Owen Paterson’s Horse Pun Swear Jar
Not only did Guido reveal that Owen Paterson has set up a swear jar for any Defra staffer brave enough to crack a horse pun in yesterday’s Sun column, but there could be more equine trouble ahead. Sources whisper that ‘bute’ may be the least of our worries; if the horse tranquilliser Ketamine – which doubles as a rave drug – has not been tested for, it won’t be a laughing matter. One to keep an eye on…
Meanwhile, the results of the House of Commons horsemeat tests are in:
“As a precautionary measure, on Monday 18 February the House of Commons Catering Service removed from its menus four beef items supplied by Brakes, as they carried out tests on their products containing beef.The items were:
- beef and onion pie
- steak and kidney pie
- steak kidney suet pudding
- and beef Italian meatballs.
Tests on all four items have been completed and all have concluded negative for equine DNA.The items are back on menus from today.”
It’s one mule for us…
I’m certain traces of Lord Rennard were found in my rice pudding.
Porridge, surely?
We’re hoping so!
most important news of the day!
Anything other than Jimmy Savile is OK with us.
I can recommend the “Death by Chocolate” with traces of Mark Oaten….. yummy!
A cheeky preposterous number. Reminiscent of half digested nuts and tomato skins.
Y you’ve got some front!
Hola Krees!
Look these allegations are ruining my name but for the record I’d never grope you.
Obviously, as a member of the House of Lords you are totally trustworthy and beyond reproach. .
Remind us, though, when did we elect you?
In or on
shake it all about
Only the best in the trough for the head table pigs.
Vote UKIP
Wasn’t a ukip MEP caught with his fingers in the till ??
Yawn.
Stick to the failed tri-party cabal of crooks then if you are happy.
I think Eastleigh is going to be seismic.
The beginning of the end of Dave.
Vote UKIP.
What have you done with dopey Sophie, you bitch?
She still owes me a Tampax.
?
Meds failing again?
Call CCHQ for more “I Love Camero” happy pills – before Friday.
Eastleigh may tip you over the edge.
Vote UKIP
O I wish was a tampon
seismic?
I suppose it might be like the biggest earthquake i felt in england, where one badly pointed chimney stack cracked a little.
Probably down to evil shale oil frakkers
Sandra in Accounts doesn’t want to listen to your stories of UKIP hypocrisy, Joss. Fingers in ears, la, la, la.
First they ignore you, then they insult you…..UKIP will damage Dave beyond repair this Friday.
Too right, Sandra. See you at the water cooler.
LOL.
I wouldn’t vote for a party that allows the crooked Hamiltons to join it.
Vote UKID get Milibandwagon & Balls Up.
They haven’t worked that out yet, ATTT.
The UKIPpers must still be recovering from their stint on Jury service at Southwark Crown Court and are still trying to work out what the judge said to them.
I blamed the education system for their inability to understand a vote for UKIP will result in more Europe, but then again realised that all of these dopey buggers were educated in the 20s and 30s.
So voting Tory wont get them either?
Nothing like a dose of balls first thing in the morning
My dreams are shattered! I always thought IKEA’s balls were from reindeer.
I always assumed they were made of sawdust.
I think we’ve got a very clear message, a loud and clear message that Britain cannot let up in dealing with its debts, dealing with its problems, cannot let up in making sure that Britain can pay its way in the world.
I feel like a horse.
I look like one.
I sound like one, a little hoarse.
Rennard? Isn’t that what they use to make cheese?
No, it’s Lenin?
I make my own cock cheese
It’s nice with doritos and salsa.
Can someone tell me where the swear jar is? I may need to borrow the contents for a while but don’t worry I’ll put a
BondIOU in its place.One ring to mule them all and in the darkness bind them.
Spoken like a true philanthropist
Each of you have a little bit of me in you.
And there’s a little bit of me in you darlin’
Here is our latest press release to the BBC:
▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄
Brake Bros? It seems that our elected representitives are being served the same processed filfth that we feed to prisoners.
This cannot be coincidence…..
Guido
I assume you personally tested the effects of Ketamine in your misspent youth
Will it make our MPs literally rant and rave on the floor of the House? (more than they actually do on alcohol) ?
I think this drug should be compulsorily injected into the food of all these troughers (expecially the pies)
At this point, there can be nothing to loose, and some laughs to be had, don’t you think?
I’ve taken K. I don’t see how it’s a recreational drug. You can’t move. All you can do is lie down. Slows down your perception of time though, which is fun.
Ketamine could part explain that mong jury. Anyone know if any horse has been labelled halal ?
DEFRA have conducted multiple tests on the Conservative party and the conclusion is there is no spine of any note in any of them.
Vicky Pryce guilty. Ten years nick.
So how long for her ex?
Was it Burnham who didn’t want us to have Shergar on our Cornflakes?
Yay it’s baaad for you, but it’s great for ma shakin’ fat booty!
Are you taking my name in vain again?
I will send shillings and pence to threaten you, watch out…
Is it true that Sex Pest Lord Rennard has denied being a LidDem?
That’s as closet you’ll ever get to finding out.
Nick Clegg denies cover-up over Lib Dem ‘screw-up’ of Rennard allegations.
Have they tried SCREWFIX?
Neighhhhhhhh.
Pull yourself together Eddy
You are our front man now, remember?
Sterling down just a little.
Gold is up.
Gilts yield up: 10y, 20y. 30Y (Price Down)
Gilts yield down: 2y. (Price Up)
Gilts flat: 5y
As of 15:15 25 Feb 2012
Markets loving !taly poll results so far.
Buy Gold
I use pound notes to wipe my arse these days, now that my Ponzi Scheme has finally wrecked the country
The Morgan Mob have invested ill gotten my millions elsewhere and short sterling at times like these
But I do love scuba diving nowadays, especially with is r a e l i millionairesses…
I contribute so much to peace that way…
The downgrading of our AAA rating is not a big issue as almost most of the western gov are in the same situation. If we were the only western country in this situation it would be a problem. If Italy does not result in a clear winner that will be more of a problem. We have more people in work than ever. Also in my area bob the builder seems to be busy judging by the number of skips I see, so the economy is moving at a lower level in London
Wrong…
A hung Parliament in Italy means they cannot undo what Monti’s government has already passed
All your bases are belong to us!
Give power-crazed Blinky a good dose of Ketamine
And his eyes will finally pop out of head
and his balls will fall off his undercarriage
I do believe…
risible labour line still being punted that the loss of the Triple A is a blow to George Osborne’s credibilty … it is probably the converse in reality because the alternative under labour would have meant it was lost 2 years ago… the adjustment on the money markets is not substantive in reaction and we
remain well placed to come out quicker once increased growth does come.
Moody’s take on Triple A ratings is a standing joke
Moody’s itself is a standing joke
At long last charged for frauding the world with giving phoney AAA rating on junk bonds
Not a joke for the DoJ though:
http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/02/08/us-moodys-results-idUSBRE9170GG20130208
S&P have been indicted already, Moodys likely will be also, unless they think this downgrade may curry flavor ?
Sue? Moodys? Must be right as Gordon always told it it was Sue’s fault.
It will be nice to see their come-uppance after all the damage they did to the world’s economies.
The election in Italy will have more of an effect than AAA rating.
Did any Defra staffer crack a horse pun in yesterday’s Sun column?
Fucking retards.
Who is the testicule who called one of my ships “HMS Bollock”?
This is higher treason
Especially on your 200th wedding anniversary, Sir…
“HMS Bollocks?
Great Britain’s 412-foot royal yacht, christened “The Britannia” by Queen Elizabeth II in 1953, required 230 crewmembers and 20 officers to run, and cost $18.5 million a year to operate.
When the vessel was decommissioned in 1997, one wag remarked, “They should keep the bloody royal yacht — and decommission the family.”
didn’t we pay for it on the understand that if there was a war it would be used as a hospital ship ?
I seem to recall it did actually make the journey to the Falkland islands as part of the RN contingent.
I thought it didn’t go
Not before giving Betty a diesel engine
Osborne sends balls up … joker balls no answer as usual
Balls was absolutely pathetic and the braying screeching loons behind him even worse. What a waste of parliamentary time and resources.
I don’t think Oscar Pistorius has a leg to stand on, dear.
But you told us yesterday that he had a spring in his step!
video please somebody.
would springy legs be allowed in cricket match ?
I suppose he would have to field at silly square leg ?
I guess he could also field at short leg
648 need their DNA testing.
start spinning like fuck team …todays triple A question is a complete balls up
Has Guido been tested for sun stroke?
Is it extra-absorbent or does it just tend to “smear?”
“Tests on all four items have been completed and all have concluded negative for equine DNA”
Would it not be better to check that the meat IS beef, rather than NOT horse?
STFU
Reindeers keep falling on my head…
+1
Plus, our French-fries are guaranteed to contain some Gallic DNA.
== Enjoy them on a High Street near YOU! ==
They might want to think about Norodine or Domperidone, regularly given to horses and not part of the “wonder passport” the EU insisted was implemented
Has anyone seen my Deputy Prime Minister?
If that’s a euphemism for your “tool”, dearest , try the second draw down.
So what, if the hoi-polloi stinkers are fed
Crap that drives them bonkers or makes them drop dead?
What’s important is that Parliament’s alright
Without them, wouldn’t we be deep in the shite?
Are they really triple A pies?
Food fit for the house of lies
Heimlich manoeuvre may be needed
Gob it out and get re-seated
If you remember the last Tory MP for Eastleigh Stephen Milligan sadly died from botched auto-erotic asphyxiation with an orange stuffed in his gob
Dope ‘o’ mine; your constituency MP.
Fair does, the jury is incarcerated for far longer than the sentence handed down to the convicted these days.
wouldn’t it be quicker to examine some old bones and a frog’s innards to determine her guilt ?
Nothing but the best meat pies for the gropers and gropees of Parliament.
http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/news/article-2272803/Think-tank-set-Gordon-Brown-s-backing-goes-administration.html
they couldn’t count either
Neigh lad (as we say in Yorkshire ) nowt wrong wi’a nice bit of stewed hoss in’t pudding.