Friday Caption Contest: Going Underground Edition
How Mervyn King Lost Bank Battle War | WSJ
BBC Corporation Tax Horror Story | IEA
Sally Bercow Judgement in Full | Mr Justice Tugendhat
Commies Blame Capitalism For Terror Attack | The Commentator
Lord Black v Press Regulation | Guardian
Osborne’s Complacency | FT
DWP’s Welfare Failings | Isabel Hardman
Get Used to Coalitions | David Aaronovitch
Woolwich a Showcase in the Banality of Evil | Fraser Nelson
The Enemy Within | Max Hastings
Muslim Led Military-Style Free School Needed | Toby Young
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Ed Balls stretches credulity by claiming he isn’t ambitious…
“I would love to be part of Ed’s Labour government but what I do next for me is not an all-consuming passion. I’m more bothered, in a personal sense, about getting to grade 8 piano by the time I’m 50.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Who’s had one’s wallet?
PoW:what’s this thingy?
Lackey: it’s called an overcoat sire
Camilla: have you got the thermos?
Chas: erm I wondered why this coat thingy was so wet
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/glenn-beck-taunts-piers-morgan-for-rating-lower-than-rupauls-drag-race/
Camilla: “Don’t worry old thingy….I might just have a deodorant spray in my bag”
Where are my blasted gloves?
Oh lovely http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4773014/Sally-Bercow-gets-her-first-Big-Fat-Tattoo.html
Thet Lidl deodorant isn’t up to much Camilla – its meking one’s jacket smell like a horses thing.
I must have been rather keen on her because I took her to see… India! At the Oval… fine match, marvellous finish… now, Surrey had to get thirty-three in about half an hour… she went off to powder her… powder her hands or something… women… er… never came back. I do wish I could remember her name. She’s still got my wallet.
Ive lost my blasted copy of the Metro darling..
I told you not to talk to the Gypsies on Bond Street
“‘Ave you got a ticket Sir?”
Well I am sure I put our tickets in this pocket officer
“You mean i was not meant to eat that Oyster card thing?”
I thought I had them in my pocket
“I could have sworn I had my wallet at Westminster…”
We are in the tunnel…Repeat, we are in the tunnel.
“I think Mummy’s still breathing, Camilla. We’ll have to get off her and strangle her instead.”
Dqammit woman, where did you put those Freedom Pases?
Mrs. Wales.
“Don’t bother looking for it, you have never had a wallet. a bit like your role in life”
I did buy a ticket, honest guv – I had it right here a minute ago…
Joe Walker is alive and well
It’s those damn Romanian pickpockets again
“Quick the conductors coming pretend we haven’t noticed him; this tube hopping is such fun!”
Yes I’m sorry Camilla, one did not put deoderant on this morning. I thought that’s what one does when travelling on the tube.
“Andrew took the helicopter again! I’m going to call mama”
Andy took MY helicopter you mean
Um.. Camilla, have you got any change for when one tips the driver?
Even by the grubby standards of the guardian, this is absolute garbage.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/31/its-islamic-dont-panic
Going on the Underground to Kings Cross. What rot, I’m cross because I’m still the Prince of Wales
Where’s my condom?
Sorry
That should read
A corrupted Kingdom for my condom
Why, you want some of my botty again?
A horse, a horse; a condom for my horse.
I’m confused. Princess Anne isn’t in the picture.
Hang on, this is Harry’s coat, it’s got one of those thong things in the pocket..
“No darling, I don’t have one on me and I told you before I don’t want to be your Tampon any more!”
Some people might say my life is in a rut,
But I’m quite happy with what I got
People might say that I should strive for more,
But I’m so happy I can’t see the point.
Rut rutter rutting
All in the past sadly….
Don’t go telling me it’s all right Chas, think of all my trees getting the chop for HS2!
That’s not it, no pong here.
”Mind the Sap”
I say, some oik’s nicked one’s iPod!
If one wafts the overcoat about, hopefully the smell of ones aftershave will hide the smell of the fowl fart ones mistress to Mrs has just dropped.
“Charles! I’ve found a severed hand in my handbag! Did you put it there?”
That really is a quite dreadful underarm deodorant darling and its making my eyes water! Handkerchief where are you?
arrgh , ones pocket has been picked
He last took the Tube in 1972 FFS
No…
The last time he took the Tube was when it was opened 150 years ago
He sat on Queen Victoria’s knees
That’s not a tube. It’s an underground train on the Metropolitan, which isn’t a tube (tunnelled) line.
Charles can’t find his free Standard
My valet didn’t give me a bath this morning.
I’m sure Mummy gave me the crown…
Cheap watch guv’nor? Rolex and Tag this side, and a good line in Cartier and Patek Phillippe on the other. No VAT, no guarantee, no questions, all off the back of a lorry dahn the docks – so wots it to be then me old china?
“That’s strange– I was wearing the shoulder holster this morning; what on earth could have happened to it?”
‘First trip on ones Metropolitan Railway and one of those common people has stolen ones Oyster Card. I think it was that strange person Cammy, you know the one with hair like a haystack’.
Yes….It has become clear that the carriage has irretrievably broken down.
I’ve done it again
I am a flatulist (pétomane in French for the connaisseurs)
http://bit.ly/U4mZu6 THE quiet dignity of a court session was abruptly disturbed when someone loudly broke wind in the public gallery.
Nobody apologised for the noisy interruption – and there were anxious looks from people nearby who feared they might get the blame. Grimsby magistrates pretended they had not heard a thing, and in a seemingly unrelated incident a few minutes later, all the lights went out for a few seconds before flickering back on again.
OMG
Will the lights go out when I do it again?
Throughout my Kingdom you mean?
It runs in the family
In degrees of sheer ordure, it would appear
The E U defines the meaning of diarrhoea
Freedom from that morass of effluvium
Ain’t gonna come from any LibLabCon bum
Royal wife breaks with convention and survives tunnel journey.
“somebody has put corgi poop in my handbag”
I fumble for change – and pull out the Queen
Smiling, beguiling
We need a bit of this to brighten up our day Gwido
Some nice colonial titties worthy of Dirty Desmondo
It’s an Oyster Card, dear, not an oxter card.
+1
Where is this bloody mobile that keeps ringing?
“Flash!” ahhh haaaa Master of My Universe!
“It looks as though Mumsy didn’t sew my name inside this overcoat; are we even sure it’s mine, Camilla? Wouldn’t do for the King-in-waiting to be grabbing someone else’s overcoat– it just isn’t done, don’t you know?”
We just don’t have a clue.
“Where on earth has my wallet gone?”
Exposure Therapy: Camilla bravely confronts her tunnel phobia.
Funniest moment on last night’s Question Time, on the subject of where to dump nuclear waste, one member of the audience said “why don’t we give it to Scotland and in return give them their independence?”
Charles realised that he had missed out on the steam train on the Metropolitian Line.
‘It’s alright dear, I’ve cut out the Primark label ‘
Camilla, does one look good in my new Cashmere Onesie.
I think this seat stinks of pee.
POW: Oh my, where has that ferret gone?
PoW – “You naughty ho, I’ve got a stain like a map of Africa inside my coat now. Pass me a tissue.”
Golly, I should go to Leeds now i appear to have grown a Moob
“I believe the way it is ordinarily done on the Tube, dearest, is to lower one’s trousers and pants, stand up, and THEN to open up one’s overcoat!”
Charles and Camilla quickly learned to avoid eye contact.
Hey left nipple, what do you think of the tit on the right?
No you had the tampons dear.
One can’t find ones Dr Dre’s
Is it really only a year ago that Butch boasted of his newest recruit?
@10.30
Charles: I’m sure I put CaMoron’s spine and bolloc#s in here somewhere ?
Charlie: Ooops, twist.
When I left the palace I’m sure I was wearing a onesie.
“Ones iphone has been lifted”
“Should I put the wanking gloves away”,”May as well its as dead as a dodo down there”
‘Oh! Daahlin’ phocking pickpockets have been at me!’
Camilla hides Charlies glove puppet in her handbag.
Hey, the lable says from Jimmy Savile not Savile Row
Oh Bugger!!!.. l seem to have picked up daddy’s topcoat thingy
This Oyster card thingy… Is it the same as a bearded clam?
I’m searchingfor a right tit. Oh no, it’s my left!
Camilla: These bananas are past their sell-by date
Charles: Hello, little leprechaun
“By 2016, train fares had risen to such an extent that celebrities and even royalty had ditched their chauffeurs in favour of travelling via Southern Rail.”
One ought to have an iphone to play with.
Mind the sap.
Wheres my pen the graffiti in needs beefing up
Wheres my pen the graffiti needs beefing up
Look at the pair of old tits.
http://opensourcetory.com/is-george-in-the-firing-line/?fb_source=pubv1
“What the fuck is that Godawful smell?”
“Now where did I put those plans for Georgian pediments on tube trains?”
“We apologise for the continued delay in the Succession, which has been rescheduled for approximately 2025. Thank you for your patience..”
I had some postcards for sale but they appear to have disappeared.
“Oh dear, no! A photographer.. and one’s forgotten one’s side-arm.. Camilla, dearest – have you brought your revolver?”
“What’s that song on one’s Ipod? London Underground (London Underground), they’re all lazy fucking useless Hunts. ”
Oh no hang on, that’s me…
Old bloke: “I’ve got Golden Virginia, Amber Leaf and Cutters Choice. 50g packs, £7.00 each”
Lady: “Hold on, just get me purse, I’ll take 5 Golden Virginia”
Love it. Best of the lot.
Right Charlie : “Christ luv – just to show some empathy with the damned plebs we have to take a 2 minute tube journey … still won’t have to do it again for another 33 years – wot ho!”
“If it is not one’s oyster card…then what is it that smells of fish”
Bloody hell, someone’s nicked one’s medals!
Bloke: “Hello, coat. Hello, handkerchief. Hello, tie…huh huh huh..I’m going to be King one day…huh huh wibble”
Woman: “Oh God, why do they always sit by me?”
PoW: ‘Yes, of course I’ve got the Divine Right. It’s here somewhere.’
DiC: ‘Poor Diana, now i understand what she went through with this pathetic loon.’
Do I really have to give up one seat for a less abled person?
Damn, I’m sure I had my fob watch when I left the Palace.
‘Nice bit of shmutter this, I think I’ll have it’
‘And they left some gloves behind’
..’we should come down here more often. The pickings are good’.
Oh Lawks! Look what Richard Rogers put in my pocket whilst my coat was hanging in the cloakroom…
Charles, talking to plants is seen as mildly eccentric. Talking to your armpit is just plain weird.
‘ I think one pongs a bit’
“Is it me darling, or does this seat smell of piss?”
“Tunnel’s haven’t been one’s strong point in the past. I hope the driver is sober and English”
“Eeer Charlie, ‘ave you seen my glasses ……..I know I ‘ad them on the bus”
No, its not my fart!
“Tunnels were never ones strong point”
Where the fuck is my 9 mili?
“is the driver English and sober?”
“How do pigeons manage to do that inside the bloody tube”
After adverse publicity, future King looks for his share of National Debt”
….Hang on. I keep a photo of her all mangled amidst the wreckage… it’s in my inside pocket….
No Camilla, I don’t want a Worthers Original this jacket is cutting me in half.
Darling, have you got a deodorant handy?
Ball or aerosol, Charles?
Neither, darling, it’s under arm I need.
I TOLD you dear, they are all in my pocket.
Blast, Camilla, some bloody immigrant has stolen my wallet
“So Camilla, when they said they were going to give us those Oysters, One was kind of wondering what they were expecting us to do next on public transportation of all places? Then one learned they were travel cards, and could hardly be more relieved!”
The next station is Tower Hill where this reign terminates.
Did you bring the travel mints?
Damn that Guido Fawkes. I used to have the Cabinet Office in my pocket.
No, Charles, we’re not going Dutch.
http://fxbites.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/going-dutch.html
Camilla: “Last time you said we should get the tube, it was a tube of KY Royal Jelly you meant”.
Don’t worry, Charles — this is the last place the reporters will be looking for us.
Psst! you want feelthy pictures? I got watches, very nice, real Rolex, change money? I change you money, very good rate, etc etc
“Urgh, something jumped”
I say, did you guff, Cam, or was it me?
“Quick, look busy and the blasted busker might not bother us!”
Your brain darling? No, I haven’t got it either.
Harry Potty and his Hobbit
Warning ! The London tube may contain Horse !
“My name? er, ahem, yes I’ll just check my name tag”
A cylindrical object inside a tube !
It reminds one of when i wanted to be your tampon
Damn…where did I put those sugarlumps…..?
“Have you got the Oyster Card, dear?”
Just checking one has ones Colt .38 Snub Nose Special in case we bump into that awful pleb Bob Crow.
Why the long face?
Well I never noticed that the old boy wears a “pinky” ring favoured by made men and pimps, says it all really.
Do you mean the age old tradition of wearing a signet ring? Dear boy, your ignorance precedes you.
Charles: Do you hear that? Where is it coming from?
Camilla: It’s her again!
Charles: Yes – that damned woman, why can’t she stay dead.
Camilla: It’s all echoy, like she’s still in the tunnel
I think you’ve put the tampon in my Oyster
Never mind that Charles, this new Rabbit is brilliant.
Its the morning jacket, it must be morning
“Can anyone else smell urine?”
Well I was going to have a nice chat but some bugger’s stolen my buttonhole.
Charles – Of Course this King’s Cross, I’m not King yet
or Charles – Harry’s definately back, he’s pissed in the pocket again.
One is a trifle hot , wheres my butler to remove ones coat ?
I don’t smell horse face
“Mornington Crescent!”
“The bloody speaking tube must be somewhere.”
“Don’t fuss dear, I’m sure the chauffeur knows where he is going”
“I’m talking to the fungus”.
“We must get off soon before it crosses the channel”
“No Iv just checked the label still says Prince not King I though I heard on the BBC that Queen has abdicated in favor of son”
“That was Holland dearest”
“I told you not to use Old Spice.”
“Yes I know it’s dark in there. I’ll plant you when we get home. The whole seed packet, promise.”