December 15th, 2012

Saturday Seven Up


  1. 1
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Slow today, almost as slow as a Chris Tavare century.

    • 4
      He who no longer posts says:

      Giving away your age there. Mind you I remember Ted Dexter.

      • 5
        Nostalgic says:

        ah – and Mr Arlott on the wireless!

        • 6
          Middle Earth says:

          Boycott – now there was a northern git who would hang about all day

          • Aricolza Narzole says:

            Geoff always liked to remain hove to at the crease.

          • PETER MANGLEDBUM says:

            I also like to hang about the crease , usually Ronaldo’s

          • Marrakesh Mandy says:

            I like these retro comments, but Ronaldo was kicked out to fend for himself years ago.

          • Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

            Geoff Boycott and Dennis Amis verses the Ozzies – anyone remember that> Classic opening that was, ’74 itwas. or maybe ’75. Shoved on over 200 opening, while several coats of paint dried.

      • 12
        geoff borecott says:

        You are Mudassar Nazar and I claim my £5.

        • 14
          Doris Goldblatt says:

          Well I reckon that Trevor”Barnacle” Bailey was the greatest.

        • 19
          He who no longer posts says:

          I am afraid you are wildly incorrect which, unfortunately, means that you have to pay me £5.

        • 100
          Nora Virus says:

          When I was a kid, you once told me to fuck off. I got free tickets after though. Cricket, wicket, fuckit.

      • 188
        Old Timer says:

        I remember going home on the train with a school chum after the Lancashire /Yorkshire derby match which Lancashire won. My mate asked me ‘what did you think of the match?’ I replied ‘Lancashire were great and Yorkshire rubbish, apart from Fred Truman who was brilliant.’ The guy sitting opposite in the corner put his paper down and said ‘thanks lads,’ – Fred Truman, who then gave us his autograph and dissected the match with us until we got off the train. The best England fast bowler of all time!

        • 199
          Those were they days my friend says:

          Tyson and Truman – the terrible twins; like the Bedsers and Jim Laker.

    • 23
      Bing says:

      G’day Doris.

    • 33
      Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

      Everyone has been on the Xmas piss last night, sticking their tongues down the boss’s wife’s throat. and are now cringing over their weetabix, not being able to move.

    • 42
      Hank the Cat says:

      Boycott was slower

  2. 2
    Middle Earth says:

    It is now mid summer here in NZ – having fled the brown terror………… I hate to have to admit it but………….thank you Gordon! …..There is a place on earth where you can be happy.

  3. 3
    Gordon Brownstainovich McBonkers says:

    NURSE!!! ah’ve fill’t me trow’sees wi’ hi class socialist shit! And it’s all on ma finga’s too!

  4. 13
    David Cameron says:

    Opinions are like genitals,
    the more you drink,
    the more important yours seem,
    and there’s a high likelihood you’ll air them in the pub.

    • 46
      Totty says:

      Comment of the day.

      • 60
        Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

        in my bedroom, I post here with next to nothing on – and no, nothing to get excited about ladies, and Chris Bryant…

        • 94
          Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

          hard to believe Chris is only a day older than me – he looks so much younger – wonder what face cream he uses?

          shut up Chris, and all, I am only messing around, well, not messing – oh you know what I mean pal fach.

    • 78
      STROPPYCOW says:

      Who was it that said – “Opinions are like piles – sooner or later every arsehole has one”?

      • 141
        Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

        Crown jewels have never dangled from my arse, Stroppycow – it just simply doesn’t run in my family, either side. But I know some cushions with a hole in them going cheap, if you or your friends are interested. Discount for bulk?

      • 143
        Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

        Never suffered from the chalfonts myself.

  5. 16
    Margaret Moran says:

    Off to Spain for well earned rest.

  6. 20

    Munter Moran” MAY” be forced to pay stolen tax payers money back
    What happened to the “proceeds of crime act” ?
    Or does that only apply to the little people ?

    Doesn’t look very ill in this picture

    • 34
      The Mills Jowell crime syndicate says:

      Proceeds of crime act , Pah !

    • 69
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Since she hasn’t been convicted of any crime, I doubt if POCA can be used.

      She’s avoided conviction, avoided punishment, avoided a criminal record AND she gets to keep the dosh.

      Ain’t life (fifty three) grand?

      • 97
        Dynamic Dave says:

        I can’t be bothered with the Moran & Co. trivial theft issues

        I’m pursuing important policies like Gay Marriage, and increasing the National Debt

  7. 21
    Richard Timney says:

    Tonight, while Jacqui is at bingo with Patricia Hewitt, I’ll be watching Strictly Cum Dancing, Beverly Hills Cock, Eyes Wide Slut, Ram-boned, Clitty Clitty Gang Bang, Men in Black Women, In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon and Robocock.

    • 24
      P l e b says:

      Therefore you are Richard Desmond.

      • 26
        Guido says:

        Dirty Des pays me good money for my column.

      • 31
        shut that door! says:

        A couple of uptight gayers seeming to imply that pornography is a bad thing…..hmmmmm.

        • 87
          Richard Timney says:

          No, I was just having a laugh with porn titles based on real films and the fact that Jacqui Smith put her husband Richard’s pay per view porn on expenses. You clearly missed that because if anyone’s likely to be gay, it’s insecure Hunts like you who protest too much.

    • 155
      Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

      I’m in Islamabrum for the weekend. Off out tonight to a pub on Hagley Road and then a posh Asian restaurant. So, unusual for me, a taste of multi-culturism. I’m paying but with my benefits and pensions I can afford it.

      • 196
        Marion the cat says:

        The Duck Real Ale Bar is highly recommended, IF you don’t mind your shoes sticking to the floor. Mind you the Duck may have been replaced by the Garden House now in the minds of the cognoscenti. If it still exists that is, I am an old fart after all.

  8. 22
    The National Rifle Association says:

    Like everyone else, we’re horrified by the tragedy yesterday. We’re just as disgusted at the evil act of calling for limits on owning semi-automatic and automatic weapons. The only solution to this is that we arm all 5 year olds with 9mm guns.

    • 28
      Anonymous says:

      Criminals and nutters will always get hold of guns no matter what the legislation, you thick twat.

      • 38
        Gun ownership is indicative of small cock syndrome says:

        Firstly, yes criminals will always get guns but “criminals” don’t carry out these atrocities, they tend to shoot other criminals and rob banks. Secondly nutters like this only tend to get guns from people who hold them lawfully. In this case it will be interesting to see as I suspect whether he got the guns from someone. In his family. If so then there is a clear case for banning these types of automatic weapons from general ownership.

        • 47
          Anonymous says:

          No there isn’t, every adult citizen has the right to bear arms, unhindered by nannying, know it all cuпts like you.

          • Dodge City Mentality says:

            Presumably because yanks feel the need to protect their homes from the odd attack by native americans ? This is the 21st century not the wild west in the 1860′s. There is absolutely no need for any civilised country in the 21st Century to allow its citizens the right to bear arms….the 2nd Amendment needs to be changed but it won’t because the gun lobby in the states is so powerful and they’d sooner have these sort of atrocities than give up their right to bear arms. We’re not talking about properly regulated rifles etc for hunting but no ordinary citizen requires to hold a powerful hand gun or an automatic rifle etc. There is absolutely NO justification for that at all….2nd amendment or not.

          • Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

            Keep off Main Street!

          • Jimmy says:

            Let’s face it, righties like guns and hate children.

          • Anonymous says:

            The USA treats it’s citizens like adults able to take responsibility and make decisions for themselves. In Jimmy w,orld you can’t wipe your arse without the fucking government knowing about it.

          • Jimmy says:

            You’re quite right. Newtown was indeed libertarianism in action. This is where we disagree.

          • Anonymous says:

            Yeah, and what happens where Marxist tyranny gets a grip Jimmy? Millions fucking dead.

          • Jimmy says:

            You don’t think there may be a happy medium?

          • Anonymous says:


        • 115
          Smoot says:

          Di dum di dum di dum di diddly dum

        • 151

          You have more chance off platting sand than banning guns in the U S A

      • 39
        ah! monika's moniker is a gonner says:

        AND, to get people to hand in their existing arsenals you would have to enact the most punative law. Life or execution. Today’s guns would have a useable lifespan of hundreds of years and ammo likewise.

      • 119
        Blowing Whistles says:

        There are two key examples in the uk of a right to bear arms. To bear them to protect ones own property – not to go out a kill others.

        Tony Martin was ‘protecting’ his property – but tptb put him in prison ‘cos they didn’t want people getting ideas. Then more recently some bloke shot intruding burglars – Thing is in the more recent story the bloke was let off / the charges against him case against him was dropped. He appears to have been ‘more “connected” than Mr Martin’ … questions therefore arise…[uk] as to what clubs you have to belong to to get tptb to drop criminal charges against you … secret clubs anyone where evil and corruption prevails?

        • 127
          Misunderestimated Texan says:

          you wanna mispell werks wundas

        • 152

          Tony Martin was Jailed because he shot the guy in the back , meaning he was running away thus no longer a threat
          personally i think anyone should be allowed to defend their person or property against anyone who violates it / them

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            The issue of shooting reverberates around the shooting of the kid in Flori da recently – that story seems to be a cover up job as well – the bloke with the gun it appears ‘created the situation’ by stalking the kid and then used laws to get away with it.

            In the US – home owners have the right to shoot burglars / trespassers

            Confusion reigns when the Anti gunlobby come out en masse ‘mixing up the right “to protect ones castle” – with the nutters who “go out to kill”

            Most thick journos know SweetFA about actual laws.

    • 29
      Always Two Sides To An Issue (If Not More) says:

      You jest, of course, but there IS a case to be made for wider gun ownership. Certain individuals may be stopped in their tracks with return fire. (Hopefully better return fire than that exhibited by the plod in NYC at that incident outside the Empire State Building back in August, however.) This article was published pre-Portland mall/Newtown CT school:

    • 30
      ah! monika's moniker is a gonner says:

      And afterwards pile into Church to pray to the being who allows such happenings.

      • 32
        wot to do in peckham when your dead says:

        Oh do fuck off with your simplistic religion bashing, people die in all sorts of circumstances, it’s the natural order of things, get the fuck over it. Come to think of it, death might be quite nice, what the fuck do you know?

        • 43
          CBBC songs of praise says:

          Religion bashers like this tend to be under the impression the Christianity teaches that there is no evil in the world and that God cannot possibly allow such evil ergo since it does God cannot exist. Of course the opposite is true, Christianity expressly teaches that evil abounds and bad things happen. They have a very simplistic and immature understanding of things . They probably believe Christians believe in a man with a White beard sitting on a cloud.They are just another manifestation of our dummed down shallow society.

          • Imaginary sky daddy says:

            Is god willing to prevent evil but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

            Is he able but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

            Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

            Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god?

          • Synic says:

            All religions are total bollux and a source of strife and violence.

            God(s) do not and never have existed. They are fairy story characters.

          • simple minds watch says:

            Yeah OK Synic, but that IS rather a godlike comment to make. I’d give it a rethink if I were you.

          • Imaginary sky daddy says:

            I’ll state this slowly since you and your drooling gun nuts are hard of thinking. No one is arguing for a wholesale ban on guns. The argument is for a ban on the easy purchase of semi automatic and automatic guns that fire off 20-30 rounds and continuously respectively, which is how this fine upstanding fellow was able to kill 20 kids and 6 adults in a matter of minutes. A bit difficult to kill 26 people with a pen in 2 minutes. I know you’ve probably adjusted this tragedy in your mind in terms of saying to yourself “the kids were probably mostly black c-unts from low class democrat families” but maybe one of these days someone you actually give a toss about will fall victim to someone who legally bought a machine gun that just requires the user to press the trigger once to unleash a continuous stream of bullets. Praise jesus.

          • Genesis. says:

            If you really want to know the answer, which you give the impression of not wanting to but I believe you do. You do not have to go far into the Bible to find out about the fall of man and free will.

          • Anonymous says:

            CBBC songs of praise by gays

          • simple minds watch says:

            Is god willing to prevent evil but not able? Then he may know something we don’t know.

            Is he able but not willing? Then he may be granting us the best gift of all, free will.

            Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil, but to allow us to exercise free will?

            Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god, but to acknowledge the gift of free will?

          • Synic says:

            Why can’t all the religious nutters just sit in circles and mumble to each other? Why do they have to keep parading their pointless fatuous destructive beliefs in front of the rest of us? They should just fuck off and commune in private with each other.

          • Anonymous says:

            “Why do they have to keep parading their pointless fatuous destructive beliefs in front of the rest of us? They should just fuck off and commune in private with each other.”

            Yep, at heart another fucking Joe Stalin.

          • Uncle Joe says:

            God didn’t stop me killing circa 20 million Russians with my policies, or stop the Nazis. He, she, it, the concept, or whatever bullshit, doesn’t exist.

          • Imaginary sky daddy says:

            @simple minds watch

            On that basis:

            Is zantar, lord of the cosmos, willing but not able to prevent evil? Then he may have his reasons we don’t know but we can rest assured he knows.

            Is zantar able but not willing? Then he gave us free will, but allows himself the dispensation to grant miracles on occasion, which rather contradicts free will but who are we to question zantar in his infinite wisdom?

            Is he both willing and able? Then just shut up and don’t question zantar or we’ll burn you for heresy.

            Is he neither willing nor able? Then just shut up and don’t question zantar or we’ll burn you for heresy.

            Now, please prove that zantar, lord of the cosmos, does not exist. If you can’t prove he doesn’t exist, then, as your logic follows, he does exist and is currently in a cage fight with allah, hashem, shiva and all the other gods who can’t be disproved but therefore exist.

          • demigod says:

            ‘Imaginary sky daddy’ you are not using your free will, you are just a random accident of the universe hardly conscious of anything at all, therefore your views are totally irrelevant and not worth a toss. Now do one.

          • Imaginary sky daddy says:


            Says someone who believes earth is 7000 years old and dinosaur fossils are a hoax.

            If you religiotards don’t want us to laugh at you, don’t believe stupid things.

          • demigod says:

            I told you to do one. You are just a speck of protoplasm in an infinite, random, accidental universe whose existence spans an infinitesimal nano second of time, what the fuck do you really know? Fuck all is my guess.

          • Imaginary sky daddy says:


            Why? Surely you’re secure enough in your beliefs that you can tolerate someone expressing their opinion that religions are all a steaming pile of man made shit invented by desert dwelling lunatics as a way to brainwash and control rubes like you who are incapable of independent thought and easily flattered by the notion that a supernatural entity gives a fuck about your each and every move. Aren’t you religious freaks famous for your belief in free speech? Now, prove to me zantar lord of the cosmos doesn’t exist or run along to your local church and pray to your non-existent buddy who apparently created the universe and then waited a few billion years before passing down some illogical scraps of nonsense about not wanting your neighbour’s donkey to some nutters in a sandy shithole.

          • demigod says:

            @Imaginary sky daddy

            There’s lot of presumptions about what I believe in the tosh you’ve just written. Perhaps you would like to do a course in theological philosophy before you spout your simpleton, ‘people die therefore there isn’t a god’ crap

          • Ra -- the only useful god says:

            Celebrate the Winter Solstice correctly. Otherwise I might not bother to oblige with Spring.

            That pagan sect of Christian perverts keep trying to elbow their sky fairy baby into the scene. Tell them to fuck off and fight the Mozzies instead. That way there will be a few less of both kinds of freak.

          • Imaginary sky daddy says:


            Oh dear, you’ve misunderstood me. It’s not because there’s evil that I don’t believe in god, it’s because there’s no god that I don’t believe in god.

            P.S. A pity that god forgot to mention dinosaurs in his scrapbook. A bit absent minded for such an omniscient, omnipotent supernatural being who’s also strangely anthropomorphic by carrying human traits like jealousy, anger, sexual repression and absent mindedness.

        • 125
          Smoot says:

          Yes, I’m going to shock you all now ….

          are you ready, take a firm grip on your mouse…………

          We are all going to Die. The only variables are WHEN and HOW. OK you can relax now.

    • 40
      SHY ANNE says:

      Obviously the BBC is overcome by Barry’s tears but fact is guns don’t kill, people do that.

      Another fact is, it is just as easy to obtain a gun in the UK as it is the States. Hard to legislate against nutters running amock with a weapon be it a gun, car, bomb, poison, plane, knife, stone, sword, crossbow, taser, rabid dogs, petrol tanker, jcb or most anything.

      • 47
        Another oft repeated stupid argument debunked says:

        Of course it’s people who kill but when they have access to automatic weapons they kill a hell of a lot more .

        • 56
          'boo hoo my naany died, it musy be somebody's fault'. Yeah she was fucking 93. says:

          Fuck off and die, nanny.

          • Americans love their god and guns says:

            I’d like you to fuck off and die. I’m delighted that you support my right to buy a uzi 9mm so that I can massacre you and your family.

          • 'boo hoo my nanny died, it musy be somebody's fault'. Yeah she was fucking 93. says:

            If that’s your choice I’d like to see you fucking try, but I’d give you the choice, unlike you, you nazi fuck.

          • Americans love their guns and god says:

            Doubt you’d be able to stop me as all I’d have to do is say hello and press the trigger once. That’s the advantage of a semi-automatic or automatic over, say, a bic biro.

          • 'boo hoo my nanny died, it musy be somebody's fault'. Yeah she was fucking 93. says:

            Legislation is always the default position of lickspittle jobsworths and simple minded apparatchiks. Have a good day thinking up ways to shackle us all in red tape fuckwit.

      • 53
        Anonymous says:

        A Bic biro stuck in somebody’s eye or jugular would do it ffs. The anti gun brigade salivate over issues like this.

      • 75
        Be sensible...controlling guns would probably stop SOME acts like this says:

        Doesn’t stop you asking why did a Primary School Teacher need to have 2 powerful hand guns and a rifle for Gods sakes does it ? Or whether they were properly contained in a gun safe as in UK ? The fact is I agree it is the person NOT the gun but if guns are readily available via internet or over any US drug store counter merely by showing proof of residency it’s not surprising if some sick fucker does this sort of thing is it ? If you restricted access to firearms you won’t stop these nutters doing atrocities but it’ll probably not be with a gun and the death rate will probably be lower as they’ll probably use knife etc and likewise access to grenades and bombs is possible but it’s likely that the effect would be less than someone spraying a classroom with an automatic weapon.

        As for the other insane suggestion emanating from US commentators that teachers should be armed..for fucks sake….it’d be like the OK Corral and very unlikely to save lives either

        • 89
          Gelding says:

          So if legally owned guns in the UK are kept in a gun cabinet, how does that make legally owned guns in the USA stored in a gun cabinet any more dangerous?

          I suspect that you are a towney so most guns in your area are held illegally and you will not be aware of their existence. In the countryside gun ownership is common and obtaining a certificate is not difficult yet most gun crime occurs in the cities.

          • Synic says:

            It’s nice and sunny here. Lovely day for taking pleasure in killing things. So I can hear them now firing their shotguns. Gun loving bastards

          • Have gun will kill says:

            Arguing that it is right for all Americans to own guns is almost the same argument as saying it is right to allow North Korea and Iran to have nuclear weapons. Idiotic.

          • cut the apron strings and trust the people says:

            Are you a fucking adult or do you want to be treated as an infant by big daddy/mummy government all your fucking life? Grow up and grow a pair ffs.

        • 147
          genghiz the kahn says:

          Mongs like Matt Comment is Frei and Jon Snowballsup don’t seem to appreciate that the US Constitution grants Americans the right to bear arms.

          What would be needed to remove or amend that right? A bill passed by both Houses, approved by the President. Given that The US is a Federation, the views of the 50 states and The Supreme Court also count for a great deal.

          Change comes to America, slowly.

    • 189
      Charlton Heston says:

      5 year olds should also have the constitutional right to hold automatic weapons.

  9. 27
    Q Nard. says:

    Why are elderly people surprised when they get sicky poos by sharing recirculated air with thousands of others inside a flue liner?

    • 35
      Mark Oaten says:

      Sounds good to me.

      • 44
        Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

        Are we talking cruises here? 2,000 people on a floating ghetto it is, catching each others diseases – madness!

        Me go on a cruise? Fuck right orf! No chance.

        • 49
          2 Jags and 2 Shags says:

          I love cruises

          I am the Chief Steward on the sister ship

          G & Ts and pies all aroound while the misses is not looking

          The back to the Bar of the House of Lords to serve my old friend Gorbals Mick and the Mob

        • 63
          Somerset Patriot. says:

          They never should have built them Severn Bridges, letting all those Welshies invade our County in their coach chariots. Degenerate Celts eating our food and molesting our women.

        • 79
          Taff Jones says:

          Wales was created as a wind break for England from Atlantic gales. It was never meant to be populated.

          • Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

            Ey Taff J, someone has got to keep the oirish from throttling thems english Billy Orange necks, to get inbetween thems and talk sense, ey Jones?…

          • Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

            windbreak between Ireland and England, methinks,

          • Sheep shagger says:

            A Wind break by gorra…

            Some wind

            Some break

  10. 41
    The voice of reason says:

    Guns do not kill people – people do. Cars do not kill people bad drivers do.

  11. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Only In Alice in Wonderland UK could a politician get a 160 quid a week food allowance, mortgage paid for a second home, fat pay cheque..a Lord gets 400 quid a day just for sitting on a plush bench ..

    .while a jobless person gets a food parcel .and a disabled person gets forced into slavery .

    • 52
      Piss off anonymong says:

      Only in Britain could such shite be posted on a blog.

    • 58
      man with no name says:

      As good an argument for widespread gun ownership as we will ever see.

    • 64
      William Wilberforce says:

      No disabled person has been forced into slavery.

    • 179
      Sheep shagger says:

      Only in trashed out Britain do bank chairmen and directors get knighthoods, life peerages and ministerial jobs

      After having trqhed our financial system FFS

      Just look at “Lord” Greene for one…

      And “Lord” Magan”

      And “Lord” Stephenson”


      The list is long

      • 191
        Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

        Don’t forget Lord Handycock, one day. Honours these days are granted entirely on the amount of political donations and backhanders one gives, and I give plenty. Boaz.

  12. 50
    Just what is a Charity? says:

    I’ve heard it all now. Sky is reporting that charities are whingeing that they will have to close because the government ain’t giving them no money.

    Since when has it been the role of Government to take from the taxpayer and give to a charity?

    Many charities these days are just companies operating with tax free status. For example public schools, the Eden tourist leisure park, luvvy theatres, steam railways, socialist museums.

  13. 51
    Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

    Guido – thanks for putting up “Sam’s & Cam’s Chrissey card” in your list. I was the one that, ahem!, posted the first post, and the one of Stepford Wives further down.

    Hang on Sam, I will turn up your horney setting in a moment – I am busy at the moment…

  14. 54
    Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

    Is Sam still angry?

  15. 71
    Oops says:

    The killer who massacred 20 young children in America’s worst school shooting was allowed into the building because the head teacher recognised him and buzzed him through security, it emerged today.

  16. 72
    Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

    Bugger it, Hannah Ellis, grand child of Dylan Thomas, metting Prince Charlie/Carlo, yesterday – she ahnd you two yearold son is the spit of Dyl,

    And a song for Carlo – we love him really,

    Google “Dylan Thomas 100″ for celebrations of human sense.

    • 82
      Anonymous says:

      ffs taffy get a fucking job or go and shag a sheep.

      • 84
        Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

        Tell me what you want me to talk about, and I will. Can’t get any clue from your name, apart from anon. Anon – ah anon, right,

        Any good, ahem!, Guido?

    • 83
      Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

      By the way, saw the charade passing through my village, Cross Hands, from Swansea to Carmarthen – there were a few wavers, but ok, some with two fingers – that’s life. : )

  17. 76
    George Gideon Oliver Osborne says:

    To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

    On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

  18. 77
    Gordon Brownstainovich McBonkers says:

    NURSE!!! ah’ve fill’t me trow’sees wi’ hi class socialist shit again! An’ it’s all on ma finga’s too! An’ ev’thing ah touch is tainted wi’ it!!

  19. 102
    Carnival says:

    We give a whole new meaning to sea sickness.

    • 116
      Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

      “the only sea I saw, was a see-saw sea, with you, riding on it.
      Lie down, lie easy, let me shipwreck, in your thighs”

      • 123
        they shoot taffy's don't they? says:

        Whoever taught you to embed a video should be fucking shot. If self taught, you should shoot yourself.

        • 142
          • SPOTY my behind! says:

            As I say, farts for farts sake.

            Why does it wind you up? What do you expect here? What sort of outlook on life do you have?

            Bet you are the sort of person that gets annoyed that someone is reading a very interesting book next to you on a train, and enjoying it. Am I right?

          • boonji says:

            “Bet you are the sort of person that gets annoyed that someone is reading a very interesting book next to you on a train, and enjoying it. Am I right?”


      • 128
        Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

        More Mary, since I might be able to tell, maybe more is called, dependent on inner natural emotions, and all that, and if studyers of history,


        DOWN BOYS! and certain ladies….

  20. 105
    Nora Virus says:

    Does anyone on here actually buy the Daily Star?

    • 130
      LMFAO says:

      Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    • 160
      Beaker says:

      Should I, now the Dandy is no more?

    • 181
      The Maximum Imbecile says:

      I read it

      It makes me feel all bubbly

      Like another boom and bubbly

  21. 107
    Opportunism says:

    Why is Vaz the spokesman for the nurse’s family?

    • 110
      Slime says:

      And why is he on national TV groping a young girl?

      • 112
        Vaz Porn says:

        It’s a wonder he didn’t go for her tits. Randy old goat.

        That will be on HIGNFY. I hope.

        • 118
          Vaz, the Jimmy Savile of politics says:

          It was certainly sick making. You could clearly see that he was making a great effort not to grab her tits. But why did he feel it appropriate to grope her anyway?

      • 114
        Vaz the Plumber says:

        ooo yeah baby…bereavement sex….yeah….faster….oooo….I’m cuming

    • 129
      Keith Hinduja Vazolene says:

      I shall be in charge of the collection plate at today’s memorial service. Please give generously to the clearly massively impoverished family, as you can see. Cash only, please. No receipts given.

      • 183
        Tired of crooks says:

        What about all those undeclared banks accounts the Police are investigating Oily?

        With “hundreds of thousand of pounds in them”?

  22. 108
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Vaz is a oily twat. Have just seen him groping that poor Asian bird on Sky News. Like Thatcher with that calf. Freaky.

  23. 109
    Dick Scratchr says:

    Vaz is a oily twat. Have just seen him groping that poor Asian bird on Sky News. Like Thatcher with that calf. Freaky.

  24. 111
    Arms says:

    Since the Second Amendment states the right to bear arms, shouldn’t that mean all arms? Thermonuclear missiles are classified as arms. Grenade launchers are arms. Gatling guns are arms. So I take it all the rabid gun nuts would be happy for nuclear missiles to be readily available for purchase? What’s that? That’s too much? Why are you such a fascist? If it’s ok to buy semi automatic and automatic guns that enable you to easily murder 26 people in 2 minutes, then goddamnit I have the right to buy a rocket launcher and stinger missile.

    • 122
      Religious Freak says:

      Suffer little children … Praise the Lord who works in mysterious ways.

    • 124
      Ah ffs says:

      What are you moaning about it’s a country that has a constitution and it’s used to make sure that the governing click know that the public will use arms on them, if they misbehave, all we have is handbags and tut tut tut, yet we still have nutters in this country using guns to kill people, even with all the laws we have banning them, doesn’t matter what safety measures you have in place , what one man can make another can break, it’s life, it’s short for some and long for others.

  25. 131
    Religious person says:

    I believe earth is 7000 years old, dinosaurs never existed, and historically accurate and verified stories of a talking snake, the parting of a sea and a long haired man who apparently died for our sins but was resurrected a couple of days later, which rather cancels out the so-called sacrifice.

    Now, respect my opinions!

    • 194
      All Religions are Total Bollux says:

      Go away and keep mumbling hypocritical prayers so that you get a warm inner glow from caring about dead children.

      how about

      “Dear Omnipotent Omniscient Omnipresent God, thank you for letting the children die, so that I can pray to you and get a all embracing orgasmic caring thrill”

  26. 132
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Meanwhile don’t mention the eurozone or the debts and that the whole euro project is OVER. And with that we can tell the climate change mongrels to sling the windmills.

  27. 134
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Tony Ma rt in – was only attempting to “protect” his property. He didn’t go out to kill – he ONLY wanted to protect.

  28. 135
    Jack says:

    Necessary reading for those who want to know what is really happening

  29. 137
    Jack says:

    Is the word H S B C censored?

    Are the gangsters at work?!

    • 144
      Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

      They’re all at it, repossessing homes left right and centre, half a chance they get. The wanking fascists.

      • 150
        Hank the Cat says:

        Scuse me for being a simple soul from Glanaman but facists are mainly remembered for the formation of the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, a good socialist party a bit like blair and brown and the rest of the socialist apparatchiks

        • 153
          SPOTY my behind! says:

          Fascism these days, what with Oxford dictionary not catching up, since they are also the modern meaning, are people who dictate rules, out of step from the major majority of life of every man and woman and child about, as if they know better, but they don’t, and cause problems due to their pursuit of selfish warped power.

          Get it now, Glanamman?

          • Hank the Cat says:

            Does stupidy run in your family or did you do a course

          • Justine Thornton QC Wife of Millonaire Ed says:


          • Justine Thornton QC Wife of Millonaire Ed says:

            Good god which fifth form debating society do you beling to

            get it now SPOTY

          • SPOTY my behind! says:

            Hank – yes, to be truthful, like yours. Have some right braincelless in my family, as yourself – sorr -, your family I mean, no doubt.

          • Hank the Cat says:

            If you are going to post spoty here is a clue, try and make sense

          • SPOTY my behind! says:

            Fifth form debating society??? Year 11 debating society please, grunty! How old are you pal?

          • SPOTY my behind! says:

            Hank, you know what I meant, so don’t come over all typo with me. You have an aunt hidden away that eats her shit, haven’t you Hank?

          • Dave the Rave, surrounded by criminals says:

            Fascism is alive and well in I s r a e l

            But at least one of its leaders was charged yesterday

  30. 139
    Barry and the knee jerk says:

    So how are Barry’s politicians going to legislate against nutters doing bad things?

    Like all socialists he believes the state has all the answers.

    Blair was the same. Law after law after useless pointless law.

  31. 156
    Little Nick I-did-so-want-to-be-a-prime-minister-one-day Clegg says:

    My mum says my dad wanted to name me Tit. If she’s right then I’m a Dutchman.

    • 192
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Being so open and transparent as you are – how come you still won’t own up to using drugs?

      Your are a contradiction in one – cleggy – please buggher off.

  32. 195
    Dave says:

    I’ll be on Hampstead Heath at 10.30pm, conducting Gay Engagement lessons. Wimmin need not attend.

    Vote Gay — Vote New Tory

  33. 198
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Matt Frei and his ilk continue to get in their ‘personal’ bent and view [dictionary needed for bent] on the pros and cons of gun carrying – would he and his cohorts ever ‘apologise’ for getting the ‘shout’ wrong if they are subsequently proved wrong … now let me see

    How many journalists and pseudo-experts in the past decade [lets take the UK as an example] – have Openly, Transparently, Democratically and ‘in print’ apologised for their disgusting assertions / condemnations / sensationalising of an issue when it is clearly shown that they were wrong, wrong, mong?

    I can’t for the life of me think of one – can anyone give an example but not of the ‘pay off’ kind ‘cos people had to take them to court – but of their own free press will?

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Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV
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What I Would Have Done if I was Sarah Wollaston | Iain Dale
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Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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