March 26th, 2013

Handy-cock Hit at Hearing – Full Sleaze Investigation Launched

It only took them two hours, but Guido hears that Portsmouth City Council misconduct hearing from self-confessed teen fondler Mike Hancock have decided to launch a full investigation into the MPs alleged harassment of a mentally ill constituent. As Guido reported yesterday, this could have by-election triggering consequences.  Developing…

UPDATE:


122 Comments

  1. 1
    Handycock says:

    FML Boaz

    Like

  2. 2
    Chris Hunhe says:

    I am learning to parachute in prison.

    Like

  3. 4
    colour n. says:

    what could come into play is definition of mental illn.

    Like

  4. 5
    Barack Omaha, chief trendy lefty says:

    We’re all immigrants. All people everywhere are immigrants – because one day hundreds of years ago somebody cam there. So there is no such thing as a society. Because it makes no difference if you’re part of a small group who came 150 years ago who then became Americans or if you’re one of 10 million illegal immigrants from Mexico determined not to assimilate. Strangely enough hit13r had the same feelings – society is all about bloodlines not culture – guess he was right about that one thing.

    Yes – some people moving to the US a century ago, forming a settled society where everyone assimilated and paid their own way is exactly the same as 3 millions unemployed bulgarians moving to UK to get free healthcare, housing, education.

    Trust me, it’s nothing to do with me wanting to break up traditional society and cultures where people are self-reliant and patriotic. No, no, I wouldn’t do that. I did see new labour did it to rub your noses in it, but me, I’m a nice guy.

    Like

  5. 6
    Bubba in Cell Block 3 says:

    Me and Cletus wanna tag-team Handy with our new boy, Chris. Yeeehaw!

    Like

  6. 7
    Wanda Ringhands says:

    Now why can’t I get a groper for an MP eh?

    Like

  7. 9
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    Might new LODGINGS be required, Jahbulon?

    Like

  8. 12
    Chris Huhne says:

    Prison isn’t so bad, just the other day a friendly chap offered to give me a teabag

    Like

    • 19
      ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:

      Sorry to disappoint: I’m in a nice cushy hotel Open Prison.

      Like

      • 32

        Where’s Norman Stanley these days? Is he still posting, or has been released ?

        Like

        • 81
          Curly wonders says:

          More to the point, how come somebody who perverted the course of justice – a felony which can carry a life sentence – lied to everybody for 10 years right up to the day before his trial, and cost the taxpayers hundreds of thousands of pounds in court time etc, manages to get out if jail in just 7 days. Surely something cannot be right about all this.

          Like

      • 35
        Chris Huhne says:

        I’ve been taught a new song by my new mates.

        A finger o’ Fudge is just enough .

        Like

      • 56
        damned impertinent questions says:

        Chris Huhne moved to open prison after seven days in Wandsworth jail …..following complaints from fellow inmates he was lowering the tone of the joint?

        Like

      • 61
        (I don't need no doctor) says:

        Can Huhne tell the difference between his cushy prison and the HOC?

        Like

  9. 14
    Guido Fawkes & Owen Jones Coalition says:

    Good to hear Owen Jones on Sky: The government is using austerity to carry out their “Pet Projects” they’d never otherwise get away with.

    Like

    • 21
      Owin Jokes says:

      You’re a nasty piece of work, aren’t you ?

      Like

    • 42
      Edith Milliband says:

      Pet Projects…is that a Handycock reference?

      Like

    • 78
      Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

      Absolutely correct. They’re going much further in dismantling the Welfare State than Thatcher ever dared.

      Like

      • 82
        Curly says:

        … but she did not have to contend with 50 million immigrants taking up all the resources and had other matters on her mind – like putting the likes of Scargill back in his (taxpayer subsidised) box.

        Like

        • 96
          I like Miners, not Minors - I'm not a priest! says:

          Scargill in a box – hmm, that would bring out a warm smile on a cold day.

          Bet the BBC would do a lovely hagiographic eulogy on the traitor – not just to this country, but to his own members.

          Like

  10. 18
    All the fun of a lynching without the mess says:

    Innocent until proven guilty.

    Nothing to hide, nothing to fear.

    Trusty sword of truth.

    Day in court.

    Never apologize, never explain.

    Right not to self incriminate.

    Burden of proof.

    Test the evidence.

    Spare the family the embarrassment.

    Put all this behind me.

    Turn over a new leaf.

    He who is without sin.

    Hang the bastard.

    Like

  11. 26
    Ann Job says:

    Can’t see what the fuss is all about, all he did was offer to give the girl a necklace

    Like

  12. 27
    Owen Jones says:

    I am a hero.

    Like

  13. 28
    What Eddie Mair did not say. says:

    “You are a nasty piece of work aren’t you?”

    Like

  14. 31
    The Grand master, The Grand Lodge, Great Queen Street says:

    All the best Handy. So mote it be. Jahbulon.

    Like

  15. 38
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Just had a dump that reminded me of Comic Relief

    A massive effort just for some little brown shit

    Like

  16. 40
    Joey Barton says:

    Clearly this was just an example of text autocorrect going wrong. What he intended to text was

    “I want to jizz on your jugs xxx”

    Like

  17. 41
    Casual Observer says:

    Could be good opportunity for UKIP if by-election results.

    At 2010 GE, Handycock had a 12.6% majority over Cons (33.25%), and UKIP got 2.12%

    Labour were 13.67%

    If by-election is called will be interesting to see what effect the postal votes have.

    Safe to assume that possible by-election would be after May, and full investigation will not take 3 years ?

    Like

    • 48
      Will says:

      I reckon if a by election. nigel should stand. You would win it by a nautical mile. They will vote you in down their.

      It would be another lib dem wipe out.

      Think of the photo opportunities UKIP defending our sea borders

      Like

      • 60
        Casual Observer says:

        Not sure Nigel would – he has got bigger fish to fry in the euro elections.

        Will be good to see who they do get: Diane James was super strong and perhaps should not be ruled out, but anyone comparable to her would be awesome.

        Like

        • 118
          Pompey Voter says:

          We would welcome Diane James here in Portsmouth South. She did a great job at Eastleigh – the only candidate who actually looked and sounded the part. UKIP’s time has come – and Portsmouth is the right place to prove it.

          Like

      • 86
        Curly wonders says:

        They need to ban all postal voting prior to any election. The Limpdems on the council have far too many advantages in this field.

        Can an amendment to voting law be put through using the Statutory Order procedure to make an amendment to an existing Act?

        Like

        • 98
          Magaluf Engerlander says:

          UKRAP defending our sea borders – would that be against the invasion of truth regarding the off shore “Education Trust” of Nige “man of the people” Farage?

          Like

    • 100
      Enriched Eric of Enfield representing Postal Votes R `Us says:

      Any postal unused ballots will be collected usefully by The Enrichment, no doubt.

      Like

  18. 43
    PervyPatrol says:

    Yep we’ve got a live one here!!… orf with his cock!

    Like

  19. 47
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Went to the local brothel and the madam had all the girls lie on the table with their legs wide open. I thought “Great, a finger buffet”.

    Like

    • 55
      Sir Les Patterson says:

      Dave, always go to a brothel with a name that sounds like a restaurant so that when Sam finds the receipt (needed for the expenses) and asks you if you “had a nice mouthful at the Golden Orchid?” you can reply in all honesty that you did.

      Like

    • 73
      As Col.San*ders says:

      its Finger Lic*king Good then…..!!!! (but steady on the salt)

      Like

      • 99
        Mark Oatham's credit card receipt says:

        And avoid the “Champagne and Caviar” special. Trust me on this.

        Like

    • 115
      David Fuller says:

      Only £20 a time @ my brothel in Fareham Dave.

      Don’t grass me to the local council though.

      Have as many finger buffets as you like as long as you leave Handycock alone.

      Its a good form of treatment for Handy in a way as its helps deal with all the stress too.

      If its not Guido its the Guerilla and if its not the Express its Crick.

      Why can’t they let Handy have an easy ride like The News and Peter Henley always do?

      Boaz

      Like

  20. 49
    Will says:

    what is it with pervy liberals cant keep their trousers up. Gawd they are as bad as boris

    Like

  21. 50
    Bob Crow says:

    Guido,let’s agree that action by the two biggest UK unions, representing jointly 2.5m+ workers, is A Good Thing. And part as friends*.

    Like

    • 67
      Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

      Don’t you mean 2.5m employees? There’s a difference between being employed and doing some work.

      Like

      • 88
        Curly says:

        Bob, you are at last beginning to realise that unions have passed their sell-by date. It is now really only in the transport sector, and particularly in the London underground, that you have any power, and if all the dr**ers come out, we all have a perfect excuse for not being able to get to work; so go ahead, but remember that the staff start to rack up pension and other losses the longer they are out. Not of course that that bothers you with your overpaid indulgences. Maybe your members will wake up one fine day and realise how you and your mates have been taking them all for a ride (literally!).

        The other main union is the civil service – and if they go on strike who cares? Nobody will actually notice – and while they are away they are not gold-plating and refining any more EU crap for us.

        Like

    • 87
      Curly says:

      Bob, you are at last beginning to realise that unions have passed their sell-by date. It is now really only in the transport sector, and particularly in the London underground, that you have any power, and if all the drivers come out, we all have a perfect excuse for not being able to get to work; so go ahead, but remember that the staff start to rack up pension and other losses the longer they are out. Not of course that that bothers you with you overpaid indulgences. May be you members will wake up one fine day and realise how you and your mates have been taking them all for a ride (literally!).

      The other main union is the civil service – and if they go on strike who cares? Nobody will actually notice – and while they are away they are not gold-plating and refining any more EU crap for us.

      Like

  22. 53
    Tony Benn says:

    SOCIALISM!

    Like

  23. 57
    Theresa May says:

    We are splitting up the UKBA. It will be split into 4

    U, K, B, and A

    Like

    • 59
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Was Yvette Cooper flat lining on immigration?

      Like

    • 103
      HM-RC head bitch says:

      Duh

      Like

    • 116
      A unHelpful Civil Servant says:

      Cost of setting up the UK “No” Bor*der Con*trols divi*sion = £500*M a few

      years ago….

      Now the new restructuring costs are projected to be £8.5 Billion & rising

      every year without the gold plated pen*sions included…………..

      Defi*cit redu*ction…..it gets big*ger all the time…….without our help!!

      Like

  24. 58
    Mike Hancock's speaking bathroom mirror says:

    What you staring at pervert.

    Like

  25. 62
    Flick Drummond says:

    Absolutely spiffing news. I will lead the Tory campaign in Portsmouth just as soon as my agent gets a map so I can find it.I also need to find a stable for my
    horse as this time I intend to campaign on horseback. The 2010 campaign was a disaster as that slippy sod Handycock knew all the rear entrances in the place
    and left me standing. This time Im ready. Tally ho Portsmouth here I come

    Like

  26. 64

    Another by-election? Only possible if Portsmouth City council is declared as an ‘Alzheimer Free Zone’!

    Like

    • 68
      Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

      This business shouldn’t just trigger a by-election. There ought to be a trial. Or are the local police and prosecutors in on handycock’s sick sexual shenanigans?

      Like

  27. 69
    sally at the seaside says:

    Portsmouth City Council has now announced the investigation panel.

    chairperson-Gary Glitter
    Vice-chairperson-Dave Lee Travis
    legal advisor-Chris Huhne

    All meetings to be held at Councillor Fullers house. Bubblewrap optional.

    Like

  28. 76
  29. 78
    Bert Snatcher member of UKIP.Org says:

    Q. Could this mean Handy*cock will have to be suspended (by his bol*lax)

    from the H o C by Mr Squeaker until the full enquiry has taken place &

    the findings published ???

    Maybe another Chilterns One Hundred announcement is on the way

    sooner rather than later !!!!

    Like

    • 90
      Curly says:

      That Chilterns One Hundred must be approaching close to 125 by now!

      Like

      • 113
        Bert Snatcher member of UKIP.Org says:

        Should be over 300 by now if you include all the Zanu*Lie*Labor

        mem*bers of the HoC who got away with it……well so far !!!

        Like

  30. 104
    ukip if u want but lets save England (and Wales I suppose) says:

    NIGEL………this one boy, get ready.

    Like

  31. 106
    Micky Handikapkok says:

    Has the slimeball not resigned yet?

    Like

  32. 112
    The Jun*ior Coal*ition Partner's Mem*bership Secretary says:

    There no record of anyone by the name of Handy*dick ever being a

    member of our fantastic EUS*SR luving *Leb*Dims* which is both kind

    & considerate plus always very truthful & never tells any any lies

    what so ever.

    Hope that puts an end to the wild speculation in the media, for which

    they must be all regulated by ever restrictive legislation .

    Plus a 25% legally enforceable “donation” from everyone’s bank account,

    located anywhere in the world. To help spread the word for what we really

    stand for to everyone……. principals something

    we have never had & will never aspire to…

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

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Why Should Men Get Equal Maternity Leave? | Laura Keynes
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Why’s Clegg Giving Men Paternity Leave? | Conservative Women
Cam Cannot Stem EU Immigration | David Keighley
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Politicians are Lying to You About Immigration | Alex Wickham
Give Journalists Public Interest Defence in Law | Guardian
Cameron is Going to Have to Deal With UKIP | Dan Hodges


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Progressive Inclusion Champion says:

Great to hear Carswell call for inclusive policies and that UKIP must stand for first and second generation immigrants as much as the English.


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