March 1st, 2013

Tory Deputy Chairman Declares Coalition Victory

Tory deputy chairman Sarah Newton has come out with the spin to end all by-election spin:

“It is good for the Coalition that the Coalition was able to retain the seat.”

A sure fire way to increase mutinous feeling among the Tory right even further this morning. If that’s the best they can come up with…

UPDATE: A Tory spokesman tells Guido:

“I think the Prime Minister’s response is the official response from the Conservative Party. This is a disappointing result. Obviously some people have their different ideas.”


  1. 1
    MartinW says:

    That comment is crass and appalling. If I was angry with the Cameron clique before (and I was – in a big way), then that foolish comment from the deputy chairman (of all people) increases my anger several-fold.

    • 4
      Aaron D Highside says:

      Absolutely agree – pathetic.

      • 44
        Arsefuck for freedom says:

        I do sincerely hope a journo door steps Joyce Thacker of Rotherham social services later today about her decision to remove those poor foster kids from their loving foster parent’s home purely because they were UKIP supporters.

        Fucking Common Purpose bitch!

        • 86
          Nick Clegg, closet Bender says:

          Phwoar! Sarah Newton, what a fit looking bird. did I ever tell you I’ve tupped 30 birds?

          • Sexiam is endemic in the political class says:

            Would you like to see Lord Everard’s room dear?

          • NOW VOTING UKIP says:

            She’s Ugly and in her late 50s with 3 kids shes hardly seen. The Picture is 15 years Old. Trade Descriptions eh!

            I wonder if she says the same when she loses to the Libs after they take away her 400 majority in Falmouth and Truro. I think she is in for a wrecking at the next GE because she has upset the Methodists and others for voting for the chang in Marriage definitions

      • 53
        Anonymous says:

        Leader of a county should have luck otherwise it will be bad for the country. Cameron is a loser, until he is replaced this country will be in a mess.

      • 54
        Butch Dave, soon to be ex-PM says:

        Cheer up, Guido’s bum chums, the re-collapse of UK manufacuring announced today is due to the Chinese New Year, according to Gideon. Sounds pretty convincing to me!

      • 58
        Sid the pocket snake says:

        Just glad the smug pro IRA bomb killing, pro Argentinean joker dd not get in. Any of the others did not really bother me, I was just hoping the Labour joker never got in, it would have been an insult to all of the IRA victims and our soldiers who fought to regain the Falklands from the junta.

    • 5
      drektly says:

      With only a 435 majority she won’t be an MP come 2015 anyway. Her pro Europe stance is not going down well in Cornwall.

      • 28
        Tessa Tickles says:

        I bet she became Tory Deputy Chairman purely on merit, you know. No “all female selection list”, no casting aside of better candidates because they didn’t have wombs, or any of that other patronising PC claptrap that Dave wrongly thinks will appeal to women voters.

        • 139
          Anonymous says:

          maybe there’s a tory lord rennard?

        • 155
          NOW VOTING UKIP says:

          She was Promoted to calm Cornwall tories down after the Ashley Crossley saga all but wrecked conservatism in the County 4 years ago. Oh and by the way the conservatives wouldnt take Crossley in the latest Cornish selections in fear of aggro from tory councillors and activists. I believe Ashley Crossley is trying for a safe tory seat elsewhere. He made his name as a Not bad tory tax advisor to Mickey Howard. He has recently made a personal fortune advising Russian Oligarchs and good British wealthies on their tax avoidance schemes. Fits well in the CV as a tory Candidate????. Perhaps he will find it does not fit well with the voter after the Starbucks and Amazon Tax Saga. The Press would have a field day if he was promoted to the tory echalons.

      • 48
        EU official says:

        This is why she is pro Europe

        A little £350 million bung/grant …FFS

        For an irrelevant piddling little corner of this land…

        • 76
          a memoreial to the EU and how to throw away money says:

          And a right pig’s ear of a mess it is too.

          A total waste of money. They have covered Redruth and Camborne with Chinese granite and turned a once industrial land into a euro wasteland which the locals are supposed to visit and sit in peace while they reflect on how great the EU is to bestow all this Chinese granite upon them.

        • 77
          Curly says:

          Yes, but wasn’t that OUR money in the first place? We can happily dispense with the EU middlemen and make our own decisions on where to spend it.

          • The EU way says:

            Why give directly when you can pass it down a chain and let thousands take a cut before the poor recipient gets the crumbs that are left?

            It’s the EU way.

    • 17
      what goes up says:

      “It is good for the Political class that the Political class was able to retain the seat.”

    • 24
      Gladstone says:

      Who is she? Never heard of her before

    • 26
      Michael Gove says:

      She is probably having her arse kicked as I write.

    • 36
      Hugh Janus says:

      +100. What an idiotic comment! Just further proof that they consider their supporters (I was one for 40 years but not any more) to be complete simpletons.

    • 105
      Leslie Philips says:

      DING DONG.

    • 126
      A Man says:

      Its the kind of comment which shows people that they are right not to trust our politicians

    • 149
      Great Granddad:Prime Minister in Waiting, New Utopia Party says:

      When it comes to picking people – Cameron sure can pick ‘em.

  2. 2
    the Tory party says:

    With friends like this who needs enemies?

  3. 3
    Finger up your bumhole says:

    “It is good for the Coalition that the Coalition was able to retain the seat.”

    Its a bit like saying the 1966 World Cup wind was a victory for Europe

  4. 6
    JR says:

    She does look almost blonde perhaps that accounts for her stupidity.

  5. 7
    Fruitcake, Nutter, Racist and Bloody Proud says:

    Treacherous lying scum who cannot even print a flyer in their own colours.

  6. 8
    Where are Tony Blair's expenses says:

    Exactly how stupid is this woman; and Dave thinks he has a chance in 2015.

    The rats are in a corner, the ship is sinking so SamCam better start measuring up curtains for a new home long before 2015

    • 23
      Dick the Prick says:

      Apparently Cameron’s such a weak little man that Sam Cam has already vetoed him doing a second term which seems utterly redundant now. Cameron’s legacy? Bulgarian gay marriages paid for on the never never – cheers Dave!

      • 84
        Archbishop of Banbury says:

        SamCAm will simply rejoin the Chipping Norton Set, where she belongs…

        Or those members who are not in jail…

  7. 9
    Sarah Newton says:

    It is good for Europe that a European was able to retain the seat.

  8. 10
    Yves Saint Laurent says:


  9. 11
    Tessa Tickles says:

    “La la la la la la laaaaa I’m still not listening!” – D. Cameron.

  10. 12
    Call me Dave says:

    *stretching & yawning* Morning all, have I missed anything?

  11. 13
    JR says:

    Come on true Tory MP’s get your letters into the Chairman of the 1922 and do us all a favour. Get a proper Tory leading the party not the Eaton Boy Idiot and his gang.

    • 19

      The problem is the gang not cameron per see. Replacing Cameron while keeping the gang would not be much better. Get people in the cabinet who have broad life experiences and who understand societies social levers, the law of unintended consequences, etc,gained at the hard end from wide ranging life experience. Then things will get better.

    • 20
      BloJo with his wimmin says:

      You will get me as an Eaton Boy Buffoon leader

      If you are not careful…

  12. 14

    Ha Ha ha Ha ha ha ha

    Made my morning that.

    Nothing like claiming somene else success as our own to hide your failures.

    Even with all of the negatives against the Lib Dems this week, they whipped you good and proper Tories. Get over it.

  13. 15
    Gregg Shapps says:

    Like the modern major general

    I lead my troops from behind

    When shit hits fan, I get our wimminfolk to reply…

    • 133
      Gregg's brother Grant who is somebody in the Tory Party says:

      Gregg leave political comment to me you plonker.

      Didn’t we do well.

  14. 16
    Well I Never says:

    Tory deputy chairman Sarah Newton has come out with the spin to end all by-election spin:

    “It is good for the Coalition that the Coalition was able to retain the seat.”

    That’s not spin – that’s spam.

    • 91
      Eastleigh Lady (of a certain age) says:

      I love these Libdemmies

      Who will grope me now that all you horrible people
      are stamping out their sexual shenanigans

      I loved them…

  15. 18
    Old Father Plod says:

    The Conservative Corpse starts its final death rattle!

  16. 21
    Tosspot says:

    They will be soon telling us that High Crime is necessary, to give the Police something to do.. and the vast amount of duplication & waste in the NHS is because Nurses can not understand computers.

  17. 22
    Anonymous says:

    UKIP – not as successful a protest vote as George Galloway

    • 40
      Raving Loon says:

      George Galloway just goes to Muslim ghettos and preaches love for Islam and against “the west”. It would be hard to repeat his success elsewhere.

      • 47
        Mohammad's penis says:

        Bolton, Salford, Huddersfield, Dewsbury, Batley, Rochdale etc etc

        • 158
          Gorgeous George says:

          Anybody seen the youtube video of rochdale council passing planning permission for a mosque, islamic democracy in action, coming to a town near you soon.

      • 61
        David Ward says:

        Wanna bet?

  18. 25
    JabbaTheCat says:

    Vote Ukip get LibDum? That’s real Joe Biden level street smarts. We now have a pro EUSSR and pro windmill LibDum with a vote in the HOC, instead of a sceptical Tory MP who looked like she had a mind of her own and would have stood up to Camoron and co…

    • 41
      Newton is dafter than Dave says:

      Have you not seen her constituency? Just about every new building flies a euro flag and every hilltop is covered in windmills. This daft bint is fully signed up to the EU and wind.

    • 142
      Con Artists says:

      Vote Tory = get Islam and EU

    • 150
      Snotsicle says:

      She wouldn’t have stood-up to Cameron, that’s why the party picked her to run for the seat in the first place.
      Tory candidates are no longer selected on merit, unfortunately.

      • 156
        Cornish Sausage Roll says:

        Rumour is that the selection committee 5 years ago was rigged by her own sychophantic supporters, but she lost the full support of the activists locally and only scraped in by 400 – and that was a surprise. Sha has upset locals with her enthusiasm for same sex marriage.

    • 159
      Almost Eastleigh MP says:


  19. 27
    New Town Toff says:

    Well, it’s well-known that politicians are two-faced but surely this has to be the most brass-necked reaction to an election defeat – ever.

    • 46
      Tessa Tickles says:

      Ah, I can think of a better one. Back in 2008 (or thereabouts), Labour got stuffed in a by-election, whereupon Harriet Harman (it really had to be her, didn’t it?) declared (I paraphrase) “the voters have given us a clear message that they want us to carry on in our current direction.”

      • 62
        Henry the Navigator says:

        When you have no compass

        It is easy to go in any “current direction”

  20. 30
    Jock loch says:

    This is like claiming that a Murray win is a win for England.

  21. 31
    • 87
      Anonymous says:

      it would be most useful if some kind soul could give a approximate indicator as to when huhne will get sentenced and also whether time for him at her maj’s pleasure is a absolute certainty or not or maybe.


  22. 32
    Cilla says:

    You gorra gorra laugh!

  23. 33
    Jo Moore says:

    Today is a good day to bury some Tories.

    No I mean literally

  24. 34
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    And I hope you’re satisfied, you rascal you!

  25. 37
  26. 38
    Tosspot says:

    The Prime Mentalist…. now showing ” Dave ” the sequel.

  27. 39
    A Lord says:

    She seems like a nice girl.

    • 51
      Stanley says:

      A LibDem Lord I presume?

    • 74
      Handycocker says:

      This ventriloquist dummy moves her lips very nicely. Whose fingers are twiddling her?
      She’s a bit old for me, but can I have a go with the old bowling hold technique?

  28. 50
    Hitler says:

    It is good for the winners that the losers lost

  29. 52
    Ex long term Tory supporter says:

    Where’s Randy Rennard when we need him? Give her a grope and a mouth plug asap ffs.

  30. 55
    Anonymous says:

    And the award for “inverted logoc” goes to……………!
    She should seek help.

  31. 56
    The Wisdom of Crowds says:

    She is actually right, but only by accident. This brilliant decision by the great British public shows they want the stability of a government supported by as large as chunk of the population as possible (given the skewed Westminster system), which is what the Coalition offers, but they also want to kick that government and the EU up the arse without letting Labour in by the back door.

  32. 64
    The Maximum Imbecile says:

    Boom and Bust

    Boom and Bust

  33. 65
    Red Hot LibDem Babe says:

    “It is good for the Coalition that the Coalition was able to retain the seat.”

    Reminds me of when Lard Randard invited me up to his room to form a coalition. But I did help him retain his election.

  34. 69
    pissed off voter says:

    I just heard Nick Clegg describe this result as a ‘stunning victory’.

    perfect example of the extreme b/s of politicians that I find really irritating.

  35. 71
    SamCam says:

    My dave was not very pleased with election thingy result, he thought bumsex would swing it. He has an ace in the hole though all those lovely romanians and bulgarian will be here soon to vote for him. Hahahahahaasnorhahahdribblehahaha.

  36. 75
    Hank the Cat says:

    Maybe the limpdems won cos Eastleigh is perv central

  37. 78
    Always good for a laugh is our Diane says:
  38. 79
    Fire up the Quattro says:

    The good voters of Eastleigh can look forward to two years of anonymity from their new MP. If he is anything like our Lib Dem MP, following the election he disappears for five years. He is occasionally spotted opening a fete but what he does for his constituents god only knows.

    • 85
      God says:

      Don’t ask me. I don’t surf the internet.

      • 135
        lucifer says:

        don’t sweat god, i have got it all sorted. that errant half brother of mine has been a very naughty boy and i have got the logs to prove it.

    • 110
      Tom Watson says:

      That is disgusting. MPs should represent their constituents at all times.

      Take me for example, my constituents demanded that I should travel all around the world taking Murdoch to task (funded by the unions of course not my constituents), and then spend 100% of my time sitting next to Louise Mensch. They then asked me to write a book and (allegedly) breach the rules by using information gleaned whilst being on this panel to make myself a lot of money through book sales.

    • 163
      Jack Straw says:

      SWounds like SOP for most if not all MPs.(Unless you are an immigrant,prefer muslims ).

  39. 92
    Fruitier than a Fruitcake says:

    Dave is a right pain in the arse with his bum sex marriage project.

  40. 93
    - says:

    These people don’t get it, do they.

    No wonder the government can’t cut back public spending with such bozoid bat brains in parliament.

  41. 97
    Person from Porlock says:

    Will they be holding a memorial service at Westminster Abbey for the Conservative Party?

    • 108
      Old Etonian Archbish says:

      Please do not dishonour the Church

      Henry VIII would not approve…

  42. 107
    Power Crazed Balls says:

    My heroes, Tudor Beams Prescott and Alky Pornographer Cambell, have gone silent this morning…

    Something wrong in the Labour camp?

    • 118
      Dave's toast says:

      Just keeping quiet while the Tories decide who’s going to light Dave’s funeral pyre

  43. 112
    Steve Miliband says:

    UKIP do well with just one message and no discernable policies.

    Keep it simple

    • 124
      Ed Millibland says:

      It cannot be simpler than SFA and look what it’s done for us !

    • 125
      I's because Dave is a Tory that he wants to destroy the natural family. says:

      And besides marrying brown hatters, what is Dave’s discernible policy?

  44. 121
    where the blind lead says:

    The coalition won on the postal vote, thousands of non existent students and bed ridden OAPs in comas and suffering from dementia and houses where the owners have gone abroad have all unknowingly voted for the coalition. Its the new post democratic democracy in action, our rulers are so kind and love us so much they are going to vote on our behalf to save us the trouble. You can just imagine a nursing run by the libdem council with libdem activists going round vulnerable old people warning them that unless they hand over their postal vote and authorisation the home will be forced to close down.

    • 138
      pissed off voter says:

      Just wondering … how much of the postal vote was in before the rennard thing broke – and what percentage of that vote was frmale?

    • 164
      Simon Hughes says:

      I didnt see you in the old peoples homes raped of votes Oh sorry I mean advised on the voting system and offered transport their vote so they neednot go to any trouble. Care in the community at its best.

  45. 122
    Jimmy says:

    Well the government did get 57.5% of the vote. Credit where credit’s due. They do seem quite inexplicably popular down there.

    • 127
      Paniagua Dos says:

      Morning Jimmy a bit late this morning?
      Been in a disaster recovery meeting?

      • 137
        Jimmy says:

        Tell me about it. We expected to finish behind the Lemons, but being beaten by the tories as well was a blow.

  46. 123
    Paniagua Dos says:

    Well Grove went right down in my estimation this morning on Radio 4.

    He gave Cameron so many compliments I thought he was talking about Mother Teresa.

    • 131
      Gove, man's best friend. says:

      like my dog, Gove is careful not to bite the hand that feeds him. It alsao sounds that like my dog he rolls over on his back for his belly to be tickled.

  47. 128
    The Piss Soaked Tramp Formally Known As TAT! says:

    People laughed at me when I declared David Cameron a one term prime minister.

    They aren’t laughing now.

    • 148
      Bob Monkhouse says:

      people laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now

  48. 141
    Anonymous says:

    Right, lets get back to randy rennard and the questions around the honesty of Nick ‘student fee, member recall, in/out referendum, know nothing’ Clegg.

  49. 147
    Won't Get Fooled Again says:

    Would the last Tory MP to leave the House of Commons in 2015 leave the lights on for their UKIP replacements…

  50. 151
    Jack the Ripper says:

    So it’s good that the Coalition retained the seat? Then it’s not good that a Coalition minister’s disgrace caused the byelection in the first place. You can’t have one without t’other.

  51. 153
    David Camerons A Facking Feminist says:

    The Dave is dead – long live the Dave(Davis) !

  52. 165
    Man from the Midlands says:

    I’m sure Sarah Newton will be talking up the prospects of the Lib Dems to the voters if Truro and Falmouth in 2015. She’s got no need to worry about her ultra safe 435 majority.

  53. 166
    Andrew says:

    Campbell would have regarded this piece of spin as too audacious to succeed. It is worthy of Lloyd George.

Seen Elsewhere

Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Labour’s Left and Right are Growing Restive | Staggers
Corrupt, Incompetent UN Has No Right to Lecture Us | Dan Hannan
Mirror’s Lazy Lie | Guardian
Hungary’s Heir to Thatcher | Conservative Woman
Farage and Salmond Both Want Outopia | David Aaronovitch
More Missing UKIP Money | Times
Church Should Fight Evil of Welfare Dependency | Stephen Glover
1 in 16 Pick Up Infections in Filthy NHS Hospitals | Mail
Let’s Get Evangelical | David Cameron

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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