February 14th, 2013

Roses are Red, Boris is Blue
He’s Not Got a Date, So It Could Be You

Guido noted yesterday that the Tories clearly don’t have much hope of their staff getting dates tonight and are throwing a collective bash for parliamentary researchers and secretaries, but now it seems their most high-profile ladies man is also fancy free tonight. Instead of roses and candles, tonight Boris will be leading a tele-canvassing session for the Eastleigh by-election from CCHQ. Girls in pearls have been warned via a party email to get there early “to ensure you don’t miss the great man.”

Form a queue…


  1. 1
    q says:

    whatever happened to maria miller’s expenses investigation – after a period out of the limelight the doyen of killing disabled people is everywhere – as if nothing has happened – what a nazi government we have????

  2. 2
    What a knicker dropper says:

    Cor what a charmer! Bet he’s not interested in gay marriage.

  3. 3
    Con Artists says:

    France propose draconian cash controls.
    Coming to the UK soon….

    Stuffed into that 20-page national plan is a draconian tool: prohibiting cash payments of over €1,000 per purchase. The current threshold is €3,000. It’s urgent. He wants to get the process started soon so that “a decree and legislative measures” can be finished by the end of 2013.
    Two crisp 500-euro bills and a single coin: voilà, an illegal transaction.


  4. 4
    Oscar Pistolius says:

    My favourite film is The Valentines Day Massacre.

  5. 5
    Oscar Pissedorius says:

    I’m doing a blade runner.

  6. 6
    Oscar Pissedorius says:

    She was blown away by my love.

  7. 7
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Any news from Southwark about that lovely man and his scheming ex wife?

  8. 8
    Oscar says:

    Who laughing at my 9mm now?

  9. 9
    Oscar Pissedorius says:

    Her heart went out to me. And landed on the floor.

  10. 10
    Saint Valentine says:

    The ” Saint” has been dropped from Saint Valentine’s Day.
    Now just Valentines
    Nothing to do with gaining a larger market from non-christian imm ig rants of course

  11. 11
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    The MP’s expense accounts will be full of Valentine purchases today. Nothing has changed the political class scum will be dipping same as usual.

  12. 12
    Oscar Pissedorius says:

    She said “I want to see Bullet to the Head”. How was I to know she meant the film?

  13. 13
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Laugh all you like, but you won’t have a leg to stand on in court.

  14. 14

    Sadly it is true that some disabled people are placing their affairs in order before they die due to the effects of government policies. Removing peoples independence will do that. When you cut through the propoganda that is the harsh reality of life. Which is why in the future when people look back at this governments performance and then think about their granny, wife, cousin, son, who took their life out of despondency and fear that drove them to death, our current government is likely to be remembered very badly.

    Good intentions are one thing, piss poor implementation has such effects. But hey ho the private companies are trousering lots of cash that otherwise could have been paid to disabled people so everything is hunkydory in Toryland.

    It is a disgrace that private comanies are enabled by our government to make tons of profit at the expense of our vulnerable people. Medi-bloody-evil.

  15. 15
    Mr Ed says:

    That burger was a bute!

  16. 16
    George Gideon Oliver Osborne says:

    FTSE 100 6325.34
    -33.77 -0.53%

    I’m “shorting” the FTSE today,are you?

  17. 17
    Uzi 9mm says:

    A pity Oscar wasn’t dating Margaret Moran.

  18. 18
    The South Bank Coffee Shop says:

    There are so many scheming ex wives in Southwark. Do you have anyone in particular in mind.

  19. 19
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    Nobody is interested in gay marriage except for the pm.

  20. 20
    Uzi 9mm says:

    Previous incidents of domestic violence at Pistolius’s house. I’m amazed. How was he able to attack his girlfriend? All she had to do was sweep him off his feet.

  21. 21
    Owin Jones says:

    Guido,will you marry me?

  22. 22
    CCHQ Head of Strategy says:

    Hey, guys, I’ve just had a great idea to make us even more popular! Let’s interrupt peoples’ romantic Valentine’s evening with cold calls asking if they’d like to take part in a ‘survey’…

  23. 23
    Oscar Pissedorius says:

    Love is a battlefield.

  24. 24
    A Dodgy Dictator says:

    Very soon it will be almost impossible to bribe a French politician with anything other than diamonds

  25. 25
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    I’m short from 3,500 when Libor policies destroyed the UK economy.

  26. 26
    Lost in Clacton says:

    What has happened to that jury with Mrs Pryce ?

    Are they sleeping or what ?

    Hopefully jail sentences can be handed down this weekend .

  27. 27
    Don Juans Don't Vote For Gay Marriages says:

    Good idea. Don’t forget to wait until people have lit the candles and are pouring out the champagne

  28. 28
    Alexandre Boris dePfeffel Johnson says:

    Well, there’s being a party boy, and there’s being a Party boy. And I can do both at the same time (and do). I’m just lucky that way, I figure. Ladies, ladies! No need to fight over me!

  29. 29
    Jesus H Christ says:

    These people ‘looking back’ at their relatives killing themselves. Do they not feel any shame at failign to provide their own flesh and blood with love and support, or is that something they think that total stranges should be taxed to provide?

  30. 30
    V!le Tories are ruining my country says:

    Immigration: David Cameron urges Indians to come to ‘welcoming’ Britain


    There is “no limit” on the number of Indian nationals who can come to Britain to study and work, David Cameron has said.

  31. 31

    There is an assumption and a half jesus h christ.

    I can only wonder why familes has not already thought of that.

  32. 32
    ***** says:

    “to ensure you don’t miss the great man.”

    We are painting a target on his chest,
    Load, aim, FFFFFF

  33. 33
    ..and Tarquin says:

    Don’t forget me dearie! I’m up for it.

  34. 34
    Warren Buffett says:

    An excellent call,Gideon.

    On the money as always.

  35. 35
    God save us from the pernicious French says:

    A pair of knickers on the floor used to be more than enough. Are they getting above themselves?

  36. 36
    Broadsword callng Danny Boy says:

    A Polish specimen.

  37. 37
    Jesus H Christ says:

    Because they are selfish? Who knows? There are so many reasons why people try to tax the poor to get the state to do things these days. often, i suspect, they just don’t even think about their own responsibilities for things at all. Its a bit like that woman who compained about working in a shop for her welfare money. Why didn’t her father and mother support her while she looked for work?

  38. 38

    Most probably because of the way our society has evolved since the second world war when we decided as a nation to care as a society. Now with the best will and intentions in the world, you will not change that in one parliamentary sitting, it would take 30 years to do in a societally repsonsible way (assuming you thought it was the right thing to do, (many don’t).

    As an ex tory party and adam smith institute member I am sympathetic with what our government are trying to achieve, but equally because I was brought up on a council estate, got myself into the gobal professions (Price Waterhouse) and have cared for the disabled, been unemployed, ran my own business, etc I do have a measure of first hand understanding on this issue and my perspective might just be broader than our current governments.

    Things do need to change, but the way that the government have implemented things has shed the fabric of society while privite companies cash in, as clearly evidinced by the likes of Panorama. That is simply wrong.

    Had our government taken a less “kick up the arse” and more “evolutionary” approach it might have succeeded. But as it stands darkness has penetrated our nation. Minorities are being marginalised and history has proven that to be a bad thing.

    If you really wonder why families dont help each other, ask yourself why when someone dies the money pot can lead to family break ups and disputes and all sorts of havoc. People in this country are simply not wired the way our government thinks they should be.

    Cameron at first really impressed me with his big society etc, but some very basic lessons have been forgotten in its imlementation. Everything from moral hazard to the lessons of the hare and the tortosie.

  39. 39
    Casual Observer says:

    It is only now that people are beginning to figure out what is really going on.

    The problem is that the propaganda has conditioned those who are in a position where they should be defending and looking after their relatives to be in a state where they do not. This has been normalized, socialized and rationalized fully in many cases.

    A lot of folk out there are running a part sociopath program in their day to day activities where any nagging doubts are generally disabled by assurance from a figure in authority that their actions and what is happening is fine and normal. They also mis-perceive situations where doing the right thing can harm their own or their immediate families survival instinct. Hostile actions are seen as being due to innocent incompetence etc.

    Hopefully they will wake up to this before they are forced to: The forced situation is when they themselves find they are in the dependent position with apparently uncaring relatives, and realize the state is intent on killing them.

    The only way of getting to that state is to isolate from the propaganda sources and influences which reinforce the false programming.

  40. 40
    Boris says:

    That’s one rose for each of the ladies I’ve impregnated.

  41. 41
    EU Watch says:

    This happened in Greece not so long ago and is not isolated:


    Currency controls like this are a hallmark of tyranny: May be across the EU fully soon.

    Banning cash transactions forces purchases to be electronic, which transfers control of your money away from you. It would probably be wise to minimize bank deposits now and convert savings into reliable cash and gold before access is denied.

  42. 42

    Sadly it really does resemble early 1930s european history repeating itself. Possibly caused by the rush for power, greed, egos etc.

    Once the storm has been weathered and people reflect legal action may begin just as it did back then. Bearing in mind it is not just the marginalised minorities (disabled, unemployed) but the families, and even the economists who forewarned our government that they were making big mistakes, including and especially on how they were using the profit motive and private comanies. (ideology is one thing but it must keep pace with societal and human evolution – times change).

    On the bright side it might just in time force an upping of the standards of our politicians in terms of life experience. Fewer career politicians and a more balanced government in terms of backgrounds.

  43. 43
    The man at the back with the awful jumper - yes you sir says:

    ‘Good evening, madam, this is Boris. I have a superinjunction in place, but you’re not allowed to tell anyone. Nor am I. Oh crikey! I’ve just told you! Whoops – silly Boris! Now look here – is your old man in? If not, give me your address, and let’s make Tory voters together. If you want some jolly old chocs or roses I can get one of my chaps to bring some round on expenses. The point is, I need to get a jolly move on, as there are a lot of fair maidens to get round. So I’ll be there in 5 minutes for a bit of wiff-waff, what!’

  44. 44
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Whor thats a nice rack
    I’ve a pearl necklace for you

  45. 45
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    What utter nonsense. No more so that giving or not giving the cash to you

    And in any case if benefits are provided to help pay for the costs of a child, for example, why is it wrong to stop that cash being spent on fags, vodka, smack, cannabis or a Sky Sports subscription?

  46. 46
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    You look like a nice young filly. May I post my election communication in your letterbox today?

  47. 47
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    And why shouldn’t they?We have had a long relationship with India and they add a lot to our economy and our history

  48. 48
    EU Watch says:


    The above wasn’t benefits, this is about money held by private citizens.

    What can be done with a government debit card can be just as easily done with a regular one.

    On the benefit point: I have no problem myself charging a benefit claimant ~10% on top of cost and exchanging contraband for food if they wish that.

    Eg: Bottle of Vodka = GBP 7.00: I would expect GBP 7.70 of goods in return. Eg. 18 Eggs (GBP 2.00), Pack Mushroom (GBP 1.00), 4 Pack Beans (GBP 2.00), you get the idea. GBP 15.00 worth expected if the claimant has access to a food bank.

    That works for me, and is the reason why such an idea is a very bad one.

  49. 49
    The Radiant Cherie says:

    gwwwmff mmmmph!

  50. 50
    Po a tick licence says:

    You’ll have a spring in your step all the way to the gallows

  51. 51
    Con Artists says:

    Look here, this is all very interesting and I think we studied it in a module of our Oxbridge PPE course but you plebs really need to learn your place.

    You plebs should concentrate on earning less, paying more tax and generally lowering your living standards.

    The LibLabCon elite govt will push forward with out priorities and what we believe in, namely:

    – gay marriage
    – letting in 5m Romanians and Bulgarians
    – letting in all the bancrupt Greek, Spanish and Italians
    – letting in all the other illegal fcukers from around the world
    – letting in unlimited numbers of Indians to study here
    – ditto Chinese
    – ditto Pakistanis
    – promoting Islam
    – destroying Christianity
    – protecting the human rights of all of the above
    – more EU
    – muzzeling the press
    – more EU
    – killing the indigenous population in hospital
    – raising tax’s
    – giving ourselves a 30% pay rise
    – increasing benefits
    – letting our mate’s in big business exploit tax loopholes legally
    – spend money on windmills that don’t work by increasing gas and electricity bills
    – shut down existing power stations
    – sell what’s left to any other country, preferably China or Russia or middle easterns, basically anybody that hates us
    – more EU
    – anything else that destroys the indigenous UK population that we’ve forgotten above.

    Pls vote for any of us, it doesn’t matter which, just as long as its not ukip as those pesky scoundrels have seen right through us and if they catch on, our troughing greedy snouts and agenda to destroy the UK will be laid bare, exposed, and we will be fcuked, but not before you plebs first. Toodle pips.

  52. 52
    Ian E says:

    After you …

  53. 53
    T'Old Fella says:

    I don’t know, he has quite a few pink roses in that bunch, maybe prepared either way

  54. 54
    fitz fitz says:

    … & that Old Vic chappie …

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