Friday Caption Contest (Budget Brew Edition)
Labour Need to Answer Gove’s Questions | Kath Hinton
London’s Political Class Look Like Mobile Phone Salesmen | Speccie
Claire Perry’s Porn Proposals are Nonsense | Willard Foxton
Iran Will Get Bomb in Rouhani’s First Term | Noah Beck
Labour Council Slammed For Sick Cuts Propaganda | Standard
Why Won’t Clegg Condemn Saatchi? | James Kirkup
James Gandolfini v Malcolm Tucker | Ben Brogan
“Sorry Man, I Confused You With an R&B Singer” | FT
Nigel Evans Denies Allegations | BBC
Obama Negotiating With Terrorists | Con Coughlin
Boris Can Solve Tory Mess | Peter Oborne
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Andrew Pierce on Ed Balls…
“Porky Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls sweet-talked guests at a fund-raising dinner by saying if he wasn’t a politician, he would be a chef. That’s not surprising, since he was accused of cooking the Treasury books when he was Gordon Brown’s boot boy.”
UKIP Official Policy Dept says:
Bloody foreigners, coming over here taking all our twitter followers
Just wait till I impose my Mansion Tax
It will be a storm in gideon’s teacup
Lets see how long it takes for them to figure out that they are drinking piss.
“You could have smartened yourself up this, son.”
Isn’t that how Our Dave encourages cabinet colleagues to dress at Chequers?
A good 2 up, 2 down, for a first timer.
George, “So this is ah……” ?
Girl, “Kitchen.”
George, Ah, kitchen
So, you know all about Twitter then? I could get you a job at the Evening Standard if you’re looking..
Gideon: He looks like a nice boy, he has a nice smile just like me.
Gideon’s threesome got off to an awkward start
Three is a crowd.
They need to get a room.
How much for the little ones?
Can I have one?
Des Res meets Sub Prime
So…. This is awkward … I was hoping for a cuppa with little Ed
“Osbrowne proves this is the greenest government ever”
You’ve cancelled your holiday in Cyprus? Why’s that then?
which of you free interns put the budget together
“This tea tastes like piss..”
“Well, you’re taking iit..”
LOUSIE!
you think i am boring, just wait until balls is here
Psst.. is she Simon Cowell’s daughter?
Thats a nice little pad you have got this time guys..Must be your 7th or 8th Buy to Let property now guys..?
We all know what he is thinking…………
He looks just like X-man James McAvoy.
“Er.. GSCE grade D in Maths, um.. I’ve got an old Amstrad..”
“You’ve got the job. Ring the Treasury Monday..”
“And the thing is, they believed me”
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
George thought his next job was at IMF. Turns out it was MFI.
MFI spot on, translates Made for Idiots.
“And this is the new-build studio apartment you’ll be raising your family in for the next 30 years, you lucky people! No need to thank me…”
“..and look kids, my third home i intend to rent out”
Uhhhh…what’s wrong with being sexy?
Dianne of Cleaves?
Diane Fatbutt, Shadow Minister for Public health, you got to be joking!!
It would make the’ Public’ much healthier if she just cast her enourmous shadow somewhere else.
She could enter her Builder’s Cleavage. A runaway victory would be assured.
Glad to see the old bat is keeping abreast of important current affairs.
Only one black pair that’s totally wacist!
Wrong, those are Chukka Ummuna’s buttucks!
There’s nowt like free advertising – cheers Diane
It actually looks like a Labour party poster showing it’s cabinet ministers.
Diane @ Hackneyed Off.
Diane Abbott: “White men love playing divide and drool”
She’s got a nice bum.
no that’s the schanszhellor of the eggschzschekker
No, I am deadly serious, it’s mine now, please leave
There’s a shadow Chancellor behind you !
mines a large one!
Bugger this for a game of soldiers, I’m off down the commons bar for a drop of old subsidised.
Made in Chelsea series 5 not up to much
We thought we would never find anyone as thick as Joey. But we struck gold with this clown
do you have any ginger nuts to go with the tea
Yes, hang on i’ll just call Danny Alexander
Are the beds in yets….!!!!!
beds? – when i was yoong – we ‘ad to sleep ont’ floor!
That’s nothing, when I were a lad we didn’t even have a floor…
Bloody luxury, we used to live in a hole in the ground.
Osborne given new cabinet position
Try not to look sad that I sold the espresso machine
…and if you want some wallpaper, I’m your man.
Winner!
Like it SC.
That’s a good ‘un Cat, at least Gideon wasn’t let loose in the production plant
Only £150 a roll.
Don’t mention were getting hb ……lol………..lots of lolly
look darling, it was bad enough when you opened the door to the jehovahs witness, now you’ve let in a door-to-door wallpaper salesman
You’re not confusing Gideon with Boris are you?
Sorry that should have been the reply to No. 41
I suppose a shag is ou of the question
OK so these are the servants quarters then..everything clear?
LOUISE !!
pissing through the kitchen window? no you’ll have to share the landing bog with the other 10 families on this floor – and when that blocks don’t phone me!
Good heavens no! When I suggested DP, I meant Domino’s Pizzas.
“You do the front Ill do the back”
“Mmmmm– bit of an odd flavour, but not unpleasing; ‘Nancy Astor blend,’ I believe you called it?”
The new kitchen cabinet meeting up over a cuppa. Are they infiltraitors from hacked off?
“Louise?”
So, that’s it then, everything loaded on the van, we’ll be back for the kettle later…. where all in-it together eh?
BREAKING: PG Tips replace chimps with chump!
Always thought old Georgey boy was a space cadet. Now we know he is a Vulcan.
I wonder if you have a left handed mug
Plenty of mugs around, and a fair number of them ARE Lefties…they think the press regulations will actually accomplish something good– I’d call that sort of person who would buy that nonsense a “mug,” wouldn’t you?
This may not be the Greenest budget ever, but this woman does have greenest dress ever!
That is for Gideon’s Iorsh connection on St. Padraig’s Day
Fancy a weekend in Cyprus – I hear the bottom has fallen out on Euro terms
Osborn: “You punch her and I’ll come to her rescue”.
Young chap: “Yea! like you did with the economy”.
I’m not ‘standing’ for parliament, everyone who knows me must understand I do all my canvassing on my back.
“I DID watch The Brittas Empire, actually; that Chris Barrie bloke– he was a card, wasn’t he?”
… and modelling (,) the conservative range of mugs …
” Look, putting in a sink and making me a cup of tea won’t fool me ! This is an extra bedroom !!”
good
All three are jointly thinking
“a bit weak.”
Aha! British Tea Party activists.
Damn, did I leave my finger up her arse or his?
“OK, yes, I assume you’re going to put the butler and a couple of maids up in this dwelling. Should suit the domestics quite well. Shall we proceed to your pied a terre?”
Why is the cup stuck to my fingers? I’m one of David Icke’s lizard people.
Intern pondering which cnut he’ll end up with
George managed to blag his way through the FIFA vs Pro evolution soccer bit, but as Gavin moved onto Bioshock 2 he felt his comfort zone slipping away.
… and after my budget you can sell it for three times what you paid for it ..
George is thinking – No suit..no tie..weird sideburns..cups that must have come from a pound shop…where the hell am I ?
I’m glad I’m not your generation.
We can smell the coffee George, but can Ed Balls?
… and this is where I cook the books
I haven’t had this must fun since the Cabinet debagged Cleggers!
I’m sorry Mr Smith, but I’ve just put your wife in the (ITEM) club
How come Osborne’s only got three fingers on his right hand?
Seriously, who holds a mug like that?
A Tea-mason?
“Wuv you”
“Wuv you, more”
“Look at the pair of you. You haven’t got a fucking CLUE who I am, have you?”
Gideon wasn’t sure the new immigrants would intergrate with the London community that well.
Osborne: “Bagsy sloppy seconds”.
Osborne (thinks): That’s got my finger under my pants, now if I can just…..get…..to…….my ringpiece…..I can scratch……oh Goddddd, that’s better”.
“You know, I’ve had a marvellous idea to raise money. Let’s tax tea!”
lol
Osborne: “Ummmm…Tom Hanks? No, no, oh goodness…no, I’m not Tom Hanks”.
Other bloke: “You STUPID cow! RIGHT, fuck off mate!”
I was in the House of Commons making an extra strong cup of tea with one of those posh teabags, y’know with the stringy thing on, when the Shadow Chancellor comes up to me giving it all this [makes talky hand gesture] about stealing his policies or something.
‘Ed’, I said, ‘Have you any idea how hard it is to carry out a good teabagging when you’ve got Balls in your face’? Hmmm? I’m trying to dunk my bag somewhere moist and warm while I’ve got a member coming up behind me and giving me an ear bashing. Now fuck off back to Yorkshire before I give you a chinese burn you bent bastard.’
That man has such a punchable face, one day I’m gonna do it. I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m gonna slap him really, really hard and make him cry! I’d laugh for literally weeks.
… of course, reading tea leaves is only part, but a very important part, of maintaining accuracy in our fiscal forecasting…
Three mugs
Please sir can we have some food?
… and, once Hugh had given the O.K., it was all systems go
I hope you brought your whip Miss Lash.
audition for the next PG tips ad.
(westminster) man at work
So George …. day off from fucking the country?
I am sure you will find an equally nice home with less bedrooms
Are those 3 huge mugs – Hugh Grant and friends at it again?
Look, you guys are Strivers, right? Work hard, save your money and to be honest, who has a clue what’ll happen next? Not me!
To meet our staff reduction targets, one of these three cups is poisoned.
“Well old chap she makes a bloody awful cup of coffee, but I assume she makes up for that in the bedroom ?”
Just proves you need to know nothing about finance and economics to become Chancellor. Just need to know the right people and do their bidding! Oh, by the way can I have the tea money?
So, shall we move this through to the bedroom?
“I don’t really like tea…got any coke?”
Come on, get your clothes off; let’s get this porn movie made!
Gideon : Kitchenette ? …. what s a kitchenette? .. oh THIS is a kitchenette
So we re in a kitchenette now …. No I ve just never been in a kitchenette before no .. I think our one is “below stairs ” … oh no I ve never been down there that’s the majordomos province.
With all those problems in Cyprus with the Euro I am keeping my finger hidden up my arse.
‘I am a Bullshitter myself, but, I do like to hear beginners at it. So please continue!!’
I had to choose 20% government backed loans because house prices are overvalued by at least that much.
“… so this is where the kitchen staff work, is it?”
Okay, chum, let me explain it again. This is how the droit de seigneur works …
George Osborne welcomes the first of the Rumanians to Britain in their new home, fully paid for by the British taxpayer.
I’d like more austeriTEA please.
UK politics is rocked to its foundations as the British Tea Party launches its first conference.
‘I noticed you have a spare bedroom’
Hadn’t we better plug the kettle in to make it look more realistic?
Staged…!!
Posed….!!
The exhibits at Madame Tussauds have more life in ‘em.
Whose line is this time?
I have got a £50 note , who has got the coke.
Look love, it’s over, Gideon and me are getting married
The only 100% effective contraceptive on the market: a life size cardboard cut out of the Chancellor
Gideon: “How many bedrooms do you have?”