February 11th, 2013

UKIP Choose Speedwatch Candidate for Eastleigh

UKIP have chosen Diane James as their candidate in Eastleigh, a Surrey councillor and healthcare campaigner. After last night’s hustings she won almost 70% of the vote. Party sources are stressing to Guido that the fact she is currently a member of Community Speedwatch in rural Ewhurst is mere coincidence. See what they did there…


  1. 1
    Pope Rat-zinger says:

    I’m a very nazi man!

  2. 2
    Sleeping Policeman says:

    Has she got speed bumps?

  3. 3
    kimwrongill says:

    wtf is speedwatch?

  4. 4
    Mike Hunt says:

    Community Speedwatch?
    Is that those self-appointed nimbys that object to people in vehicles making noise in their rural idils?

    If it is they just get the two-fingered salute as I drive past.

  5. 5
    stating the Bleeding Obvious says:

  6. 6
    Casual Observer says:

    Classic. Vote UKIP !

  7. 7
    Play this on a loop in Eastleigh says:

  8. 8
    Craig says:

    better looking than the Tory slag!

  9. 9
  10. 10
    Paniagua says:

    Vote UKIP and send a big message to the UK Councillors of the EU

  11. 11
    Owin Jones says:

    Paranormal Activity, shootings, bomb attacks, robberies, all scary… But nothing is more terrifying than seeing 5 missed calls from Prime Minister David Cameron.

  12. 12
    John O'Farrell says:

    Vote for me!

  13. 13
    roundell says:

    i fear that if i hit him in the mouth, I might fall in

  14. 14
    Owin Jones says:

    Everything i like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.

  15. 15
    Cannibalism? says:

  16. 16
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    No point in achieving now, sponge off the state all your life and have no worries.

  17. 17
  18. 18
    Chris C11nt says:

    F’ucked if I know

  19. 19
    Andy Burnham says:

    About as funny as genocide.

  20. 20
    Welsh activist. says:

    Hoisted by their own petards, even if for only one day.

  21. 21
    Francis Report says:

    Soylent Green is people.

  22. 22
    Chris C11nt says:

    You might be, fatty.

  23. 23
    Well it's a thought says:

    So new blood is not for UKIP, they’ll get tarred with the same brush, going with someone who has turned politics into a profession, looks like it’s stay at home time when it comes to voting in my area, shame.

  24. 24
    Casual Observer says:

    The NUJ may have not yet realized that Common Purpose is the new Union.

  25. 25
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    This, from a man in connection with whom the expression, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!” cannot be regarded merely as hyperbole (unlike many of Fat Bastard’s pronouncements on other topics). Can’t make this shit up.

  26. 26
    Iv'e given up and stopped caring says:

    Who’ll miss them if they strike, I won’t do we get a day’s remission on not paying the telly tax

  27. 27
    pissed off voter says:

    nope, Watson eats ass

  28. 28
    A Donkey says:

    I’d rather be eaten than have Fatboy in his trunks sat on me.

  29. 29
    old git says:

    An excelent choice
    LibLabs must be seriously pissed off


  30. 30
    old git says:


  31. 31
    Paniagua says:

    Can the Grauniad also close that day as well please?

  32. 32
    Plato says:

    Farage has just bottled standing in a seat he has contested before. He knows UKIP are un-electable.

  33. 33
    old git says:

    EEHAW to know better

  34. 34
    Lord Stansted says:

    Another spastic web-site. Can’t these idiots lean not to put f—ging Mb-sized grapics on a single page. They shouldn’t be allowed a million-miles near a computer.

  35. 35
    Call me Dave says:

    In case anyone was wondering what marvellous causes we use your money for overseas, here is one such shining example


  36. 36
    Paniagua says:

    You have been told trillions of times not to exaggerate.

  37. 37
    Twat Watch says:

    You are still 8illy and I claim another five pounds

  38. 38
    Paniagua says:

    How else do you propose sending a message to the political elite then?

  39. 39
    Lord Stansted says:

    Not with idiot designers of this http://speed-watch.org as Party members.

  40. 40
    Twat Watch says:

    … kisses ass

  41. 41
    Hang The B@stards says:

    Good luck Dianne.

    May I behalf of the majority of voters in this land who are sick of being lied too and betrayed and being beaten into becoming ruled by Germany & France. wish you all the best of luck.

    I hope the good people in Eastleigh turn out in their droves to support you !

  42. 42
    Plato says:

    Farage reckons UKIP are currently very popular, and the Eastleigh by-election could be an excellent platform for them and him – their most well known figure by far. He could rip to pieces the recent shambles on the refrendum and the budget.

    Why hasn’t he got the b*lls to stand?

  43. 43
    Welsh activist. says:

    Farge not standing is tactical. If he stood you would get the usual “one man band”, are there no other candidates etc. I think it’s called keeping your powder dry untill something important comes along. 2014 EUSSR elections perhaps.

  44. 44
    Jimmy says:

    Is she planning to tell the people who voted for her that she’s joined UKIP?


    Bit sneaky that.

  45. 45
    Iv'e given up and stopped caring says:

    What’s up Jimmy postal voting gone wrong.

  46. 46
    Fatty Pang Wife Beater says:

    ‘tell the people who voted’

    Ah like Gordon did when he sneaked off in the middle of the night to sign something or other in Europe you mean.

  47. 47
    Panigua says:

    Labour must be worried if they are paying you £6.19 for an hours worth of posting.

  48. 48
    Casual Observer says:

    Well its one up on providing arms to genocidal regimes, or is it ?

  49. 49
    Grimy Miner says:


    She states in her register of interests that she is a member of UKIP, Jimmy. Isn’t that a good enough hint?

  50. 50
    Politicians are scum says:

    …and get Labour.

  51. 51
    Casual Observer says:

    Not really.

    Sneaky is killing patients on the NHS and telling everyone that it was the best healthcare in the world. Actually, that’s a crime against humanity.

  52. 52
    A Drunk Aardvark says:

    I did not have that choice.

  53. 53
    They don't write them like they used to says:

    Aahhh, The Barron Knights!

  54. 54
    Next-bandwagon-Tom says:

    Silly ass.

  55. 55
    NE Frontiersman says:

    That’s unfair: he left the Hitler Youth at least twenty years ago.

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    Scarlett? An imported Blair stooge who messed the service up no end.

  57. 57
  58. 58
    Casual Observer says:

    It is odd that the Conservative candidate Maria Hutchings appears to be the stereotype of UKIP:


  59. 59
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    Is that the tobacco baron from D Wing?

  60. 60
    That's Some Big-Ass Donkey! says:

    I’ve heard of big “asses,” a subject Tom Watson knows well, from the possession of, and state of being, one, but this is ridiculous:


  61. 61
    Pre-Spin Summary : Eastleigh says:

    Reason for by-election: Previous Lib Dem MP Chris Huhne guilty of perverting course of justice over collusion with wife taking speeding points.


    Lib Dems: Mike Thornton
    (Asleep at the wheel)
    Conservatives: Maria Hutchins
    (Motor mouth / anti-immigrant)
    Labour: John O’Farrell
    (Joke candidate)
    UKIP: Diana James
    (Member speed watch)

    Judging by voting pattern over past 20 years, there are some trends, but this time anything could happen.

    Will be fun to see what happens: 17 days to go…

  62. 62
    SleeplessInKirkaldy says:

    Be kind. The content of his pies is probably the most important issue to Tom at the moment

  63. 63
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Ѕnеаky іn thе wаy thаt dеclаrіng rеpеаtеdly thе аbоlіtіоn оf bооm аnd buѕt hаd оccurrеd іn thе lеаd up tо thе bіggеѕt buѕt іn hіѕtоry (аnd nоt tаlkіng аbоut Dоlly Pаrtоn hеrе.)

  64. 64
    as big a twat as Izzard says:

    “mps do a tough job without much thanks”

    Fuck me, only selected as the joke candidate and already he’s on the self-pity train.


  65. 65
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    If you have ever eaten salami, there is a very good chance you will have eaten donkey or Dobbin!

  66. 66
    albacore says:

    She looks a nice lady. If she were a plague rat
    She’d be less toxic than a LibLabCon fat cat
    Any Eastleigh voter would be blind as a bat
    With fewer active brain cells than a gormless gnat
    Deserving of a dirty great D on his hat
    To choose yet again some E U mafia twat

  67. 67
    Misternedderry says:

    And? there’d be no difference from what we have got now would there?

    If you want change, vote UKIP. If you want more of the same failed policies that we have been lumbered with for the last 40 years, vote liblabcon, it makes sod all difference to the policies you will be given.

  68. 68
    Jimmy says:

    So you find out after the election which party the candidate belongs to?

    So far we have a candidate embarrassed by her party (lemons) and a party (nasties) embarrassed by its candidate who appears to be no longer available for interviews.

    This will be fun.

  69. 69
    Jimmy says:

    Well losing Eastleigh would be a huge blow.

  70. 70
    Misternedderry says:

    Why the fuck should he, UKIP are more than one man. They have an excellent candidate and the good people of Eastleigh should vote for her if they want to tell the EU loving elite to fuck off.

  71. 71
    Paniagua says:

    Won’t it just

  72. 72
    Mrs Jack Dromey says:

    A bit like finding out the sex of a candidate after the all women short-list eh?

  73. 73
    Curly says:

    The original Scarlett Pimple..

  74. 74
    Welsh activist. says:

    Thumbs up, lol.

  75. 75
    Your local neighbourheood mosque gate keeper says:

    Salami likum?

  76. 76
    Your local neighbourheood mosque gate keeper says:

    be a devil; force yourself.

  77. 77
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    .. and only just AFTER being voted out of office too. He no longer had any authority to sign and his signature should be regarded as null and void and the UK not bound by it.

  78. 78
    The Sheikh Of Arabeeee says:

    I’d smash her back door in.

  79. 79
    Curly says:

    One of your better ones, that!

  80. 80
    Anarchists In Blazers says:

    “Maria Hutchings says that she would vote for Britain to leave the EU and would have voted against gay marriage. She also identifies as “pro-life” and says that she is not a ‘Tory toff’.”

    Sounds exactly like a Ukipper but is actually a sock puppet for the one party elite.

  81. 81
    Liz says:

    A driving licence is a privilege, not a right???!!!!! wtf are they on? If you’re going to use ‘soundbites’ (I know you can’t use soundbites on t’internet but you know what I mean) then at least make them accurate. If you have passed your test then a driving licence IS a right.

  82. 82
    Keith Peat says:

    Oh right. The biggest voting block, drivers & they select a candidate that gets perfectly safe ones prosecuted by Nimbys led by inexpert cops with kit costing all of us £5000 a pop! See http://bit.ly/MYsjt4 Eastleigh drivers take her name & vote anyone else.

  83. 83
    lojolondon says:

    Tom Watson admit that you heard about donkey meat in salami from Nigel Farage on QT – or come up with your own facts!

  84. 84
    Vicar of Bray says:

    Have they been selling donkey-burgers on the beach?

  85. 85
    Vicar of Bray says:

    Common Purpose, Bilderbergers, Bullingdon Club – why won’t they let me join?
    It’s class discrimination again.
    The Pope’s gone so I’ll have a word with my new governor. I wonder whether he’s a Mason?

  86. 86
    Nick Cleggo says:

    Nigel are you sure about this?

  87. 87
    The blessed maragret says:

    No thanks but its better (o shit) than the current tossers

  88. 88
    Cicero says:

    Plato surely you must know your history, change is a must for the human race

  89. 89
    George Galloway says:

    Well surely 500 postal votes from your address is better

  90. 90
    Norman Tebbit says:

    But the wankers wont

  91. 91
    JabbaTheCat says:

    What’s with the spastic in the XR3 wheelchair?

  92. 92
    JabbaTheCat says:

    Community Speedwatch sounds like Mary Whitehouse pontificating in a wheelchair…

  93. 93
    JabbaTheCat says:


  94. 94
    JabbaTheCat says:

    Apparently Farage has important things to do in Brussels, or something…


  95. 95
    Spartacus says:

    aint he the Scarlet that oversaw the shooting through the head seven times of an electrician?

    And got promoted for it . . .

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    Dont be such a pillock ! nobody with any sense will take any notice of Nige ! he is just a pub bore !

  97. 97
    Anonymous says:

    Can you explain how the miracles will start with ukip when they havent even got one MP ? it doesnt seem to occur to the numpties who drone on about ukip that they arent going to form a government this century !

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    I live in Eastleigh, I got the Lib Dems flyer through the door. It showed a graph of the parties and their percentage points but UKIP was totally missing and was not mentioned once. It had Labour, Conservative and Lib Dem percentages but no UKIP……just saying…..

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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