March 8th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest (International Women’s Day Edition)


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Woman : Sorry Will your not my type!
    Hauge : I was just about to say the same thing……


  2. 2
    I Squiggle says:

    Very clever, Werrity, now put my dress back in the room and take the make-up off.


  3. 3
    William says:

    Women? I don’t do women.


  4. 4
    Geordieboy says:

    Fuck me hairless I thought that was Miriam.


  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Hague: “Sorry, but this lady is not for turning”


  6. 6
    Just Asking says:

    Is that an International Socialist’s Swastika behind that Green Lady?


  7. 7
    I Squiggle says:

    “Well, I shouldn’t need the full 14 pints this time..”


    • 97
      Maximus says:

      said she.


    • 129
      Gideon Grunthutuck says:

      Squiggy, has little William been telling that story again, it was 14 gills, he was legless so he was put in the van, when he came round we had already placed 14 pint bottles around him, he asked who had drunk all the beer in those bottles, and we said you. Seriouly where could you put 14 pints of beer in a 14 yearold kid.


  8. 8
    Ffion Hague says:

    if only Mr. Hague had his hands a little lower it would look like he had his winkie out. – chortle


  9. 9
    Peterb says:

    Oh, Willy, is that an AK47 for Al Qaeda in your pocket or….


  10. 10
    Comic Book Guy says:

    Worst blind date ever !!


  11. 11
    LJB says:

    I was going to say

    “Before I attempt this, can I ask who’s in the green?”

    But then I realised that’s a pretty good entry anyway


  12. 12
    Dorian Smith says:

    “WIlliam, it was really nothing”


  13. 13
    Gaz says:

    Let’s each take the one nearest us


  14. 14
    . says:

    Mohican, Hague? You wish – I can see there is someone standing behind you.


  15. 15

    Nice costume Myers – if it fools everyone I’ll get you back on the team.


  16. 16
    Mr Rotivator says:

    Sing something to distract Hague while we stuff the body parts into this holdall.


  17. 17
    Comic Book Guy says:

    Anybody got Rennard on speed dial ?


  18. 18
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Hague’s hands tried to cover his engorged shame, but too late, the albino turtle’s head emerged from its Moss Bros shell and took a look.


  19. 19
    thedukeofhunslet says:

    I’d actually come to throw myself in front of the kings horse. I guess I’ll have to make do with the Prime Ministers ass.


  20. 20
    Raving Loon says:


    Hague wouldn’t be interested in a woman.

    Must try harder Guido.


  21. 21
    Squawker says:


    A winning caption — pithy and clever!


  22. 22
    Peter Grimes says:

    (Woman)’ I find bald men SO virile. Come back with me and I’ll straighten you out!’


  23. 23
    Tosspot says:

    Yes, I was a Lib Dem before my sex change, now I am not so sure.


  24. 25
    Tosspot says:

    Come on Ed, stop messing about.


  25. 26
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Hague discovers that her bust measurement is bigger than his ego.


  26. 27
    Andrew Efiong says:

    I can’t think of anything funny to say.


  27. 28
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “Bit early for Paddy’s Day, innit?”


  28. 29
    Anonymous says:

    What a crap photo.


  29. 30
    Admiral Ackbar says:

    Woman: What the hell are you looking at, your as bent as Huhne’s driving licence!
    Hague: D’OH!!!


  30. 31
    Anonymous says:

    And of course no one follows up the ethnic breakdown of the stats on femail fetus abortions in the UK.


  31. 33
    Steve Miliband says:

    Nope. Blank.


  32. 34
    Dave's legacy says:

    the post-2015 tory party.


    • 63
      - . ... ... .- - .. -.-. -.- .-.. . ... says:

      No, that’s going to consist of Dave sitting in a room, by himself.


  33. 35
    Tosspot says:

    Slo vak to your place then ?


  34. 36
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Snooker my dear? Pink or brown?


  35. 37
    Cockroaches rool OK says:

    Well Mr Dromey, no wonder you were chosen to stand in that Labour all-wimmin constituency. Even without having had my usual 10 pints, you look a stunna.


  36. 38
    Cyril Ames says:

    If I close my eyes I could pretend she’s Seb Coe


  37. 39
    thicko says:

    things were hotting up at the body language seminar


  38. 40
    Censor Watch says:

    This page has been taken down :

    But Google has cached it:


    Injunction ?


    • 57
      Murdoch Mob says:

      We never beliebved in the Rule of Loaw you sjhpould kn ow tha


    • 62
      Murdoch Mob says:

      We never believed in the Rule of Law you should know that by now

      We “clean” the web as well as hacking, bribing, perverting the course of justice and all the rest…


    • 65
      Legal Beagle says:

      Guido won’t tell you if his employer Murdoch is using gagging orders

      He has just sold himself to the devil you see


      • 79
        Mr Forkes needs to be more careful of the company he keeps says:

        He who sups with the devel needs a long spoon. In Lupert’s case it’s so long you can’t lift but he wouldn’t let you eat anyway.


      • 80
        the savant10.4 highway patrol says:

        Well I’ve just read the cahed copy and frankly there is nothing much there that Radio Four are not spouting in their World at One news so if Grauny gets “injuncted ” (painful !) so should Beeb.


  39. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Haig: – Why aye man, I’m the fooreen secretry like, the neems Haig

    Woman: – I very sorry I don’t speak Norwegian


    • 78
      Bored northerner tired of southerner's crap sense of geography says:

      William Hague as a mock Geordie. I am getting close to having heard it all.


  40. 43
    Guido's Mong says:



  41. 45
    Anonymous says:

    I’d like to shake my money tree all over your… Oh, there you are Ffion.


  42. 46
    R Murdoch says:

    I win


  43. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Spad: Is that what I think it is?

    Hague : Yes, people say it’s a woman, though I’ve never used one before.


  44. 48
    The Projectionist says:

    ‘The last ‘fruit’ that tired on one of my dresses without asking ended up dead in a hold all in a sealed bathroom having committed ‘suicide’ so take it off now’


  45. 49
    Anonymous says:

    Hague inspects the merchandise closely at Lord Rennard’s car boot sale.


  46. 50
    Sir William Wade says:

    Hague: “Actually, I said the room needed a long, slow vac”


  47. 51
    Media Manager FibDems says:

    oops – I thought I had it covered


  48. 53
    Sir William Wade says:

    OR: It was time for William to exhibit his green credentials.


  49. 54
    Jack the Ripper says:

    WOMAN TO HAGUE : Haven’t I seen Benny Hill patting your head?


  50. 55
    Thatcher to get statue says:

    Former Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher will have a statue erected in her honour in her home town of Grantham in Lincolnshire. A plan to raise more than £200,000 for a statue and renovation project at the Grantham Museum has been unveiled.

    Labour councillors had called for a town centre statue after the Conservative-majority authority voted against the move last week.

    Grantham Community Heritage Association (GCHA) is behind the latest plan. A spokesperson for the charity said: “Margaret Thatcher remains one of the UK’s most important political figures. Her connection with Grantham is evident in her biographies and in recognition of her association with Grantham the board of trustees believe that a statue in the museum is fitting.”

    At least 50p of every £1 raised will go towards renovating the museum and associated Margaret Thatcher exhibits, the spokesperson added. The remainder will be spent on commissioning a statue of the Grantham grocer’s daughter, which be “hosted in the renovated museum”.

    It is hoped the money will be raised through donations and the sale of merchandise and “will take as long as it takes” to reach the target amount. The Grantham Museum is managed and run by the registered charity and staffed by volunteers after control was passed from the county council in 2012.

    Grantham Mayor Ian Stokes said: “I, as the mayor, would undoubtedly support the recognition of Margaret Thatcher for what she has done in the past.” The GCHA said it was in the process of contacting the Thatcher family about the project and would ensure that “she and the family are kept informed at all stages to make sure they are as equally happy as we are with the plans”.

    The Conservative-majority South Kesteven council voted last Friday against having a statue in the town. Labour councillors said a statue could help boost tourism in the area. Tory councillor Bob Adams said it was the “express wish of Baroness Thatcher that a statue not be erected” in the town.

    At present lady Thatcher is commemorated with a small plaque outside her father’s former grocery shop in Grantham and with some exhibits inside Grantham Museum.


    • 66
      Caption Contest Commentator says:

      That’ll never win.


      • 69
        Guido's Mong says:

        I believe in free speech. Except on my blog


      • 83
        thicko says:

        that south american bloke that died the other day is getting stuffed and put on display apparently, so why not wait and save a few quid ? age of austerity an’ all.


    • 77
      In awe of wonderful caption writer says:

      That’s a cracker. Is that how Willy normally bores people to death or have you used some poetic licence?


    • 84
      the savant10.4 highway patrol says:

      Labour voting for a Conservative statue .

      Now I’VE heard it all !!!


    • 135
      Loosehead says:

      Bit wordy for a caption, but might as well give it a go.


  51. 56
    Anonymous says:

    Ahh, Meester Hague, I notice your flag pole is wilting.


  52. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Haig : – I don’t want to be over familiar, but can I have a little nibble on your kebab?

    Woman : – Help yourself, its on the table. I’m sure it would taste nice with some of Werrity’s special sauce.

    Haig :- That stuff is lovely, last night it was dribbling all down my chin.


  53. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Woman finds herself attracted to little Willy.


  54. 60
    Nonny Mouse says:

    ‘Crying Game’ Remake – This time it’s a welcome surprise!


  55. 61
    Riff Raff says:

    “Rennard said this would be very much a hands on event. I’m looking forward to it!”


  56. 64
    ChrisM says:

    You don’t have a brother do you?


  57. 68
    vladikavkaz says:

    a 14-pinter


  58. 71
    Gawd help Willy says:

    Ffion, I think it’s one of those things you told me about. I am not at all expert in this field but I think it’s a woman.


  59. 72
    poets day says:

    “Ey up, lass. Get yer strap-on. Ye’ve pulled”


  60. 74
    The European Parliament says:

    We are committed to a resolution that eliminates gender stereotypes in the EU. This caption contest is therefore null and void. And banned.

    David Cameron fully agrees. Even if he isn’t aware of it yet.


  61. 81
    Mr Plum says:

    Hauge – Want to see my hole finger


  62. 85
    illogical says:

    Bibi Netenyahoo greets William Vague.
    When questioned by the media they explained it seemed the most sensible way to avoid the inevitable boycotts.


  63. 86
    blondini says:

    “Are you staring at my breasts, Mr Hague?”
    “Er….yes….I’m so sorry, it’s just that they look like a nice pert botty that I know”.


    • 119
      Anonymous says:

      You have a crush on william, havent you. ?No straight man would make comments like this unless he was really jealous. Moron.


      • 122
        Anonymous says:

        She does have a chest like an arse.and hague has a face like an arse ,so maybe they should share a double room to save on expenses


      • 140
        blondini says:

        Lay off the second pint of shandy at lunchtimes, me old mucker.


  64. 88
    davo says:

    Bloke with his back to the camera: “And this one’s called ‘sausage on a plate’”.


  65. 92
    michael says:

    The Feminist Greens are sporting their new red white and blue standard…now emblazoned with their environmental swastika in the corner.


  66. 94
    Biff says:

    William Hague and his co-star going through their lines, before their first performance in ‘Shrek – the Musical’


  67. 96
    Ray says:

    >>>>I bet I would look good in that dress>>>>


  68. 98
    Perry says:

    Go on believe me, I do have a brain, it comes with the package


  69. 99
    larry says:

    Woman : who’s a boy then .


  70. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Her – “I prefer men with hair”
    Him – “I prefer men …”


  71. 103
    No willy jokes says:

    Woman succumbs to Mekon and his death stare…


  72. 104
    Jack the Ripper says:

    WOMAN : You’re so talented – an actor, writer AND a wrestler.

    HAGUE : I’m not Brian Glover.


  73. 105
    dbopenlock says:

    Hague: “Don’t get many of them to the kilo!”


  74. 106
    An Arse says:

    I wish Ihad some then I would give her some, just check that with the speech writers, I think I am getting a tingle but that could be the camera man.


  75. 111
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “Shall I ease you quantitatively or would you prefer some inflation?”


  76. 120
    Diddley says:

    ‘Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough! Oh, I see…’


  77. 121
    Pendant says:

    Glamorous Slovak presenter rumbles little Willy.


  78. 123

    Hague : I’m married to a woman , it was all that was legal under labour


  79. 130
    Anonymous says:

    what’s Piers Morgan doing there?


  80. 133
    Rightallalong says:

    Woman : I represent Israel.
    Hague : Your body is ‘disproportionate’.


  81. 134
    Loosehead says:

    I’m not up on all this stuff. Will someone please say who this gorgeous creature in green is, so I can marry her.


  82. 136
    robbie says:

    Fancy sharing a bed?


  83. 138
    Anonymous says:

    ‘May I wank over you because Tory loonies are not wank material.’


  84. 141
    CardinalDave says:

    Man facing away: Please tell me he’s not doing the penetration hand-guesture.
    Other man: um……


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