February 28th, 2013

Going Down: Parliament’s Lift Porters Get the Chop

The end of an era. Public sector efficiency savings are taking their toll in the corridors of power; the latest victims are four parliamentary lift porters. Guido hears the charming quartet were given the axe this week after pushing the buttons of bosses. Two have retired and two have been given other jobs in the Palace.

Working in Westminster has its ups and downs…


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    The bars and restaurants next?

  2. 2
    Quiet Bat Person says:

    …and some people might say that a Bank doesn’t need a pantomime horse at all.

  3. 3
    Lard Everard says:

    Can I press your buttons, luv ?

  4. 4
    The People's Drone says:

    Sounds like these 4 where the only ones with an honest job in the place, surprised they lasted this long!

  5. 5
    Sir William Wade says:

    Goodness gracious, next thing you know it’ll be the Parliamentary Lavatory Attendants going, and MPs will have to wipe their own bums!

  6. 6
    Sinking ship says:

    They’ll be paying full price for beer next.

  7. 7
    Person from Porlock says:

    Working in Westminster has its ups and downs…

    Wonking in Westminster has its ups and downs…

  8. 8
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    Who are the geezers with the curly wigs who sit in front of the Speaker? They don’t seem to be important. How much do they earn? Plenty more than a poor porter, I bet.

  9. 9
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    Died a natural death, didn’t it?
    And Guido seems to have gone soft on it.
    Could it be the subsidised restaurants at News International?

  10. 10
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    DPM Clegg has 15 Special Advisers. Prescott had two. Time for some culling there methinks.
    How many other jobs are there where you get to employ people to be YOUR advisers? If you can’t think for yourself then bugger off.

  11. 11
    Cwispy pants Bwyant says:

    Don’t worry ! Help is at hand :)

  12. 12
    Person from Porlock says:

    Working for Baron Wavertree has its ups and downs…

  13. 13
    Lard Everard says:

    Bonking in Westminster has its ups and downs.

  14. 14
    The Right Honourable George Osborne Mp says:

    I think we’ve got a very clear message, a loud and clear message that Britain cannot let up in dealing with its debts, dealing with its problems, cannot let up in making sure that Britain can pay its way in the world.

  15. 15
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    I’ve been a SpAd and a wonk and I still can’t think without reference to my Union bosses.

  16. 16
    John Mann MP for Bassetlaw says:

    Wanking in Westminster has its ups and downs…

  17. 17
    The Foreign Secretary says:

    Share nicely

  18. 18
    Person from Porlock says:

    Prescott only had one dick and he wasn’t fit.

  19. 19
    Boshy says:

    Surely not.

  20. 20
    Big Sweaty Arsebandit says:

    If you were a thick cvnt like Clegg you’d need all the advice you could get.

    In addition to all the earache from Miriam.

  21. 21
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    You need to get your Tourette’s seen to

  22. 22
    Wet Ed Miliband says:

    I drink only champagne.

  23. 23
    Derek and Clive says:

    “Working in Westminster has its ups and downs…”

    you should be on the radio with stuff like that

  24. 24
    Pundit Too says:

    I was in Mongolia when at a reception at the British Embassy I had a meeting of minds with a Queen’s Messenger – so much so that the Ambassador broke us up and ordered us to tour the room.
    He said that in 1997 Labour decided to get rid of all Queen’s Messengers’, as in their view electronic messaging would replace them.
    Within a year the Foreign Office was in deep trouble with its diplomatic communications, and Labour decided to bring back the messengers’.
    They contacted and re-employed them and DOUBLED their number as Labour stated that due to the heightened world security problem they must travel in pairs.
    You could not make it up.

  25. 25
    Big Momma says:

    Prescott had two interpreters not Spads.
    Who on earth would be a volunteer Spad to Lard John?

  26. 26
    Joe Public says:

    Like a long playing record. Please keep up and be relevent.

  27. 27
    David come-on-purpose Cameron says:

    Wanking in Westminster is the norm.

  28. 28
    Lord Lardyfingers says:

    My hands have theirs ups and downs – ups and downs your body…

  29. 29
    Voting Floater says:

    I think they’re called MPs.

  30. 30
    Lou Scannon says:

    Thought you’d skipped that bit.

  31. 31
    Albert Chuffly (National Union of Spoonbenders and Grommit Snatchers) says:

    Did I give thee permission to speak, lad?

  32. 32
    Jayne Mansfield says:

    That naughty Salvador Dalí called. Does anyone have his number ?

  33. 33
    John from Hull says:

    Have you seen my wardrobe key ?

  34. 34
    Brown out and pay me damages. He can stop laying HIS problems on my doorstep. He is responsible for himself. says:

    Stop wasting money on expensive SPADS. Think of the little guy for a change.

  35. 35
    Sir William Wade says:

    But they’re not subsidised by you and me.

  36. 36
    Sir William Wade says:

    They are out-of-work actors posing as Clerks-at-the-Table (sort of glorified minute-takers).

  37. 37
    Tosspot says:

    We have become a Third World Nation,

  38. 38
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Two retired and two have got other jobs. So no one has lost out. What is your point Guido?
    I would rather Guido attack Andy Burnham over Stafford Hospital than driv el over lift porters.

  39. 39
    Ed Millipede says:

    Who’s going to help me do my shoelaces up now???

  40. 40
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Lift porter shock horror. You read it first in the Sun Guido supplement. Yes we bring you dr i vel news.

  41. 41
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    14. Your same comment was boring yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that…………….

  42. 42
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Wankers like you Mann are the norm.

  43. 43
    We Must Be Told! says:

    Never mind that, is there an “elevator” clause in their pensions?

  44. 44
    Peerless says:

    Elevated to the peerage?

  45. 45
    John Prescott's Ringpiece says:

    Is that you Nick?

  46. 46
    Anon says:

    My dad, who was a pilot, once had one chucked off a plane for refusing to use the overhead locker for his luggage.

  47. 47
    Marconi says:

    No-one has heard of the ‘tape recorder’ in Westminster, I take it.

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    I shit you not, one of them has been replaced by a glass door.

  49. 49
    Handycock from his sickbed says:

    If I am not elevated to the Peerage, I had my eyes on one of those jobs. I am entirely capable of pushing a few buttons in a lift, but, sadly, not much more. Boaz.

  50. 50
    Andrew says:

    I don’t suppose the National Union of Monks and Ecclesiastical Operatives was any too thrilled when Caxton brought the printing press to England, Guido – you of all people should know that you cannot freeze the world in aspic.

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