Friday Caption Contest: Red Light Edition
Getting to Know U-KIP | ConservativeHome
Farage Telegraph Advert | Political Scrapbook
Cameron’s Leadership in Trouble | Tim Montgomerie
Tories Need to Behave Like a Governing Party | Lord Ashcroft
Dave’s Mates Do Hate the Grassroots | Melissa Kite
Dave Can’t Rely on Party For Loyalty | Tim Bale
If Dave Were President He’d Have Resigned By Now | Alex Wickham
Loongate: What Happened in the Blue Boar Bar | Simon Walters
Feldman’s Tennis Days With Dave | Telegraph
How Geoffrey Howe Has Lost the Debate | Robin Shepherd
Dave Has Lost Control on Europe | Geoffrey Howe
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Tom Harris bemoans the public’s attitude to politicians…
“Mr Oborne echoes the lazy, anti-politics whine we hear so often these days, all based on the absurd notion that politicians were once loved and only fell out of public favour during the expenses scandal. He should take a walk to the Strangers’ Bar. But not to sup with the patrons he seems to despise so much, dearie me, no; he should instead look at the paintings on the corridor outside the bar, which depict the devastating fire which consumed most of the Palace in 1834. And he should reflect on the fact that on that dramatic night, as the Commons went up in flames, a crowd gathered on the South Bank to clap and cheer.”
Focus group time. says:
The thing that Dave needs to work out is which group is more likely to vote Conservative. Mad swivel-eyed loons or mad homosexuals wishing to get married.
Have they got gay shop windows in Amsterdam?
Don’t know about gay shops, but plenty of red light shops
Conversely, the euro is being lifted by the market’s perception that the eurozone is a safer place to invest so far this year.
Mr McDarby said it was becoming more and more apparent that hedges to protect against a collapse of the single currency were being unwound, with the euro “firmly returning to vogue”.
Earlier this month, HSBC said the sterling would weaken further as it faced a destructive “triple cocktail” in 2013″.
“The pound’s fiscal credibility is under threat as a sovereign downgrade looms,” the bank said in its 2013 HSBC View.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/currency/9810568/Sterling-is-a-sick-little-puppy-as-it-hits-10-month-low.html
Any guess of where inflation will go?
▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲
newfags can’t triforce
The same way as gold!
The pound is a “sick little puppy” as it hits a 10-month low and is expected to continue its decline, analysts warned, after UK retail unexpectedly declined in December.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/currency/9810568/Sterling-is-a-sick-little-puppy-as-it-hits-10-month-low.html
Good old Boy Gideon that’s the way to do it
But retail sales are 0.7% higher than they were for last December.
“The value of goods sold in December was 0.1% lower than November, and 0.7% higher than a year ago”
Plus isn’t nearly everyone always arguing that a weak pound is beneficial for the country. Not that I believe that bulls**t for one second of course.
Given that for weeks you’ve never even announced a winner let alone offered a prize there’s not much f**king point “entering”! A “contest” usually has a winner unless you subscribe to some socialist School Sports Day philosophy where competition is bad and there can be no winners.
Robinson,
You don’t have to stand under the red light
Your time is over
You don’t have to sell your integrity to the Beeb
Robinson,
You don’t have to make that address tonight
Sell your story for phoneys
You don’t care if it’s wrong or if it’s right
Robinson, Put up the red flag
Robinson, Put up the red flag
Robinson, Put up the red flag
Robinson, Put up the red flag
I have heard of gay people but never gay windows. I should get out more
It’s a special version of MS windows for those who cannot sit down.
The Pink Screen of Death should be taken very seriously
With the Prime Minister absent because of the Algerian situation I shall be investigating this week’s othe big story – Brazillian Transvestites.
The Met do Brazilians for nothing
Gosh . Is there. Such a thing as a Brazilian. Transvestite ??
Get away ….
Next you’ll be telling me that. Brazil was the. birthplace of the post op transexual !!!
Separated at Birth?
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mebcyj25NR1rlo1q2o1_500.jpg
Gay guys have a crack in the ass
Gay windows have a crack in the glass
The Huhnatic is a regularly practising shower sharing.
“And so they may have looked like ladies … but I can assure you that they were in fact actually chaps! Nick Robinson, Amsterdam.”
They let him into a club just for private members
Hello,,, anyone here?
“Let me blow, let me blow”
BBC Journo said he was going ‘beyond his duty’ to ‘investigate cuts’… I think that’s what he said?
Unfortunate that our new code of ethics won’t let me ride anything more than a bicycle.
Did he pay extra for multiple orgamisms?
The picture with the scarf tells me that he clearly is addicted to Erotic asphyxiation.
Quite. If he was wearing it because the weather’s cold, he’d also be wearing a hat.
(2nd attempt to post this highly controversial comment..)
Is he wearing his scarf with a sort of windsor knot?
Could be a message to others that he is a member of a not so secret sect.
First person to guess the sect gets a special socialist prize.
Second attempt at posting this message.
“I’m too stoned, to read this shit.”
I ate a Tesco hamburger and my hair fell out.
Should have ordered the cameltoeburger instead mate.
If their burgers turned you off – try their meat balls – they’re the dog’s bollocks!!
Tesco value burgers; to eat or not to eat.
That is equestrian
Now THAT is funny.
The equestrian on everyone’s lips, surely?
98/100 for that
I ate. Four. Tesco. Burgers. And can now beat. Frankel over any. Distance
New Dildo Revealed!
I liked her song with Eminen.
The eyes have it.
Beneath the cam’s vision he’s having a stroke…
Unlike Andrew Marr, he had to pay for it.
I asked specsavers to make me some glasses that didn’t tint outside in the evening.
They couldn’t give me that clarity.
“I’m not wearing any knickers”
Sgt Bilko appeals for more time on this assignment.
…and your right … not to believe a word of it … shall we move on?
you’re
Where the fuck is David Cameron?
Impotently posing with false concern about the Algerian incident. The Algerians have got the right idea — just get on with it without telling or consulting the weak prat.
Right,your nicked!
And you say they charge how much?
Hold on, I’m coming
Hurry up John — I’ve got another booking in half an hour.
“How much for the bald one in the scarf”
:L
*goes purple in the face*
Twolips round a cock in Amsterdam
“where’s wally” – oh thats me for not traveling with Cameron…
And now we go over to Political POV with Nick Robinson in Amsterdam back alley. Nick.
I’ve been into that one – right behind his head!!!
Only €50. Saxaphone – the whole job!!!!
I’ve been into that one – right behind his head!!!
Only €50. Saxaphone – the whole job!!!!
….zzzzzzzz……zzzzzz……zzzzzzz…..
Discount for a piccolo?
Tonight I’m going to show you how to cook a Marr.
I am not as think as you stoned I am.
Holland famous for painters now has to put up with a piss artist.
And famous for Hollands pies
“I am the Emergency BBC Hologram– please state the nature of the story…”
“help one of the grauinad writers went off message for a micro-second and revealed the entire left as a bunch of victim-hood seeking censorious bullies!”
Prick found in Red Light District.
Winner…if there were a winner.
And tonight I’ll use my porn name..Prick Nobinson
Is the cameraon?
NR: He I am standing here in the freezing cold, I could think of better things to do on a night like this and that bloke Cameron has decided that is not coming, as if Hague cannot handle this Algerian job.
Hague to the Algerian Foreign minister: “You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”…
Algerian Foreign Minister to Hague — Piss off you irrelevant wanker
This Algerian bloke has been speaking to that Russian bloke who said much the same to D. Millibrain on a visit to Moscow a few years back. Oh how we all laughed…
Why are they speaking Dutch in Mali?
Its the Dutch Foreign Legion
Nick Robinson: This is the first time I’ve been somewhere where there are more Huntz than Westminster.
Jesus I hope Cameron does’nt go to bloody Algeria
Well if he went there he might be able to baffle them into submission by waffling.
Holland daze.
Winner!!!! IMHO
I came here before with the wife. Tulip fields… The Rembrandt museum….Anne Frank’s house… you know the drill.
But now Its just me and camera crew its 5 pints in the banana bar, 5 at Shooters and Hooters , a spliff out in the House of Pain, and whore shopping in Dam square.
Maybe he went to the Vincent Van Gogh Museum this time– can’t tell from the photo whether he’s got a right ear or not…
Deaf Nick Robinson not really interested in Cameron.
He heard Clogg and Bols would be there
very good !!
I’ve just been with a girl called Steve
big? ☻
Arrrh the back spot, beware of the black spot
What do you mean this isn’t the place where they tax the rich 75%?
I only came here for a Brazilian
Heinekine refreshes the prats other lagers cannot reach.
These ping pong balls have a bit of a wiff waff about them.
Well since he’s not here, me and the lads have done that street, now we’re off down this one. All on expenses, he he..
I can confirm that if you want to know all about in-out, in-out, then this is the place.
“No matter how many whores shit on my face, I am still bald…”
Well lots of whores shit on my face and I’m bald too. Do you think it’s a coincidence?
I’ve had that bike. Against that wall, too.
“..The Pm has rightly cancelled his speech.so the focus..{pause}.. will move to Algeria.”
{pause}
This is Nick Robinson, {pause} in Amsterdam, {pause} about to buy a 12″ Black Mamba and rubber hot pants.
In conclusion, after exhaustive research, I can confirm Julie Birchill is wrong.
And there I was thinking that Bald Knob was in Arkansas…
Where the Ozarks meet the Delta!
brain development completes at the age of 22. people over the age of 22 should be able to pay to attend a drugs education course (covering all types deemed illicit plus alcohol and tobacco) at the end of which they sit a exam. if they pass said exam they get a certificate which enables them to see their gp who then checks their physical and mental health. if found to be in good mental and physical health the doctor issues said applicant with a cannabis procurement licence. the rules of which are thus. it can be used to procure a maximum one ounce of cannabis a month from licenced sellers. the licence holder can only use it in the company of other licence holders. any licence holders found using or selling or sharing cannabis with none licence holders have their licence revoked (at the very least). simples. no more “cannabis is a gateway to other drugs”… cannabis is all people need.
*this suggestion is brought to you by kofi annan and was not sanctioned by the alcohol or oil lobby.
“Now that you can get beaten up by the Muslim Patrol for drinking alcohol in London, I choose to go out and get p!ssed in Amsterdam.”
Where you can get murdered like Theo Van Gogh for “blaspheming” I*slam– an “halal” slaughter, as he had his throat cut by a muzzie shouting “Allahu Akbar (God Is Great)!”
Was he on a fact finding mission?
Going commando in the front line.
Normal Beebeesee policy.
Always a twat around to keep their fingers in the dykes.
” So in conclusion, this is Nick Robinson BBC News, looking for a shag..”
The caption above Robinson’s head “Live. Amsterdam” is missing the middle word ‘SEX’
Whats that pat-at?
Nick Robinson reports that, after an extensive search, women ‘with the bodies of Brazilian transexuals’ do not exist.
I’m out here but the prime minister is not.
It is a terrible blow.
As Nick gazed at the camera, fascinated, it occurred to him that he could murder a Mars Bar.
Algeria hostage crisis: Right wing political blogger,Guido Fawkes still ‘at risk’
Please help readers by pointing out which bit of your comment , if any, is supposed to be humorous.
That’s the news from two-lips of Hamster-jam.
We’ll have that joint k’affiir.
After five hours standing in a shop window in his Speedos, with no takers, Nick reluctantly went back to his day job.
Once i,ve finished this piece to camera,there are plenty of bicycle
saddles that need sniffing,.
We’ll sort something out Nick. Half of Amsterdam looks like Algeria anyway.
Hey! Don’t blame me! You all wanted this multicultural diversity shit.
I’ll take any shit!
“I asked a couple of women in the street behind me, what they thought of an early British withdrawal. They said it happens all the time, but the price remains the same. Not sure I follow…”
Winner (Michael)!
historic? no. sufficient? yes.
This has to be the winner, I realy did Laugh Out Load.
Very well done Poets Day.
With wicked glee, the cameraman’s finger strayed to the remote control for Nick’s new butt plug……..
Without the normal journalistic feed from the Guardian hacks, Nick Robinson has to finally go Dutch.
I wonder if he got his dome polished ?
This is Nick Robinson, in Amsterdam, reporting on a tit and a fuck up – just not the ones I expected.
“Bloody hell its cold up top, I’m gonna get me a Dutch Cap…”
” Disappointed I cannot interview Dave but fortunately a friendly young lady, proud of her city has promised me a trip through her canals.”
Nick leaves a French restaurant after eating L’escargot and thorough bread, followed by filly steak and Shergar salad, with Red Rum baba to finish. All washed down with a nice hock.
Nick Robinson
BBC
Looking for the body of a Brazilian Transsexual.
Thats another fine mess you got me into David.
So have any of the hostages been stoned?
Well they certainly were not helped by Algerian Special Needs Forces!
Nick shows the finer points of tying a scarf the poncey BBC / Leigh On Sea way!
A little peak cap would have been a good finish.
She said ” do you want a happy ending” I said, that never happens in politics!
Jesus, all that taxpayer money on a lovely over priced, over heated BBC HQ and I get sent to freeze my nuts of in Dam.
Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It’s a little secret, just the Robinsons’ affair
Most of all, you’ve got to hide it from the kids
And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson…
Nick’s managed to find a Dutch bike he can ride without falling off.
“Well Huw, let’s just say that when David Cameron’s speech was first mooted I had a full head of hair and you still could buy a Gouda tart for 10 Guilders”.
Robisnon saying………In/Out In/Out Camerons gone walkabout.
So far there has been no evidence of any whores from Amsterdam being found in a Tesco burger.
So, Dave’s not coming. Let’s hope I do.
Man of misery. Never mind I’ll have an Amstel
“Well, John, it’s actually not the first time a Robinson has been marooned. “
Prick. Nobbinson
BBC. News
Screwing
Sources at No 11 have told the BBC exclusively that a little Rubber Wear shop on Oudezijds Achterburgwal is the best place to go, knock three times and ask Rene for the special ‘extra tight’ Bryant underpants.