January 8th, 2013

Knife Out for Chuka

Guido was sad to miss two-faced Chuka Umunna dining in a pub popular with the Guy Newsroom team last night. Judging by his choice of meal, the Shadow Business Secretary was putting on his man of the people act, though a co-conspiratorial vintner whispers that the mask slipped and Chuka awkwardly came a cropper with his cutlery:

“He had a burger and a pint of s**t lager. Dropped his knife and waited for someone to pick it up for him. Nobody did of course.”

He does think he’s a cut above the rest, after all…


  1. 1
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Is he thinking of Luciana in that pic?

  2. 2
    Kebab Time says:

    “Its just Chuka being Chuka “

  3. 3
    Germ watch says:

    I hope he wiped it off on his tie before using it.

  4. 4
    Westminster Arms Press Officer says:

    I couldn’t possibly comment.

  5. 5
    So True Chuka, So True, Old Women at that. says:

  6. 6
    Casual Observer says:

    Chuka your knife ? That’s affray isn’t it ?

  7. 7
    PuffinPower says:

    Guido you really do have it in for this young, intelligent, attractive man. Can’t imagine why.

  8. 8
    Steve Miliband says:

    It’s the old ‘three second rule’

    It takes less than three seconds to realise he’s a w*nker

  9. 9
    The Chef says:

    Chefs always keep a bottle of your chefs ‘extra special relish’ to hand. Just in case Chuka arrives to eat and you can’t get it up.

  10. 10
    Alex "gimp" Reid says:

    Hold on: burger; knife? What kind of knob eats a burger with cutlery? Pretentious git.

  11. 11
    Dr Evil says:

    He truly must be a prince among men if he waits for someone to pick up after him. But he does use the tube, apparently.

  12. 12
    Tuscan Tony says:

    So many to nail, so little to nail them with.

  13. 13
    Roger the Member for Liverpool Wavertree says:

    well, it does say he had a burger last night

  14. 14
    Owen Jones says:

    1am: “I’ve wet the bed”
    2am: “I’ve had a nightmare”
    3am: “Can I get in your bed?”
    4am: “I’ve wet the bed again”
    5am: “I’m hungry”

    This is the last time Guido Fawkes stays over.

  15. 15
    Chukusyrmuni says:

    I’m looking for a new SPAD, it was just a test.

  16. 16
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Do we know if Halal meat is available in the HOC as a special. Or is it ALL Halal?

  17. 17
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Did I subsidise it?

  18. 18
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    If there are so many women in Labour then why do Labour always leave a huge debt, damn I’ve answered my own question?

  19. 19
    I don't nee d no do ctor says:

    Only because the labour males are as thick as pig shit.

  20. 20
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Before he went down on the Lucitania

  21. 21
    The Maths. Not Chuka's strong point says:

    Or 61.3% are men.

    31 odd bods. 12 are supposed to be wimin and 19 are not.


  22. 22
    Chukas expense spreadsheet says:

    Safe to say yes I imagine

  23. 23

    That is not a bad stab…

  24. 24
    Red Egg Millitit... says:

    He is not the Messiah, he is a very naughty boy !

  25. 25
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Well, he did have a… Berger…

  26. 26
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    He seems to talk sense, but how genuine? Tthe jury is even out with me.

    You have got to pay out there, to understand.

  27. 27
    Bassetlaw Man says:

    Aye, I’d stick nut on him.

  28. 28
    Casual Observer says:

    The most important aspect of Piers Morgan interview is at last the American alternative media has broken through to the mainstream.

    Jones gets about 6-7x more people tuning in to his show (c. 3-3.5m) than Morgan, and that is just on the net. He is ranked just outside the top 10 as well over there.

    As a fun exercise for any media studies ‘students’ out there, comparing the Commentator / US reports with the Grauniad is a good exercise.

    It should be observed that there is a consensus of sorts forming in the US that the admin wish to push for civil conflict in order to institute martial law. This is a technique that has been used to impose socialism in the past which is primarily why there has been a very strong reaction.

    On the plus side, Morgan has helped put gun and ammunition sales through the roof.

    Sandy Hook doubts, questions and conspiracies are beginning to get taken seriously now as well.

  29. 29
    Divide and conquer says:

    What about a leader though Chuka or maybe even a PM?

  30. 30

    Without cheese, I would hope…

  31. 31
    Archer Karcher says:

    Do the Eagle brothers qualify as women?

  32. 32
    Casual Observer says:

    Owen Jones is the product of 13 years of dumbing down.

    The guy is a complete idiot.

  33. 33
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    Question: Why are so many MPs MPs when really they should be just advisors, to an MP like me, who has been out there and lived it?

    It’s all round-about twisted.

    Yes, vote for me – I know how people live.

  34. 34
    Posh Bloke down the pub says:

    So would Chuka’s rare appearance in a pub have something to do with a populist political agenda? Take it as read that the last place Chuka wants to be is in a typical British pub.

  35. 35
  36. 36
    Where Eagles Scare says:


  37. 37
    Tories have been there got the T shirt years ago says:

    And the only female Prime Minister came from which party Chuka?

  38. 38
    Dunlop says:

    If you look closely at his mouth you can see “Inflate to 40 lbs”.

  39. 39
    Gonk III says:

    Or the ‘twat in the room’ rule. If you can’t spot the twat in the room, it’s you.
    Umunna has never spotted a twat.

  40. 40
    ex-Grauniad Reader says:

    He may have just been hungry, and looking to get noticed by journo’s in order to have a blog article written about him. All publicity good publicity kind of thing ?

  41. 41
    Archer Karcher says:

    Labour deserve to be bashed at every opportunity until, well, let’s say until the disasterous pile of debt they built up for my children and grandchildren to pay off, is paid.

    Even they may get the message by then, though I doubt their thick as shite voters ever will.

  42. 42
    Pol Pot says:

    It must be very difficult for him though, making an unintended political statement as he orders a KFC with Large Fries.

  43. 43
    Joss Taskin says:

    Why this obsession about quotas and targets and lists ??

  44. 44
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    Suppose an advisor has finally reached the top, with Dave Cee, and look at what we have got – a golden calf.

    Read the old testament on the tablets on Mount Sinai if I have lost you.

  45. 45

    Did you know that Bassetlaw Man is an anagram for I am a wanker with just a minimal switch of letters?

  46. 46
    M says:

    He’s not a cut above everyone else
    He’s a cu’t above everyone else

  47. 47
    David Minibanana says:

    I reckon he’ll try and drop his knife in Red Ed’s back. Karma.

  48. 48
    LOL says:

  49. 49
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Oh I dunno, someone who wants to spread the sauce evenly?
    Cut the Chuckster some slack here!

  50. 50
    The Libor party says:

    But only 12% of them have an IQ above 4.

  51. 51
    Rob says:

    Dear Mrs Wilson,

    Don’t think you can get away with a burger for me tonight.

    This letter already is in the public domain,

    Your Cuddly Bear.

  52. 52
    David Minibanana says:

    That you, bro ?

  53. 53
    Doesn't it fill your heart with joy? says:

    Nottingham Crown Court has heard how a two-year-old boy died after drinking his mother’s methadone from a ‘sippy cup’ beaker while she slept.

    Sally Dent from Belper in Derbyshire woke up on March 13 last year to find her little boy Riley unconscious next to her in bed.

    The BBC reports that the 32-year-old mum was a heroin addict who had left the methadone in ‘easy reach’ on a bedside table.

    Both she and Riley’s dad Shaun Binfield, 44, deny Riley’s manslaughter and child cruelty charges.

    Yvonne Coen QC, prosecuting, told the court that Sally Dent had a history of drug abuse, and was taking methadone to try and combat her addiction to heroin.

    She said it was ‘grave negligence’ that the methadone had been left in a child beaker and in a place where Riley could easily each it.

    “Not only would [the beaker] have attracted him to it like a little bee to a honeypot but it was also within easy reach of him,” Ms Coen said.

    The court heard that when paramedics arrived at the family home in Belper, Nottinghamshire, Riley was lifeless. He was transferred to hospital but pronounced dead shortly after.

    Post-mortem results found the little boy had enough methadone in his blood, stomach and urine to kill him. It is thought he had ingested between 10 and 20ml of the substance.

    His parents had originally told police officers that the toddler must have climbed on top of a wardrobe to reach the methadone, where it was usually stored in a locked box.

    Dent’s local newspaper, the Derby Telegraph, reports that she collected methadone three times a week from a chemist, but often sold it on to other drug users for £10 for a 50ml bottle.

    The trial continues.

  54. 54
    Born with a Silver Spoon says:

    Says the posh Toff who thinks the pub Landlord should pick up his dropped cutlery for him.

  55. 55
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    You are so explanatory in your arguements, Casual, or should I say to you, you tory casualty.

  56. 56

    It does rather look like the money shot.

  57. 57
    Norovirus says:

    ” I’m free “!

  58. 58
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    bend over, waiter….

  59. 59
    Meanwhile back at the Court House says:

    Court 6 U20120475
    PRICE Vasiliki & HUNHE Christopher T20127076 SOUTHWARK CROWN COURT CASE
    For Hearing – Resume – 13:59


  60. 60
    John Prescott says:

    Not me lad! I like to hold a burger in both me hands and wolf it down quick like!

  61. 61
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    did you buy shares in bog roll?

  62. 62
    Miss L Berger says:

    But 100% are champagne socialist twats, esp you .

  63. 63
    Smoke n mirrors says:

    I see they are still misspelling Pryce and Huhne and pretending it is at Southwark and not Reading. How stupid of them to think anyone would fall for it.

  64. 64
    Pol Pot says:

    We knew that all along :-)

  65. 65

    Mr Justice Sweeney has just donned his black wig, so I hear…

  66. 66
    Calamity Clegg says:

    Send him down !!

  67. 67
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    Tidy info – Court Six! Quite ironic,

  68. 68
    Jimmy says:

    For heaven’s sake just ask him out.

  69. 69
    Beast says:

    Fork off Chukka !

  70. 70

    They had to do that to get it past the m0db0t, lol.

  71. 71
    Pick the knife up your fucking self says:

    Isn’t he the cock who charged conference delegates £10 for his autograph? What a pathetic narcissistic dickhead. I bet he goes to sleep picturing himself outside No10 as Prime Minister.

  72. 72
    Chucky: Master of the Empty Waffling Answer says:

  73. 73
    Chuka Umunna says:

    Pick up my knife, pleb!

  74. 74
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Statistically ther are 3 hermaphrodites in the commons. Where do they fit in?

  75. 75
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    Ah, that cracked record again. Told you tories to stop listening to yank imported songs, George dubious Bush warbelings, republican.

  76. 76

    Then it has gone up by 4 since Gordon was PM.

  77. 77
    Steve Miliband says:

    Is he trying to copy PippaTips?

  78. 78
    Joe McCarthy says:

    I blame those commie b******s for all our troubles

  79. 79

    Well, they start off by bending forwards…

  80. 80
    Glutton says:

    Most half-decent greasy spoons will replace cutlery that falls on the floor. But who eats a burger with a knife and fork?

  81. 81
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:


    wish people would stop encouraging me to post youtubby shite.

  82. 82

    Would you turn him down, Jimmy?

  83. 83
    Labour bashing has gone into top gear says:

    ok, so it was Lucretia, but same difference.

  84. 84
    Lee throws his toys out the pram says:

  85. 85
    "Claire" Grayson Perry says:

    But how many are transgender?

  86. 86
    CarryHole is a complete Hunt says:

    They all seem to be trans-principled. That’s the problem.

  87. 87
    Chris PTFE Hunhe says:

    What does dismissed mean?

  88. 88
    CarryHole is a complete Hunt says:

    Is that why you killed them with the ban on smoking?

  89. 89
    Jimmy says:

    He’s certainly a handsome man but I the though of his dropped cutlery just doesn’t have this effect on me. Perhaps you had to be there. Even allowing for the special attention this blog normally reserves for our duskier representatives this seems a tad excessive.

  90. 90
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Guido Fawkes ‏@GuidoFawkes
    Witness in front of Public Administration Committee on Future of the Civil Service credits Guido Fawkes blog with saving taxpayers millions.-

    I propose a 1% commission for G

  91. 91
    Gay Fawkes says:

    My first crush was on Saint Tony Blair, then my head was turned by the dashing blond bombshell Boris, but now I have the hots for the African boy and his huge uncut cock.

    G.Fawkes, knob Jockey.

  92. 92
    Be Not Fooled says:

    Alex Jones is a modern-day “official” dissenter, whose angry demeanour disguises the fact that his schtick is a less-than-candid attempt to ridicule (and to deceive the more trusting) honest questioners into the System and its machinations, by use of the spitball strategy– throw enough against the wall and some will stick, undoubtedly, but not much will be accomplished thereby. In any event, his targets are too diffuse and his methods too ineffectual to reward any attempts by his followers to emulate him, if by some chance they were to actually take him seriously. In this, he follows in the footsteps of a gentleman named Wally George in the 1970’s, who combined the look and persona (and, “as it happens,” the honesty) of Jimmy Savile (whom he knew Americans would not know) with the political worldview of the John Birch Society. Alex Jones? Give us strength!

  93. 93
    Out and about with the Edinburgh dogshite says:

    What a piece of socialist shit. He is thick as a bric, as are the arsewipes who vote for him

  94. 94
    Diane Abbott says:

    I wear a black wig too!

  95. 95
    Anonymous says:

    Slaughtering animals by the halal method is illegal unless the meat is for the food of muslims. Same applies to kosher slaughter. Yet no prosecutions have been made.

  96. 96
    The stupidity of the NHS / drug policy says:

    You do not quit a dependency on addictive one drug by substituting another.

    It is as ineffective as taking nicotine chewing gum to quit smoking. You are not breaking an addiction.

    The whole methadone farce is just a way of diverting tax payer money into a pharmaceutical company whilst keeping the addicts as a source of demand. The addicted become less functional, more dependent on the state and can be useful political fodder.

    FFS Britain – it is about time you woke up to these scams.

    Given the love in with p@ed0’s though apparent over there, perhaps killing kids in more interesting ways with bad social / health policy is what you ugys are into now ?

  97. 97
    One armed combat says:

    It’s even harder with just a knife!

  98. 98
    Smig says:

    “man of the people act”.

    With cutlery? I thought those that he alleges to represent would be more likely to be eating KFC with their fingers.

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    That will go down well in Bradford West, Tower Hamlets, etc.

  100. 100
    Smig says:


    Its practice for emptying people’s wallets if ever he becomes PM.

  101. 101

    Not at all a political point, but there does seem to be a touch of narcissism to him so perhaps some of the comment is almost invited?

  102. 102
    Fuck off says:

    Fuck off yankee.

  103. 103
    Bugalugs says:

    Nah, he only went in because he knew a certain blogger was not also in at the time.

  104. 104
    Long balls Silver and his goat says:

    Wavertree? Bought an MG Maestro for my mate there back in the day – made a hundred quid on that. And no, it wasn’t nicked, honest.

    Next to Knotty Ash, isn’t it?

  105. 105
    Fish says:

    You’re sacked

  106. 106
    Long balls Silver and his goat says:

    Thankfully he is bald, and that’s why he got off, legally.

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Chuka’s constituency office was closed down for THREE WEEKS over Xmas/New Year. I’m sure there were lots of poor people who could have done with Chuka’s help.

  108. 108

    Hello ! Famous person alert , look who’s sitting in Your pub , can somebody pick up this famous persons knife , Hey Hello ! Pleb’s my food is getting cold Hello !

  109. 109
    The savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Chuck. Me. Your. Mummy.

    I like mature ladies .

    I’m sad like that .

    Still… I. Suppose it’s better than gagging for the tweenagers.

  110. 110
    Britain the ruined country says:

    Only one? Half a dozen more than likely.

  111. 111
    2013 is going to be bleak in sunderland as the benefit caps kick in says:

    He probably hasnt got the hang of eating with a knife and for yet.

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t be horrid to Chuka – his grandfather was a High Court judge.

  113. 113
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    There’s something about Chucky that leads me to think he has spent time under Vaz’ viscous tutelage.

  114. 114
    James Delingpole says:

    I think this can be filed under ‘not news’

  115. 115
    Sandra Mary Bergson says:

    Good anything that punctures his ego is fine by me

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    It sure is but I got told by a mate who collects and delivers meat from the abbatoir to the stores for a very well known supermarket that most if not all the meat is Halal that WE buy, something I’m sure you will notice if you have an Asda (oops) in a mullticult area, just watch who’s buying the same meat from the same shelves as you do.

  117. 117
    b says:

    cringe everytime i hear owen jones whining on….really feel embarassed for him because one day he will look back on his appearances and realise how stupid he looks, just always going for what policies he thinks are “nice” and will get him the most claps from the question time audience…awful

  118. 118
    Anonymous says:

    it would be racist/islamophobic to complain! and we can’t have that…

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