December 14th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Sink or Swim Edition)

austin2

Of all the MP Christmas cards Guido has laid eyes on so far, this effort by Austin Mitchell is surely the most disturbing. This week’s best entry will win a copy of Fred Metcalf’s “Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations”. Make them funny…


175 Comments

  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “Ed Miliband uses older models to promote his new generation”

    Like

  2. 2
    Ed Megashambles says:

    Kinnell

    Like

  3. 3
    Hard Core Libertarian says:

    Bubbles aren’t the only thing you can blow in a pool

    Like

  4. 4
    genghiz the kahn says:

    The Orange Order announces the latest attempt to swim with the times.

    Like

  5. 5
    I Squiggle says:

    Oi, Mitchell, that’s all we get now in our EU fishing quota, leave it!

    Like

  6. 6
    Selohesra says:

    Santa sticks whole hand up Austin’s ring

    Like

  7. 7
    Hard Core Libertarian says:

    Santa isn’t the only one who gets a go in my ring

    Like

  8. 8
    medici2471 says:

    Nemo decides he does not want to be saved…

    Like

  9. 9
    I Squiggle says:

    Woman on the left: “Yep, and you should see the crabs..”

    Like

  10. 10
    Nom Dom Nom V2.1 says:

    Spot the Clown (fish)

    Like

  11. 11
    Steve Miliband says:

    Disney deny ‘Finding Nemo 2′ was subject to a stringent budget

    Like

  12. 12
    Blue vein solo says:

    According to Wikipedia …

    ‘Clownfish feed on small invertebrates’

    Should he be worried?

    Like

  13. 13
    Hank the Cat says:

    I’m a twat get me out of here

    Like

  14. 14

    Ed Milliband, I have your Christmas present for the next election

    Like

  15. 15
    Steve Miliband says:

    Grimbsy Pool set to close

    Like

  16. 16
    Elf and Safety says:

    No qualified lifeguards could be found willing to stand by during the making of this Christmas card

    Like

  17. 17
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    The shallow end of the gene pool and, even then, he’s out of his depth.

    Like

  18. 18
    Iain says:

    “lift your ring up too, dear, be a good wife and don’t disagree with your master in public”

    Like

  19. 19
    Flannel says:

    Austin tries to attract the floating voters

    Like

  20. 20
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    That Mitchell and Webbed Look.

    Like

  21. 21
    Welshracer says:

    Here is one Mitchell who is not afraid to be seen as a pleb

    “Save our Poo” indeed.

    Like

  22. 22
    Dr Austin Evil Mitchell says:

    I asked for frikking sharks with laser beams.

    Like

  23. 23
    Anne Arquist says:

    It’s looking grim in Grimsby…

    Like

  24. 25
  25. 28
    Anonymous says:

    MP’s Christmas card shame: “It wasn’t meant to look like that, I’m new to photoshop and I was on acid at the time”.

    Like

  26. 29
    tommysize1 says:

    Nemo could see no way out of the mad mans watery chrimbo lair, other than to “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” .

    Like

  27. 31
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Freshwater Haddock spotted.

    Like

  28. 32
    Austin Mitchell says:

    IPSA said fish tanks were admissible on expenses. The bastards.

    Like

  29. 33
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Grimsby MP in 40DD shocker.

    Like

  30. 34
    Steve Miliband says:

    Len Fairclough enjoys a Barry More pool party

    Like

  31. 35
    Qwisling says:

    Reluctantly Austin knows the only way to remove the smell of another woman, before he goes home.

    Like

  32. 37
    the furry fish says:

    santa realizes that his teleportation device has malfunctioned

    Like

  33. 38
    Austin Allegro says:

    What do you mean this isn’t the local library?

    Like

  34. 39
    Liberal Zombie says:

    Troughing Nemo.

    Like

  35. 40
    Ben Everitt says:

    Jeremy Browne’s drug fact finding mission takes a terrifying turn following a visit to a Grimsby acid factory.

    Like

  36. 41
    Steve Miliband says:

    Not exactly busy – maybe it’s closing because no one uses it?

    Like

  37. 43
    a non says:

    Austin Mitchell born Austin Haddock realises there is a time and a plaice for everything.

    Like

  38. 45
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Vegetable soup.

    Like

  39. 47
    ross says:

    Parliament of clowns

    Like

  40. 48
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Proof that dicks go even more wrinkly in the water.

    Like

  41. 49
    Lifeguard says:

    Come on Gordon, don’t be scared! Just hold onto your float and keep up those little doggy paddles.

    Like

  42. 50
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Just out of camera range, Lord Prescott was clad in a speedo, running pell-mell for the water and shouting “Cannonball!”, as he often does when visiting Grimsby Pool; there is no substantiation for the rumour that that is why the pool is being shut down.

    Like

  43. 51
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Oaf-fish

    Like

  44. 52
    Steve Miliband says:

    Leave it Phil, he ain’t worth it.

    Like

  45. 54
    medici2471 says:

    Can you smell fish?

    Like

  46. 55
    STROPPYCOW says:

    If anyone deserves to be swimmimg with the fishes…..

    Like

  47. 56
    Willer says:

    Save our MP!

    Like

  48. 57
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    Mitchell judges margaret moran lookalike competition

    Like

  49. 58
    The Fallen Angel says:

    “You know….once upon a time I could have paid to save this myself- I’d have claimed it on my expenses!!!

    Bloody Daily Telegraph….”

    Like

  50. 59
    EC1 PhD says:

    Grimsby MP strips for Real Deal

    Like

  51. 61
    Anonymous says:

    Austin Mitchell rejoices on finding Diane Abbot’s diaphragm in local pool

    Like

  52. 62
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘Think or Thwim this Crimmas!’

    Like

  53. 63
    Contains small parts says:

    Austin Marina.

    Like

  54. 64
    Contains small parts says:

    More underarm fish than hairs.

    Like

  55. 65
    Len Fairclough says:

    You aint seen me right!

    Like

  56. 66
    geoffers says:

    “Dear Santa, This year I’d like my dignity back”

    Like

  57. 67
    Peter Grant says:

    Grimsby’s Flood defences strategy slightly off course.

    Like

  58. 68
    Anonymous says:

    Mitchell releases his little swimmers.

    Bindun?

    Like

  59. 70
    soled out says:

    Labour politician exposes his ring at school trip.

    Like

  60. 71
    mraemiller says:

    Look, it’s a clown fish

    Like

  61. 72
    fawked tongue says:

    The whitings on the wing

    Like

  62. 73
    He who no longer posts says:

    Does Michael Barrymore now support Better Off Out?

    Like

  63. 74
    mraemiller says:

    The fecal matter from the clownfish provides nutrients to the sea anemone

    Like

  64. 75
    Contains small parts says:

    Austin poses for one of his more memorable contributions to British life.

    Like

  65. 76
    Anonymous says:

    “No Mrs Culture Secretary, this will not save you”

    Like

  66. 77
    illogical says:

    Is this another example of Common Porpoise?

    Like

  67. 78
    Bill Irvine says:

    Save our pool! But the fish belong to Spain

    Like

  68. 79
    Bill Irvine says:

    Waving , not drowning.

    Like

  69. 80
    Bill Irvine says:

    Help!! My majority is shrinking fast in this cold water.

    Like

  70. 81

    i’m pooling my resources below the belt.

    Like

  71. 82
    Bill Irvine says:

    I’m allright.But the SPAD on whose shoulders I am standing neds your help.

    Like

  72. 83
    Bill Irvine says:

    For non Wedgies, that should be “needs”

    Like

  73. 84
    Bill Irvine says:

    Why is this water blue? Obvious bias.

    Like

  74. 86
    Curly says:

    Champagne socialist trawling for votes

    Like

  75. 87
    Are we paying for that card too? says:

    I bet he left a Yuletide log in the pool

    Like

  76. 88
    Ghost of Greg Stone. says:

    Flooding hits threatened snooker hall.

    Like

  77. 89
    Sir William Waad says:

    It was the first time the Mitchells had spawned in a swimming pool.

    Like

  78. 90
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    Anyone see where Len Fairclough went?

    I hope the f*cker is not in the shallow end with the kids again !!

    Like

  79. 91
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Boris said nemo would vote for me”

    Like

  80. 92
    Anonymous says:

    “Makes a change from being out of my depth in a car park puddle!!”

    Like

  81. 93
    selfimportant says:

    Looks like Jim fixed it for him to find his nemo

    Like

  82. 94
    Sir William W says:

    John Bercow wished he hadn’t agreed to join the photo-shoot.

    OR

    It was the first time the Mitchells had spawned in a swimming pool

    OR

    “Boris said nemo would vote for me”

    Like

  83. 95
    the furry fish says:

    fish enjoys sensation of private parts rubbing on water surface

    Like

  84. 97
    Dorian Smith says:

    Austin Mitchell puts his hands up to turning the water purple.

    Like

  85. 98
    Richard Evans says:

    Margaret Moran : Do you think this blonde wig will fool them Austin ?
    Austin Mitchell : Shut up and look miserable you silly bint!

    Like

  86. 100
    bergen says:

    If Typhoo put the ” t “in Britain,

    Who put the “p” in this pool ?

    Like

  87. 102
    Vote4Ukip says:

    Nemobot?

    Like

  88. 103
    Broadsword calling dannyboy says:

    I got this lot on expenses.

    Happy christmas plebs!

    Like

  89. 104

    Is that you dear or is one of these alive?

    Like

  90. 105
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    Outrageous racist photo ‘cos there are no ethnics in the pool!

    Like

  91. 106
    PitPony says:

    Look I’ve found him. Even with the false beard I knew it was the member for Kirkcaldy

    Like

  92. 107
    Suffolk Jason says:

    Austin Mitchell’s core supporters, his personal assistant, Father Christmas and nemo

    Like

  93. 108
    James says:

    Number of Labour MP’s supporters inflated

    Like

  94. 109
    HamsterCheeks says:

    Wife: Dear Santa, please help me find Austin’s Nemo…
    Austin: It just feels weightless in water, that’s all.

    Like

  95. 110
    EWB says:

    front nemo observes:
    ’35 years after he was first elected, proof Grimsby still has fishy leadership…’

    Like

  96. 111
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Is the old trout on the left wanking him off under water, and the vagrant looking guy saying, “Eh up! It can’t be that grim in Grimsby . . . even me spunk produces smiley little tadpoles.”

    Like

  97. 112
    nemo says:

    frightens the crap out of me

    Like

  98. 114
    DanLocky says:

    Not for the first time was Grimsby baths plagued by a turd in the water

    Like

  99. 115
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    “Eh up, I didn’t say t’north of England’s version of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” is tripe, I said when t’publicity shoot is finished, I’m off for a bowl of tripe. Luxury.”

    Like

  100. 116
    shalewhale says:

    “All out Brothers…..”

    Like

  101. 117
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    “There’s nowt ‘appier than a champagne socialist frolicking in his jacuzzi paid for by tax payer.”

    Like

  102. 118
    Phil says:

    Oldest swingers in britain are unveiled as Grimsby’s answer to Baywatch.

    Like

  103. 119
    DJ Innocent Face says:

    Grimsbys floaters to be picked up by Austin Mitchell – Innocent face :)

    Like

  104. 120
    ZT says:

    Mi-Lud, my client was befriended by a minor local celebrity, who said: ‘As it happens, have a puff’, whereupon my client found himself naked in the pool surrounded by orange inflatables and an overly emotional dinner lady from Hull. At this point that a most unfortunate sub-aqua event occurred.

    Like

  105. 121
    DAVID MILLIBANDWAGGON says:

    Watch out for that old trout !

    Like

  106. 122
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    Putting the truly ‘grim’ into Grimsby.

    Like

  107. 123
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    He’s going to get one hell of a fright when he puts his glaesses back on!

    Like

  108. 124
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    to the tune of ‘We three kings’

    Ian Austin stuck in a pool
    Jesus Christ he looks like a tool
    Surrounded by Nemos
    Wearing his speedos
    Who on earth elected this fool?

    Like

    • 125
      The Last Quango in Paris says:

      although it might help to substitute Ian Austin for Austin Mitchell! X

      Like

    • 129
      Anonymous says:

      He was a fine allrounder in his his day was portly Ian…just ask Athers…maybeez he’s turned into a whale since?

      Like

  109. 130
    mraemiller says:

    no petting
    no spitting
    no diving
    no smoking
    no bikinis
    no shame

    Like

  110. 131
    mraemiller says:

    Austin Mitchellarrested for touching up Santa’s ring.

    Like

  111. 132
    Noah's book of boatbuiding says:

    Why do so many places on the coast have swimming pools, when they have a huge one on their doorstep?

    Like

  112. 134
    Anonymous says:

    “I’m offering my ring to Santa this Christmas!”

    Like

  113. 135
    Gaston says:

    Ooooh! There’s a warm patch in the water!

    Like

  114. 137
    Purpleline says:

    I’ve found Unnatural Gas in the Shale-ow end

    Like

  115. 138
    Andrew says:

    Shock! Horror! A TURD was found floating in our local pool today…

    Like

  116. 139
    its bleak in sunderland says:

    Mr and Mrs Mitchell as shallow as the pool they share!

    Like

  117. 140
    WoRaft says:

    Vote for me or Santa gets thrown to the piranhas.

    Like

  118. 141
    Orwell that ends well says:

    My mother always said I’d make a big splash in politics.

    Like

  119. 142
    Orwell that ends well says:

    My ambition has always been to go into the other plaice.

    Like

  120. 143
    Orwell that ends well says:

    When they said they wanted someone to go Balls deep into local politics, this wasn’t what I expected.

    Like

  121. 144
    yampy jock says:

    A good wife doesnt disagree with her master in public

    Like

  122. 145
    Professor says:

    Feel this tiddler Austin!

    Like

  123. 146
    Teddy Miliminor says:

    “He’s not wavering, he’s drowning”, as I misquoted in PMQs.

    Like

  124. 147
    Naturally Gaseous says:

    Bubbles, Bubbles! – It’s the fish I tell you . . . . . honest!

    Like

  125. 150
    Charles says:

    Not waving but drowning: Labour’s economic policy

    Like

  126. 151
    Immer Wieder says:

    Vacant lifeguard neglects to mention school of piranha to local MP.

    Like

  127. 152
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Damien Hurst’s latest work not up to par.

    Like

  128. 153
    brenda bondage says:

    which one’s fucking Nemo?

    Like

  129. 154
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    There was this posh girl from Cleethorpes,
    a right lady muck class ridden and warpes.
    Went day out into Grimsby,
    met a fella in their Wimpy,
    now can’t keep her knickers up with ropes.

    Good education in Grimsby, see. ; )

    Like

    • 155
      Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

      oops, try again, justification

      went a

      bit fucked up then, for a poem -will have to remembr that next time, for the first couple of lines, do some waffling…

      There was this posh girl from Cleethorpes,
      a right lady muck class ridden and warps.
      Went day out into Grimsby,
      met a fella in their Wimpy,
      now can’t keep her knickers up with ropes.

      Good education in Grimsby, see. ; )

      Like

      • 164
        Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

        song from the posh ladies in our lives – they really do like it up them, let me tell you that for nothing, boyos…

        Like

  130. 165
    filipinomonkey says:

    Leonardo DiCaprio hasn’t aged well…

    Like

  131. 166
    idonotbelieveit says:

    OMG Austin, what colourful sperm you have!! When you said you were getting the old fella out again I never realised…

    Like

  132. 167
    Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

    Austin on the telly is just like John Noakes,
    give advice to us youngs like all old oaks.
    Saying come by Shep, know I speak sense,
    while life of O’Reilly in that House of hunts.

    John from Halifax – get by Shep, get by, for fucking fuck sakes – LEAVE THAT FUCKING RAM ALONE Shep, he’s bigger than thee,

    Like

    • 168
      Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

      Bollocks,
      did
      it
      again. Poem justification.

      Austin on the telly is just like John Noakes,
      gives advice to us youngs like all old oaks.
      Saying come by Shep, know I speak sense,
      while life of O’Reilly in that House of hunts.

      John from Halifax – get by Shep, get by, for fucking fuck sakes – LEAVE THAT FUCKING RAM ALONE Shep, he’s bigger than thee,

      Like

  133. 169
    Anonymous says:

    Still in the shallow end I see.

    Like

  134. 170
    JBones says:

    Finding Chemo

    Like

  135. 171
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry to appear dense, but did I miss who won the ‘Leveson’ caption comp?

    Like

  136. 172
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry, I am dense – just seen the belated announcement above this posting.

    Doh!

    Like

  137. 173
    welshwiz says:

    A new water sport, Synchronized Silly-C***s, is being considered for the next Olympics.

    Like

  138. 174
    Smolt says:

    “Save a turkey this Christmas. Eat fish instead”

    Like

  139. 175
    Geordieboy says:

    A sly message to Ed “You need a lifebelt as well”

    Like


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Labour MP Austin Mitchell discusses female MPs on Newsnight:

“Are they more leadable? I don’t know, I think they probably are.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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