February 7th, 2013

Ashcroft Eastleigh Poll Says Game On


  1. 1
    Casual Observer says:

    Gotta be the tories.


    • 8
      Iloathlefties says:

      Read and weep when you read Arch Bishops Cranmers blog from yesterday. So the whole gay marriage legislation is all about a forthcoming EU directive and political opportunity to not bring it up at Euro or general elections and hide its source from the plebs!!


      • 23
        V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

        Well, well, the disgusting eu is behind all this, they probably bribed Dave with a few million and a later job offer.


        • 45
          EU Watch says:

          Pi$$ on the flag, only if it is not burning.


          • Lord Mandelson of Foy PC says:

            Pi, a rather lovely greek letter closely associate to circles. All I can say is I hope you are not portraying this country as backward, as my friends of the Inner Ring (it’s secret shush) have always held considerable sway in Whitehall.


          • Lord Mandelson of Foy PC says:

            The Berlinguer Report (for Nov 2013 vote) “plans to allow citizens from all EU countries to move to another in order to have a gay marriage where it is permitted and for such a marriage to be recognised across the EU”
            And my EU Parliament lobbyists have worked so very, very hard to achieve this. It’s wonderful that the Libs made Cameron move first on this to be seen as more “progressive” his manhood looks stronger than ever.


          • Hon. Lady Cordelia Fortescue-Smythe in Chipping Norton says:

            I like David Cameron for being so brave to be ready to rush towards this change and go further than say the Vatican and Italy. Quite avant-garde. You might think he is a little sexually naive but actually it is more a case of his friends being so wonderfully Liberal. You know he was so gullible to that conVincing man, I’ve forgotten his name, that he went ahead with this.


          • Whoever wins forthcoming the election, chances are they’ll be an vacuous Oxbridge twat with the PC-approved political instinct of a truffling porker.


      • 122
        lojolondon says:

        Great post – actually UKIP pointed that out, the Archbishop gives lots of credit and some links to UKIP site.

        Remember the 80mph speed limit the Tories suddenly and urgently pushed through parliament?? Never to be heard of again? Only done to match the EU 130kph limit.

        Remember HS2? To be driven through the Tory heartlands against every sensible and practical impulse? Only to fulfil the EU’s High Speed Rail Directive.

        The Tories keep passing laws in parliament with the connivance of Labour and the Lib Dems, and these laws are passed just in time before they would have been imposed on us by the EU.

        Parliament is really, truly dishonest about this, all three parties are!


      • 140
        Anonymous says:

        31% will still vote libdem, are these people f.u.c.kin retarded….


    • 11
      Iloathlefties says:


      You just couldn’t make it up!!!


      • 43
        Do you know Dorothy? says:

        Interesting, thanks for the link. I did wonder about Cameron’s motives/timing.


        • 80
          splooge says:

          *sigh* all is explained. No surprise really – we should have guessed.


          • Voice of reason says:

            So Dave IS an EU puppet – doing as he is told. Many of us realised that ages ago.

            Another traitor along with the douche bags Blair and Brown.


          • My teather can be pulled says:

            Well why didn’t he hold out like Italy??? They won’t go gay for 100 years. The answer might have something to do with what Vince told him about being seen as a progressive.


      • 71
        David Camperon, the Prime Mincer says:

        The Archbishop is a bigot and a looney. He belongs in the 16th Century.


    • 72
      Wobbly Dave says:

      My highly-skilled team of PR monkeys has a range of soothing excuses ready!


    • 137
      Archie says:

      Bollocks! Go Nige!


  2. 2
    Dee Lusional says:



  3. 3
    Calamity Clegg says:

    Time to start telling a massive amount of porkies.#LibsFibs


    • 4
      EU Watch says:

      Holland has a very large pork industry.


    • 92
      EU laws expert says:

      Yes it only took one mention of the word “homosexuality” and “more equality under the law” in one of the 1000s of Directives to get a fellow bedfellow, a lovely, cute, Lib Dem elected in Eastleigh, as a few more switch conveniently to UKIP.


    • 96
      Mr Burdett-Coutts (1918) and Disraeli says:

      Not that our first-past the post system can ever be manipulated by external powers to introduce a spoiler candidate with a spoiler effect. No, never.

      “PR are admirable schemes for bringing crotchety men into the goose. They are the schemes of coteries and not the politics of nations, and, if adopted, will end in discomfiture and confusion.”


      Does this mean the UKIP vote will go up, or will people hold on to their country?


      • 97
        Thick old todger and as leather couple in sleepy hampshire says:

        We’ll vote UKIP thank you very much and have some sucker for Europe as a Lib Dem in place, as we can’t get enough of french expensive cheese and want to pay more.


        • 98
          Zeitgeist today in Strawberry Hill says:

          Beaujolais and Champagne on the 28th booked (with Ocado/Fortnum’s) and they’ll never forgive us when we go to Elton’s wedding in May and I accidentally let slip that it was Vince that told Cameron to go ahead and steal the Lib Dem votes in this way. Still I’m loaded anyway.


          • Vince Cable MP says:

            Calm down Gerry and Margot. I have forgiven you. It’s actually looking like with UKIP being the scapegoat for everything that UKIP votes are going through the roof and I can buy the coach to carry us Libs down to conference after 2015, as they’ll be at least 60 of us. And we can cosy up to whoever is in power and dump anything we promised as usual. When is Elton’s wedding anyway, seem to have lost it in my diary?


    • 129
      Pope Paedepus says:

      Labour ought to stick a red rosette on Rex the Bionic Man. In fact, they should replace Ed with him.


  4. 5
    Great British Public says:

    Questions to the Deputy Prime Minister:-

    1) Did you call the Eastleigh election at very short notice before Huhne is sentenced ?

    2) Will Chris Huhne hand back the £ 600 iPad which he got from the Taxpayers just before he confessed to being a liar ?

    3) Will you persuade Huhne to do the decent thing and forfeit his tax-free redundancy payment funded by the Taxpayer ?


    • 20
      Nick Clogg says:

      Please ask these questions on my premium rate phone in.


    • 49
      Magnus Magnusperson says:

      Answers: 1) Yes 2) No 3) You’ve got to be joking.


      • 73
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        Clegg (and Cameron and Miliband for that matter) would view 2 and 3 as setting a dangerous precedent.


        • 126
          A woman says:

          Will Huhne be banned from driving when he comes out of prison?


          • Magic circle law firm says:

            Most judges would stipulate that. However a few pleas in mitigation about the need to speed away from anti- promiscuous sleezebag hit-mob very fast by car may sway his honour Mr Justice X.


  5. 6
    VERITAS says:

    If Dave loses here hes definately fcuked!


    • 12

      He’ll be toast.


    • 42
      Jimbo says:

      Veritas, if the Conservatives win this seat it will not be due to Cameron. Cameron os a Socialist and should be kicked out of the Conservative Party.


      • 94
        T'Old Fella says:

        Get rid of Dodgy Dave, who have you got in his place that the electorate will vote for, who does not have baggage from the past, you can vote for anyleader you like but if the electorate say Cons are out for a long time.


        • 99
          T'Old Fella says:

          Get rid of Dodgy Dave, who have you got in his place that the electorate will vote for, who does not have baggage from the past, you can vote for anyleader you like but if the electorate sayNO Cons are out for a long time.


          • Vince Cable MP says:

            It’s always nice to see it when a plan bears fruit. My suggestion to Dave that he would be seen as more Liberal worked fantastically – now to decide which policies should I dump in 2015 when in coalition with the tories polling worse than UKIP. Let’s see, hospital quality, tick oh yes and blocking tax rises for middle earners under Balls, tick.


        • 125
          Anyone called Dave? says:

          David Davis would do.


          • Great Granddad:Prime Minister in Waiting, New Utopia Party says:

            D.D. would certainly do, but his chances must be slim. He has his fair share of enemies.


    • 114
      Anonymous says:

      One can but hope…


      • 116
        Ebeneezer Scrouge says:

        I know it’s always good to see the surplus population decrease under Labour as the bastions of the vulnerable.


  6. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    Did Gordon colour that in with his crayons?


  7. 9
    Pundit (not with BBC) says:

    What is word on the street in Eastleigh ?


    • 17
      Bollocks Broadcasting Corporation says:

      Our polling has shown that the voters of Eastleigh are turning to Labour in their droves.


      • 103
        Jethro says:

        … “I am here in Westleigh, where, to the right of me there are black clouds, to my left a clear sky, and behind me a tiny glint of yellow as the sun sets. I have been speaking to an ordinary Westleigh … sorry, Eastleigh Drove-seller.
        ‘Tell me, Mr. Shaw…?’
        ‘Thass roight: Shaw, Rick Shaw.’
        ‘Tell me, Mr. Shaw, what do you reckon has been the most important development since the Writ was moved here?’
        ‘Writ? They haven’t served one again, have they?’
        ‘Don’t go, Mr. Shaw: you’re safe, remember, this is the B.B.C.! No, I meant, since the election was declared. What has characterised the behaviour of voters, in your experience?’
        ‘Arr! With ee now! Why, bless moi soil, I’ve bin run out of stock! Jesbout everybody in thiseer Southley – weer oi bin borned and breaded – is after one o moi Droves. Ooh arr!’
        ‘And which kind, Mr. Shaw, which kind?’
        ‘Woi, sorr, course! Tez the Red Droves theym orrl be wan’in – none o’they Blue ones! I cussn’t sell none o they!’
        ‘So, to sum up, Mr. Shaw…?’
        ‘Our pollen has shawed that the voters of Northley are turnen to Labour in their Droives!…’
        Producer: ‘Cut! Cut! For crying-out-loud you two: it’s Eastleigh, Eastleigh. Damian, for the love of Gorbachev: drop the ‘ooh arrs’ – that’s Berkshire and Oxfordshire. But we must keep the ‘borned and breaded’ line: that’s just so winningly authentic. Right, everybody: Take Seven!


        • 112
          BBC USSR-style commissar says:

          Socialist champagne to the production team who produce the victory as usual. And a shot of soon to be illegal state-gin for the proles and actors.


  8. 10
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Much as i am in total sympathy with the aims and aspirations of UKIP I hope that those considering voting that way reconsider as they have no chance of winning and could let the EU loving Lib Dems back in.


    • 14
      • 52
        the yellow submarine is sinking so is the says:

        UKIP has to win somewhere, if it happens in Eastleigh , it could start the ball rolling for them, the Conservatives with Camoron in charge are left of Liebour I think 3 Socialist partys is too much for this country.


        • 108
          Vince Cable MP says:

          Too right Cameron’s vote is set to plunge. See my plan above: all over a rather queer policy you might say. I told him it would make him more Liberal and he fell right for it!!! Still Elton’s offered me free tickets to his wedding and most of my most liberal constituents. We’ll tied up teather to a lamppost at the wedding as some sort of radical catholic freak show.


        • 115
          Brutalist archetype says:

          I’d rather UKIP picked a town, not just a seat, and concentrated all their firepower there. Bradford for instance, Galloway is an easy target (locals have already realised thathe’s never actually around), the Bradford Metropolitan council has all time low approval ratings after the “Hole in the Heart” and Odeon debacles and they already have 1 MEP in the region.

          The only stumbling block is Philip Davis.


        • 130
          Pope Paedepus says:

          “UKIP has to win somewhere”

          No, they don’t. No more than BNP “has to win somewhere”.


    • 50
      Anonymous says:

      Looking at the results ,they are not considering voting for UKIP!


    • 54
      Mrs. Bone says:

      Rather than the EU loving Dave.


    • 107
      Nigel Farage says:

      Vote UKIP


  9. 15
    Jimmy says:

    That Nasties down 5.3, LibDems down 15.5 and the Labour share doubled. Very bad poll for the LibDems. Previously they’ve been able to squeeze the Labour vote the keep the tories out but now of course they’re keeping them in. This one’s going to be fun.


    • 25
      Labour Strategy says:

      If we haven’t got an experienced candidate standing then this loss cannot be turned against us at the next GE.

      It’s all about spinning the loss.


      • 28
        Jimmy says:

        No one expects us to win so this is popcorn time for us. We can watch each half of the government telling the voters how crap the other half is.


  10. 16
    Cameron's life story says:


  11. 19

    From now for me. it is either UKIP or Monster Raving Loony…


    • 26
      Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

      If you bought a flat in Tower Hamlets you could vote for both.


    • 91
      Anonymous says:

      it makes sense to manage the debts of the west.
      ukip leadership has the right attitude.
      western bureaucrats love the dependancy culture.
      “The Good Life” as the tv series showed is worthy of consideration.
      even on a small scale.


    • 109
      Nigel Farage says:

      Vote UKIP


      • 119
        Zeitgeist today in Strawberry Hill says:

        Thanks for the mention. Margot has her champagne and gin (from her old Party) whereas I make do with good Liberal Scrumpy, only occasionally a bit of rumpy too. St Vince told Cameron he’d be progressive for doing it before he conveniently did it, and he I suppose you’d say, swallowed.


  12. 21
    Millionaires says:

    Let’s have an abortion because we can’t afford a child.


  13. 22
    Jen The Blue says:

    Surely the people of Eastleigh are not so stupid as to vote for a Lib Dem again after that lying, hypocritcal **** ?

    As to Archbishop Cranmer’s comments………well that explains everything.


  14. 24
    Fact Hunt says:


    31% will vote for a party who a week ago were represented by a lying criminal.
    19% will vote to bankrupt the country.
    34% will vote for a party who are led by a man with less spine than a jellyfish.

    Therefore 84 % will vote for more of same bollocks that has bought the country to where it is today.

    We’re fucked.


    • 141
      PM Sp.Ad. (oh don't you share that desire, just to be sarcastic to him) says:

      Yes he did rather show off a bit of that jelly side. Or “non elitist and old-fashioned” as the Beeb have it. Vince told him he’d be sooo progressive. I wasn’t convinced told him more like so Graham Norton. I suspected some sort of plot but couldn’t work it out. Didn’t realise that under our UK system we suffer a “spoiler effect”. Google it. It’s basically coupled with the incumbency of previous results means UKIP won’t win anywhere they haven’t got 10% of the vote in the previous election, almost impossible due to perception. Doofus wasn’t I!!! So the Lib Dems will see disgruntled tories heading to UKIP in Con-LD marginal seats if people blame this gay marriage on Cameron rather than that tosser Vince. What a sneaky, conniving b*****d.


  15. 34
    Lard Prescott says:

    Which part of that pie is part of my 50 a day?


  16. 36
    The wizz says:

    Just a small point of interest, in a previous post it states that the Liebore Party are looking for someone to stand as the Member for Eastleigh. Maybe its time someone put a red rosette on a Donkey to see what happens? Going by the stats, it shows it might stand a chance.


  17. 39
    Question for Owen Jones says:

    A struggle between class and class is what kind of struggle ?


  18. 44
    Lib Dems Campaign Mesaage says:

    Trust us we will not let you down


  19. 46
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Findus admits frozen lasagne was made with 99% horse meat – and they don’t know how long tainted product has been on the shelves.

    They admit the horse was called ” Deep Fill Beef ” but deny it was intended to confuse.


  20. 60
    Cameronianbeast says:


    Another brilliant directive from Dave (EU)

    I have been bitte by a dog or two but it usually involved passion and I didnt need to take her to the Vet afterwards
    Ok so next we have “Gay Dogs” getting married
    This is how most civilisations end
    Queers, beastility (think Neroe or Manngledscum)


  21. 64
    Jimbo says:

    Cameron is the biggest Loser that the Conservative have ever had. If the Party stands by and allow him destroy the Party forever, then they are all fools. If they act wisely. they will get rid of him and replace him with David Davis (a vote winner with all people) and return Cameron back to the Socialist Party where he belongs . Had it have not been for Arms Dealers money he would not have been the Leader, I suspect that he will be taking the golden euro from the EU to fool the British public yet again. May I suggest that the Conservative MP’s grow some ballsm and get rid of this traitor to Britain and set us on the road to recovery, Cameron is tied up with the EU which is why he has conned the British Public over the same sex marriage Bill because it will be made EU Law and WE WILL HAVE to go along with it. To wait for another 5-8 years for a referendum is a joke and we should not agree to it, get rid of Cameron now! Conservatives, save your job.


  22. 68
    Nice things that could happen before Eastleigh election says:

    i) The Huhne family appear on Kyle show pre-sentencing
    ii) Osborn fixes the Economy
    iii) Ed Balls gets fired
    iv) Dave gets the boot
    v) BBC is shut down
    vi) Farage does a good speech
    vii) Chilcot published


    • 70
      Paniagua says:

      vi) the only one that will happen


    • 78
      (I don't need no doctor) says:

      Chilcot must be bad news to take this long. So who has been tipped off by Chilcot?

      Why no update from the government, The BBC, C4 News, Sky?

      Who is covering up what?


      • 95
        The Far Right says:

        Think: Africa.


        • 128
          i'm inside says:

          Naturally following the Upper Tribunal’s ruling against the imprudent finding of the inexperienced lower Judge who wanted to allow a freedom of information disclosure of the Bush-Blair conversations, lawyers have piled in also with injunctions preventing their names being potentially explosive candidates for the most vengeful jihadi. The truth of the whole saga is that the U.S. hated saddam for his money, for his regime and for his constant threats against Israel and that oil sort of lubricated the whole deal. Blair was a poodle against whom Bush made some short threats !”Britain will we’ll hide the terrorists list we helped to foment unless you invade Blair”! You can kiss goodbye to your Tehran embassy and say Sayonara to Leicester Square Blair!” and various other wimps were taken in by the hysteria that led to Guantanemo rounding up its little list (and several others). Chilcot will be a whitewash.


  23. 76
    Stupid BET365 Advert says:

    Game on, game on, yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss.


  24. 83
    Who is asking the questions says:

    How likely is a poll run by Lord Ashcroft to reflect the true level of UKIP support?


    • 93
      The wizz says:

      I could not agree more, as against. (Some people may say that, but I couldn’t Possibly commentt).


  25. 113
    Nigel Farage says:

    Well signing off now.


  26. 133
    Anonymous says:

    This story broke an embargo. It will be relaunched at midnight.


  27. 134
    Anonymous says:

    My prediction is this:

    LibDems will win because recent Cameron fuck-ups mean that a lot of tory voters will vote UKIP this time, but UKIP won’t gain enough of those extra votes to beat the LibDems.

    Cameron has 3 insurmountable problems here, and the only solution to him getting hammered at every election from now until/including 2015 is for him to fuck off and let someone else have a go, those problems are:

    1) Gay Marriage

    Virtually every straight tory voter (apart from those who have been indoctrinated by the BBC and/or who are fresh out of uni/school and have no real life experience) is offended by the fact that their current (or future) marriage status is now seen by the world at large as a totally meaningless institution/certificate/status that any vocal minority can hijack at any time and it has no more meaning than saying that you’re married to a hamster.

    Lots of people will vote against the tories now because they’d rather vote for a party that they know will lose than a party/leader who is willing to redefine and piss all over an institution that’s been around for thousands of years and who actively campains to make that institution effectively worthless and bastardised beyond recognition.

    2) European referendum

    There are too many “ifs” in Cameron’s “promise”, and it’s too late. Nobody believes for a moment that cameron will ever hold an in/out referendum, it’s just bullshit.
    If…he can secure a good deal in europe….then if he gets a majority….then if the EU lawyers tell us we’re allowed to, then if……..etc etc; he’s go so many conditions attached to his “promise” and it’s so far in the future, then it’s just a completely worthless/empty promise.
    If he really did want a referendum (which he doesn’t), then he’d say this:
    “We are going to have a referundum on this, and the date that it will occur is May 2nd 2013, and I’ll abide by the result regardless of what the EU throw at us. If we can’t get that referendum through parliament because it’s blocked by the Lib/Lab anti-democracy pact like the boundary changes were then we’re going to have a general election on May 2nd 2013 instead of a referendum”

    3) The Economy

    After 3 years in power, the tories are still increasing the debt by around £100billion per year, they’ve managed to increase the debt massively whilst simultaneously not having any growth at all. Only a moronic, weak, left-leaning tory leader could ever achieve such a thing. Much as I hate Gordon Brown, at least his debt increases led to growth, even though the growth was fake. Increasing debt with no growth at all, not even fake growth, now that takes a special kind of fucking useless sack of shit like Cameron.

    So, the tories will lose because Cameron’s a fucking useless sack of shit, and the LibDems will win because their existing voters will stay with them, and UKIP won’t quite gain enough votes to beat the LibDems (it’ll be a close-run thing between UKIP and the LibDems though).

    I hope I’m wrong though, I hope that UKIP steam ahead with a stonkingly massive majority, that the tories don’t get a single vote, and that Cameron is forced to quit the morning afterwards.


    • 135
      Anonymous says:

      The tories shouldn’t understimate the damage done by point 1.

      Pretty much anyone who believes in God will vote against the tories in Eastleigh. Center/right leaning religious people will vote UKIP, the rest will vote raving-loony or simply refuse to vote.

      Whether you personally believe in a religion is irrelevant as far as this prediction goes, the point is that religious people don’t take kindly to their core/central institution being pissed-on and their leaders being thrown at the mercy of the European courts whenever they try to follow their own religious views.

      Cameron is so completely fucked, because he hasn’t just alienated his own voters, he’s also driven religious people who never vote tory to actively vote against him and his liberal/left-leaning policies too.

      It’s as if his leadership thus far has been nothing but a deliberate attempt to try and kill-off tory election chances as much as possible, and in that respect he’s been doing amazingly well.

      I don’t think he’s going to last much longer to be honest, he’ll be gone well before 2015.


    • 136
      Lou Scannon says:

      Can’t fault your logic.
      Besides, if the locals were stupid enough to vote for Huhne last time …..


      • 142
        BBC News (no not on radio that's journalism, which we don't cover) says:

        Huw: Latest scientific research reveals that people are likely to vote for the same parties, this is the finding of a newly-published report, by the leading political think tank, Compare the Meerkat.com. Speaking from St Petersberg is our BBC political Mother Russia correspondent Bob who is with one of the report’s publishers.
        Yes Good Evening, Huw, I’m here with Igor the Meerkat, Head of Television Propaganda Lowest Common Denominator Termminology at the Pro Status Quo Network, the parent company of Compare the Meekat.com (off camera: and us, the animals). – Igor how did you come to the reduction-to three-choice-reasoning in this theory contained in your report that stresses a lack of up-to-date variety of polls shown and ruthless suppression of alternatives?


        And how would you say you’d make sure that people know its a three horse race?


        Huw, its back over to you in our London studios.

        Thanks Bob. So there we have it, we’ll never give UKIP so much as a ”’half”’ chance that they’ll just squeeze the tory vote like a lemon because we hate risk of liability and are bound by rules that give proportional airtime to cheap party promotions based on the share of the vote, plus a bit more against a PM because we always think he/she sucks and that avoids complaints. Plus we just dumb everything down to Red/Yellow/Blue while hiding a decent research of what would happen to our economy and our overseas workers abroad if we left the EU vs the savings. Overall we’re confident this strategy to make a minority of UKIP supporters kick out David Cameron while never winning a seat and keep all the big other two funders backing up, sexually as well sometimes. Plus it helps I’m from South Wales. Bye now! Now I’m leaving for good this fake and staged set-up and going home to retire for good in Maida Vale.


  28. 143
    Huhne's QC says:

    I knew he did it.


Seen Elsewhere

How Avoidable Scandals Destroy Stupid Politicians | Alex Wickham
UKIP Mosque Confusion | The Week
Let’s Ban the Word Internet | Padraig Reidy
Are the Broadcasters Ready For the Election? | Specccie
Moral Bankruptcy of the BBC | David Keighley
UKIP’s ‘Starsky and Hutch’ | Total Politics
Innocent Sun Journo Just Doing Her Job | Sun
Boris Sent Up North | Times
The Only Way to Mend the EU | Leo McKinstry
Northern Labour Tearing Party Apart | David Aaronovitch
Osborne is Son of Brown | Peter Oborne

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