March 15th, 2013

Eric Joyce Staffer Martin Brown Knocked Woman to Ground
MP Reacted Angrily When Told His Friend Arrested


Guido has spoken to witnesses about last night’s fracas, this is what he has pieced together from various accounts.

At about 10.15 pm last night Eric Joyce’s researcher Martin Brown (pictured on the right above) exchanged words with Louise (an MP’s researcher, whose surname is known to Guido) outside the Sports and Social in the area where people smoke in the Commons Inner Court. In the ensuing altercation Louise was knocked to the ground.


Alex Cruz Vidal (pictured, right), a researcher for deputy speaker Nigel Evans, intervened to protect Louise and restrain Martin Brown by wrestling him to the ground and sitting on him. The administrator of the Sports & Social came out and with Alex’s help manhandled a shocked Martin Brown into the bar’s little cupboard sized office and locked him inside until the police arrived. Police came to arrest Brown and Eric Joyce showed up shouting at the cops.

Joyce – who had already been involved in some argie-bargie in the Sports and Social earlier that night – is said to have arrived at the scene and reacted angrily to being told by a copper about the incident – he pushed the copper, who came back to restrain him, whereupon Joycey threw a punch at the copper. At this point another copper joined in to restrain him, resulting in the Honourable Member for Falkirk ending up on the floor being handcuffed before being taken away into the back of a police van.

By this time there was a large crowd and around a dozen policemen outside the Sports & Social – including PoliticsHome’s Tony Grew – who only saw the second altercation involving Joyce not the original altercation involving Martin Brown that kicked the whole thing off. Police closed the Sports & Social and the Strangers Bar early…

Police have this morning contacted those witnesses who had their names taken last night, to tell them they will be required to give full statements in due course. Charges will almost certainly follow…

Coincidentally Joyce’s 12-month community order for his last brawl expired six days ago. Two things that are clearly reinforced by this brawl; we need to end the obscene taxpayer subsidy that means the Commons bars are the cheapest pubs in Central London, secondly we need a real power of MPs’ recall. As we were promised by the coalition parties after the expenses scandal…


  1. 1
    Eric 'Karaoke' Joyce says:

    You lookin at my feckin bird?

  2. 2
    Popeye says:

    Fat chance of that ever happening.

  3. 3
    Ah! Monika says:

    Trouble is the Common’s Bar is full of common people. Now the Lord’s bars….

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    If he ends up in front of a judge this time, then they will be left with very little option but to send him to prison. As it looks like he has not gained anything from his previous altercation with the Criminal Justice System.

  5. 5
    SP4BS says:

    I’m perhaps just a soft bastard who never had a “real man’s job”.

    But I’ve never expected to see people punching other people at work.

  6. 6
    P l e b says:

    It’s all the cheap booze

  7. 7
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Joyce needs a piece of 2×2 vigorously applied to his head. Raving maniac.

  8. 8
    They deserve no better says:

    Funny to see the mongs of Falkrk saying their MP should resign or step down. They’ll, like fucking donkeys, traipse to the voting booth and elect another Labour braindead drone without a second thought.

  9. 9
    Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

    Labour – thugs.
    Lib Dems – pervs.
    Tories – wealth and job creators.

  10. 10
    Aaron D Highside says:

    …the Lords bars have Prezza and co. Some real charmers about.

  11. 11
    Equalizer1963 says:

    Typical pub tart starting a row between gentlemen. ” leave it Duwayne…ee ain’t nuffink to me!

  12. 12
    Ubique says:

    A real man is our Alex well done kind sir, I hope Louise thanked you properly? As for you two Brown, Joyce clearly you are of the same elk as Huhne and Pryce so have the same, 8 months inside but no parole!

  13. 13
    Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

    What they need is a minimum price for alcohol in the Commons.

  14. 14
    SP4BS says:

    Crikey. have you got rose tinted beer goggles on.

  15. 15
    Huge Grant says:

    And this is precisely why we need state regulation of the press……

  16. 16
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Is hitting a copper worse than dodging speeding points?

  17. 17
    Ubique says:

    Absolutely correct on all counts!

  18. 18
    Equalizer1963 says:

    I suspect Joyce is whittling himself a skiff even as we type…

  19. 19
    Eric Joyce says:

    Is it cos I is Ginger?

  20. 20
    Yeah, right... says:

    You don’t understand. It’s stress, the long hours, its an illness, he needs compassion, help, some tax-payers money would probably be just the ticket.

    MPs aren’t like you common people, who binge drink and hit women and stuff. This jail thing only works for the plebs.

  21. 21
    Operation Crossbow says:

    I notice that the BBC were quick to point out that Joyce was an ‘independent’ MP and not Labour scum, yet when Joyce got done first time around the BBC hardly mentioned the story and even less he was a Labour scumbag.

    Funny that.

  22. 22


    ANY offence of a criminal nature by an MP or MEP or Police or Civil Servant should lead to immediate suspension on charge and loss of all privilages, pensions and income – authority or position immediately on conviction with absolutely no limitations.

    With privilege and authority come responsibility. Those who presume to rule should face exemplary standards.

    There is no shortage of honourable men and women who would welcome their jobs.


  23. 23
    B Boyd says:

    It’s all the plebs

  24. 24
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    This c-unt should be forced to resign his seat. Utter fucking disgrace.

  25. 25

    Quite right! I would like to see him banged up.

    Retributive justice would set an example to these parasitical creatures and discourage others who are only motivated by greed from coming into the system.

    Sack one MP each week for a month or two (no compensation – just out the door) and see the others smarten their acts up.

  26. 26
    kris huhne says:

    can pad up with me he,s ok joycey he came on my stag do

  27. 27
    Viv says:

    Discworld thugs behave with far more restraint…

  28. 28
    Man on Clapham Omnibus says:

    It also begs the question – since when and why does the deputy speaker need a researcher???

    Am I alone in wondering why we, the taxpayer, are funding so many SpAds, researchers and hangers-on around Westminster?

  29. 29
    Ubique says:

    He will be getting a different kind of burn when he is inside :)

  30. 30
    George Monbiot says:

    Joyce should apologise for his crimes and get some bogs cleaned at Waterloo Station, I’m loving this work. I should have done it years ago.

  31. 31
    S.B.S. says:

    And this drunken Scots tosser, debates and makes the laws that affect you and me.
    Telling me what I can and cannot do,,, f***ing marvelous !!
    Eric Joyce = oxegen thief. Waister

  32. 32
  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    Why do they have a bar in their workplace anyway?

  34. 34
    Peter says:

    As I mentioned in my tweet maybe we need to increase the unit price of alcohol?

  35. 35

    I could apply my 4×4 to his head.

  36. 36
    S.B.S. says:

    Sorry should read waster.

  37. 37
    Eric Joyce says:

    Lisshen, right, no lisshen, whot do you tell a bird with two black eyes? Nothing, shes bin told twice already..

  38. 38
  39. 39
    HeadButter says:

    You’d think they would save the punching for Nick Clegg?

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    although you should remember Prescott is a stupid bar steward

  41. 41
    Eric Joyce says:

    Took the wife out last night.

    One punch, fucking beauty.

  42. 42
    Equalizer1963 says:

    I meant shank…although he could be making a canoe

  43. 43
    Theros says:

    How many of them ” had their names taken last night this morning,”????

  44. 44
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    If you want to tell Joyce he should resign, email him at

  45. 45
    Gizza Drink says:

    What we need is free booze in the commons. Maybe we’ll get some better results. Video cameras might also be nice.

  46. 46

    You could have meant that he was only fit to put down the disposal unit.

  47. 47
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    I’ve emailed him telling him he’s a thug and should resign.

  48. 48

    Yeah. Like he would pay any attention?

  49. 49
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    Dear Mr Joyce

    You are a violent thug and a disgrace to Parliament. Why don’t you do the right thing and resign your seat so that a by-election can be called? You learnt nothing from your previous arrest and conviction. You’re nothing more than a violent thug with a drink problem and you should not be a sitting MP. Resign now.

  50. 50
    Spellcheck says:


  51. 51
    The Ginger Whippet says:

    Letting down the Scots. Punching! He should have stuck the heid oan him.

  52. 52
    Maq­boul says:

    He could end up fighting with Chris Huhne in a few weeks time.

  53. 53
    Back@woodsman says:

    Punching women, classy.

  54. 54
    Nigel Evans says:

    Its nice to discuss things with a warm round bottomed SpAd twink.

  55. 55
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    Of course not but that’s not the point. He deserves to be flooded with emails from the public about his behaviour.

  56. 56
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    Joyce’s constituency office: 01324 823200

  57. 57
    The Ginger Whippet says:

    Lord Watson. He’s a real charmer. Just keep the Swan Vestas out of his hands.

  58. 58
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Fat chance of minimum unit alcohol pricing ever being applied in Parliament. Same holds true for their right to smoke in a designated area being withdrawn. Utter hypocrites. Do as we say, not as we do. Joyce must serve time for this latest piece of disgraceful behaviour.

  59. 59
    Hugh Janus says:

    Must have needed a very big police van in order to transport Joyce and his enormous ego.

  60. 60
    Screwed Taxpayer says:

    Has anyone got the current prices for drinks in this taxpayer subsidised bar?

    Can you expose the troughing detail in this respect Guido?

  61. 61
    Hank the Cat says:

    Was Underpants Bryant there, spitting and scratching?

  62. 62
    ACV says:

  63. 63
    Yeah, right... says:

    Yes, but the noble Lord Prescott would never hit anyone.

    Oh, hang on…

  64. 64
    Ed Miliband says:

    I don’t remember Eric.

  65. 65
    Rob Wilson says:

    Dear Mr Joyce is a Hunt,

    A very good letter which should be in the Public Domain

    Yours etc

    Mr R Wilson

  66. 66
    One of the Great Unwashed says:

    And of course jumped up sqeaker Ber*kow will do sweet fcuk all, except

    pontificate & grandstand………he should suspend thu*mper Joy*ce for 12

    months & trigger a by-election…….

    All the Bars should be closed @ the House until further notice…….

    these fcuking A/H’s go on about the plebs but look at the example they set.

    Its about time we laid down the law for them……all they are interested in

    is finding ways to screw the electorate for as much as possible….but they

    will soon be off on there FOUR WEEK Easter break on Tax Payer funded

    drunken jollies around the world………

  67. 67
    MacGuffin says:


  68. 68
    Stan Collymore says:

    In any other walk of life striking or attempting to strike a police officer on the premises, hitting another member of staff and being involved in several incidents would result in dismissal. It seems obvious Joyce cannot control himself, he should be removed from office.

  69. 69

    Does anyone work in that fucking place who is not gay?

  70. 70
    Yeah, right... says:

    Like he cares what a voter thinks. All you are fit for is subsidising his ale

  71. 71
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    If this had been a Tory MP, Labour would be going ballistic and demanding a recall. But because Joyce resigned from Labour (yeah, right, like they’re not still pally with him) and is an “independent”, not a peep to be heard.

  72. 72
    Ah! Monika says:

    The HOC is not alone in having smoking areas.

    They are also permitted in Mental Hospitals. !!

  73. 73
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    Cheers. The more of us do it, he’ll get the message he’s hated.

  74. 74
    Sandalista says:

    Is that Brown thug any relation to the the Mad One?

  75. 75
    BBC News (on a lighter note) says:

    Plenty of red noses were seen in the commons last night as well as fat lips and thick ears.

  76. 76
    Ah! Monika says:

    Increase the prices. It’ll go on expenses. Who pays??

  77. 77
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    I’m exercising my right to free speech to call him out on his behaviour. I don’t expect him to resign because of my email. As for subsidising his ale, you are too.

  78. 78

    He needs to be flooded with a round from an MP5.

  79. 79
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    Funny how Labour, who claim to stand up for women, have the most violent, misogynist thugs in their ranks.

  80. 80
    Paniagua Solo says:

    Just Eric Joyce who is racked with torment and anguish that he might be

  81. 81
    Gordon Brown says:

    I don’t like women.

  82. 82
    V1le, vicious Labour ruined my Country says:

    Member for Falkirk, says it all really. Ex Labour as well, to be expected from Scottish Labour.

  83. 83
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    I certainly agree with that. :-D

  84. 84
    Eric says:

    I never remember the previous night.

  85. 85
    Yeah, right... says:

    All too aware of that. I was looking at things from Boozy Eric’s point of view.

    The problem is that these thieves and liars have leaned to believe that they are untouchable and sixty million emails telling the punchy old lush to resign wont make a blind bit of difference.

    Six months in Belmarsh might.

  86. 86
  87. 87
    BBC News (on a lighter note) says:

    They both contain about the same amount of horses arse DNA

  88. 88
    Eric Joyce says:

    I loves you. Your my besht mate you are

  89. 89
    Duty Pedant says:


  90. 90
    Spacker Brown says:

    Come on, he’s not worth it.

  91. 91
    Wyle Cop says:

    Thirdly, there are far too many of the fuckers and all their hangers-on, swarming around Westminster like flies to a turd.

    400 MPs max.; no lobbyists (what happened to Dave’s promise to ditch them?); no in-house bars; Travelodge-style accommodation and 2nd Class rail warrants provided – if you want anything more, pay for it out of your own pocket.


  92. 92
    Ed Balls says:

    Put the kettle on love, theres a good girl

  93. 93
    Teresa says:

    I’m not in favour of making alcohol more expensive.
    It will just hurt the poor and women.

  94. 94
    V. Pryce says:

    You have a fence post? Well done.

  95. 95
    Simon says:

    This is great. The press do not seem to have any of this detail this morning Guido so well done on getting there first!

  96. 96
    Blob Crow says:


  97. 97
    Pint Spiller says:

    aggresive lefties

  98. 98
    Fank Keefe says:

    Love this quip

  99. 99
    Gordon Brown says:

    a message to the people




  100. 100
    Safe seat says:

    I expect he can’t read, unless it says ‘cheap booze’ on it.

  101. 101
    Lynn Featherbrain says:

    >Joyce needs a piece of 2×2 vigorously applied to his head

    Or elsewhere.

  102. 102
    Yeah, right.... says:

    Or a judge led enquiry even

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    There is NO SUBSIDY on the booze in Parliament.

  104. 104
    Lynn Featherbrain says:

    No, it’s cos you are an uncouth ruffian.

  105. 105
    AJC says:

    Didn’t the Police have tasers?

  106. 106
    Lynn Featherbrain says:

    Hi Greg!

    Fancy being an MP, do we?

  107. 107
    Left hook says:

    Did the man throw a straight right? If so, the lefties ought to object.

  108. 108
    Southerrn Poofters in Westminster says:

    What a bunch of whimps and as for the nanny state coppers!!

    FFS worse, much worse, much much worse happens in a Quakers meeting.

  109. 109
    Blowing Whistles says:

    + 8 months

  110. 110
    Joyce is a cunt says:

    It was on the BBC News homepage last night.

  111. 111
    Fank Keefe says:

    Im sending over my mate he s x sas to toughen Louise up to handle the Joyces of this world

  112. 112
    Lynn Featherbrain says:

    y not?

  113. 113
    Eric Joyce says:

    The fight was Thatcher’s fault.

  114. 114

    Morning! I will take the support where I can – it won’t last, I am sure. :-)

  115. 115
    A Punster says:

    Re. Joyce.

    He’s been arrested.


  116. 116
    Defacto says:

    Since when was £5,800,000 not a subsidy?

    And how many spare bedrooms for Geordie unmarried mums could you rent for that?

  117. 117
    Lynn Featherbrain says:

    The Westminster cop-shop has a 2000 cu ft pantechnicon for this very purpose.

  118. 118
    Chris says:

    Time to shut down all the Westminster bars.

    How many other people have pubs and bars in their workplace.

    These MPs are scum.

  119. 119
    M says:

    Less MPs would cause less alcohol related problems
    How about campaigning for minimum MPs

  120. 120
    Centre Parting says:

    I have just googled Louise Jackson, and from the images of her there, she would taking some knocking to the ground.

  121. 121
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Labour, Lib Dems & Tories = Thugs, Pervs, Chancers, Conmen, Frauds, Thieves etc

  122. 122
    Spartacus says:

    you dont get that sort of behaviour from UKIP mps

  123. 123
    MacGuffin says:

    He’s a cutie patootie, and he stops brawls…what’s not to like?

  124. 124
    Jack Straw says:

    A quarter of a million extra school places will be needed in England by autumn next year, with one in five schools already full or near capacity.


  125. 125
    Dunlaggin says:

    Paul Flynn offers the following advice on drinking in Westminster in ‘How To Be An MP’
    “Happily now the drinks are not subsidised. Prices are similar to those elsewhere in London.”

  126. 126
    Indy Violins and tears says:

    Eric’s on a promise from the Labour Wimin

  127. 127
    Marcus Aurelius says:

    What do the two Eds have to say about it?

    He is the Falkirk “peoples’ prince” perhaps?

  128. 128
    Work that one out says:

    She looks like how Theresa May imagines she looks

  129. 129
    julian the wonderhorse says:

    That makes a change, Nigel Evans’ handsome young researcher pushing someone INTO the closet

  130. 130
    Bessie Braddock says:

    In my day women didn’t get knocked to the ground.

  131. 131
    Ricardo Pastor says:

    And should read “oxygen”.

  132. 132
    Helpful suggestion says:

    In certain eastern European Parliaments it seems to occur on a daily basis. Gewgel is your friend if you want to watch a few examples of MPs trying to throttle each other.

  133. 133
    Centre Parting says:

    Only knocked up.

  134. 134
    A Bairn says:

    though to be fair, they don’t elect Labour to the Scottish Parliament

  135. 135
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Despite my disliking of Communism – at least the Chinese ‘deal properly’ with politicians who are caught bringing the system into disrepute. Better still the Japanese make them of a sort fall on their swords.

  136. 136
    Where's Fatbot? says:

    Miss Diane is remarkably quiet this morning. I thought she was agin cheap booze and this must surely be a string to her bow.

  137. 137
    A Bairn says:

    My daughter

  138. 138
    Operation Crossbow says:

    All these drunk jock MP’s should get the William Wallace treatment.

  139. 139
    Fishy says:

    So if he gets banged up this week, that’s one Lefty that wont be voting for Labour’s ‘Control of the Press’ amendment on Monday

  140. 140
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Westminster doesn’t care about the white English either.

  141. 141
    verticalwater says:

    That’s the only post he’ll get after this!

  142. 142
    SP4BS says:

    I guess you’ve heard of football.

  143. 143
    Chris Huhne says:

    I’m keeping his bunk warm. He’s better looking than Carina as well.

  144. 144
  145. 145
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Yes be interesting to see which party Joyce has been voting with.

  146. 146
    Blowing Whistles says:

    And what do you know Stan by experience of course?

  147. 147
    anonymouse says:

    I hear there’s a very comfortable little cell at Wandsworth.

  148. 148
    SP4BS says:

    I guess then, there’s just subsidy on the electricity, the rent of the room, the staff, the cleaning, etc.etc.

    Kind of stuff everyone else has to pay for unless they get cans from Tesco in central London.

  149. 149
    John Prescott says:

    Tracy fell onto my pork sword.

  150. 150
  151. 151
    Anonymous says:

    LOcal election result
    Tories loose Foxhill to UKIP

  152. 152
    Operation Crossbow says:

    So how come every time a Tory is on the BBC they NEVER bring up the bias? For example it’s easy to find out Nicky Campbell’s pro Labour comments and mates just as it is for Krusty Wart off Newsnight.

    Also that shower off the Toady show and of course the tosser from Questiontime. The Tories should put dossiers together on all these beeboids and out them live on air.

  153. 153
    Picture Post says:

  154. 154
    It's Bedroom Tax Day Today. Sponsored by the BBC says:

  155. 155
    Blowing Whistles says:

    We can agree on some matters. You sure are sure about the last bit.

  156. 156
    Soshial Worker says:

    I like your thinking. Show more concern for the perp rather than the victim. You will go far.

    But not far enough unfortunately.

  157. 157
  158. 158
    You've left one out says:

    Your definitions of those three political parties are spot on but what about David Camerons Party ?

  159. 159
    FrankFisher says:

    Nothing wrong with a drunken brawl now and then is there? Let’s not get too sanitised please.

  160. 160
    michael says:

    Better,get shot of lot of them..and start again, with people that have successfully run a fish and chip shop for one year and shown a profit, fish and chip shop ??? (just an example ) any small business would do .

  161. 161
    Anonymous says:

    How many other workplaces have a bar for staff ?
    Just Get rid of them (Bars not MPs or perhaps……)

  162. 162
    Blowing Whistles says:

    don’t ever visit an abbatoir – they might mistake you for a dead pig and slice you up.

  163. 163
    Red Egg Millitit... Social Naturist or National Socialist says:

    A whopper sausage or a chipolata ?

    The latter, methinks :)

  164. 164
    what did these hacks know? says:

    As Evan Davis and Yasmin Alibhai-Brown were friends of Vicky Price, did they both know she’d committed a crime and lied about it for almost ten years?

  165. 165
    Sane person in a gorn mad world says:


  166. 166
    V1le, vicious Labour ruined my Country says:

    Pork penknife would probably be more appropriate!

  167. 167
    Red Egg Millitit... Social Naturist or National Socialist says:

    Time to close the bars there…….. greedy, drunken Hunts !

  168. 168
    The two faeces of Eric Joyce says:

    I am going to remove the whip from Mr Joyce

  169. 169
    Muslim fundamentalist says:

    We prefer to make them wear sheets, segregate them from society,ban them from being educated or working.
    If they still fail to obey their male masters, beheading is very effective.

  170. 170
    A woman says:

    I’d save my concern for the poor woman who was assaulted.
    Is she OK?

  171. 171
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Is he still with that eighteen-year-old gal? You’d think that if he were, she’d keep him busy enough he wouldn’t be going out getting snockered!

  172. 172
    JH3284923849238 says:

    Not to mention all the translators and ‘classroom assistants’ required to keep the zoo barely under control.

    At least you won’t need ‘teachers’ so much. Being attentive and trying to learn is acting white, innit.

  173. 173
    Yew Fat Tuat says:

    High time cops were armed. No need to manhandle people, just draw the handgun and keep a distance.

  174. 174
    Do we only mention Nationality when its a Scot ? says:

    Funny how no one mentioned that other criminal MP Chris Huhnes nationality when posting about him ? Just shows you how the racist mindset works.

  175. 175
    Question Crime says:

    You tell him Owen, put your built up foot down.

  176. 176
    Gonk III says:

    My friend’s daughter.

  177. 177
    Anonymous says:

    Stinking hypocrite.

  178. 178
    MPs are not unique says:

    No10 Downing Street.
    Every armed forces Mess
    Buckingham Palace
    Cruise Ships
    Holiday complexes
    Masons Arms
    The BBC
    Footsie 100 board rooms
    Working Mens Clubs
    The British Legion
    Trades Unions
    The Police Social
    The Firemans Social
    The Institutes
    Tom Watson
    And so on

  179. 179
    Bessie Braddock says:

    These days they ” fall pregnant “. What is that about?

  180. 180

    I am sure that I am sure that I saw your last night’s efforts. They were dealt with in customary and proper fashion. Still a truce is quite pleasant…

  181. 181
    Helpful suggestion says:

    .. to shut people like you disturbing our peace?

  182. 182
    Gonk III says:

    Dear Jane,
    You’re a victim of reverse polarity thinking. You badly need some specialist help.
    Yours always, etc etc

  183. 183
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    He would have, given time.

  184. 184

    Half of the daughters there have cocks.

  185. 185
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    FFS, they went crazy when some Tory Minister just looked askance at the gate guard at Downing St., and then allegedly insulted him.

    A sense of proportion, please!

  186. 186
    Researcher says:

    1. Sports and Social is not subsidised beyond its rent free occupation of a gloomy dungeon – in line with many employers.
    2. It is run efficiently so it keeps its prices down
    3. Researchers start on £23k and many are on less as unpaid interns or part time support. That doesn’t go far in the Red Lion or Westminster Arms
    4. Have you noticed its always the MPs not the staff who cause problems?

  187. 187
    Fluffy Thoughts says:

    You cannot be ‘flooded’ by a round. Get yourself a good mercenary magazine….

  188. 188
    Blind Alley Cat says:

    I’m guessing this suggestion of raising prices in the bars is self protection Guido so that when the inevitable day comes when you become an MP you are not tempted by the demon drink? Oh wait hang on…

  189. 189

    Monbiot for nothing and your quips for free…

  190. 190
    Socialist Millionaires Slum it for Photo Shoot says:

  191. 191
    ^&* says:

    We don’t do double Dutch here mate.

  192. 192
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    Why should there be any alcohol in the Houses of Parliament? How many of us can say that there’s alcohol available on work premises? Very few.

  193. 193
    Ah! Monika says:

    At this rate you’ll soon be able to get up my nose.

  194. 194

    Wanna see?

    Just hand me that H&K…

  195. 195
    Tazered Blind Pensioner says:

    He’s lucky he wasn’t carrying a white stick.

  196. 196
    Simon says:

    Cheers James – I haven’t read all the press!

  197. 197
    More Questions than Answers says:

    How much does it cost to buy a bar in the center of London?
    How much does security cost in the center of London?
    What about the lights and heating?
    What about the Council tax?
    What about the bar staffs’ wages and uniforms?
    Why is it restricted to MPs and their mates?

    So if it costs nowt, then why does it cost 5 point eight millions of squid?

  198. 198
    Suck Session says:

    Until the SPADS join the club. Wait your turn.

  199. 199
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    Yeah, you only foist your Liebore nazi thug scum on us English. Now you’ve got your own parliament, there shouldn’t be any Wastemonster MPs from Scotland.

  200. 200
    Copperbashingbeast says:

    Mr Cat and Mr whistles
    Put your handbags down (+;

  201. 201
    Gonk III says:

    Perhaps they’ve been ‘trying’

  202. 202
    a non says:

    The pessimist’s optimist or vice-versa?
    How to pretend you are not considering throwing your hat in the ring.

  203. 203
    Police says:

    How much does security cost in the center of London?

    Just pay up. Unless you want a fire.

  204. 204
    Arnie says:

    I prefer da uzi 9 milimetre!

  205. 205
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    Lump Cameron’s mob in with the metro ‘liberal’/social ‘democratic’/culturally Marxist scum that are running the show across the developed world these days.

  206. 206
    Yasmin Alibhai-Brown says:

    I’m thick as pigshit.

  207. 207
    Look on the bright side says:

    Well at least they won’t be passing any further malevolent legislation while they are away.

  208. 208
    This is fun. says:

    I like to think the tories don’t want to lower themselves to the filthy world of Labour.

    But then i remember that they are just a bunch of useless pillocks.



  209. 209
    MB. says:

    I still do not understand why the Houses of Parliament need so many bars, or even why they need any bars at all.

    How many other places of work have so many bars, never mind such heavily subsidised bars.

  210. 210
    Ed 'my Dads a millionaire Marxist' Miliband says:

    It wath a gweat meeting.

    I started discuthing the influenth of the potht-capitalithtic dialecticth and the young people were clearly stunned into silenth.

  211. 211
    And the GOOD NEWS is!! says:

    Britain’s economic recovery is in sight and the pound has fallen far enough, says Governor Sir Mervyn King

  212. 212
    Look on the bright side says:

    “There’s no money left (or right either!)”.

  213. 213
    Old England says:

    That place,is full of fruitcakes,closet gays,not so closet gays,europhiles,
    self serving egotists,far left mp’s,dingbats,and,fuddle headed thinkers who have completely lost the plot as to what is best for our”slipping away”
    country, to name a few..(its a mental institution),and it does not seem to get any better,despite my deluded hopes!!!!!

  214. 214
    Gonk III says:

    I’m looking forward to a really good ‘un tomorrow. K.O. at 5

  215. 215
    Police says:

    Joyce is a pleb.

  216. 216
    Evan Dildo says:

    I’m riddled with bad HIV

  217. 217
    Chukka yer money to me says:

    I was boss at that meeting. No-one had threads like mine.

    I like ‘Garage’ you know. I took my big headphones so everyone knew.

  218. 218
    The Miners Arms next to the Working mans institute says:

    Loads of places actually. If not in the place of work then near the place of work, many of which are the centre of community life.

  219. 219
    Look on the bright side says:

    She’s still asleep from last night’s bash. Ssh,you’ll wake her up.

  220. 220
    Admiral Byng says:

    “Pour encourager les autres…” to straighten up and fly right?

  221. 221
    NO to anonymous meat says:

    I have just discovered that if you accidentally put a piece of kitchen roll in the wash it stays intact and just gets smaller rather than a piece of tissue which disintegrates and sticks to everything.

  222. 222
    Anonymous says:

    Blah blah blah blah blah

  223. 223
    Stephen Twigg says:

    Are you taking the piss?

  224. 224
    Friend of Tracy. says:

    From what I’ve heard, it was your pork penknife.

  225. 225
    BBC News says:

    We won’t be reporting this.
    And after Britain’s free press is shackled, no-one else will be reporting it either.

  226. 226
    V1le, vicious Labour ruined my Country says:

    was this for apprentice drug dealers?

  227. 227
    a pleb says:

    Don’t compare me to that drunken violent leftie thug.

  228. 228
    English for Beginners says:

    “this year’s”

  229. 229

    To the perpetual Disgrace
    The Honble. JOHN BYNG Esqr
    Admiral of the Blue
    Fell a MARTYR to
    March 14th in the year 1757 when
    were Insufficient Securities
    For the
    Life and Honour
    of a

    Life was tough in those days.

  230. 230
    Harbottle says:

    True-unfortunately some people adopt the stereotype as a role model.

  231. 231
    Anon Teetotaller says:

    Whats wrong with the Eric Joyce’s Recovery Fund ????

    Guaranteed to be a thumping good investment & is fully supported

    by Whiskey Industry…….

  232. 232
    Evan Dildo says:

    Yep, he definately needs a cuddle.

  233. 233
    steve smith says:

    I’m afraid to say too much in case punchy Eric comes to get me . No I’m not recall the violent drunk and lock him up!

  234. 234
    Another Headshrinker says:

    The wee NED, you can take the drunken shit out of Scotland but not the drunkenness, hope he goes down this time for a long time, disgraceful jolly jump up! Wasn’t even a real officer, just an over promoted Private!

  235. 235
    pissed off voter says:

    MP recall is yet another broken promise.

    Time to do away with bars and restaurants in parliament – let parliamentarians use the external facilities that everyone else has to use – experience a little reality and help the taxpayer a little in these times of politically-created austerity.

  236. 236
    The European Commission says:

    That’s a very interesting. We propose pending £190million of Britain’s money to set up a research center in France, employing 300 people (non of them British) to confirm your important discovery.

  237. 237
    The only good MP is a dead MP. says:

    “Time to do away with bars and restaurants in and parliament”

  238. 238
    Mad Jack the Jungle Quack says:

    Bang on, what place of work has cheap booze on tap paid for by the tax payer? The bars should be closed, London is full of places to drink the HOC should not be one of them. And the local power of recall for MPs should be a priority for all 3 parties if they really believe in their own rhetoric about reform of the HOC!

  239. 239
    steve smith says:

    Do you think he is heading for a prison ship?

  240. 240
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t forget the wonderful Lord Foukes who also has previous for mixing it with the law when under the influence. Yet another labour party yob!

  241. 241
    Mad Jack the Jungle Quack says:

    6 months in chokey is what I’d prescribe, bet the arresting cops loved it!

  242. 242
    steve smith says:

    Boom boom

  243. 243
    i-turn if u want me 2 says:

    Wavey Dave will be getting even more EU sceptic as the Tories start to lose their local councils.

  244. 244
    steve smith says:

    Boom boom

  245. 245
    The Tap says:


  246. 246
    Curly says:

    That looks more like a cell than a meeting room. What are they being ‘apprenticed’ in? Mugging and robbing old (white) ladies?

  247. 247
    Not the Biased Broadcasting Comapany says:

    Quick Quick….panic panic @ ZanuLieLabor HQ Ed Milliedrip The Minor has

    lost his blank sheet of Paper……..

    How can he perform as the PM in waiting if he does’s not have the rite


    A judge lead enquiry is being assembled to root out the cause of this

    Fatcher inspired plot……

  248. 248
    Curly says:

    Not any more they aren’t since the lovely cuddly Liebore “Government” closed many of them out of sheer spite.

  249. 249
    Curly says:

    If it falls much further he won’t be able to convert his pension fund into Swiss francs.

  250. 250
    Poor Eric says:

    You hope Eric Joyce is OK?

    What about the woman who was hit?

  251. 251
    Curly says:

    Jolly good! We’ll all be able to write French letters then!

  252. 252
    Anonymous says:

    he did that last year, this was the encore

  253. 253
    youareawful says:

    ……… and in the next round Eric Joyce will play …… Mick McManus …. for a place in the final against Jackie Pallo

  254. 254
    Anonymous says:

    2 down 653 to go

  255. 255
    Curly says:

    See #238 above. It has been sent across the Channel for “processing”.

  256. 256
    Anonymous says:

    dont get three points!

  257. 257
    Trimming'em hard says:

    Fighting for the safe seat next to Big Al on E Wing I guess.

  258. 258
    Jimmy says:

    Sadly there seems to be no footage of the incident. Instead here is some library footage of a woman being knocked over

  259. 259
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    This man has serious issues in relation to both drink and violence .

    It would now seem he will be the next to enter prison thereby leading to yet another By Election with yes, you have guessed it ,the bill being passed to the taxpayer.

    Premature deaths will occur so some By Elections are inevitable . However in this case why were the problems not flagged up beforehand ? What selection procedure was adopted to protect the citizen ?

    As far as I can make out “none” .

  260. 260

    We have! Do keep up cos it won’t last…

  261. 261
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    I must say ,having looked at the traditional Press, then Guidos report is by far the most comprehensive.

    I would not like to meet this Mr Brown . He sounds a nasty bit of work . Best avoided I think .

  262. 262
    MacGuffin says:

    Was your daughter working under Lord Rennard by any chance?

  263. 263
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    If you set up the research center in England would they become English letters by any chance?

  264. 264
    Jimmy says:

    Is this the one the Guido tweeted as a win for beeyenpee?

    I gather the Lemon Party gets quite cranky when people mix them up like that.

  265. 265
    bob b says:

    Test out minimum alcohol pricing of £5 per unit on MPs first. Then stop there.

  266. 266
    Neo-Plato says:

    How much do we subsidise their alcohol intake?

  267. 267
    Neitherdeadoralive says:

    My money would be on the Jock………… he’d morda the effeminate Southerner !!!!

  268. 268
    Julius Caesar says:

    I’m told that violence in parliaments has something to do with the date. Don’t believe it myself.

  269. 269
    Penfold says:

    Perhaps we can lobby westminster magistrates to permanently close all bars in Palace of Westminster in view of the assaults committed.

  270. 270
    The Vultures of Justice says:

    Got his address now! Would you like us to pop round and do our ‘hammer of justice’ on him? Very simple we nail his hand to the door of his house and leave him the claw hammer, we tell him ‘if you’re still here when we come back, we’ll kill you.’ The three scum bags round here we’re done it to all get the message and f_ck off. Just let us know

  271. 271
    Henry Brubaker says:

    Whenever one brawling fuckwit gets locked up it usual for one of his imbecilic mates to come get involved.

    Yep, some people really think they are allowed to push coppers out of the way and then intevene to try and prevent an arrest. Its not just MPs who think this but the underclass as well.

    They dont like it when they get banged up themselves…

  272. 272
    Oliver Reed says:

    It’s a shame I’m dead, I’d have been a great MP.

  273. 273
    Wankerwatch says:

    What a pair of wankers!

  274. 274
    Wankerwatch says:

    Millibland is obviously offering them lotsth ofth money ifth they leavth him alone, unscaththed.

  275. 275
    God's Holy Trousers says:

    True enough, but Byng didn’t do it again. Joyce on the other hand seems to be a serial offender.

  276. 276
    Loopy lou says:

    Sadly we cannot do this .

    When I complained about that Reckless character getting pissed during a vote,
    Westminster Licensing said it was nothing to do with them .

    When it comes to drinking, the Palace of Westminster is a law unto itself .

  277. 277
    Fair fight says:

    under the influence of prison larger or not. Can Jocks fight with influence?

  278. 278
    SarumSea says:

    Everything in moderation….including moderation.

  279. 279
    One of the revolting plebs now voting UKIP.Org says:

    Lead report on Sky News including what his constituents advice is

    for thumper Joyce………Naff Off PDQ……

    Look forward to the by-election within next two months as the

    member for Falkirk WILL be detained at Her Majesty’s Pleasure for

    some considerable time…….A shining example of how our elected

    Members of Parliament conduct themselves ……..

    Of course the jumped up little squeaker has so far said Nowt……..what a


  280. 280
    Tom Fatson says:

    at least one of the coppers involved was drunk, as well

  281. 281
    Who're You Fackin Lookin at! says:

    Martin Brown might be a bruiser but at least he doesn’t discriminate oin sex when it comes to serving knuckle sandwiches!

  282. 282
    Who're You Fackin Lookin at! says:

    DEon’t you mean the “pith”? ;)

  283. 283
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Monbidiot is still in denial about the global warming climate change scam. Having bought into it like so MANY OTHER ‘idiot fools’ – he AND THEY remain in denial.

    They are a historical (SC should like this) throwback to the Flat Earth believers.

  284. 284
    Call me Cab Calloway says:

    Seeing as a women was knocked down perhaps Bra Brawlers rather than Bar Brawlers?

  285. 285
    eh? says:

    I think you must be watching a different clip to me.
    Manipulating the truth- it’s what National Socialists like Jimmy do best.

  286. 286
    Obama's poodle says:

    It is now being openly reported that young men are more likely to commit violent crime if thety have been in the Army .

    Perhaps it is time then to abolish the Army and sell all its equipment to the Syrian Free Army .

  287. 287
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Aren’t you just into the PLANT life old Twiggy – did you have a good SNIFF of the PLANT? Did you COME close to the PLANT?

  288. 288
    Al says:

    Why was Eric in London last night – His constituency in Falkirk must be chuffed he travelled down for a party!

    He will leave them even longer as he awaits trail – will see him taking a kip at the commons, or putting another property on expenses!

  289. 289
    Blowing Whistles says:


  290. 290
    Great Granddad:Prime Minister in Waiting, New Utopia Party says:

    Guido, I trust that you know that Salmond is about to police not only the press but the Worldwide Web too. Just how he is going to achieve that I am not yet sure, but you can bet your bottom thistle (or whatever it is he is going to call his currency) that he will not care much for bloggers publishing nasty things about his compatriots, whatever their political colour. Although I am not privy to his thoughts, it is my guess that he is not one of your more enthusiastic fans.

  291. 291
    cynic says:

    Or the cheap politicians who cost too much.

  292. 292
    cynic says:

    If they can’t be persuaded to take the northern subsidy sinks with them, there will still be far too many of such vermin polluting politics in England.

  293. 293
    cynic says:

    It’s to maximize the proceeds of crime of the political/media classes at our expense. None of them are worth anything. That’s why free money and booze attracts so many, and public life is perverted by such filth.

  294. 294
    annoyed says:

    It would be nice if the booze was poisoned, and bar steward Prezza had to sweep out the corpses each morning. Probably they could be recycled into pies. At last MP’s could be good for something.

  295. 295
    annoyed says:

    Brussels will pile it all up for them to pass on the nod as soon as they return. Vermin.

  296. 296
    annoyed says:

    No payments to politicians. Let their supporters finance them.

  297. 297
    annoyed says:

    He’s still alive and leeching as an MP? Despair.

  298. 298
    annoyed says:

    Is she poor? Will suing Joyce enrich her?

  299. 299
    annoyed says:

    The police should have shot him as a known terrorist. He deserves more bullets than a Brazilian electrician.

  300. 300
    annoyed says:

    It’s not the bars. It’s the customers.

  301. 301
    annoyed says:

    Yes. MP’s are obviously vastly overpaid.

  302. 302
    cynic says:

    The HOC does not NEED so many bars, just as the country does not NEED so many MP’s. It’s just an example of how the political class abuse their position.

  303. 303
    cynic says:

    Make them work treadmills to generate electricity. Only pay them for what they generate.

  304. 304
    annoyed says:

    Make him pay for the election costs. Jail those who selected him.

  305. 305
    annoyed says:

    The Parliamentary Standards Commissioner should declare all drunken and violent and layabout and lazy MP’s to be unfit to remain as MP’s, confiscate their pensions and benefits and jail the party selectors who chose such filth to stand for election. Oh no, that could never happen – they’re his bosses!

  306. 306
    Toontoon says:

    Eric Joyce –
    Assaulted TWO FEMALE teachers as a teenager ( one was pregnant)
    Resigned from Army b4 he was sacked
    Resigned as special advisor b4 he was sacked
    Had a seedy disgusting “affair” with a seventeen yr old intern
    Drink driver who refused the breathalyser
    Assaulted several people in strangers bar
    Criminal damage and police assault
    Cut off his electronic tag
    A further assault in a HoC karaoke bar
    “Flipped” his houses
    Most expensive MP in the country ( nearly £190k expenses)
    Career champagne ( any any other subsidised drink) socialist politician who is more interested in DR Congo than his constituency of Falkirk
    Scumbag Lawbreaker never mind lawmaker !!!!
    Lock the arrogant tosser up !!!!!

  307. 307
    Anonymous says:

    spot on!

  308. 308
    Andrew says:

    Just how far down the way to being a chronic lush does a Member have to be to get banned from the Parliamentary watering holes?

    Does any passing geek happen to know whether this has ever been done before and if so who was the previous traveller on the Road to Drunken Oblivion?

  309. 309
    hold them to ac says:

    Andrew Neil says: hurts the blue nun, but cheaper wine than that. True. It should be directed towards below-cost promotions. It’s not difficult, base it on the best deal that home office staff can find from wholesalers and add 5% for retail and then insist the product be sold at such levels, yes that’s price fixing but it’s damaging to lure yobs into Tesco with 25p/35p a pint lagers. This applies also to Joyce.

  310. 310
    Anonymous says:

    You leave Malcolm Mclaren out of this !

  311. 311
    wikus van zyl says:

    At least there’s one MP that fights, for our rights…….


  312. 312
    Equalizer1963 says:

    If only….

  313. 313
    Equalizer1963 says:

    Fuck…can I join…?

  314. 314
    Equalizer1963 says:

    I sent Eric a twat this morning..the Kernt never got back to me. Is he busy or summat?

  315. 315
    Equalizer1963 says:

    Oh…and 320th…

  316. 316
    ukfred says:

    HOw about campaigning for stonger lamp[ posts and more rope for (using around the necks of) MPs

  317. 317
    Diddley says:

    In a Parliament riddled with cu nts, it takes a really special one to stand out from the pack.

    Well done Eric – you’re the cu nt’s cu nt!

  318. 318
    Box Watcher says:

    Has Martin Brown been let out of the box yet ?

  319. 319
    Anthony Spencer says:

    Eric Joyce should be banned from Parliament. He should be stripped of his salary.The public subsidy of Bars in the Commons should cease immediately.

  320. 320
    Swollen Glands says:

    whisky in scootland, whiskey is for de oirish

  321. 321
    Lambly Chimbley says:

    Good to see Eric has stayed true to his roots throughout the years. He was chippy and opinionated at Sandhurst. I always thought it odd that a self-proclaimed hard man would join the Education Corps …

  322. 322
    Anonymous says:

    Oh dear someone showing their age

  323. 323
    Brooklyn Real Estate Inc says:

    Comes to something when even lager louts get representative in Parliament. Wonder if they’ll create a Ministry? Secretary for Late Nite Kebabs

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Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

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