December 14th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Sink or Swim Edition)


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “Ed Miliband uses older models to promote his new generation”

  2. 2
    Ed Megashambles says:


  3. 3
    Hard Core Libertarian says:

    Bubbles aren’t the only thing you can blow in a pool

  4. 4
    genghiz the kahn says:

    The Orange Order announces the latest attempt to swim with the times.

  5. 5
    I Squiggle says:

    Oi, Mitchell, that’s all we get now in our EU fishing quota, leave it!

  6. 6
    Selohesra says:

    Santa sticks whole hand up Austin’s ring

  7. 7
    Hard Core Libertarian says:

    Santa isn’t the only one who gets a go in my ring

  8. 8
    medici2471 says:

    Nemo decides he does not want to be saved…

  9. 9
    I Squiggle says:

    Woman on the left: “Yep, and you should see the crabs..”

  10. 10
    Nom Dom Nom V2.1 says:

    Spot the Clown (fish)

  11. 11
    Steve Miliband says:

    Disney deny ‘Finding Nemo 2′ was subject to a stringent budget

  12. 12
    Blue vein solo says:

    According to Wikipedia …

    ‘Clownfish feed on small invertebrates’

    Should he be worried?

  13. 13
    Hank the Cat says:

    I’m a twat get me out of here

  14. 14

    Ed Milliband, I have your Christmas present for the next election

  15. 15
    Steve Miliband says:

    Grimbsy Pool set to close

  16. 16
    Elf and Safety says:

    No qualified lifeguards could be found willing to stand by during the making of this Christmas card

  17. 17
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    The shallow end of the gene pool and, even then, he’s out of his depth.

  18. 18
    Iain says:

    “lift your ring up too, dear, be a good wife and don’t disagree with your master in public”

  19. 19
    Flannel says:

    Austin tries to attract the floating voters

  20. 20
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    That Mitchell and Webbed Look.

  21. 21
    Welshracer says:

    Here is one Mitchell who is not afraid to be seen as a pleb

    “Save our Poo” indeed.

  22. 22
    Dr Austin Evil Mitchell says:

    I asked for frikking sharks with laser beams.

  23. 23
    Anne Arquist says:

    It’s looking grim in Grimsby…

  24. 24
    Gillian McKeith says:


  25. 25
  26. 26
    Farage for PM says:

    Well done Austin, Scartho baths are an important amenity and should be saved

  27. 27
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    that’s the winner for me

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    MP’s Christmas card shame: “It wasn’t meant to look like that, I’m new to photoshop and I was on acid at the time”.

  29. 29
    tommysize1 says:

    Nemo could see no way out of the mad mans watery chrimbo lair, other than to “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” .

  30. 30
    Parky says:

    Saville-esque in its creepyness

  31. 31
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Freshwater Haddock spotted.

  32. 32
    Austin Mitchell says:

    IPSA said fish tanks were admissible on expenses. The bastards.

  33. 33
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Grimsby MP in 40DD shocker.

  34. 34
    Steve Miliband says:

    Len Fairclough enjoys a Barry More pool party

  35. 35
    Qwisling says:

    Reluctantly Austin knows the only way to remove the smell of another woman, before he goes home.

  36. 36
    Four Skin Divers says:


  37. 37
    the furry fish says:

    santa realizes that his teleportation device has malfunctioned

  38. 38
    Austin Allegro says:

    What do you mean this isn’t the local library?

  39. 39
    Liberal Zombie says:

    Troughing Nemo.

  40. 40
    Ben Everitt says:

    Jeremy Browne’s drug fact finding mission takes a terrifying turn following a visit to a Grimsby acid factory.

  41. 41
    Steve Miliband says:

    Not exactly busy – maybe it’s closing because no one uses it?

  42. 42
    STROPPYCOW says:

    Tee Hee …

  43. 43
    a non says:

    Austin Mitchell born Austin Haddock realises there is a time and a plaice for everything.

  44. 44
    Mr BumBum says:

    Would you get in a pool with an ugly old cun*t like that?

  45. 45
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Vegetable soup.

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    +1 – captures Austin’s humorous take on gender roles

  47. 47
    ross says:

    Parliament of clowns

  48. 48
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    Proof that dicks go even more wrinkly in the water.

  49. 49
    Lifeguard says:

    Come on Gordon, don’t be scared! Just hold onto your float and keep up those little doggy paddles.

  50. 50
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Just out of camera range, Lord Prescott was clad in a speedo, running pell-mell for the water and shouting “Cannonball!”, as he often does when visiting Grimsby Pool; there is no substantiation for the rumour that that is why the pool is being shut down.

  51. 51
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:


  52. 52
    Steve Miliband says:

    Leave it Phil, he ain’t worth it.

  53. 53
    medici2471 says:

    Thumbs up!

  54. 54
    medici2471 says:

    Can you smell fish?

  55. 55
    STROPPYCOW says:

    If anyone deserves to be swimmimg with the fishes…..

  56. 56
    Willer says:

    Save our MP!

  57. 57
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    Mitchell judges margaret moran lookalike competition

  58. 58
    The Fallen Angel says:

    “You know….once upon a time I could have paid to save this myself- I’d have claimed it on my expenses!!!

    Bloody Daily Telegraph….”

  59. 59
    EC1 PhD says:

    Grimsby MP strips for Real Deal

  60. 60
    Contains small parts says:

    WOW 500 extra posts for £6.89. Fair exchange.

    The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations by Fred Metcalf (25 Oct 2012)

    £9.99 now £6.89 Paperback free P&P

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    Austin Mitchell rejoices on finding Diane Abbot’s diaphragm in local pool

  62. 62
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘Think or Thwim this Crimmas!’

  63. 63
    Contains small parts says:

    Austin Marina.

  64. 64
    Contains small parts says:

    More underarm fish than hairs.

  65. 65
    Len Fairclough says:

    You aint seen me right!

  66. 66
    geoffers says:

    “Dear Santa, This year I’d like my dignity back”

  67. 67
    Peter Grant says:

    Grimsby’s Flood defences strategy slightly off course.

  68. 68
    Anonymous says:

    Mitchell releases his little swimmers.


  69. 69
    Contains small parts says:

    Poss winner but 300 anonymouses will claim

  70. 70
    soled out says:

    Labour politician exposes his ring at school trip.

  71. 71
    mraemiller says:

    Look, it’s a clown fish

  72. 72
    fawked tongue says:

    The whitings on the wing

  73. 73
    He who no longer posts says:

    Does Michael Barrymore now support Better Off Out?

  74. 74
    mraemiller says:

    The fecal matter from the clownfish provides nutrients to the sea anemone

  75. 75
    Contains small parts says:

    Austin poses for one of his more memorable contributions to British life.

  76. 76
    Anonymous says:

    “No Mrs Culture Secretary, this will not save you”

  77. 77
    illogical says:

    Is this another example of Common Porpoise?

  78. 78
    Bill Irvine says:

    Save our pool! But the fish belong to Spain

  79. 79
    Bill Irvine says:

    Waving , not drowning.

  80. 80
    Bill Irvine says:

    Help!! My majority is shrinking fast in this cold water.

  81. 81

    i’m pooling my resources below the belt.

  82. 82
    Bill Irvine says:

    I’m allright.But the SPAD on whose shoulders I am standing neds your help.

  83. 83
    Bill Irvine says:

    For non Wedgies, that should be “needs”

  84. 84
    Bill Irvine says:

    Why is this water blue? Obvious bias.

  85. 85
    Wallace and Vomit says:

    I think that last lot of Wensleydale was a bit too ripe. I’m hallucinating.

  86. 86
    Curly says:

    Champagne socialist trawling for votes

  87. 87
    Are we paying for that card too? says:

    I bet he left a Yuletide log in the pool

  88. 88
    Ghost of Greg Stone. says:

    Flooding hits threatened snooker hall.

  89. 89
    Sir William Waad says:

    It was the first time the Mitchells had spawned in a swimming pool.

  90. 90
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    Anyone see where Len Fairclough went?

    I hope the f*cker is not in the shallow end with the kids again !!

  91. 91
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Boris said nemo would vote for me”

  92. 92
    Anonymous says:

    “Makes a change from being out of my depth in a car park puddle!!”

  93. 93
    selfimportant says:

    Looks like Jim fixed it for him to find his nemo

  94. 94
    Sir William W says:

    John Bercow wished he hadn’t agreed to join the photo-shoot.


    It was the first time the Mitchells had spawned in a swimming pool


    “Boris said nemo would vote for me”

  95. 95
    the furry fish says:

    fish enjoys sensation of private parts rubbing on water surface

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    There were two young ladies of Grimsby
    Who asked “Of what use can our quims be?
    We both know that this hole
    Can serve as a pisshole,
    But what can the hairs round the rims be?”

  97. 97
    Dorian Smith says:

    Austin Mitchell puts his hands up to turning the water purple.

  98. 98
    Richard Evans says:

    Margaret Moran : Do you think this blonde wig will fool them Austin ?
    Austin Mitchell : Shut up and look miserable you silly bint!

  99. 99
    Gordon Brown says:

    I will personally visit it to make sure it doesn’t.

  100. 100
    bergen says:

    If Typhoo put the ” t “in Britain,

    Who put the “p” in this pool ?

  101. 101
    Broadsword calling dannyboy says:

    That would be a great way to empty the pool quickly though.

  102. 102
    Vote4Ukip says:


  103. 103
    Broadsword calling dannyboy says:

    I got this lot on expenses.

    Happy christmas plebs!

  104. 104

    Is that you dear or is one of these alive?

  105. 105
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    Outrageous racist photo ‘cos there are no ethnics in the pool!

  106. 106
    PitPony says:

    Look I’ve found him. Even with the false beard I knew it was the member for Kirkcaldy

  107. 107
    Suffolk Jason says:

    Austin Mitchell’s core supporters, his personal assistant, Father Christmas and nemo

  108. 108
    James says:

    Number of Labour MP’s supporters inflated

  109. 109
    HamsterCheeks says:

    Wife: Dear Santa, please help me find Austin’s Nemo…
    Austin: It just feels weightless in water, that’s all.

  110. 110
    EWB says:

    front nemo observes:
    ’35 years after he was first elected, proof Grimsby still has fishy leadership…’

  111. 111
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Is the old trout on the left wanking him off under water, and the vagrant looking guy saying, “Eh up! It can’t be that grim in Grimsby . . . even me spunk produces smiley little tadpoles.”

  112. 112
    nemo says:

    frightens the crap out of me

  113. 113
    fruitcake says:

    certainly messes up keyboards

  114. 114
    DanLocky says:

    Not for the first time was Grimsby baths plagued by a turd in the water

  115. 115
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    “Eh up, I didn’t say t’north of England’s version of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” is tripe, I said when t’publicity shoot is finished, I’m off for a bowl of tripe. Luxury.”

  116. 116
    shalewhale says:

    “All out Brothers…..”

  117. 117
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    “There’s nowt ‘appier than a champagne socialist frolicking in his jacuzzi paid for by tax payer.”

  118. 118
    Phil says:

    Oldest swingers in britain are unveiled as Grimsby’s answer to Baywatch.

  119. 119
    DJ Innocent Face says:

    Grimsbys floaters to be picked up by Austin Mitchell – Innocent face :)

  120. 120
    ZT says:

    Mi-Lud, my client was befriended by a minor local celebrity, who said: ‘As it happens, have a puff’, whereupon my client found himself naked in the pool surrounded by orange inflatables and an overly emotional dinner lady from Hull. At this point that a most unfortunate sub-aqua event occurred.

  121. 121

    Watch out for that old trout !

  122. 122
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    Putting the truly ‘grim’ into Grimsby.

  123. 123
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    He’s going to get one hell of a fright when he puts his glaesses back on!

  124. 124
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    to the tune of ‘We three kings’

    Ian Austin stuck in a pool
    Jesus Christ he looks like a tool
    Surrounded by Nemos
    Wearing his speedos
    Who on earth elected this fool?

  125. 125
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    although it might help to substitute Ian Austin for Austin Mitchell! X

  126. 126
    M says:

    Pool attendand spots floater in swimming pool

  127. 127
    fruitcake says:

    shit, I’ve got that as well, make that 1000

  128. 128
    Keith Chegwin III says:

    Anyone seen Mark Oaten ?

  129. 129
    Anonymous says:

    He was a fine allrounder in his his day was portly Ian…just ask Athers…maybeez he’s turned into a whale since?

  130. 130
    mraemiller says:

    no petting
    no spitting
    no diving
    no smoking
    no bikinis
    no shame

  131. 131
    mraemiller says:

    Austin Mitchellarrested for touching up Santa’s ring.

  132. 132
    Noah's book of boatbuiding says:

    Why do so many places on the coast have swimming pools, when they have a huge one on their doorstep?

  133. 133
    Noah's book of boatbuiding says:

    no bombing

  134. 134
    Anonymous says:

    “I’m offering my ring to Santa this Christmas!”

  135. 135
    Gaston says:

    Ooooh! There’s a warm patch in the water!

  136. 136
    Noah's book of boatbuiding says:

    There was a bloke from Grimsby on sea,
    who young decided “a fisherman I’ll be”.
    Went after mingers,
    got some fish fingers,
    and for next few weeks had stingy pee.

  137. 137
    Purpleline says:

    I’ve found Unnatural Gas in the Shale-ow end

  138. 138
    Andrew says:

    Shock! Horror! A TURD was found floating in our local pool today…

  139. 139
    its bleak in sunderland says:

    Mr and Mrs Mitchell as shallow as the pool they share!

  140. 140
    WoRaft says:

    Vote for me or Santa gets thrown to the piranhas.

  141. 141
    Orwell that ends well says:

    My mother always said I’d make a big splash in politics.

  142. 142
    Orwell that ends well says:

    My ambition has always been to go into the other plaice.

  143. 143
    Orwell that ends well says:

    When they said they wanted someone to go Balls deep into local politics, this wasn’t what I expected.

  144. 144
    yampy jock says:

    A good wife doesnt disagree with her master in public

  145. 145
    Professor says:

    Feel this tiddler Austin!

  146. 146
    Teddy Miliminor says:

    “He’s not wavering, he’s drowning”, as I misquoted in PMQs.

  147. 147
    Naturally Gaseous says:

    Bubbles, Bubbles! – It’s the fish I tell you . . . . . honest!

  148. 148
    david cameron says:

    Whats a quim?

  149. 149
    david cameron says:

    No but I think that Peter Mandelson would.

  150. 150
    Charles says:

    Not waving but drowning: Labour’s economic policy

  151. 151
    Immer Wieder says:

    Vacant lifeguard neglects to mention school of piranha to local MP.

  152. 152
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Damien Hurst’s latest work not up to par.

  153. 153
    brenda bondage says:

    which one’s fucking Nemo?

  154. 154
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    There was this posh girl from Cleethorpes,
    a right lady muck class ridden and warpes.
    Went day out into Grimsby,
    met a fella in their Wimpy,
    now can’t keep her knickers up with ropes.

    Good education in Grimsby, see. ; )

  155. 155
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    oops, try again, justification

    went a

    bit fucked up then, for a poem -will have to remembr that next time, for the first couple of lines, do some waffling…

    There was this posh girl from Cleethorpes,
    a right lady muck class ridden and warps.
    Went day out into Grimsby,
    met a fella in their Wimpy,
    now can’t keep her knickers up with ropes.

    Good education in Grimsby, see. ; )

  156. 156
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    Tried looking for Russell Howard’s obsevation on swimming pool “No Bombing” zieg heil orders, that must be followed, but couldn’t find it, so I though a bit of Frankie will do instead, as you do,

  157. 157
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    oh, it’s there, at number 2 Frankie… : )

  158. 158
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    …and furthermore, Frank Skinner said Sophie Ellis-Bextor had a face like a satellite dish, and he is still on the beeb.

    Can’t stand double-standards myself.

    Sophie who, some now may ask – she is fit, and surprisingly quite tall, but is the best looking satellite dish you will ever see, here she is, her best bit, I think,

    And that swimmer does have a big nose, ey Frankie?

  159. 159
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    …even furthermore,



    OH! alright, Robbie Williams said that, and Skinner said “Why the wide face Sophie” – right, that makes it alright then.

  160. 160
  161. 161
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:


    And Robbie Williams said Sophie had a face like a satellite dish – Sinner just said to her “why the wide face, Sophie”.

  162. 162
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    Ask Sam.

  163. 163
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    praise antibiotics…


  164. 164
    Noah's book of boatbuilding says:

    song from the posh ladies in our lives – they really do like it up them, let me tell you that for nothing, boyos…

  165. 165
    filipinomonkey says:

    Leonardo DiCaprio hasn’t aged well…

  166. 166
    idonotbelieveit says:

    OMG Austin, what colourful sperm you have!! When you said you were getting the old fella out again I never realised…

  167. 167
    Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

    Austin on the telly is just like John Noakes,
    give advice to us youngs like all old oaks.
    Saying come by Shep, know I speak sense,
    while life of O’Reilly in that House of hunts.

    John from Halifax – get by Shep, get by, for fucking fuck sakes – LEAVE THAT FUCKING RAM ALONE Shep, he’s bigger than thee,

  168. 168
    Don't cross the Severn Bridge, it gets annoyed says:

    again. Poem justification.

    Austin on the telly is just like John Noakes,
    gives advice to us youngs like all old oaks.
    Saying come by Shep, know I speak sense,
    while life of O’Reilly in that House of hunts.

    John from Halifax – get by Shep, get by, for fucking fuck sakes – LEAVE THAT FUCKING RAM ALONE Shep, he’s bigger than thee,

  169. 169
    Anonymous says:

    Still in the shallow end I see.

  170. 170
    JBones says:

    Finding Chemo

  171. 171
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry to appear dense, but did I miss who won the ‘Leveson’ caption comp?

  172. 172
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry, I am dense – just seen the belated announcement above this posting.


  173. 173
    welshwiz says:

    A new water sport, Synchronized Silly-C***s, is being considered for the next Olympics.

  174. 174
    Smolt says:

    “Save a turkey this Christmas. Eat fish instead”

  175. 175
    Geordieboy says:

    A sly message to Ed “You need a lifebelt as well”

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