When Guido opened this week’s issue of Private Eye it took until the first article in the first column on the first page for him to find news totally out of date and already covered to death elsewhere. Their story that the judge who ruled in Samsung’s favour against Apple in a dispute last year is, naturally, off to work for Samsung, would have been a great exclusive had it not been reported on tech blog BGR a week ago, and the entire national press the next day.

Move over to the very next column and we have “news” of Peter Rippon’s new job, seen on Guido and everywhere else two weeks ago. Go home Gnome.