January 7th, 2013

Tory Jim Boasting in the Carlton Club and Lembit’s NYE
Guido’s Sunday Column Now Online

As reported in yesterday’s Daily Star Sunday:

JIM Davidson was praised by Iain Duncan Smith as “a true Conservative supporter” back in 2001, after the comedian bankrolled his victorious Tory leadership campaign. Davidson returned the favour, calling IDS a “very, very caring man” and helped raise cash for the party. Jim is still a member of the posh Carlton Club on London’s St James’s Street that’s favoured by Tory grandees. Guido’s mole reports that recently Davidson was noisily speculating in the club bar about who might be next on the Jimmy Savile cops’ list. The funny man isn’t laughing now he has been nicked flying into Heathrow on his way to the Celebrity Big Brother house.

Guido’s other favourite story from this week had to be Lembit’s New Year’s Eve:

HAPPY New Year to Lembit Opik, who welcomed in 2013 from the cloakroom of the Driver nightclub in London’s Kings Cross. New Year’s Eve revellers were shocked to discover the former Liberal Democrat MP dressed in black tie, checking IDs, tickets and taking coats. He told one partygoer that he wasn’t promoting the “secret agent-themed” party, just helping out as he was “at a loose end”. “It was all incredibly bizarre, as were his dance moves,” one told Guido.

Half a million people read it in print yesterday, and you can now read the blog’s Sunday column online here.


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    That Opik story was gold :)

  2. 2
    Care in the Community says:

    You still here?

  3. 3
    Mr R Harris says:

    Broadcaster Stuart Hall pleads not guilty http://itv.co/XdPWAF

  4. 4
    Rebel with a cause says:

    I put honey on my porridge this morning. Can I expect to be water boarded by the plod sometime soon?

  5. 5
    Lord Effingham says:

    And your point about Davidson is?

    He hasn’t been found guilty of anything yet.

  6. 6

    A man with many enemies on the influential Left who has not yet been charged or tried in a court of law. Counter argument being that he’s not important enough in the scheme of things to bother fitting up. Why not see how this develops, eh.

  7. 7
    Fried Mars bars and salty oats says:

    As the Scotch add copious quantities of salt to their porridge can Andy Burnham confirm that he intends to incarcerate the whole Jock nation in Barlinnie ?

  8. 8
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    Jim plays it as he sees, while Lempit looks at the stars – he is right big bang theory, with a hell of a long cock, I have heard. Put Patrick Moore, god rest him, to shame with his little twinkle.

  9. 9
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    hate it when that happens, fucking CBS yank fascists. The ginger one from Manch then,

  10. 10
    Protecting their own says:

    That the BBC gave full publicity to Davidson’s arrest and no publicity to Harris’s arrest tells you all you need to know about the BBC.

  11. 11
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    I am still waiting, for the knock on my door, for doing lawful things, and telling the truth.

    But I reckon it won’t be long now, before I get pulled up, as those SE Tories do, when they get like this.

  12. 12
    Sad says:

    That’s actually quite tragic. I thought MPs who lose their seats get an automatic payoff of a year’s salary. Did Lembit blow the lot wining and dining a cheeky girl replacement?

  13. 13
    The anti-English Liebour Parteh says:

    No. When the Scotchists do it, it’s because it’s “in their culture”.

    It’s only ‘wrong’ when the English do it (as with anything), because you’re all scum.

  14. 14
    STEWART HALL says:

    I might be guilty of stealing the sausages , but not hiding them

  15. 15
    Nick Nicked says:

    Ha ha, now even Geedo is drawing attention to the fact Jim’s a staunch Tory. Rather ironic given the umbrage many of you took last week when I mentioned it, accusing me of using smear tactics.

  16. 16
    Maqboul says:

    @”Care in the Community”

    Clearly. You fick or summat?

  17. 17
    Butch Dave says:

    How I intend to hit the British Electorate’s ‘G’-spot in 2013 – fuck knows, as I’m a bender, and in to little boys’ botties, like my hero Blair – but here goes:

    Gay Marriage
    Global Warming
    Gagging for War in Syria, Iran, Lebanon, pretty much anywhere Israel tells me.

    that should do it!

  18. 18
    Ex-Tory says:

    Guido, is that all you have? More celebrity tittle-tattle. Zzzzz. 1m mostly, hard-working, financially struggling families are being hit for up to £3k today. The average family is losing more than £2k before tax. People are f***ing angry.

  19. 19
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    Song for David Cameron, with love, and a sort of peace pipe smoked,

    Might be over his head, but who cares.

  20. 20
    Quite says:

    He hasn’t even been accused of having had sex with kids, or girls. The allegations concern two women who were in the 20s at the time the accusations occurred, 20+ years ago.

  21. 21
    His Lardship John Prescott says:

    I coat my p*e*a*s with honey,
    I’ve done it all me life;
    It makes the p*e*a*s taste funny,
    But it keeps them on the knife!

  22. 22
    Col. Nut says:

    Mick Fucknall, the sexually incontinent garden goblin.

  23. 23
    Hugh Janus says:

    Two fascinating stories Guido, and two further reasons not to buy this rag!

  24. 24
    dick dastardardly mp says:

    Hope Lembit has his Bouncers Licence from the Security Industry Authority or they may be around to nick him

  25. 25
    One-term Dave, dragging the Tories to their grave, says:

    I know the taxes are hitting you all hard. But what’s really important is I collect your money (under threat of putting you in prison) and throw it all down the toilet marked ‘foreign aid’.

    British foreign aid – where would India’s space programme be without it, what what?

    Toodle pip!

  26. 26
    Col. Nut says:

    Operation Yewtree might be looking at Stephen Hawking.

  27. 27
    Oona King says:

    I’m on Dancing with Ice! Now that Pamela Anderson’s been voted off, there’s at least one huge tit left on the show.

  28. 28
    Gary Glitter says:

    Wanna be in my gang?

  29. 29
    Another two reasons says:

    1. Andrex is much cheaper.

    2. Andrex doesn’t leave newsprint on one’s arse.

  30. 30
    Tits and Tats says:

    I think you may be reading the wrong Blog Ex Tory. The first line in its job description reads “Tittle Tattle”.

    May I suggest you go loiter around the Guardian?

  31. 31
    a non says:

    I must assume Guido’s column in the Star was written by Neo, famed for making Oxfam on-line’s 2nd hand clothing look quite presentable, still anxiously hoping that he can reinvigorate the mode for brown corduroy trousers.
    Who else but clothes concious H@rry of impeccable taste, would find the need to praise Chucka’s made to measure attire?

  32. 32

    Did that last week:

    Professor Stephen Hawking
    The Dalai Lama
    The Duchess of Cambridge’s unborn baby
    Clarence (the lion that the Scotch report road potholes to)
    Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe

  33. 33
    Nick Nick says:

    So he’s been shagging grannies?

  34. 34
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Nudge Nudge Wink Wink Service says:

    Kevin Spacey to play Francis Urquhart in an American re-“tool”-ing?
    Would that be the same Kevin Spacey who accounted for injuries to himself by claiming that he was robbed of his mobile phone whilst trolling– ermm, “strolling”– around in a park in the middle of the night? Who later withdrew the police report altogether for reasons unknown (don’t ask, don’t tell)?
    Will his name come up in some ongoing investigation?
    We couldn’t possibly comment.

  35. 35
    Taxus Baccata (Yew Tree) says:

    The Taxus Baccata lives at least 2,000 years but as the trunk becomes hollow it is not possible to count the rings.

    Highly Toxic, 200–400 mg/kg body weight will kill a horse.

    Often found in grave yards.

    So why did the cops sll it operation Yew Tree?

  36. 36
    Wayne Rooney says:

    Are you saying it as if that were a BAD thing?

  37. 37
    Hugh Janus says:

    Just checked the SIA Licence Holders’ list – yup, as expected, no entry for Opik….

  38. 38
    nah... says:

    I have always thought Opik a total and utter wanker, but if he is prepared to work in a cloakroom, fair play to him this time.

  39. 39
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    A true labour fanny botherer, I was told.

  40. 40
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    Yew is a true pagan tree – hate the way they use it, for their own smallminded purposes.

  41. 41
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    go one, what they say in the end, by life’s chances.

  42. 42
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    generally known as amen. Now you know what it means, you heathens.

  43. 43
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    Prezza likes his sausage rolls,
    with some mustard.
    Don’t think he like it cold but,
    microwaved ovened.

  44. 44
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    gone quiet here – is there a new thread?

  45. 45
    Lemsip Optik says:

    Would Sir like a boiled sweet, a spray of after shave, or perhaps something for the weekend?

  46. 46
    Baroness Margaret Thatcher says:

    Yew tree if yew want, the Lady’s not for treeing.

  47. 47
    Col. Nut says:

    With Stephen Hawking they’ve got hard evidence of his work on black holes.

  48. 48
    David Cameron types always shits on North of England says:

    maggie thatcher the acorn snatcher

  49. 49
    The humble Yew says:

    Likely named YewTree as it was investigating the crimes of the dead: Yew is typically found in a cemeteries.

    Its more lethal aspects and longevity are likely slightly more subtle reasons.

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Rising Stars
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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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