December 11th, 2012

Max Moments: Piers Says Clifford Has “Get Out of Jail Card”


Guido has been having a read of Max Clifford’s 1996 bookRead All About It, in which he promises to reveal all about his love life, sex parties, and secrets of the stars. Clifford is the lucky recipient of some warm words from one Piers Morgan:

“He is trustworthy, always looks after his mates and no tabloid editor worth his or her salt would cross him. It would be self-defeating because he’s the one who has all the big stories…It has also meant Max has brilliantly bought himself a lifetime’s ‘get out of jail’ card. Newspapers won’t turn him over because why would they bite the hand that feeds them? Why kill your golden goose? Max is an honourable rogue.”

Piers would make a fine character witness…


  1. 1
    Kebab for the chop says:



  2. 4
    Arthur Foxache says:

    And not forgetting the fact that he is tootally innocent


    • 6
      Huffy Auld Git says:

      Only little people pay taxes.
      Only little people are guilty.
      Only little people deserve to get punished.


      • 81
        kitler says:

        Rich people are generaly smarter than poor people which is why they are rich and why they are better at getting away with their crimes. But when they do slip up the law comes down on them just as hard as it does on the little guy. Just ask Bernie Madeoff, Conrad Black, Jeffrey Archer, Asil Nadir etc

        Although the rich do seem to have a habit of not accidently beating themselves to death in the cells in the way that commoners can be prone to.


  3. 5
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Jacket off,trousers at half mast – PM sits down at the Liaison Committee. I am watching so stand by for my Tweets. Am sure there’ll be an interesting one soon!!!


  4. 6
    Sally Bercow says:

    Why is Piers Morgan trending **innocent face**


  5. 8
    ah! monika's moniker is a gonner says:

    Andrew Neil asks Harman:

    “What’s the logic of say the online site of the New Statesman coming within this regulation? A site which has no great influence in Westminster, whereas the Guido Fawkes, probably the most influential site in Westminster, should not?”

    What was the gist of her answer, if any?


  6. 9
    Maxed Out says:

    Like smoke from a Savile cigar, and a red top mirror, there is still a possibility that this latest saga could have been orchestrated. The form: Milroy-Sloan, and the judge made a point of this in her sentencing.


    • 30
      Anonymous says: in some mag says…about his wife

      First and foremost she is a mum and then she’s a professional woman. The third thing is she’s my wife.”

      …if children need stability in a marital environment then her first priority and also mr miliband’s should be their partner.


      • 80
        NE Frontiersman says:

        Does Ed value his profession more than his wife? Why would he expect her to? Sounds very unhealthy.


        • 82
          kitler says:

          Socialists marry only for career reasons and never for love. Thats why very few socialist wives take their partners surnames, and when they do its only ever to hide the fact their husband is gay.


  7. 13
    Arso Vertit says:

    I’m bored with this – I’m going for a Twix.


  8. 14
    Dirty Den says:

    Why would anyone suspect me of wrongdoing? Ok, so I’ve got a murder conviction, but who hasn’t?


  9. 15
    Dale Arden says:

    Piers seems to think that trail by media is legally binding.


  10. 19
    Louise Mench says:



    • 20
      LOL says:

      Comment of the Day.


      • 23
        Joss Ayinglike says:

        Can’t wait till technology provides the ‘scratch & sniff’ version.


        • 26
          Ed Balls says:



      • 25
        Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

        Very nice, just a little old for clients of Max….. perhaps ?? :)


    • 22
      Anonymous says:

      Full Monty would have been better


    • 24
      Chris Bryant says:

               _ _
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             /::.      ..::;;;;ヽ
           /::.        ..::::;;;;i
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            !ヾ. ̄⌒__ ̄彡|
              iミ:::ミC= ≡..::: )
            |::::     ″. ´/
            |::::: ヽ    / /;|
            |::: ( ‘   ( .::;;;|
            |::: | ミ   .ヽ\|
            |::: 丶ヽ  ..:ヽ )
            |:::   .i !   ::;;;;;|
            |:::   i .ノ   . ::;;;;;|
            |:::   i .ノ   . ::;;;;;|
            |:::   i .ノ   . ::;;;;;|
            |:::  ( ヽ  ..::;;;;;|
            ( \  l. |  ..:;;;;;;|
            |::\∨丿 ″..:;;;;;|
            |::: ( (  ゙ ..:;;;;;|
          .彡.|:::   | ! …..:::;;;;;|ゞ巛ミ


    • 75
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:



    • 89
      Rolf says:

      Can you tell what it is yet?


  11. 27
    smugometer says:

    vaz enjoying the microphone with the pm… what a slug


  12. 29
    Westminster Gossip says:

    The truth is, Max knows where all the bodies are buried he knows eerything about anybody that matters. If Max were ever to reveal his secrets it would be the most interesting comment upon our modern times and how the rich and famous escape taking responsibility!

    There are many hoping he will keep his mouth shut! Who knows what dear Max might say if he is cornered?


    • 32
      Dale Arden says:

      The problem is that Max’s get out of jail free cards are all on his PCs.

      And plod’s got them.


      • 40
        Anonymous says:

        when it comes to royalty and the celebs, max your man.

        when it comes to the next tier…murdoch.


      • 41
        bergen says:

        And that’s surely the point.Why waste thousands of police hours on investigations when a browse of his computer will tell them all they need to know? No wonder he looked so shaken at the police station- plod has walked off with his life savings/life assurance.


        • 55
          Barrow Boy Max says:

          I’ve still got the Rolls though

          That is all that matters


        • 63
          Anonymous says:

          The law of computers:
          1. Never store anything of value on them
          2. Never rely on them
          3. Never lend them to anyone.
          4. Encrypted data is crying out to be decrypted.

          If you feel you need a get out of jail card with you 24 hours a day, so you can keep checking it is there, then seek medical help.


      • 60
        Director of Public Prosecutions says:

        Max is plea bargaining with us now…

        And he desperately needs all the filthy vile on his computer back


    • 35
      Criminologist says:

      If Max really knows where the bodies are buried, surely that would make him an accessory ? Perhaps the sort of phrase he may be avoiding in his current cirumstances.


    • 48
      A Zip says:

      He’d have been taken for a long walk in the woods a long time ago if he was anything more than a bluffer.


      • 57
        Scotland Yard detective says:

        Of course

        Max is a paper tiger

        All piss and no wind

        And window lockers forget that most normal people in Britain have no dirt on them at all worth talking about


  13. 34
    Jungly Barry says:

    ho ho ho



  14. 36
    Piss Organ says:

    Would anyone else like me to act as a reference for them ?


  15. 42
    Post apocalyptic observer says:

    Max Clifford is the perfect illustration of Mad Max Britain…as per the closing ceremony of the Olympics….

    Not just totally decadent, but post-apocalyptic…

    Dog eat dog

    Dog buys Rolls

    Other dog blackmails Rolls owner

    Rolls owner trashes other dog

    And so on into endless mayhem


  16. 43
    Reasons our Parliament has no credibility says:

    #325 Tim Yeo and Keith Vaz being chairmen of select committees


  17. 44
    Reasons our Parliament has no credibility says: says:

    #326 Tom Watson


  18. 46
    Sir William W says:

    Clifford doesn’t manufacture ‘big stories’, just very noisy little ones.


  19. 49
    New York correspondent says:

    Bloomberg should not make a bid for the FT

    He should take over the Murdoch Mob


  20. 50
    The difference between American and British conservatives says:


  21. 51
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Publicists' Methods Analysis Service says:

    Just an anecdote about how publicists work:
    Back in the 50’s, a kiss-and-tell mag called Confidential would come up with dirt on Hollywood stars (think: the Danny deVito character in L.A. Confidential). They’d call the studios in advance of publication to tell them what they had and ask the studios for a reaction. (No superinjunctions then or now in America.) Often, Confidential would be told, you got zip, pal, can’t prove shit. Confidential would say, we got pix. Studio would say, what does the picture show? Example: Raymond Burr, a closeted man, was photographed coming out of a bar with a drag queen; Confidential tells the studio Ray’s being a naughty boy. Studio replies, Ray was so inebriated he didn’t notice it was a man– it COULD happen. Confidential replies, OK, that’s the way you want it played? Punchline, Confidential runs a story about how Raymond Burr is a lush who, whilst in his cups, is so far gone he had actually once picked up a man dressed as a woman, so desperate was he for a ride home and a possible roll in the hay that he hadn’t looked closely enough.
    Moral of the story, boys and girls, sometimes ya gotta give the dogs a few treats to keep them from biting your ankle.


  22. 52
    Sarah Teather says:

    It is quite interesting how little women contribute to wealth creation,


  23. 53
    Who's been a naughty boy then? says:

    Police are investigating the theft of more than £20,000 from a Christmas savings club in Wiltshire. The landlord of the Royal Oak pub in Shrewton, where the money was collected during the year to spend over the festive season, has also gone missing Malcolm Levesconte, 59, was last seen on Sunday.

    Officers from Wiltshire Police believe the 59-year-old boarded a ferry at Portsmouth on Sunday evening bound for St Malo in France. Police believe between 20 and 30 thousand pounds, which had been paid into the fund by customers, has been stolen.


  24. 59
    Daily Star Porn chief correspondent says:

    I have a great story on Max

    I am selling it to the highest bidder at the moment


  25. 68
    Riggsy Brown says:

    I am lead to believe – by well placed sources – that there are quite a few stories about Max. Most are far more recent than the `70s/`80s allegations over which the police have bailed him. If anything is ever proved, expect a tsunami of diss `n ‘ tell stories. Biter bit BIg time!


  26. 71
    Census 2011 says:

    “We are being swamped by people who come here because we are a soft touch. I know people will say ‘racist, racist, racist’. We are being swamped by parasites. Call me a racist but I would send them all back to where they came from. Everything we do for them takes away from what we can do for ourselves.”


    • 87
      Welcome to the land of 'diversity' says:

      Census returns for 2011 reports…..’Three million immigrants have arrived in the last ten years….’
      Reported numbers of currently unemployed….Three Million.


  27. 72
    the furry fish says:

    it’s a sorry state of affairs when the culture is determined by sexual deviants and fuckwits


  28. 79
    the furry fish says:

    that was a lot of serious shit going on then. a lot of people were reacting against the harsh rules of the victorian upbringing so you can see how people of low IQ cold be carried away with all that pussy opportunity


  29. 84
    Couple of Bastards says:

    Clifford & Morgan

    Never knowlingly under arseholed


  30. 85
    Max knows where all the bodies are hidden says:

    Just make sure you remember that Piers!


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