February 1st, 2013

Friday Caption Contest: Going Underground Edition


181 Comments

  1. 1
    When I was a lad I served a term as office boy to an attorney's firm... says:

    Who’s had one’s wallet?

    Like

  2. 2
    Attila the Huhne says:

    “‘Ave you got a ticket Sir?”

    Like

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    “You mean i was not meant to eat that Oyster card thing?”

    Like

  4. 4

    I thought I had them in my pocket

    Like

  5. 5
    Mat says:

    “I could have sworn I had my wallet at Westminster…”

    Like

  6. 6

    We are in the tunnel…Repeat, we are in the tunnel.

    Like

  7. 7

    “I think Mummy’s still breathing, Camilla. We’ll have to get off her and strangle her instead.”

    Like

  8. 8
    Bugler Bert says:

    Dqammit woman, where did you put those Freedom Pases?

    Like

  9. 9
    SP4BS says:

    Mrs. Wales.

    “Don’t bother looking for it, you have never had a wallet. a bit like your role in life”

    Like

  10. 10
    Martin Houlden says:

    I did buy a ticket, honest guv – I had it right here a minute ago…

    Like

  11. 11
    Steve Miliband says:

    Joe Walker is alive and well

    Like

  12. 12
    Gabi Coleman says:

    It’s those damn Romanian pickpockets again :-(

    Like

  13. 13
    Mrs Entity says:

    “Quick the conductors coming pretend we haven’t noticed him; this tube hopping is such fun!”

    Like

  14. 14
    Mr Rotivator says:

    Yes I’m sorry Camilla, one did not put deoderant on this morning. I thought that’s what one does when travelling on the tube.

    Like

  15. 15
    Andrew England says:

    “Andrew took the helicopter again! I’m going to call mama”

    Like

  16. 16
    I Squiggle says:

    Um.. Camilla, have you got any change for when one tips the driver?

    Like

  17. 17
    guardian apologia for islam says:

    Even by the grubby standards of the guardian, this is absolute garbage.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/31/its-islamic-dont-panic

    Like

  18. 18
    Ghost of Greg Stone. says:

    Going on the Underground to Kings Cross. What rot, I’m cross because I’m still the Prince of Wales

    Like

  19. 19
    Big Ears says:

    Where’s my condom?

    Like

  20. 20
    I Squiggle says:

    Hang on, this is Harry’s coat, it’s got one of those thong things in the pocket..

    Like

    • 170
      Gone to hell in a handbasket says:

      “No darling, I don’t have one on me and I told you before I don’t want to be your Tampon any more!”

      Like

  21. 21
    Steve Miliband says:

    Some people might say my life is in a rut,
    But I’m quite happy with what I got
    People might say that I should strive for more,
    But I’m so happy I can’t see the point.

    Like

  22. 23
    Treebeard says:

    Don’t go telling me it’s all right Chas, think of all my trees getting the chop for HS2!

    Like

  23. 25
    Anonymous says:

    That’s not it, no pong here.

    Like

  24. 27
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”Mind the Sap”

    Like

  25. 28
    Guy de Lusignan says:

    I say, some oik’s nicked one’s iPod!

    Like

  26. 30
    Yawn! says:

    If one wafts the overcoat about, hopefully the smell of ones aftershave will hide the smell of the fowl fart ones mistress to Mrs has just dropped.

    Like

  27. 31
    Mr Rotivator says:

    “Charles! I’ve found a severed hand in my handbag! Did you put it there?”

    Like

  28. 32
    moriarty says:

    That really is a quite dreadful underarm deodorant darling and its making my eyes water! Handkerchief where are you?

    Like

  29. 33
    roundell says:

    arrgh , ones pocket has been picked

    Like

  30. 34
    Abolish the wreched monarchy says:

    He last took the Tube in 1972 FFS

    Like

    • 38
      Historian of our times says:

      No…

      The last time he took the Tube was when it was opened 150 years ago

      He sat on Queen Victoria’s knees

      Like

    • 97
      Duty pedant says:

      That’s not a tube. It’s an underground train on the Metropolitan, which isn’t a tube (tunnelled) line.

      Like

  31. 35
    Steve Miliband says:

    Charles can’t find his free Standard

    Like

  32. 36
    Clive says:

    My valet didn’t give me a bath this morning.

    Like

  33. 37

    I’m sure Mummy gave me the crown…

    Like

    • 164
      Pickled Wizard says:

      Cheap watch guv’nor? Rolex and Tag this side, and a good line in Cartier and Patek Phillippe on the other. No VAT, no guarantee, no questions, all off the back of a lorry dahn the docks – so wots it to be then me old china?

      Like

  34. 39
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “That’s strange– I was wearing the shoulder holster this morning; what on earth could have happened to it?”

    Like

  35. 40
    Fishy says:

    ‘First trip on ones Metropolitan Railway and one of those common people has stolen ones Oyster Card. I think it was that strange person Cammy, you know the one with hair like a haystack’.

    Like

  36. 41
    Biff says:

    Yes….It has become clear that the carriage has irretrievably broken down.

    Like

  37. 42
    The pétomane says:

    I’ve done it again

    I am a flatulist (pétomane in French for the connaisseurs)

    Like

    • 55
      Lilly the Pink says:

      http://bit.ly/U4mZu6 THE quiet dignity of a court session was abruptly disturbed when someone loudly broke wind in the public gallery.

      Nobody apologised for the noisy interruption – and there were anxious looks from people nearby who feared they might get the blame. Grimsby magistrates pretended they had not heard a thing, and in a seemingly unrelated incident a few minutes later, all the lights went out for a few seconds before flickering back on again.

      Like

    • 57
      albacore says:

      In degrees of sheer ordure, it would appear
      The E U defines the meaning of diarrhoea
      Freedom from that morass of effluvium
      Ain’t gonna come from any LibLabCon bum

      Like

  38. 43
    Louise Mensch says:

    Like

  39. 44
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Royal wife breaks with convention and survives tunnel journey.

    Like

  40. 45
    rumpleforeskin says:

    “somebody has put corgi poop in my handbag”

    Like

  41. 46
    marmalade says:

    I fumble for change – and pull out the Queen
    Smiling, beguiling

    Like

  42. 47
    The pétomane says:

    We need a bit of this to brighten up our day Gwido

    Some nice colonial titties worthy of Dirty Desmondo

    Like

  43. 48
    obangobang says:

    It’s an Oyster Card, dear, not an oxter card.

    Like

  44. 50
    Pundit too too says:

    Where is this bloody mobile that keeps ringing?

    Like

  45. 51
    Metro says:

    “Flash!” ahhh haaaa Master of My Universe!

    Like

  46. 52
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “It looks as though Mumsy didn’t sew my name inside this overcoat; are we even sure it’s mine, Camilla? Wouldn’t do for the King-in-waiting to be grabbing someone else’s overcoat– it just isn’t done, don’t you know?”

    Like

  47. 53
    SR says:

    We just don’t have a clue.

    Like

  48. 54
    Cward says:

    “Where on earth has my wallet gone?”

    Like

  49. 56
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Exposure Therapy: Camilla bravely confronts her tunnel phobia.

    Like

  50. 61
    LOL says:

    Funniest moment on last night’s Question Time, on the subject of where to dump nuclear waste, one member of the audience said “why don’t we give it to Scotland and in return give them their independence?”

    Like

  51. 62
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Charles realised that he had missed out on the steam train on the Metropolitian Line.

    Like

  52. 63
    Anonymous says:

    Like

  53. 64
    Gonk III says:

    ‘It’s alright dear, I’ve cut out the Primark label ‘

    Like

  54. 65
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Camilla, does one look good in my new Cashmere Onesie.

    Like

  55. 66
    Down the tubes says:

    I think this seat stinks of pee.

    Like

  56. 67
    @nby83 says:

    POW: Oh my, where has that ferret gone?

    Like

  57. 68
    macduffer says:

    PoW – “You naughty ho, I’ve got a stain like a map of Africa inside my coat now. Pass me a tissue.”

    Like

  58. 69
    Potkettle says:

    Golly, I should go to Leeds now i appear to have grown a Moob

    Like

  59. 70
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “I believe the way it is ordinarily done on the Tube, dearest, is to lower one’s trousers and pants, stand up, and THEN to open up one’s overcoat!”

    Like

  60. 71
    Hilary Spurling says:

    Charles and Camilla quickly learned to avoid eye contact.

    Like

  61. 72
    Big dave says:

    Hey left nipple, what do you think of the tit on the right?

    Like

  62. 74
    Jimmy says:

    No you had the tampons dear.

    Like

  63. 77
    Steve Miliband says:

    One can’t find ones Dr Dre’s

    Like

  64. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Like

  65. 79
    Got a new crayon says:

    Charlie: Ooops, twist.

    Like

  66. 81
    Matt says:

    When I left the palace I’m sure I was wearing a onesie.

    Like

  67. 82
    Observer says:

    “Ones iphone has been lifted”

    Like

  68. 83
    graham smith says:

    “Should I put the wanking gloves away”,”May as well its as dead as a dodo down there”

    Like

  69. 84
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘Oh! Daahlin’ phocking pickpockets have been at me!’

    Like

  70. 85
    old SHEP says:

    Camilla hides Charlies glove puppet in her handbag.

    Like

  71. 87
    Bill Wagstick says:

    Hey, the lable says from Jimmy Savile not Savile Row

    Like

  72. 88
    alextaylor says:

    Oh Bugger!!!.. l seem to have picked up daddy’s topcoat thingy

    Like

  73. 89
    Anonymous says:

    This Oyster card thingy… Is it the same as a bearded clam?

    Like

  74. 90
    Anonymous says:

    I’m searchingfor a right tit. Oh no, it’s my left!

    Like

  75. 91
    old SHEP says:

    Camilla: These bananas are past their sell-by date
    Charles: Hello, little leprechaun

    Like

  76. 92

    “By 2016, train fares had risen to such an extent that celebrities and even royalty had ditched their chauffeurs in favour of travelling via Southern Rail.”

    Like

  77. 93
    Willer says:

    One ought to have an iphone to play with.

    Like

  78. 95
    Anonymous says:

    Mind the sap.

    Like

  79. 96
    Moby Dick says:

    Wheres my pen the graffiti in needs beefing up

    Like

  80. 98
    Moby Dick says:

    Wheres my pen the graffiti needs beefing up

    Like

  81. 99
    Leopold Stotch says:

    Look at the pair of old tits.

    Like

  82. 100
  83. 101
    restore the monasteries says:

    “What the fuck is that Godawful smell?”

    Like

  84. 102
    Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

    “Now where did I put those plans for Georgian pediments on tube trains?”

    Like

  85. 103
    Sir William says:

    “We apologise for the continued delay in the Succession, which has been rescheduled for approximately 2025. Thank you for your patience..”

    Like

  86. 104
    Anonymous says:

    I had some postcards for sale but they appear to have disappeared.

    Like

  87. 106
    Alastair Campbell Murderer says:

    “Oh dear, no! A photographer.. and one’s forgotten one’s side-arm.. Camilla, dearest – have you brought your revolver?”

    Like

  88. 107
    Gobfrey Shrdlu says:

    “What’s that song on one’s Ipod? London Underground (London Underground), they’re all lazy fucking useless Hunts. ”

    Oh no hang on, that’s me…

    Like

  89. 108
    davo says:

    Old bloke: “I’ve got Golden Virginia, Amber Leaf and Cutters Choice. 50g packs, £7.00 each”
    Lady: “Hold on, just get me purse, I’ll take 5 Golden Virginia”

    Like

  90. 109
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Right Charlie : “Christ luv – just to show some empathy with the damned plebs we have to take a 2 minute tube journey … still won’t have to do it again for another 33 years – wot ho!”

    Like

  91. 111
    JSee says:

    “If it is not one’s oyster card…then what is it that smells of fish”

    Like

  92. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Bloody hell, someone’s nicked one’s medals!

    Like

  93. 113
    bondini says:

    Bloke: “Hello, coat. Hello, handkerchief. Hello, tie…huh huh huh..I’m going to be King one day…huh huh wibble”
    Woman: “Oh God, why do they always sit by me?”

    Like

  94. 115
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    PoW: ‘Yes, of course I’ve got the Divine Right. It’s here somewhere.’

    DiC: ‘Poor Diana, now i understand what she went through with this pathetic loon.’

    Like

  95. 117
    Anonymous says:

    Do I really have to give up one seat for a less abled person?

    Like

  96. 118
    Man from middle earth says:

    Damn, I’m sure I had my fob watch when I left the Palace.

    Like

  97. 119
    They Royal His 'n' Hers Highnesses says:

    ‘Nice bit of shmutter this, I think I’ll have it’

    ‘And they left some gloves behind’

    ..’we should come down here more often. The pickings are good’.

    Like

  98. 122

    Oh Lawks! Look what Richard Rogers put in my pocket whilst my coat was hanging in the cloakroom…

    Like

  99. 123

    Charles, talking to plants is seen as mildly eccentric. Talking to your armpit is just plain weird.

    Like

  100. 124
    magna says:

    ‘ I think one pongs a bit’

    Like

  101. 125
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “Is it me darling, or does this seat smell of piss?”

    Like

  102. 126
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “Tunnel’s haven’t been one’s strong point in the past. I hope the driver is sober and English”

    Like

  103. 127
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “Eeer Charlie, ‘ave you seen my glasses ……..I know I ‘ad them on the bus”

    Like

  104. 128
    NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH says:

    No, its not my fart!

    Like

  105. 129
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “Tunnels were never ones strong point”

    Like

  106. 130
    Robert peston's speech therapist says:

    Where the fuck is my 9 mili?

    Like

  107. 131
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “is the driver English and sober?”

    Like

  108. 132
    damned impertinent questions says:

    “How do pigeons manage to do that inside the bloody tube”

    Like

  109. 133
    damned impertinent questions says:

    After adverse publicity, future King looks for his share of National Debt”

    Like

  110. 134
    SaltPetre says:

    ….Hang on. I keep a photo of her all mangled amidst the wreckage… it’s in my inside pocket….

    Like

  111. 135
    Geordieboy says:

    No Camilla, I don’t want a Worthers Original this jacket is cutting me in half.

    Like

  112. 136
    Barry says:

    Darling, have you got a deodorant handy?

    Ball or aerosol, Charles?

    Neither, darling, it’s under arm I need.

    Like

  113. 137
    wherez a cromwell says:

    I TOLD you dear, they are all in my pocket.

    Like

  114. 138
    King MacArthur says:

    Blast, Camilla, some bloody immigrant has stolen my wallet

    Like

  115. 139
    Peter Grant says:

    “So Camilla, when they said they were going to give us those Oysters, One was kind of wondering what they were expecting us to do next on public transportation of all places? Then one learned they were travel cards, and could hardly be more relieved!”

    Like

  116. 140
    Anonymous says:

    The next station is Tower Hill where this reign terminates.

    Like

  117. 141
    Weybridgeman says:

    Did you bring the travel mints?

    Like

  118. 142
    Expat Ian says:

    Damn that Guido Fawkes. I used to have the Cabinet Office in my pocket.

    Like

  119. 143
  120. 144
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Camilla: “Last time you said we should get the tube, it was a tube of KY Royal Jelly you meant”.

    Like

  121. 145
    Tim Williamson says:

    Don’t worry, Charles — this is the last place the reporters will be looking for us.

    Like

  122. 146
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Psst! you want feelthy pictures? I got watches, very nice, real Rolex, change money? I change you money, very good rate, etc etc

    Like

  123. 147
    marcia says:

    “Urgh, something jumped”

    Like

  124. 148
    Lord Lupin says:

    I say, did you guff, Cam, or was it me?

    Like

  125. 149
    Anonymous says:

    “Quick, look busy and the blasted busker might not bother us!”

    Like

  126. 150
    South of the M4 says:

    Your brain darling? No, I haven’t got it either.

    Like

  127. 151
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD and COD FATHER of SOLE says:

    Harry Potty and his Hobbit

    Like

  128. 152
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD and COD FATHER of SOLE says:

    Warning ! The London tube may contain Horse !

    Like

  129. 153
    Mr Rotivator says:

    “My name? er, ahem, yes I’ll just check my name tag”

    Like

  130. 154
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD and COD FATHER of SOLE says:

    A cylindrical object inside a tube !
    It reminds one of when i wanted to be your tampon

    Like

  131. 155
    John Prescott's Ringpiece says:

    Damn…where did I put those sugarlumps…..?

    Like

  132. 156
    YorkshireLad says:

    “Have you got the Oyster Card, dear?”

    Like

  133. 157
    Charlie Wales says:

    Just checking one has ones Colt .38 Snub Nose Special in case we bump into that awful pleb Bob Crow.

    Like

  134. 158
    Charles says:

    Why the long face?

    Like

  135. 159
    Wok Gon - Guru of Style says:

    Well I never noticed that the old boy wears a “pinky” ring favoured by made men and pimps, says it all really.

    Like

    • 168
      (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

      Do you mean the age old tradition of wearing a signet ring? Dear boy, your ignorance precedes you.

      Like

  136. 160
    M Fayad says:

    Charles: Do you hear that? Where is it coming from?
    Camilla: It’s her again!
    Charles: Yes – that damned woman, why can’t she stay dead.
    Camilla: It’s all echoy, like she’s still in the tunnel

    Like

  137. 161
    I'll have some of that says:

    I think you’ve put the tampon in my Oyster

    Like

  138. 162
    Patrick says:

    Never mind that Charles, this new Rabbit is brilliant.

    Like

  139. 165
    Anonymous says:

    Its the morning jacket, it must be morning

    Like

  140. 166
    Horsey Lover says:

    “Can anyone else smell urine?”

    Like

  141. 167
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Well I was going to have a nice chat but some bugger’s stolen my buttonhole.

    Like

  142. 169
    djh says:

    Charles – Of Course this King’s Cross, I’m not King yet

    or Charles – Harry’s definately back, he’s pissed in the pocket again.

    Like

  143. 171
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD and COD FATHER of SOLE says:

    One is a trifle hot , wheres my butler to remove ones coat ?

    Like

  144. 172
    maggie the dog says:

    I don’t smell horse face

    Like

  145. 173
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    “Mornington Crescent!”

    Like

  146. 174
    NorthernGrouse says:

    “The bloody speaking tube must be somewhere.”

    “Don’t fuss dear, I’m sure the chauffeur knows where he is going”

    Like

  147. 175
    Rightallalong says:

    “I’m talking to the fungus”.

    Like

  148. 176
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    “We must get off soon before it crosses the channel”

    Like

  149. 177
    The man who would be King says:

    “No Iv just checked the label still says Prince not King I though I heard on the BBC that Queen has abdicated in favor of son”

    “That was Holland dearest”

    Like

  150. 180
    Linx says:

    “I told you not to use Old Spice.”

    Like

  151. 181
    Jack the Ripper says:

    “Yes I know it’s dark in there. I’ll plant you when we get home. The whole seed packet, promise.”

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

What Will Happen if Scots Leave? | David Aaronovitch
Why Are Radicals Like Carswell Leaving Tories? | BBC
Danczuk: Rotherham Abuse Imported From Pakistan | Telegraph
Ashya King Case Shows How Authorities Get it Wrong | ConHome
The Carswell Show | Jon Craig
Cops Seized Journalist’s Phone to Out Whistleblower | Press Gazette
Chuka’s £2,500 Tax Avoidance Donation | Times
Another BBC Stitch Up? | David Keighley
Divided, Pessimistic Tories Expect Defeat | Alex Wickham
Labour Suspends Rotherham Council Members | Sky
PM Used Terror Crisis to Deflect From Carswell | Rachel Sylvester


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We also need Zil lanes.


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