being employed and doing some work.

      • 88
        Curly says:

        Bob, you are at last beginning to realise that unions have passed their sell-by date. It is now really only in the transport sector, and particularly in the London underground, that you have any power, and if all the dr**ers come out, we all have a perfect excuse for not being able to get to work; so go ahead, but remember that the staff start to rack up pension and other losses the longer they are out. Not of course that that bothers you with your overpaid indulgences. Maybe your members will wake up one fine day and realise how you and your mates have been taking them all for a ride (literally!).

        The other main union is the civil service – and if they go on strike who cares? Nobody will actually notice – and while they are away they are not gold-plating and refining any more EU crap for us.

        • 89
          Curly says:

          2nd time lucky; forget about the carriage motion operatives. Silly me!

          • Choo Choo man go fuckoffski says:

            And it will push BoJo to fund further driver-less trains – works well on some lines, like Victoria.

          • Choo Choo man go fuckoffski says:

            Just delete the useless door opener and his pension requirements.

    • 87
      Curly says:

      Bob, you are at last beginning to realise that unions have passed their sell-by date. It is now really only in the transport sector, and particularly in the London underground, that you have any power, and if all the drivers come out, we all have a perfect excuse for not being able to get to work; so go ahead, but remember that the staff start to rack up pension and other losses the longer they are out. Not of course that that bothers you with you overpaid indulgences. May be you members will wake up one fine day and realise how you and your mates have been taking them all for a ride (literally!).

      The other main union is the civil service – and if they go on strike who cares? Nobody will actually notice – and while they are away they are not gold-plating and refining any more EU crap for us.

  22. 53
    Tony Benn says:

    SOCIALISM!

  23. 57
    Theresa May says:

    We are splitting up the UKBA. It will be split into 4

    U, K, B, and A

    • 59
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Was Yvette Cooper flat lining on immigration?

    • 103
      HM-RC head bitch says:

      Duh

    • 116
      A unHelpful Civil Servant says:

      Cost of setting up the UK “No” Bor*der Con*trols divi*sion = £500*M a few

      years ago….

      Now the new restructuring costs are projected to be £8.5 Billion & rising

      every year without the gold plated pen*sions included…………..

      Defi*cit redu*ction…..it gets big*ger all the time…….without our help!!

  24. 58
    Mike Hancock's speaking bathroom mirror says:

    What you staring at pervert.

  25. 62
    Flick Drummond says:

    Absolutely spiffing news. I will lead the Tory campaign in Portsmouth just as soon as my agent gets a map so I can find it.I also need to find a stable for my
    horse as this time I intend to campaign on horseback. The 2010 campaign was a disaster as that slippy sod Handycock knew all the rear entrances in the place
    and left me standing. This time Im ready. Tally ho Portsmouth here I come

  26. 64

    Another by-election? Only possible if Portsmouth City council is declared as an ‘Alzheimer Free Zone’!

    • 68
      Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

      This business shouldn’t just trigger a by-election. There ought to be a trial. Or are the local police and prosecutors in on handycock’s sick sexual shenanigans?

  27. 69
    sally at the seaside says:

    Portsmouth City Council has now announced the investigation panel.

    chairperson-Gary Glitter
    Vice-chairperson-Dave Lee Travis
    legal advisor-Chris Huhne

    All meetings to be held at Councillor Fullers house. Bubblewrap optional.

  28. 76
  29. 78
    Bert Snatcher member of UKIP.Org says:

    Q. Could this mean Handy*cock will have to be suspended (by his bol*lax)

    from the H o C by Mr Squeaker until the full enquiry has taken place &

    the findings published ???

    Maybe another Chilterns One Hundred announcement is on the way

    sooner rather than later !!!!

    • 90
      Curly says:

      That Chilterns One Hundred must be approaching close to 125 by now!

      • 113
        Bert Snatcher member of UKIP.Org says:

        Should be over 300 by now if you include all the Zanu*Lie*Labor

        mem*bers of the HoC who got away with it……well so far !!!

  30. 104
    ukip if u want but lets save England (and Wales I suppose) says:

    NIGEL………this one boy, get ready.

  31. 106
    Micky Handikapkok says:

    Has the slimeball not resigned yet?

  32. 112
    The Jun*ior Coal*ition Partner's Mem*bership Secretary says:

    There no record of anyone by the name of Handy*dick ever being a

    member of our fantastic EUS*SR luving *Leb*Dims* which is both kind

    & considerate plus always very truthful & never tells any any lies

    what so ever.

    Hope that puts an end to the wild speculation in the media, for which

    they must be all regulated by ever restrictive legislation .

    Plus a 25% legally enforceable “donation” from everyone’s bank account,

    located anywhere in the world. To help spread the word for what we really

    stand for to everyone……. principals something

    we have never had & will never aspire to…


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Sarkozy Tried it on With Hollande’s Ex | Times
Another Spare Room Subsidy Cut Success | Harry Phibbs
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UKIP’s Immigration Policy Promotes Migrant Entrepreneurs | Breitbart
Another Feminist Lecture | Laura Perrins
UKIP Posters Bad Economics But Good Politics | James Delingpole
Tories Losing to UKIP in Scotland | ConHome


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A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”



Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.


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