December 18th, 2012

Gordon’s Alive: Worth Every Penny

It’s well over a year now since Gordon Brown has spoken in Parliament but he has manged to put in two written questions on behalf of his constituents. The enquiries to the MOD are on the identical topic to his last batch of questions – ten months ago.

Written Answers – Defence: Dalgety Bay (17 Dec 2012)
Gordon Brown: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what recent
assessment he has made of reports on the incidence of cancer in the
Dalgety Bay area.

So Brown’s total of contribution this year has extended to nine written questions, which on his MPs salary puts that at about £7,300 a pop. And that’s before you factor in the expenses he still has the cheek to claim…


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    There is actually that much for a Scottish MP to do… It’s all done by the MSPs!

  2. 2
    Pollytwaddle says:

    Gordon’s my hero. He can have whatever he wants.

    Especially if he comes to Tuscany.

  3. 3
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Oh jeezuz, what the story morning glory this morn, Guido? Yes The Gord is alive and well – be scared torys, be very scared, especially that child Georgie – Gord is approaching the warpath.

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    Independence for Scotland.

  5. 5
    Philip McArthur says:

    If only he had kept away between 1997 and 2010.

  6. 6
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    He can come to my alp La Tene retreat if he wants – very very exclusive it is – the well hidden true celt blonde green eyed retreat it is,


  7. 7
    Gordon Brown says:

    The Arctic Monkeys have my power of attorney

  8. 8
    Let's Dance says:


  9. 9
    Ed Miliband (Prime Minister designate) says:

    What a star-studded line up !!


    Speakers include Owen Jones, Tariq Ali, Tony Benn, Phyllis Bennis, Saieb Khalil,Jemima Khan, Seumas Milne, Mitra Qayoom, Sami Ramadani, Jolyon Rubinstein & Guido Fawkes

  10. 10
    XXxx says:

    You might have had Eddy Balls for chancellor fpr half that time

  11. 11
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Think they were called the gay gordons, on their cavelry orsies, the chinless tories. Gordon on a horse? Never in a month of sundays pal! Wildlife scares him.

  12. 12
    David Cameron says:

    An open question to Guido Fawkes

    We gotta check… are you human?

  13. 13
    Spartacus says:

    Worth every penny

  14. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Why does he want the Secretary of State for Defence to assess the reports in his constit tuency? Can’t he read?

  15. 15
    XXxx says:

    Speaker for what, pray do tell, you’re right there though, a right mottley collection, are they going to have a pillow fight or something

  16. 16
    Taxfodder says:

    Nothing interesting here move on…move on, or you are nicked!

  17. 17
    Put the Queen in charge. says:

    Why is the taxpayer picking up Comet’s closing down costs?

    Which Twat politician made the taxpayer liable?

    And why is the leader of the Doctors’ union Mark Porter all over the telly trying to explain that his members should not work weekends?

  18. 18
    XXxx says:

    reply to No 9

  19. 19
    Imbecile Brown says:

    Today nurse tells me I can go “pop”

    Like the British economy after my light touches…

  20. 20
    Wrapping paper says:

    He doesn’t believe in the NHS

  21. 21
    JabbaTheCat says:

  22. 22
    Can't use me old moniker says:

    I see the boring wally has a new art (less) name.

  23. 23
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Like the way people get confused between darling and balls, the tories mostly. Must be something in their upbringing, or their education…

  24. 24
    The Sleeper says:

    FFS Fawkes…Brown’s been history for 2.5 years now.

    He completely fucked the Country during 13 years of Labour power, and his legacy will haunt us for Gawd knows how long into the future.

    He does not deserve to have a single morsel of attention….unless he’s charged with Treason.

  25. 25
    XXxx says:

    He is the alter ego of another bloke, I can not quite remember his name

  26. 26
    sproggingforbenefits says:

    Blair to the Hauge and Gordon to the stocks for ruining OUR economy

  27. 27
    Gordon Brown says:

    Nurse nurse they are writing about me again interweb

    Bring me some dark glass and fresh figs as I am going to brown out the day centre.

  28. 28
    sir boffton toffton mp - what? says:

    well – snakes alive!

  29. 29
    Guido Fawkes says:

    I will be supporting Amendment 32 today

  30. 30
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Incandescence for Gordon.

  31. 31
    anonymouse says:

    Shame he didn’t ask about the incidence of addled brain in Kirkaldy.

  32. 32
    ex medic says:

    Mark Porter realises we are even more incompetent working with a sand wedge in our hands as well as the token scalpel.

  33. 33
    Can't use me old moniker says:

    Because the unions are f’king evil.
    Unison finished off the porters at a well known London Uni, they thought they were untochable and kept asking for more to do less. Eventually they were nearly all got rid of and imi grant ‘security staff’ were contracted in. Now no one is better off.

  34. 34
    ed martin says:

    ….please remember that B&B (brown & blair) gave the electorate what it wanted

    just to blank them out is to ignore the complicity of everyone else

  35. 35
    ancientpopeye says:

    Yes but it is us paying this dour clown.
    Is there really no way to get rid of him?

  36. 36
    QI Christmas book says:

    Payments to Gordon are just Danegeld.
    It’s cheaper to pay him to stay away than to let him run riot raping and pillaging the nation again.

  37. 37
    Fishy says:

    So it seems that Mitchel might have been fitted up.

    So the pieces of the jigsaw we now have are;

    A suspended copper
    A leak of an official log to the media
    A copper (might be the leaker) who says (s)he was there and heard what went on, but it now emerges that they weren’t actually on duty
    A PCC inquiry
    A police federation who hate the Tories and who object to the arrest of one of their own
    A new allegation that the copper approached his local MP with details of the story
    Mitchell’s enemies in Parliament
    Mitchell’s enemies in the press

    Put the pieces togther

  38. 38
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Cheers Jabba, good excellent stuff – may I reply with this? I will anyway,

    Any good. From Swietzerland, near the french border. Gerard! – why Belgium, when the Sviess with even cheaper taxes, in the other direction?

  39. 39
    He who no longer posts says:

    Is the Dalgety Bay area a euphemism for inside the trousers?

  40. 40
    Dave "Butch" Cameron says:

    Every morning the first thing I do is check Guido’s blog site “Order Order” ♥ it :

    Sad aren’t I ??

  41. 41
    the poor bloody taxpayer says:

    i demand a judge led public holiday

  42. 42
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    And may I say it Gerard, you big nose, cheaper taxes since always in Sveiss numbnutlund! You unpatriotic snail chewing leg frog dismembering fucking drama acting male french queen. Keep stamping your feet.

  43. 43
    ah! monika's moniker is a gonner says:

    If they give Wiggins a Knighthood, the cops from Op. Yewtree will be at his door by 6.45 next morning.

  44. 44
    dick dastardardly mp says:

    Why don’t we make them all swipe in / out and just publish the data on a website so we can see how often they attend Parliament and how many hours they spend in the chamber

  45. 45
    Tom Catesby says:

    ‘Not much for Scots MPs to do’….. Roll on ‘independence’, we’ll save a fortune on the expenses of the likes of Brown.Now that it has been reported that the population North of the border has increased, this will be good news for our Scottish neighbours, as they will be able on paper at least, to spread the tax load to keep paying the likes of Broon, Salmon and the other tartan bumping weights. We’ll have enough to do supporting our troughers and crooks currently sitting in the ‘house of fun’ and of course there will be the continuing burden of carrying the increasing burden of our imported growing population.

  46. 46
    Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

    One could say the same for the Rt.Hon and Noble Lady.

  47. 47
    Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

    Do Mr Blair and Mr Hague like each other?

  48. 48
    Tom Catesby says:

    Apologies for repeat on last line, but I think you’ll get the point.

  49. 49
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Oasis, from Manch, via Glastie, ’95,

  50. 50
    Helpful says:

    A man in Evesham has just had his Tax Return rejected by HMRC because he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the question ‘Do you have anyone dependant on you?’ the man wrote:-

    “2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 90,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, plus 649 self serving lying ponces in our Parliament and the entire European Commission”.

    The HMRC stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

    The man’s response back to HMRC was “Who did I miss out?

  51. 51
    Gordon Brown Immigrant Trafficker says:

    I changed this country forever and you should be grateful. I would also like to thank a few visionary politicians, like Mike Handycock, who helped me to do it, and got very rich at the same time. That is how it should be and that is what I am doing now.

  52. 52
    Fluffy Thoughts says:

    Have you been introduced to the concept of a plural? Or has Scots in-breeding and edukashumick made them superfluous…?

    Torys: Tsk, tsk, tsk….

  53. 53
    The voice of reason says:

    I do not use this word very often but………Gordon Brown is a C_nt

  54. 54
    Guns guns guns says:

    Funny how wingnuts are pro-life when it comes to abortion, but given the choice between the lives of children and the ability to buy military grade assault rifles, will go for the guns every time.

  55. 55
    Owen Jones says:

    I was having a wank whilst shoving a banana up my arse this morning……
    The lady on the bus who was eating the banana at the time wasn’t too impressed.

  56. 56
    Watcher says:

    Sadly the clip starts with Rowntree, played by the late Robert Swann, an excellent actor who died far too early at 61 in 2006.

  57. 57
    Tom Catesby says:

    I suppose as a former whip I suppose Mitchell will probaly know what a ‘fit up’ feels like.

  58. 58
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    He obviously never went to a public school, and does not have a certain tie, and is hopeless in golf – that is why he is being picked on, as many these days.

  59. 59
    Stephen Milligan MP says:

    Should have used a satsuma whilst in stockings and choking yourself.

  60. 60
    The Bonfire of the Vanities says:

    Why didn’t Comet just pay the redundancy with ‘Electricals’ goods? The temp staff have been helping themselves to them for months it was an open secret in Newark Notts, nicking to order etc.. One new ‘eletricals’ market in Newark is also the ready access to Tazers. They have been sold in 100s in the last few months and only when the local Plod was on the receiving end did they do anything about it. They should also worry about the gear that has come back from Iraq via the local ‘security’ teams. Not sure that a stab vest is any good against an RPG? Still so far the warring tribes of East Europe are pointing them at each other and the occasional Gypsy

  61. 61
    Albert Hall says:

    Shame your header didn’t say “Gordon’s dead”. Now that would be worth every penny.

  62. 62
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Owen Jones! BEHAVE! I have told you about this before. Don’t try win people over with subliminal porn, even what is going on, kiddie. It never wins, in the long run.

    Pardon Vicar?

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:

    Is this something fishy?

  64. 64
    the poor bloody taxpayer says:


  65. 65
    The Tosser in No 10 – now with even extra added Limpid Dimness! says:

    The Guy Marriage thingy is conveniently diverting attention away from all the things, (which if I were a True Blue Conservative PM) I would see as my first duty to undertake! – for instance –

    1. Protecting UK fish stocks from predatory EUSSR over-fishing

    2. Fire-bombing QUANGOs

    3. Restoring sound money

    4. Bringing Bliar and McBonkers to justice

    5. Restoring and reinvigorating a true Conservative Party with true blue conservative values.

    However, as I am nothing but a spineless EUSSR apparatchik, – no chance baby! – as they say! Toodlepip!!

  66. 66
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    yanks, ground army, shitting their panties,

  67. 67
    Getting righties all worked up is so much fun says:

  68. 68
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    RAF, by the way, both.

  69. 69
    They'll probably put the gift on expenses says:

    The Queen has arrived in Downing Street for the first cabinet meeting of her 60 year reign. No 10 has said ministers will present her with a gift to commemorate her Diamond Jubilee year. She is expected to sit between the PM and the foreign secretary for part of the regular meeting of top ministers. It is believed to be the first time a monarch has attended peace-time cabinet since George III in 1781. George I ceased to chair cabinet in 1717.

  70. 70
    How are the Worldspreads prosecutions getting along says:

    I do not think dwelling on yesterdays’s man who has no ideas for tomorrow will help 3 million people find well paid and rewarding jobs in the six months to come.

  71. 71
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    It is about time too that she turns up.

  72. 72
    Barack Obama says:

    I will NOT be supporting Amendment 2 any time soon, if ever.

  73. 73
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    I hope Brown is one of the ten percent of Mps Dave has promised to make redundant in 2015.

  74. 74
    The bored of trade says:

    Do fuck off New TAT. You’re even more of a bile filled, shoulder chipped loser than the old TAT.

    So if you could just offski fuckski and take your unwatched you tubes with you as you go.
    There’s a good fellow.

  75. 75
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Watcher – Colm died the other day, the last surviving child of the great human observer, Dylan Thomas.

    Colm, 1954,

    Sorry youngs, but us miserables of the older age do tend to discuss who have shoved off their mortal coil. Please excuse us, youngs, and then you WILL do it older, let me tell you that for nothing.

  76. 76
    i demand to be told says:

    who is the MP?

  77. 77
    Bill Quango MP says:

    This year the queen has attended parliament more times than Gordon.

  78. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Fire-bombing Quangos – You must be kidding. Putting a steel wall around them so that they can continue their profligate and secure monopoly without any responsibility or oversight. Power without controls (now admitted as a deliberate act by this government) to create an independent state within a state. The ultimate antithesis to any free market concept.

  79. 79
    Gawd Help US says:

    It would be better value if the money was used to keep him at one of HMPs.

  80. 80
    Fuck CND says:

    We have every right to dump radioactive material on any beach we choose, so fuck you.

  81. 81
    H.R.H. Brenda Regina says:

    Mr. Cameron,

    I expect you as my Prime Minister, together with this assortment of incompetents that you have selected as your Cabinet, to action these points:

    1. Drop the Same Sex Marriage proposals forthwith.
    2. Eliminate the deficit by 2015, as you promised.
    3. Instruct the Bank of England never to undertake any more Quantitative easing.
    4. Stop posing personally on television at every possible “caring” opportunity.

    There are many other measures that are important, but one feels that you are incapable of dealing with more than these four initially.

    I shall monitor your performance over the next three months. If you fail in any respect, then I shall call upon Mr. Francis Urquhart to form a new government.

  82. 82
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    Good grief – another new world order hoping tory, that doesn’t like talent and present day motivation giving to our people in the great Uk of bling.

    People like you make me want to throw! Fuck off back to your paid nursery, huntbreath!

    Some people.

  83. 83
    Gordon Brown says:


  84. 84
    Some government desk-jockey says:

    We bought a cardboard box from Comet and when we opened it we found most of the parts were missing. Cost you a fortune!

  85. 85
    Brenda says:

    My People,

    Pleas see my Comment No. 81 below

  86. 86
    Fenric says:

    Ask the lazy cyclops to do some work?

  87. 87
    Slimy says:

    I want to dump it in your garden. Deal?

  88. 88
    Larry Bottler and his Deathly Shallows says:

    YES you, whatever your hidden message is. I can sniff a tory faggot out miles away, and Bonzo my goggie ten times further – DOWN BOYO, I’m talking to peeps far away, that is why I said tory – Bonzo BONZO, there’s no torys near, you stoopid mutt!

  89. 89
    Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

    You forgot immigration Dave.

  90. 90
    King Charles III says:

    How can they say I oughtn’t attend Cabinet Meetings? Mama did so, back in 2012, and I am no less the monarch than was she. Anyway, those idiots need a crotchety old git to ride herd on them, and I’m just the lad who can do it!

  91. 91
    Sir William W says:

    Under new EU regulations, all employers will be required to give staff up to three years’ fully-paid Incompetence Leave. Mr Brown is assisting us with the pilot scheme.

  92. 92
    Watcher says:

    Bored WITH trade, bored BY trade, but never bored ‘OF’ trade. Unless you are a leftie member of the OED consortium seeking to downgrade English into a world wide PidginEnglish.

  93. 93
    bergen says:

    I’m sure that there was more to his death than the public was ever told-black ops or whatever.

  94. 94
    Put a spook in it says:

    6. Get Abu Qatada on a plane to Jordan by Friday
    7. Close that bloody door – there’s enough of my darker-hued subjects here already
    8. Get of Charlie’s back over his tax arrangements
    9. Restore my beloved yacht.
    10. I shall expect a full progress report by noon on 1 January 2013

    You may go

  95. 95
    Put a spook in it says:

    No 5 is so top secret it is unmentionable in polite company!

  96. 96
    Albert Hall says:

    That’s all very well but they are useful, Brown is not.

  97. 97
    Expense trousering Westminster and BBC says:

    We are all in this together.

  98. 98
    Jack Ketch says:

    Who is paying for Comrade Brown’s psychiatric care?

  99. 99
    Gordon Brown says:

    wees his pants

  100. 100
    Pundit too too says:

    We also paid a lot for M & S closure. Goes back to our laws and inland revenue and FSA incompetence.

  101. 101
    Rupert my Hero says:

    You say he screwed the country but remember he did little or nothing without Blair’s permission. There is where history should see the disaster that was New Labour. Peace in Northern Ireland by caving in to Republican Demands was not diplomacy but abject surrender, any fool could have done that.

  102. 102
    Pundit too too says:

    Sorry I meant to say Woolworth’s.
    Perhaps a freudian slip as the Dutch gnome in charge of M&S is not doing too well either.

  103. 103
    Pundit too too says:

    Can’t wait for the Scottish Mafia in Westminster to leave.

  104. 104
    Pundit too too says:

    Its all dubbed

  105. 105
    Edinburgh can go and fuck itself says:


  106. 106
    Pundit too too says:

    He forgot our venal members in Westminster for a start.

  107. 107
    Pundit too too says:

    Are they going to give her a silk purse with some coins in?
    Thought not.

  108. 108
    Fish 'n' Chips says:

    6. Pay attention to the shocking decline of Fish stocks in our sovereign waters and use whatever means necessary to ensure their prompt recovery.

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    That seems to be the first thing they buy with their social security when they arrive here.Yes, some are. Ripped jeansd and mobile phone manufacturers.

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