February 19th, 2013

Exclusive to All Papers…And the Eye Two Weeks Later

It’s that time again. After Guido’s number-crunching two weeks ago, this week round Private Eye has finally decided against devoting any more column inches to this blog. There is, however, no let up in out of date news on offer in the latest offering from Lord Gnome’s organ.

This week’s Eye tells the tale of an amusing begging email sent by Paddy Ashdown to both friend and foe, asking for cash to help in the Eastleigh by-election fight. Wind back a week to the 12th, the day the email was sent, and you could have seen it in full on Guido and elsewhere. Not to mention the speedy reply from an unlikely recipient.

It’s yesterday’s news…


  1. 1
    Drivèl-Watch says:

    SO WHAT?

  2. 2
    Lunchtime O'Booze says:

    Shorely Shum Mishtake?

    • 34
      Anonymous says:

      P.Eye is better than the Sun any day.

      • 64
        Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

        Who knows their next edition may feature the outbreak of horse meat contamination. Can’t wait for that scoop.

      • 114
        Anonymous says:

        imitation is better than no imitation?
        whi does not like the sun….we all enjoy….somehow time stands still when the sunray bathe us…the one’s in early morning even make the birds sing with joy.
        the purpose of the p.eye is to discover the truth.
        within the layers of truth hidden as if inside a set if russian dolls….as we discover at the end…of the endless set of dolls that there is ultimately nothing there…so the p.eye is waste.

        as before we follow the trail of truth…lets consider that there was ultimately nothing before the unverse came into being. the greatest truth is unknowable as how can you no nothing…yes it can be appreciated….but no more.
        so as the great sc says the more you know the more you realise that how little we know. bw is a novice and gf is the sun god.

        • 126
          Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:

          i pray for you

        • 132
          Blowing Whistles says:

          As for sc – a know all LEGend in his own lunchtime. “bw is a novice” eh -Flattered very much thank you.

          And Anonymous – is the Desperate Self-appointed pisspoorprofessionally paid troll – or not paid troll trying to compete where he is out of his league.

          Do please try and make your paragraphs concise, readable and in a grammatical and intelligible sense.

          Do please also state your facts in a simple and easily readable format otherwise – keep posting as you do and I “WILL KEEP LAUGHING MY FUCKING BOLLOX OFF”.

          • Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:

            You need a pea

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            Thank you Alan Rsebridger for your insightful intelligent comment.

            btw Silent Bob will forever be better than you.

          • Anonymous says:


          • Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:


          • Anonymous says:

            a world class individual you are as you world class knowledge…10years effort show it.
            you use that power in a balanced way.
            but you do not work for the highest good, with respect…though you are noble intent.
            …..a humanitarian does not pick ‘n choose. yu do.
            …..yr finger is on the natural justice. this is correct but the emotion behind it creates imprecision.
            is this simple.

          • Anonymous says:

            . . please correct me if I am wrong.
            you think that mother nature, i.e nature on mother earth knows best. or is that nature is indestructible and hence it know best…. unclear about your depths. However,
            does nature distinguish between the good and bad.. as when tsunami hits all get wiped out…the good, bad and the ugly.
            if this is natural justice then a miscarriage of justice is natural justice…as it is blind?
            if you want just justice then it is natural justice plus.
            but are you natural justice plus yourself?
            if not where is your integrity in asking for something that you yourself may or may not be. you need to become a true humanitarian as what you seek under the guise of natural justice is true humanity.
            but when you become a true humanitarian i.e work for everyone’s good then the question of justice does not arise…does it?

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            Anony – you need therapy – ‘cos what you endlessly waffle on about ain’t normal human beings – humanitarianism is just another fucked up “cult”.

          • Not Blowing Whistles says:

            @BW: I thought he was going on about humanism or some other new age shtick.

            Here is the reality to counter the iffy idealism:

          • Anonymous says:

            can you clarify what is your “cult”

          • Anonymous says:

            idealism unless grounded is of nil value in practice.
            greatest truth is raw….and dark…..hence not for the delicates.
            it appears that bw wants closure to do with the work he has done in the past 10 years and move to anther level. i may be wrong.

          • Anonymous says:

            neither the ground, reality or truth is iffy.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            to anon – keep fishing sucker

            as for you being wrong – you is a mong.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            2 anonys – it like talking to 2 poles …

      • 215
        Footnote says:

        Anonymous is 104 years old.

  3. 4

    To be fair we don’t read the eye for up to date news….

  4. 6
    Another Satisfied Reader says:

    What’s the matter Guido not getting the invites to dinner over the weekend? FFS we want real gossip not f_cking journo public school bum boy bitching

  5. 7
    Incapable Vince says:

    We will bring in a tax on Yesterday’s News.

  6. 8
    Anonymous says:

    I read your website and Private Eye. There is room and probably a need in the world for both of you, attacking each other is demeaning and rather petty.

    • 12
      Spokeshave says:

      Er … both this organ and the printed one are demeaning and rather petty.

    • 18
      Anonymous says:

      Agreed! Stop bragging Guido you arse.

    • 80
      Archibald The Dog says:

      Beware the wrath of Lord Gnome

      • 99
        Mr Quelch says:

        As any fule kno, the Gnome Organ has broken masses of scandals & cover -ups since it’s conception back in the 60′s. How many times has Blogmeister Guido been up before the beak for stretching the laws of libel eh ? Real investigative journalism sails close to the wind.

        P.S : I read Guido nearly every day & also subscribe to The Eye.

      • 243
        Curly says:

        Archy, it’s not the wrath it’s the CURSE that Gweeds needs to beware of. It has worked faultlessly for over 40 years, so has had lots of practice….

  7. 15
    T'Old Fella says:

    For goodness sake Geedo, stop messing about with Lord Gnome’s organ, people will beginning to talk

  8. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Break a story like the Bristol heart scandal, and I’ll regard this blog as being as worthwhile as Private Eye.

    Re-printing e-mails someone has sent you is different to journalism.

    • 20
      here he goes again.. says:

      you’re being churlish Anon … both have their place and you spend plenty of time on here so cut the crap.

  9. 21
    Iwantthetruth says:

    Guido…Private Eye offers so much more than out of date news. It is the magazine with the guts that the newpapers don’t have. Don’t fight with them you are both on the same side. It makes you look petty. Long may you both continue.

  10. 24
    Polly Toynski says:

    Hello, my name is Polly Toynski and I am columnist with the Daily Turnip here in Bucharest. I am writing to let you know that I am coming to London next year and I can write opinion piece for newspapers for only £50 a time. My editor, Zoltan Rusbridger, is also coming to London. He is learning the zongora in his spare time. He plays “My mother fix the tractor while the wolves howl” very badly, I’m afraid! But he will edit newspaper for only £10,000 per year. I hear the Guardian is losing money. Perhaps we can work there. We have many journalists coming who can work there, name your price we are very keen.

    • 30
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Do you clean toilets as well?

    • 66
      Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

      Are you prepared to lick Miliband cock?

    • 129
      Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:

      OK Polly, you time has come. Whip that top off and we can then look the Current Bun in the Eye.

  11. 25
    ████ ' changed my tune ' Hoon says:

    This is my private iPad

  12. 27
    GoBalls says:

    Hislop sold his sole to the MSM years ago. I hope it never happens to you Guido.

  13. 28
    P l e b says:

    Cameron: “Kate Middleton” and “Princess Kate”

    Doesn’t he know the woman’s name?

  14. 29
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Must be down to Ian Hisloppy.

  15. 33
    Newscorp Lickspittle says:

    The obvious difference between PI and OO is that PI is funny

  16. 36

    Hilary Mantel Describes Kate Middleton as

    “shop-window mannequin” with a fake smile whose only purpose in life is to breed”

    Well true or not , it’s better than looking like Worzel Gummidge’s. ugly sister


    what a fuckin munter !

    • 38
      Joss Ayinglike says:

      Hence the expression, ‘You don’t look at Mantel’s face when you’re poking the fire’

    • 40

      Rather like Hillary Clinton looking in a distorted mirror.

    • 44
      Fact Hunt says:

      Plug’s mother.

    • 67
      Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

      Mysogynist alert!

    • 109
      Fog says:

      Mantel looks like a Halloween pumpkin.

    • 144
      Blowing Whistles says:

      I read the link at first as ….. Hilary-Mantel-”boxer”-winner

      Now was my first thought of she looks like a boxer dog the truth that first sprang to mind?

      She is one fugly looking bitch.

      • 154
        Not Blowing Whistles says:

        It’s just a very bad photo.

        Check her out here :


        It’s her dress and the background which make things really bad. The blue is too pale with her skin and doesn’t really go with hair / lipstick color. And her roots are showing.

        The killer though is the harsh white lighting she is under, and cold filter on the camera. Anyone would look awful having photo taken in those conditions.

        The photo included here looks better. Higher cut dress, no blue, not too bad. The warmer lighting and filter are much kinder as well.

        • 158
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Perhaps NBW … but she is still a pig wearing lipstick and there ain’t nothin gonna improve that mug.

          • Not Blowing Whistles says:

            Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and her prose is somewhat attractive. I do not question your taste, so do not think I criticize.

            There is quite a lot which could improve her look. Some of the above, and Google up photoshop enhancement and you will find some good info.

            Quite handy to know about, as people do not realize just how manipulated photos and video (the techniques can be done in real time with a video stream) are these days.

            Lots of makeup / cosmetic options as well.

            In person she will look different. The camera always flattens images. The angle that shot was taken from is bad: If she was facing the camera, head slightly turned side but looking into the lens her face would look narrower which would likely be more aesthetically pleasing.

            Some strategically placed makeup, softer lighting and lens and a little photoshop work and she could help the TLS shift a few more copies than normal.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            nbw – you’re havin a larf. Even in person she is probably ugly – don’t get into all this photoshop5hit – its not a subject I am going to say anymore about.

        • 217

          Fuckin hell ! i just lost the will to live reading that , Please don’t ever come into my pub we would have a mass suicide you boring c*nt

  17. 37
    Not mentally disordered; says:



  18. 41
    Red Egg Millitit.....National Socialist. says:

    Naughty naughty….. legal advice pulled the Ms Pryce piece ? :)

  19. 42
    Red Egg Millitit.....National Socialist. says:

    Not wanting to upset the moo – slims, but this person is a p i g in knickers :)


  20. 43
    NE Frontiersman says:

    PE has covered countless stories of public interest years before the MSM dared to touch them. Only PE cover the cesspit of incompetence and corruption that is local government, often enabling prosecutions that otherwise would not have occurred. They might be an even better rag if they left the bitchier gossip – which has its own value in puncturing the pomp of the mighty – to you. Live and let live.

  21. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Shock News! Fortnightly publication can only report events once every two weeks!

  22. 46
    Bugler Bert says:

    Hey Guido; are you Violet Elizabeth Bott in disguise? If not, try growing up…….

    • 117
      Guido says:

      You be nithe to me or I’ll scweam and scweam until I make mythelf thick – I can, you know

      • 120
        Guido says:

        The latht one wath an impothter- I typed: You be nithe to me or I’ll thcweam and thcweam until I make mythelf thick – I can, you know

  23. 47
    Mother says:

    Whatever is the matter? Did they turn you down?
    You are behaving like spoilt children.
    Just stop it!

  24. 59
    Owin Jones says:

    I no longer give a fuck, well, I do, but fuck it..

    • 81
      Sage Owen Jones says:

      Some deep political analysis from the left:

      Jones should consider this:

      Or more simply, what was 1997 Blair’s campaign slogan ?

      ‘New Labour Because Britain Deserves Better’

      D:Reams’s ‘Things can only get better’ was the song.

      Thatcher’s GE slogans:

      1979 : Labour isn’t Working
      1983 : Britain’s on the right track
      1987 : It’s Great To Be Great Again

      This is either complete ignorance on Jones’ part, or a new type of revisionism.

  25. 60
    Jimmy says:

    Still no invite for HIGNFY?

    You’re taking it well though.

    • 68
      Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

      The next edition is a Titanic special.

    • 71
      Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

      It’s one in the eye for Harold.

      Duodecicentenary magazine reveals the result of the Battle of Hastings.

      • 92
        Sir William Wade says:

        Dibbler, is it true that you are the sole supplier of beef to T*sco, F*ndus and British schools and prisons?

    • 75
      Engineer says:

      The BBC have given him one token ‘Any Questions’ appearance so that they can say they haven’t blanked him. That’ll be his lot, though; they’ll do a David Bellamy/Robin Page on him now.

      Don’t think it bothers him, either. The money’s rolling in, the blog’s doing OK. Who needs the BBC?

      • 78
        Jimmy says:

        Not to mention a few heads up his sphincter apparently.

        Life is good.

        • 100
          dennis says:

          I think the green eyed monster has made an appearance, LOL!

        • 102
          Engineer says:

          Merely an observation.

          I gather this is the only political blog that makes a profit. Clearly, in your twisted world, that’s a sin; political blogs should be taxpayer funded, but only if the right people say so.

          I can understand that you’re sore at our host lifting two fingers to one of the tenets of your political creed, but that’s life. Have another deep-fried Mars-bar and chill, Jimmy.

        • 145
          The Far Right says:

          C’mon – big shout out for the Lobster next ?

      • 94
        Tim Yeo is a useless sack of shit says:

        “Who needs the BBC?”

        Not watched it, heard it (nor even looked at its website) since 1999.

        But I’m still supposed to pay for it.

        But I don’t. :-)

        (why has it taken 8 attempts and more than 10 minutes to post this message? This blog is a piece of shit.)

        • 135
          Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:

          We can do better.

  26. 69
    Sir William Wade says:

    The Eye has stories of real substance from many areas of real life, not just the latest Westminster gossip. Also, it has good jokes.

    • 73
      Guido and Hyslop the Harry Styles & Taylor Swift of Satire says:

      Though it doesnt have the fictitious posters this blog has !

    • 76
      Jimmy says:

      And then of course there’s the issue of cartoon quality…

    • 149
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Has PE ever ever really thrown 5hit at the masons – I know not. In fact they daren’t. At least here we can throw 5hit at the loons from the lodge.

      • 160
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Martin Short who wrote inside the brotherhoodies – was a put up job.

        Stephen Knight – was the man.

      • 194
        Anonymous says:

        so… pe lacks integrity. it may have stories of substance as ww states but if it lacks integrity then…
        even if it does nt lack integrity then its scope is limited if it leaves out something f significance.
        ww likes jokes in pe but no doubt they are at someone’s expense. that’s fine but then why complain when the courts are “unjust”.

        • 207
          Blowing Whistles says:

          whoever you are – you’re neither funny, entertaining or interesting – just bland and boring.

  27. 79
    Alex says:

    Expect better from both you and Hislop than the childish little bitch fight you seem to be currently engaged in tbh.

  28. 82
    Bugler Bert says:

    How about this for a joks – just a lamtelpiece for you, my wallflower……..

  29. 86
    Bogbrush says:

    Er….I don’t usually post here.

    • 176
      Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:

      you must be round the bend

      • 254
        Extremely ancient seafarer says:

        Plagiarised from that old schoolboy one-liner: I took my Harpic to a party and everyone said I was clean round the bend.

  30. 89
    Crazy Legs says:

    Can Staines and Hislop arrange a dance-off?

  31. 95
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP.

  32. 96
    Mr Slater's Parrot says:

    K-KSKREEEEETT!!! (scrittle)

  33. 97
    Uncle Joe and Adolf fall out despite being two cheeks of the same left wing totalitarian arse says:

    You say Motherland
    I say Fatherland
    Lets call the whole thing off.

  34. 98
    dennis says:

    HELP! According to Guido’s ads section, I live in fucking Taunton ffs.

  35. 101
    Mong Watch says:

    Some deep political analysis from the left:

    What was Labour’s 1997 campaign slogan ?

    ‘New Labour Because Britain Deserves Better’

    D:Reams’s ‘Things can only get better’ was the song.

    Conservative GE slogans:

    1979 : Labour isn’t Working
    1983 : Britain’s on the right track
    1987 : It’s Great To Be Great Again


  36. 108
    Anonymous says:

    What’s happened to the Vicky Pryce jury story?

  37. 111
  38. 112
    Fog says:

    I read Private Eye and I read this blog. And will continue…

  39. 113
    Paul Merton's weekly hilarious Chazza impression says:

    Private Eye prints plenty of stories against the Beeboids *and* the Dirty Digger’s empire. That must be why Rupe has instructed his catamite to “redress the balance”.

  40. 118
    David Minibanana says:

    Which imbecile was Energy Secretary between 2008 & 2010 ?

  41. 121
    The Loony Left says:

    It’s her human right ………..

    • 136
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      Think of the hungry people it could feed in this country!

    • 141
      Not a fan of Labour or this woman but says:

      That is quite cheap to keep the horse. About GBP 2400 a year.

      Is a bit off that it is at the tax payers expense, but given the number of children she has, per child it is not much and a good investment.

      Better the kids are occupied with the horse than stealing cars, getting into drugs etc.

      • 151
        R. Youshore says:

        Benefits are designed to be a lifesaver, not a lifestyle choice.

        • 159
          Not a fan of Labour or this woman but says:

          Agreed, but the damage has been done.

          The state intervened and allowed this situation to develop. How that can be undone without creating a more serious set of problems for society to deal with is tricky.

          Looking at the ages of her children, 8 of the 11 were born since 1997 when Labour got in. Smoking gun ?

          Cannot attack her. Her family are a victim of the unreality state that Labour created.

          Adjusting her back to reality will be difficult as there is no benefit to anybody pushing the family into a poverty trap.

          There most certainly is benefit in housing them properly and ensuring that they can work and not feel they need to have 11 kids to survive: But that is their choice.

          I do not intend any puns.

          The horse is not a major issue. It will likely not survive more than 2 more years, and for her younger children it is a good occupation now.

          Irresponsible state meddling in the benefits system from 1997 through 2010 is the only thing that can be attacked here. And should be most vigorously.

          • R. Youshore says:

            I understand your point of view but we have a significant problem for future generations unfolding before us. These kids ( and their kids ) will grow up expecting to be fed, watered, housed and funded in perpetuity.

            This is clearly unsustainable and the ‘entitlements’ culture fostered by Labour has to be addressed – fast.

          • Not a fan of Labour or this woman but says:


            That is why the system has and is being changed right now, thankfully.

            The eldest already has one child.

            Before being unduly harsh on this family it would be wise to ask whether the children have expectations that they will get everything for free off of the state. That may not be completely the case.

            Fully agree that the cycle needs to be arrested here.

            The problem you mention is more widespread as evidenced by the riots the other year. Killing the economy and with it non-state employment opportunities has not helped. The state footing the bill is not sustainable without the state regressing into some sort of totalitarian regime.

            It is interesting to note that the mother here seems to be doing everything correct by her children. There has been no hint of anything other than odd family planning being off there, and an odd but understandable expectation on her front regarding accommodation.

            The only thing that should be attacked right now in the context of that T’Graph article and this family is the states involvement in enabling that situation. This is a problem created by Labour policies and needs to be recognized as such.

            The family should not be the target.

          • Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr, J., US Supreme Court says:

            “Three generations of imbeciles are enough.”
            Of course, I also famously wrote an essay, “The Path Of The Law,” in which I caution young law students never to confuse what is “lawful” with what is “moral” — so there you are.

    • 155
      Blowing Whistles says:

      I Watched Kevin Marxist Communist Magoo Maguire discussing this mother on LAST NIGHTS Sky paper review about 10:30pm with A Pierce.

      Could not believe Maguires attempt to ‘justify the woman and all the benefit scroungers in the UK’ – it was quite pitiful of Maguire. But very insightful as to maguires tendency.

  42. 122
    Casual Observer says:

    Interesting article:


    Breasts could be the key to restoring some privacy ?

  43. 125
    Owin Jones says:

    Guido when will you realize that your opinion doesn’t fucking matter to me?

  44. 128
    Anonymous says:

    you’re so up you’re own ar$e

    • 139
      Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:

      Aha ha ha

  45. 131
    E.J. Thribb, age seventeen-and-a-half, says:

    So. Farewell, then?

    Private Eye– like Bedlam,
    A venerable old British institution,
    And in much the same fashion,
    Outlived its raison d’etre,
    When folk didn’t find it funny anymore,
    To be fair.
    Well, then…

    • 150
      Euripides says:

      There once was a blogger named Guido
      The advert-boys tended to feed. Oh!
      He dissed Private Eye
      And scoffed his horse pie
      Whilst leaving the blog to his pea dough.

  46. 134
    Calamity Clegg says:

    I would like the LibDem council in Eastleigh to ensure that all these they have granted building permission for, are Mansions so that Vince can tax them.

  47. 137
    passing wind says:

    This comment board seems rather “lite” today. Is the NUJ still on strike in some areas?

    • 140
      Alan Rusbridger is Romanian for sheep's arse and the Manchester Guardian is a poorly built hencoop says:

      We have assumed control. We have assumed control. We have assumed control.

  48. 153
    Saffron says:

    The lib dumbs are a no hope party of sandal wearing green party of assholes who will be wiped out at the next election.
    Their non policies day by day smack of desperation and I think that the voters can see this.
    This party has always been on the back end of politics,pray look at their history,they chose to go Con rather than Lie thinking that this is our way to power,have they proved what they really stand for.
    Well yes they have and it is the most incompetant party ever,who do not and will never represent the aspirations of the majority of people in this land.
    Will Cammoron ever stand up to these misfits,well all the signs are not unless he suddenly grows a pair and becomes a conservative,which he does not show any signs at this point in time.

    • 189
      Anonymous says:

      although corruption is global, the political class is a place of disrepute in the main, but not everywhere. of the main countries probably only the chinese and the russians think that on balance they are better off with their politicians.
      if so, then..

  49. 156
    +++BREAKING SNOOZE+++ says:


    • 240
      JH4568564563523 says:

      I would find it irritating if someone started Bugling in my bathroom. Shooting them four times is still excessive.

      • 260
        Catty Comment (Ms) says:

        Still waiting for O’Barmy to jump on this to illustrate his ban-firearms tiff with the NRA.

  50. 161
    Owin Jones says:

    Lib Dems gearing up for last push in Eastleigh this weekend – except for Nick Clegg who is fucking off to Spain on holiday.

  51. 164
    Stilted moddee says:

    Priv.I runs stories against both Beeb and Murdo despite Hislop’s panto career. G.Dough speaks his massa’s voice

  52. 166
    the posh scouser says:

    Their cartoons are funny though, something your page has failed to manage yet. Why can’t the 2 of you get on. You look a little childish in my eye. It’s printed every 2 weeks and covers more than this site does. You’re self-righteousness bores me. If you carry on like this I’ll be forced to cancel my broadband subscription.

    • 262
      Curly says:

      We can tell you are a Scouser as you don’t seem to know the difference twixt you’re and your. Is your football shirt red or blue?

  53. 167
    Ed Miliband says:

    I wasn’t saying one nation. I was saying one asian. I was talking about Keith Vaz.

  54. 172
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Once again Marxist Mason on Newsnight having a wank over Golden Shower or whatever they’re called in Greece. This lefty BBC cuunt just can’t stop reporting from Greece about “right wingers” can he? Despite the fact most of the violence comes from the left.

    Fuck off Mason you lefty wanker.

    • 183
      Point of Information says:

      Syriza, the far left, are the ones who are responsible for most of the unrest, attacks on the Greek Parliament etc.

      Some of their actions have been wrongly attributed to Golden Dawn it has emerged.

      Marxist Mason at Newsnight has no credibility. Peston is common purpose.

      • 195
        Jeremy 'TaxPlan' Paxman says:

        Actually, I’m a bit of a champagne socialist. Just don’t tell Chris Fatten.

      • 264
        Curly says:

        Despite his family connections, Peston is merely ‘common’ (and thick and devious, but we won’t go into that).

    • 184
      Biased BBC says:

      Well said, why the BBC still find the need to employ ex communists and pinkos is beyond me in this day and age.

      • 200
        Operation Crossbow says:

        Mason did some report about right wingers (yawn) in Spain the other week, yet when they did the studio bit all the guests basically said Mason was exaggerating it.

        He really is a mong.

  55. 181
    The Libor party says:
    • 193
      UK Watch says:

      Another way that Labour funded the socialist paradise was by diverting funds which should have gone into these kind of problems into social security and expanding government.

    • 225
      The man at the back with the awful jumper - yes you sir says:

      ‘Customers were warned they face a sharp rise in their bills’ – and this is news??? Must be a slow day at the Telerag – hasn’t anyone famous murdered someone or anything like that? Failing all else, can’t they find pictures of some schoolgirls who have passed some exams? That’s usually the Telerag’s default story.

    • 238
      Yeo Ho Ho says:

      We need more green energy. Lubbly jubbly!

  56. 186
    No Justice Anymore says:

    • 191
      EU Watch says:

      This is why Assange has gone into the Ecuadorian embassy in London.

      The scope for abuse of the EAW was discussed when the legislation was going through the EU Parliament, but it still went in.

      It is seriously abused on the continent. In particular it has been used politically to have people removed from certain countries to another.

      • 199
        Blowing Whistles says:

        And it all remains quiet on the Jack Straw / David Miliband Rendition Flights front then … hello is documentary evidence uncovered in Libya – being silenced or is their further horsetrading going on in the darker arts circles?

  57. 210
    Omar Mahmoud Othman says:

    I’d like to thank the NHS for giving me a hand to stay in the UK.

  58. 213
    The Fifty Seventh Earl of Perineum says:

    It is interesting to see that most Britons don’t see any point in saving money as maybe they think it will all be taken away from them.

    It may also reflect that a large number misguidedly think that the state will step in and rescue them.

    If correct, the above possibilities reflect two sides of the same coin.


  59. 220
    Owin Jones says:

    A Findus spokesman explained tonight that products from Findus will no longer be labelled with calories.

    Now it’s horsepower.

    • 237
      Owen's mum says:

      Owen! I’ve told you before. If you’re going to get your underpants as stiff as this wash them yourself my lad.

  60. 221
    The man at the back with the awful jumper - yes you sir says:

    I read this blog and I read Private Eye. Does the self-styled Mr Fawkes now demand that we choose between them? There’s a lot in PE which doesn’t appear here – and vice versa (which is Latin for something).
    Both organs specialise in unmasking the corruption and hypocrisy which goes on in High Places, so why the sniping at each other? Just what the government wants! The more time messrs Fawkes and Hislop spend denigrating each other, the less time they spend on what they’re meant to be doing.
    So stop acting like children arguing over who’s got the best bike, and get on with it! (Pause to allow massive applause from the audience – adjusts features to look serious but marginally pleased with self for benefit of the cameras).

    • 223
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Guido has sun stroke.

    • 231
      Oh sorry - it's not a man; it's Carina Trimingham says:

      Good point. Remember, Guido, the PE is only published once a fortnight so is inevitably going to be, in part anyway, historic news.
      So stop bitching the pair of you and get on with what you both do best – skewering those who deserve it.

      • 234
        The Fifty Seventh Earl of Perineum says:

        Have you had the dubious pleasure of seeing under her jockstrap?

    • 265
      What it says on la tin says:

      I think vice versa is something to do with writing naughty poems.

  61. 222

    Driving up the M62 on Sunday between Lancashire and Yorkshire it now resembles a fucking farm track littered with potholes and in the inside two visible trenches for your wheels to run in caused by HGV wheels
    just a few years ago you never saw a pothole on a motorway as they were always on top of it , now the roads are being left to fall apart
    on the normal roads all the line markings are disappearing making thing even more dangerous

    • 233
      Liam Byrne says:

      There’s no money left.

      • 248
        JH4568564563523 says:

        Actually Liam, road tax and fuel duty pay for the maintenance of the roads at least three times over.

        But lets not spend it on that, oh no. Let’s piss it up the wall on State expansion to keep the lefties happy.

  62. 224
    Colonel Bloodnok says:

    Osborne faces failure on the deficit after 4G auction falls £1.16bn short http://bit.ly/ZqLuU

    • 229
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      So what, its 1000 billion we need. A piddling 1 billion makes no difference.
      While you are stirring it up ask labour why they left us with a debt of 800 billion when boom and bust had been eradicated.

      • 232
        The Fifty Seventh Earl of Perineum says:

        An excellent point, Mr Newly Parenthesised, except as to add to the £800bn and rising as it was bound to do whoever won the election. Indeed add on the off-balance sheet stuff and it was well over £1tn.

    • 245
      Neddy Seagoon says:

      4G ? A drop in the ocean.

  63. 226
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Many years ago chaussee deformee signs were all over France. Maybe we should adopt these signs over here.

    • 266
      Monsieur Curly, linguist par excellence a votre service says:

      But we Brits resolutely refuse to either learn or speak any other language – so they might just as well be in Welsh really…

  64. 227
    Uri Nate says:

    The British Blogger awards are TONIGHT! Will Owen Jones diss Mark Ferguson? Will Guido Fawkes top his Grammy winning blogging performance? Most importantly will you be watching?

  65. 228
    Westminster Gossip says:

    Hislop the squirt…

    Come on Guido leave the squirt alone, he will run crying to his mammy. Hislop like all little people are plagued by a massive chip on their shoulders. Guido,you don’t need squirts you need giants to make the political blog fresh and alive.

    What is the point of Private Eye in today’s wall-to-wall, 24 hour media world?

  66. 235
    Nanny says:

    I read and enjoy both and think you should stop being silly.

  67. 236
    One Term Dave says:

    My policy on immigration is to talk tough,bluster and bollox but actually do nothing. How clever is that?

  68. 247
    Curly says:

    1. zero
    2. no

    next question…

  69. 269
    Anonymous says:

    Hislop on HIGNFY is toe curlingly dreadful. Along with the rest of the people on the show virtually 100% lefty hunts.

  70. 270
    Guidders says:


    “Staines on his reputation

    Though few noticed at the time, the inner workings of Gove’s clique were revealed when Cook complained to Tory officials. Paul Staines, aka blustering blogger Guido Fawkes, rushed to defend Cummings and de Zoete. “As far as Guido can tell there is no evidence that Gove’s Spads have made any personal attacks,” he huffed.

    Last Saturday, as Observer political editor Toby Helm prepared to reveal that Gove’s Spads were indeed behind personal attacks, Staines popped up again with a pre-emptive rubbishing of the investigation. “Guido understands,” he sneered, “that Helm reckons it could bring down Michael Gove.” Helm reckoned nothing of the sort: Gove’s aides, with Staines’s help, were merely engaged in the spin-doctor’s classic ruse of raising false expectations that can’t be met.”


    • 272
      Yes! Yes! Yes to Plain Packs says:

      What do Private Eye (cover price: £1.50) and order-order.com (free of charge) have in common?

      They’re both worth every penny.

Media Reader

Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Mirror’s Lazy Lie | Guardian
Mirror’s Weeping Child Picture Lying Lazy Journalism | Guardian
Coulson: Everything You Need to Know in 6 Seconds | MediaGuido
BBC Still Loves the Guardian | Breitbart
Establishment Times Chums Appeasing Tory Europhiles | UKIP
Andrew Pierce v Owen Jones | MediaGuido
Michael Rosen’s Expert Opinions | MediaGuido

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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