January 9th, 2013

Balls Threatens to Throw Toys Out of Labour Pram

ballsEd Balls was never going to stay silent on the growing speculation about a humiliating sacking at the hands ruthless Ed Miliband. Dangerous subversive chatter over the Shadow Chancellor’s future has goaded the Balls spin machine into lashing out. As ever Kevin Maguire was the grateful recipient of the poison:

“Allies of the shadow chancellor whisper that he’d take his bat and balls away and retire to the back benches rather than swallow demotion to another portfolio.”

A pretty unsubtle threat from Ed. Read: Balls is not going to go quietly. 


  1. 1
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    He needs to stay.

  2. 2
  3. 3
    skorpian de rooftrouser says:

    But,but the two eds are a great team

  4. 4
    skorpian de rooftrouser says:

    If he did go, will he be replaced by Ladyboy Cooper?

  5. 5
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Balls to Ed Miliband: come have a go if you think you’re hard enough.

  6. 6
    Ah! ffs says:

    No ferrets fighting in a bag, G

  7. 7
    Ah! ffs says:

    A joke , just as good as a laugh.

  8. 8
    2013 is going to be bleak in sunderland as the benefit caps kick in says:

    Millcnut hasnt the balls to sack Balls,no one should forget how powerful the Brown/Balls followers are in the Labour Party.Anyway who would he appoint as Shadow Chancellor,Cooper?his brother? I dont thinkk so.much as I would love to see fratricde in the Labour Pary this is a non starter sadly

  9. 9
    VoteUkip says:

    Maguire, another socialist who could play the scarecrow in Wizard of Oz perfectly.

  10. 10
    skorpian de rooftrouser says:

    If he does go maybe Fatso Watson is in with a chance

  11. 11
    Chris The Leatherman says:

    Maybe Red Ed will replace him with brother Dave who, according to the Telegraph, is looking to return to front-line politics.

  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Milliband could really rub it in if he sacked Mr Balls and replaced him with Mrs Balls.

    He’d probably have to sack her before the election and put someone slightly more grown up in the role. But hell, it would be funny sowing that strife in to the Balls household.

  13. 13
    David Milliband says:

    Ed you know me taking your job is the right thing for the country.
    Look no hard feelings eh, have a banana.

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    I agree, anybody thinking of voting labour will take one look at the 2 geniuses called Ed and vote for anybody but them !

  15. 15
    Daily Ref says:

    If @Ed_Miliband does sack @EdBallsMP and he goes to the back bench as he has threatened, Conservative MPs will play “spot the Balls contest” at PMQs

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Keep him, the whole front bench are a joke !

  17. 17
    Check Facts First says:

    He`ll do what his misses tells him to do. After all little Yvette wants a job in cabinet and Mr Balls falling out big time with Ed isn`t going to help is it. Be a bit of a laugh though with Ed and David sitting next to each other with David constantly out performing Ed. Maybe David will get to lead the party after all. The Tories are having a good start to 2013, now it is Labour`s turn to be on the back foot.

  18. 18
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    he has done it in his own family so why not share the love around

  19. 19
    Balls to go to backbenches..is THAT a promise says:

    Problem for Miliband Junior is that I can’t see older brother David as an ex-Foreign Secretary accepting anything less than Shadow Chancellor….anything else would smack too much of a humiliation after already losing the leadership to “Little Bro”

    The other problem is that if Balls carried through with his threat he would be a focus for trouble on the backbenches as he still actually thinks he is potential leadership material…….

  20. 20
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Am I the only one who finds the phrase “sack Balls” rather amusing?

  21. 21
    25 Stone Baby says:

    Balls is a 17 stone baby

    boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo hoo hoo

  22. 22
    Smig says:

    Ed Balls: He’s just another little red pest of whom I would like to rescind the breathing privileges of.

    Remember! “Red of rosette, nation in debt.”

  23. 23

    However said two ‘Eds are better than one never came across the backstabbing Labour party.Such fun.I feel an implosion coming on.

  24. 24
    The Watcher says:

    Would that the fucker threw himself out as well – on the sheer precipice side – where nursey happened to leave him.

    PS – where is Nauseating Nursey Grouniad Brhune when the little shit needs him?

  25. 25
    skorpian de rooftrouser says:

    It turns out that Yvette is a jock she was born in Inverness

  26. 26
    Scrotum says:

    No !

  27. 27
    Shooty* says:


  28. 28
    Cooper's chance is only if Miliband loses in 2015 says:

    Yvette will be too old for leader by 2025…as Ed Miliband will want to serve two terms as PM or at very least stand down in 2023. He wouldn’t want o be a one term PM like Cameron

  29. 29
    Pol Pot says:

    Dave M better arm himself with something a bit more substantial than a Banana the next time around, et tu Fruity!.

  30. 30
    Geordie boy says:

    Has Yvette seen Ed’s Balls

  31. 31
    My Lord MandleScum of HeavingPool and Boyz says:

    I always fancied that boy that Ed walks about with – I fancy getting to know him better – in the biblical sense – and all his little secret places!

  32. 32
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Ed Balls fiscal incontinence pads, get them whilst they’re cheap.

  33. 33
    Pol Pot says:

    Ball-sack is better.

  34. 34
    Raving Loon says:

    Balls is making a threat to leave? I fail to see the problem.

  35. 35
    Ed says:

    I’ll need one of those Blue Pills first.

  36. 36
    Yes yes dear i'm retweeting now. says:

  37. 37
    Godfather says:

    keep your friends close . .

  38. 38
    Never say never says:

    He may be tempted by some “big” party role such as 2015 Election Campaign Supremo with beefed up Shadow Cabinet & Party position covering several key areas such as Economy; Business; Welfare etc…all key areas in 2015

  39. 39
    Waynetta or it may Shardonay or Bliss says:

    only we strive fer is ter git knocked up innit?

  40. 40
    Can't use me old moniker says:

    Didn’t bully ballsy denounce him thrice yesterday?

  41. 41
    A Urologist writes says:

    Testes getting testy

  42. 42
    Vas Deferens says:

    The castrated labour party.

    Actually a threat

  43. 43
    Mornington Crescent says:

    DUEBA !

  44. 44
    Jimmy Fox says:

    To be forever known as Back Bench Balls

  45. 45
    A Urologist writes says:


  46. 46
    M. Barrymore says:

    Awaight! Oi! Mandelscum! I’ve told you before! I don’t mind you smoking around the house, but stop dropping dead fags in my pool!

    Awaight at tha back?!

  47. 47
    Euphemism says:

    ‘Balls at the back’

    A complete and utter flop, except for flipping his house 3 times.

  48. 48
    Pol Pot says:

    Shouldn’t you be re-heating your shepherds pie, master chef!.

  49. 49

    Even Gordon was not mad enough to make Balls chancellor, which reveals Miliband as weak/stupid or more crazy than Brown

  50. 50
    Jessops says:

    Anyone want a cheap camera?

  51. 51
    Rage says:

    Please Yvette, can you explain what a strivers tax is. The nearest explanation I can come up with is employers NI contribs.

  52. 52
    Raving Loon says:

    Removing benefits is not a tax, you numbskull. Their is no “right” to someone else’s money, so removing what was never yours in the first place is not a tax. And what is the point in taxing someone, only to give it back to them in benefits?

  53. 53
    Solly says:

    “Ed Miliband will want to serve two terms as PM”

    Hahahaha! I want to win the lottery this evening. Fuck all chance of it happening.

  54. 54
    jimbo says:

    I don’t know what the British public have done wrong to deserve such a bunch of half sharp bunch of Politicians from all three parties. We the public need to vote each and every one of them out by voting for anyone other than this bunch of mediocre expense grabbers, no one could be worse so there is nothing to lose.
    All of the main Parties have been responsible for this Country being over run by immigrants (cannot blame them,after all Britain is the only Country that works against it’s own citizens in immigrants favour and giving them benefit utopia) Most of our Politicians have committed treason and one day will be brought to justice for doing so.

  55. 55
    Moussa Koussa Mark 4 says:

    PR man indeed

    Dave the marketing / advertising executive has shown his colours this week, First The “Ronseal man”, then at PMQ , claims to be “Unvarnished”

    …all part of the cringe worthy marketing strategy

    All sing along

    “””There useless useless, very very useless, their very useless, their very useless”””

  56. 56
    America's Dumbest Animals says:

    Got any of those candid ones?

  57. 57
    Steve Miliband says:

    Bring back Postie

  58. 58
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    This is not a benefit it is welfare, the whole Country became addicted to welfare as part of the Labour domination plan.

  59. 59
    B. Bunter-Watson says:

    (Forlornly) I can’t see my little Willie…

  60. 60
    Pol Pot says:

    Labour removed the crime of treason from the statute books (a certain Mr Straw), but in no way does that imply the possibility of any body being held culpable somewhere down the line. -:)

  61. 61
    Pitchforks at the ready says:

    Come the revolution

  62. 62
    Casual Observer says:

    It would be interesting to see what he would throw out of the pram.

  63. 63
    Eunuchonomics says:

    Balls is the weakest link.

  64. 64
    genghiz the kahn says:

    another Labour Omnishamballs.

  65. 65
    devonman says:

    I agree.The whole lot of em make me larf, especially Ballsy.

  66. 66
    David Millipede says:

    But I was never any good at maths. Oh, dear, whatever shall I do?

  67. 67
    UKIP Spokesman says:

    We will put it back on, fear not.

  68. 68
    Rugby Player says:

    They certainly are very sensitive to pressure.

  69. 69
    devonman says:

    Not another jock! Chuck em out. They all talk funny dont they

  70. 70
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    If he goes Labour face civil war. If he stays his very presence is one of the best allies the Conservatives could have.

    Luvvly Jubbly

  71. 71
    Mike Hunt says:

    Only the scarecrow had more brains.

  72. 72
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Give me a bell Waynetta. Boaz.

  73. 73
    Ed Balls says:

    Not only do I know where the skeletons are buried, but I have even kept the gravedigger’s spade with Milipede’s fingerprints and DNA on it … Sack me if you can!

  74. 74
    Take it like I meant it says:

    Every time Balls opens his mouth, it’s clear he would make a first class prime minister, should the Isle of Dogs ever seek full independence.

  75. 75
    Cake thief says:

    Who would it actually hurt

  76. 76
    Tacitus says:

    and your enemies closer

  77. 77
    Clockspring says:

    My name is Edward Testicles
    My career is in a mess-ticles
    I was very close to Gordon Brown
    And that’s guaranteed to let me down

    My majority hangs by a thread
    The whole party wants me dead
    And I’ll shoot you in the back
    Unless you’re a grovelling Hack

    But the truth is worse than that
    Despite being an odious tw@t
    It’s simply far from super
    Ed Milliband loves Yvette Cooper

  78. 78
    Blinky Balls says:

    All this unhelpful speculation is making me blink and stutter. You should be ashamed of yourselves for picking on me.

  79. 79
    Blinky says:

    Someone just tried to sell me a personalised number plate. He said it summed my character up perfectly. I’m still trying to work out what he meant. C1 JNT

  80. 80
    Jagbulon says:

    What sane person would possibly contemplate this inept clown running the British Economy? Come a general election he will be a massive vote loser for Labour.
    So lets hope that Millipede keeps him.

    Not only that, he also provides great entertainment value. The parliamentarian who it is easiest to laugh at. So let’s hope Millipede keeps him.

    Actually I feel sorry for him. Imagine what it must be like being married to Yvette.

  81. 81
    John says:

    Pah Ed Miliband thinks Balls is da shizzle. They both deserve to drown together at the next election.

    With a little bit of luck the fat blinky fucker will lose his seat and end up on the dole too. Only a 1100 majority remember…

  82. 82
    Spich Riter says:

    Ed Balls hasn’t got a “bat and ball” to take away, it’s a silly metaphor given that Ed Millithing is in charge.

    Ed M, if you’re reading this, feel free to use it:

    You’d better watch out, you’d better not cry. You’d better not pout, I’m telling you why … no one gives a shit

  83. 83
    jimbo says:

    We should also bring back the Death sentence for this most serious crime making no exceptions.

  84. 84
    jimbo says:

    You have confirmed that he has never had a proper job, how the hell does he know about Mr Average ? As you say he is useless, very true, he is also a socialist following Saulinsky’s ideals, utter useless !

  85. 85
    What's Left? says:

    Red Ed gives Red Balls a kicking.


  86. 86
    jimbo says:

    She has to love him to marry a complete Balls !

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Balls – Joke!

  88. 88
    David B says:

    Seeing the forces of hell again would be fun

  89. 89
    Fat Bastard says:

    Making fun of my manhood, punk?
    You’re going to fucking regret that!

  90. 90
    Raticus Tuaticus says:

    Balls is a bully boy, and the biggest yobbo in Westminster!

  91. 91
    Tess Tickle says:

    Ed and Yvette. Two Balls in the same scrotum. And like all balls, eventually they’ll drop.

  92. 92
    Yvette says:

    It will look good next to my M1 NGR

  93. 93
    Aunty Maud says:

    Tut tut! Temper tantrum and split infinitive in the same sentence!!

  94. 94
    Aunty Maud says:

    M4, we note that you remain just as illiterate as your predecessors.

  95. 95
    Aunty Maud says:

    .. and all postal voters too!

  96. 96
    Aunty Maud says:

    It is now abundantly clear he is trying to be a pramadonna.

  97. 97
    NelsonsGoodeye says:

    Most of our Politicians have committed treason and one day will be brought to justice for doing so.* I sincerely hope so, but I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you!

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    The Economic depression will continue regardless of who the police put in Power ,theres no way out of this ,the shops-brands that have fleeced people are going to close for good ,that includes the tory establishment and the Monarchy and USA NEO-CONS (Pentagon-e!)

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