February 11th, 2013

Keith Vaz’s Curry House Calendar

Taking its place proudly on Guido’s desk this afternoon is the latest must-have stationery accessory for any Westminster type: the Keith Vaz calendar. Spotted in curry houses across Leicester, now fans of everyone’s favourite ambulance-chasing MP can swiftly find telephone numbers for the job centre, border agency and police. Demand is such that they’re giving them away…


  1. 1
    Welsh activist. says:

    Take it outside and burn it.

  2. 2
    Wanda Ringhands says:

    Does it have a phone number for “Immigration fixing” ?

    • 28
      Silk cushions are my forte says:

      Or advice on how to fiddle expenses?

      • 37

        “Need a passport in a hurry? Dial now!”

        “Need to avoid extradition? Call now!”

        “need someone racially slurred? Call this number!”

        “Need to ..aww the list is too long. Rarely has an MP had so many ‘investigations’ and remained in post. But you can Wiki it yourself.. Here.

        • 87
          Fishy says:

          One pound passports very very good

          One pound passports very very cheap

          • Anonymous says:

            one pound bar of gold very nice…
            who told the Queen to address os.borne as a Mr Nobdody.
            hope he has other jobs lined up. mandy does not forget.
            or is it all theatre we get under the illusion of freedom..
            about time freedom changed to duty
            feed the snake a
            round our neck the milk of duty and then live fearlessly. did you think our mother fed us milk for any other reason?

    • 29
      The man is a charlatan says:

      “Dear Keith… Just a quick note to thank you for all your help during the period leading up to last Wednesday’s vote. I wanted you to know how much I appreciated all your help. I trust that it will be appropriately rewarded!… With thanks and best wishes, Geoff.”

      Hoon to Vaz on Counter-Terrorism Bill

      • 45

        To be fair, we all got one of those.
        Gordon was so desperate he was promising to build airports for constituencies and promotions and new cars and quangos and all sorts of tax payer cash splurging.

        I got a new road linking the 2nd home with the motorway. Very convenient.

        Even better we all knew the 42 days would be defeated in the house of lords anyway. Which it was.

        • 270
          Anonymous says:

          Bill. Your reference to “tax payer cash splurging” leads me to wonder what is the source of the money to pay for these calendars.

  3. 3
    Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

    I believe Vaz has renamed Christmas Day, Monaco Day in honour of the goodies poured into his account each year by grateful constituents based everywhere except Leicester.

  4. 4
    The Stilton Eater says:

    Keith Vaz? His voice is so affected he makes Peter Mandelson sound normal.

  5. 5
    Casual Observer says:

    Would just love to hang one of them on my wall.

    • 8
      Col Nut says:

      I’d love to hang Keith Vaz on a wall.

      • 42
        8illy 8owden is the gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

        You are 8illy and I claim another five pounds

      • 69
        The savant 10.4 highway patrol says:

        Yeah but if you did that the wall would fall down

        Even if it was officially. Approved as. “Load bearing “…..

        • 264
          Anonymous says:

          3rd way, savant of sc with monastic .
          is life a game of bridge after all warren b and bill g practice a lot.
          david icke says the underlying model for mis.direct…

          problem, reaction, solution model…with each element being controlled by the visi.invisi one in the shadow.

          And what is the game of bridge..deal..i.e create the problem…bidding…i,e control by reaction by outstanding gameplay… play …i,e create such a masterly situation that victory is certain…score..i.e still double check the outcome as in the human sphere mistakes happen.

          so the english game of bridge is beng played across the globe with our hands tied..a futile attempt to create sc situation. where if we move then the radioactivity triggered would kill us…. a nonsense bit of fear mongering.

          knowledge being used to play the game is basic..grasped by a child intuitively.
          do we now the know the purpose of western education, now followed worldwide.
          knowledge matter not junk misdirect, inverted distorted and incomplete info and suggestion.

  6. 7
    Brent Fraser says:

    “…the latest must-have stationary accessory…”

    Well, it’s certainly not moving!

  7. 9
    Skorpian de Rooftrouser says:

    Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,Jail him,

    • 25
      Col Nut says:

      Gaol him gaol him gaol him gaol him….

      • 34
        Its my chappalti and I'll cry if I want to says:

        jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him jayel him

      • 71
        The savant 10.4 highway patrol says:

        Roget s Thesaurus. Says. ::

        Goal him. Goal him. Goal him

    • 215
      Anonymous says:

      Ask him about the bomb in a police van ! Well brushed under the carpet.

      • 245
        Casual Observer says:

        That was 1990 ?


        ‘In February 1990, he wrote in the Guard!an newspaper urging S@lman Rushd!e not to publish the book in paperback because “there is no such thing as absolute freedom of speech” and the book had already provoked a huge section of the Musl!m community.

        That month, he caused outrage when he suggested that an !RA bomb in Leicester may have been planted by the army.’

  8. 10
    Jimmy says:

    815 days.

    • 16
      Who'd have thought says:

      Lets wait a bit, until after the Euro elections, the Scottish referendum , Stafford hospital, uncle Tom Cobleys birthday, hell freezing over.

      • 86
        Jimmy says:

        Of course much can change in the interim, but I note that none of the possible game changing events you list involves some positive success by the Government

        I continue to be encouraged by the thought that the Cameron administration is now probably nearer its end than its beginning.

    • 33
      The Third Way doesn't work either says:

      Ah! Jimmy.

      You are too young to remember the sage words of Harold Wilson, aren’t you?

      • 83
        Labourunionsbbc we are one under the EU says:

        I wonder if he remembers the winter of discontent.

        • 84
          The late King Richard III says:

          Which one?

        • 114
          The Third Way doesn't work either says:

          Only selectively.

          • Jimmy says:

            I love how righties here all have the same talking points. I’ve lost count of the number here who claim to remember the three day week under Labour.

          • The Third Way doesn't work either says:

            Oh Jimmy. You are, as usual, so right.

            It was under Edward Heath as you so rightly remember. Of course he was powerless, in more than one sense, as all those right-wing miners under the leadership of the uber-fascist Arthur Scargill conspired to prevent coal getting to the power stations.

            Still, their fault, they brought their own Tory government down, didn’t they?

            But what I could never understand is how, with a left-wing government in place, they brought them down as well. It seemed as if they hated governments altogether…

            Anyway the milk snatcher sorted that out and it was if the whole nation decided that to be run by unions was a bad thing. The way nations behave irrationally to minor hardships such as loss of power, dead remaining unburied, wild-cat strikes, food shortages and the like is just unfathomable, isn’t it?

            Another beer?

          • Everybody out! says:

            There is no return for Jimmy from that!

        • 181
          William says:

          Or, as they say in Millets, “Now is the winter of our discount tents.”

  9. 11
    Hank the Cat says:

    It’s a bloody traversity that this vermin is walking the streets

    • 21
      Urban Fox says:


    • 36
      Tikka Chance on Me says:

      But he’s looking for the next publicity opportunity. Who knows where it might be?

      • 165
        New veggie taxpayer says:

        The next available Indian in Distress or trousers, whatever the cause you know you gotta call Keefbusters. No extra charge for solemn TV face and rather Empire posh Queens Inglish.

    • 38
      Keith Vaz says:

      Travesty darling

      • 111
        WoRaft says:

        Rule 34 says that somewhere out there is a Keith Vaz nudie calendar.

        Thank your stars you got the one where you only have to look at the face and not his oily belly glistening behind a strategically placed pile of pilau rice while he nibbles coyly on a poppadum.

  10. 17
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    I would like to remind everyone that we have a lot to be thankful for about the quality and integrity of so many people who were born in other places who have come to our shores to live and take part in our civic life. Britain would be a poorer place without them.

    Keith Vaz is not one who fits this description.

    • 30
      Robert Maxwell says:

      I agree with that wholeheartedly.

      • 31
        Asil Nadir says:


      • 64
        The Third Way doesn't work either says:

        There was Albert Einstein (but to be fair he did say: I must confess that the degree of their brutality and cowardice came as something of a surprise)

        There was Max Born, Isaiah Berlin, Nikolaus Pevsner, Jacob Bronowski, Georg Solti, David Bohm, Ernest Gellner, Aaron Klug, Melanie Klein, Michael Polanyi, Max Perutz, Walter Heitler, Sydney Brenner, Alexander Piatigorsky and many thousands more who have added to our prosperity and wellbeing that Labour have tried to destroy.

        There was also Karl Marx to the debit side, surprised nobody got that…

    • 52
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      I defy anyone to think of any MP who fits that criteria.

  11. 18
    Sir William Wade says:

    Rather a good idea, don’t you think?

    • 24
      The Third Way doesn't work either says:

      Suggest it could have been greatly improved though.

      It could have run until February 13th and just stopped there.

  12. 20
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    **** Stop Press ****

    Queen resigns.

    Mandelson anointed.

    • 110
      Blowing Whistles says:

      *** Stop Oppression ***

      Lamppost – a lawyer, a barrister and a judge every day.

      • 112
        The Third Way doesn't work either says:

        Not whilst there are still politicians breathing.

        • 122
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Simple solution lamppost them all. They all talk twisted rhetoric and hot air at the best of times. Cognitive Narcissistic Dissonace suffering ‘talk down to others’ and ‘preach to the masses the opposite of what they do’ – heads up their Rsoles.

          • The Third Way doesn't work either says:


          • Catty Comment (Ms) says:

            with added horse meat?

          • Anonymous says:

            3rd way…
            all situations have a triangular component.
            a lattitude and a longitude.
            ofcourse it is possible to get to any point…just need to know the co.ordinates and then have the scientific knowlede and technological means.

  13. 23
    Labour=Waste says:

    Vaz gets Cricked over dodgy money

  14. 26
    Linda Voo says:

    Just in case the curry is nowhere near oily or distasteful enough.

  15. 40
    A real new dawn says:

    Instead of Tony for Pope, why not Tony in Sinn Fein ?

    • 46
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      He would have been sent to the gallows.

    • 47
      Gods Chosen One says:

      Look at me Gordon, you wanker – top of the world! If you kiss my ring I’ll make you a Euro Minister.

      • 124
        Blowing Whistles says:

        I bet you’ve both kissed each others rings already – and was mandy taking photos at the time?

    • 50

      I bet he’s working the room right now.

      hi,hi..look..just wanted to introduce myself..Tony,,Antonius actually..That does have a good ring to it? Pope Anthonius I.
      Listen, Cardinal..if you’re ever thinking that the Sistine Chapel needs enlargement..well..I’m happy to make a donation..from my personal funds..all above board…just have a little ponder about it..

      Pope Anthonius I.. yes..that does sound good..

      • 82
        The savant 10.4 highway patrol says:

        Habemus. Papam says:

        No need for a cardinals’. conclave or other time and money wasting ceremonials.

        It’s all done and dusted .

        If he loses the. Parliamentary. Elections in two weeks. Our boy. Silvio will. Console himself with the papacy …… AlwAys on the basis of course that the position guarantees. Him. Judicial. Immunity. For the duration.

  16. 44
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Who has paid for these calendars? I’ll bet it’s not Vaz. What an odious little creep he is.

  17. 49
    Sun Reader says:

    So, are they going to be giving those away free with Sun on Sunday or what ?

  18. 53
    Whilst on subject of a$$holes says:

    No news today (Monday), so not that early in the week ?

    Expect something tomorrow ? (Like a resignation.)

  19. 55
    Anonymous says:

    It ia amazing how much of an MPs re-election costs can be paid by the taxpayer – no one else will pay for it!

    Not only do they have £10,000 a year (+/-) for publicity (aka self-promotion, especially near to elections when ones self or friends are up for the vote), but also, it seems, for permanent desk top acessories.

    Corrupt, or what?

    • 56
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      I don’t think they actually put their hands in their pockets to pay for anything. It’s all claimed on expenses. Little wonder so many of them are so keen to get into politics. They’ll never get such a lucrative job in any other field of work.

    • 126
      Blowing Whistles says:

      It’s the Narcissistic way – Blair started it all.

  20. 57
    A4E says:

    We’ve been hired to find a new Pope

  21. 62
    Ed Balls(Chancellor Of The Exchequer Designate) says:

    This is a direct result of the Vatican offloading gold today.

    1,647.20 -19.70 -1.18%

    This makes Gordon Brown’s sale look like a drop in the ocean.

    I understand that there will be more to follow tomorrow.

  22. 65
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Not a single mention of Cameron’s EU budget victory on the BBC 6 o’clock news.
    The BBC so blatantly left.

    • 153
      Pundit too too. says:

      This morning BBC radio 4 stated that the RSPCA told them that horses were illegally entering Britain from Ireland for use in the food chain, and had been for the last 10 years. By lunchtime the BBC changed their message from 10 years to 3 years. Such blatent lying is not even bias. What will the BBC not do to protect their left wing Labour fellow travellers.

    • 195
      for god sakes waken up says:

      The UK increasing its contributions is a victory?

  23. 73
    Red Egg Millitit.....oh nooooo says:

    Is that THE Keith Vaz?? ….. no dishonesty or corruption going on there !!

  24. 74
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Is there a phone number on the calendar for large amounts of dodgy cash movement advice.

    • 172
      New veggie taxpayer says:

      See all.ah`s international shit money transfer services, branches most London boroughs, northern towns, all parts Leicester.

  25. 78
    Third Secret of Fat!ma says:

    Good Reuters article, but the comments section worth checking:


  26. 79
    rebekah aka nellnewman says:

    +++Sigh+++ I suppose we footed the bill to print that thing!!

  27. 80
    Owin Jones says:

    Welcome Alistair Darling to twitter. Got to be worth following him at ‏@TogetherDarling.

  28. 81
    Labourunionsbbc we are one under the EU says:

    The sleeze, or greeze, of this slime ball is one of the reasons that I voted last time, in the hope that I would be rid of the likes of this slippery, grasping, arrogant pig.

    Much to my dismay he’s still around, and I got Yeo to boot.

  29. 88
    Winnie the Pooh says:

    Looks like the happy clappers had a nice day out.

    • 90

      Its sweet that nursery nurses and primary school teacher’s assistants can find an interest in politics.

      • 93
        Ed Millitwat says:

        The weeks on the buth go wound and wound
        Wound and wound
        Wound and wound
        The weeks on the buth go wound and wound
        All day long

        • 94
          Ed Millitwat says:

          After elocwushun lessons.

          The weels on the buth go wound and wound
          Wound and wound
          Wound and wound
          The weels on the buth go wound and wound
          All day long

    • 127
      Your Friendly Neighbourhood "Everybody, Sing Along!" Service says:

      Probably wasn’t such a good idea to start with this one then, was it?

  30. 89
    Fishy says:

    Slurp slurp

  31. 91
    NelsonsGoodeye says:

    How many of his constituents will be able to read it if it’s written in English?

  32. 97
    E says:

    ^ Really poor :(

  33. 98
    Operation Crossbow says:

    More bollocks from the BBC over the care package. The BBC gleefully reports Labour slagging it off, so of course what did Labour do in 13 years? Nothing, just like Labour did nothing about pensions (other than the one eyed cretin robbing them of course).

    So my question to Labour would be “so if you win the next election will you over tun the current Government plans, yes or no?”

    The BBC of course fails to ask these questions, just as the BBC fails to ask why in 13 years Labour failed to regulate on processed foods etc.

    • 101
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Labour under Miliband are incapable of making a decision. Labour are a laughing stock, with no policies, and no ideas. Labour are a party of fools.

      • 133
        Labourunionsbbc we are one under the EU says:

        That’s because the ‘big idea’ of labour – i.e. socialism – which all the little ideas stem from has faild dismaly in the 20th century, and they know it.

    • 144
      Fishy says:

      Have the BBC reported on Cameron’s excellent statement to the Commons today?

      Have they challenged Muddleband on why Labour voted for a cut to the EU budget in the Commons but his MEP’s are free to vote against?

      • 197
        for god sakes waken up says:

        Paying more to the EU is excellent?
        What are you, one of those gullible eurosceptics like Redwood?

  34. 100
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Channel 4 News Bus Pass Routine.
    First buss pass routine of the year. Well done Jon Snow you hypocritical bag of wind. If you are rich, as you again admitted tonight, then why not cut you card into little pieces and throw it away.
    Snow you really are an arsewipe.
    Channel 4 News, the news channel that cannot be taken seriously.

    • 141
      Operation Crossbow says:

      Snow has it so he can get it out and wave it around. He of course is not forced to have a bus pass, but being a typical cuunt left winger he thinks he should have one.

      • 250
        Catty Comment (Ms) says:

        Anyone know when it was last (if ever!) used? I suspect he is not prone to taking the bus anywhere.

  35. 102
    EU Funded Pro EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

    • 115
      Militwat says:

      And get labour

      • 160
        Con Artists says:

        a vote for LibLabCon is a vote for the EU and more troughing lying MPs with their greedy snouts in the trough.

        Blue Labour, red cons, whatever you call it the cons have well and truly lost the plot, they are a dinosaur party, corrupt to the core, blue socialists…

        No thank you, never, ever again.

      • 306
        LabLibCon, three wings of one party says:

        Ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah really scary stuff, Miliband, Cameron, Clegg, three peas in a Fabian pod.

        The only difference between them is management style, not philosophy. On that they are all agreed, it’s more tax and spend, command and control, rigged markets, constant state led interference in daily lives, more squandering money around the world and never, ever, even considering leaving the EU.

  36. 103
    jaded48 says:

    The money was just resting in his account.

  37. 104
    Stafford Hospital: The Envy of the World, One Needless Death at a Time says:

    How can Bill Quango win the caption competition? As an MP, albeit a fictional one, he should be excluded.

    • 121
      The Third Way doesn't work either says:

      He sent a brown envelope in the time honoured manner. What is wrong with enterprise?

      • 259
        Anonymous says:

        3rd way…your predictive programming is wrong….see comment above re lattitude and longitude of life.
        path to the left from the mother…path to the right from the father. Peace with the left facing mother and guidance from the right facing father create the environment we need to follow our life purpose …the 3rd path.
        ever tried it?

        • 267
          The Third Way doesn't work either says:

          Now. Let me see. This is a crafty piece of eastern mysticism, isn’t it?

          I can tell that as there is nothing which refers to lattitude (sic) and longitude above. You see, I may look stupid but underneath that baleful exterior beats a brain of lightly boiled cabbage.

          By sheer process of elimination to rival the intensity of Omar Khayyám,, I deduce you must be Keith Vaz and I claim my total expenses of £173,937.

    • 132
      The Blind Man, to his deaf daughter, says:

      Guido looks for scoops from Westminster; “Bill Quango” is actually a REAL (albeit pseudonymous, of course) MP who occasionally provides one. It’s called “gratitude.” Took me awhile, but then the scales fell from my eyes (metaphorically, you understand…).

      A nod’s as good as a wink, guv…

      • 143
        The Third Way doesn't work either says:

        Bill Quango MP is actually the Duke of Edinburgh.

        Don’t you know anything?

        • 251
          Free advertising is us says:

          H’achewerly, he is the webmaster at Capitalists@Work blog.

          Go have a read, you might learn something.

          • The Third Way doesn't work either says:

            Nah! I think there must be more than one Bill Quango MP.

            This one…(please complete ludicrous claim in time honoured manner etc..)

  38. 105
    Can't beat a ruby says:

    You can’t beat a good curry. Chicken dopiaza, sag aloo, pilau rice, mint sauce, tarka daal, naan. Top nosh.

  39. 106
    Keith Spaz says:

    Any more grieving 14 year old girls I can put my arm around?

  40. 108
    VERITAS says:

    Who payed for them? if not Vaz or the taxpayer then why?

  41. 109
    Voice in my head says:

    Vatican to Tony. Send in your CV quickly. You can have the Blairmobile too.

    • 119
      Popes-r-us says:

      I think this is unfair. I have to give a months notice to my employer how come he can only give two weeks?

      • 129
        God says:

        I don’t give any notice.

        • 145
          (I don't need no doctor) says:

          …………….but I notice everything.

        • 202
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Mother Nature – beats you EVERY TIME buster.

          • Anonymous says:

            mother’s present us with our karmic duty. when we don’t it is vicious…as personified by the mother of the natural world. She so possessive she wants it all….it is desire of the roots to travel wide and far.
            No one remain untouched. Mother is the shadow in our heart…so lets be peaceful with her…i.e the world we live in. But it needs to be in harmony with us too, for mother or no mother the soul, our essence is our and is for no one else in the normal definition of the world.
            Do your duty to the world of the feminised brain that has now ruled us for the past 7000 years.
            there are 6 layers of gods above mother nature…i.e god representing planet earth. and the source that cannot be known beyond. mother represents the brutal world of the senses…the animal kingdom…it is ethic free. We are guided by our values…..which may be earthly, astral or celestial. All action represent our values or our weakness in sticking to what we know is right.
            so there is natural justice which is the outcome of our cummulated karma. But then duty to any of the more senior god lightens the burden…please them..by following their guidanace.

  42. 116
    Vaz says:

    I can assure you that the 1/2 kilo of Lamb for £8.45 in your local Asia n restaurant is 100% kosher

  43. 120
    today's food scare says:

    Potatoes contain traces of eyes

  44. 125
    E Harmony says:

    A calender is about as near Vaz will get to a date

  45. 128
    Accuracy counts says:

    60% horse-meat, every time. Must have been carefully calculated.

  46. 130
    not a machine says:

    I havent posted for some time , as er been getting on with a few things and wont be doing much blogging for some time ….

    Just had to post though , on His holyiness Pope Benedicts resignation , On sunday I had been reading his wonderful book Jesus of Nazereth and the chapter on the beatitudes , it is a book that has made me think greatly about a number of things I had always assumed about my faith , indeed that book has been a loving companion for some time now and I feel no shame to have had tears in my eyes on the bus home , as the grace of my faith shone out from its pages .
    Some will perhaps focus on how he dealt with the abuse scandals , or his quiet manner , but for me I will always pray for his blessing for bringing such beautiful and thoughtful words to a time when the church was under sevear attack . A truly wonderful man of god ,in his intelligent work and prayer whose work will go onto resonate not only unto the gentiles , but to families ,all over the world who have not understood the saviour Jesus christ .
    I weep with thanks , for such a wonderful ministry full of grace and light , to see christ so much better and consider our thoughts .

    The lord has his own ways and times , but it has taken me 10yrs of trying to understand the faith , before the beauty of his book jesus of Nazereth , struck me so very deeply . I perhaps would like to think it was a book that made me clever by having all the answers … not so .. such people will only see the point score and not the presence in his book , when you see the presence you will only have more questions ……….. but with a more loving attitude .

    • 146
      Not Blowing Whistles says:

      I think it fair to say that Benedict XVI must hold some sort of record for being the most quoted out of context by the popular media pontiff.

      This is not unnoticed by many, and reveals his and the Churches surprising enemies in many quarters.

      His writings are very much worth reading, as they are truly insightful.

      Would encourage anyone who is so inclined to read the full texts of his Christmas addresses to the curia and compare with what was reported in the MSM. Other than gaining some very interesting insight into Christian thought and meaning, the art of negative spin by out of context quoting is very clearly laid bare by the majority of publications.

      • 161
        Jaded Jean says:

        The Old Fool (as are most Catholics)…was another Catholic “J” apologist. Just another useful idiot.

        How clever were THEY in conceiving a competitor religion (which was really only conceived to get the Romans off their backs) that demanded that their brightest and best progeny, via the CATHOLIC religion, vow a life of celibacy to God…how dumb(ed down) is that?

        Always remember, Jesus was a “J” activist/anarchist. Their are many of them running around today.

        Do you know who they are?

        • 255
          Anonymous says:

          all abrahamic religions are man made .. but designed to divide.
          It designers operate at genius level but.
          where did they their deep knowledge of reality come from…both higher and lower.
          They know it all. so respect.
          but folks in essence we are only a zero or a one…synergistically one plus one equal eleven but one and zero become 10…so not much behind…..however there can only be a single one. any number above the zero will be brought down to its knees by the one…slowly effortless….the long game of the globerrati.
          be a zero like a particle of dust. for it is invincible.
          do you how many billions we inhale everyday…strangely we need ‘em. so us as a one and say inhalation of nine particles of dust synergistically make us a
          billionaire. Upping our value may be much easeir than the forces which flatten our imagination.

          we have been had.

    • 148
      Tay King-dePisse, serious for once, says:

      I’m reminded of the play Inherit The Wind, at the end of which the William Jennings Bryan character dies; the H.L. Mencken character says something to the Clarence Darrow character to the effect that the religioso “Bryan” got cheated out of his eternal reward by the fact of there not being one. “Darrow,” an atheist who was nonetheless a friend of “Bryan’s,” says to the effect of, At least he believed in something, whereas you, “Mencken,” don’t believe in anything, and I know what kind of person I’d rather call a friend, and it ain’t a cynic like you.

      Now, the only trouble I have with “Darrow’s” analysis is that for some people, their own belief isn’t enough, and they try to force it upon others. That’s when the shit starts. If you are comforted, NAM, who am I to gainsay your belief? The only trouble is that, for most of the folks on this blog, and in general, the only thing they believe in, is that plaque in the pub which says “Everyone needs to believe something– I believe I’ll order another!” Not sure I prefer either one– the non-believer, or the True Believer. I’m working on being a “Darrow,” I suppose.

      • 256
        Anonymous says:

        nah…we all have a belief system…where do our values come from then?
        point is we could all know more…ourselves…as some great man said know thyself.
        with all the best…

        our belief system … determines our every action. all actions result in a cummulated outcome… it is all rather scientific actually.

        our minds are not designed to cope with the many dimensions of us that we live thru..so intuition is our friend… but the pollution of desires that distracts and nullify us do need to controlled … or they under the pretence of the being a friend (of pleasure being pain sooner or later.

        all reality is scientific. just be a number 7 at both levels of the heart..of base desires and higher aspirations. channel no. 7 appeals to the base.

        • 260
          Anonymous says:

          hey..remember underpants beckham and no. 7.
          the world is scientific but where did this ancient knowledge of science of the man come from.

          the cheeky ones…have designed the language of the globe.. so that ma…our internal energy of base desires…of earthly abundance ..is uttered as part of the word man…and n..represents the internal energy of no.

          so we are locked in the triangle of wanting to be a unified one….but defeated internally by the mind meaning one thing the body being unsupportive as a result of the inverted energy it generates.

          can a inner conflict ever give us instant unity…no….but essential for learning…the problem with the english language is that it is designed to split the energy of the mind from the energy of the body…our emotional energy.

          so we struggle as we are severely disabled at starting point in a game of rugby with hands tied behind our backs… no wonder it is all war, war…screaming and kicking.

    • 155
      Pundit too too. says:

      Did the church sever it ear to the public then?

  47. 131
    The World Of Shitverts says:

  48. 134
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Whitehouse Consultancy are pleased to announce the appointment of Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger as of 1 March 2013.

    Jo brings to our group an extensive experience in IR and the Afterlife, in which he has the highest level of contact, and a whole Mass of other related knowledge.

    He is a keen pianist, encyclicalist and downsizer.

    Demand is going to be very high for his services so we recommend you book early.

    For those wanting indulgences, payment is required in advance and is non-returnable.

    • 156
      Pope Ratzinger says:

      It used to be that I love my computer because all my friends are in there.
      No in the winter of my discontent I love the afterlife as all my friends are there.

      • 159
        The Third Way doesn't work either says:

        Did they all go upstairs or down? I have bought an asbestos suitcase as a precaution…

  49. 138
  50. 139
    Operation Crossbow says:

    For fucks sake Fawkes stop modding B@rc1ays.

    • 149
      Casual Observer says:

      Just refer to them as B’Clays, or Mong Bank 2. (Mong Bank 1 = R.B.S., Mong Bank 3 = Ll0yds, and Coca!ne-Bank is the other one specializing in Mex!can talcum powder deposits: The only one with any real collateral).

      • 166
        The Third Way doesn't work either says:

        HSBC were way cleverer than the rest and especially the Midland that they took over in broken state which accounts for the greater majority of their UK high street presence. Not blameless but spread their risk around the globe and especially with an eye to China.

      • 167
        The Third Way doesn't work either says:

        ΗЅВC wеrе way clеvеrеr than thе rеѕt and еѕpеcіally thе Mіdland that thеy took ovеr іn brokеn ѕtatе whіch accountѕ for thе grеatеr majorіty of thеіr UK hіgh ѕtrееt prеѕеncе. Not blamеlеѕѕ but ѕprеad thеіr rіѕk around thе globе and еѕpеcіally wіth an еyе to Chіna.

        • 223
          Casual Observer says:

          With that lot it is all about Sw!re, and they are not new comers to the narco trade: They practically invented it. However, having charl!e and br0wn in the vaults gives them more real collateral than the other jokers in the UK pack. ;-)

          The Midland Bank should not squeezed their third world debtors so hard, and perhaps they overlooked the Monroe doctrine when lending to LATAM.

          Br@zil’s 1987 moratorium in response to Volker’s rate rises did fatal damage to Midland, and hurt the IMF also. The US came fairly close to losing economic control of the South American continent period.


          Interesting read, particularly the Vatican’s role in events.

          The knock on from these defaults was not properly fixed until the 1989 when Brady bonds were issued to settle sovereign debt obligations, and Br@zil created the modern Real (BRL) in 1994.

          Good example of how a heavily indebted country can sort it’s affairs out if it has it’s own sovereignty and a good economic plan. (Nudge to Spa!n, Greece, !reland and others mired in the EUSSR nu-Soviet Bloc)

      • 210
        Blowing Whistles says:

        I watched Panordrama tonight too. Very interesting indeed.

      • 221
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Remember Bricklayers had an old Canadian duffer in Gaff prone Matthew Barrett – spear us another incarneyation!

        • 227
          Casual Observer says:

          I shall check out on iPlayer later – thank you for the heads up.

          For Canadian banking: Check out C!BC, Enr0n, FirstCaribbean Bank

          C!BC: Enabled Enr0n. They were the only Canadian bank to pay a fine, and got slapped down by Barr!ck Gold for selling dodgy MBS (government forced them to refund), and have since been pushed down the path of:

          Investment –> Wholesale –> Retail banking.
          (This is being done I think with Ll0yds at present, but is pattern for decoupling Investment banking and destroying, leaving a hopefully viable retail operation behind)

          NB: The other Canadian banks should have paid fines, but got away with not paying. (!?!)

          You can guess what the Caribbean operation is all about: Quite transparent holding structure if you look into it, obviously pushed through a London branch.

          C!BC happen to be largest mortgage writer in Canada as well.

          Interesting what you can find digging around.

          A confuser I noticed was Desjard!ns being used for blatant money laundering a few years back. Lots of junk mail asking to push money through their accounts specifically for a % cut. Desjard!ns have ops in Florida but based mainly Quebec.

          The banking system over there is far from as clean as it likes to make out.

  51. 150

    The Keith Vaz syndrome is a cross multi party across the board phenomenon of pointing fingers at all and sundry in and out of parliament only and if and only when not busy fiddling parliamentary expenses. (humour ; no offense intended, appreciated or condoned ! ) Courtesy Cherrys Inc. Glasgow Ltd.(the hon. Political wagon)

  52. 154
    Spaz Watch: Political Broadcast says:

    NB: Message starts at about 1 min:

  53. 157
    Keith Vaz - Enemy of the State says:

    Rushdie affair

    Shortly after being elected in 1989, Vaz led a march of thousands of Muslims in Leicester calling for Salman Rushdie’s book The Satanic Verses to be banned.


    • 185
      Point of information says:

      BBC have some detail:


      ‘He ( VAZ ) has been vocal on other matters too. In 1989, he accused Mrs Thatcher’s government of a “conspiracy with muggers and rap!sts” because it had failed to boost police numbers in Leicester.

      That same year, Mr Vaz was active in protests against Salm@n Rushd!e’s Satanic Verses book.

      However, he came in for criticism when it emerged that he was leading anti-Rushdie marches one week only to telephone the author to sympathise the next.’

  54. 158
    Anonymous says:


    Gordon Brown to automatically be sworn in as the next Pope. Apparently this was agreed when they last met and all other candidates have agreed to withdraw.

  55. 162
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    The House of Commons has just announced that 100% horsemeat has been found in the Speaker’s wife.

    Fortunately it is all concentrated in one elongated area and the London Fire Brigade are currently assisting in pulling it out.

    More news as it comes.

  56. 163
    Only in Britain says:

    Just imagine the fuss if a baby had bitten the paw off a fox

    • 173
      The Third Way doesn't work either says:

      Mong citizens who have mong parliamentarians and mong local government and mong police and mong educationalists and mong judges and mong lawyers and a mong national broadcaster and mong bankers and mong industrialists who all think the most mong thoughts possible and deliver mong results and drink mong beer and eat mong food and have mong transport systems with mong quality values together with mong ethics. Combine that with disastrous prices paid with mong money and you have the beginnings of an outline of Britain. Most of the rest is just great.

    • 175
      Jeremy Vinyl says:

      Kill all the foxes and urban babies. Deep-fry the resultant rat-explosion in Col. Saunders secret recipe of thirty-seven herbs and spices and feed them back to the parents. Repeat cycle as required.

    • 176
      Adam Werrity says:


  57. 168
    it's later than you think says:

    it is a very poor example. The least improvement would be to make the weakly positioned Big Ben very much bigger

  58. 170
    Ever heard a seagull on acid? says:

  59. 174
    Gonk says:

    I’d place a small wager that he hasn’t paid the printer yet.

  60. 177
    Joe Ratzinger says:

    I’m stepping down to spend more time with my boys.

  61. 179
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    Today’s not a day for soundbites, but I can feel the hand of history on my shoulder and I’m willing to be Pope and President of the EU simultaneously.

  62. 180
    Joe Ratzinger says:

    Boys boys boys! I’m looking for a good time!

  63. 183
    Saffron says:

    Well now to todays news,a rather mixed bunch of it.
    The Barst-ward lot keks adripping with news of rat-slingers admission that he is not up to the job and we pay a fee to watch this crap.
    Vazeline guy is shady you don,t say.
    Cleggover is on the fags or is he not.
    Cleggover and his mate Vinnie are talking to the LIARBOUR lot about after the next election.
    Lembitio is involved in a plot to get rid of Cleggover.
    The Horse/Donkey/Pork scandal is nothing to be afraid of,for chr–ts sake pull the other one,if it says beef on the label ,IT SHOULD BE BEEF.
    Once again I smell attempted cover up from unaccountable organisations.
    Cammoron’s achievements in reducing the EUSSR budget,what a load of bollicks,in fact we are going to pay more according to Farage and I know who I would prefer to believe rather than tosser wavy davy pr personified.

    • 187
      Camoron is worse than Brown. No ifs, no buts. He is. End of. says:

      It’s slightly worse than that – they EU budget’s going to be reduced by 0.3pc (except it won’t be, because their accounts are, well, junk). However, every country’s contribution to the EU budget will go down, too. Every country’s contribution except for one. And that country’s contribution is going to go up, by half a billion pounds a year.

      Can you guess which country it is yet?

      Camoron: the biggest fucking c*nt in this history of c*nts. And this thick c*nt is going to ‘renegotiate’ our EU membership..

      • 194
        Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

        You seem to have wind, dear? There are several truths to be learned here:
        1) Avoid meat, at all cost.
        2) Avoid the “services” of banks, at all cost.
        3) Avoid tinkling your hard-earned money into the bottomless bed-pan, at all cost.
        4) Always look backwards, if possible.

        • 198
          Anonymous says:

          Dream yourself away

          • A flower says:

            I seem to be rather more planted in reality than you, dear.

          • Give The Irish back to The Oirish says:

            Give the guy a break, FFS. His only intention in life is to be a pointless blogger. Guido pays him a couple of hundred Euros to fill this space up with crap every day.
            To be honest, I think he deserves a raise.

    • 217
      Blowing Whistles says:

      A bit of rope for CH4 News’ Crick (not the buss pass boy) – In an unguarded ripost to Crick asking Cleggy about an apology over Huhne …

      Cleggy started saying – It’s a PRIVATE matter …. NOT IT AINT CLEGGY – It is a matter of “PUBLIC CONTROVERSY”.

      But there we had it – Cleggy believes that he and his acolytes live in a private world beyond the simple reach of us mere members of the public. Thanks for that quote Crick – will be using that one in future.

  64. 188
    The legacy of Blair and Brown says:

    So now we hear 5 more NHS trusts are to be investigated. Labour’s legacy being exposed, one death at a time.

    • 201
      Andy Bumhum says:

    • 207
      albacore says:

      Don’t say it’s Plod doing the investigating
      Surely that would be far too intimidating
      It’s only mass murders calling out to be solved
      Why on earth would the police need to get involved?

  65. 190
    • 193
      Alyingstare Campbell says:

      We don’t do religion.

    • 206
      Casual Observer says:

      Tied in with X Black -> Lord Wei : Fishy as hell.

      We know that Camoron is essentially Common Purpose, Wei was the previous big society ‘Ts@r’.


      Common Purpose all over, and thankfully not too successful:

      ‘The Twittersphere buzzed with guffaws when the young peer’s maiden speech last week compared big society with a “coral reef” where the fish of “the local citizen groups extend, vivify and shape this landscape”.’

      No wonder the younger generation are totally messed up. If they are being programmed / encouraged to draw those kind of similes their brains will be damaged.

      Or maybe they are knowingly just taking the p!ss for profit.


      ‘Big society can be pictured as a scene from the steppes of Asia. A veritable cornucopia of equine herds, ranging from the anarchic Przewalskis to the majestic Arabians. Each community of horses interact harmoniously, and work to temper the wild, and support the willing. The mild cantor of society trots progressively, the bit of tolerance it’s only stay.’

      - Until someone shoots them and serves them up as beef in UK supermarkets.

  66. 192
  67. 203
    Pure Drivelle says:

    The comments on this site are drivël, aren’t they, Steve?

  68. 204
    Pure Driv-elle says:

    He doesn’t like the truth being typed, does he?

  69. 213
    old SHEP says:

    Polar bear seen in Dutch animal park:

  70. 216
    Blowing Whistles says:

    *** Stop Press – Food News ***

    So far we’ve only been told that there is / may / might / could be more news to come

    So – NOT a SAUSAGE about what’s been going into the SAUSAGES then …. one does wonder?

    • 220
      old SHEP says:

      All rather embarrassing, you would think with the amount of bureaucracy and form filling within the EU they would at least manage to determine the DNA of a species, cock-up on the ear tag Front?. Your future is safe in our hands.

    • 225
      Meat IS Murder says:

      The whole family had a giggle about this over Sunday lunch, yesterday. We’re all vegetarians and feeling rather smug at the mo.
      Mum stirred the veggie chicken soup to check for runners or, indeed, riders and Dad poked at his veggie pork chop to see if it “whinnied”.
      Then we all trotted/cantered into the TV room to watch Engerland THRASH Oirland in some silly game.

      • 229
        old SHEP says:

        Wouldn’t feel too smug about it, what do your Brussels sprouts really contain?.

      • 230
        Casual Observer says:

        I share your smugness, but only worry that what is coming out of the packet is either not as nutritious as it should be, or is perhaps a GM Triffid.

        The revolution will start when a revelation is made with respect to either mushroom or frozen stir fry.

        Horse DNA in runner beans I would not put past M0nsanto.

        (Wheat I know is screwed up after I had to give that up a couple of years back)

  71. 228
    FSA says:

    Is Vazeline calling for DNA checks for all ‘beef’, ‘lamb’ and ‘chicken’ in curry houses and takeaways?

  72. 241
    Vazoline says:

    I’m as slippery as fuck – not that I would know what that means! But I learnt it from Tone. And Prez. And Kinnock. And Camobile. And Cherrix. And hatpot. NAd ll the other slimeballs.

  73. 244
  74. 246
    Alley takes the mick out of One Billion People. Does she express the views of her husband? says:
  75. 254
    albacore says:

    Mr Vaz thinks the government’s a trifle confused
    That’s one position for which he shouldn’t be abused
    If Romanian horsemeat masquerading as beef
    Causes Cameron’s do-nothings a cartload of grief
    Just wait till the immigrants themselves start increasing
    But projections on that scam Dave just ain’t releasing


  76. 257
    The Great British voting public, misled by Common Purpose stooge David Cameron and his bumsex army says:

  77. 263
    rebekah aka nellnewman says:

    I see Findus is going to sue it’s suppliers over this horsemeat. No doubt sainsbury’s, asda, tesco’s et al will be suing Findus for supplying the horsemeat product to them.

    Just a thought – shouldn’t the management at Findus and those supermarkets also be rigorously testing the quality of their products before it reaches the supermarket shelves? Or has Quality Control in business these days gone out of the window with all the other standards that used to exist before 13 years of labour turned our business managers into grasping bonus merchants.

    • 269
      The Third Way doesn't work either says:

      You are quite right, nell.

      My father, upon leaving the Royal Navy, had a senior role with M&S in the 1950s/60s. Way back in those days but with less advanced technology available, they would analyse all food products for content and their suppliers knew it when they did not come up to scratch.

      Managements became so arrogant that they felt they could do without this sort of thing. Look at their legacy!

    • 277
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      I wonder if supermarkets are checking all of the pre-made food they sell. If it has happened with beef products, then why not other foods.
      What a minefield.

      • 282
        rebekah aka nellnewman says:

        Absolutely. Loads more scandal still to come.

        We need to get back to basics. Cook all our food from fresh and buy meat and veg from butchers and farm gate shops. Buy local and buy what’s in season.

        • 285
          Tower Hamlets Food Bank says:

          ‘Buy local and buy what’s in season’

          Where do gazelle and antelope run wild locally?

          • rebekah aka nellnewman says:

            well gazelle and antelope I can’t help you with but there is a wildmeat company in rendlesham forest suffolk who shoot and butcher their own wildmeats which include red deer.

            They have an online shop and will deliver to your door.

        • 287
          Labourunionsbbc we are one under the EU says:

          If only, but the lizards who control our lives are not going to allow that, that way leads to individuality and freedom.

  78. 268
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Tike to start filling in Red Ed’s Blank Sheet of Paper. Let the empty promises begin…

    • 275
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      But the labour party is stupid, so no change.

    • 286
      Paniagua says:

      Start of a leadership challenge. If Balls even get the job of Shallow Leader I for one will be on the first flight out of this dump.

  79. 274
    Labourunionsbbc we are one under the EU says:

    Personally I don’t think the police should investigate the deaths (murders?) at hospitals during labours term in office, we are much better served if they crack down on TV lincence (tax?) evaders and illegal parking.

    • 279
      The Third Way doesn't work either says:

      Don’t forget people who put their wheelie bins out on the wrong day either. That is of much higher priority.

      • 288
        Andy Burnhams Scythe Sharpening Service says:

        And don’t forget people beating dust out of their carpets on none carpet beating days.

    • 299
      Tax the moterist says:

      ‘illigal parking’ What the fuck does that even mean?

  80. 276
    Observer says:

    Vaz’s face on a calendar; you’re supposed to pweuk after 8 pints of lager, not before you have even eat the curry.

  81. 280
    EU Bureaucracy says:

    We are too underfunded to do our jobs properly and Cameron is calling for cuts!

  82. 281
    Esther Rancid says:


  83. 283
    One Term Dave says:

    I have managed to get Labour a 12 point lead in the opinion polls. Everything is going to plan.

    • 289
      Chris Hunhe says:

      Do you want some of my points Dave?

    • 291
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Only because labour couldn’t get a lead by themselves. 12 points is nothing, ask Chris Huhne.

    • 293
      Call me Dave says:

      I would have got 3 points for my recent work in the EU, but I have got Ed to take the fall for them instead. Ed told me that if you get 12 points you get banned from being PM

  84. 290
    More political LOLs says:

  85. 292
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Bad reasoning from RBS chairman Sir Philip Hampton upon being asked why only one executive, Mr Hourican, has fallen on his sword: We decided a single point of accountability was necessary – not a mass series of assassinations.

    That use of the word necessary is so misplaced. The word he should have been thinking of was deserved. The concept comes from the opposite direction.

    The suspicion must be that he is still concentrated on thinking about what the bank can get away with rather than what the ethical balance is.

    There are minnows in charge where there should be giants.

    • 300
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      Barclays bank profits for 2012 up to 26% 7.048 Billion , despite being fined 400 million for liebor and paying out all those ppi claims .
      They also announce they are cutting another 3,500 jobs
      why are they allowed to screw people like this ?

      I wonder which country they pay their taxes in (if they pay any at all) ?

      • 302
        The Third Way doesn't work either says:

        I have found where they have hidden the profits, Frankie, but they are so large I cannot lift them by myself. Give us a hand and I’ll go halves with you.

        On a separate issue, I don’t think we will have any problem with Miss Emily after this…

  86. 294
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Takeaway curry could contain traces of Keith Vaz

    • 298
      The Third Way doesn't work either says:

      Chicken Pasanda (Nuts)

      Good morning, sir. I keep having to change the moniker, I am afraid as my trolling fanclub have overactive thyroids!

      • 301
        MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

        Mornin mate don’t worry , it’s only the same piss soaked tramp that usually stalks people on here
        What a sad existence he leads

  87. 295
    Call me Dave says:

    With courage and conviction I believe we can deliver a more flexible, adaptable and open European Union in which my interests and ambitions can be met.

    With courage and conviction I believe we can achieve a new settlement in which I can be comfortable and all our cronies can thrive.

    Because I believe something very deeply. That my interest is best served in a flexible, adaptable and open European Union and that such a European Union is best with Britain in it.

  88. 303
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Seems as Guido is one for swapping jobs to increase his audience
    i was wondering if he’s going to stand for the vacant Popes job ?

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Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV
Dave Stung by Jellyfish | Sun
City Minister’s Inheritance Tax Dodging Trusts | Indy
What I Would Have Done if I was Sarah Wollaston | Iain Dale
Boris is an Epic Europhile | Louise Mensch
Warsi Got PM to Confront “Secular Fundamentalism” | Fraser Nelson
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Labour’s Left and Right are Growing Restive | Staggers

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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