December 18th, 2012

Gordon’s Alive: Worth Every Penny

It’s well over a year now since Gordon Brown has spoken in Parliament but he has manged to put in two written questions on behalf of his constituents. The enquiries to the MOD are on the identical topic to his last batch of questions – ten months ago.

Written Answers – Defence: Dalgety Bay (17 Dec 2012)
Gordon Brown: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what recent
assessment he has made of reports on the incidence of cancer in the
Dalgety Bay area.

So Brown’s total of contribution this year has extended to nine written questions, which on his MPs salary puts that at about £7,300 a pop. And that’s before you factor in the expenses he still has the cheek to claim…


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    There is actually that much for a Scottish MP to do… It’s all done by the MSPs!


    • 3
      Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

      Oh jeezuz, what the story morning glory this morn, Guido? Yes The Gord is alive and well – be scared torys, be very scared, especially that child Georgie – Gord is approaching the warpath.


    • 8
      Let's Dance says:



      • 11
        Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

        Think they were called the gay gordons, on their cavelry orsies, the chinless tories. Gordon on a horse? Never in a month of sundays pal! Wildlife scares him.


    • 13
      Spartacus says:

      Worth every penny


    • 16
      Taxfodder says:

      Nothing interesting here move on…move on, or you are nicked!


    • 17
      Put the Queen in charge. says:

      Why is the taxpayer picking up Comet’s closing down costs?

      Which Twat politician made the taxpayer liable?

      And why is the leader of the Doctors’ union Mark Porter all over the telly trying to explain that his members should not work weekends?


      • 32
        ex medic says:

        Mark Porter realises we are even more incompetent working with a sand wedge in our hands as well as the token scalpel.


      • 33
        Can't use me old moniker says:

        Because the unions are f’king evil.
        Unison finished off the porters at a well known London Uni, they thought they were untochable and kept asking for more to do less. Eventually they were nearly all got rid of and imi grant ‘security staff’ were contracted in. Now no one is better off.


        • 109
          Anonymous says:

          That seems to be the first thing they buy with their social security when they arrive here.Yes, some are. Ripped jeansd and mobile phone manufacturers.


      • 60
        The Bonfire of the Vanities says:

        Why didn’t Comet just pay the redundancy with ‘Electricals’ goods? The temp staff have been helping themselves to them for months it was an open secret in Newark Notts, nicking to order etc.. One new ‘eletricals’ market in Newark is also the ready access to Tazers. They have been sold in 100s in the last few months and only when the local Plod was on the receiving end did they do anything about it. They should also worry about the gear that has come back from Iraq via the local ‘security’ teams. Not sure that a stab vest is any good against an RPG? Still so far the warring tribes of East Europe are pointing them at each other and the occasional Gypsy


      • 84
        Some government desk-jockey says:

        We bought a cardboard box from Comet and when we opened it we found most of the parts were missing. Cost you a fortune!


      • 100
        Pundit too too says:

        We also paid a lot for M & S closure. Goes back to our laws and inland revenue and FSA incompetence.


        • 102
          Pundit too too says:

          Sorry I meant to say Woolworth’s.
          Perhaps a freudian slip as the Dutch gnome in charge of M&S is not doing too well either.


    • 35
      ancientpopeye says:

      Yes but it is us paying this dour clown.
      Is there really no way to get rid of him?


    • 45
      Tom Catesby says:

      ‘Not much for Scots MPs to do’….. Roll on ‘independence’, we’ll save a fortune on the expenses of the likes of Brown.Now that it has been reported that the population North of the border has increased, this will be good news for our Scottish neighbours, as they will be able on paper at least, to spread the tax load to keep paying the likes of Broon, Salmon and the other tartan bumping weights. We’ll have enough to do supporting our troughers and crooks currently sitting in the ‘house of fun’ and of course there will be the continuing burden of carrying the increasing burden of our imported growing population.


    • 99
      Gordon Brown says:

      wees his pants


  2. 2
    Pollytwaddle says:

    Gordon’s my hero. He can have whatever he wants.

    Especially if he comes to Tuscany.


    • 6
      Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

      He can come to my alp La Tene retreat if he wants – very very exclusive it is – the well hidden true celt blonde green eyed retreat it is,



      • 21
        JabbaTheCat says:


        • 38
          Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

          Cheers Jabba, good excellent stuff – may I reply with this? I will anyway,

          Any good. From Swietzerland, near the french border. Gerard! – why Belgium, when the Sviess with even cheaper taxes, in the other direction?


          • Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

            And may I say it Gerard, you big nose, cheaper taxes since always in Sveiss numbnutlund! You unpatriotic snail chewing leg frog dismembering fucking drama acting male french queen. Keep stamping your feet.


          • The bored of trade says:

            Do fuck off New TAT. You’re even more of a bile filled, shoulder chipped loser than the old TAT.

            So if you could just offski fuckski and take your unwatched you tubes with you as you go.
            There’s a good fellow.


          • Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

            YES you, whatever your hidden message is. I can sniff a tory faggot out miles away, and Bonzo my goggie ten times further – DOWN BOYO, I’m talking to peeps far away, that is why I said tory – Bonzo BONZO, there’s no torys near, you stoopid mutt!


          • Watcher says:

            Bored WITH trade, bored BY trade, but never bored ‘OF’ trade. Unless you are a leftie member of the OED consortium seeking to downgrade English into a world wide PidginEnglish.


        • 82
          Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

          Good grief – another new world order hoping tory, that doesn’t like talent and present day motivation giving to our people in the great Uk of bling.

          People like you make me want to throw! Fuck off back to your paid nursery, huntbreath!

          Some people.


      • 104
        Pundit too too says:

        Its all dubbed


  3. 4
    Anonymous says:

    Independence for Scotland.


  4. 5
    Philip McArthur says:

    If only he had kept away between 1997 and 2010.


    • 10
      XXxx says:

      You might have had Eddy Balls for chancellor fpr half that time


      • 23
        Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

        Like the way people get confused between darling and balls, the tories mostly. Must be something in their upbringing, or their education…


        • 56
          Watcher says:

          Sadly the clip starts with Rowntree, played by the late Robert Swann, an excellent actor who died far too early at 61 in 2006.


          • Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

            Watcher – Colm died the other day, the last surviving child of the great human observer, Dylan Thomas.

            Colm, 1954,

            Sorry youngs, but us miserables of the older age do tend to discuss who have shoved off their mortal coil. Please excuse us, youngs, and then you WILL do it older, let me tell you that for nothing.


    • 98
      Jack Ketch says:

      Who is paying for Comrade Brown’s psychiatric care?


  5. 7
    Gordon Brown says:

    The Arctic Monkeys have my power of attorney


  6. 9
    Ed Miliband (Prime Minister designate) says:

    What a star-studded line up !!


    Speakers include Owen Jones, Tariq Ali, Tony Benn, Phyllis Bennis, Saieb Khalil,Jemima Khan, Seumas Milne, Mitra Qayoom, Sami Ramadani, Jolyon Rubinstein & Guido Fawkes


  7. 12
    David Cameron says:

    An open question to Guido Fawkes

    We gotta check… are you human?


  8. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Why does he want the Secretary of State for Defence to assess the reports in his constit tuency? Can’t he read?


  9. 15
    XXxx says:

    Speaker for what, pray do tell, you’re right there though, a right mottley collection, are they going to have a pillow fight or something


  10. 19
    Imbecile Brown says:

    Today nurse tells me I can go “pop”

    Like the British economy after my light touches…


  11. 22
    Can't use me old moniker says:

    I see the boring wally has a new art (less) name.


  12. 24
    The Sleeper says:

    FFS Fawkes…Brown’s been history for 2.5 years now.

    He completely fucked the Country during 13 years of Labour power, and his legacy will haunt us for Gawd knows how long into the future.

    He does not deserve to have a single morsel of attention….unless he’s charged with Treason.


    • 34
      ed martin says:

      ….please remember that B&B (brown & blair) gave the electorate what it wanted

      just to blank them out is to ignore the complicity of everyone else


    • 46
      Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

      One could say the same for the Rt.Hon and Noble Lady.


    • 101
      Rupert my Hero says:

      You say he screwed the country but remember he did little or nothing without Blair’s permission. There is where history should see the disaster that was New Labour. Peace in Northern Ireland by caving in to Republican Demands was not diplomacy but abject surrender, any fool could have done that.


  13. 26
    sproggingforbenefits says:

    Blair to the Hauge and Gordon to the stocks for ruining OUR economy


  14. 27
    Gordon Brown says:

    Nurse nurse they are writing about me again interweb

    Bring me some dark glass and fresh figs as I am going to brown out the day centre.


  15. 28
    sir boffton toffton mp - what? says:

    well – snakes alive!


  16. 29
    Guido Fawkes says:

    I will be supporting Amendment 32 today


  17. 36
    QI Christmas book says:

    Payments to Gordon are just Danegeld.
    It’s cheaper to pay him to stay away than to let him run riot raping and pillaging the nation again.


  18. 37
    Fishy says:

    So it seems that Mitchel might have been fitted up.

    So the pieces of the jigsaw we now have are;

    A suspended copper
    A leak of an official log to the media
    A copper (might be the leaker) who says (s)he was there and heard what went on, but it now emerges that they weren’t actually on duty
    A PCC inquiry
    A police federation who hate the Tories and who object to the arrest of one of their own
    A new allegation that the copper approached his local MP with details of the story
    Mitchell’s enemies in Parliament
    Mitchell’s enemies in the press

    Put the pieces togther


  19. 40
    Dave "Butch" Cameron says:

    Every morning the first thing I do is check Guido’s blog site “Order Order” ♥ it :

    Sad aren’t I ??


  20. 43
    ah! monika's moniker is a gonner says:

    If they give Wiggins a Knighthood, the cops from Op. Yewtree will be at his door by 6.45 next morning.


  21. 44
    dick dastardardly mp says:

    Why don’t we make them all swipe in / out and just publish the data on a website so we can see how often they attend Parliament and how many hours they spend in the chamber


  22. 50
    Helpful says:

    A man in Evesham has just had his Tax Return rejected by HMRC because he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the question ‘Do you have anyone dependant on you?’ the man wrote:-

    “2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 90,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, plus 649 self serving lying ponces in our Parliament and the entire European Commission”.

    The HMRC stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

    The man’s response back to HMRC was “Who did I miss out?


    • 58
      Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

      He obviously never went to a public school, and does not have a certain tie, and is hopeless in golf – that is why he is being picked on, as many these days.


    • 106
      Pundit too too says:

      He forgot our venal members in Westminster for a start.


  23. 51
    Gordon Brown Immigrant Trafficker says:

    I changed this country forever and you should be grateful. I would also like to thank a few visionary politicians, like Mike Handycock, who helped me to do it, and got very rich at the same time. That is how it should be and that is what I am doing now.


  24. 54
    Guns guns guns says:

    Funny how wingnuts are pro-life when it comes to abortion, but given the choice between the lives of children and the ability to buy military grade assault rifles, will go for the guns every time.


  25. 55
    Owen Jones says:

    I was having a wank whilst shoving a banana up my arse this morning……
    The lady on the bus who was eating the banana at the time wasn’t too impressed.


    • 59
      Stephen Milligan MP says:

      Should have used a satsuma whilst in stockings and choking yourself.


    • 62
      Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

      Owen Jones! BEHAVE! I have told you about this before. Don’t try win people over with subliminal porn, even what is going on, kiddie. It never wins, in the long run.

      Pardon Vicar?


  26. 61
    Albert Hall says:

    Shame your header didn’t say “Gordon’s dead”. Now that would be worth every penny.


  27. 65
    The Tosser in No 10 – now with even extra added Limpid Dimness! says:

    The Guy Marriage thingy is conveniently diverting attention away from all the things, (which if I were a True Blue Conservative PM) I would see as my first duty to undertake! – for instance –

    1. Protecting UK fish stocks from predatory EUSSR over-fishing

    2. Fire-bombing QUANGOs

    3. Restoring sound money

    4. Bringing Bliar and McBonkers to justice

    5. Restoring and reinvigorating a true Conservative Party with true blue conservative values.

    However, as I am nothing but a spineless EUSSR apparatchik, – no chance baby! – as they say! Toodlepip!!


    • 78
      Anonymous says:

      Fire-bombing Quangos – You must be kidding. Putting a steel wall around them so that they can continue their profligate and secure monopoly without any responsibility or oversight. Power without controls (now admitted as a deliberate act by this government) to create an independent state within a state. The ultimate antithesis to any free market concept.


    • 89
      Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

      You forgot immigration Dave.


  28. 67
    Getting righties all worked up is so much fun says:


  29. 69
    They'll probably put the gift on expenses says:

    The Queen has arrived in Downing Street for the first cabinet meeting of her 60 year reign. No 10 has said ministers will present her with a gift to commemorate her Diamond Jubilee year. She is expected to sit between the PM and the foreign secretary for part of the regular meeting of top ministers. It is believed to be the first time a monarch has attended peace-time cabinet since George III in 1781. George I ceased to chair cabinet in 1717.


  30. 70
    How are the Worldspreads prosecutions getting along says:

    I do not think dwelling on yesterdays’s man who has no ideas for tomorrow will help 3 million people find well paid and rewarding jobs in the six months to come.


    • 73
      Long John Silver's parrot says:

      I hope Brown is one of the ten percent of Mps Dave has promised to make redundant in 2015.


  31. 80
    Fuck CND says:

    We have every right to dump radioactive material on any beach we choose, so fuck you.


  32. 81
    H.R.H. Brenda Regina says:

    Mr. Cameron,

    I expect you as my Prime Minister, together with this assortment of incompetents that you have selected as your Cabinet, to action these points:

    1. Drop the Same Sex Marriage proposals forthwith.
    2. Eliminate the deficit by 2015, as you promised.
    3. Instruct the Bank of England never to undertake any more Quantitative easing.
    4. Stop posing personally on television at every possible “caring” opportunity.

    There are many other measures that are important, but one feels that you are incapable of dealing with more than these four initially.

    I shall monitor your performance over the next three months. If you fail in any respect, then I shall call upon Mr. Francis Urquhart to form a new government.


    • 94
      Put a spook in it says:

      6. Get Abu Qatada on a plane to Jordan by Friday
      7. Close that bloody door – there’s enough of my darker-hued subjects here already
      8. Get of Charlie’s back over his tax arrangements
      9. Restore my beloved yacht.
      10. I shall expect a full progress report by noon on 1 January 2013

      You may go


      • 95
        Put a spook in it says:

        No 5 is so top secret it is unmentionable in polite company!


        • 108
          Fish 'n' Chips says:

          6. Pay attention to the shocking decline of Fish stocks in our sovereign waters and use whatever means necessary to ensure their prompt recovery.


  33. 91
    Sir William W says:

    Under new EU regulations, all employers will be required to give staff up to three years’ fully-paid Incompetence Leave. Mr Brown is assisting us with the pilot scheme.


  34. 105
    Edinburgh can go and fuck itself says:



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