What would you do if your sexual habits had landed you under a police investigation and seen your professional career crumble? Write a sex novel obviously.

Well you would if you were Luke Bozier, who previously wrote online fiction about his nine inch penis. The first chapter of his racy novel the Adventures of Damian Gold is now online and though most of it is hardly suitable for a family blog, Guido thought he would share one amorous encounter from the scene set in a Starbucks toilets:

“Knock. Knock. Knock … Knock. ‘Come in, quickly.’ ‘How … romantic.’ At this I push Natasha against the wall, into the corner of the bathroom. Her back is to the wall, my hand is gripping her chin and jaw. ‘How about you shut up for five minutes?’ ‘Ok, I…’ ‘Shut. Up.’ Despite her annoying nature, there is something animal about having sex with this powerful woman. My body responds to her. I hate her but I want her. Still gripping her face, my teeth clench her bottom lip. My right hand is finding its way up her inner thigh, my forefinger tip-toeing past her garter belt, La Perla no doubt.”

Just who could this mysterious powerful lady with the “quaffed” hair and stylist clothes be? Or should that be coiffed?