February 28th, 2013

Good Morning, It’s Polling Day


221 Comments

  1. 1
    The Treacherous Tosser in No 10, - Talentless, Thick as a Plank, says:

    George really shouldn’t be bothered about losing his AAA – I’ve got a PPP – and look where it got me!

  2. 2
    ████ 'changed my tune' Hoon says:

    I have n’t decided who to vote for yet. The Monster Raving Loony Party or Ukip.

    Hold on, aren’t they one and the same ??

  3. 3
    Man in the street says:

    Who is OUR Beppe Grillo?

    Voters of Eastleigh…this is your chance to take down the whole rotten EU project!

  4. 4
    where the blind lead says:

    UKIP win with a slim majority, recount ordered and investigation into the postal vote. That is my prediction FWIW.

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Clegg’s PR has been abysmal over the last few days , has Call Me Dave been advising him ?

  6. 6
    Westminster Gossip says:

    Never done a days work…

    The modern politician comes straight from school to Parliament without stopping off to get some experience of life through the world of work.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Could it possibly be that ‘changed my tune’ at 7:37 am was posted from CCHQ? They have a special department there for manufacturing insults; in fact, it is the only active part of their policy department.

  8. 8
    7th May 2015 is Freedom Day says:

    Stay at home.

    Stay at home.

    Minus 10 percent turnout equals no credibility

  9. 9
    Calamity Clegg says:

    Investigation into the postal votes ?? GULP….

  10. 10

    Good luck to all.

    Hopefully the result will cause our political betters to pause for thought as to the errors of recent times, and to work towards healing as opposed to fracturing this nation. Though I am not holding my breath. I am however available to any political party who wants to consider things from a ground level perspective and who wishes to tap into things like the law of uninented consequences. We need to return economic and social stability to this nation and it can be done. The fear must stop and inspiration must lead.

    If I was there I would most likely vote for the Beer, Backy and Crumptet party, for while I dont smoke, crumpet does sound worthy of voting for :)

  11. 11
    London Gossip says:

    True but, they somehow have learned to lie, cheat and rob as much as any inmate in prison. Now you come to think about it inmates have never worked either!

  12. 12
    ████ 'changed my tune' Hoon says:

    HAHA ! WRONG !!! Are you Nick Clegg ???

  13. 13
    Mr Huhne says:

    So that’s it then? I really am a nobody now.

    Carina must really love me, to stay with me.

  14. 14
    albacore says:

    Unlike the LibLabCon brotherhood
    We’ve had them before and ain’t they good?
    Just what we need, another dollop
    Of E U-worshipping codswallop

  15. 15
    where the blind lead says:

    Its why Clegg felt able to proclaim a “great victory” in Eastleigh BEFORE the actual vote, he knows full well his gang have been very busy with the postal vote fraud.

  16. 16
    Truth says:

    Man In The Street, Spot on ! this is the ideal opportunity to tell the rotten corrupt three main Parties what you think, vote UKIP, The Nation is relying on you.

  17. 17
    Coluche says:

    Does Beppe Grillo ride a motor bike by any chance ?

  18. 18
    Truth says:

    People of Eastleigh, do the Country a favour and vote UKIP.

  19. 19
    Lard Everard says:

    They’ve got my vote !

  20. 20
    The Ghost of Guido's Past says:

    Farage didn’t exactly count himself as a possible candidate months ago…as reported on the this site…

    http://order-order.com/2012/07/18/farage-confirms-guido-eastleigh-rumours/

    “I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen with Chris Huhne’s case but if Chris is found not to have told the truth then it is clear that his position as MP for this town will be untenable. So we face the prospect perhaps of an Eastleigh by-election – it could happen in October or November this year, perhaps spring next year but be assured if and when there is an election we will give it everything we have got.“

    http://www.neurope.eu/article/farage-pondering-standing-uk-parliament

    “Farage contested the seat in 1994, where he lost to the Liberal candidate by over 23,000 votes. He did manage to beat the Monster Raving Loony Party’s legendary leader, ‘Screaming Lord Sutch’ by 169 votes.”

    From Zero to Hero?

  21. 21
    7th May 2015 says:

    The people in power are not “our political betters “.

    they are simply the people in power.

  22. 22
    7th May 2015 says:

    People of Eastleigh stay at home.

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Vote Monster Raving Looney.
    UKIP = war for Iarsel

  24. 24
    Where's Wally says:

    Where’s Nick?

  25. 25
    Number 6 says:

    Time to show the lib/lab/con trick the two fingered British salute – vote UKIP.

  26. 26
    Eastleigh Resident says:

    Is there a by-election somewhere today?

    Yaawwwnnnn!

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  27. 27
    Paddy Ashdown says:

    Oh I’m not so sure about that…I was caught on the job with my pants down!

  28. 28
    SP4BS says:

    without a helmet?

  29. 29
    Gonk says:

    Gambling is sinful.

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    don’t know but randy rennarde will, given half a chance.

  31. 31
    One Term Dave says:

    Whatever the result in Eastleigh voters can be assured that I will continue to talk really really tough on immigration and cutting the welfare state. I will also pursue the policies which really matter to people like gay marriage.

  32. 32
    SP4BS says:

    “Elvis Loves Pets Party”.

    They’ve never been done for troughing.

  33. 33
    Beppo says:

    Best wishes to UKIP.

  34. 34
    Hang The B@stards says:

    Good luck UKIP

    Lets see if the voters of Eastleigh can wake from the years of zombie state and kick out the LibLabCon.

    Eastleigh you can make today historic

    Vote UKIP

  35. 35
    Limpdick says:

    If Dave can’t win Eastleigh after all the bad publicity we’ve had this week, he really must be as useless as we all think he is.

  36. 36
    Bert says:

    He must be talking about punters who bet on elections. There can be no other explanation, unless he’s barmy.

  37. 37
    FrankFisher says:

    Can anyone explain to me why anyone would vote LibDem?

  38. 38
    Bert says:

    A 0% turnout would be tremendous!

  39. 39
    Braindead in Eastleigh says:

    Libdems forever!

  40. 40
    where the blind lead says:

    A vote for the monster raving liblabcon loony party for the dissolution of the UK and direct rule by the insane nutters in Brussels. Vote for the liblabcon if you hate Great Britain and want to see it abolished. Vote UKIP if you actually want to have a country to call your own.

  41. 41
  42. 42
    7th May 2015 says:

    Can I spread bet on the likely turnout or is that illegal ?

  43. 43
    labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

    Biased bbc doing their bit for the left on the ‘news’ this morning saying how the EUSSR has reached an agreement to bash the bankers (so no need to vote for UKIP would be the message there). They also add that the Tories are against it (so a double whammy message = bad Tories) only thing is five minuets into the piece we learn that they are ‘close to an agreement’ on bashing the bankers.
    So in fact it’s a piece of non-news. Or to put it another way it’s electioneering spin by the socialist bbc in favour of the left.

  44. 44
    Bert says:

    It’s very simple. LibDem voters are morons.

  45. 45
    Corrupt,lying,randy benefit-chasing tosser says:

    Libdems are the party for me!

  46. 46
    Jock McJock says:

    If I vote for UKIP can I have my country back?

  47. 47
    Prick Knobinson Ace Reporter says:

    Truth is moveable feast.

  48. 48
    A period of austerity says:

    And so is adultery.

  49. 49
    David Cameron says:

    We’ve dismantled the Welfare State.
    We’ve dismantled the NHS

    Mission Accomplished.

    Labour – you’re welcome to it now.

  50. 50
    Pull T'other Mason says:

    It’s all kicking off down in Eastleigh!

  51. 51
    A period of austerity says:

    You must be having a laugh pal .

    Take the trouble to look up old Farage’s expense claims.

  52. 52
    A Bank Prop Desk Trader says:

    That may be, but it’s very profitable…especially when using other peoples money to gamble with!

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    to avoid voting lab/con ?

  54. 54
    A doctor says:

    Looks like someone has dismantled your brain.

    Or maybe you never had one.

  55. 55
    7th May 2015 says:

    So the English Defence League have arrived then .

  56. 56
    Wing Commander Farage DSO and crash says:

    Chocks away chaps! Bandits at angels 20.

  57. 57
    Frank Fucker says:

    “Can anyone explain to me why anyone would vote LibDem?”

    They can’t handle the truth?

  58. 58
    One Term Dave says:

    I could have sorted out the postal voting con like I could have sorted out the BBC. But I never did.

  59. 59
    Owen's mummy says:

    and, Owen, so is masturbation.

  60. 60
    labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

    Look up the accounts of the EUSSR.

    If you can.

  61. 61
    Phil from Pentonville says:

    I’ll second that cellmate !

  62. 62
    Paid EU Troll says:

    No, so fuck off!

  63. 63
    Sir William Wade says:

    It looks like another winnable election to be lost by the modern, Nottinghillian Conservative Party. The party’s strength used to be its solidly established local party membership, with their Conservative Clubs, their Volvos and their grasp of local issues. Young couples would meet at the Young Conservatives, marry and go on supporting the party for the rest of their lives.

    All that has been swept away by the control freaks, PR monkeys and carpetbaggers at Tory HQ. Dave and his chums do everything possible to alienate local party members and we can see the outcome in the weakness of local candidates and local campaigning.

  64. 64
    A period of austerity says:

    That is where i found his expenses .

  65. 65
    Damian McBride ate my crocodile says:

    If only he had a friend who has some PR experience. What am I syaing – Nick Clegg could have a friend!!!!

    He could always ask Dave’s advice.

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    what they are trying to agree is limiting bonus to one year’s salary; institutions will simply raise salaries …

  67. 67
    labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

    These sir, are the facts.

  68. 68
    OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT says:

    Surely it is in PPE (Oxon) — Political Pricks Education — a first class qualification for a useless PC Cnut

    Never mind, with a bit of luck you will be using elementary maths tomorrow to establish that Con 12000 is less than UKIP 13000 and less again than Libdum 14000

  69. 69
    Sir William Wade says:

    Obviously the NHS in its present form needs to be replaced by something better. It is stuck in the 1940s.

  70. 70
    A period of austerity says:

    Have we sold the advertising hoardings yet ?

  71. 71
    Man at the back in the awful jumper - yes you sir says:

    I haven’t got time to reply today, I’m too busy filling in postal votes.

  72. 72
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Geedo he’s an article for you http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/feb/27/eastleigh-byelection-flop-david-cameron , poor old Cams. Well after all the abuse and attacks on this site alone if Cams does not come at least 2nd I would agree with DD.

  73. 73
    JH20348923458734 says:

    Remember, you are only allowed to be a comedian in this country if you are simperingly left-wing.

    So there is little chance of anyone coming out to attack any of the current bunch.

  74. 74
    labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

    And were they more than all the others put together?

    If not, then I’d pay him his to get rid of paying them theirs.

  75. 75
    Just think of the bonus when I reel this one in says:

    Gideon Osborne
    Chancellor of the Exchequer
    11 Downing Street
    London
    SW1A 2PM

    Dear Mr Osborne

    I have done some research and I have noticed that while you are borrowing trifling sums you don’t seem to have any Payment Protection Insurance. We have a PPI policy which gives significant discounts to borrowers of more than £1 trillion.

    I am sure that I do not have to detail the benefits of PPI to such a skilled and insightful financial thinker as you.

    Yours sincerely

    Stephen Hester

  76. 76
    Lost in Clacton says:

    How is Samantha Cameron these days?

    Is she keeping well ?

    Does she like her new kitchen ?

  77. 77
    Female comedians says:

    Lots of cakes

  78. 78
    Owen's Boyfriend says:

    It’s only sinful if you do it yourself.

  79. 79
    Prezza says:

    Rennard is giving fat letching lefty politicians a bad name.

  80. 80
    of the common people says:

    Because they might have a job in a constituency office or like having their knees touched up at weekend pish-ups?

  81. 81
    loopy Lou says:

    That is more than can be said for you .

  82. 82
    Bert says:

    Rennard apparently had a good grasp of local “issues”, and look where that’s got him.

    Ditto Handycock.

  83. 83
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    If Dave Boy goes, who will lead the Cons, might be an even dirtier fight than anything seen in the Liebore camp. A fractious and infighting party will not win an election so someone will have to make their move PDQ, they have only 2 years to the next GE, the Cons cannot have a series of leaders like they did after 1997.

  84. 84
    PM Miliband and deputy PM Hughes says:

    Vote for Nigel Double-Garage!

  85. 85
    Mr C. Ponzi says:

    In a word, no.

    Perhaps the Lib Dems have promised to abolish tuition fees again.

    People can be extraordinarily gullible. Ask David Cameron.

  86. 86
    Residing in 96.99% white Merseyside says:

    I’m not kicking myself Mr Farage didn’t stand. Much better he blows it all out of his *ass in the EU Parliament than Westminster.

    The HOC has enough lunatics and comedians already.

  87. 87
    SP4BS says:

    One is allowed to be a comedian if one believes in low taxation.

  88. 88
    Dynamic leadership failure but a "Double First" for b*llsh*t says:

    You ARE talking about the man who failed to beat the worse and most unpopular PM who had just insulted his core vote and called them all “bigots” don’t forget…..THAT takes significant “uselessness”

  89. 89
    Hester says:

    P.S. Thanks for the bonus — you stupid fuckers — Ha Ha Ha

  90. 90
    Pointless says:

    Imagine walking out of the polling station after voting for any of the LibLabCon candidates. Lower than a snake’s balls.

  91. 91
    a period of austerity says:

    sadly my calculator crashed before i finished doing the sums.

  92. 92
    Ben Elton (possibly said something funny, once, in 1984) says:

    Ooh, Thatcher! Bit of politics, there! Bit of politics! Wanna buy my latest crappy book? Discounted to 50p? Ooh, Thatcher! Bit of politics!

  93. 93
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Careful, libel, publishing on this blog is open to the public so it is the same as broadcasting, the owner of he blog could be sued as well

  94. 94
    anon. says:

    Red Ed tweets.

  95. 95
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Your a bit late there aren’t you old cock

  96. 96
    MANUEL CLEGG says:

    RBS has lost 5.1 billion in the last year but will still payout 670 million in bonuses
    this loss is much worse than the 3 billion the city pridicted , bringing the total loss to the tax payers since government bail out to 35 billion

    and Camoron still insists that they need to pay bonuses to keep the “best” people

    “Us rich are all in this together”

  97. 97
    P l e b says:

    “MPs to get ‘holiday’ from paying more into their gold-plated pensions leaving the taxpayer to pick up £2million bill
    Expenses watchdog stuns the Treasury with decision to suspend planned rise in contributions made by MPs
    Decision leaves Chancellor George Osborne to find the extra money from the public coffers
    Critics slam the ‘preferential treatment’ being given to politicians”

  98. 98
    Where are Tony Blair's expenses says:

    So Guido thinks the LibDems might just nick it.

    The only conclusion from this is that the good people of Eastleigh are as thick and in bred as those of Rotherham

    Huhne is a congentital liar regarding his love life and driving points. Clegg the great libertarian and defender of women’s rights is quite happy to ignore young women being molested by a pervert for political gain

    People of Eastleigh you will be a national laughing stock

  99. 99
    Residing in 98% Eastleigh says:

    Farage has stood here for election before and only polled 169 more votes that the Monster Loon party.

    He knew all along it would be a Lib Dem victory despite any scandals etc.

    I think he’s keeping his powder dry for the meantime.

  100. 100
    Tory Party RIP - killed by Camoron says:

    He could have sorted out the deficit, too, but he couldn’t be arsed about that, either.

    £11billion in foreign aid, every year – down the toilet.
    £19billion in EU membership fees every year – down the toilet.
    Untold billions on euro bailouts – down the toilet.
    £33billion on HS2 – down the toilet.

    Still, there might be a proper Conservative PM along in, say, 20 years? 25? By which point Britain will be New Somalia, of course.

  101. 101
    Speeding up diversity says:

    Our euthanasia centres are the envy of the world.

  102. 102
    John (I'm an immigrant so you have to have more immigrants) O'Farrell says:

    Thank god I won’t have to see that place again.

  103. 103
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Well if Cleggie survives the mauling by the press attack dogs, someone will have to do a bit of thinking, whether some went over the top on the attack, strange this should just blow up before this by-election when it was known about for years, supposedly

  104. 104
    Pro Iarsel War says:

    I’m all in favour of war for Iaersel, so I’m voting voor UPIK.

  105. 105
    Hang The B@stards says:

    Stupid tweet Ed. Whats the point of standing up to two other loosing parties.

    You lot can go bum each other around the bikesheds.

    UKIP will govern.

  106. 106
    Cerberus says:

    Anyone voting for the LibLabCon in Eastleigh today will deserve all they get.

    more EU
    more mass immigration
    more debt
    more lies
    more spin
    more corruption
    more of the same

  107. 107
    Fred The Shred (knighted by Labour, de-nighted by Dave) says:

    Can I have my Knightood back, please?

  108. 108
    rubberchicken says:

    Remember in Rotherham? The Labour Council snatch a couple’s kids for voting UKIP and the Labour MP Dennis McShane is kicked out for corruption. Instead of choosing a local person the Labour party parachute in an outsider from their westminster list. What happens? Labour romp home.

    Now we have a similar situation in Eastleigh. The LibDem MP is kicked out for perverting the course of justice. There is a sex scandal that runs right to the top. What will happen? The LibDems will romp home of course.

    While the electorate refuse to punish parties even for corruption and law breaking what chance is there that they will punish them for incompetence and being out of touch?

    I’m afraid we get the government we deserve folks and at the moment, collectively, we deserve a good kicking.

  109. 109
    Ed Balls says:

    …by borrowing more and leaving the bill for your kids to pick up.

  110. 110
    Person from Porlock says:

    Not always do I find myself in agreement with you but I think you are right here.

    If UKIP do win better that Farage prepares the ground for more wins than becomes trapped trying to catch the Speaker’s eye in the HoC where he would become effectively neutered for 99.9% of the time.

    There are no good blueprints for the introduction of a new party into our unwieldy system unless you go back to the days of Keir Hardie and things have changed a bit since then.

  111. 111
    Residing in 96.99% white Merseyside says:

    All this fuss about Lord Rennard. I doubt if 99.99% of the population had ever heard of him and 99% now don’t give a damn what he’s been up to.

    The voters in Eastleigh don’t seem interested – neither am I.

  112. 112

    Given my wife is severly mentally strained by the changes to her benefits (she is disabled and chronicly ill) and given her past suicidal tendancies which do worry me, I am absolutely appauled at this. I am watching this government policies make my wife iller and give up on life while they lord it. Disgraceful.

    Absolutely disgraceful.

  113. 113
    Fred Blogs says:

    I’m staying at home – I posted my postal vote to myself.

  114. 114
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Was Dave any good as a PR man

  115. 115
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Who believes a politico anyway?

  116. 116
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Will they finally take the chance to give the liblabcon a bloody nose on behalf of the country, I certainly hope so.

  117. 117

    Assuming of course the report is true.

  118. 118
    sammy says:

    It is terminally depressing rubberchicken I could understand if the people of Eastleigh cast their vote for UKIP or even the Elvis bloke, but the Lib Dems FFS? Which planet are they fecking living on? There is no hope for the UK with democracy entrusted to people who clearly do not have the intelligence to handle the responsibility.

  119. 119
    Statement of Fact says:

    Under PC Dave, they are not even conservatives, let alone CONSERVATIVES, they are merely Conners and virtually the same as the Libdums. There is no prospect whatsoever of them getting a Parliamentary majority with him and his incompetent mates in place.

    Dave is an complete tosser.

  120. 120
    Residing in 96.99% white Merseyside says:

    And hopefully solidify my solid as the Rock of Gibraltar solid benefits and solid pensions.

  121. 121
    Anarchists In Blazers says:

    UKIP have been vocally against ALL the wars fought by the LibLabCon.

  122. 122
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    If the lib-dems win, it will show the true values of the people of Eastleigh.

  123. 123
    Fred Blogs says:

    The two-fingered British salute was abolished last year by EU directive 9798346721/9. Only the continental one-finger salute is allowed now.

  124. 124
    Person from Porlock says:

    Rotherham, which I know of old, is populated by types who are nearer to Old World anthropoids than they are to modern man. Eastleigh represents an approximate halfway house in the hominid evolution chain.

  125. 125
    Eastleigh says:

    And thank God we won’t see you again or the two idiots Miliband and Balls.

  126. 126
    Logical Unemployed Skiver says:

    More bennies though

  127. 127
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    OH YES!!!

  128. 128
    Penis MacShame says:

    Leave my office out of this!

    I will be supporting my new partner Vicky Pryce in court again today btw.

  129. 129
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    With bonuses subject to clawback

  130. 130
    Public Sector Parasites says:

    Don’t forget the gold plated inflation proofed pensions for our sinecures

  131. 131
    Guidopedia says:

    The list of the main candidates today:

    MARIA HUTCHINGS – Conservative
    DIANE JAMES – UKIP
    JOHN O’FARRELL – Labour
    MIKE THORNTON – Liberal Democrats
    MICHAEL WALTERS – The English Democrats

    2010 Results:

    Conservative: 21102 (39.33%)
    Labour: 5153 (9.6%)
    Liberal Democrat: 24966 (46.53%)
    UKIP: 1933 (3.6%)
    English Democrat: 249 (0.46%)
    Independent: 154 (0.29%)
    Others: 93 (0.17%)
    Majority: 3864 (7.2%)

  132. 132
    P l e b says:

    It is called democracy.

  133. 133
    Adolphus Hilter II says:

    If the LibDums win, Joe and Josephine Public will deserve the economic collapse that is coming. Never mind, we will deal with the aftermath our way.

  134. 134
    BBC says:

    Vote Labour!

  135. 135
    P l e b says:

    “Up to 84% on low incomes will not pay council tax, local authorities believe

    Benefit changes mean poor people face average £247-a-year council tax bill from April – but many are not expected to pay”

    Another cracking idea from Cameron & Co.

  136. 136
    Blind Pew says:

    It’s also bad for your eyesight.

  137. 137
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    I do find it a bit strange the Rennard affair has suddenly blown up at the run up to the Eastliegh by-elction, when apparently it has been know abot for 4 or more years, is it just a coincidence or the only way the attack dogs can get at Cleggie

  138. 138
    Tony Blair, Millionaire says:

    Hey guys!

    What election?

    Why wasn’t I told?

    Where is the white smoke?

    Benedict resigned so that I shall be pontiff…….

    hello….hello…..

  139. 139
    Tarquin says:

    Owen. With this tight little ring, thee I wed.

  140. 140
    Ah! Monika says:

    Nick Clegg has been accused of ignoring alleged sex abuse victims of the late Liberal Democrat MP Cyril Smith by failing to respond to formal requests for help.

    The deputy prime minister has been sent two letters by a solicitor’s firm that represents four men who say they were attacked in the 1960s and 70s by the MP for Rochdale, who died in 2010.

  141. 141
    Synic says:

    She’s banging her head against the wall, wondering why she ever got involved with Plonker Dave

  142. 142
    Fred Blogs says:

    Then why aren’t they called DimLebs?

  143. 143
    Gonk says:

    Managed Democracy = Dictatorship

  144. 144
    Officer Crabtree says:

    I have voted already. Normally a Tory but have voted UKIP this time. I’m impressed with their candidate and their manifesto (of sorts) is more in time with a natural conservative voter.

    Can see a LibDem hold but fingers crossed.

    My straw poll of election boards in people’s front gardens points to a surprise 3rd place for Fox and Sons estate agents.

  145. 145
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    If Farrage had stood and lost he would be sunk but if by some quirk UKip win he will claim the glory

  146. 146

    Indeed, it’s the LibLabCon that are the warmongers, in particular the Labs.

  147. 147
    Wing Commander Farage DSO and crash says:

    Tally ho chaps. Tory candidate at 11 o’clock.

  148. 148
    Curly says:

    i think you’ll find he declined to take the 2012 bonus – and announced that fact some time in the middle of last year. You should change your reading material away from the Beano.

  149. 149
    Fred Blogs says:

    At least we’ve still got toilets.

  150. 150
    Curly says:

    It is rumoured that a soon to be jailbird may be pulling strings behind the scenes. Just rumours though…

  151. 151
    Allegra Strapon says:

    As usual the BBC will be giving licence-fee payers its balanced and unbiased commentary on the Eastleigh byelection.

  152. 152
    Smug arrogant hypocrite fucking twat says:

    If I talk to you with my eyelids closed, you will cower before my towering know it all intellect

  153. 153
    Mike Handycock Teen Fondler says:

    You shouls note that I still have paid employment as the member for Portsmouth South and time to undertake my hobbies of young ladies and Russian studies. If you think that I am going to go quietly like Rennard you don’t fully understand the power of the Brotherhood. Boaz

  154. 154
    labourunionsbbc are one under the EU says:

    He will also stand up for the people of Argen tina (agianst those vile islanders).

  155. 155
    Curly says:

    Is that why we never hear from Abdullah Gallopaway?

  156. 156
    RetardEd says:

    I would also like to add that John shares my belief that one day soon Trekkies will rule the earth.

  157. 157
    Anne D Burnbum says:

    Lets hope he doesnt ask for a police enquiry into the 1200 deaths at Mid Staffs on his partys watch.xxx

  158. 158
    Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

    Little Willy Hague came from the Rotherham area and he went to Oxford University. Don’t forget Neaderthals had larger brains than than todays Homo Sapien Sapiens

  159. 159
    Matilda says:

    Why should taxpayers pick up the tab? Surely, if true, this just means there will be less in the pot to pay out in due course? Or am I missing something?

  160. 160
    a period of austerity says:

    So who exactly is going to pay then ?

  161. 161
    Carina Carina says:

    Chris! Where’s my strap-on?

  162. 162
    C Knellswear says:

    Peter Oborne says :
    ‘Mr Clegg has been an admirable Deputy Prime Minister. …….
    Over the past week, Mr Clegg has suffered a loss of authority …..
    For some reason, Mr Clegg has been unable to cope.’

    
    

    Thanks for making that clear, Mr Oborne.

  163. 163
    Matilda says:

    He went to Oxford University, leaned how to down sixteen pints a night, engendered scurrilous stories about his love life – and has been a pain to everyone else in the country ever since.

  164. 164
    Perves Я Us says:

    Vote LibDem.

  165. 165
    Matilda says:

    Well a 50% reduction in the bloated and undeserved salaries of the top 15 people in each town hall would go a long way towards it!

  166. 166
    Anonymous says:

    If O’Farrell wins will he take the oath and Westminster seat? Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness didn’t.

  167. 167
    Matilda says:

    Why did they wait 50 years before coming forward or going to the police then? Cleggy wasn’t the Leader at that time.

  168. 168
    Person from Porlock says:

    Two things:

    There is a huge difference between Rotherham and its hinterland where intelligent life may be found.

    The other is it does not matter how much you have, it is the way that you use it which matters. That applies to many different aspects of the human anatomy.

  169. 169
    Person from Porlock says:

    He is good for entertainment value and whilst his rhetoric is worth studying for form, it is of less value by far for content.

  170. 170
  171. 171
    Anonymous says:

    Thought her name was Gareth

  172. 172
    Lord Rennard says:

    Your face say no, but my rancid old todger says yes.

  173. 173
    Anonymous says:

    A little over 9,000 postal votes out of an electorate of around 80,000 but only 2/3 have so far been cast. Will a separate analysis of the postal votes be available after the result is announced?

    In some of the Labour fiefdoms (e.g. inner London) over a third of the votes at the last election were postal resulting, for example, in some surprise swings in Lambeth. Bring back one person one vite and the secret ballot.

  174. 174
    Raving Loon says:

    By printing more money and stoking inflation and thus raising prices.

  175. 175
    Hester -- not your average wanker banker says:

    Quite right. Thank you for pointing this out. However, I got £6.5 million bonus and pension payment in 2010. So that will tide me over for a couple of years.

  176. 176
    Viv says:

    Locxal issues – those would be the nearest pair of female knees, then…

  177. 177
    Ed Miliwonk says:

    Betht of luck UKIP!

  178. 178
    Libdem says:

    vote UKIP.

  179. 179
    Rip van Wrinkle says:

    But don’t forget, in those very same Labour ‘fiefdoms’, the voters are the type who will be starting work at 6 in the morning and returning home around midnight. These people are the backbone of the public sector after all.

    Therefore I am surprised they don’t get at least two votes each. They do deserve it.

  180. 180
    I Infamously Trolled The Economist Magazine says:

    It is only illegal if they catch you.

  181. 181
    Rip van Wrinkle says:

    Give it time.

  182. 182
    Anonymous says:

    It needs to go back to the 1940s, I don’t think they had thousands of useless admin workers and civil spongers doing non jobs in those days.

    half the public non workers need to go and the rest told sorry the pension pot is empty so hard luck but nobody in this dump of a country has the courage to do it.

  183. 183
    Rip van Wrinkle says:

    Isn’t that called ‘politics’?

  184. 184
    David Common-Purpose Cameron says:

    I have every confidence that the LibDems will get to the bottom of these very important allegations.

  185. 185
    Rip van Wrinkle says:

    Exactly. Do these people think the British public are morons?? Oh, hang on……

  186. 186
    Nicko Cleggo says:

    dont worry you will get a politicians reward, a cushy non job where you can lie to your black hearts content.

  187. 187
    Residing in 96.99% white Merseyside says:

    Eastleigh is 98% what?

    Or will all be revealed when we get the results?

  188. 188
    Nick Clegg says:

    pillock

  189. 189
    Psephologist says:

    Never forget that “the dead vote Liberal Democrat” too.

  190. 190
    Nick Clegg says:

    Its no good asking Eastleigh voters to support UKIP on this site, most of them have only just learned to tie up their sandals with vecro fasteners never mind use the the internet. Its a lost cause. Any electorate who votes in 100% LimpDicks in the 36 seats in Eastleigh must be learning disabled (apologies to).

    Anyway the the LimpDicks have it.

  191. 191
    InVince abCable says:

    Wouldnt expect anything less from an unbiased taxpayer funded set of lefties pinko scum.

  192. 192
    Ed Balls says:

    Thank you for your advice.

  193. 193
    DC says:

    You are you pillock.

  194. 194
    BBC newsreader Huw Edwards says:

    You’re mistaken,the by-election is on Friday.

  195. 195
    Political Guru says:

    I’m not convinced we’d be worse off if they did.

  196. 196
    Gorgon and Dave says:

    £35 bn. Mere peanuts. Only 3 months Deficit

  197. 197
    Con Artists says:

    Yeah… Lets vote for more lying cheating traitors in the socialist one party LibLabCon

    LibLabCon = more EU = more ECHR = more uncontrolled immigration = No thank you.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2285385/Three-men-abducted-troubled-13-year-old-forced-sex-slave-plying-drugs.html

  198. 198
    hahaha says:

    Can they share a cell?

  199. 199
    Old England says:

    If our pm had promised an EU referendum before the next GE,and,
    not re-branded the definition of “Marriage” in a non consultative way,he
    could win at GE…However,he’s lost me for the forseeable…

  200. 200
    hahaha says:

    98% dumb libs.

  201. 201
    Con Artists says:

    If the NHS wasn’t paying and looking after half the worlds ill people it might do a better job.

  202. 202
    Rinka says:

    Clegg couldn’t lead a dog.

  203. 203
    Casual Observer says:

    Labour’s Rotherham victory was arguably on the back of massive postal vote fraud. That election is a special case.

  204. 204
    hahaha says:

    The whole point of politics is the enrichment of the powerful at the expense of the weak.

  205. 205
    Fondling says:

    So I have this thing for gazpacho, OK ?

  206. 206
    hahaha says:

    They’re all becoming special in a similar way now. Honesty is leaving the country. The rulers are just a somewhat viler version of the ruled.

  207. 207
    hahaha says:

    Democracy is kleptocracy with better public relations.

  208. 208
    hahaha says:

    It doesn’t matter who you vote for, the lefty ruling class ensures that it always wins.

  209. 209
    hahaha says:

    The Lib Dems are quite capable of scratching and stabbing each others backs. They don’t need Dim Dave stumbling and fumbling around them. They could teach him how its done.

  210. 210
    hahaha says:

    They’re welcome to it.

  211. 211
    you need to do much better than call me a little Englander says:

    I shouldn’t worry, as with the General Election the vote will be fixed by the intelligence services to ensure the EU control

  212. 212

    Thye whole point of government is to govern well, ensuring balance and harmony in society.

  213. 213
    lojolondon says:

    If David Davis leads the Tories then the Tories will win the next election – if it happens soon enough!

  214. 214
    More Bollox from Wapping says:

    More pollster nonsense, paid for by the shameful London media. The convenient “UKIP SURPRISE ON CARDS!” bollox that turns up just before polling day in the hope that can’t be bothered voting types, or waivering Conservative voters might think it worth a go.
    Pure nonsense concocted in Wapping to embarrass the Conservatives as much as possible. All the London media are closet Liebour supporters.
    UKIP is a red herring to keep more Labour and Liberal MPs in parliament.

  215. 215
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    You’re = contraction of you are NOT your. Ejacashun, Ejacashun, Ejacashun !

  216. 216
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    This is not EU!! Is decadent Amerikanski insult to Soviet proctologist of Marxist-Leninist orthodoxy.

  217. 217
    Mrs Havisham says:

    I think it is not a coincidence.

  218. 218
    dogsled says:

    Hello. My name’s Jeremy Hardy.

    Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy,
    Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy,Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy, Tory rich boy.

    Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher,

    The NHS is wonderful & the Tories want to destroy it just like they did to the miners. The NHS is wonderful & the Tories want to destroy it just like they did to the miners. The NHS is wonderful & the Tories want to destroy it just like they did to the miners. The NHS is wonderful & the Tories want to destroy it just like they did to the miners.

    I’m so glad the Tories when the election because now I don’t need to write any new material and I can use all the old crap I had back in the 80’s despite the fact I now live in Hampstead and my house is probably worth more than most middle class housing estates.

    But I’m not a hypocrite, no, no I’m not one of those.

  219. 219
    dogsled says:

    What time should we get the result? This could be worth staying up for.

  220. 220
    Cromwells Ghost says:

    had enough its time for change with the club at Westminister

  221. 221
    left wing, right wing, it's all the same bird. says:

    10000000000000000000000000000 (sod it, a googleplex)


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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