December 11th, 2012

Max Moments: Piers Says Clifford Has “Get Out of Jail Card”

MAX-MOMENTS

Guido has been having a read of Max Clifford’s 1996 bookRead All About It, in which he promises to reveal all about his love life, sex parties, and secrets of the stars. Clifford is the lucky recipient of some warm words from one Piers Morgan:

“He is trustworthy, always looks after his mates and no tabloid editor worth his or her salt would cross him. It would be self-defeating because he’s the one who has all the big stories…It has also meant Max has brilliantly bought himself a lifetime’s ‘get out of jail’ card. Newspapers won’t turn him over because why would they bite the hand that feeds them? Why kill your golden goose? Max is an honourable rogue.”

Piers would make a fine character witness…


89 Comments

  1. 1
    Kebab for the chop says:

    Easy

  2. 2
    smugometer says:

    can’t think what you would want less than a reference from piers morgan…slimeball smartarse

  3. 3
    8illy likes it gangbang style says:

    We’re all in the rogues gallery together.

  4. 4
    Arthur Foxache says:

    And not forgetting the fact that he is tootally innocent

  5. 5
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Jacket off,trousers at half mast – PM sits down at the Liaison Committee. I am watching so stand by for my Tweets. Am sure there’ll be an interesting one soon!!!

  6. 6
    Sally Bercow says:

    Why is Piers Morgan trending **innocent face**

  7. 7
    Huffy Auld Git says:

    Only little people pay taxes.
    Only little people are guilty.
    Only little people deserve to get punished.

  8. 8
    ah! monika's moniker is a gonner says:

    Andrew Neil asks Harman:

    “What’s the logic of say the online site of the New Statesman coming within this regulation? A site which has no great influence in Westminster, whereas the Guido Fawkes, probably the most influential site in Westminster, should not?”

    What was the gist of her answer, if any?

  9. 9
    Maxed Out says:

    Like smoke from a Savile cigar, and a red top mirror, there is still a possibility that this latest saga could have been orchestrated. The form: Milroy-Sloan, and the judge made a point of this in her sentencing.

  10. 10
    ah! monika's moniker is a gonner says:

    You! *innocent face*?
    LOL

  11. 11
  12. 12
    Mad Hattie Harperson says:

    Fuck Fawkes.

  13. 13
    Arso Vertit says:

    I’m bored with this – I’m going for a Twix.

  14. 14
    Dirty Den says:

    Why would anyone suspect me of wrongdoing? Ok, so I’ve got a murder conviction, but who hasn’t?

  15. 15
    Dale Arden says:

    Piers seems to think that trail by media is legally binding.

  16. 16
    Choc break says:

    Get me a Snickers while you’re at it. Ta.

  17. 17
    Sally Bercow says:

    I totes promise 2 behav on twttr! *serious face* I won’t slander anyone else *blush* I’m looking forward to dinner with hubby 2nite *excited* And after that I’m going to have lots of hot sex with my lover, while John is watching TV at home. *cheeky face*

  18. 18
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    woof woof

  19. 19
    Louise Mench says:

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  20. 20
    LOL says:

    Comment of the Day.

  21. 21
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    Perhaps a finger of fudge, I am told Jimmy liked a finger :)

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Full Monty would have been better

  23. 23
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Can’t wait till technology provides the ‘scratch & sniff’ version.

  24. 24
    Chris Bryant says:

             _ _
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          >::…___..::::;;;イ
          !ヾ. ̄⌒__ ̄彡|
            iミ:::ミC= ≡..::: )
          |::::     ″. ´/
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      巛从ミ彡ミ彡从巛彡ミ彡ミ彡》》
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    巛彡巛彡从ミ》彡彡巛ミ人ミ彡ミ从》》

  25. 25
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    Very nice, just a little old for clients of Max….. perhaps ?? :)

  26. 26
    Ed Balls says:

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  27. 27
    smugometer says:

    vaz enjoying the microphone with the pm… what a slug

  28. 28
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    That is disgusting… put your underpants back on now !

  29. 29
    Westminster Gossip says:

    The truth is, Max knows where all the bodies are buried he knows eerything about anybody that matters. If Max were ever to reveal his secrets it would be the most interesting comment upon our modern times and how the rich and famous escape taking responsibility!

    There are many hoping he will keep his mouth shut! Who knows what dear Max might say if he is cornered?

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    milli.band in some mag says…about his wife

    First and foremost she is a mum and then she’s a professional woman. The third thing is she’s my wife.”

    …if children need stability in a marital environment then her first priority and also mr miliband’s should be their partner.

  31. 31
    Dale Arden says:

    You’d better see a doctor about that mate.

  32. 32
    Dale Arden says:

    The problem is that Max’s get out of jail free cards are all on his PCs.

    And plod’s got them.

  33. 33
    Luke Bozier says:

    Diabolical– is it nine and uncut?

  34. 34
    Jungly Barry says:

    ho ho ho

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  35. 35
    Criminologist says:

    If Max really knows where the bodies are buried, surely that would make him an accessory ? Perhaps the sort of phrase he may be avoiding in his current cirumstances.

  36. 36
    Piss Organ says:

    Would anyone else like me to act as a reference for them ?

  37. 37
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    I suspect this software is going to be blocked very soon.

  38. 38
    Anonymous says:

    Fuck off 8illy!

  39. 39
    blic says:

    Barroso on TV got a Syrup

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    when it comes to royalty and the celebs, max your man.

    when it comes to the next tier…murdoch.

  41. 41
    bergen says:

    And that’s surely the point.Why waste thousands of police hours on investigations when a browse of his computer will tell them all they need to know? No wonder he looked so shaken at the police station- plod has walked off with his life savings/life assurance.

  42. 42
    Post apocalyptic observer says:

    Max Clifford is the perfect illustration of Mad Max Britain…as per the closing ceremony of the Olympics….

    Not just totally decadent, but post-apocalyptic…

    Dog eat dog

    Dog buys Rolls

    Other dog blackmails Rolls owner

    Rolls owner trashes other dog

    And so on into endless mayhem

  43. 43
    Reasons our Parliament has no credibility says:

    #325 Tim Yeo and Keith Vaz being chairmen of select committees

  44. 44
    Reasons our Parliament has no credibility says: says:

    #326 Tom Watson

  45. 45
    Sir William W says:

    Sorry Sal – I’ve got visitors coming. Regards to Twinky-Winky!

  46. 46
    Sir William W says:

    Clifford doesn’t manufacture ‘big stories’, just very noisy little ones.

  47. 47
    A Style Guru says:

    Is it very greasy with horrid lice in it to make it look more realistic?

  48. 48
    A Zip says:

    He’d have been taken for a long walk in the woods a long time ago if he was anything more than a bluffer.

  49. 49
    New York correspondent says:

    Bloomberg should not make a bid for the FT

    He should take over the Murdoch Mob

  50. 50
    The difference between American and British conservatives says:

  51. 51
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Publicists' Methods Analysis Service says:

    Just an anecdote about how publicists work:
    Back in the 50’s, a kiss-and-tell mag called Confidential would come up with dirt on Hollywood stars (think: the Danny deVito character in L.A. Confidential). They’d call the studios in advance of publication to tell them what they had and ask the studios for a reaction. (No superinjunctions then or now in America.) Often, Confidential would be told, you got zip, pal, can’t prove shit. Confidential would say, we got pix. Studio would say, what does the picture show? Example: Raymond Burr, a closeted man, was photographed coming out of a bar with a drag queen; Confidential tells the studio Ray’s being a naughty boy. Studio replies, Ray was so inebriated he didn’t notice it was a man– it COULD happen. Confidential replies, OK, that’s the way you want it played? Punchline, Confidential runs a story about how Raymond Burr is a lush who, whilst in his cups, is so far gone he had actually once picked up a man dressed as a woman, so desperate was he for a ride home and a possible roll in the hay that he hadn’t looked closely enough.
    Moral of the story, boys and girls, sometimes ya gotta give the dogs a few treats to keep them from biting your ankle.

  52. 52
    Sarah Teather says:

    It is quite interesting how little women contribute to wealth creation,

  53. 53
    Who's been a naughty boy then? says:

    Police are investigating the theft of more than £20,000 from a Christmas savings club in Wiltshire. The landlord of the Royal Oak pub in Shrewton, where the money was collected during the year to spend over the festive season, has also gone missing Malcolm Levesconte, 59, was last seen on Sunday.

    Officers from Wiltshire Police believe the 59-year-old boarded a ferry at Portsmouth on Sunday evening bound for St Malo in France. Police believe between 20 and 30 thousand pounds, which had been paid into the fund by customers, has been stolen.

  54. 54
    Le Monde Correspondent says:

    Dis man have been seen dwinking champagne on de Champs Elysées

    Extwadite him immediately

  55. 55
    Barrow Boy Max says:

    I’ve still got the Rolls though

    That is all that matters

  56. 56
    Polly Toynbee says:

    I like Bollinger.

  57. 57
    Scotland Yard detective says:

    Of course

    Max is a paper tiger

    All piss and no wind

    And window lockers forget that most normal people in Britain have no dirt on them at all worth talking about

  58. 58
    Reasons our Parliament has no credibility says: says: says:

    #1 Cameron

  59. 59
    Daily Star Porn chief correspondent says:

    I have a great story on Max

    I am selling it to the highest bidder at the moment

  60. 60
    Director of Public Prosecutions says:

    Max is plea bargaining with us now…

    And he desperately needs all the filthy vile on his computer back

  61. 61
    Hank the Cat says:

    Been looking at a photo of Ed Balls he has developed a Adolf kind of hair style

  62. 62
    Hank the Cat says:

    This what Underpants Bryant would like in his christmas stockings

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:

    The law of computers:
    1. Never store anything of value on them
    2. Never rely on them
    3. Never lend them to anyone.
    4. Encrypted data is crying out to be decrypted.

    If you feel you need a get out of jail card with you 24 hours a day, so you can keep checking it is there, then seek medical help.

  64. 64
    Loopy Lou says:

    But the money was for charity silly .

    The first 30k per annum always goes to the Secretary silly and then after this a sliding scale applies after allowances for expenses .

    It is the way all big charities work .

  65. 65
    CombiChrist says:

    That’s our logo!

  66. 66
    Fiddley Dee says:

    Both of them imho.

  67. 67
    Funny names : Nigel Keith Anthony Standish says:

    I need publicity.

  68. 68
    Riggsy Brown says:

    I am lead to believe – by well placed sources – that there are quite a few stories about Max. Most are far more recent than the `70s/`80s allegations over which the police have bailed him. If anything is ever proved, expect a tsunami of diss `n ‘ tell stories. Biter bit BIg time!

  69. 69
    Lost in Clacton says:

    Gosh, at times like this I wish we still had the News of the World.

  70. 70
    Ms Faithful says:

    A finger of fudge is just enough to give a girl a treat

  71. 71
    Census 2011 says:

    “We are being swamped by people who come here because we are a soft touch. I know people will say ‘racist, racist, racist’. We are being swamped by parasites. Call me a racist but I would send them all back to where they came from. Everything we do for them takes away from what we can do for ourselves.”

  72. 72
    the furry fish says:

    it’s a sorry state of affairs when the culture is determined by sexual deviants and fuckwits

  73. 73

    Don’t be rude about my family, it’s not their fault that I like to nonce up little boys.

  74. 74
    Blue Nun says:

    guido protect your brand when Neil product places ,sales fall join our injunction

  75. 75
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Boaz.

  76. 76
    jimmy cranky says:

    What about big women?

  77. 77
    Roger Melly says:

    “Piers Morgan n. rhym. slang. An ineffectual cock. From the name of former Daily Mirror editor and ineffectual cock Piers Morgan = organ.”

    Excerpt From: Viz. “Rogers Profanisaurus: Das Krapital.”

  78. 78
    the furry fish says:

    who’s your daddy?

  79. 79
    the furry fish says:

    that was a lot of serious shit going on then. a lot of people were reacting against the harsh rules of the victorian upbringing so you can see how people of low IQ cold be carried away with all that pussy opportunity

  80. 80
    NE Frontiersman says:

    Does Ed value his profession more than his wife? Why would he expect her to? Sounds very unhealthy.

  81. 81
    kitler says:

    Rich people are generaly smarter than poor people which is why they are rich and why they are better at getting away with their crimes. But when they do slip up the law comes down on them just as hard as it does on the little guy. Just ask Bernie Madeoff, Conrad Black, Jeffrey Archer, Asil Nadir etc

    Although the rich do seem to have a habit of not accidently beating themselves to death in the cells in the way that commoners can be prone to.

  82. 82
    kitler says:

    Socialists marry only for career reasons and never for love. Thats why very few socialist wives take their partners surnames, and when they do its only ever to hide the fact their husband is gay.

  83. 83
    David Camertoad of Camertoad Hall says:

    I first bought a Snickers in 1979 which I gave to my daughter for her 21st birthday. I also bought her a DVD of the popular music combo BROS.

  84. 84
    Couple of Bastards says:

    Clifford & Morgan

    Never knowlingly under arseholed

  85. 85
    Max knows where all the bodies are hidden says:

    Just make sure you remember that Piers!

  86. 86
    Parliamentary Criminal says:

    It was always so.

  87. 87
    Welcome to the land of 'diversity' says:

    Census returns for 2011 reports…..’Three million immigrants have arrived in the last ten years….’
    Reported numbers of currently unemployed….Three Million.

  88. 88
    'Allo 'Allo says:

    Drinks all round Pierre!

  89. 89
    Rolf says:

    Can you tell what it is yet?


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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