March 3rd, 2013

Read Guido’s Column in The Sun Today

In Guido’s column in the Sun today you can find out:

  • Which super ambitious Tory MP was drinking champagne when the Eastleigh result came in
  • Nigel Farage’s generous offer to Maria Hutchings
  • Why Chuka Umunna ran off the TV set on election night
  • Where Lord Ashdown was when he found out his party had held Eastleigh
  • How Tim Loughton is trying to embarrass his old boss Michael Gove
  • Lord Sugar’s new hire in Ed Miliband’s office

There are 21 political stories in the 50p Sun today. Politics for the many, not the few…


272 Comments

  1. 1
    Owin Jones says:

    Guido,are you a complete idiot or hoping to become one?

    • 4
      Owin Jokes says:

      If he is hoping to become a complete idiot, he’s clearly modelling himself on you, the finished product.

    • 5
      Vote UKIP says:

      Aw, bless! Is Labour’s Fourth Place Euphoria starting to wear off?

      • 11
        The Tao of Nationalism says:

        Coming second is only polite in bed

        • 24
          retardEd Miliband says:

          and besideth, coming fourth ith far better than coming firtht, becauth ’4′ ith a bigger number than ’1′, and bigger thingth are better than thmall thingth.

          Exthept when it’th my willy. Thize ith not important, it’th what you do with it that countth.

    • 6
      Βilly's been busted says:

      I always wondered why the Owin Jones comments were so lame, now I know.

      • 51
        Twat watcher says:

        8illy is a complete twat but I am not sure he is Owin

        • 58
          who will watch the twat watchers? says:

          Correction, Βilly is an incomplete twat. He can’t even do a good a job of being an all out twat.

    • 37
      Dave is TOAST says:

      I see Cameron’s stooges are all over the airwaves today saying what a good egg and Conservative he is.

      Too late chaps. No one believes them now.

      Homosexual marriage and a countryside covered in useless subsidised windmills do not Conservative policies make.

      • 45
        Cameron/Millitwat/BBC/Guardian plan for England: says:

        The Conservatives are too right wing and nasty – why aren’t they trying to encourage more than 1 million more immigrants per year? We should be encouraging more multiculturalism. Therefore Cameron is a dangerous conservative. And a white male too.

        Based on a true story:

      • 55
        Where are Tony Blair's expenses says:

        The Tories can’t win the next election irrespective of policies

        * No boundary changes
        * UKIP trending at > 10 % which will cost them upwards of 50 seats
        * Postal voting still a corrupt process
        * 2500 pilgrims still in place working against him full time
        * party machine is disintegrating, they had two years to get ready in Eastleigh and they still didn’t have an up to date voters list.

        So in addition to being obsessed with metropolitan issues they can add stultifying electoral incompetence to the CV.

        • 62
          BBC says:

          don’t forget us, at every stage pushing the idea that being conservative is an unpleasant thing one must avoid and that mass immigration/ethnic cleansing is a positive thing everyone must celebrate and conservatives must modernise themselves to accept it. We’re worth a few dozen seats.

          • We couldn't have done it without YOU...a thank you from the LibDems says:

            Congratulations for all your hard work in Autumn 2009 to Spring 2010 when you continually told the viewing British public how good a “balanced parliament” would be for the country. Keep up the good work for 2015

        • 82
          Gonk says:

          And they’re not Tories, simply masquerading as ‘em.

      • 119
        Nigel Faragge says:

        We just need more of it more quickly, now please.

    • 109
      Norma Stitz says:

      See me in the soaraway Sun today!

  2. 2
    The Runs says:
  3. 3
    Queen Liz says:

    One needs dioralyte.

    • 8
      Chris Bryant MP says:

      Er, could I have a pair of your soiled cacks please, your Maj?

    • 39
      HRH The Prince of Fails says:

      I say, Ma-Ma, if you are becoming incontinent, could you please consider the “Benedictine” solution here? (Haw haw, one is so droll! Don’t you think so, Seabiscuit my love?) One would like to get a bit of a running start on his own reign, don’t you know?

      • 92
        T'Old Fella says:

        Errrr, errrr, errrr one’s mummy has been on the throne for such a long time

  4. 9
    Residing in 96.99% white Merseyside says:

    I’d be too embarrassed to go and buy a copy of the Sun. Not the done thing in our part of the world.

    • 12
      A Murdoch Virgin says:

      I have never done it.

      • 16
        cock watch says:

        Hahahaha, Richard Branson is spamming on here now!

        • 53
          Twat watcher says:

          Residing in merseyside says the same thing every week – and yet loads of copies of the Sun are bought there every day

    • 20
      Scousers never miss an opportunity to thieve or whine says:

      ” too embarrassed to go and buy a copy”

      Too right. I bet in Scouseland, buying anything you can nick for free simply invites ridicule from one’s peers.

      • 35
        HRH The Qween says:

        The website that scousers use to select/get their kids xmas presents etc is called Google Earth

        • 77
          an innocent man in prison says:

          same as the bankers
          only difference
          bankers use all terrain satellite
          while the common man uses street view

          and low common denominator rags are the biggest thieves of all

    • 43
      Cameron/Millitwat/BBC/Guardian plan for England: says:

      We will make your region of the country more diverse, before the century is out it will be no more than 30% of the hated white people. Glorious multicultural utopia and lower wages too. Win Win.

      • 240
        Britain the ruined country says:

        Not long before the only half safe places to live in this country for the white English will be walled, private security patrolled, enclaves. I see the Germans are speaking out now against the rise in crime, vandalism, cost to the welfare budget etc., of their “invasion.”

  5. 10
    Old England says:

    Cameron and tory blogger,Tim Mont,,,are saying that Eastleigh was a protest
    vote..I think they,and a few others are mistaken,i believe politics have changed as a result,and,they are in denial as to the “wants” of the people..Batten down the hatches,its going to be a bumpy ride,credibility shattered….

    • 13
      handlemycock et al says:

      So they want more pervs in government then?

      • 17
        The Public Are Generally Law-Abiding Even If Politicians Aren't says:

        No, we want them in prison.

        • 23
          handlemycock et al says:

          Well they’re not doing a very good job of it are they? The scum of Eastleigh have just elected another one. watch this space.

          • Lech Walesa says:

            England nice country for bumming. We send all our bum boys to England.

            Mister Cameron nice posh bum boy, Nicholas Clegg too. Edward Miliband love his mum.

          • T'Old Fella says:

            “The scum of Eastleigh ” that is just the language which lost the cons so many votes, they may just think you are scum, there must a quite a few from Eastleigh reading this blog, congratulating for you PR did you learn it at the feet of Dave

          • The scum of eastleigh says:

            well said

    • 15
      The Genius of Democracy says:

      Even if it were a protest, why does a politician think it wise to ignore protests? If Tony Blair had listened to protests over the Iraq war he would have avoided making a massive mistake. The public is not always wrong.

      • 26
        Tony Bliar resplendant in his white robes says:

        Yes they are.

      • 63
        Anonymous says:

        WTF should Politicians pay any attention to protests?! They are not affected by them in any significant way at all. However:

        IF PROTESTORS HAD THEIR DEMOS IN FRONT OF THEIR LOCAL MP’S
        HOUSE, THESE WOULD FIND THE EXPERIENCE QUITE MEMORABLE!

        Plod would also be quite stretched at having to have a large presence be in 650 places simultaneously.

        • 260
          Catty Comment (Ms) says:

          But in many cases you would have to have advance notice of which of the four they will in at the time.

      • 81
        The sheeple are content says:

        Good God man ..we don’t do revolutions here… not since 1688.. we couldn’t give a fuck about politics….as long as Eastenders is shown nightly ALL is well with the World

      • 210
      • 230
        C T Onions says:

        @Genius

        >Even if it were a protest

        You used the subjunctive mood! First time that’s happened here since 2008! However, “the public” generally requires a plural verb, a bit like “the news”.

        Carry on.

    • 249
      Anonymous says:

      How long is it since Eastleigh was last conservative ? 40 years isnt it ? so obviously they really thought they would win this time — NOT !

      • 251
        Casual Observer says:

        Incorrect.

        Eastleigh was Conservative until 1994 when it was lost to Lib Dems.

        Prior to 1994 it had been Conservative for 35 years.

  6. 14
    Alternative Strapline says:

    Suck Ruperts Column in The Sun Today

    • 19
      going tits up says:

      Fuck off Rusbridger, it might help if your army of paper revolutionary journos actually wrote something that people wanted to read ffs.

      • 21
        Alternative Strapline says:

        Cor wot a scorcher

        • 25
          going tits up says:

          That’s spelt, ‘scorcha’, actually. Amateur!

          • It keeps the pl*bs happy says:

            And it should have liberal exclamation marks and capital letters:

            “COR! WOT A SCORCHA!”

            “SEE PAGES 1-6! CELEB GOSS, PAGES 7-15! LATEST XFACTA GOSS, PAGES 16-28! FOOTIE NEWS, PAGES 29-39! Giant meteorite to destroy northern hemisphere, page 40.”

          • HRH The Qween says:

            LOL Dont make me laugh one might shit ones self

          • by their idiocy shalt thou know them says:

            You lame fuckers, Murdoch has made millions by spelling like wot the plebs do. Idiots never fucking learn though, by definition.

      • 110
        Alan Rusbridger, eclectic pianist says:

        Today I am mostly playing Is Anybody Out There by K’naan.

        • 151
          Peter Asher, famed recording industry producer, says:

          Nobody I Know. (Yes, I WAS the inspiration for Mike Myers with his Austin Powers look, no matter what Simon Dee may have said.)

          • Nogbad the Bad says:

            Ah yes, I remember them. They were formerly known as Mandelson and Brown. I think they fell out over a bird called Miranda.

  7. 18
    Anonymous says:

    power for the money and for the few in the insular world of politics.
    austerity might open more eyes to ways of bypassing this.

  8. 22
    HRH The Qween says:

    I have just followed through.

    I think the pleb vernacular is ‘One has sharted’

  9. 27
    Mlupto says:

    Here is an open letter to conservative MP’s.

    Dear MP
    How are you getting on? Are you like your illustrious leader at all worried about the result in Eastleigh? You should be! This is the future for the conservative party. When your leader and the elite in Westminster forgo normal conservative policies they are like generals on a battlefield with no troops left behind them.

    Cameron is not a conservative; he is a socialist liberal who wants the British people to be governed by other socialists/communists on the continent in the dreaded EU.
    The only conservative party we now have is UKIP. The reaction from Cameron after the bye election that “we shall continue on the same path as always” tells us that he cannot learn by his mistakes and must go.

    I request that you, yourself, do something constructive to change things for the good of the Country, either lead a rebellion to get rid of Cameron or join the UKIP party.

    If that is not to your liking then perhaps you should be thinking about what kind of employment you will take up after the next general election.

    I hate to think that we would have a labour government, with the damage that would do, but the LibLabCon are all one party. You are all the same, beneath contempt.

    You just talk…..Do something!

    • 28
      Call me Dave says:

      Hello

      It is not bye election, its bi election – Like bi sexual i.e. almost perfect

    • 36
      Tim Yeo is a useless sack of shit says:

      (Standard reply, Dictated to secretary)

      Thank you for your email. I agree that this spring should be a great early season for Britain, and David Cameron is working tirelessly to make it so. Also, much rain is needed, and will be delivered.

      I trust this addresses your concerns. But I don’t give a shit if it doesn’t. Thank you for writing to me.

      regards etc.
      Tim Yeo MP.

      • 46
        HoC says:

        And don’t forget to leave all correspondence with personal details of the public in a park in London

      • 68
        Politician says:

        Bwahahah! You Mongs think I give a shit about elections! I have 101 ways of troughing your wonga without winning stupid elections!

  10. 30
    Anonymous says:

    The Tories are toast.

    • 65
      Residing in 96.99% white Merseyside says:

      They’ve been toast up here since the 1980′s.

    • 104
      Anonymous is a Fuckwit says:

      Brilliant, Anonymous! What a Wapping deduction! That’s like saying water’s wet. Please take the Plastic Fuckwit Award, you fuckwit. Oh, yes: and fuck off while you’re doing it.

  11. 32
    The Guardian says:

    Headline today

    EVIL TORIES INVENT WEAPON THAT WILL EAT THE FIRST BORN OF EVERY PERSON ON THE PLANET

  12. 34
    Mlupto says:

    I stand corrected

  13. 38
    Enemy-occupied UK says:

    Real Conservatives will battle for Britain’s future.
    First step : expel the fraud Cameron and his Common Purpose cronies.

    • 44
      Could be a vote-winner says:

      First step – and I’ve already started on this (and you can today): boycótt shops and all other businesses that employ EU immígrants. Let them know of your decision. Use your consumer vote. Companies will learn, or go to the wall.

      • 50
        So? says:

        We really have to stop all immigration – they are ethnically cleansing us. I think it’s already too late sadly, there are schools now without a single English child there, give it a generation and it won’t be our land anymore. I don’t know what we can do, all around the world the western societies are killing themselves. Interestingly Mexico, India, China etc allow no immigration and no multiculturalism. Probably the only hope in Europe is Switzerland.

        As for the plan you propose it is better than doing nothing. However if you inform the business you might find a Guardian-reading type reports you to the police who now are more interested in investigating “racism” than actual crimes. We have to be careful – they want to ship us off to re-education centers.

        • 72
          Residing in 96.99% white Merseyside says:

          I thought Switzerland was full of immigrants.

          And the DM keeps going on about white families who have a dozen or more kids.

          • Bert Camus says:

            Tories put up a second rate candidate for a by election and lose on Thursday .

            Come Sunday and it is bash an immigrant day .

          • Jimmy Fuckwit says:

            ‘Immigrants’ are actually cuddly grannies and poor ickle children with no shoes, who arrive with just a rusty pram with all their worldly goods therein. Not male, 20 something chancers wearing leather jackets and designer clothes as they are so often portrayed.

        • 130
          Dr brenner says:

          Immigrants only allowed in on the basis of strelization on entry.

        • 204
          uktgfukfy says:

          I’d rather have immigrants as neighbours than inbred mong dregs like you.

      • 214
        CarryHole is a stupendous Hunt says:

        Most of the problems stem from because of people who come for the loot* not from those who work (not that they don’t drive down wages and raise rents).

        i.e. benefits and “free” NHS “care”…

    • 179
      Don't say you weren't told says:

      The U.K. is full. Immigrants should only be allowed in on a one for one basis matched with emigrants for age and qualifications.

  14. 42
    Did Chuka Chuck up or Crap his Kecks? says:
    • 48
      So? says:

      Worth watching for a good laugh – can’t embed it, Guido’s mods have blocked it, expect even he is scared of some of the more extreme left-wingers:

    • 49
      Paniagua Dos says:

      Has anyone seen HRH and Chuka in a room together at the same time?

      mmm I wonder if Chuka is a Queen?

    • 52
      Never work with children, animals or Common-Purpose stooges says:

      Sounds like he pooped on-set.
      Situation normal.

    • 90
      pissed off voter says:

      made a change from him talking shit.

    • 112
      Sir William Wade says:

      I simply don’t believe our Chuckie eats Chicken Kiev. He is far too posh.

  15. 56
    Labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

    That wasn’t a by election it was a bye, bye, election.

    Bye, bye lib/lab/con.

    And some knob’s are calling it the end of democracy!

    When in fact it’s a rebirth.

  16. 57
    Blast From The Past says:

    U-turn if you want to, the ‘Gentlemen’ is not for turning?

    If so, UKIP has just lost its’ main reason-for-being. It’s a funny old world.

  17. 59
    Ah! Monika says:

    There are 21 political stories in the 50p Sun today. Politics for the money, not the few…

  18. 61
    The fightback starts here says:

    Dear pseudo Italian waiter.

    I will grind my own pepper thanks. Just put a normal sized grinder on the table next to the salt and bugger off.

  19. 66
    Call me Dave says:

    Why is it that I have 2 sisters and 1 brother, but Tania my sister has 2 brothers and 1 sister?

    • 113
      Sir William Wade says:

      I read that one in four children is Chinese, so I wondered who out of me, my brother and my two sisters it is. I’m pretty sure I’m not Chinese. I think it must be my brother, but my sister Xiaoyi says not.

  20. 67
    Call me Dave says:

    Why is it that I have to set the alarm clock for 7 when there are 6 of us?

  21. 76
    Guido McCunt says:

    Also, when you’re done, open Guido’s top desk draw. It’s full of poppers.

  22. 79
    Jimmy says:

    Is this a quiz? What fun!. My guesses:

    1. David Davis
    2. Help her to escape
    3. Late for his handsome class
    4. With Mrs Ashdown of course
    5. Reminding us that the best known Tory childcare policy idea ever
    came from Dean Swift
    6. Jurgen Klinsmann

    • 83
      Hang that don't add up !!! says:

      We asked 100 people for their answers and 86 of them didn’t realise that there had been a by-election and 35 said they’d voted for the SNP

    • 88
      Socialism Really Does Work, by rich bastard Neil Kinnoch says:

      “Late for his handsome class”

      Late for his smug git class more like.

    • 94
      Socialism is a severe mental illness says:

      “Reminding us that the best known Tory childcare policy idea ever”

      Here’s a childcare policy for you: look after your own fucking kids, you useless fucking socialist parasite.

      I would actually put that, as a banner, over the front door of every benefit office (all of which, incidentally, I would close). In fact, as I doubt many of Labour’s supporters can actually read, I’d make a YouTube video for these poor impoverished chavs to watch on the iPads I’ve been forced to buy them, and the video would feature you, Jimmy, approaching a benefit office with your hands outstretched, moaning, “gimme gimme gimme other people’s moneyyyyyyy” and then having a door slammed in your face. You turn to the camera, blood pouring from what remains of your nose, and as your grief-stricken face fills the screen a voiceover says, “Don’t be a Dimmy like Jimmy, earn your own fucking money.”

      • 127
        Spare Rooms for all..protecting YOU against the TORY cuts says:

        I recently paid a visit to our local Labour-run council offices and whilst waiting for my number to be called to see one of their customer service agents a large 46 inch lat screen plasma TV on the wall was detailing all the benefits such as housing benefits that could be claimed with the legend…”Ask one of our Customer Service Agents for details and they will see if YOU are eligible

      • 161
        Make these scroungers work! says:

        Well said SIASMI. :) :) :)

      • 220
        CarryHole is a stupendous Hunt says:

        Why can’t I vote for the SIASMI party?

    • 192
      Your Weekly Quiz answers says:

      The correct solutions are:

      1) Picking his nose
      2) They are as ugly as sin
      3) A sheet, an Irishman, and a dwarf
      4) Cain and Abel
      5) 5 pints, and Seb Coe in a body lock
      6) (a) Vaz (b) oil slick (c) anyone he can be photographed with
      7) (a) all wimmin list (b) Jack Dromey (c) probably
      8) David Laws, boyfriend, expenses, nothing to see here
      9) Bryant, as all the others don’t have quite so many hissy fits
      10) Damian McBride, shit

  23. 86
    Dave (or the last Tory leader ever) says:

    Guido is writing for the Sun. Sold out much lately? maybe he is smoozing with Louise Bagshaw.

  24. 95
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    Clegg has just described the victory in Eastleigh as “stunning ” .

    Well the only people who have been stunned are all us taxpayers right.

    There was a full election in 2010 which cost us all a lot of money. The Liberals won it with a candidate who to put it politely is an adulterous lying criminal .

    When he was found out he resigned . If Clegg and his Liberals had done proper due diligence before nominating this person as candidate in 2010 we would not have been saddled with the costs of a by election .

    What I propose is that all the bills for this by election are totted up and sent to Mr Clegg to pay .

    Then we will see who is truly stunned

    • 99
      resident gimp says:

      I’d like to see him stunned with a cattle prod. Much more direct and brutal.

      • 105
        Socialism is a severe mental illness says:

        Stun him with a cattle prod, then remove his heart, lungs, liver etc and sell them to wealthy Chinese businessmen. That should cover much of the bill for the election.

        On second thoughts, don’t stun him.

  25. 97
    Nadine's left nipple says:

    So if bashing immigrants and attacking human rights legislation is not veering to the right then what is ?

    • 101
      queing up for the banana boat says:

      If I lived in a country with no developed infrastructure or welfare system, I know what I’d fucking do.

  26. 98
    Casual Observer says:

    Someone mentioned Sunday Times YouGov polls earlier.

    Some comparison over the year is interesting, looking at data gathered for 1st March 2012 / 2013:

    Voting Intention
           |2012 (%)|2013 (%)|Change (%)
    Con    |      40|      31|        -9
    Lab    |      39|      42|         3
    Lib Dem|       9|      10|         1
    UKIP   |       5|      11|         6
    Other  |       7|       5|        -2
    

    This clearly shows that Conservatives are losing support, and UKIP are gaining. This is a more sober version of what was reflected in the Eastleigh by-election, and is likely the lower bound on what the national change in intention is.

    Cameron doing well or badly as Prime Minister ?
              |2012 (%)|2013 (%)|Change (%)
    Total Well|      44|      35|        -9
    Total Bad |      50|      58|         8
    ---------------------------------------
    Overall   |      -6|     -23|       -17
    

    Well, we didn’t really need a poll to tell us that.

    Miliband doing well or badly as Leader Labour?
              |2012 (%)|2013 (%)|Change (%)
    Total Well|      22|      28|         6
    Total Bad |      66|      59|        -7
    ---------------------------------------
    Overall   |     -44|     -31|        13
    

    It would appear that people feel Ed has improved, but only because he is now perceived as being less bad.

    Clegg doing well or badly as Leader LibDems ?
              |2012 (%)|2013 (%)|Change (%)
    Total Well|      22|      17|        -5
    Total Bad |      69|      74|         5
    ---------------------------------------
    Overall   |     -47|     -57|       -10
    

    Again poll not really required to tell us this. The recent scandal and total comprehensive failure to deliver on any manifesto pledges Cleggs leadership qualities are not going to be held in high regard.

    So, Cameron and Clegg have both declined in the eyes of those polled over the past year, Miliband has improved but is still negatively perceived probably more because he has kept quiet.

    UKIP though, even in the Sunday Times polls, are picking up support.

    The poll sources are available from:

    http://yougov.co.uk/news/2013/03/03

    NB: Last years comparison was published 2012 03 04

    • 159
      No steps forward 100 steps back says:

      Eh!, Eh! this is not PB you know, if I want to know when a politician farted in 2010 I go to Political Betting, If I want to help destroy a politician I come here.

    • 270
      Peter (info)Snowstorm says:

      Looking at the spin-o-meter (and this is just for fun) we can see that what some consider to be vital info today – no one will give a Flying Duck about in a week or twos time.

  27. 102
    P l e b says:

    “Switzerland’s voters go to the polls to decide on controversial proposals which would impose strict limits on the salaries awarded to top executives.”

    And it’s about time it was done here.

    Capping benefits = good
    Capping banksters’ bonuses = bad

    • 106
      Shabbat goy Fawkes says:

      Anti-semitic c’unt!

    • 117
      Eddie George says:

      Dear bankers: get your name in the hat for the next round of QE; remember, it’s money with your name on it. The country needs your obvious talents. Don’t forget to throw a few billion towards HMRC to keep the gravy coming

      • 121
        P l e b says:

        Why is always the banksters that get this money, and not us underlings?

        • 131
          Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

          Yes why should the bankers be rich when we can all bask in the glory of poverty without anyone investing in the country and no company taking on workers and no one daring to get rich for fear of being treated as witches used to be. Is that what naive idiots want for this country?

    • 224
      CarryHole is a stupendous Hunt says:

      Stupid idea.

      Hopefully it’s only one of the Swiss cantons that will implement this harmful idiocy.

      If you want a useful cap on banking salaries make the bonus payable when the debt is repaid.

  28. 107
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    Stand by to repel boarders chaps; this is the week we get those missing 2 million visitors that our host warned us about.

  29. 111
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    We need a Scouser Spring!

    • 155
      Problems problems says:

      You may get a Birkenhead spring, Liverpool is trying to take over Wallasey and Birkenhead, good job there’s a river in between, Woolybacks Forever!.

  30. 114
    Owin Jones says:

    Lib Dems ‘all ears’ to Labour’s mansion tax debate http://gu.com/p/3e7xp/tw

  31. 115
    anon. says:

    Everything’s going to be ok. William is working on handing out around
    100 million new EU – British passports.

    • 123
      The tit in no. 10 says:

      Might as well make India part of the EU as I’ve invited them all to come to the UK.

    • 142
      albacore says:

      Weren’t he the Tories’ Great White Hope as a kid?
      Only in those days he had hair on his lid
      Maybe if he obtained a nice, warm toupee
      He might just delay this sad mental decay

      • 164
        Anonymous says:

        Oh Billy
        You’ve turned rather silly
        Your days as a ten pinta
        Are sadly behind ya
        Oblivion beckons this way

  32. 116
    One Term Dave says:

    Ooh I love touchy-feely fluffy pink policies. It’s why I’m such a popular PM.

  33. 118
    Jack (no relations of any type unless Hattie suggests) says:

    Keep calm and carry on, it’s not a picture of an alien on my t-shirt but Harriet in the buff.

  34. 124
    THE THIRD ROUNDEL says:

    Reading the `Tory` press today is depressing. They just don`t get it! Matthew D`Ancona, Janet Daley (normally sound and reliable) et al, all completely miss the point. The public no longer trust anything Cameron says and are particularly cynical about any populist concessions he appears to make (the in-out referendum). He has lost all credibility and simply cannot comprehend what is important to the typical voter. The Tories stand no chance while he and his clique control them.

    • 127
      Labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

      The only way to restore any belief is to do something BEFORE the next election (notice I said DO).

      • 136
        old SHEP says:

        The message does rather seem to be never do today what you can put off doing until tomorrow (2015).

        • 160
          Lou Scannon says:

          It’s high time Cameron’s lie about a possible in/out referendum on the EU was called.
          The media are full of shit about Cameron having promised a referendum when he’s done nothing of the sort.
          Cameron just used weasel words that leave him with 100 ways to avoid ever having a referendum.
          The Conservatives urgently need to get rid of Cameron or they will be wiped out forever.

          • old SHEP says:

            The lib/dems keep torpedoing any reforms any way, and he let them waste 200 million on an A/V a referendum that the electorate were not interested in, pissing about in the margins as usual.

          • Catty Comment (Ms) says:

            Agree with Shep. The two-faced duplicitous Libs are allowed FAR too much influence considering the minuscule number of votes they got. They are bent (no pun intended) on blocking everything (and generally succeeding too) that Dave is trying to do. Time for our so-called Prime Minister to grow a pair and tell them to shape up or ship out.

            He could start by reshuffling all the Libdem ministers out of their Ministries and then we can all watch the fun as they puff themselves up so much they explode all over the mace. If that breaks some hidden agreement they made when the coalition was set up, too bad. The Libdems have reneged on virtually all the commitments they made, can no longer be trusted and should pay for their duplicitousness.

            Catty has spoke!!

        • 229
          George Orwell says:

          There’s a French school of satire which coins what would in English be called “PER-verbs,” i.e., proverbs that turn the old ones on their heads to make a point when necessary. The one you cite is good enough, to be sure, but my favourite along those lines always was “Never put off till tomorrow what needn’t be done at all.” And those are words politicians live by. Politicians hope that if they hold on long enough, whatever it is blows over, rendered academic by intervening events. “We or somebody may hold something or other like a referendum sometime or another about something or another having to do with the EU or something like that or whether or not the UK or any part of it should or can participate in whole or in part with any sort of an EU as it is now or later to be constituted” is enough of a vague meaningless jumble that they can mouth it all they want, knowing it can always be disregarded in the light of future events. Should the EU fall apart of its own accord, the pol’s can always say, “Whew! Wotta relief! We never had to commit ourselves one way or the other with a referendum! Weren’t we the clever lads and lasses!”

          • Catty Comment (Ms) says:

            George, you have hit the nail on the head.

            “Never put off till tomorrow what needn’t be done at all.”

            THAT is exactly the problem. They never do put off what need not be done at all. In fact they rush straight into it with little or no thought as to possible unforeseen consequences and, thanks to Labour’s years of utter lunacy, we now have about 3000 new laws on the book which attest to this.

            Whatever happened to the Great Repeal Bill we all heard so much about? Was it accidentally burned in the Great Bonfire of the Qangos?

    • 132
      The cultural self-hate Prime Minister says:

      Personally I hate the Tory Party and everthing it once stood for. I hate privilege in any form. I hate the closet racists in UKIP. I hate my stupid provincial MPs. I hate Britain and I will ensure it stays in the EU. There will be no lurching from me. I am the most popular Prime Minister ever, and I will win the next election without the Tory Party.

    • 135
      Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

      You are right. They think UKIP is just a protest vote. But the Lib Dems were a protest vote once. The SNP were a protest vote once. Look at Italy where a ‘protest’ party led by a blogger called Grillo got 25% of the vote IN A GENERAL ELECTION.

      • 138
        Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

        Why can’t there be a British Spring led by UKIP?

        • 147
          Must get a pseudonym one day says:

          There is one, it’s just starting. Watch the Euro elections in 2014, when spring becomes summer.

        • 165
          P l e b says:

          Because many people won’t vote for another right-wing party. They’ve seen the damage the Tories are doing.

          • Why the hell is Cameron still in no. 10 ? says:

            It’s getting difficult to remember when we last had a right-wing party in power. The present shower of shit has gone over to the other side with Liebor. They should all be sat on the same benches in Westminster.

        • 272
          Anonymous says:

          Because UKIP is a False Flag Party. They have no other role than to force the Tories ever more to Right. If that was to happen, the hard-right Tories would then dump them. Simples!

      • 167
        P l e b says:

        You are deluded if you think UKIP could form a government in this country. They will never be bigger than the Liberal Democrats once were.
        One-trick-pony of a Party.

    • 137
      JadedJean says:

      Surely you mean “libertarian” press?!?

      Until you start to understand the philosophy that underlies libertarianism and its Austrian School (and for that read Austrian/Frankfurt school economic anarchism…and for that read J e wish) politics you will continue to think that “they” just don’t get it. Where as in fact, it is YOU that doesn’t get the agenda behind THEIR subversive politics.

      Gay marriage is just one of the 200 key tenets of the Austrian School. Wake up and wake up fast!

    • 139
      Anonymous says:

      The Cameron/Osborne mission is to destroy the Tory Party and build a new social democratic alignment.

    • 144
      Anonymous says:

      Cameron is not capable of changing – he must go!

    • 146
      Anonymous says:

      Note that Cameron`s chum Mitchell is set to become an EU Commissioner in a move which Mitchell describes as career development.

  35. 145
    Tom Smear Man Watson says:

    Fuck, where are the HOC lift porters.Who the fuck made them redundant? How the fuck do I get my half to of buns up to my office? Someone is going to regret what’s happened.

    • 174
      Randy Rennard says:

      I’ll do the job as a volunteer. Lots of opportunities for groping the bums of young nubile M.P.s of both sexes.

  36. 148
    The Watcher says:

    Is Cliff Richard a wrong un?

  37. 153
    Problems problems says:

    Do you think someone is trying to tell us something plastered on the back of a road sign a Union Flag and underneath it is marked Home Rule.

  38. 154
    Queen Liz says:

    The Queen has been admitted to hospital. What did Charles put in her curry?

  39. 156
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    I AM PREPARING TO BECOME CHANCER OF THE EXCHEQUER IN 2015

  40. 169
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    The Queen has been taken to hospital. Andy Burnham has suggested she goes straight to Stafford Hospital where he will personally arrange treatment. Vase water is ready. The hospital is expected to receive phone calls from Australian radio stations.

  41. 170
    Camoron is Fucked says:

    Come in No. 10, your time is up.

  42. 171
    Casual Observer says:

    The following demonstrates the effect of the UKIP (or Conservative) vote split in the SE.

    If the Eastleigh by-election result was repeated over the South East in a GE tomorrow, with the following gains / losses in each constituency (Excluding Eastleigh):

    2013 Election: South East: Eastleigh Changes
    Party|Change (%)
    ----------------
    Con  |    -13.96
    Lab  |       0.2
    LD   |    -14.48
    UKIP |      24.2
    

    The 2013 GE would result in 8 seats changing, being won by Labour from Conservatives, with majorities as indicated:

    2013 Election: South East – Based on Eastleigh Result
    Constituency       |Majority (Over)
    -----------------------------------
    Brighton Kemptown  |   7.62% (UKIP)
    Chatham & Aylesford|    0.31% (Con)
    Crawley            |    1.68% (Con)
    Dover              |    3.69% (Con)
    Hastings & Rye     |   10.16% (Con)
    Hove               |   6.55% (UKIP)
    Milton Keynes South|   4.48% (UKIP)
    Reading West       |    1.53% (Con)
    

    The following would be marginals, with less than 1% between first and second as indicated:

    2013 Election: South East – Based on Eastleigh Result
    Constituency                |Majority (Over)
    --------------------------------------------
    Chatham & Aylesford (Lab)   |    0.31% (Con)
    Oxford West & Abingdon (Con)|     0.84% (LD)
    Spelthorne (Con)            |   0.43% (UKIP)
    

    Holding the above SE voting changes static at Eastleigh, UKIP start to pick up seats from the Conservatives if the Conservative loss drops to just -14.3%

    The first constituency to go in that case would be Spelthorne, albeit with only a 0.1% majority to UKIP over the Conservatives.

    • 177
      Don't say you weren't told says:

      Low majority Tory M.P.s take note. Dump Dave.

      • 200
        Casual Observer says:

        These are the MPs whose seats are at risk of going to Labour as per the above:

        2013 Election: South East – Based on Eastleigh Result
        Constituency       |MP (Party)
        ------------------------------
        Brighton Kemptown  |     Kirby, Simon  (Con)
        Chatham & Aylesford|   Crouch, Tracey  (Con)
        Crawley            |     Smith, Henry  (Con)
        Dover              |Elphicke, Charlie  (Con)
        Hastings & Rye     |      Rudd, Amber  (Con)
        Hove               | Weatherley, Mike  (Con)
        Milton Keynes South|    Stewart, Iain  (Con)
        Reading West       |     Sharma, Alok  (Con)
        

        Spelthorne is currently held by: Kwarteng, Kwasi  (Con)

  43. 173
    Anonymous says:

  44. 176
    Pin-u-down Analysis (catches Bob out) says:

    Bob from Pinner is our resident troll. He used to post as Ewаnme until Guido kicked him/her off. He steals other people’s monikers and adds different website addresses.

    Kebab Time‘s website is h**p://kebabtime.blogspot.com/ Bob changes this to htt-p://kebabtime.blogstop.com/

    Schrödinger’s cat‘s is changed completely to h**p://keepingmyheaddownafteralltheabuse/

    Can’t remember my moniker‘s is changed completely to h**p:// ipaynotax/

    Pin-u-down Analysis make some clever software which can take a complete blog page and rearrange the posts in time order. It can all be done with a click of the mouse button. You can see when people arrive and when they depart. Even if they are stealing other people’s monikers. There is a facility to group those using multiple names. Interesting to see the results when compared with what is on the TV:

    (March 2, 2013)
    Robbie Williams Live: Take the Crown is from 10:00 to 12:15

    In the break:
    Kebab Time [trolled] says: at 10:54 pm You only know a small part of it.
    Kebab Time [trolled] says: at 11:00 pm @Blowing Whistles – what are you on

    (now March 3, 2013)
    After Robbie Williams Live finishes at 12:15:
    Kebab Time [trolled] says: at 12:21 am Anerrhíphtho kýbos.
    Kebab Time [trolled] says: at 12:27 am You know my real name is…
    Kebab Time [trolled] says: at 12:36 am really really funny – am still laughing
    Schrödinger’s cat [trolled] says: at 12:44 am We need to ban the Romanians from travelling in the EU.
    8illy Kebab [obviously trolled] says: at 12:46 am You can attack me as much as you like but you cannot beat my record

    TOTP (1978) is from 12:50 to 1:20
    Cheers 1:20 ended 1:45
    Sleepy Head says: at 1:48 am WTF an who cares?
    Sleepy Head says: at 1:51 am The *ModB0t* was Ewa’s invention. Feel free to credit her every time you use it.
    Anonymous says: at 1:55 am Does it really matter?
    Anonymous says: at 2:49 am It does if you spend your whole life on here doesn’t it 8illy Kebab, Can’t Remember My Moniker, Schrodinger’s Cat, Casual Observer, Blowing Whistles and the other twats who operate from the shadows of false names.

    Then today, after a lie-in, he is at it again (March 3, 2013):

    Can’t remember my moniker [trolled] says: at 12:20 pm I am far to smug living in tax exile to join this debate
    Can’t remember my moniker [trolled] says: at 1:22 pm I would have replied earlier but I had popped into town to see some friends!
    Troll patrol patrol says: at 1:31 pm @Troll patrol Why do you bother? Isn’t it the case that everybody who posts in a false name, you and now me included, is a troll. You are a troll and I claim my five pounds.

    Bob. You are hereby banged to rights! Time you upped your act. Not only do your posts reek of piss but your clothes, your breath and most probably your bed does as well.

    • 183
      you ain't wrong says:

      lol

    • 188
      TITTIES n BEER says:

      I’m laughing but I’m not sure why. Who are these morons and should I care?

      Mumsnet is far more orderly.

    • 190
      The Piss Soaked Tramp Formally Known As TAT! says:

      Amateurs, back in my day none of this would have gone on so long.

      • 193
        Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

        You once said something mildly amusing, did you not, dear? Yes. It was 2010, if my brain remembers correctly.

    • 191
      Elton John's a boring cunt, isn't he? says:

      Oh, btw, Steve:- can you resend me that photo of “young Steve” in his budgie-smugglers?
      My HDD failed and I miss it. Thanks.

    • 207
      He used to post as Ewаnme - he was a very nice boy says:

      He still does, but on less totalitarian sites than this one.

      • 211
        Dave Figgley says:

        Ha ha, sunshine. I requested the triple LP of “Joe’s Garage” from my “folks” for my umpteenth birthday, mate.
        It, duly, arrived but my old ma had been given a mouthful in the process of purchasing.
        The old bag in Woolworths had admonished her for buying into “aural filth”, or some such words, son.
        She’d, obviously, listened to all six sides, the dirty fucker.

        Must motor etc. blah blah……..

    • 252
      Don't believe Hague says:

      When I were a lad trolls showed a glimmer of intelligence.
      http://bit.ly/Xjs3dv
      Should’ve gone to comparethetroll.com

  45. 181
    Revd. (£rd Fucking Way) Phoney B£iar, sanctimonious git and £iar, emoting and wiv stupid grin says:

    Hi !!! and Hullo !!!!

    Just popped in to let you know that I’m ready to stand in for the Father in Rome AND Brenda if she’s indisposed long. Final proof I really am all things to all people.

    Meanwhile, my money tree grows strong and all because I invented NooLieBore – just like my boy Dave is inventing a Party to suit his tastes.

    Anyway – must fly – Cherry said not to stay out too long.

  46. 182
    Bogeyman says:

    I’m really surprised no one has mentioned Diane James, the UKIP candidate at Eastleigh. At tad on the mature side but, by god, I could.

  47. 184
    DaveCam says:

    BedroomTax Petition. (120,000+ signatures already)

    Ok I will promise not to introduce a bedroom tax. I will cut the benefit on empty rooms instead. Just like it was in the first place ….

  48. 185
    TITTIES n BEER says:

    “There are 21 political stories in the 50p Sun today.”

    I would think the clue lies in the “50p” bit, yeah?

    Most quality Sundays ask you to part with three quid.

  49. 186
    Nadine's left nipple says:

    We are sending troops and other assistance to Mali at their request and not billing them.

    After hearing that Philip Hammond whinging about having no money left I am more than a little annoyed by this.

    He should start redesigning one of our two non commissioned aircraft carriers. A bit of stud partitioning and extra lavatories and it would make an excellent prison ship .

    He could then lease it out to the Home Office and have plenty of money in his budget to pay for wars elsewhere .

    The guy is supposed to be a millionaire accountant so surely it is not asking too much to expect him to find a cost efficient solution by showing a bit of vision and initiative.

  50. 189
    Jesus Of Nazareth says:

    War With Iran

  51. 194
    It's all coming out says:

    “Cardinal Keith O’Brien has admitted that his sexual conduct has at times “fallen beneath the standards expected of me”.”

  52. 208
    REAL Conservatives care about Britain but these arseholes don't says:

    Looks like Hague will be for the chop before too long.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9905600/William-Hague-Voters-in-Eastleigh-were-being-indulgent.html
    What an arrogant tosser !

  53. 215
    Romany gypsy says:

    Nice.

    Pack your bags,
    And leave tonight.
    Don’t take your time,
    Gotta move your feet, don’t you miss the flight!
    Cool, cool, cool, cool :-)

    We have been promised benefits, Romanian envoy insists

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/immigration/9905956/We-have-been-promised-benefits-Romanian-envoy-insists.html

    • 259
      Time to call the pest control officer says:

      So if a UK resident chooses to move to Romania they can expect the same deal on benefits, can they ?
      If not, why not ?

  54. 216
    • 217
      Red Egg Millitit... National Socialist says:

      The Priests were telling the truth, the Cardinal is a liar…….. is nothing sacred anymore?

    • 242
      Britain the ruined country says:

      I see the Telegraph are not allowing any comments on the article saying Dave has promised all benefits to the forthcoming invasion of Romanians/Bulgarians. I don’t think they dare to allow them.

      • 265
        Piddling view says:

        The Romanian Foreign Minister agrees with him – just said so in an interview on Sky. So that’s all right then.

  55. 223
    Incentives says:

    What became of Green shield stamps, embassy coupons, cigarette and bubble gum cards, g0llyw0g tokens and glow in the dark ghouls in cereal packets?

  56. 228
    Incapable Vince says:

    TAX & SPEND ! TAX & SPEND ! TAX & SPEND !

    • 232
      Erskine May says:

      No need to worry about Vince Cabal any more.

    • 245
      Sir Merv ( soon to be Lord Threadneedle) says:

      I glad I’m retiring. I don’t think I could keep quantitatively easing at a fast enough rate to keep up with the Vince Dave Gideon circus clowns much longer.

    • 258
      Universal Hiss says:

      After seeing the results of the by election I thought there is no saving this country. The majority of the electorate are fuckwits. I just hope Dave directs all Bulgarians & others to settle in a crap area on the south coast.

      Strange that this seemed to be won by postal votes yet again.

      I’m depressed.

  57. 237
    Erskine May says:

    Matthew d’Ancona is pissing in the wind.

    As usual.

  58. 238
    Overvalued Ideas says:

    Is replying 9 times to one post an example of OCD?

    • 243
      Gordon Brown says:

      My soldiers must be all lined up in a neat row before I even consider taking a bite.

  59. 257
    Universal Hiss says:

    Don’t ever stray from your free content Guido…….

    http://blogs.reuters.com/felix-salmon/2013/03/03/content-economics-part-2-payments/


Media Reader

Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Mirror’s Lazy Lie | Guardian
Mirror’s Weeping Child Picture Lying Lazy Journalism | Guardian
Coulson: Everything You Need to Know in 6 Seconds | MediaGuido
BBC Still Loves the Guardian | Breitbart
Establishment Times Chums Appeasing Tory Europhiles | UKIP
Andrew Pierce v Owen Jones | MediaGuido
Michael Rosen’s Expert Opinions | MediaGuido
Metro Editor Leaves | Buzzfeed


new-advert
Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)


Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS




AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads