January 8th, 2013

Knife Out for Chuka

Guido was sad to miss two-faced Chuka Umunna dining in a pub popular with the Guy Newsroom team last night. Judging by his choice of meal, the Shadow Business Secretary was putting on his man of the people act, though a co-conspiratorial vintner whispers that the mask slipped and Chuka awkwardly came a cropper with his cutlery:

“He had a burger and a pint of s**t lager. Dropped his knife and waited for someone to pick it up for him. Nobody did of course.”

He does think he’s a cut above the rest, after all…


  1. 1
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Is he thinking of Luciana in that pic?


  2. 2
    Kebab Time says:

    “Its just Chuka being Chuka “


  3. 3
    Germ watch says:

    I hope he wiped it off on his tie before using it.


  4. 4
    Westminster Arms Press Officer says:

    I couldn’t possibly comment.


  5. 6
    Casual Observer says:

    Chuka your knife ? That’s affray isn’t it ?


  6. 7
    PuffinPower says:

    Guido you really do have it in for this young, intelligent, attractive man. Can’t imagine why.


  7. 8
    Steve Miliband says:

    It’s the old ‘three second rule’

    It takes less than three seconds to realise he’s a w*nker


    • 39
      Gonk III says:

      Or the ‘twat in the room’ rule. If you can’t spot the twat in the room, it’s you.
      Umunna has never spotted a twat.


  8. 9
    The Chef says:

    Chefs always keep a bottle of your chefs ‘extra special relish’ to hand. Just in case Chuka arrives to eat and you can’t get it up.


  9. 10
    Alex "gimp" Reid says:

    Hold on: burger; knife? What kind of knob eats a burger with cutlery? Pretentious git.


  10. 11
    Dr Evil says:

    He truly must be a prince among men if he waits for someone to pick up after him. But he does use the tube, apparently.


  11. 14
    Owen Jones says:

    1am: “I’ve wet the bed”
    2am: “I’ve had a nightmare”
    3am: “Can I get in your bed?”
    4am: “I’ve wet the bed again”
    5am: “I’m hungry”

    This is the last time Guido Fawkes stays over.


    • 32
      Casual Observer says:

      Owen Jones is the product of 13 years of dumbing down.

      The guy is a complete idiot.


      • 55
        Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

        You are so explanatory in your arguements, Casual, or should I say to you, you tory casualty.


        • 117
          b says:

          cringe everytime i hear owen jones whining on….really feel embarassed for him because one day he will look back on his appearances and realise how stupid he looks, just always going for what policies he thinks are “nice” and will get him the most claps from the question time audience…awful


  12. 15
    Chukusyrmuni says:

    I’m looking for a new SPAD, it was just a test.


  13. 16
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Do we know if Halal meat is available in the HOC as a special. Or is it ALL Halal?


    • 95
      Anonymous says:

      Slaughtering animals by the halal method is illegal unless the meat is for the food of muslims. Same applies to kosher slaughter. Yet no prosecutions have been made.


      • 116
        Anonymous says:

        It sure is but I got told by a mate who collects and delivers meat from the abbatoir to the stores for a very well known supermarket that most if not all the meat is Halal that WE buy, something I’m sure you will notice if you have an Asda (oops) in a mullticult area, just watch who’s buying the same meat from the same shelves as you do.


  14. 27
    Bassetlaw Man says:

    Aye, I’d stick nut on him.


  15. 28
    Casual Observer says:

    The most important aspect of Piers Morgan interview is at last the American alternative media has broken through to the mainstream.

    Jones gets about 6-7x more people tuning in to his show (c. 3-3.5m) than Morgan, and that is just on the net. He is ranked just outside the top 10 as well over there.

    As a fun exercise for any media studies ‘students’ out there, comparing the Commentator / US reports with the Grauniad is a good exercise.

    It should be observed that there is a consensus of sorts forming in the US that the admin wish to push for civil conflict in order to institute martial law. This is a technique that has been used to impose socialism in the past which is primarily why there has been a very strong reaction.

    On the plus side, Morgan has helped put gun and ammunition sales through the roof.

    Sandy Hook doubts, questions and conspiracies are beginning to get taken seriously now as well.


    • 92
      Be Not Fooled says:

      Alex Jones is a modern-day “official” dissenter, whose angry demeanour disguises the fact that his schtick is a less-than-candid attempt to ridicule (and to deceive the more trusting) honest questioners into the System and its machinations, by use of the spitball strategy– throw enough against the wall and some will stick, undoubtedly, but not much will be accomplished thereby. In any event, his targets are too diffuse and his methods too ineffectual to reward any attempts by his followers to emulate him, if by some chance they were to actually take him seriously. In this, he follows in the footsteps of a gentleman named Wally George in the 1970’s, who combined the look and persona (and, “as it happens,” the honesty) of Jimmy Savile (whom he knew Americans would not know) with the political worldview of the John Birch Society. Alex Jones? Give us strength!


  16. 33
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    Question: Why are so many MPs MPs when really they should be just advisors, to an MP like me, who has been out there and lived it?

    It’s all round-about twisted.

    Yes, vote for me – I know how people live.


    • 44
      Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

      Suppose an advisor has finally reached the top, with Dave Cee, and look at what we have got – a golden calf.

      Read the old testament on the tablets on Mount Sinai if I have lost you.


  17. 34
    Posh Bloke down the pub says:

    So would Chuka’s rare appearance in a pub have something to do with a populist political agenda? Take it as read that the last place Chuka wants to be is in a typical British pub.


  18. 38
    Dunlop says:

    If you look closely at his mouth you can see “Inflate to 40 lbs”.


  19. 42
    Pol Pot says:

    It must be very difficult for him though, making an unintended political statement as he orders a KFC with Large Fries.


  20. 43
    Joss Taskin says:

    Why this obsession about quotas and targets and lists ??


  21. 46
    M says:

    He’s not a cut above everyone else
    He’s a cu’t above everyone else


  22. 47
    David Minibanana says:

    I reckon he’ll try and drop his knife in Red Ed’s back. Karma.


  23. 51
    Rob says:

    Dear Mrs Wilson,

    Don’t think you can get away with a burger for me tonight.

    This letter already is in the public domain,

    Your Cuddly Bear.


  24. 53
    Doesn't it fill your heart with joy? says:

    Nottingham Crown Court has heard how a two-year-old boy died after drinking his mother’s methadone from a ‘sippy cup’ beaker while she slept.

    Sally Dent from Belper in Derbyshire woke up on March 13 last year to find her little boy Riley unconscious next to her in bed.

    The BBC reports that the 32-year-old mum was a heroin addict who had left the methadone in ‘easy reach’ on a bedside table.

    Both she and Riley’s dad Shaun Binfield, 44, deny Riley’s manslaughter and child cruelty charges.

    Yvonne Coen QC, prosecuting, told the court that Sally Dent had a history of drug abuse, and was taking methadone to try and combat her addiction to heroin.

    She said it was ‘grave negligence’ that the methadone had been left in a child beaker and in a place where Riley could easily each it.

    “Not only would [the beaker] have attracted him to it like a little bee to a honeypot but it was also within easy reach of him,” Ms Coen said.

    The court heard that when paramedics arrived at the family home in Belper, Nottinghamshire, Riley was lifeless. He was transferred to hospital but pronounced dead shortly after.

    Post-mortem results found the little boy had enough methadone in his blood, stomach and urine to kill him. It is thought he had ingested between 10 and 20ml of the substance.

    His parents had originally told police officers that the toddler must have climbed on top of a wardrobe to reach the methadone, where it was usually stored in a locked box.

    Dent’s local newspaper, the Derby Telegraph, reports that she collected methadone three times a week from a chemist, but often sold it on to other drug users for £10 for a 50ml bottle.

    The trial continues.


    • 96
      The stupidity of the NHS / drug policy says:

      You do not quit a dependency on addictive one drug by substituting another.

      It is as ineffective as taking nicotine chewing gum to quit smoking. You are not breaking an addiction.

      The whole methadone farce is just a way of diverting tax payer money into a pharmaceutical company whilst keeping the addicts as a source of demand. The addicted become less functional, more dependent on the state and can be useful political fodder.

      FFS Britain – it is about time you woke up to these scams.

      Given the love in with p@ed0’s though apparent over there, perhaps killing kids in more interesting ways with bad social / health policy is what you ugys are into now ?


  25. 57
    Norovirus says:

    ” I’m free “!


  26. 59
    Meanwhile back at the Court House says:

    Court 6 U20120475
    PRICE Vasiliki & HUNHE Christopher T20127076 SOUTHWARK CROWN COURT CASE
    For Hearing – Resume – 13:59



  27. 68
    Jimmy says:

    For heaven’s sake just ask him out.


    • 82

      Would you turn him down, Jimmy?


      • 89
        Jimmy says:

        He’s certainly a handsome man but I the though of his dropped cutlery just doesn’t have this effect on me. Perhaps you had to be there. Even allowing for the special attention this blog normally reserves for our duskier representatives this seems a tad excessive.


      • 91
        Gay Fawkes says:

        My first crush was on Saint Tony Blair, then my head was turned by the dashing blond bombshell Boris, but now I have the hots for the African boy and his huge uncut cock.

        G.Fawkes, knob Jockey.


  28. 69
    Beast says:

    Fork off Chukka !


  29. 72
    Chucky: Master of the Empty Waffling Answer says:


  30. 78
    Joe McCarthy says:

    I blame those commie b******s for all our troubles


  31. 80
    Glutton says:

    Most half-decent greasy spoons will replace cutlery that falls on the floor. But who eats a burger with a knife and fork?


  32. 84
    Lee throws his toys out the pram says:


  33. 90
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Guido Fawkes ‏@GuidoFawkes
    Witness in front of Public Administration Committee on Future of the Civil Service credits Guido Fawkes blog with saving taxpayers millions.-

    I propose a 1% commission for G


  34. 93
    Out and about with the Edinburgh dogshite says:

    What a piece of socialist shit. He is thick as a bric, as are the arsewipes who vote for him


  35. 106
    Long balls Silver and his goat says:

    Thankfully he is bald, and that’s why he got off, legally.


  36. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Chuka’s constituency office was closed down for THREE WEEKS over Xmas/New Year. I’m sure there were lots of poor people who could have done with Chuka’s help.


  37. 108

    Hello ! Famous person alert , look who’s sitting in Your pub , can somebody pick up this famous persons knife , Hey Hello ! Pleb’s my food is getting cold Hello !


  38. 109
    The savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Chuck. Me. Your. Mummy.

    I like mature ladies .

    I’m sad like that .

    Still… I. Suppose it’s better than gagging for the tweenagers.


  39. 111
    2013 is going to be bleak in sunderland as the benefit caps kick in says:

    He probably hasnt got the hang of eating with a knife and for yet.


  40. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t be horrid to Chuka – his grandfather was a High Court judge.


  41. 113
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    There’s something about Chucky that leads me to think he has spent time under Vaz’ viscous tutelage.


  42. 114
    James Delingpole says:

    I think this can be filed under ‘not news’


  43. 115
    Sandra Mary Bergson says:

    Good anything that punctures his ego is fine by me


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