March 8th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest (International Women’s Day Edition)


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Woman : Sorry Will your not my type!
    Hauge : I was just about to say the same thing……

  2. 2
    I Squiggle says:

    Very clever, Werrity, now put my dress back in the room and take the make-up off.

  3. 3
    William says:

    Women? I don’t do women.

  4. 4
    Geordieboy says:

    Fuck me hairless I thought that was Miriam.

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Hague: “Sorry, but this lady is not for turning”

  6. 6
    Just Asking says:

    Is that an International Socialist’s Swastika behind that Green Lady?

  7. 7
    I Squiggle says:

    “Well, I shouldn’t need the full 14 pints this time..”

  8. 8
    Ffion Hague says:

    if only Mr. Hague had his hands a little lower it would look like he had his winkie out. – chortle

  9. 9
    Peterb says:

    Oh, Willy, is that an AK47 for Al Qaeda in your pocket or….

  10. 10
    Comic Book Guy says:

    Worst blind date ever !!

  11. 11
    LJB says:

    I was going to say

    “Before I attempt this, can I ask who’s in the green?”

    But then I realised that’s a pretty good entry anyway

  12. 12
    Dorian Smith says:

    “WIlliam, it was really nothing”

  13. 13
    Gaz says:

    Let’s each take the one nearest us

  14. 14
    . says:

    Mohican, Hague? You wish – I can see there is someone standing behind you.

  15. 15

    Nice costume Myers – if it fools everyone I’ll get you back on the team.

  16. 16
    Mr Rotivator says:

    Sing something to distract Hague while we stuff the body parts into this holdall.

  17. 17
    Comic Book Guy says:

    Anybody got Rennard on speed dial ?

  18. 18
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Hague’s hands tried to cover his engorged shame, but too late, the albino turtle’s head emerged from its Moss Bros shell and took a look.

  19. 19
    thedukeofhunslet says:

    I’d actually come to throw myself in front of the kings horse. I guess I’ll have to make do with the Prime Ministers ass.

  20. 20
    Raving Loon says:


    Hague wouldn’t be interested in a woman.

    Must try harder Guido.

  21. 21
    Squawker says:


    A winning caption — pithy and clever!

  22. 22
    Peter Grimes says:

    (Woman)’ I find bald men SO virile. Come back with me and I’ll straighten you out!’

  23. 23
    Tosspot says:

    Yes, I was a Lib Dem before my sex change, now I am not so sure.

  24. 24
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Well done 8illy

  25. 25
    Tosspot says:

    Come on Ed, stop messing about.

  26. 26
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Hague discovers that her bust measurement is bigger than his ego.

  27. 27
    Andrew Efiong says:

    I can’t think of anything funny to say.

  28. 28
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “Bit early for Paddy’s Day, innit?”

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    What a crap photo.

  30. 30
    Admiral Ackbar says:

    Woman: What the hell are you looking at, your as bent as Huhne’s driving licence!
    Hague: D’OH!!!

  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    And of course no one follows up the ethnic breakdown of the stats on femail fetus abortions in the UK.

  32. 32
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    No flower, he had just had a Viagra pill

  33. 33
    Steve Miliband says:

    Nope. Blank.

  34. 34
    Dave's legacy says:

    the post-2015 tory party.

  35. 35
    Tosspot says:

    Slo vak to your place then ?

  36. 36
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Snooker my dear? Pink or brown?

  37. 37
    Cockroaches rool OK says:

    Well Mr Dromey, no wonder you were chosen to stand in that Labour all-wimmin constituency. Even without having had my usual 10 pints, you look a stunna.

  38. 38
    Cyril Ames says:

    If I close my eyes I could pretend she’s Seb Coe

  39. 39
    thicko says:

    things were hotting up at the body language seminar

  40. 40
    Censor Watch says:

    This page has been taken down :

    But Google has cached it:


    Injunction ?

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Haig: – Why aye man, I’m the fooreen secretry like, the neems Haig

    Woman: – I very sorry I don’t speak Norwegian

  42. 42
    Passionfruit Juice Drink, only 19% Juice says:

    Not really. There were a load of other comments on here which have been censored. Is this blog being run by the Chinese now?

  43. 43
    Guido's Mong says:


  44. 44
    Morrisey says:

    Gay Sex

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    I’d like to shake my money tree all over your… Oh, there you are Ffion.

  46. 46
    R Murdoch says:

    I win

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Spad: Is that what I think it is?

    Hague : Yes, people say it’s a woman, though I’ve never used one before.

  48. 48
    The Projectionist says:

    ‘The last ‘fruit’ that tired on one of my dresses without asking ended up dead in a hold all in a sealed bathroom having committed ‘suicide’ so take it off now’

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:

    Hague inspects the merchandise closely at Lord Rennard’s car boot sale.

  50. 50
    Sir William Wade says:

    Hague: “Actually, I said the room needed a long, slow vac”

  51. 51
    Media Manager FibDems says:

    oops – I thought I had it covered

  52. 52
    Bill Vague says:

    I’m a celebrity pederast, get me out of here!

  53. 53
    Sir William Wade says:

    OR: It was time for William to exhibit his green credentials.

  54. 54
    Jack the Ripper says:

    WOMAN TO HAGUE : Haven’t I seen Benny Hill patting your head?

  55. 55
    Thatcher to get statue says:

    Former Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher will have a statue erected in her honour in her home town of Grantham in Lincolnshire. A plan to raise more than £200,000 for a statue and renovation project at the Grantham Museum has been unveiled.

    Labour councillors had called for a town centre statue after the Conservative-majority authority voted against the move last week.

    Grantham Community Heritage Association (GCHA) is behind the latest plan. A spokesperson for the charity said: “Margaret Thatcher remains one of the UK’s most important political figures. Her connection with Grantham is evident in her biographies and in recognition of her association with Grantham the board of trustees believe that a statue in the museum is fitting.”

    At least 50p of every £1 raised will go towards renovating the museum and associated Margaret Thatcher exhibits, the spokesperson added. The remainder will be spent on commissioning a statue of the Grantham grocer’s daughter, which be “hosted in the renovated museum”.

    It is hoped the money will be raised through donations and the sale of merchandise and “will take as long as it takes” to reach the target amount. The Grantham Museum is managed and run by the registered charity and staffed by volunteers after control was passed from the county council in 2012.

    Grantham Mayor Ian Stokes said: “I, as the mayor, would undoubtedly support the recognition of Margaret Thatcher for what she has done in the past.” The GCHA said it was in the process of contacting the Thatcher family about the project and would ensure that “she and the family are kept informed at all stages to make sure they are as equally happy as we are with the plans”.

    The Conservative-majority South Kesteven council voted last Friday against having a statue in the town. Labour councillors said a statue could help boost tourism in the area. Tory councillor Bob Adams said it was the “express wish of Baroness Thatcher that a statue not be erected” in the town.

    At present lady Thatcher is commemorated with a small plaque outside her father’s former grocery shop in Grantham and with some exhibits inside Grantham Museum.

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    Ahh, Meester Hague, I notice your flag pole is wilting.

  57. 57
    Murdoch Mob says:

    We never beliebved in the Rule of Loaw you sjhpould kn ow tha

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Haig : – I don’t want to be over familiar, but can I have a little nibble on your kebab?

    Woman : – Help yourself, its on the table. I’m sure it would taste nice with some of Werrity’s special sauce.

    Haig :- That stuff is lovely, last night it was dribbling all down my chin.

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Woman finds herself attracted to little Willy.

  60. 60
    Nonny Mouse says:

    ‘Crying Game’ Remake – This time it’s a welcome surprise!

  61. 61
    Riff Raff says:

    “Rennard said this would be very much a hands on event. I’m looking forward to it!”

  62. 62
    Murdoch Mob says:

    We never believed in the Rule of Law you should know that by now

    We “clean” the web as well as hacking, bribing, perverting the course of justice and all the rest…

  63. 63
    - . ... ... .- - .. -.-. -.- .-.. . ... says:

    No, that’s going to consist of Dave sitting in a room, by himself.

  64. 64
    ChrisM says:

    You don’t have a brother do you?

  65. 65
    Legal Beagle says:

    Guido won’t tell you if his employer Murdoch is using gagging orders

    He has just sold himself to the devil you see

  66. 66
    Caption Contest Commentator says:

    That’ll never win.

  67. 67
  68. 68
    vladikavkaz says:

    a 14-pinter

  69. 69
    Guido's Mong says:

    I believe in free speech. Except on my blog

  70. 70
    All shall be censored. says:

    Libertarianism, innit.

  71. 71
    Gawd help Willy says:

    Ffion, I think it’s one of those things you told me about. I am not at all expert in this field but I think it’s a woman.

  72. 72
    poets day says:

    “Ey up, lass. Get yer strap-on. Ye’ve pulled”

  73. 73
    the savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Willie Vague: Yes Madam I appreciate your confusion .

    It’s just that if I DID have a prick it would now be erect and jutting from my cupped hands.

  74. 74
    The European Parliament says:

    We are committed to a resolution that eliminates gender stereotypes in the EU. This caption contest is therefore null and void. And banned.

    David Cameron fully agrees. Even if he isn’t aware of it yet.

  75. 75
    Woman says:

    Fancy a Harlem shake.?

  76. 76
    the savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    …… are you just not pleased to see me ?

  77. 77
    In awe of wonderful caption writer says:

    That’s a cracker. Is that how Willy normally bores people to death or have you used some poetic licence?

  78. 78
    Bored northerner tired of southerner's crap sense of geography says:

    William Hague as a mock Geordie. I am getting close to having heard it all.

  79. 79
    Mr Forkes needs to be more careful of the company he keeps says:

    He who sups with the devel needs a long spoon. In Lupert’s case it’s so long you can’t lift but he wouldn’t let you eat anyway.

  80. 80
    the savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Well I’ve just read the cahed copy and frankly there is nothing much there that Radio Four are not spouting in their World at One news so if Grauny gets “injuncted ” (painful !) so should Beeb.

  81. 81
    Mr Plum says:

    Hauge – Want to see my hole finger

  82. 82
    Killing Off Blogging says:

    More to the point, it is dull and being heavily censored.

  83. 83
    thicko says:

    that south american bloke that died the other day is getting stuffed and put on display apparently, so why not wait and save a few quid ? age of austerity an’ all.

  84. 84
    the savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Labour voting for a Conservative statue .

    Now I’VE heard it all !!!

  85. 85
    illogical says:

    Bibi Netenyahoo greets William Vague.
    When questioned by the media they explained it seemed the most sensible way to avoid the inevitable boycotts.

  86. 86
    blondini says:

    “Are you staring at my breasts, Mr Hague?”
    “Er….yes….I’m so sorry, it’s just that they look like a nice pert botty that I know”.

  87. 87
  88. 88
    davo says:

    Bloke with his back to the camera: “And this one’s called ‘sausage on a plate'”.

  89. 89
    davo says:

    “And now ‘slowly emerging mollusc'”.

  90. 90
    davo says:

    “‘Sack of flour’, ta daaa”

  91. 91
    The man at the back with the awful jumper - yes you sir says:

    This made me laugh out loud in a fairly deserted office… (That’s not my caption, but a fact).

  92. 92
    michael says:

    The Feminist Greens are sporting their new red white and blue standard…now emblazoned with their environmental swastika in the corner.

  93. 93
    Splooge says:

    Don’t worry Willy – the EU internet ban won’t cover gay porn

  94. 94
    Biff says:

    William Hague and his co-star going through their lines, before their first performance in ‘Shrek – the Musical’

  95. 95
    rGOM says:

    I would!

  96. 96
    Ray says:

    >>>>I bet I would look good in that dress>>>>

  97. 97
    Maximus says:

    said she.

  98. 98
    Perry says:

    Go on believe me, I do have a brain, it comes with the package

  99. 99
    larry says:

    Woman : who’s a boy then .

  100. 100
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    Will H: Ah! A mannequin woman! The only type I like.

  101. 101
    Osama the Nazarene says:


  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Her – “I prefer men with hair”
    Him – “I prefer men …”

  103. 103
    No willy jokes says:

    Woman succumbs to Mekon and his death stare…

  104. 104
    Jack the Ripper says:

    WOMAN : You’re so talented – an actor, writer AND a wrestler.

    HAGUE : I’m not Brian Glover.

  105. 105
    dbopenlock says:

    Hague: “Don’t get many of them to the kilo!”

  106. 106
    An Arse says:

    I wish Ihad some then I would give her some, just check that with the speech writers, I think I am getting a tingle but that could be the camera man.

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Who is Hauge ?

  108. 108
    Anonymous says:

    Wht do you say that ? wishful thinking on your part ?

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    I must say i wonder about people who make homo erotic posts about straight men !

  110. 110
    Anonymous says:

    Is it ” make stupid jokes about winkies day” in playgroup today ?These comments cant be made by adults, can they ?

  111. 111
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “Shall I ease you quantitatively or would you prefer some inflation?”

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    That didnt stop the rest of the posters !

  113. 113
    General Sir Philip Michael Hunt says:

    Well, you should have told the agency that you wanted boys, don’t blame me!

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    let me guess, its you who hasnt come out yet, isnt it ? Ady. never mind, we would never have guessed (laughs behind hand )

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    Cyril, be honest. Have you got a crush on Seb ?

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    Theres some real nutters posting today !

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    William Hague. No.

  118. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Did you seriously think that was funny ? if you did i wouldnt give up the day job. Presuming you have got one.

  119. 119
    Anonymous says:

    You have a crush on william, havent you. ?No straight man would make comments like this unless he was really jealous. Moron.

  120. 120
    Diddley says:

    ‘Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough! Oh, I see…’

  121. 121
    Pendant says:

    Glamorous Slovak presenter rumbles little Willy.

  122. 122
    Anonymous says:

    She does have a chest like an arse.and hague has a face like an arse ,so maybe they should share a double room to save on expenses

  123. 123

    Hague : I’m married to a woman , it was all that was legal under labour

  124. 124
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    No it is a branch of NI

  125. 125
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    They are still at it

  126. 126
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Another 8illy

  127. 127
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Winkies are little ones, what do you expect from little boys

  128. 128
    Gideon Grunthutuck says:

    Winkies are little ones, what do you expect from little boys

  129. 129
    Gideon Grunthutuck says:

    Squiggy, has little William been telling that story again, it was 14 gills, he was legless so he was put in the van, when he came round we had already placed 14 pint bottles around him, he asked who had drunk all the beer in those bottles, and we said you. Seriouly where could you put 14 pints of beer in a 14 yearold kid.

  130. 130
    Anonymous says:

    what’s Piers Morgan doing there?

  131. 131
    Gideon Grunthutuck says:

    It’s also the Ides of March, Cams beware

  132. 132
    Gideon Grunthutuck says:

    To be fair he does not even have a South Yorkshire accent, his diction is improving very slowly, but it has taken a long time for him to get this far

  133. 133
    Rightallalong says:

    Woman : I represent Israel.
    Hague : Your body is ‘disproportionate’.

  134. 134
    Loosehead says:

    I’m not up on all this stuff. Will someone please say who this gorgeous creature in green is, so I can marry her.

  135. 135
    Loosehead says:

    Bit wordy for a caption, but might as well give it a go.

  136. 136
    robbie says:

    Fancy sharing a bed?

  137. 137
    willy wont he says:

    Can we leave? I’d like to take you downstairs – round the back.

  138. 138
    Anonymous says:

    ‘May I wank over you because Tory loonies are not wank material.’

  139. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Czech or Slovak flag.

  140. 140
    blondini says:

    Lay off the second pint of shandy at lunchtimes, me old mucker.

  141. 141
    CardinalDave says:

    Man facing away: Please tell me he’s not doing the penetration hand-guesture.
    Other man: um……

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

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