Friday Caption Contest (LibDem Electoral Prospects Edition)
If Dave Were President He’d Have Resigned By Now | Alex Wickham
Loongate: What Happened in the Blue Boar Bar | Simon Walters
Lib Dems Should Support EU Referendum | LibDemVoice
Feldman’s Denial | Fraser Nelson
Obama’s Presidency is Imploding | Nile Gardiner
Miliband Could Be a Great PM | Thomas Pascoe
What Are You Really Paying in Income Tax? | TPA
Galloway’s Mad Month | The Commentator
Murdoch: Facebook is the New MySpace | Telegraph
Clegg’s Manifesto Referendum Pledge Spin Unravels | ConHome
Coalition Here to Stay | Ben Brogan
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Tom Harris bemoans the public’s attitude to politicians…
“Mr Oborne echoes the lazy, anti-politics whine we hear so often these days, all based on the absurd notion that politicians were once loved and only fell out of public favour during the expenses scandal. He should take a walk to the Strangers’ Bar. But not to sup with the patrons he seems to despise so much, dearie me, no; he should instead look at the paintings on the corridor outside the bar, which depict the devastating fire which consumed most of the Palace in 1834. And he should reflect on the fact that on that dramatic night, as the Commons went up in flames, a crowd gathered on the South Bank to clap and cheer.”
Focus group time. says:
The thing that Dave needs to work out is which group is more likely to vote Conservative. Mad swivel-eyed loons or mad homosexuals wishing to get married.
Clegg “I would say it was about 8 inches”
In 2015 I will be a bricklayers.
Adequate to prevent criticism, but I usually ignore the plebs.
You forgot the damp course.
“Can you shift it a bit to the left? …………. No, further ……….. More …….. More yet ……. Quite a bit further, actually”
“We’ve run out of wall, guv”
“…and as Dave climbed back over the wall into Number 10 at midnight I gave him a little pinch like this!”
Another prick in the wall.
How come, in G8 UK is the only country were finance ministry is run by a towel folder and PR guy?
Now these two seems to be blaming OBR for making wrong forecast. As far as I know OBR forecast are based on numbers these too gave them and the explanation these two gave them. Even if OBR had been miss leading them all these years why don’t they sack OBR.
Not sure you’ll win the caption contest with that
Nor the spelling contest.
Clegg: I know how to do a good Nazi symbol.
This is your new office, Mr Clegg.
Clegg: You have a nice plum, Bob?
Excellent, I don’t see Huhne getting out of there in a hurry
“Yeah, brick. Rhymes with Nick. And prick.”
Clegg: “You didn’t build that”
Brickie: And you didn’t lead that.
You see – just like David was telling you. Arbeit Macht Frei!!!
Invisible Man’s prostate declared cancer free by Clegg.
Subtle.
+ many
Is this at a Foundation Trust hospital?
Clegg: Good effort..but slight misunderstanding. When I asked you to build me a rock solid Lib Dem app ..i meant it to be about this size
Clegg: I think those bricks could do with being a little higher
I asked for biodegradable bricks and letters made from compressed garden mulch you idiots
Clegg demonstrates exactly how he operates Sarah Teather.
“All in all he’s just another prick in the wall.”
Excellent! I was working on something like that, but this is great! Thanks for saving me the trouble of thinking – it means I can get on with my work…
I’m not touring with you again.
Damn right you’re not! I need someone who can actually play the thing like David Gilmour. Actually , I need David Gilmour himself, as all the guitarists I use are hopeless.
Go back to being Wide Eyed And Legless, you Natural Sinner!
and den dave ‘as said we is to like brick it up wiv yous in it, innit
You hum it, I’ll play it. By the way, this is the obvious winner.
You may well wish to know that there is no ‘p’ in the Arabic alphabet.
So, when an arab calls you a brick, he really means you are a brick.
Lib dems throw in the trowel
…and thereby create a new pattern: The English Double-Cross Bond.
Very good.
Eton Wall game not what it was
FFS you spell it – u b e r f u h r e r
OK?
And you are sure Huhne won’t be able to get out?
“All in all it’s just a… nother prick with no balls”
‘This is just the sort of capital spending that we can afford’
NC: “I thought it was Chris Huhne for a moment there! Mind you, not the first time somebody’s said that apparently!”
So the Glory Hole goes about here, not sure Dave is that tall?
Clegg to star in WALL-Y remake.
Clegg “I was this close to getting my kids to to go to a state school, but now they won’t end up with a job like yours”
Nick ” I’m not sure that the swastika should be there, kindly check that with Owen Jones,he knows about everything.”
We need to disguise the writing on the wall and paper over all those cracks
And I proudly open this tax payer funded state of the art 200,000 sq ft mosque in Birminghamp
You said you wanted a couple of Es.
The wall appears to be finished. So, what are they actually doing?
Nick is bricking himself, one imagines…
Nick: “And when the fabulous EU forces us – sorry ‘encourages’ us – to ‘welcome’ several million more East Europeans from Jan 1st next year, your chances of getting work in the construction industry will be this tiny!”
(Thought bubble) I really hope this policy of giving the vote to 16yr old school leavers (not going to University) will shore up our collapsing vote. It’s ghastly having to meet them though!
Nick “This gag from Owen Jones had me in bits”
I went into an antiques shop with a desk today and asked, “What’s the best you can do me on this?”
“Doggy style,” replied the owner, then he got me on all four and buggered me on top of it.
Thanks, lads. I think that is definitely a clear enough dividing line between the Coalition Parties for the next election.
Come on Humpty, ATOS said you’re just fine.
And if you can just paper over those cracks, that’ll be the manifesto complete..
And this is the size of my respect for the UK’s sovereignty…. trough trough trough….
……well, it is Flemish Bond.
Whose is the prick standing between those workers in the hi-vis?
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it’s just another prick and a wall.
Pink Floyd.
Lad: “It says WELCOME MR PENIS sir”
Clegg: “Thanks. Well the E and the N needs to be a bit closer.
“I thought I ordered a fence to sit on”
Clegg: “Is it ready for me to start pissing taxpayers money at it yet?”
+1
“Well that’s the ovens finnished”.
I really shouldn’t, but this made me laugh. I must be a Lib Dem…
I did not notice this one first time but it is rather good.
Brilliant, Jacky. The winner.
It’s just another brick…
“I know the writing is on the wall, but look how thick it is.”
“Sure, but ain’t it a perfect reflection.”
Just another prick and a wall
+1
And E is for idiot!
Come on Guido, more good news for Dave and Co today
Legislation to enable same-sex marriages to take place in England and Wales has been published
.
errrr
You’ve laid 30 bricks huh?
I’ve laid that at least number of women mate.
“OK, but the bricks took longer.”
The bricks stayed up.
Clegg has a cunning plan to raise the debt ceiling
Sorry I don’t speak Polish
So, what crime did you commit Nick?
The two shaved headed thug types:
“””We support UKIP, but after we finished our community service building this friggin wall, we are gonna kick the f*uck out of the Pa*ki who got us done””
Freudian projection from the left. Old Labour voters are still haemorrhaging to the B&P.
“””We support the Marxist LibLabCon EU projet, but after we finished our community service building this friggin wall, we are gonna kick the f*uck out of the British who got us done””
My kids won’t need to train as a brickie as my wife is going to send them all to private school.
Where is my gold medal for stinking hypocrisy
Dave was telling me my load was short of a few bricks, but it looks OK to me
Slap puts it on with a trowel.
Yes Mr Clegg. This wall is the only thing that’s been built since the coalition took over.
Lad – “Mr Huhne came in last week to do the pointing”
Pointless prick , himself a brick in the wall, points out to student pointing bricks that artistic decoration is not all it was racked up to be.
Student suggests he fukcs off, and goes back to decorating the coalition government..
“So, if I started my apprenticeship now, I could be fully qualified by, say, 2015?”
Stop pointing. It’s sooo working class.
The writing is on the wall.
And this is the same wall I’ve been moulding with my forehead…..
Clegg gives a rendition, but it’s not set in concrete.
“So Mr Clegg join thumb and finger, shake your hand back and forth and now you know what we all think of you”
By removing bricklaying coursework from the construction GDP figures we can cause a stink for the conservatives.
Clegg- “Mortar does not hold the bricks together, it keeps the bricks apart”
Bricklaying pupil – ” Bit like you and the coalition government then ?”
Walling her up might seem harsh, but it was the only way to keep Lynne Featherstone quiet.
Huhne’s in with her as he wants to get used to being walled up.
On a dull and serious note anyone care to explain why the lads are wearing hi vis jackets indoors?
LibDems. It’s what they do.
Wailing Wall
I heard Simon Hughes used a Queen Closer here.
We hardly dare ask?
The brick is more cut even than Charles Kennedy is.
I love a good header.
Much as I enjoy being able to accuse cruel, arrogant upper class twats like Osborne of incompetence it ultimately misses the point. He is not an economist but a right wing political graduate of modern history. The entire approach from the start of this government has been to play up the UK’s fiscal woes and the need for public sector austerity as a cloak for “rolling back the state” with a speed and severity that Thatcher could only dream of. In this sense, his policy has been and continues to be an overwhelming success..cuts in school and NHS budgets, welfare and the rest are not, for Osbourne and much of the modern Tory party a means to an end but an end in itself.
I don’t believe for a minute that Gideon Osborne believes cuts as fast and as deep as we’ve experienced since 2010 are the solution to our economic slowdown but in terms of fulfilling the aspirations of right wing neo-liberal think tanks they are exactly what was required.
The incompetence lies with the Lib Dems who must actually believe this shit that strangling the public sector and pushing swathes of hard working ordinary people into poverty will actually heal our economy. Either that or they are opportunists who will cling desperately to the wreckage until they loose their seats and their jobs at the next election.
If you WERE Milton Keynes, then you’d know that a Keynsian stimulus is dependent on having a good set of financial figures to give you the ability to pay for the stimulus. We HAVEN’T good finances after the tragic Labour years. The country’s debt is still going up because so far we have been able to cut very little.
Crawl back under your stone, thicko.
There’s been NO cuts. only less growth in state debt.
If only this party did want to roll back the metastatic state.
No, sorry, love! You will have to cut that down a bit if you want it to win the cappo contest…
You sound as deluded as Ed Balls.
Clegg criticises final year construction students as they complete their course project, a welcome sign in Romanian and Bulgarian. Clegg explained, “They will only get to build one thing in their life before a life on the dole, you would think they would make an effort. If they are like this now how are they going to be after 10 years of fortnightly visits to the JobCentre? it comes to something when HMG has to import both workers and benefit claimants to make the UK work properly.”
Levison and the Lib Dems – Nailing freedom to the wall since 1922
Since 3rd Qtr ( July, Aug, Sept 2010 ) there has NOT been a single instance of back to back consecutive quarterly growth in the economy
Since 3rd Qtr ( July, Aug, Sept 2010 ) Ten Qtrs. 4 positive 6 negative – Total = +0.4
Last 4 Qtrs of Brown = +2. Dave and Co ridiculed those figures as dire. He would love them now.
Dave doesn’t really do figures.
He’s more a concepts, big picture kind of guy.
And a lying cun*t, of course.
Need to cut the state and thus afford more tax cuts then.
Nick surveys Pink Floyd’s set design for the next fundraiser.
(I wish)
Nick: I only have a collection of Quarter Bats.
I can’t see what it is yet.
The PM and the Chancellor left me in charge of this. They say it’s supposed to be curved or they can’t play the game properly.
He’ll need to be stretchered off if he carries on like that.
Brainless idiot suggesting a load of rowlocks risks getting a shiner.
The member for Eastleigh may need diapering by this afternoon.
And you learn all this at a Private School?
It has to be smaller so the Romanians don’t hurt themselves jumping over it
all in all we are just another brick in the wall
…but Mr Cable wanted it leaning to the left…
The moving finger writes………..
Is that Twat in Polish.
And now, Nickers, at last you see the proverbial brick wall, that dealing with you is like beating one’s head against.
“You want me to put the blindfold on and stand right there?”
“That should keep the onesie in there.”
“I know what you said Miriam is built like, but I didn’t think you lot would actually go and build one!”
Spanish bond needs a lot of raking out.
It’s OK Chris, you can come out now.
All in all, he’s just another prick near a wall.
Lad: It’s pointless. Like you.
‘Are you sure it’s spelt “Nazee”?’
“I,m helping with my invisible trowel”,”Phlegmish Bond”…
Lib Dem youth wing show the leader where all the evidence against Jeremy Thorpe, Cyril Smith and Chris Huhne is hidden
Clegg: Where is Thisbe’s crack?
He loves private education,
He wants to impose thought control
No son of his in a public classroom
Hey Cleggy! Cast another stone
All in all, you’re just another prick near a wall.
Comment deleted due to Contempt of Court Act 1981.
I’ve never laid bricks. On the other hand I have laid a few…….
Clegg, getting on with building the new ‘ Wailing Wall ‘ of the LibDems, ready for 2015 election defeat!
Now let’s see that Ellie Simmons get in here!
I hope Clegg manages to finish the wall in time for the next general election, is it like the one he and his party are going to slam into, before disappearing into the political outer darkness for another 100 years?
Clegg inspecting the wall keeping the oiks away from the fee paying school he will send his spawn to
Nick Clegg decides to get personally involved in constructing the UK fiscal cliff.
Just another prick on the wall
‘ See that hole there…..at a convenient height ‘
Clegg demonstrates his version of a two fingered salute.
Just another prick in the wall.
Nick Clegg “The ward wall needs to be a bit more thicker”
Kid on left “You mean like David Ward?”
This is Chris Huhne’s new living quarters
I’ll take your cast iron Dave and raise you rock solid.
or
Well just like the coalition, its built on a shaky foundation.
or
Youth “I got 100 hours service for vandalising a Bus stop”
Clegg “I get a big salary and the deputy prime-ministers job for vandalising the country”.
And behind this wall is where we’ll detain the “Get out of Europe” voters . . .
Another prick and a wall.
Feck, sorry John B!
Nick Clegg starts his induction into the Freemasons, sponsored by Handycock.
Oh, I see its got a brass plaque on it…..”Memorial to the Liberal Democrats, died 2015″
“All in all you’re just another prick in Whitehall”
Of course my kids will miss out on all this University equivalent apprenticeships as they are having to go to private school and will just have to attend Oxbridge before a cushy number with the EU or a Euro Bank.
….and we will park the 12-seater for the Parliamentary party post-2015 just there…
The Conservatives are gloating about the collapse of the Lib Dem vote.
In fact, in order to win the next election, the Conservatives need a Lib Dem revival.
A simple number proves this. 57. That’s the number of Conservative held seats where the Lib Dem vote is more than twice their majority.
If the Lib Dem vote collapses, the Conservatives lose these seats.
What makes you think that the Conservatives have the stomach for another 5 years tied to a bunch of traitorous opportunists? The LibDems are more likely to sell themselves to their Marxist fellow-travellers in an attempt to keep the seats they have.
Dave said, You have got to cut it back by this much “
Where’s wall y ?
“Its specially made so that, on Monday, if any bullets miss David Ward it will absorb them and they wont bounce back on the Whips?”
So can you build one to run down the middle of the Cabinet Table?
“So now can you do one in the shape of a box with padded walls inside.I do want Vince to be comfortable …and quiet”
“But is it Romanian proof?”
“We did build one in Dover to keep the Romanians out but its now a housing estate in Calais”
“Our focus groups suggest they should all be a pale yellow colour”
Sorry guv, but your Mr Hughes said you need to see the writing on the wall…
OK sir, we’ve bricked that Dave guy in. How big do you want the air holes?
So these are Bricks then?
It’s rude to point !
A total no hoper meets some kid on a YTS
When I am a Tory I think I will get a wall like this to keep all those Damn Students out!
Pointing you say.
This is too advanced for me, will you point me to burger flipping please.
Finally stopped the wailing from Ward
All in all it’s just,
one more prick by a wall
“Are you sure Ward cannot get out?”
And you’re seriously telling me that it’s costing you £9,000 a year in tuition fees for this?
So Nick, what was that previous job you said you did….
The Liberal Democrats are like the mortar in this brick work, we hold the coalition together. Unfortunately, it was put together by a Polish builder we let into the UK, so will fall apart in May 2015!
The wall fell down trapping Nick. Who will replace him. Any ideas?
I was this close to getting bricklaying into a structured apprenticeship programme to schools such as this.
But our infrastructure building programme is going nowhere.