January 18th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest: Red Light Edition


  1. 1
    Peter Grimes says:

    Have they got gay shop windows in Amsterdam?

  2. 2
    Toenails says:

    Hello,,, anyone here?

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    “Let me blow, let me blow”

  4. 4
    Luke Jones says:

    BBC Journo said he was going ‘beyond his duty’ to ‘investigate cuts’… I think that’s what he said?

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Unfortunate that our new code of ethics won’t let me ride anything more than a bicycle.

  6. 6
    Clap Clinic says:

    Did he pay extra for multiple orgamisms?

  7. 7
    Dr Eoin Clarke says:

    The picture with the scarf tells me that he clearly is addicted to Erotic asphyxiation.

    • 75
      m*db/t's goin' mad again tod@y says:

      Quite. If he was wearing it because the weather’s cold, he’d also be wearing a hat.

      (2nd attempt to post this highly controversial comment..)

      • 157
        Pundit too too. says:

        Is he wearing his scarf with a sort of windsor knot?
        Could be a message to others that he is a member of a not so secret sect.
        First person to guess the sect gets a special socialist prize.
        Second attempt at posting this message.

  8. 8
    mcintyre says:

    “I’m too stoned, to read this shit.”

  9. 9
    Anonanon says:

    New Dildo Revealed!

  10. 10
    Is he stoned? says:

    The eyes have it.

  11. 11
    CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

    Beneath the cam’s vision he’s having a stroke…

  12. 11
    vladikavkaz says:

    I asked specsavers to make me some glasses that didn’t tint outside in the evening.
    They couldn’t give me that clarity.

  13. 13
    @nby83 says:

    “I’m not wearing any knickers”

  14. 14
    Hugh Janus says:

    Sgt Bilko appeals for more time on this assignment.

  15. 16

    …and your right … not to believe a word of it … shall we move on?

  16. 17
    Geordieboy says:

    Where the fuck is David Cameron?

    • 70
      Dave is a Cnut says:

      Impotently posing with false concern about the Algerian incident. The Algerians have got the right idea — just get on with it without telling or consulting the weak prat.

  17. 18
    alexei says:

    Right,your nicked!

  18. 19
    Perse O'Nally says:

    And you say they charge how much?

  19. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Hold on, I’m coming

  20. 22
    Anonymous says:

    “How much for the bald one in the scarf”

  21. 23
    Andy Marr says:


    *goes purple in the face*

  22. 24
    yes says:

    Twolips round a cock in Amsterdam

  23. 25
    Anonymous says:

    “where’s wally” – oh thats me for not traveling with Cameron…

  24. 26
    BBC News 24 says:

    And now we go over to Political POV with Nick Robinson in Amsterdam back alley. Nick.

  25. 29
    What Andy Marr would say if he could still talk says:

    I’ve been into that one – right behind his head!!!

    Only €50. Saxaphone – the whole job!!!!

  26. 30
    Nick says:

    I am not as think as you stoned I am.

  27. 31
    gramma says:

    Holland famous for painters now has to put up with a piss artist.

  28. 32
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “I am the Emergency BBC Hologram– please state the nature of the story…”

    • 39
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      “help one of the grauinad writers went off message for a micro-second and revealed the entire left as a bunch of victim-hood seeking censorious bullies!”

  29. 34
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Prick found in Red Light District.

  30. 36

    And tonight I’ll use my porn name..Prick Nobinson

  31. 37
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Is the cameraon?

  32. 38
    T'old Fella says:

    NR: He I am standing here in the freezing cold, I could think of better things to do on a night like this and that bloke Cameron has decided that is not coming, as if Hague cannot handle this Algerian job.

    • 42
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      Hague to the Algerian Foreign minister: “You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”…

      • 85
        Casual Observer says:

        Algerian Foreign Minister to Hague — Piss off you irrelevant wanker

        • 124
          Curly says:

          This Algerian bloke has been speaking to that Russian bloke who said much the same to D. Millibrain on a visit to Moscow a few years back. Oh how we all laughed…

  33. 40
    hank the cat says:

    Why are they speaking Dutch in Mali?

  34. 41
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Nick Robinson: This is the first time I’ve been somewhere where there are more Huntz than Westminster.

  35. 43
    maggie the dog says:

    Jesus I hope Cameron does’nt go to bloody Algeria

  36. 44
    gramma says:

    Holland daze.

  37. 45

    I came here before with the wife. Tulip fields… The Rembrandt museum….Anne Frank’s house… you know the drill.

    But now Its just me and camera crew its 5 pints in the banana bar, 5 at Shooters and Hooters , a spliff out in the House of Pain, and whore shopping in Dam square.

    • 91
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      Maybe he went to the Vincent Van Gogh Museum this time– can’t tell from the photo whether he’s got a right ear or not…

  38. 47
    gramma says:

    Deaf Nick Robinson not really interested in Cameron.
    He heard Clogg and Bols would be there

  39. 49

    I’ve just been with a girl called Steve

  40. 50
    Nick Robinson says:

    What do you mean this isn’t the place where they tax the rich 75%?

  41. 51
    Nick Robinson says:

    I only came here for a Brazilian

  42. 53
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Heinekine refreshes the prats other lagers cannot reach.

  43. 55

    These ping pong balls have a bit of a wiff waff about them.

  44. 56
    I Squiggle says:

    Well since he’s not here, me and the lads have done that street, now we’re off down this one. All on expenses, he he..

  45. 57

    I can confirm that if you want to know all about in-out, in-out, then this is the place.

  46. 60
    Nick 'The Quiff' Robinson says:

    “No matter how many whores shit on my face, I am still bald…”

    • 148
      Mark Oaten says:

      Well lots of whores shit on my face and I’m bald too. Do you think it’s a coincidence?

  47. 63
    Quiet Bat Person says:

    I’ve had that bike. Against that wall, too.

  48. 68

    “..The Pm has rightly cancelled his speech.so the focus..{pause}.. will move to Algeria.”

    This is Nick Robinson, {pause} in Amsterdam, {pause} about to buy a 12″ Black Mamba and rubber hot pants.

  49. 73
    Charlies says says:

    In conclusion, after exhaustive research, I can confirm Julie Birchill is wrong.

  50. 76

    And there I was thinking that Bald Knob was in Arkansas…

  51. 80

    brain development completes at the age of 22. people over the age of 22 should be able to pay to attend a drugs education course (covering all types deemed illicit plus alcohol and tobacco) at the end of which they sit a exam. if they pass said exam they get a certificate which enables them to see their gp who then checks their physical and mental health. if found to be in good mental and physical health the doctor issues said applicant with a cannabis procurement licence. the rules of which are thus. it can be used to procure a maximum one ounce of cannabis a month from licenced sellers. the licence holder can only use it in the company of other licence holders. any licence holders found using or selling or sharing cannabis with none licence holders have their licence revoked (at the very least). simples. no more “cannabis is a gateway to other drugs”… cannabis is all people need.

    *this suggestion is brought to you by kofi annan and was not sanctioned by the alcohol or oil lobby.

  52. 81
    Alistair Campbell Murderer says:

    “Now that you can get beaten up by the Muslim Patrol for drinking alcohol in London, I choose to go out and get p!ssed in Amsterdam.”

    • 102
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      Where you can get murdered like Theo Van Gogh for “blaspheming” I*slam– an “halal” slaughter, as he had his throat cut by a muzzie shouting “Allahu Akbar (God Is Great)!”

  53. 83
    Raving Loon says:

    Was he on a fact finding mission?

  54. 84

    Going commando in the front line.

  55. 86
    gramma says:

    Normal Beebeesee policy.
    Always a twat around to keep their fingers in the dykes.

  56. 88
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” So in conclusion, this is Nick Robinson BBC News, looking for a shag..”

  57. 89

    The caption above Robinson’s head “Live. Amsterdam” is missing the middle word ‘SEX’

  58. 92
    gramma says:

    Whats that pat-at?

  59. 93
    Jonnyboy says:

    Nick Robinson reports that, after an extensive search, women ‘with the bodies of Brazilian transexuals’ do not exist.

  60. 95

    I’m out here but the prime minister is not.

    It is a terrible blow.

  61. 96
    Sir William says:

    As Nick gazed at the camera, fascinated, it occurred to him that he could murder a Mars Bar.

  62. 97
    Foreign & Commonwealth Office Press Officer says:

    Algeria hostage crisis: Right wing political blogger,Guido Fawkes still ‘at risk’

    • 111
      Lord Brian Llevity says:

      Please help readers by pointing out which bit of your comment , if any, is supposed to be humorous.

  63. 98
    tra la la la la says:

    That’s the news from two-lips of Hamster-jam.

  64. 100
    Moooslim Patrol says:

    We’ll have that joint k’affiir.

  65. 101
    Sir William says:

    After five hours standing in a shop window in his Speedos, with no takers, Nick reluctantly went back to his day job.

  66. 104
    Coke Head says:

    Once i,ve finished this piece to camera,there are plenty of bicycle
    saddles that need sniffing,.

  67. 105
    Cameraman says:

    We’ll sort something out Nick. Half of Amsterdam looks like Algeria anyway.

  68. 108
    poets day says:

    “I asked a couple of women in the street behind me, what they thought of an early British withdrawal. They said it happens all the time, but the price remains the same. Not sure I follow…”

  69. 109
    Sir William says:

    With wicked glee, the cameraman’s finger strayed to the remote control for Nick’s new butt plug……..

  70. 117
    A little mouse with clogs on. says:

    Without the normal journalistic feed from the Guardian hacks, Nick Robinson has to finally go Dutch.

  71. 121

    I wonder if he got his dome polished ?

  72. 122
    Gag politicians not the press says:

    This is Nick Robinson, in Amsterdam, reporting on a tit and a fuck up – just not the ones I expected.

  73. 123
    wight tory says:

    “Bloody hell its cold up top, I’m gonna get me a Dutch Cap…”

  74. 125
    gramma says:

    ” Disappointed I cannot interview Dave but fortunately a friendly young lady, proud of her city has promised me a trip through her canals.”

  75. 126
    From the horse's mouth says:

    Nick leaves a French restaurant after eating L’escargot and thorough bread, followed by filly steak and Shergar salad, with Red Rum baba to finish. All washed down with a nice hock.

  76. 128
    Sniper says:

    Nick Robinson


    Looking for the body of a Brazilian Transsexual.

  77. 129
    Tosspot says:

    Thats another fine mess you got me into David.

  78. 133
    Taxi Passenger says:

    So have any of the hostages been stoned?

  79. 134
    Wok Gon says:

    Nick shows the finer points of tying a scarf the poncey BBC / Leigh On Sea way!

    A little peak cap would have been a good finish.

  80. 135
    Very Large Picture Window says:

    She said ” do you want a happy ending” I said, that never happens in politics!

  81. 136
    The Bottom Less Pit Of BBC Spending says:

    Jesus, all that taxpayer money on a lovely over priced, over heated BBC HQ and I get sent to freeze my nuts of in Dam.

  82. 139

    Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
    Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
    It’s a little secret, just the Robinsons’ affair
    Most of all, you’ve got to hide it from the kids

    And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson…

  83. 142
    Anonymous says:

    Nick’s managed to find a Dutch bike he can ride without falling off.

  84. 143
    Stepney says:

    “Well Huw, let’s just say that when David Cameron’s speech was first mooted I had a full head of hair and you still could buy a Gouda tart for 10 Guilders”.

  85. 144

    Robisnon saying………In/Out In/Out Camerons gone walkabout.

  86. 146
    Weygand says:

    So far there has been no evidence of any whores from Amsterdam being found in a Tesco burger.

  87. 147

    So, Dave’s not coming. Let’s hope I do.

  88. 150
    uncle says:

    Man of misery. Never mind I’ll have an Amstel

  89. 152
    DDC says:

    “Well, John, it’s actually not the first time a Robinson has been marooned. “

  90. 154
    The savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Prick. Nobbinson

    BBC. News


  91. 158
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    Sources at No 11 have told the BBC exclusively that a little Rubber Wear shop on Oudezijds Achterburgwal is the best place to go, knock three times and ask Rene for the special ‘extra tight’ Bryant underpants.

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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