February 12th, 2013

Dave’s Personal Trainer To the Stars

A great little spot from Richard Kay this morning: the PM has received £7,500 worth of personal training from fitness guru Matt Roberts. Guido has been checking out what’s on offer, it turns out Roberts’ other clients include none other than Naomi Campbell, Mel C and John “David Ward” Galliano.

He promises “bespoke settings that represent the fitness and health industry equivalent of a fine dining restaurant or a beautiful boutique hotel”, and has clubs in Mayfair and Chelsea.

Just £150-a-session, but of course Dave gets it for free…


  1. 1
  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Dave is a ’boutique’ tw@..

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    How much is the advertisement worth?

  4. 4
    Grimy Miner says:

    Will it make him fit to be Prime Minister? If so, I am all for it

  5. 5
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    There has been a call out for the HOC carpenter to go the commons. The top bench, at the back, has just collapsed. Abbott and Watson were sat together.

  6. 6
    EU Funded Pro EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP.

  7. 7
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Yet another labour MP feigning sincereity. Mary Creagh, yet again, trying to score political points over the horse meat scandal.

    Could Mary Creagh tell us why Andy Burnham is still a shadow minister, when he actually precided over hundreds of deaths at Stafford Hospital.

    No one has died from eating horse meat.

    Labour hypocrites.

  8. 8
    Nevva Metta says:

    Why have you photoshopped a pair of weights over the c0cks?

  9. 9
    Health and Safety Update says:

    The carpenter cannot start until the slime left by Vaz is cleared up and Tony Blair quits trying to convince people he is Jesus. Tony: You do not know how to dovetail.

  10. 10
    NHS Watch says:

    No one has died yet. Some careful checking of the cancer stats may reveal all, however with the state run killing there will be significant noise in those figures which may distort the truth.

  11. 11
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Because Miliband and Balls didn’t want their faces to be shown.

  12. 12
    Popeye says:

    All declared I trust?

  13. 13
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Truth – a very rare commodity.
    Can you confirm that no horse meat ever appeared in food products when labour was in power?

  14. 14
    Pryce Watch says:

    Don’t think they are back just yet:


    Is she gonna make her SBE book promotion tonight, or will that have to be cancelled ? :-)

  15. 15
    Keith Vaz says:

    Sure. Very good thing to do that.

  16. 16
    Call me Dave says:

    Actually this is who ‘educated’ me …

  17. 17
    Jimmy says:

    Do they have a fitness for purpose programme?

  18. 18
    Panigua says:

    Drop and give me one Trillion

  19. 19
    hordes of immigrant invaders says:

    haha, too late, it’s our country now, in your face whiteboy

  20. 20
    NHS Watch says:

    The shelf life of those products is only about 3 years or so ?

    Unless there are some in a deep freeze somewhere which can be tested then likely we will never know for sure. If there was no testing being performed how could this be known ?

    The only confirmation would be to look at the economics: When did the demand for horse meat go up, and when did certain policies in the EU countries start to push horses towards meat.

    Educated guess: From the time of the credit crunch, mid 2007 onwards, it is a fairly safe bet that horse meat started to appear as beef.

  21. 21
    Panigua says:

    Dead weights?

  22. 22
    Mong Watch says:

    No: They have common purpose.

  23. 23
    damned impertinent questions says:

    |ts an expense innit and expenses should be free. I am entitled.

  24. 24
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    So are you saying that no testing was carried out while labour were in power?

  25. 25
    ? says:

    Is this a preview of the House the House event?

  26. 26
    Call me Dave says:


    I’ve been on the steroids SO WATCH THE F****** OUT YOU ****** ******* ********* OR ILL RIP YOUR ********* HEAD OFF

  27. 27
    damned impertinent questions says:

    Its utterly disgraceful People are dying in Tory hospitals when – as we all know – this should never happen. They should be leaving hospital fully cured and then living happy fulfilled and indefinite lives – just as they used to do in the socialist paradise under the wise leadership of Comrade Brown

  28. 28
    Dianne Abbot says:

    I exercise my jaw regularly.

  29. 29
    Call me Dave says:

    MY favourite exercise is the ‘pillow bite’

  30. 30
    NHS Watch says:

    That would explain the lack of balls then.

  31. 31
    NHS : Murdering B'Stards says:

    Same here. Helps keep them quiet.

  32. 32
    albacore says:

    What’s that – Dave being trained as fit as a fiddle
    To defend to the death every E U diddle?
    Seems to be more like he’s terminally punch-drunk
    Floating like a butterfly? That’s the Tories sunk

  33. 33
    Call me Dave says:

    I’ll be back.

  34. 34
    NHS Cognitive Blocks says:

    Anyone care to find out if those who the NHS dispatched were missing any organs after the bodies handed back to the families ?

    There is a very big market for transplant organs, and this small concern should be cleared up convincingly.

  35. 35
    Dave says:

    -or the “look back in anger”

  36. 36
    Call me Dave says:

    Hasta La Vista, Baby !

  37. 37
    local wind says:

    thank you for that Bunter…very theatrical

  38. 38
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Someone elighten me, please. If Dave is getting free personal fitness lessons, what’s in it for Matt Roberts?

    Nothing as far as I can see.

  39. 39
    Tw*tson is a big fat porker says:

    Twatson on Parliament channel, trying to stir up mischief regarding the horse meat fiasco.

    The fat tw8t looks like a pig, eats like a horse, and has the brain of a donkey.

    I suppose he is worried that the thousands of calories he eats daily is being contaminated by other shyte he puts in his parish bread-oven of a gob.

  40. 40
    NHS Watch says:

    Your question is one that should be asked.

    One suspects that testing occurred of UK meat, but perhaps not of meat imported from the EU.

    Part of the idea of the EU is that local inspection costs can be reduced as you should be able to rely on other countries to reliably do the testing as per EU regulations. So you can import safely.

    The relaxing of testing of EU imported meat would have happened under Labour, and horse meat would have started to illegally enter the food chain as beef round about the time of the credit crunch.

    There was an economic reason for the horse meat input, and a political reason for stopping UK Food Standards Agency testing.

    There will always be a small contamination of meat in practice, but this will be negligible. (People do lose fingers etc., more than one type of meat is processed in a plant is impossible to avoid cross contamination…).

    What has happened here is that EU states have knowingly sold one meat as another for profit. They have also not bothered to check if that meat is safe for human consumption: If they have, then this would have been done such that the safe meat was kept for domestic consumption and the dodgy sent for export.

    UK has been importing ‘beef’ at market price for beef which is in fact horse that is unsafe for human consumption. No checks here as this should have been checked in the export country under EU rules.

    I know of no one in France who would purchase R0manian horse meat, and for reasons we are seeing here. As a consumer, I would not purchase horse knowingly anyway, and certainly no meat sourced from the EU.

    NB: The labeling of food does not indicate it’s source but rather where it was packaged.

    Anyone who did not see this coming with the economic collapse in Europe is either blind, retarded or lying.

  41. 41
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    You are too soft on Watson

  42. 42
    Tw*tson is a big fat porker says:

    Sorry doctor, I’ll try harder next time! :)

  43. 43
    albacore says:

    I wonder what the stats are on cremation
    If Plod ever does an investigation
    Post mortems by the thousand will be needed
    Mortality norms were so far exceeded

  44. 44
    keredybretsa says:

    Dave becomes a freebie trougher! Nice one innit?

  45. 45
    local wind says:

    and followed up by the resident rodent flabbergas abbott …

  46. 46
    maggie the dog says:

    Who says he white

  47. 47
    maggie the dog says:

    As long as we don’t start eating dog i’ll be happy

  48. 48
    Scrapie Virus(sheep) says:

    Also,Romania banned “horse and carts” on their roads..

  49. 49
    john@loggerheads says:

    Shame that you don’t exercise your mind as well.

  50. 50
    Hang The B@stards says:

    We are all in this together !!

    But some of us have better bodies than others

  51. 51
    Sam Sung says:

    Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

  52. 52
    Sam Sung says:

    Can’t be great for his credibilty to have a flabby cun*t like Cameron as a client.

  53. 53
    Sam Sung says:

    Dave’s got a body to die for.

  54. 54
    D. Fatbbott (the taxi driver's friend) says:

    I’ll take them (free!!) though I obviously already keep myself in raunchy trim.

  55. 55
    T'Old Fella says:

    I’ve seen bigger knots on a piece cotton

  56. 56
    A W_G says:

    I wonder what he’s going to put that under when he submits an expenses claim for it

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    You know how to talk shite

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    You do need a doctor because your a Hunt

  59. 59
    El Sid says:


    A few sleb freebies gives Roberts something he can take to a media outlet to build his profile – he got the gig to do the Times’ post-Christmas workout supplements, trailed as “the fitness trainer of everyone from Tom Ford to the Prime Minister”. He then uses his media profile to make the real money, flogging gym kit and other tat with his name on.

  60. 60
    DC, PM says:

    It was free so I don’t need to claim for it. Mind you, as it was worth £7500, I will. The country can afford it now we’re paying down the debt. Don’t worry about the paper trail: as the heir to Blair I inherited a funny little buzzing fax machine. He called it “Fred the Shred”, said it’s like a confessional. All your documented sins are fed in and forgiven.

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