Friday Caption Contest: Why the Long Face Edition
Win a bunch of Valentine’s Day roses from Arena Flowers delivered on Thursday for the winning the caption. Usual rules…
How the Tories Can Win in 2015 | Harry Phibbs
View From Lord Bell’s Summer Party | Speccie
What Dave, Ed and Nick Want You to Hear | James Kirkup
In Praise of Apple’s Tax Plan | Daniel Mitchell
Christine Blower Can’t Do Maths | Toby Young
Cameron is Having a Shocker | Iain Martin
UKIP Still Back Flat Tax | London Loves Business
Dave Will Probably Win in 2015 | Dan Hodges
EU’s Tax Harmonisation Agenda | Dan Hannan
Tories Have Always Sneered at Party Faithful | Simon Heffer
French Youth Fleeing Socialism | Reason
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Ai Weiwei in China fighting the taxman…
“Under totalitarian rule, no one is protected by law. We will all be the same helpless victims. When a country insists on its lies, it’s time for an artist to bring forth change.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
That was my joke last night
To the knackers yard with him
Did I just miss lance Armstrong
Today, I will mostly be posting as “Chris Huhne”
Miss under stud
May 20th 2018 – Mr Chris Huhne has at last found a stable relationship after five years in chokey. Picture here with Mrs Carina Huhne (neigh Trimingham) on the lead rein, the Mother-in-Law, and their pony-mad daughter Clit-Clot, Mr Huhne admitted he had been a foal to get saddled with his former nightmare, and was happy he had given her the hoof.
Only one of us is getting on The Glue truck on back of the barn.
“A gelding – just what Vicky said I needed.”
+++++++
Latest from Doncaster:
Starting Pryces
3-1f My Lidl Pony
7-2 Porkin Halal
11-2 Findus
10-1 WhatDoPointsMake
15-1 Bubbas Got A Brand New Bell
20-1 Huhnessy Gold Cup
Non-runner: SpeedingTicket (Caught by the fuzz)
‘…and Chris, you won’t be able to get this one pregnant.’
She looks like the sort that he’d leave that man for.
Meeting the new in-laws!
that ******* man is on the right
CH: I’ll make mincemeat of them
Guess which one is my new girfriend?
+1 nice
He had them all before he found his ideal.
that is really really funny – why don’t you post some more really really funny comments below
Being a bit of an ass, you should have been in that picture, Mr sock.
again you are really really funny. You are wasted on this blog, and should be on the telly.
I really really laughed at the numerous comments you made below.
Thanks for makking it a really really great day.
Hey…I got some grass in my pocket here. Its great Steed!
Chris Huhne explains the importance of being on the Electoral Register to LibDem supporters
phone call from Findus:
” You finished yet Chris ? – geddamoveon!!!
-we need ‘em for next weeks burgers”
So, the small ones a childs portion then…
Whata Horse Hole
Should get Seabiscuits and water.
Horse: Hey Chris, Guido sure made mincemeat of you!
Hoon: Burger off.
Triple whopper with sleaze.
Tripple whopper with large lies and a diet cock.
Im going to need all these horse shoes for this one!
Ride a cock horse?
These cows look great!
Don’t worry. They’ll never find-us.
The only known photo of Huhne and all his girl friends finally!
I see you’ve met Carina
A bit more to the left Chris
Vicky will have a big surprise when she wakes up tomorrow morning.
Vikki told me to get out and go back to my Whorse.
Astonishing new evidence clears Huhne – photo proof he only had one and a half horsepower…
Now, if anyone asks, you tell you made the lasagne, not me. I don’t want this all to come out in 10 years time.
Come on Carina, let’s run away together. They’ll never Findus.
The winner!
+++++Breaking News++++++ Chris Huhnes previous statements proclaiming his innocence found to contain 100% horseshit
gets my vote
Mine too!
you don’t get a vote
LOL
winner
New findus range available – Dessert Orchid.
Findus are the only ones who’ll give me a job now. They say it’s because I’m full of manure.
Huhne and OATS
Huhne picks up a Horses head for Vicky’s bed
Well riding this cock horse thingy, one cannot be legally prosecuted for speeding
Chris Huhne pays a visit to his local crispy pancake factory.
Horsemeat scandal: police identify convicted criminal as likely suspect
Human being discovered to contain 100% Huhne.
Huhne tries out Gordon’s rocking horse
Now it makes sense – that horsemeat in burgers, I *knew* someone was behind it..
I know which one is the Stallion
Care to take my points?
Neigh.
I declare this Findus wind farm open for business.
Are they expensive ?
About 15p a lb.
Psst, you say you were riding this little fella, I’ll say I was riding that one. No-one would ever suspect..
Double big mac with lies
Pleased to meet you Bubba. Who’s having the top bunk?
Mine is not even one hand high, but an odd thing happens if I pop a Viagra – I get taller !
Huhne morphs into a baby centaur.
Horse to pony, “did you know there is a horse’s ass in here?”
Welcome to the knacker’s yard.
Should be hung like a horse.
Mum, that nice human said I looked cute and he could eat me.
Do you want to go large?
This is Awful, HONEST!!
There is only one donkey in this picture. Discuss
I wanted a stallion not a rapscallion!
Come and Findus in jail soon!
+1
I say, do you have a scold’s bridle for my wife?
Chris takes “Hung like a horse” to a whole new level.
Yippee!
10 years after the first complaints Burnham springs into action.
Actually, for Labour, that is pretty good.
Yes, Mr…sorry…”Mr” Burnham will henceforward be known as
*dramatic music and echoey God voice”
THE SHADOW
In other news Nazis aquitted at Nuremburg after stating ” lessons have been learned “
There was a systemic failure but lessons have been learned and we will undertake to introduce special measures, going forward.
Working together with our partner agencies in the community, locally.
I tried calling for help first, I really did:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2275138/Nicola-Edgington-Schizophrenic-decapitated-innocent-grandmother-street-12in-butchers-knife-guilty-murder.html#axzz2KE30LNHG
How’s the application for the Argentinian visa going Mr Burnham?
Mr Burnham, your cell is ready
Erm, we have already hosed and hoovered one here.
Do the undead cast shadows?
I see my advice worked Andy.
Ed: Yeah. My mum, what a whore. ** Laughs **
Tho, Mithter Thpeaker, I put it to the Prime Minithter. What ith the difference between the Nathi party, the EU and Andy Burnham ? Can he tell me ?
** Silence, anticipating punchline **
PM: Erm The Nazi’s were successfully held to account ?
** Laughs / Heckles **
Ed: Yeah. My mum, what a whore. ** Laughs **
Take my wife ….
*deadly silence*
Please, anyone?
Actually on topic, given that the horse has bolted.
We wish to emphasize that there is no connection and urge police not to DNA test Ardo products packaged in Portugal from June 2007 thru July 2007.
Thank you.
Labour have been casting a shadow over the NHS for years
When is Burnham going to be prosecuted under the 2007 Corporate Manslaughter and Corporate Homicide Act .
That’ll be to spin all the shit that happened on Labour’s Watch under the Doe-Eyed Tosser’s direction I take it?
We have no intention of interviewing Burnham or any other Labour Health Minister on Stafford Hospital and the Francis Report.
Unless they were in the 1970′s Labour government of course.
Is that a pony or are you just pleased to see me?
Jim Hacker poses at the local animal sanctuary in the new revamp Yes Minister.
My career is in tatters after a few nasty headlines. Said the horse.
Testing…testing one two three…
So much moderation on this site these days its hard to know whats acceptable and whats not!
Which one is called ‘Findus’?
That horse looks familiar
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/03/02/article-2109217-1201DBC7000005DC-961_306x423.jpg
OK. When did one of your lot ever turn up at Number 10 on a horse?
I often dreamt they would leave with one. You know the ones that pull a big box and have big black feathers in their mane.
Shhh! Or you might give Assange an idea here…
What, he is hiding in No10?
No, silly!
Ed is hiding in the Ecuadorian Embassy.
Is Andy Burnham in there with them?
The Government of Ecuador has reviewed an asylum application from Mr. Andrew Murray Burnham.
This application has been declined on the basis that the applicant has possibly committed crimes against humanity.
We are not issuing any temporary residency permit as the principle of non-refoulement is not likely to be violated in this case.
That is a really shit piece of photo-shopping.
Heterosexual. Bisexual. Beastiality? It’s all in a day’s work for a Lib Dem MP.
That is called ‘progressing’ for a LimpDim MP.
One nag to the other, ” If he was a horse they’d shoot him”
Other nag: “Wonder if he’s got an orange in his pocket?”
He asked me what Dartmoor prison is like.
Huhne has nothing to say as he’s a little horse.
Little horse “You wait till you hear what he whispered to me earlier”
If I had to sleep with one of those, then I suppose it would have to be the horse. At least I could have a good supper afterwards.
You are the real 8illy and I claim my five pounds
It’s OK they are used to meeting people like me, they are police horses
Afternoon 8illy
“Shoot low, Vicky, he’ll be riding a Shetland!”
Disgraced politician insists he really is in a stable relationship.
Retirement home for old nags.
Urggh are they alive?
Feeling a little horse
Big horse to little horse; ‘So he’s got you dressing up now Carina? I think Vicky took the point a long time ago!
LibDem demonstrates the advantage to Britain of being in the EU
Foal: But mum you said I was going in the cavalry!
Horse: No son, I said you were going in the casserole
Needs gelding. Donate generously.
Chris Huhne’s Trigger finger.
Here is our new value range, which is even popular in Pentonville
Further revelations from Southwark Crown Court today as more evidence of Chris Huhne’s other marital indiscretions is presented.
My little phoney.
Cruel but very funny.
I’m here for my new career training.
Right..good…are you training to be the front or the back ?
Is that donkey being coerced into doing something against its will?
You’ll like Prison, Chris…Findus beef lasagne on a Wednesday!
Huhne disappointed to find that a ‘Point to Point’ is an amateur horserace.
Quick, somebody lock the barn door before the criminal gets away
Pony to horse, ” Isn’t she supposed to muck out, not bring the muck in?”
Never been good with rare horse breeds but isn’t the grey one a Likitzanus.
Woman in the centre “I assure you Mr Huhne the little one can only get up to 30″
Chris Huhne meets the head of the Irish Beef Marketing Board
“Rebekah Brooks and the rozzers have had nothing to do with the procurement and boarding of this horse– just so you know, Mr Huhne.”
lies to the right
neighs to the left
I just want to assure everyone that our proximity does not imply an improper relationship.
*Could have used that as a caption, I suppose*
Camera man (out of sight): Which one is the crossbreed?
Chorus: All of us!
Its good to see Huhne off his high horse.
There’s nothing better than a secret meat to get Guido excited.
Foal sings: “Maaaa, he’s making pies of me”
+1.
In advance of his prison sentence, Chris Huhne seeks advice on what it feels like to be ridden like a Derby winner.
Welcome to Five Points Horse Trials, y’all.
Huhne picks his transport of choice to flee justice.
Nag,nag,nag,nag,nag,nag.
Chris meets Mr Ed The leader of The Opposition.
He went “right to the source, and asked the horse, who gave him an answer that he endorsed…”
I never attended any meetings in a stable with a large horse, a small horse, and a lady. Of that you have my sincere promise and I find it incredulous that I am accused like this.
I look forward to the involvement of the Police force in order to prove my innocence in this matter.
Thank you.
Be careful Junior, that man is a Europhile and they eat horses.
You should see his wife and mistress if you think our handler looks like an old nag.
One met this ghastly man at some function, and wondered why he kept eyeing the Duchess of Cornwall. Having now seen this photo, and those of the women he has been involved with, it is now apparent, even to someone as retarded as oneself.
“The Sunday Times wants the lucky horseshoe in the frame”
I got her to take my pints for me.
“…And the barman says.’why the long face?’
… and the horse says ‘ probably because he’s destroyed his family, his career and he’s off to prison.’”
That’s three times in an hour, Quango! Aren’t you ever satisfied?
He’s an MP. Does that answer your question?
He nips in front of me in a nanosecond. Three times on this page. Just like bloody Mill Reef! Yum.
Mill Reef?
Had him with a light chianti and some fava beans
That was a misteak!
Domaine Leroy Les Boudots, Nuits-Saint-Georges Premier Cru 1988
Its Friday. I’m already on the train heading back to the 2nd home.
And so far this is the main use I’ve found for that ipad they gave me.
This and temple Run..
Points failure at Southwark.
Horse to donkey: Mind where he puts his hands, he’s partial to brisket.
Do you have to Constancly remind us?
There is a bar on saying such things.
Fancy a game of arrows Chris?
Well on your shirt actually
Pony to Cat
Can’t you tell the difference between me and a donkey?
Eee aw ee aw ee aw ee aw he always calls me this
Shut it and push back more!
Take it the cat is out of the picture? Anyway, I did explain before why my eyesight has suffered. Don’t want to repeat it here or everyone will know…
Do you have to wear boxing gloves at night?
Get a grip.
Huhne Collects Gift for Estranged Wife.
…but the heads are still attached
Now tell the truth or you’ll end up looking like Daddy
“No, no, I meant a job with the Secretariat of the EU!”
Huhne found in Tesco burgers!
Mr Trimingham (r): “You’ve never eaten horse, have you, Chris?”
Chris Huhne, upon commencing his first stint of kitchen duties as a convict, discovers that Tesco and Findus have been awarded the prisons catering contract.
I don’t care the time is not right. I know he looks lovely but just get rid will you.
Horse to foal: If he says he wants his oats run for your life.
“Well that’s you and me both totally burgered”!
Huhne: “Will you take some point-to-points for me?”
Horse: “Neigh!”
OR
Huhne to horse: “Do you think the press will findus?”
‘We’re all going to get burgered’
Foal: I’d feel safer with Jimmy Savile.
Sorry m’lud, I can’t give verbal evidence through a full trial, as I’m feeling a little horse.
On visit to glue factory Huhne says those charges will never stick
“I’ll give you a pony if you’ll take four faults for me”
And you promise neither will exceed the speed limit?
Horse: Now what was it you committed, perjury or burgery?
The horses are called Vicky and Carina after the women in my life – I broke them as well……..
He’s our point to point champion
Woman: But you said that if I let you…you know… you’d introduce me to Dr Dre!
So that’s what the Steward of the Chiltern Hundreds does.
Huhne -”Ive only got a little one but it got me into trouble when I went point to point”.
Huhney, foals and horses…
“OK, that’s the deal; The big one’s head is for my ex’s bed and the rest for Findus, the small one I’ll keep for myself and the lonely nights ahead.”
I now pronounce you Man and Horse
Chris Huhne hasn’t quite grasped the prison meal plan concept.
CH – “Can you deliver these two to Wormwood Scrubs a week on Monday please. I’m quite partial to a bit of horse cock. It’s quite a delicacy don’t you know”.
Red-faced women (Sotto Voce) – “It won’t be horse cock he’ll be eating a week on Monday…..”
OT but is it true that findus are bringing out a new range of appetisers
called ‘horse d’hooves’?
http://opensourcetory.com/222/
david miliband zip undone oh nooooooooooooooooooooooo
The neighs have it.
Chris Huhne meets the ingredients of Humble Pie.
This stud barn is set up and maintained under our ‘oss pisses…
You DO know why you never see manure on the race course, don’t you? That’s ‘coz all the horses’ arses are in the stands!
You can’t break the speed limit on a shetland pony.
FORASMUCH as Chris and Bees Knees have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth, each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving a nose Ring, and by joining hands/hoofs ; I pronounce that they are Man and Horse, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
PMSL
Analysis of all Huhne’s photographs prove they contained 50% horse…
OR
Huhne feeling a little horse…
ikidu0.com
Mum what’s a Trojan horse? He said his Greek wife may have left one.
New lag meets old nag.
I honestly assure you, there are no horses here.
Pony is saying: OK, Which one of you has farted?
Mother, you know Vicky of course, but this is Carina.
Or possibly……
Carina, since when did you work for Findus?
A horse a horse my freedom for a horse.
Findus made with 100% Huhne
It’s not often you get THREE living things in a barn better looking than an MP’s ex-wife and his present lover!
No matter how hard she tried mucking-out the stables she couldn’t get rid of one stubborn little shit.
Stablemucker: So single hey?
Chris: Guess that’s why I’m feeling a little hoarse.
Chris Huhne indulges in a little horse play.
Huhne: I’ll take the little one thanks, I want to make my ex wife an offer she cant refuse.
After a marathon phone call to Vicky, Huhne feels a little hoarse.
Horse: This bloke’s bipolar disorder means he doesn’t feel a flying fetlock.
keep going, maybe you will come up with a funny one eventually
And your caption is…
I am in a similar position to you. I cannot think of a funny caption either.
hobby horse penis extension fails to impress.
An arse an arse my kingdom for an arse.
Not sure that this is going to be good for my career
Burnham’s tweeted response to the Francis Report.
We start on Thursday in the North West Any suggestions of where we should go & who we should shadow can be sent here: yournhs.com
A morgue.
Chris to the Horses:
” That makes 3 of us who are for the knackers yard to be turned into Mincemeat”!!!
Chris promotes First Past the Post. Fuck Cleggy
Chris Huhne finally finds a stable relationship.
Chris says I lied for me and Vicky says I lied for him
Well, Chris did a pretty good job himself.
Margaret Beckett calls by to offer Chris some support.
Titter
Sadly for Huhne, his alibi for where he was on the night in question was left in tatters when the cardboard cutout tilted over just as the photographer pressed the shutter…
Is that little one at the front a very young Michael Fabricant?
Indeed, standing directly in front of Chris Fabricate.
Chris Huhne reduced to riding a hobby horse after exceeding points on driving license
How and why is Andy Burnham allowed to get away with what happened at Stafford Hospital. What was the point of him holding office under labour if he now doesn’t take responsibility?
Has no one in labour any morals?
Chris loved a good Point-To-Point
Huhne meets Carina’s mother and siblings.
Eastleigh Theatre Group were beginning to wonder why they hadn’t sold any tickets for the 2012 Nativity Play, especially since the posters had been up for nearly 2 weeks.
Little horse: Do you know I could murder a burger?
Big Horse: Do you know you’ve got a hoon half way up your back? Are you a gay police horse?
Things you don’t want to find in a Lasagne
Brilliant
Traces of Cock Found in Horsemeat
v.good
When I heard Chris Huhne was having a bit of a ‘mare recently I didn’t for a moment think that it meant….
Huhne seemed pleased to discover that his last meal would be one of the Findus fine fillies
Chris grasped the shovel nervously. It was his first day on the pile-it scheme for ex-offenders.
‘So, this liar walked into a stable….’
Panto Auditions for Role of ‘Horse’s Arse’ – Winner Revealed.
Huhne takes advice on a future career in the meat pie industry
Big horse to little horse, “It’s your turn to be the back end of the pantomime Chris Huhne”.
Huhne – “Anyone for a bit of horsetrading round the back?”
Huhne: My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I came here!
In the end, finding Shergar was easy compared to trying to track down the whereabouts of Gordon Brown
Me being Huhnge like a horse, isn’t actually a 100% true.
Vulnerable little horse called Vicky to big horse called Trisha:
“I won’t let him ride me point to point anymore.”
Trisha Horse: “I’ll let any fucker ride me, man or woman.”
I’d have said he’s got a beef with his ex-wife. But it’s just not in his DNA
“Carina,Carina,where have you been for so long”???
(Steppenwolf ….live..1970..quote)
The Crook, His Brief, The Wife & His Lover
“Tell me again, which of them is called Carina?”
Huhne spotted, feeling a little horse.
What do you mean “these are your cell-mates?”
So which one is Vicky and which one is carina and who is the tosser on the left hand side?
‘You’re not foaling anyone…’
Looks like the high jump Chris!
Huhne backed for new job at Findus
Court orders Huhne to sign up for the the new “Electorate Empathy” scheme which involves riding a donkey whilst being F****d up the A**e by a horse.
It works on multiple levels, he gets to know how we are teated by politicians, it prepares his bottom the UK prison system and he will be completeley warmed up ready for Carina’s over sized strap-on when gets out on parole after serving a week inside HMP’s finest open prison.
Just to clarify the moniker:
http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://shoestringonline.co.uk/assets/images/David_Amess092007.jpg&imgrefurl=http://shoestringonline.co.uk/html/amess.html&h=275&w=183&sz=1&tbnid=erCY0jy-9wco2M:&tbnh=160&tbnw=106&zoom=1&usg=__UtTlPCZdHT_vwi03_ZvqPjgsT3g=&docid=NZY-UdBjAuXYQM&itg=1&sa=X&ei=FiUVUYfTHMqb0QWulYHACQ&ved=0CJsBEPwdMBA
Horse breeder about to tell someone that DNA tests have proven that 99% of politicians, higher among the left, are made of pure C**t
This one’s mine!
Hey folks, lunch for you all. Vickie has kindly ordered the beef for me on her account.
Whoops : Vicky Pryce!
Huhne though he could walk on water, now he’s trying a stable for the night.
Huhne pictured with his latest love
Hello ! I’m Mr Dead
Bloke, right at the back: “You don’t see that every day”
Can I drive one without a license?
How fast does it go?
A picture emerges that seems to prove Huhne had an affair with Sarah Jessica Parker.
Burger me, it’s that Chris Huhne
You’re beef-I’m toast.
You know what you find under a pony(ies) tale – an arsehole
We all know you talk a load of pony
Three donkeys and a cow
In happier times, the ministers visit to the Findus factory went well…
I’m only here because my doctor told me to watch what !’m eating
Where’s the beef?
If any one comes asking, tell them you were riding the pony in the 3:15 at Chepstow, right?
Huhne:
This is absolute cobblers; you are the only horse batty enough to invite a cameraman into this stable.
Mare:
There’s a woman holding my bridle and it’s all to do with your f***ing points and your f***ing man and it’s nothing to do with me
Foal:
I don’t want to speak to you, you disgust me, f**k off. You are the most ghastly man I’ve ever known.
Huhne:
But I love you, even though I phoned the glue factory to get a price for you when you were born
Foal:
I hate you so f**k off.”
Huhne’s left hand is worryingly out of sight
Another Government Minister trying to get me to eat a beefburger on camera.
One of our heads will be on Vicky’s pillow in the morning…
“Your environmental licence requirements for this produce are strictly free-range.
…Grab a shovell Hune”
“Look, how could I have been driving when I was running at Aintree?”
The Lady in Red
Is over the moon
They’ve all been ridden
But nothing like Huhne
(will be…)