March 5th, 2013

Private Eye: Best Before End (of Last Week)

When Guido opened this week’s issue of Private Eye it took until the first article in the first column on the first page for him to find news totally out of date and already covered to death elsewhere. Their story that the judge who ruled in Samsung’s favour against Apple in a dispute last year is, naturally, off to work for Samsung, would have been a great exclusive had it not been reported on tech blog BGR a week ago, and the entire national press the next day.

Move over to the very next column and we have “news” of Peter Rippon’s new job, seen on Guido and everywhere else two weeks ago. Go home Gnome.


  1. 1
    Good on the doorstep says:

    Body Art – who volunteers for the Liberal Democrats in his spare time – added: “I don’t see why someone should be discriminated against just because of the way they look, so I want to help those people as much as I can to find employment.”


    • 3
      Gawdelpus says:

      Tattoos and piercings and other associated weirderies render you unemployable. Get over it.


      • 15
        Tony Blair, Millionaire says:

        I always loved Private Eye.

        The two week gap gave our spinners enough time to buy……


        • 27
          B Boyd says:

          Ian Hislop became BBC property ages ago, in fact around the time Lord Gnome’s organ started deteriorating.


          • The Civil Elephant Man says:

            It’s what the BBC do ‘imbed’ the ‘opposition’ into the gravy train of appearance fees and even give them s show or two host. They’ll soon get on message, their mild criticisms are then held up as an ‘independent’ voice. All rather sad really, but the whole satire thing is really just another elite career move in the main.


          • Ian Hislop says:

            Look here, I’m coining it in doing HIGNFY (£11,000 per show) so I don’t really give a **** about Private Eye!


          • Anonymous says:

            Don’t see how selling your ring to Rupert and the holy ones is somehow better.


  2. 2
    Judge Jeffreys says:

    Vasiliki Pryce will be hanged from the highest tree in the forest as an example to others.


  3. 4
    Hugh Janus says:

    Blimey Guido, the Eye really has got under your skin!


    • 9
      Under Guido's skin says:

      ‘I haven’t seen my nipples in 35 years': 13st weight loss left formerly obese woman with breasts so saggy she had to hook them over her arm to wash her armpits
      Ann, 47, from Essex weighed 25 stone and had a bra size of 48J


    • 18
      Anonymous says:

      obviously there’s f*ck all else going on in the world.

      c’mon guido, this is mediocre


    • 54
      Sir Tristan Cock-Gobbler says:

      Come on Guido, The Eye is published every two weeks, whereas you publish every day.


    • 63
      Ian Hotlips says:

      It’s worse than that – the eye’s ‘From The Message Boards’ column is clearly lifted verbatim from these comment pages.


      • 66
        Ghost of Marx ( Groucho) says:

        Bollocks – the Eye’s fab, and always has been. All the stories that fat cun.t Watson wishes he could have broken, Mid Stafs, etc. ad infinitum.

        I expect better of you, young Paul. Mr. His ( or indeed Her)lop has obviously pissed you right off at a cheese and alco pop party lately.


      • 75
        Anonymous says:

        My thoughts entirely. Sure, PE has stories which are two weeks out of date – what do you expect for a paper published fortnightly? And it has loads of stuff that Guido would kill for e.g. insightful business news, a pedigree which has exposed some of the biggest political scandals of the the past 50 years (Blunt, Archer, Thorpe etc.) – and cartoons which are actually funny, as opposed to the Monday Morning View.


        • 76
          Catty Comment (Ms) says:

          Yes, Guido and gang need to get over themselves. Perhaps they are too immature to realise that not everybody in the world visits this site and that folks have alternative choices from where they find their news snippets. This constant bickering is worse than first year in primary school playground nonsense.


      • 82
        Obviously! says:

        Shock, horror. Fortnightly magazine can sometimes report stuff later than news media which can change its reporting in nano seconds. Who would have thought it!


      • 83
        Bogbrush says:

        Great stuff, guys!


  4. 5
    Rob says:

    “This week’s”? It’s a fortnightly magazine, isn’t it?


    • 6
      But... says:

      The latest issue came out “this week”?


    • 8
      Ruperts boy says:

      at least Private Eye is funny and independent.


      • 14
        Blagdon Amateur Rapist says:

        I bought an Eye not long ago, having not read one for years. I remember it as having been funny all those years ago when I was a subscriber, but I now found it unfunny and its articles near-unreadable.

        Bring back Bazza! And the Cloggies!


      • 29
        B Boyd says:

        ‘Private Eye is independent’?? WAS, old chap.


      • 55
        Cato Street Conspiratot says:

        The thing about Privare Eye is that it isn’t a support vehicle for parasitic bankers masquerading as ‘libertarian’.


  5. 7
    EU funded BBC Brainwash News says:

    Who is this twat on BBC news that is suggesting that the UK needs to adopt the EU bank bonus cap as “they (the bankers) would have nowhere else to go within the European time zone”.

    Oh yes because that’s all there is… a European time zone!

    What planet is this fucking thick EU lickspittle on?


    • 12
      The BBC....making Labour's what we do says:

      Will Hutton


    • 20
      Check your facts, fuckwit says:

      There isn’t a “European time zone”. We’re on GMT as is Portugal. Most of Europe is one hour ahead, but some countries are two, three or even four (Moscow time) hours ahead.


      • 23
        EU funded BBC Brainwash News says:

        That’s what Will Hutton said NOT me you prick!


      • 62
        Anonymous says:

        Until 1940 metropolitan France was on GMT but was switched to Berlin time by the Nazis.


        • 68
          Mars Attacks says:

          Well, if the Germans told them to do it, it’s no wonder they haven’t changed back. That’s the reason the French keep those lovely tree shrouded, wide boulevards in Paris – so that the German Army can march in the shade, any time they want to come back.


    • 24
      Point of Information says:

      Is the cap / transaction tax applying in Switzerland or Norway ?

      Thought not.


      • 32
        Anonymous says:

        Switzerland isn’t in the EU so it can do what the fuck it likes.
        Hmm-sounds like a plan…


        • 69
          Mars Attacks says:

          Hong Kong, New York? I know they are not as exciting as London, but …. No hang on they are! Book the planes lads, go long on off shore bonuses!!!


  6. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Private Eye is published every two weeks, as this was a week ago it would have to be put in this week’s edition would it not? This seems like a complete non story designed solely to take a shot at Private Eye.


    • 30
      Honey says:

      agreed and all this whining by Guido is rather pathetic. PE is a national treasure – get over it fatty fawkes


      • 56
        Paul Merton's helicopter pilot to Old Trafford says:

        It seems to have started after Gnome described Ghee-Dough as a “salad-dodger” a couple of months ago. Hislop might work for the Beeb, but he’s the only one on the prog who ever knows anything more than how to do a comedy Prince Charles accent. And the Beeb are lefties therefore Murdo must be a saint, obviously.


    • 40
      Cell time says:

      Now GF is part of the establishment he is no longer part of the solution.


    • 42
      The Civil Elephant Man says:

      Suspect Guido was hoping for a slot in the Eye and it went bad. He just got left with the Sun instead. Does sound like sour grapes


  7. 11
    Anonymous says:

    You’ve obviously got it in for Private Eye. How petty, childish and pathetic!!


  8. 13
    Colin says:

    Guido, your debasing of the Eye is getting tiresome. There is room for both of you, you are doing 2 different things. What has the Eye ever done to you, not invited you to the notorious lunch? The Eye is good professional journalism with good humour thrown in and a very reasonable cost. I have been subscribing over many years, and now reading your blog. I may stop reading your blog if this carries on. Is it something to do with Murdoch shilling? I think we should be told.


    • 22
      yeah, right... says:

      I’ve allowed my subscription to the Eye lapse of late. I’m now going to renew it.


    • 51
      Anonymous says:

      You won’t get an answer, now that Greedo mixes with (what he thinks are) superior hacks. he can’t be bothered to post here himself any more.


    • 60
      bergen says:

      Good post. I’m afraid that this is a poor show by Guido.


    • 65
      Oddly Helpful says:

      The Eye’s failure to develop an adequate website inadvertently allowed sharper, nimbler players to occupy the space which they’d left fallow.

      Seeing the pages which they devote to mocking the web’s idioms is pitiable


      • 70
        Mars Attacks says:

        No – sadly accurate. I’m sure I’ve spotted at least one of mine parodied. I just hope I’m not related to Bogbrush!


  9. 16
    the PBT says:

    SUNG it again SAM


  10. 17
    A bigger man says:

    Guido, I regularly read stuff on your site which is of no surprise to me, because I knew it yonks ago. I do not hold you in ridicule as a result of this. I merely assume you were out of the loop or held off publication while you checked the legals or your unreliable sources. Such is life.

    Now you work for Murdoch. You will eventually find there are things you can’t say on your Sun column. At which point, I will not take the piss out of you and merely say Thank Goodness that there are alternative outlets for information. And by the way, not all infomration is news and not all news is information. I read the Eye for information and you for gossip and tittle tattle.



    • 52
      Anonymous says:

      Guido doesn’t read the comments any more, he has moved “up” in the world (LOL).


  11. 19

    PE has been published successfully for 50 years as a FORTNIGHTLY. It’s a rhythm that people seem to like, it almost defines the magazine. This is simply not a electronic v dead tree issue and you’ll fail to make it one. Just let it go.


    • 26
      Mitch says:

      Of course, but if a story is already well known they shouldn’t cover it unless they have more information or another angle. PE is stale and needs a good shake IMO.


      • 35
        Peter Duncan says:

        No argument there. At the moment they seem to be the political wing of the HMRC. Sir! Sir! He’s not paying his taxes.


        • 49
          Colin says:

          Peter, you will see that the Eye has been reporting about Tesco, Vodaphone etc not paying taxes in the context of Hartnett doing sweet-heart illegal deals while dining in very agreeable restaurants. Someone had to do it, and it was the Eye as usual doing the spadework. They fingered 10 dinners Harnett as well as the companies egging him on with these illicit deals.


  12. 21
    Brutalist archetype says:

    The funny thing is Guido, you are still buying it, as are a lot of other people, whereas this place is about as well monetised as a trappist monestary


  13. 25
    Peter Duncan says:

    Well done fat boy.

    Thing is, I’m struggling to find the link to the bit of this site where you discuss architecture.

    You tedious one trick pony.


  14. 31
    the general public says:

    err, hello, Private Eye is fortnightly publication sold in paperback, so will always be “out of date”. Anyone who buys it clearly knows that……don’t they?

    What’s your beef with this wonderful organ anyway? People buy Private Eye and come to this blog for different reasons.

    It’s like watching your two favourite children fighting…..!


    • 45
      A bellend a day keeps the doctor away says:

      It’s actually like watching one of your favourite children fighting a fat, sweaty gobshite.


  15. 34
    David Sue. says:

    Ha ha ha.


  16. 36
    Jess The Dog says:

    Their cartoons are far better than yours. It’s a far wider range of material. They don’t hoard the juiciest snippets for a rag with the reading-age of a six year old in return for Murdoch gold. And you can read it in the bath. Other than that, keep up the good work.


  17. 37
    Cyril Ames says:

    Guido couldn’t be doing the bidding of his master, the Dirty Digger, by attacking Private Eye, no, shurely shome mishtake. Or the attack on Loughton that couldn’t be on the orders of Keith could it?

    Nobody puts Gove in the corner! When Gove speaks its really Murdoch spouting rubbish, always wondered why he looked like a ventriloquist dummy, now we know why, Keith’s hand is so far up his didgeridoo doo.

    You will not see any Boris bashing on this blog.


  18. 38
    Captain Yellowbird says:

    Drop the strop GF. All very Form Room.


  19. 43
    Jess The Dog says:

    It’s because of the ‘Never Too Old’ serial by Sylvie Krin. “Tie me kangaroo’s donger down,” spluttered the aging magnate. “Won’t those poms leave it out?” A porcelain hand soothed his cardiac-hued brow. “Calm down Lupert,” whispered the oriental seductress, “not time to die….yet.”


  20. 44
    Anonymong OE says:

    Whatever the merits or not of the Eye: those lamenting Guido for attacking it aren’t really arguing with “Guido” – much in the same way as this blogpost may or not be attacking Ian Hislop. Most of the content on this website seems to be coming from the neo- and wiki-guidos rather than the irreverent blogger who used to write things really worth coming here for……

    But I guess He’s too busy drafting the Sun column (although I imagine that the blatent media-syndication was the ambitous young ‘uns’ idea too).

    Congrats on the money though – nowt wrong with that… make hay while sun shines etc etc


  21. 46
    Raptor says:

    The Daily Mash is a lot funnier and more up-to-date than Private Eye these days. And the Eye’s “serious” pages seem to be mainly composed by resentful left-wing newspaper and BBC types, embittered at anyone who accomplishes anything positive in the real world.

    Speaking of which, apparently Private Eye hands out an annual “Paul Foot Award for Investigative or Campaigning Journalism”.

    Perhaps they could initiate a “Gerry Adams Award for Humanitarian Activities”? Fenian Footie, and his erstwhile school chum Ingrams, would doubtless appreciate that.


    • 79
      Catty Comment (Ms) says:

      Many of the original writers/contributors for the Eye were left wingers, Foot, Cockburn etc etc, and everybody knew that. But readers were not really interested in their politics; they were read for the sheer excellence of the journalism – something sadly missing these days across the whole journalistic spectrum.


  22. 47
    Jimmy says:

    “it took until the first article in the first column on the first page for him to find news totally out of date and already covered to death elsewhere….”

    …and then publish it as an exclusive.


  23. 64
    Anonymous says:

    The butthurt is strong…

    Hislop take your parking space?


  24. 73
    Anonymous says:

    I noticed that Private Eye seems to be doing the PR for some journalists

    A lot of very favourable pieces keep appearing about Dan Sabbagh and James Harding

    The tone in which they’re written suggests the reader is about to enjoy the usual scurrilous Street of Shame pieces, but they always seem to put the ex Times colleagues in a good light. You wonder why anyone would ‘leak’ a lame non story such as “Harding is well respected” or “Sabbagh is known to be independent minded”. Or why Private Eye would run these thinly veiled puff pieces.

    Do they have friends in Private Eye?

    Where’s Hislop’s sense of fair play? Who’s in charge of the clattering train?


  25. 74
    Fire up the Quattro says:

    You arevpissing me off with all this petty and pathetic rant against PE.


  26. 80
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    So, to summarise:



  27. 81
    Anonymous says:

    I more bothered by the fuckwit who’s allegedly been caught drink driving on more than one occasion if Wikipedia’s entries are correct; I’m guessing Ian hasn’t?


  28. 84
    Telegraph bike says:

    Until Guido has his own ‘Streets of Shame’ column, PE will have the upper hand. Guido has too cosy a relationship with the media, made worse by the recent Sun column.

    This place is a pale imitation of what it once was.


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