January 18th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest: Red Light Edition


  1. 1
    Peter Grimes says:

    Have they got gay shop windows in Amsterdam?

  2. 2
    Toenails says:

    Hello,,, anyone here?

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    “Let me blow, let me blow”

  4. 4
    Luke Jones says:

    BBC Journo said he was going ‘beyond his duty’ to ‘investigate cuts’… I think that’s what he said?

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Unfortunate that our new code of ethics won’t let me ride anything more than a bicycle.

  6. 6
    Clap Clinic says:

    Did he pay extra for multiple orgamisms?

  7. 7
    Dr Eoin Clarke says:

    The picture with the scarf tells me that he clearly is addicted to Erotic asphyxiation.

  8. 8
    mcintyre says:

    “I’m too stoned, to read this shit.”

  9. 9
    Anonanon says:

    New Dildo Revealed!

  10. 10
    Is he stoned? says:

    The eyes have it.

  11. 11
    CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

    Beneath the cam’s vision he’s having a stroke…

  12. 12
    vladikavkaz says:

    I asked specsavers to make me some glasses that didn’t tint outside in the evening.
    They couldn’t give me that clarity.

  13. 13
    @nby83 says:

    “I’m not wearing any knickers”

  14. 14
    CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

  15. 15
    Hugh Janus says:

    Sgt Bilko appeals for more time on this assignment.

  16. 16

    …and your right … not to believe a word of it … shall we move on?

  17. 17
    Geordieboy says:

    Where the fuck is David Cameron?

  18. 18
    alexei says:

    Right,your nicked!

  19. 19
    Perse O'Nally says:

    And you say they charge how much?

  20. 20
    Schrödinger's spellbot says:


  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Hold on, I’m coming

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    “How much for the bald one in the scarf”

  23. 23
    Andy Marr says:


    *goes purple in the face*

  24. 24
    yes says:

    Twolips round a cock in Amsterdam

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    “where’s wally” – oh thats me for not traveling with Cameron…

  26. 26
    BBC News 24 says:

    And now we go over to Political POV with Nick Robinson in Amsterdam back alley. Nick.

  27. 27
    T'old Fella says:

    Don’t know about gay shops, but plenty of red light shops

  28. 28
    Call me Dave says:

    I have heard of gay people but never gay windows. I should get out more

  29. 29
    What Andy Marr would say if he could still talk says:

    I’ve been into that one – right behind his head!!!

    Only €50. Saxaphone – the whole job!!!!

  30. 30
    Nick says:

    I am not as think as you stoned I am.

  31. 31
    gramma says:

    Holland famous for painters now has to put up with a piss artist.

  32. 32
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “I am the Emergency BBC Hologram– please state the nature of the story…”

  33. 33
    CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

    It’s a special version of MS windows for those who cannot sit down.

  34. 34
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Prick found in Red Light District.

  35. 35
    Pasty Tax says:

    And famous for Hollands pies

  36. 36

    And tonight I’ll use my porn name..Prick Nobinson

  37. 37
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Is the cameraon?

  38. 38
    T'old Fella says:

    NR: He I am standing here in the freezing cold, I could think of better things to do on a night like this and that bloke Cameron has decided that is not coming, as if Hague cannot handle this Algerian job.

  39. 39
    CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

    “help one of the grauinad writers went off message for a micro-second and revealed the entire left as a bunch of victim-hood seeking censorious bullies!”

  40. 40
    hank the cat says:

    Why are they speaking Dutch in Mali?

  41. 41
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Nick Robinson: This is the first time I’ve been somewhere where there are more Huntz than Westminster.

  42. 42
    CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

    Hague to the Algerian Foreign minister: “You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”…

  43. 43
    maggie the dog says:

    Jesus I hope Cameron does’nt go to bloody Algeria

  44. 44
    gramma says:

    Holland daze.

  45. 45

    I came here before with the wife. Tulip fields… The Rembrandt museum….Anne Frank’s house… you know the drill.

    But now Its just me and camera crew its 5 pints in the banana bar, 5 at Shooters and Hooters , a spliff out in the House of Pain, and whore shopping in Dam square.

  46. 46
    BSOD says:

    The Pink Screen of Death should be taken very seriously

  47. 47
    gramma says:

    Deaf Nick Robinson not really interested in Cameron.
    He heard Clogg and Bols would be there

  48. 48
    LaboutNutter says:

    With the Prime Minister absent because of the Algerian situation I shall be investigating this week’s othe big story – Brazillian Transvestites.

  49. 49

    I’ve just been with a girl called Steve

  50. 50
    Nick Robinson says:

    What do you mean this isn’t the place where they tax the rich 75%?

  51. 51
    Nick Robinson says:

    I only came here for a Brazilian

  52. 52
    AngryEnglishJon says:

    The Huhnatic is a regularly practising shower sharing.

  53. 53
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Heinekine refreshes the prats other lagers cannot reach.

  54. 54
    Nick Robinson says:

    The Met do Brazilians for nothing

  55. 55

    These ping pong balls have a bit of a wiff waff about them.

  56. 56
    I Squiggle says:

    Well since he’s not here, me and the lads have done that street, now we’re off down this one. All on expenses, he he..

  57. 57

    I can confirm that if you want to know all about in-out, in-out, then this is the place.

  58. 58
    Thanks to Cam and Os's understanding of economics says:

    Conversely, the euro is being lifted by the market’s perception that the eurozone is a safer place to invest so far this year.

    Mr McDarby said it was becoming more and more apparent that hedges to protect against a collapse of the single currency were being unwound, with the euro “firmly returning to vogue”.

    Earlier this month, HSBC said the sterling would weaken further as it faced a destructive “triple cocktail” in 2013″.

    “The pound’s fiscal credibility is under threat as a sovereign downgrade looms,” the bank said in its 2013 HSBC View.


  59. 59
    Andy Marr's CT scan says:

    I’ve been into that one – right behind his head!!!

    Only €50. Saxaphone – the whole job!!!!

  60. 60
    Nick 'The Quiff' Robinson says:

    “No matter how many whores shit on my face, I am still bald…”

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    Any guess of where inflation will go?

  62. 62
    Roger The lodger says:

    Discount for a piccolo?

  63. 63
    Quiet Bat Person says:

    I’ve had that bike. Against that wall, too.

  64. 64
    CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

    Separated at Birth?

  65. 65
    Andy Marr's MRI scan says:


  66. 66


  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Unlike Andrew Marr, he had to pay for it.

  68. 68

    “..The Pm has rightly cancelled his speech.so the focus..{pause}.. will move to Algeria.”

    This is Nick Robinson, {pause} in Amsterdam, {pause} about to buy a 12″ Black Mamba and rubber hot pants.

  69. 69
    Sylvio says:

    I ate a Tesco hamburger and my hair fell out.

  70. 70
    Dave is a Cnut says:

    Impotently posing with false concern about the Algerian incident. The Algerians have got the right idea — just get on with it without telling or consulting the weak prat.

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    The pound is a “sick little puppy” as it hits a 10-month low and is expected to continue its decline, analysts warned, after UK retail unexpectedly declined in December.


  72. 72
    Tranny Watch says:

    big? ☻

  73. 73
    Charlies says says:

    In conclusion, after exhaustive research, I can confirm Julie Birchill is wrong.

  74. 74
    Sally Bercowitz says:

    Hurry up John — I’ve got another booking in half an hour.

  75. 75
    m*db/t's goin' mad again tod@y says:

    Quite. If he was wearing it because the weather’s cold, he’d also be wearing a hat.

    (2nd attempt to post this highly controversial comment..)

  76. 76

    And there I was thinking that Bald Knob was in Arkansas…

  77. 77
    Tesco Quality Control Dept. says:

    Should have ordered the cameltoeburger instead mate.

  78. 78
    gramma says:


  79. 79
    T'old Fella says:

    Good old Boy Gideon that’s the way to do it

  80. 80

    brain development completes at the age of 22. people over the age of 22 should be able to pay to attend a drugs education course (covering all types deemed illicit plus alcohol and tobacco) at the end of which they sit a exam. if they pass said exam they get a certificate which enables them to see their gp who then checks their physical and mental health. if found to be in good mental and physical health the doctor issues said applicant with a cannabis procurement licence. the rules of which are thus. it can be used to procure a maximum one ounce of cannabis a month from licenced sellers. the licence holder can only use it in the company of other licence holders. any licence holders found using or selling or sharing cannabis with none licence holders have their licence revoked (at the very least). simples. no more “cannabis is a gateway to other drugs”… cannabis is all people need.

    *this suggestion is brought to you by kofi annan and was not sanctioned by the alcohol or oil lobby.

  81. 81
    Alistair Campbell Murderer says:

    “Now that you can get beaten up by the Muslim Patrol for drinking alcohol in London, I choose to go out and get p!ssed in Amsterdam.”

  82. 82
    T'old Fella says:

    Well if he went there he might be able to baffle them into submission by waffling.

  83. 83
    Raving Loon says:

    Was he on a fact finding mission?

  84. 84

    Going commando in the front line.

  85. 85
    Casual Observer says:

    Algerian Foreign Minister to Hague — Piss off you irrelevant wanker

  86. 86
    gramma says:

    Normal Beebeesee policy.
    Always a twat around to keep their fingers in the dykes.

  87. 87
    T'old Fella says:

    Arrrh the back spot, beware of the black spot

  88. 88
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” So in conclusion, this is Nick Robinson BBC News, looking for a shag..”

  89. 89

    The caption above Robinson’s head “Live. Amsterdam” is missing the middle word ‘SEX’

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    newfags can’t triforce

  91. 91
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Maybe he went to the Vincent Van Gogh Museum this time– can’t tell from the photo whether he’s got a right ear or not…

  92. 92
    gramma says:

    Whats that pat-at?

  93. 93
    Jonnyboy says:

    Nick Robinson reports that, after an extensive search, women ‘with the bodies of Brazilian transexuals’ do not exist.

  94. 94
    Celebrity Vegetable says:

    Tonight I’m going to show you how to cook a Marr.

  95. 95

    I’m out here but the prime minister is not.

    It is a terrible blow.

  96. 96
    Sir William says:

    As Nick gazed at the camera, fascinated, it occurred to him that he could murder a Mars Bar.

  97. 97
    Foreign & Commonwealth Office Press Officer says:

    Algeria hostage crisis: Right wing political blogger,Guido Fawkes still ‘at risk’

  98. 98
    tra la la la la says:

    That’s the news from two-lips of Hamster-jam.

  99. 99
    Riesler says:

    I liked her song with Eminen.

  100. 100
    Moooslim Patrol says:

    We’ll have that joint k’affiir.

  101. 101
    Sir William says:

    After five hours standing in a shop window in his Speedos, with no takers, Nick reluctantly went back to his day job.

  102. 102
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Where you can get murdered like Theo Van Gogh for “blaspheming” I*slam– an “halal” slaughter, as he had his throat cut by a muzzie shouting “Allahu Akbar (God Is Great)!”

  103. 103
    Sir William says:

    Winner…if there were a winner.

  104. 104
    Coke Head says:

    Once i,ve finished this piece to camera,there are plenty of bicycle
    saddles that need sniffing,.

  105. 105
    Cameraman says:

    We’ll sort something out Nick. Half of Amsterdam looks like Algeria anyway.

  106. 106
    yeah, right... says:

    Tesco value burgers; to eat or not to eat.

    That is equestrian

  107. 107
    STROPPYCOW says:

    If their burgers turned you off – try their meat balls – they’re the dog’s bollocks!!

  108. 108
    poets day says:

    “I asked a couple of women in the street behind me, what they thought of an early British withdrawal. They said it happens all the time, but the price remains the same. Not sure I follow…”

  109. 109
    Sir William says:

    With wicked glee, the cameraman’s finger strayed to the remote control for Nick’s new butt plug……..

  110. 110
    STROPPYCOW says:

    Winner!!!! IMHO

  111. 111
    Lord Brian Llevity says:

    Please help readers by pointing out which bit of your comment , if any, is supposed to be humorous.

  112. 112
    grimm up north says:

    “And so they may have looked like ladies … but I can assure you that they were in fact actually chaps! Nick Robinson, Amsterdam.”

  113. 113
    Clog Sand says:

    Its the Dutch Foreign Legion

  114. 114
    STROPPYCOW says:

    Now THAT is funny.

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    Winner (Michael)!

  116. 116
    Millitwat says:

    very good !!

  117. 117
    A little mouse with clogs on. says:

    Without the normal journalistic feed from the Guardian hacks, Nick Robinson has to finally go Dutch.

  118. 118
    Algerian pimp says:

    Hey! Don’t blame me! You all wanted this multicultural diversity shit.

  119. 119
    From the horse's mouth says:

    But retail sales are 0.7% higher than they were for last December.

    “The value of goods sold in December was 0.1% lower than November, and 0.7% higher than a year ago”

    Plus isn’t nearly everyone always arguing that a weak pound is beneficial for the country. Not that I believe that bulls**t for one second of course.

  120. 120

    Gay guys have a crack in the ass
    Gay windows have a crack in the glass

  121. 121

    I wonder if he got his dome polished ?

  122. 122
    Gag politicians not the press says:

    This is Nick Robinson, in Amsterdam, reporting on a tit and a fuck up – just not the ones I expected.

  123. 123
    wight tory says:

    “Bloody hell its cold up top, I’m gonna get me a Dutch Cap…”

  124. 124
    Curly says:

    This Algerian bloke has been speaking to that Russian bloke who said much the same to D. Millibrain on a visit to Moscow a few years back. Oh how we all laughed…

  125. 125
    gramma says:

    ” Disappointed I cannot interview Dave but fortunately a friendly young lady, proud of her city has promised me a trip through her canals.”

  126. 126
    From the horse's mouth says:

    Nick leaves a French restaurant after eating L’escargot and thorough bread, followed by filly steak and Shergar salad, with Red Rum baba to finish. All washed down with a nice hock.

  127. 127

    historic? no. sufficient? yes.

  128. 128
    Sniper says:

    Nick Robinson


    Looking for the body of a Brazilian Transsexual.

  129. 129
    Tosspot says:

    Thats another fine mess you got me into David.

  130. 130
    Paul B says:

    The equestrian on everyone’s lips, surely?

  131. 131
    No Point Entering says:

    Given that for weeks you’ve never even announced a winner let alone offered a prize there’s not much f**king point “entering”! A “contest” usually has a winner unless you subscribe to some socialist School Sports Day philosophy where competition is bad and there can be no winners.

  132. 132
    Qui Bono says:

    You don’t have to stand under the red light
    Your time is over
    You don’t have to sell your integrity to the Beeb
    You don’t have to make that address tonight
    Sell your story for phoneys
    You don’t care if it’s wrong or if it’s right

    Robinson, Put up the red flag
    Robinson, Put up the red flag
    Robinson, Put up the red flag
    Robinson, Put up the red flag

  133. 133
    Taxi Passenger says:

    So have any of the hostages been stoned?

  134. 134
    Wok Gon says:

    Nick shows the finer points of tying a scarf the poncey BBC / Leigh On Sea way!

    A little peak cap would have been a good finish.

  135. 135
    Very Large Picture Window says:

    She said ” do you want a happy ending” I said, that never happens in politics!

  136. 136
    The Bottom Less Pit Of BBC Spending says:

    Jesus, all that taxpayer money on a lovely over priced, over heated BBC HQ and I get sent to freeze my nuts of in Dam.

  137. 137
    Glocking Hell says:

    Well they certainly were not helped by Algerian Special Needs Forces!

  138. 138
    AEP says:

    The same way as gold!

  139. 139

    Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
    Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
    It’s a little secret, just the Robinsons’ affair
    Most of all, you’ve got to hide it from the kids

    And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson…

  140. 140
    Anonymous says:

    Where the Ozarks meet the Delta! :-)

  141. 141
    Farmer Giles says:

    98/100 for that

  142. 142
    Anonymous says:

    Nick’s managed to find a Dutch bike he can ride without falling off.

  143. 143
    Stepney says:

    “Well Huw, let’s just say that when David Cameron’s speech was first mooted I had a full head of hair and you still could buy a Gouda tart for 10 Guilders”.

  144. 144

    Robisnon saying………In/Out In/Out Camerons gone walkabout.

  145. 145

    They let him into a club just for private members

  146. 146
    Weygand says:

    So far there has been no evidence of any whores from Amsterdam being found in a Tesco burger.

  147. 147

    So, Dave’s not coming. Let’s hope I do.

  148. 148
    Mark Oaten says:

    Well lots of whores shit on my face and I’m bald too. Do you think it’s a coincidence?

  149. 149
    Mark Oaten says:

    I’ll take any shit!

  150. 150
    uncle says:

    Man of misery. Never mind I’ll have an Amstel

  151. 151
    The wizz says:

    This has to be the winner, I realy did Laugh Out Load.

    Very well done Poets Day.

  152. 152
    DDC says:

    “Well, John, it’s actually not the first time a Robinson has been marooned. “

  153. 153
  154. 154
    The savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Prick. Nobbinson

    BBC. News


  155. 155
    The savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Gosh . Is there. Such a thing as a Brazilian. Transvestite ??

    Get away ….

    Next you’ll be telling me that. Brazil was the. birthplace of the post op transexual !!!

  156. 156
    The savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    I ate. Four. Tesco. Burgers. And can now beat. Frankel over any. Distance

  157. 157
    Pundit too too. says:

    Is he wearing his scarf with a sort of windsor knot?
    Could be a message to others that he is a member of a not so secret sect.
    First person to guess the sect gets a special socialist prize.
    Second attempt at posting this message.

  158. 158
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    Sources at No 11 have told the BBC exclusively that a little Rubber Wear shop on Oudezijds Achterburgwal is the best place to go, knock three times and ask Rene for the special ‘extra tight’ Bryant underpants.

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