Guardian green and loony lefty George Monbiot has agreed to carry out three years of charity work as payment for libelling Lord McAlpine. In a grovelling statement a grateful Monbiot said:

“I accepted the suggestion immediately and without reservation. I feel the proposed settlement reflects very well on Lord McAlpine, who is seeking nothing for himself, but wants to see work done which could be of great benefit to others. I have been prompted by Lord McAlpine’s admirable proposal to do the right thing – something I should have been doing all along – and I hope very much that I am able to do it well.”

Unlucky Philip Schofield…